Character opinion/Feedback

[Colyer]

I'm including both in this post since I don't want to clutter up the forum with two thread so I hope that is ok.

 

I would like people's opinion on three hairstyles for my Lalafell. At the moment his basic premise is a slightly insufferable academic type. An egghead who can be apologetically blunt and clueless when dealing with other people.

 

 

 

 

 

  Tomas seemed to of had a typical average childhood, because well, it was. He was the second of two sons born to Edmynd and Teressa Colyer. Growing up he spent his days playing with the neighborhood boys in between his schooling, until after his tenth birthday when he started to help him mother tend to the family store. He eventually moved to the back workroom to help his father and to start his apprenticeship in carpentry after his older brother, Pryce decided to join up as a deckhand on a local ship, much to his father displeasure.

 

  Tomas' life remained pretty standard until getting news from his brother, whom got tired of being on a ship and traveled to Ul'Dhan and got a job as a guardsman. there it seemed he meet and fell in love with Lilwen, a local midlander. After returning from Ul'Dhan for the wedding, Tomas' father became sick, and disregarding his illness he continued to work to the point of exhaustion, and shortly before Tomas' 18th birthday his father succumbed to the illness and passed on. 

 

  The next two years were rough for Tomas and his mother. Because his training was so incomplete, Tomas was unable to pick after his father, though luckily there was enough back stock to keep the store open for a few more months. Unable to 

afford hiring a full time carpenter to produce more stock, Tomas 's mother decided to sell off their store and retire. Tomas for his part decided to get a job in the ship yards, but before that happened a letter arrived baring good news, Lilwen was pregnant. 

 

  Arriving at Ul'Dhan Tomas and his mother was meet by Lilwen with heart breaking news. There was a skirmish outside the city with a group of guards, Pryce was among them and did not make it back. Due to the situation, Teressa decided to stay and in Ul'Dhan to help Lilwen. Tomas no longer having to worry about helping to support his mother, decided to travel to Girdanian and join the Carpentry Guild. 

 

  While he did show promise, he was not initially accepted into the guild, but was given a job with them.He spent the next few years he worked for the guild, learning what he could as he waited till he reach the point where he would be accepted into the guild as an apprentice. 

 

  Tomas was out in the Twelvewoods returning from making a deliver when Bahamut made his appearance. A small piece of the now shattered moon landed nearby, the force of the impact tossed the wooden wagon Tomas was on, onto it's side throwing Tomas off where he landed hard onto the ground. Laying face down and completely winded, Tomas could only lay there listening to the sound of screaming as pieces of Dalamund streaked across the sky. Eventually he manage to turn himself onto his back, there he laid warm blood on his face and pain radiating throughout his body as he listen to the crackle of the nearby fire and the mournful cry of one of the Chocobo's that was bulling the wagon. There he closed his eyes and waited to die.

 

  Tomas awoke within the city walls, being tended by some local conjurers. And during his recuperation Tomas decided to join the Lancers guild and to learn how to fight if only for self protection. 

 

 

[Teardrop]

I'm including both in this post since I don't want to clutter up the forum with two thread so I hope that is ok.

 

I would like people's opinion on three hairstyles for my Lalafell. At the moment his basic premise is a slightly insufferable academic type. An egghead who can be apologetically blunt and clueless when dealing with other people.

 

 

That type of personality is best displayed by choice "B", in my opinion

[FreelanceWizard]

For the lalafell, option B all the way. The facial expression really gets that across.

 

For the character background, it looks good. I'd consider a couple of things, though.

 

First, it seems to revolve a lot around Tomas's family. We don't get to see a lot of his perspective on things -- what does he want to do? Did it bother him being put in the position of taking over the family business? Why didn't he start a family -- did his mother oppose it, or was the work too occupying for him? I think the backstory would be more powerful if we could see more of what was going on in Tomas's head.

 

Second, from a lore perspective, one thing I'd consider is that the Black Shroud was exceedingly dangerous to outsiders before the Calamity; it was extremely easy to anger the elementals as non-Gridanian, resulting in the accumulation of "woodsin" and ultimately the forest itself attempting to kill you. Since the Calamity, however, this effect seems to have been largely written out of the plot (the why is still undisclosed). So, you might want to consider how your character got around that. The easiest approach is that you were traveling to Gridania when Bahamut attacked, which neatly solves the issue and would put you in Gridania for 5 years prior to the start of the game. However, there's other alternatives: Tomas's family knew a Gridanian of the guild, and they were able to guide you into the city; Tomas has an affinity for the elementals (perhaps a talent for Conjury?); Tomas sneaked into Gridania with some less-than-legal assistance that knew a secret path or other means through the Shroud; Tomas fell victim to the forest, but a kindly Gridanian took pity on him and saved him; as above, but moogles saved him (mirroring the 1.0 Gridania intro sequence); etc. I'm not saying you have to change your background, just that you need to have an explanation for why the usual "outsiders get killed by the forest due to woodwrath" element of Gridania pre-Calamity didn't apply in his case.

