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[OPEN TO ALL] Intense Pasta!! at the Gold Saucer

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Of all the sights, delights and spectacles that the Manderville Gold Saucer offered, there was one that stood out as unique even in a venue of women dressed in provocative bustiers and sabotenders in tuxedos. It was a simple enough stage, as stages go--a basic, modular wooden platform with one long table facing front and another adjacent facing towards stage left. There were varied pots, pans, crates, bags and barrels behind these tables, with more cooking instruments sitting on top. The tables were dressed in a simple white cloth. Unremarkable, but for the sign displayed across the front-facing table:




As a small group of people wandering the Saucer began to slowly arrive out of curiosity, a pair of sun-kissed Miqo'te females arrived. They were dressed in provocative bunny attire as other female employees, but were in one-pieces and bunny ears in a sharp, chocobo yellow. The twins danced in practised ease to an unheard tune as they spoke in tandem to the assembling crowd.


"Ladies and gentlemen! Ruffians and rich! Rogues and revelers!"


"Step forth, step forth, and prepare yourselves for a true experience!"


"The Saucer tempts and teases with lights, sound and splendor..."


"But only here will your sense of taste be tittilated!"


The twins stopped their dance, pausing and throwing their arms forward, backs arching and legs crossed as they both spoke together.


"It's time for...."


A shirtless Miqo'te male sprang up from beneath the table, fist raising a ladle to the ceiling as he roared out like a gladiator.




The man leapt backwards from the table, spinning his ladle a few turns before looking out over the crowd. His fierce eyes coated all, his smile gleaming to everyone within a few yalms. His deep, brown skin and wiry muscles flexed and presented to all for attention....and then he opened his mouth, his voice echoing out with the vigor of a stage performer.


"Greetings, friends, and welcome to my production! This is no mere game of skill or luck, no spectacle of sport....but it is an invitation. A carpet laid out in welcome to you who would only step forth. An open field awaiting a mapmaker!"


"I speak, of course, of the culinarian journey! I am Snarl, and I am your guide through the land of INTENSE PASTA!!"


The twin dancers flourished, each tossing a handful of confetti as they framed the scene the male chef made.


"My friends, PASTA is the vehicle with which we shall take this journey. My aether to new worlds of sensation," continued Snarl. "If you wish to dine along the Sultanate, or arrive in front of a cozy campfire, or surf the firey waves of the seven hells! I can bring it to you! I can conjure any delight with but a few moments and these fine ingredients."


He whipped his arm forth, ladle pointing out dramatically, a challenging smile playing at the corner of his mouth. "Don't believe me? Then come! Step forth! Grant me your wish, and Snarl shall Grant it! PASTA SHALL GRANT IT!'


The twins took up Snarl's pose, fingers scanning forward as they echoed. "Pasta shall grant it!"

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Being her first visit to the Manderville Gold Saucer, Yukari could hardly contain her excitement. She's been darting from one venue to another, taking in the cheerful music and all the bright lights, trying out all the games and attractions.


The female Au Ra was walking towards the next attraction at a brisk space when a shout halted her to a screeching stop: "INTEEEEENSE PAAASTAAAAAA!!"

A crowd has gathered around where the shout came from. It was very close, but the crowd was thick enough that there was no gap the short Raen could see through. Late to the party, she tip-toed and extended her neck, even tried hopping a couple of times to steal a look over the crowd, but all to no avail.


Yukari let out a small sigh. "I guess I don't have any other choice", she muttered under her breath. Being small, despite being the cause of this predicament, grants the advantage of being able to squeeze through a crowd without causing too much of a nuisance - a move the woman would very much prefer to avoid as it would infer self-admittance that she is in fact small.

"Excuse me. Coming through. I'm sorry.", she repeated those words as she waded, or rather, swam through the sea of onlookers.


As if she had actually been swimming, Yukari emerged at the front of the crowd with a gasp for air. She quickly scanned her surroundings to make sure she had in fact made it to the front and, satisfied that she was on the front row, turned her attention to the spectacle before her.


