RP-Relationship discussion

[Hiname]

Hmm... maybe we should start another thread on role-play relationships. Could be an interesting topic. 8-)

 

You request, I follow.

So... where did we stopped?

 

I "tried" to have one during Aion. Somehow, I can't play alone. Without someone to enjoy the game with me, its only half as mch fun. Plus, Im a sucker for romance. *snicker*

Luckily, I have a cuddly friend who will follow right behind with me.

 

If the relationship is WELL DONE and REALISTIC, it can be a wonderfull thing. Though it requires a great deal of trust to the other person.

And, for me again, there is a very fine line between two things that can make the differance between a Relationship and... "That other side", as there is no really a word for what I have in mind. True, a real relationship cant go well without a certain level of intimacy. Question is, HOW this level is worked with in RP. IF it is played... There are endless ways, between "Okay, our chars go to bed. Have they done anything during the night?" and the real thing.

Now the question... CS or eRP? The line is thin, but it is there. CS (Cybersex) is.. well, disgusting, focused around the one and only thing and dont give a damn about the character, as its centered around the players own likes and desires.

eRP is centered around the character, his/her desires and tastefull writing, as eRP can be a GREAT thing, if done properly. Interesting fact, that it can be fun without even being erotic.

 

The biggets deal is keeping an RP-Relationship "running"... as the days fly by much faster then RL-Days, a relationship can dull pretty quicly. Both sides should make sure it remains interesting. While it is s"just" RP, one should always ask themselves "What could I do to make him/her happy?" It helps a lot.

Not everyone would like to see their character sad or crying because his/her lover broke up as it became dull and boring.

 

Phew.. enough wall of text for now.

[ArmachiA]

Let's see.... My romance card:

 

FFXI: Armi was one of those not going to end up in love types then 8 months later (real time, I'm slooowww) she ended up engaged to a dude named Aidyn. Ellion tried to pull her away from him, but no luck there. They split up due to game quittage and she had some flirtiness with Ellion but it never really went anywhere.

 

WoW: No romances.

 

Aion: Flirted around and lightly dated Siben, heavily dated Lloire. Lost them both because she was... not normal. Both took months to even consider.

 

My resume of Romance's always has them where it takes months to build. People get interested in my character often, but they quickly move on because it takes awhile for me to build a romantic storyline and they lose interest. But I like my romance to be realistic ^^;

[Dreamer]

I'm still wary of RP relationships because, as I stated in the last thread, in my experience people seem to become too emotional involved and put themselves into their character. For whatever reason, they begin viewing themselves as the character and believe that an actual relationship that can carry over into real life has been formed. Again, let me state that I do not necessarily not support relationships being started from internet means, however the fact is that RP is a game just like any other and should not be viewed as something real, and it should not be assumed that feelings or emotions being portrayed by a person's character is how she or he feels in real life. Always check and make sure that the person you plan to have some form of RP relationship with is the kind of person who is balanced enough to separate reality from fiction.

[Monadi]

The hardest part about RP romances is figuring out when they're a bad idea and not getting involved. Some people just aren't stable or skilled enough OOC to know how to RP a relationship without seriously causing trouble to the other party.

 

The last RP relationship I tried was the biggest pain in the rear I have ever had.

 

Both my character and theirs (a guildmate of mine) were deeply flawed, with self-esteem issues to boot, but strangely attracted to one another so it seemed. It was clear that it would never work long term because of their issues, though. OOCly, we discussed this, and we agreed to let it play out anyway for the drama and lulz, since good relationships are boring, and hey, what is RP without a little drama, right?

 

Unfortunately that was about as far as it ever went where good OOC communication was concerned. Their character devolved into a drama queen, demanding attention and sulking when mine wouldn't pay her enough mind. At first I found it amusing in a failzy anime relationship type of way... But as time went on, the behavior got more and more erratic, as when my character would respond and react to the her IC provocations, she would OOCly get angry and tell me that "there's no way you could tell that she liked him! you're god-modding!" It was like she artificially wanted to extend the does-he-or-doesn't-he aspect into eternity, to the point I was constantly altering my character so as not to cause more trouble with it.