[LeCard]

 

 

  Tomas seemed to of had a typical average childhood, because well, it was. He was the second of two sons born to Edmynd and Teressa Colyer. Growing up he spent his days playing with the neighborhood boys in between his schooling, until after his tenth birthday when he started to help hims mother tend to the family store. He eventually moved to the back workroom to help his father and to start his apprenticeship in carpentry after his older brother, Pryce decided to join up as a deckhand on a local ship, much to his father displeasure.

 

  Tomas' life remained pretty standard until getting news from his brother, whom got tired of being on a ship and traveled to Ul'Dhan and got a job as a guardsman. there it seemed he meet and fell in love with Lilwen, a local midlander. After returning from Ul'Dhan for the wedding, Tomas' father became sick, and disregarding his illness he continued to work to the point of exhaustion, and shortly before Tomas' 18th birthday his father succumbed to the illness and passed on. 

 

  The next two years were rough for Tomas and his mother. Because his training was so incomplete, Tomas was unable to pick up after his father, though luckily there was enough back stock to keep the store open for a few more months.

 

Unable to afford hiring a full time carpenter to produce more stock, Tomas 's mother decided to sell off their store and retire. Tomas for his part decided to get a job in the ship yards, but before that happened a letter arrived bearing good news, Lilwen was pregnant. 

 

  Arriving at Ul'Dhan Tomas and his mother was meet were met by Lilwen with heart breaking news. There was a skirmish outside the city with a group of guards, Pryce was among them and did not make it back. Due to the situation, Teressa decided to stay and in Ul'Dhan to help Lilwen. Tomas no longer having to worry about helping to support his mother, decided to travel to Girdanian and join the Carpentry Guild. 

 

  While he did show promise, he was not initially accepted into the guild, but was given a job with them.He spent the next few years he worked working for the guild, learning what he could as he waited till he reached the point where he would be accepted into the guild as an apprentice. 

 

  Tomas was out in the Twelvewoods returning from making a deliver when Bahamut made his appearance. A small piece of the now shattered moon landed nearby, the force of the impact tossed the wooden wagon Tomas was on, onto it's side throwing Tomas off where he landed hard onto the ground. Laying face down and completely winded, Tomas could only lay there listening to the sound of screaming as pieces of Dalamund streaked across the sky. Eventually he manage to turn himself onto his back, there he laid warm blood on his face and pain radiating throughout his body as he listen to the crackle of the nearby fire and the mournful cry of one of the Chocobo's that was bpulling the wagon. There he closed his eyes and waited to die.

 

  Tomas awoke within the city walls, being tended by some local conjurers. And during his recuperation Tomas decided to join the Lancers guild and to learn how to fight if only for self protection. 

 

 

 

I have done some minor copy editing on your background. items marked as such have been edited within the post for simple grammatical errors. However, there were a few spots that I think could use better wording/explanation, those have been marked in a unique color to indicated that they will be discussed below.

 

 

Tomas seemed to of had a typical, average childhood, because well, it was

Tomas seemed to of had a typically, average childhood, because well, it was

Tomas seemed to of had an average childhood, because well, it was

 

After returning from Ul'Dah for the wedding, Tomas' father became sick. Disregarding his illness he continued to work to the point of exhaustion, and shortly before Tomas' 18th birthday his father succumbed to the illness and passed on.

 

Tomas no longer having to worry about helping to support his mother

Please explain why he no longer has to worry about his mother. She is staying with(from what I gather a recently widowed soon to be mother) and that isn't generally thought of as someone with a stable income. Did she receive some sort of pension or widows fund type of deal?

 

Still reading? well I went with option C for the Lala, the hair just says egghead to me.

[Ildur]

I'm going to leave a small acknowledgment that my opinions on the backstory mirrors what FreelanceWizard said. Yay for others thinking and writting for me!

 

B obviously looks better, but that has little to do with the hair and all to do with the emote. I think you should have provided screens of the three alternatives during the same animation. Otherwise, option B ends up despicting a much more interesting personality than the other two.

With that said, I'll go with hair A.

[Colyer]

I changed out the photo as some suggested,

 

 

And thanks for in feedback, will change up certain aspects of my Hyur's backstory and expand on other parts as suggested.

[FreelanceWizard]

With them in the same pose, I like C, but A is also good.

[Teardrop]

My choice has changed to C as well, now that all things are even

[Falkner]

I vote for the C!

When you put some round glasses on him, it'll be awww, what a cute academic egghead~

[Colyer]

Ok, here's an updated back story. Changed up some stuff, not that happy with the end of it, but putting it up as I mulled over it.

 

 

As apologize for any words butting up against each other - for some reason pasting it in does that to random words. Tried to get them all but may of missed a few.

