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Hello, I need your help/advice/anything you can offer. I’m going to give the tl;dr version of my situation first and go into more detail afterwards. Tl;dr: The gist of my situation is I am jealous of my RP partner because she’s roleplaying with someone else and I am now being mostly ignored. It makes me feel terrible and I don’t know how to stop feeling like this. My question is: how can i deal with this? Long version: Backtrack 6 months ago, i’m a normal player who barely dabbled in RP at a few D&D sessions. I’m a gamer through and through and that’s been my only past time for all my years. So I’m playing with 2 of my friends (these two are actually engaged to eachother IRL and are also my friends in IRL) and they decide at some point to change their character’s race. I thought i could join them in the fun since i’ve always played a male character in my games. So i went ahead and genderbent my character. Things were alright and we had fun together. Then one day one of these friends is attracted to my female character and starts flirting IC with her. It was awkward at first but i rolled with it and eventually i came to enjoy it. That was my first time RPing online. I've never done it before. We spent the past 6 months roleplaying our characters (4 to be exact) into a family together and we decided to marry 2 of them. We have everything ready for the wedding too we just need to set the date. We’ve always been talking during this period about our characters and what funny and sweet scenes we could put them through even outside of the game via Discord. She always called my toon "M'lady" and was very sweet the entire time we RPed. Sometime during these 6 months she discovered a roleplay server she liked and created a character there. Let’s call the server we’ve been on until now A and the roleplay server B. I joined her. Everything was fine until a bit over two weeks ago. When she stopped logging onto the A server and stopped replying even to our RP concerning the B server toons. I thought i should be polite and not pester her for an answer so i waited a week. Still nothing so i remind her. She brushes it off by telling me she’s busy. I knew she was RPing with the peeps on the B server which is fine because i’m not looking to be the only person she roleplays with. However after 6 months of investment into both our characters on A server i was expecting it would continue as it had until then. I keep getting hints that she’s distracted or that she’s not interested by her either giving me “bleh” replies, one liners, replying late or not replying at all. No more calling eachother wife or husband or lover or "M'lady" as we used to. No more of her toon dutifully offering me to get on the 2 seated chocobo mount. No more of her telling me that her heart can’t handle the cuteness of our characters as she used to. She’s got a sweetheart on the B server now and even though we had decided our characters would be together even there (in an open relationship) she pushed my character away to be with that person only. She says it’s because i’m not online on B server as much that this happened. Alright, fine. I can understand that. Even though i hated it, I RPed a very dramatic breakup scene with her thinking we still had our RP on A server. I came to her with a scene to RP for those characters. She told me she didn’t want to RP that scene. Alright. Then i asked her about the wedding we were supposed to have and if she still wants it. She said yes, but when i asked about when to set the date she told me she can’t talk now because she was RPing with someone else. Note that this has never stopped her before. I ask her once again the next day and she just says she doesn’t know and shows little to no signs of wanting us to decide together. Today, just a bit earlier from me writting this we went to the Chapel to set up the date for the marriage. Whenever we planned for the wedding she was always there at the Aetheryte waiting for me with the 2-seated mount. And I do mean always. This time she just dashed off by herself without even looking back. At one point i asked her if she was still interested in me as an RP partner. She said yes, but all the signs i’m reading from her state the exact opposite... ghosting, disinterest, bleh replies. I’ve confronted her about this before and she always says i’m fine but i think she only says this out of pity or something and I'm scared of confronting her again for fear that she'll get annoyed with me. I'm actually reaching a point where I'm starting to believe that everything I try to do whether IC or OOC is annoying to her. And so I come to my conclusion. I don’t know what to do... These past 2 weeks and a half i’ve been severely depressed because of it. I go to bed sad, i wake up sad and i can barely hold my tears in while at work. It's affected me so much that my parents, my sister, my coworkers and people on the street ask me why I'm sad although I try not to show it. I don’t know how to confront her about it without seeming like i’m pestering her because i still cherish her as a friend IRL and i don’t want to ruin that. At this point I just wish she would call it off if she’s just not interested anymore rather then stringing me along getting my hopes up for nothing. It will hurt a lot but at least it’ll give me the opportunity to get over it and heal rather than keep suffering. I’ve been reading many articles about this subject lately so I can learn about how to deal with this and try to not be the clingy guy or the annoying guy but at this point i just don’t know what to do. She can roleplay with whomever she wants as much as she wants. I won’t stop her. I just want to stop feeling like this. I just want it to stop hurting and i want to stop being a crying mess almost every day. What can I do to fix this? How should I go about solving our RP? Can it even be saved? How do I get her to be honest to me about it? Sorry for the long post, but i’m just lost... Thank you for your time.
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