For anyone who plays a military toon in any of the city-states...

[Riven]

I had the idea the other day that a Eorzan version of this would be funny:

 

http://skippyslist.com/list/

 

Basically it's a list of what this guy was not permitted to do in the US Army.

 

So like to start with-you read the list, pick an item that could be translated into FFXIV bits, then post it with what city-state it could be affiliated with.  Or if it's a general thing, just say so ^^

 

I'll start:

 

 

Ishgard:  I am not permitted to go to the Forgotten Knight and 'shake my tight arse' for gil.

[desmond28]

Ooo, this looks fun! Can I do two? I'll do two...

 

While in uniform, may not perform any disappearing magic tricks on a civilian.

 

Even while undercover, rules still apply, including not sleeping with your commanding officer. In fact, don't sleep with any one who is enlisted.

[Zetchryn]

Oh god Rhaya's actually done some of these...

 

Ul'dah:

 

Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking somnus.

[Hammersmith]

Hammersmith's To Don't List from his time in the Immortal Flames:

 

 

8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.

9. Not allowed to title any product “Get Over it”.

10. Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on government time.

12. Not allowed to join any militia.

13. Not allowed to form any militia.

19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.

30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.

39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.

42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind’s baser instincts in recruitment posters.

43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

46. I am not authorized to fire officers.

54. “Napalm sticks to kids” is *not* a motivational phrase.

57. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”

59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.

67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.

69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper, while on duty.

70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.

71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.

74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.

82. May not form any press gangs.

91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.

122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.

124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.

126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.

127. “No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages” does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.

130. “I’m drunk” is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.

161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.

179. On Army documents, my race is not “Other”.

180. Nor is it “Secretariat, in the third”.

185. My name is not a killing word.

186. I am not the Emperor of anything.

187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.

188. May not challenge officers to “Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn”.

196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.

[Cheezie]

I feel like none of this applies to Limsa Soldiers

[Dogberry]

- The chief exports of Limsa Lominsa are not "rum and sodomy"

- When Leviathan attacks it is inappropriate to summon your turtle mount and sing the Gamera theme song.

- Sahagin and Popoto Chips are not a La Noscean delicacy.

[LiadansWhisper]

- The chief exports of Limsa Lominsa are not "rum and sodomy"

- When Leviathan attacks it is inappropriate to summon your turtle mount and sing the Gamera theme song.

- Sahagin and Popoto Chips are not a La Noscean delicacy.

 

I feel like all of these are perfectly acceptable and true and you are a terrible liar for suggesting otherwise!

[Cheezie]

- The chief exports of Limsa Lominsa are not "rum and sodomy"

- When Leviathan attacks it is inappropriate to summon your turtle mount and sing the Gamera theme song.

- Sahagin and Popoto Chips are not a La Noscean delicacy.

 

I feel like all of these are perfectly acceptable and true and you are a terrible liar for suggesting otherwise!

I completely Agree Liandan, those are all perfectly acceptable!

[Dogberry]

OK, then what about these?

 

- "Win A Date With Merlwyb Bloefhiswyn" is not acceptable idea for a Maelstrom recruitment drive.

- "FLOORS NOT AS STICKY AS THE QUICKSAND" is not a good way to advertise The Drowning Wench.

- Similarly, putting on a white whale costume and bringing a mammet band to perform is not welcome at the Bismarck.

- For twelves' sake, there is no Upper Limsa Lominsa Commerce Revitalization Corps, and even if there was I am not the captain of it.

- Seal Rock is not the location of a "sick ass night club", no matter how funny I find it to tell people I'm "clubbin'" there.

- "Have you tried turning it off and on again" is not a helpful suggestion when attempting to fix a piece of magitek equipment.

- "See? That always works" is not a helpful comment after turning it off and on again works.

- Goobbue are dangerous animals and nobody is benefiting from outfitting each one with googly eyes to make them look cute.