By the time the half-naked Miqo'te man finished his speech with ladle pointed in Yukari's general direction, the Au Ra was staring starry eyed, with her tail waving inquisitively and hands almost to her chin, clutching a bag of MGP coins, which had grown heavy from her lucky mini-cactpot streak.


At the hosts' prompt, the Raen stepped forward with a raised hand and an excited grin. "I'll take one serving of your pasta, please!"

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"Excellent!" With a snap of his fingers, he motioned the speaker to his stage. The twin dancers fluttered down and framed either side of the Au Ra, leading her up the stairs to Snarl as applause from the crowd followed her ascent.


Snarl bowed pleasantly to the woman as he placed a pot of water to boil. "Greetings, bold and alluring lady! What is your name, and tell me...what sort of delight and desire can Snarl's intense pasta offer to you?"


He bowed once more, keeping the pose but looking up. A smile flashed across his face, his ears twitching in a playful sort of half-wave. The twin dancers, as if part of his hive mind, followed his movements flawlessly.

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"Name's Yukari. Pleased to meet you, and... hmmm...", the Au Ra began to wonder aloud as she habitually brought the middle knuckle of her index finger to her chin. Her gaze wandered from the table, then to the pot of boiling water. "Ah!", she exclaimed with the index finger pointed upwards. "How about something mildly spicy? Shell fish would be delectable", Yukari described her pasta order, "The rest of the details is up to the chef. Surprises are welcome", she finished with a smile.

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Snarl's ears perked up instantly at the order. He spun on his heel, facing the crowd with arms spread wide.


"Miss Yukari! A woman who knows precisely what she likes, but is not averse to adapting to the sudden and unexpected! She demands shellfish, fire and the ubexpected! She demands..."


The Miqo'te thrust his fist in the air, roaring out at full voice.




The twins stepped to, heading to the adjacent table and prepping serviceware as Snarl rummaged through the contents of one of his crates. Inside a box of ice, he pulled out a pair of large lobster tails. He then unearthed some tomatoes, several green herbs and a few other jars of some red-colored spices.


"Do not let the name of this dish worry you, friends, for 'voidal' here means that it carries the heat of the halls. And it might make you think untoward thoughts..." He winked at Yukari, inviting a few giggles from some of the women in the crowd.


Snarl turned to the boiling pot and dropped a handful of broad noodles. "Bucatini--a strong, powerful noodle. Such flavor demands a pasta with arms as strong as a kraken's!"


Snarl deftly cracked open the lobster tails with a mallet and gave the succulent flesh inside a rough chop. He then took another blade through some of the leafy green herbs. He dumped the tomatoes in to a skillet and began to roughly stir them, smashing them down as he did. He then upended the green herbs and the lobster meat in to the skillet, eyes narrowing.


"It's like a sort of witchcraft. A summoning of firey desire, this dish," explained Snarl. "Oregano, parsley, dill, tomatoes, lobster tail meat...dancing quietly...and then, the chaos!"


He dramatically introduced some of the red spices in to the skillet, calling them out as he did. "Cumin! Paprika! Cayenne! They wreath the dancers in flame, burning them yet cauterizing them! Until..."


He peeled beneath his table and slammed a bottle of a dark, rich-red liquor on the tabletop. Removing the cork, he poured a generous few drams in to the bubbling skillet. "Dark berry brandy--the sweet kiss of Menphina herself, coats them, slowing them from their climax...."


He pulled the pasta from the pot and tossed it in to the firey-sweet sauce, coating the noodles with the red tomato mixture. He deftly played the padta, and handed the plate to his dancers, who both approached Yukari, one holding the completed dish, the other offering her a fork.


"Spice, sea and sweet, all in a primal interplay. Tell me, Yukari. Tell us all how this pasta makes you feel!"

