Hello - Interested and a Little Intimidated

[GundamPharmacist]

Well, uh, hello there. Thanks for reading this. My online handle is GundamPharmacist, though usually shortened to GP by my friends. I've been interested in RPing in this format for a long, long time, and have enjoyed the idea of being someone else for a while, whether it be in a tabletop or other setting. I've struggled with it a lot however, and it resulted in my confidence being shot. But, maybe here where I don't have to be face to face in a game I love, maybe I might be able to overcome that.

 

MMO Experience

I started out as many people did in World of Warcraft, mainly in the Burning Crusade era of things, but between being a student and a hefty subscription fee for said student, I wound up dropping in and out of it. I occasionally drifted from game to game, never sticking with one long until I stumbled upon Shin Megami Tensei: IMAGINE (R.I.P. ), and then ultimately XIV where I've wound up staying. While I was part of the open beta for 2.0, I didn't really start playing in earnest until a couple years back (I think it was the latter part of 4.2), and worked my way to current content. I like and want to get into all different aspects of the game, everything from crafting/gathering to end-game content to RP and everything in between.

 

RP Experience

This is a tough one for me. I played Dungeons and Dragons (3.5e, Pathfinder) and GURPS as a kid with a close group of friends, but trying to branch out into other groups as we got older proved to be painful and intimidating given my issues, and it fell to the wayside. I wound up finding a few friends online who pulled me into forum-post based RPing, which was far more my speed as I could take as much time as I needed to reply, and bless their hearts they've stuck with me as I've improved somewhat. However, I think it might have had an unintended repercussion - namely that I've grown to become quite shy and nervous with other groups, and as much as I want to expand my group of friends, I've become a bit too comfortable in a very small bubble.

 

Character Idea(s)

This might be a little weird as while I never intended for Chidori Yumitori (my PC) to be a RP character during creation, she wound up having her own story that got ported over to a forum based RP, which is serving as the basis for this iteration.

 

Chidori is a young Raen woman from Sui-no-Saito, short of statue but full of curiosity and vigor about the world above, and afflicted with a case of wanderlust, desires for adventure and tales of such adventures. As such, around the time of her seventeenth summer, she finally had enough of her time isolated in the village and decided to take her leave, despite her parents' wishes for her to remain and follow the tradition of becoming a hunter-gatherer. She found herself in Hingashi where she picked up on various trades, opting to be a jack of all and master of none; with her developing skills she managed to buy her place on a ship out of Othard entirely and to Eorzea, where she gave herself the surname Yumitori.

 

In Eorzea, Chidori is a bit shyer than normal, due to the language difference between Hingan and Eorzean and the culture shock being of an even greater magnitude than Hingashi's was; even years later, she struggles to read more complex Eorzean script despite having a good fundamental grasp on the spoken tongue. Arriving in Vesper Bay and traveling to Ul'dah, she joined up with both the Adventurer's Guild and then the Grand Company of the region to ensure she always had work and by extension a means to pay her dues. Due to years of multiple adventures and campaigns on the front, she's started to slow down a bit and start thinking ahead. Her current dream is to have a little shop somewhere, perhaps out of her current house in Shirogane someday, where she can come back to when she's tired of the hectic life and share stories and goods with other adventurers from all over, and maybe experience the smaller things in life she passed up before.

 

Chidori holds to the belief of kami as is common in the Far East, though she doesn't consider other religions heretical; to her, others simply worship (or don't) specific powerful kami. This flexible attitude extends to most of her life; she tends to take most things as they come provided she has some sort of preparation or fallback, both on and off the field of battle. As such, she also enjoys challenges as both a means of self-improvement and the general thrill of completing a challenging mark or project she knew since she was a child. Through this flexibility, she enjoys helping others and knows she can always be of some service... most of the time.

 

One cannot prepare for everything, and Chidori is no exception; despite this she often gets flustered or ashamed when unable to perform to task, accepting responsibility even when the circumstances were completely out of her control, and that's in the best case scenarios where she has some expertise. In others, such as high society functions or romantic relationships, Chidori is completely clueless, and will often miss any cue that has any sort of tact or subtlety - and feel either confused or even more ashamed and horrified when someone points it out to her directly; the latter is the worst case scenario as her upbringing emphasized modesty and purity, causing her to be shocked and not knowing what to do with bolder approaches.

 

Sorry for that being so long...

 

How Did I Get Here??

 

One of my dear friends enjoys RPing a lot and he wound up getting into one of the FC groups that has a thread on this forum. While we joked about him leaving our server and FC for something else, I was genuinely curious about the whole affair, and wondered if I could do it. I... genuinely don't know, but I do know this - if I don't try, I never will be able to do it. So, after some searching this morning, I came across this site from a Google search and... well, here I am.

 

What Kind of RPer Am I Looking to Be?

 

I'm not exactly sure how to use this metric as RPing feels a bit too nebulous to be easily broken down to three different arbitrary tiers of ranking through some specific metric, unlike a static. I do know I want to do more than just RP, and I may not be comfortable with MRP or ERP quiet yet, but I do want to get more invested than just dabbling or making a one time attempt (I think the overly long character concept shows that). To that end, I'm pretty sure I can say I'm not intending to be a heavy RPer, but I do want to have fun and take it seriously, if that makes sense?

 

RL Stuff

 

As my username implies, I am a fan of the Gundam franchise and a model hobbyist; I love customizing and kitbashing both figures and model kits, and am generally an artsy person. While I have laid off on drawing for a while, I'm learning to use an airbrush and thinking of doing some canvas work - maybe try to make a rendition of Chidori, though that might come out really bad.

 

More seriously, and some of you may have picked up on this from the post in general, I am neurodiverse, autistic specifically. There's many forms of it, and even two people diagnosed with the same kind of autism can have very different experiences, circumstances, strengths and weaknesses. My shortcomings, unfortunately, are social. It's hard for me to pick up on cues IRL, and combined with being an introvert and for the longest time people trying to 'cure' something that can't be cured, I've become very timid and fearful of interacting with others I don't know. As much as I want to, the crippling fear of rejection, of looking like a fool, of being treated as invalid or... words I do not wish to say despite excelling in other areas is crushing. Even this is hard, despite the lack of verbal or body cues; a great deal of me is worried that as much as I want to be someone other than myself, as much as I want to RP, that my... specific issues will come up and they will overshadow the character.

 

But... There's no way to improve if I don't push myself. There's no way to learn how to cope better or function better without trying. Wallowing in ineptitude and despair won't get me anywhere or improve my situation. I want to do the things I love and want to do, even if they're hard - and if they help me overcome my issues even just a little bit, then they're absolutely worth the struggle.

 

Sorry for the super long introduction, but I wanted to put myself out there and be upfront. Not sure how well this is going to work, but... I hope we get along!

[Lone Adventurer]

Hey there, first let me say welcome to the site and ffxiv! I read your post and just wanted to say you're not alone. While I can't relate to having autism, I absolutely know the feeling of being shy and afraid of interacting with others, out of fear of being embarrassed or rejected. But the community of this site, and the game itself as a whole, have been extremely helpful and welcoming to other players.They don't mind helping or showing new players the ropes when it comes to RP or just questions about the game in general, so you don't have to worry about that. We all had to start somewhere, and all it takes is a small step to get started; from what I've read you've already done that! Anyways don't mean to prattle on. I say all this to say that you're not alone, and that you're very much welcome, at least in my book. If you're ever looking for someone to practice RP with, or just have questions about the game, I'd be glad to help if I'm able, as would others. Again welcome, and glad to have another fellow RPer on board

Edited January 10, 2020 by Lone Adventurer