Tavern Drinking Songs (Open) {NSFW}

[GloryRhodes]

Upon walking into The Drowning Wench on a stormy night where the fisherman are in and the sailors have naught else to do, a traveler might be privy to one of Eorzea's most famous pirate shanties.

 

 

The Bawdy Twelve

 

Thaliak the Scholar

Reads a lot of books

Though he likes stick his staff

Into cozy little nooks

 

Nymeia the Spinner

Spins a weave so fair

Men have lived and died

Just to touch her pubic hair

 

Llymlaen, Navigatrix

Mistress of the seas

Always takes a little look

When any sailor pees!

 

Oschon the Wander

He's sewn his seeds so far

That any child he sees

He just says, "Yes, you are."

 

Bryergot the Builder

Built the world's tallest house

So that he looks outside

He can see down every blouse!

 

Rhalgr's the Destroyer

So when he comes to town

He never aims for what is nice

He aims for what is brown!

 

Halone is the Fury

With a heart as cold as ice

No she'll never leave her lover

Unless she's done come twice

 

Azeyma the Warden

Looks on her Miqo clans

It's true she's got peculiar tastes

"What's wrong with just one man?"

 

Nald-thal the Trader

Made a wise and crafty deal

"Listen my friend you cannot keep,

but for a gil I'll let you feel!"

 

Nophica the Matron

The eternal farmer's daughter

Knows just where is the softest hay

And she'll run slow until you've caught 'er

 

Althyk the Keeper

Always keeps track of time

And though he is an older man

Some parts still work just fine!

 

Menphina...

MENPHINA!

[Telluride]

To repost from Nathan's own repertoire...

 

"I've caroused with a punk, a lightweight drunk

Whose legs were rarely stable

And a highland girl, with the bouncy curl

Who could bounce you under the table

And the Lala in the room who could consume

More than any Roe was able

An an Elezen gent with a constant bent

For awaking in a stable

 

There's not a noblewoman out there who's so wonderfully posh

That she won't become a trollop when appropriately sloshed...

 

A puissant Paladin might have a thick skin,

But pass along a pint and he'll fall to sin

Summoners, they say, can stick it away

On a crate of cognac every day

There's nothing that a monk or two won't do

When filled with ale of an amber hue

Nobody can splurge like a Thaumaturge, or half as far can spew

 

In the mornings, their adornings may be purposefully missed...

And wondering how they got bugger-all pissed!"

[GloryRhodes]

A rather new song that can be hear sung throughout Thanalan and is beginning to range North.  Oddly enough, The 7th Heaven in Revenant's Toll has banned the song specifically.

 

The Busty Lass From Vesper

 

Oh have you heard the men as they all cry

Of the lass so tall and fair and shy

With big blue eyes and big round eyes

The busty lass from Vesper!

 

I saw her walkin' to the pier

And I thought I'd catch her ear

After all what did I have to fear

From the busty lass from Vesper!

 

I said to her, "Can I have this dance?"

But she didn't even give me a chance

She just turned her head from my upturned lance

That busty lass from Vesper!

 

So I went on home to spend my time alone

And offered up a prayer to my dear Halone

To give me a vision while I rub my bone

Of the busty lass from Vesper!

 

Now I've been to Ishgard why the dragons fly

And I've been to The Shroud with the Keepers spry

But you've never seen such a pair of eyes

As on that busty lass from Vesper!

 

Out in Limsa where I drown my woes

Back in Mor Dhona where they crystals grow

Of that vision fair I just can't let go

Yes that busty lass from Vesper!

 

Never before has a Midlander

Hit my heart like a sledgehammer

I just won't be fine till I'm with her

That busty lass from Vesper!