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"This aroma...", Yukari fanned the steady thin steam rising from the dish towards her nose and breathed in slowly and deeply. "The heady blend of spices and herbs is pungent, yet pleasing to the nose. And the fruity note of the sauce clears a path for the delicate sweet smell of the lobster. Amazing..."


In one fluid set of movements, she picked a couple of strands of the noodles, stabbed a piece of lobster, and rolled the noodles over the over the lobster into a neat tiny bundle. "The consistency of the sauce is spot on. Just thick enough to coat the pasta." With that, the Raen took her first bite. She chewed deliberately, eyes locked on the plate before her. "Mmmm! Delicious! Both noodles and lobster are cooked to perfection, preserving their springiness. The lobster is fresh, sweet and savoury - the flavours accentuated by the fragrant herbs and the kick from the spices. The sauce is rich, but the berries' tartness adds a tang that cuts through the richness and cleanses the palette, leaving a very pleasant aftertaste. Delicious! Very delicious indeed!" She took another bite of the pasta, and another, and another, without saying another word, all the while humming merrily.

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Snarl's grin remained plastered on his face as he spun towards the audience, gesturing to the Au Ra as she happily munched on the pasta dish. "A round of applause, friends, for out lovely assistant!" As the crowd began to cheer, Snarl spun his knife deftly in his hand, cutting a notch in to the corner of his cutting board. The twin dancers once more framed Yukari on either side, leading her off the stage and down a pair of stairs, where a simple but comfortable table and seats were arranged to allow her to finish her dish.


Snarl bowed deeply to the applause, then whipped himself upright, dramatically thrusting a finger outward to scan the crowd. By this time, his twin dancers had joined him on either side, both following his movements.


"Now, then! Who else would like to bring forth a wish? Simply ask me, and Snarl will work his magicks and take you to any realm of culinary enchantment your heart of hearts desires!"


The twin dancers took up a pose, each jutting a hip out and gesturing with open hands to Snarl, whispering in unison. "Desires!"

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Lavi waddled through the saucer.  She had been standing up playing at the new Verminnion attraction for what seemed like hours, her back was stiff and her feet were sore.  "Why can't they let you ride Chocobo's in here?" the lalafell muttered under her breath as she huffed and puffed.  That's when she smelled something exquisite.  A grin spread across her double chinned face and she began dashing towards the smell her round corpulent body bouncing and flouncing about as she moved with a speed that belied her tubbiness.


She was out of breath by the time Snarl was asking for more participants.  She wheezed and gasped and finally managed to get out.  "I want...huff....  I WANT SOME TOO!"

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Snarl's fingers snapped and pointed out the speaker immediately. The twin dancers stepped lively, each one bending down to a low squat to take the Lalafell's hands and lead her up the stage's stairs.


Snarl opened his arms wide in welcome as the crowd applauded the new arrival. "Aah, welcome indeed, welcome, my lovely lass! You appear to be a woman who enjoys the finer comforts of life!"


Snarl lowered himself to a knee, leaning forward to lock his eyes to hers as he spoke. "I hope, then, to equal the challenge you will no doubt lay before me. Allow me to be your most humble of servants at the richest of ballrooms, madam."


As he bowed lower, the twins also bent at the waist, eyes cast to the ground subserviently.


"Tell me, Mistress. What shall Snarl delight his host's senses with?"

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  • 3 weeks later...

"One...." She mumbled, nail already peeling off the cheap foil on the next spot, "Two...!" Giving a small murmur of excitement. "Just one more....Four?! Ah hells...." Cliodhna's excitement quickly souring to annoyance as she shredded yet another botched mini cactpot card, adding it to the already large pile of confetti littering the counter.


Ignoring the counter clerk grumbling under his breath at the mess, she turned from the counter as the noise of a crowd caught her attention. The crowd itself was no different than the others that were known to gather around a particularly close race or card game but this was different, this was accompanied by a voice louder than the others; dripping with charisma, charm and promises of heaven on a plate.


Grinning, Cliodhna spun on her heel and made her way to the crowd, nudging and shoving till she managed to get near the front for a better vintage point.

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