 

 

 

 

 

 

    Born in Limsa Lominsa, Tomas was the second son of Edmynd and Teressa Colyer. His childhood was that of a typical child, playing with his older brother Pryce and friends, attending to his studies, along with occasionally helping out at his parent’s small shop. The simplicity of Tomas’ life lasted until his fifteenth year; during this period gil became tight for Tomas’ family as business started to slow down at his family’s shop, along with the unannounced departure of his older brother as he joined up with the crew of a local ship. 

 

    Because of this Tomas found himself taking a job in the Limsa Lominsa shipyard in order to earn extra gil for him and his family. Being a relatively reserve person, and not wanting to cause more issues for his parents, Tomas kept up a calm, accepting persona of this change. But in reality Tomas was deeply disappointed.  For nearly two years, Tomas repaired ships at the shipyards, and while he grew to accept the current situation he never stopped looking forward to when he could quit and get his life back on the track he wanted. Even while the disappointment in having to put “his life” on hold dissipated, he couldn’t help but hold some resentment toward his brother for putting him in this situation.

 

    Toward the end of his second year working at the shipyards, good news rolled in. Business was finally picking up at his parents shop reaching to point where he could soon quit his current job. In addition a letter from his brother arrived saying that he was settling down in Ul’dah. While normally Tomas would have treated the news as he treated all of his brother’s letters detailing his adventures, with a veil of support and happiness. His happiness of finally reaching the light at the end of his misery carried over and he found that he was general happy for Pryce.  

 

    Unfortunately for Tomas that light was merely an illusion. Unbeknownst to him, his father was constantly feeling tired and week at the end of each day. And being the stubborn man that he was, his refused to bother the local conjurors, for what he thought was just exhaustion. It turned out to be something serious and Tomas now found himself leaving the shipyard to work at his parents shop. Even after working on the ships for so long, Tomas did not have the skill to completely take over for his father, but had enough ability to take a lot of the workload off Edmynd’s shoulders. As with before, Tomas grinned and bare it, in order to not cause any more stress on his parents. 

 

    While quietly stewing in his personal misery, Tomas’ resentment toward his brother flared up again, to the point he was seriously considering excuses to not travel to Ul’dah for his brother’s wedding later that same year. But like the dutiful son that he was, he put on a cheerful demeanor and attended, though as hard as he tried he was tired of pretending and couldn’t completely hide his feeling this time around. But in a sad twist, those who were able to see through his fake persona assumed he was hiding his worry over his father’s failing health. 

 

    Upon returning from Ul’dah things took another downward turn. The trip was too much for his father and he became bedridden as he entered what would be his final year left on Eorzea. At that point Tomas and his family entered another period of financial trouble. It wasn’t just the lack of a skilled carpenter that was putting pressure on the shop, but the renewed conflict with the Garleanians had further impact on their business. But luckily it meant that Tomas was able to return to his old job at the shipyards as the fighting meant more ships being commissioned and needing repaired. A bittersweet piece of good news did occur, as Edmynd Colyer finally passed away, without witnessing his entire life’s effort being closed, shuttered for good.       

 

    Worried about his mother living alone so soon after his father’s death, Tomas convinced her to sell the family home and move in with him. This arrangement along with a recently arrived letter announcing the impending birth of her first grandchild helped her thought the following months. But it reminded Tomas of his resentment that was suppressed over the past few months, and he couldn’t help but stew over his brother’s lack of self-sacrifice compared to his. But even that was short lived as the battle of Carteneau was approaching.

 

    Dalamud fell, Bahamut was released and then that terrible night ended. Feeling a bit weird returning to work following such an event, Tomas slowly adjusted to things again. His mother on the other hand was becoming increasingly worried, while it was only a few weeks, so far no news from Pryce has been heard. Frustrated and annoyed over what his brother was putting his mother through, Tomas sat down and decided to finally put everything out in the open when a letter finally arrived. Pryce’s squad was outside the city during that night and they never returned. The city guard sent a search but so far it has been fruitless.

 

    After the initial shock wore off, Tomas found that he was a bit angry both at his brother, and also at himself. His mothers on the other hand proceed to make plans to travel to Ul’dah to help her daughter-in-law. Using the gil she saved from the sale of the shop and her home, she decided that she was going to stay to help with the raising of her grand-daughter. 

 

    While Tomas did insist that he’ll continue to provide some support, ultimately he was left to finally get his life back on track. And though he was still fairly young, Tomas found himself continuing to work at the shipyards out of habit and to save up some gil before quitting completely. Of course that was what he was telling himself, in reality after years of wishing and longing for this very moment now that he was there, Tomas was at a lost on what to do. Tomas eventually realized that even with the bulk of the weigh off his shoulders he was still treading water here in Limsa Lominsa. So with the help of a friend, Tomas sold off his belongings and headed off to Gridania. 

 

 

 

Also quick question is there a town or village in the Mor Dhona region? Been trying to find info but the wikis are pretty sparse on details of what is in the region.