 

The line got crossed when the IC relationship fail turned into guild-wide RP fail after a specific incident where her character did something that made mine have to choose between trusting her or following his personal code. He chose his code, as was his nature, and the fallout began as her friends started to mock and revile my character to the exclusion of any true plot-advancing methods; the uninvolved other guildmates often spent our RP nights sitting around with their mouths hanging open at the ridiculous turn everything had taken. Even when asked to stop, the offenders didn't - as it turns out, they were way more interested in interpersonal drama than telling a good story.

 

That was about the point I - and most of the rest of the guild - quit that game. As far as I know my character's former amour is still playing and is rather well-known for her melodrama at this point.

 

I learned a few things about that whole experience: one, to not let another person's drama ruin my own fun, and two, to stop an IC relationship cold the very minute something seems off to me OOCly. Then again, after all that, I never bothered trying a romantic angle since. I'd had several successful romances before that with just the right amount of drama, passion, and intrigue to make them work, so it's not as if I'm against them, but geez. All it takes is one burn to turn someone off of it for a long time.

 

It takes so much trust.

[Aveline]

I've only ever had relationships in FFXI through my character Niami:

 

Niami & Lurdiel: An innocent shy-glances-across-the-room relationship for a few months until they both expressed their feelings after a harrowing journey to Jeuno (level 20 walk haha). Lurdiel quit a month or so later leaving a note: "Gone to live in a cabin in the Ronfaure! Bye!"

 

Niami & Glavan: Started fantastically & very naturally. The characters fit together very well and the two of us behind them didn't plan it out or anything, it just happened after a while. Then he quit a few times or would disappear for months at a time. After the first couple of times Niami retaliated by having a steamy affair with a paladin. A year later Glavan finally went MIA for the last time, Niami went a bit crazy not knowing what happened to her husband after he left on that last mission. Cue funky dream sequences.

 

I've stated that I'm a little leery of having my character get in to a romantic relationship in 14 because I have a RL relationship with someone who will be playing the game right next to me, but I think I'm also hesitant because I really don't want to have to deal with playing the opposite role to someone who's going to leave me hanging mid-plotpoint with no solid reason. >_>

[Dreamer]

...failzy anime relationship type of way...

 

...It was like she artificially wanted to extend the does-he-or-doesn't-he aspect into eternity...

 

 

This brings up another point I've been thinking about and that's that a lot of people seem to RP a relationship straight out of a B rated manga. Now I'm a fan of some anime and manga, but for the most part I think it's safe to say that most of the writing is complete garbage. No one behaves realistically and the whole "does-he-doesn't-he, will-she-won't-she?" sort of plot carries out way, way too long. I said it jokingly before, but I was actually dead serious and that's I really do blame the manga. If you read it, fine, but don't replace it with actual books. :study:

[Kylin]

Hoo boy, I have some strong opinions all over the place on this topic .

 

Iâve never actually role-played a meaningful IC romantic relationship with another RPer. Not because I didnât want to but because it just never fit my characters to do so. I think romantic relationships in the RP world are very important though and create a ton of stories, both adorable and dramatic.

 

That said, there are a few issues I do have with them. And I know others will disagree with me vehemently on some of this but it is how I personally feel. First, I very strongly believe that real life couples should -not- RP romantic relationships with each other. Why? Even though real life partners may be extremely comfortable Rping with each other on that level, there are drawbacks they never seem to take into consideration.

 

One such drawback is the IC/OOC barrier. There really isnât a big one left when a real life couple also has an IC relationship. OOC paranoia is sometimes heightened over IC actions and so on. My character in FFXI was actually quite flirtatious. He flirted with just about any hume/mithra/elvaan female he encountered. That was just who he was and it was 100% IC. There was a point where I was actually OOCly told to stop IC flirting with someone simply because it made her and her boyfriend uncomfortable (or rather paranoid). I found this very insulting personally. I donât like being told to stop Rping my character a certain way just because someone else canât keep IC and OOC divided. And I tend to be very good at keeping IC/OOC completely separate, but apparently some people arenât as able to. Obviously this doesnât apply to all IC/OOC mixed couples. But the majority seems to fit in this category.

 

The biggest drawback though is isolation. Basically, real life couples rarely ever have their characters break up unless they break up in real life. Thus, itâs rather pointless to even try throwing an IC wrench into the RP relationship because you already know it wonât do squat. Itâs not fun to RP a third wheel in a predetermined relationship that you know you canât do anything about. Thus, the couple unknowingly pushes away a lot of potential RP interactions. And since they tend to do everything together, it becomes even more difficult to get involved with any of their RP stories (as well as getting them into other RP stories outside their own). So yeahâ¦they tend to push away a good chunk of other RPers even though they donât realize it.

