Tear apart my WikiProfile page!

[Skyswimsky]

Ohai!

 

So I quickly made a little something and I am now looking for feedback! Also, my native language is german rather than english, thus I welcome any grammar nazis.

[I'nia Emi]

Together, you and me shall purge the Lalafell menace from Eorzea. 

 

Believe in me Lise! Believe in the me that believes in you!

 

VT6LFOIofRE

[ZoktaiKhor]

Seems like It's off to a nice start in my opinion.

[Caspar]

Lala haters go home! XO

 

Can't say much yet, but what do you mean by Lalafell lamp post? She wields a lamp post? I think the size is pretty uniform.

[Asher]

>Dislikes: Lalafells

 

Whelp everything checks out to me. :lol:

[Skyswimsky]

Lala haters go home! XO

 

Can't say much yet, but what do you mean by Lalafell lamp post? She wields a lamp post? I think the size is pretty uniform.

Well, I told myself if I ever gonna RP in FF14 my (first) character is, no matter what, going to hate Lalas xP! Of course, I thought up a totally 100% legit reason for that too!

 

As far as the 'lamp post' goes it simply has to do with the Cane of Heaven's, which is the Thordan Extreme WHM weapon that, well, looks like a lamp post. At least a small one! I really wanted to take the lamp post into IC too, that's pretty much the second bias. Now that it is 'Lalafell'-sized(Since it's a small lamp post) has nothing to do with my first bias thou!

---

 

Now that christmas has passed(And I hope you all had a wonderful one!) I made a few more changes. I also realized I should clarify more about what kind of feedback I am looking for I suppose.

 

I don't want any feedback on the design unless it has to do with readability(Black text on a black background, duh...) as that is something I will do properly once I feel like doing it. I appreciate nearly any other kind of feedback though, especially when it comes to grammar lessons. For example a kind soul told me about that FF14 uses its own system for weight, height and so on, so I should still get to change that on my page.

 

While it may sound insane for that kind of hobby, I am not a fan of writing super long texts, I try to keep it brief, to the point and avoid redundancy... with the exception of the currently mostly empty Journal I guess. I don't want my WikiProfile to replace the 'opportunity' to roleplay with my character IC(I am all for open world roleplay). I hope that made it a bit clearer what kind of direction I wanna go with said profile.

 

My main issues I see myself facing right now are following:

For one I am not sure if I should expand on her personality, I don't mean making my character deeper, as Lise belongs to an archetype I played quite extensively over the past year without getting boring, but the information I present to the reader. What I have currently is pretty much the first opinion one would get from her for the majority of the time unless they take a certain approach/talk about certain things. This sorta includes the like/dislike-list, I am thinking of just scrapping it and put it in text-form, because having both is, well, redundant?

 

That way I could also explain about her love-hate relationship with sweets, make her obsession with (nice) hats clearer or why she hates Lalas and so on...but maybe that's too much by then?

 

Another is her expertise, while I am indeed, an anime liking person who is used to 20 year olds being master in their art, I have long grown out of my "200 year old edgy betrayed demon QQLoveMe pseudo mary sue"-phase that everybody may or may have not been in and also know FF14 is not anime. What impression are you getting about how 'skillful' she is? Is it clear that, despite her 'taking on any job' she, well, sucks?

 

Another big problem I have is with the Avagnar Clan, without any information available, I can only make up stuff myself, but at the same time I don't want to go too much against anything established, is there a community-driven lore creation thing or something going on for stuff like that? Personally I'd imagine that the Avagnar clan is living under the Adarkim and there are single families that more or less know each other to an extent(secret signs and so on?) while learning two different 'sets of culture'. Since it is explicitly stated revealing their name means death I also simply assume those who use the name on Othard are hunted to the ends of the continent (and further) instead of just leaving them alone somewhere. But I drifted a bit off-topic I suppose.

 

Did you find her monologue on top of the wikipage funny?

 

That's pretty much it for now and I look forward to your helpful replies, enjoy the rest of your holidays \o

[Milly]

...

Edited July 14, 2020 by Milly

[Skyswimsky]

On the whole it's quite short-but-sweet which is nice. However it's maybe so short that I feel it's not making the most sense. I think it's meant to imply that she is actually Adarkim, but then it goes on to say after this is implied that she is 'supportive towards the Avagnarian cause' but not what that cause is or why. Overall I don't really understand what Avagnar and Adarkim means and why it matters which she is.

 

As you realise there are grammar and spelling mistakes. There's quite a few so I don't know how best to go through them, mostly tense to do with 'was' and 'were'. Also it's 'Au Ra' not 'Au'ra'.

 

Keep it up!

Well thank you! And I always thought Au Ra are spelled Au'Ra...now I see...I got no clue where I get that from. And as far as Adarkim and Avagnar go it's both actually official lore so I saw no need to put that in though I maybe should change that, I wouldn't have bothered with Au Ra tribe names either if I hadn't made one myself.