 

As for ERPâ¦I wonât touch too much on this. I do believe it should be kept COMPLETELY off any kind of public chat though (save maybe little things like kissing, holding hands, etcâ¦but Iâm not sure any of that falls into ERP). My biggest issue with it is the fact that some people use RP communities specifically for this. It irks me to no end when people use a community as their own personal Playboy mansion. I understand that there are horny people in real life and itâs only natural that there are also going to be horny people in the RP world. But it really annoys me when people join a group specifically to get cyber laid. I can always recognize these types of people because they very seldom interact with people of the same gender on any IC/OOC level >.>.

[ArmachiA]

Long story is long.

 

This sounds like something simuliar that happened to me, but I was on the other side. The only difference is my character didn't actually have any romantic feelings for hers (Female playing a male) and it didn't matter how many times I told her other wise she was convinced she did.

 

Armi was supposed to (She didn't really turn out this way, but that's whole nother can of worms) be a social outcast, not known for people wanting to get close to her, and basically causing a lot of trouble. When she got forced into a military unit, she was fully expecting to stay in the background and keep quiet, no one wanting to talk to her. She and one of the members started getting close, by accident really, and they seemed to find some common ground. She didn't want him to find out about her shady past, terrified if he did he would stop talking to her. He was her only friend, she regarded him, I suppose, the same way a girl with a crush would, always nervous around him and unsure of what to say, but that's only because she had never had a friend before. She noticed him starting to be more social with people around him and wondered why, sometimes jealous over the fact he was doing better than she was (They were both supposed to be bad at this after all)

 

It kind of all went to hell then, the other person got the wrong idea after a post I had made about how nervous she was and afraid of losing him and she was uncomfortable. She never told me about it though, so I had no idea this was even an issue. She mentioned that her character new my character like hers on the forums, and I told her my character did not have feelings for him in that way, she was just terrified of losing him, and he wouldn't know for a fact, he would just be assuming. Later on it turned into guild drama, when I asked the GL if said person was uncomfortable and he reluctantly told me she was. I said I would stop all "romantic" inclination toward her character and it would be done. There wasn't any, but it didn't seem worth it to argue that.

 

Her character then made a decision that costed a lot for my own, causing people to take sides. Some characters were on Armi's side, some were on hers. Those who were on my side of course treated her character with distaste, but she got mad, thought it was bringing OOC drama IC, when it wasn't. I guess it was because it was "my" group (I had brought 5 people with me to this guild) vs "her" group and I could even see how it would look that way, but one in my group didn't agree with Armi, but that person was never RPed with by the other side, so they couldn't have known. And those on Armi's side were distrustful of the character for how he reacted after the drama was over, not before or during.

 

The TL;DR is the whole thing was a misunderstanding and I really wish it would have been worked out at one. Both ME and the girl did things we probably shouldn't have, or didn't even realize we were doing.

 

But that's always a risk one has to take in ANY RP situation, not just Romance RP.

 

Always make sure those lines of communication are open

 

Funnily enough ,as mentioned in my previous post, she did end up romantically involved with two men, both of whom it did not last very long. That girl was not meant for romance

[Goliam]

Just read this thread. I am now officially terrified of even considering Romance RP.

 

It sounds like kicking a frigging hive of hornets. That are also covered in bees. That are on fire.

[ArmachiA]

^ all RP is. In Fact, all human interaction is that which you just described

 

I've had RP sessions break out into screaming matches between players over way less than Romance. I was the GM, but hell if they listened to me when I said shut up . Seriously, one guy decided to grab a sword during his turn and the other guy immediately started bitching at him about wanting that sword and he was a douche and HUGE FIGHT. I swear they were going to start punching... over a fake sword... in a table top game...

[Goliam]

...You lot have terrible luck, then.

 

Ive tabletop gamed, all that business. NEVER had anything near that. Most likely because that a table-top group is in range of getting smacked.

 

While I really havent romantically RPd Ive done a pretty good share, never really got into any high level weirdness like this...

 

must not fear fear is the mind killer

must not fear fear is the mind killer

 

must not fear fear is the mind killer

[ArmachiA]

Hahaha just remember that most, if not all, RP Drama comes from lack of communication. In Romance RP it's VERY important, the most important thing. Stay in constant communication over what you want and what you feel comfortable with and you will be just fine.

 

Be wary of those who want to romance RP but not talk about it OOC or ever talk to YOU OOC, those are the ones you should run from

[Tyriont]

I prefer to let things unfold naturally so if this happens, so be it...but I have absolutely no intention of seeking out any form of romance RP with Ty this time around. I got lucky in FFXI in that Ty's two most significant relationships worked out very well - with Endinka who made a wonderful foil as the devoted knight to Ty's roguish pirate and the two were often rather unsure around one another. It ended up creating some awesome scenes when those two lives contradicted one another and I recall one written scene which was particularly powerful at the time - everything had basically fallen down around Endi and she'd been illegally imprisoned. Ty's crew rescued her and she was faced with the decision of sticking with him or trying to return to her old life. The crew being camped out, it seemed at first that Endi had left only to find her watching the ocean having decided to stick with Ty. That action had a huge impact on Ty's characterization and affected everything he did from then on.

 

The last relationship was with Raenef, another knight (Ty seemed to love the complicated ones) who was intrigued by Ty and kicked him in the head a lot, but moonlighted as a corsair. Ty was intrigued by her and determined to get into her head. Things developed and the two wound up together which lead to some of the most fun I've ever had RPing. They were still together when we both stopped roleplaying and I like to think the two of them are still off adventuring and beating up poor Aries (Rae's brother).

 

I've never met Endi out of game, Rae and I were together for quite a while, but both ones played out well because of OOC communication. But Ty, you dashingly handsome rogue - I hear you ask - if it worked out so well, why are you determined not to do it this time around?

 

Well, for all the reasons others have given above. Through no fault of her own, Endi often had to leave the game for a while unsure of whether she would return which left Ty kinda hanging - they eventually had a mutual breakup for that reason. It -can- work out really well but it takes a lot of effort...and this time around, I'm not planning on spending anywhere near as much time in-game since I'm way more involved in RL stuff than I used to be. I therefore think it would be unfair to a partner if I wound up absent from the game for a while and left them stranded. Similarly, I've seen far too many issues come up in RL relationships because of IC stuff...I'd rather not a) be the cause of someone else's issues or b) have them come up in my own (when I, y'know, find one again). I've been in both of those examples and I don't care to repeat them.

 

Bottom line: While they can work with excellent OOC communication...frankly, I don't feel like it would be worth the effort at this point in time.

[ArmachiA]

I think a good rule of thumb is to not go into RP looking for Romance, then if it finds you great, and if it doesn't, that's great too.

 

I never go into RP sessions wanting to come out with a husband, Armi has never been rolled with a good personality for romance, but sometimes it just happens and sometimes it never does (Like WoW)

[Renaise]

Relationships in RP huh?

 

Oh boy....

 

 

Lets see,

 

Sometimes they work out well, a lot of the time they don't, and when they don't they often go out with heavy drama with people taking sides, or a whimper which is kind of depressing. They require good communication between both parties involved. You need to be mindful of boundaries, and be certain not to isolate yourself from the outside world and your other friends...

 

Now am I talking about real life relationships or RP ones?

 

General rule of thumb on this in my opinion, just try and know what exactly you are letting yourself in for before getting involved.

[Kashemia]

Heh, I'm just gonna comment on what Castiel said first.

In most cases, I completely agree, I think people have a hard time seperating IC and OOC, and I've seen it first hand, where a girl got mad at me because my character danced with her husbands character at a party. There was no flirting, they barely spoke before or after, and yet, she got angry.

 

However, being engaged to a guy who quite possibly played the biggest tail chaser I've seen (Yes, Vahsyl), I'll have to say that it CAN work. It takes a lot of trust, but it's not something I've ever had an issue with. We have played relationships, we've even roleplayed sort-of-relationships-while-at-the-same-time-flirting-with-other-characters. It works because we talk about it and make sure that neither of us cross the limit to what the other person is comfortable with.

 

When we roleplay relationships, they are NEVER like our relationship. IRL, we never argue, we're quite annoyingly happy with eachother really, yet the rp relationships we've played has.. Never really panned out because they take ages to get started, because, well, they're never easy. I can't think of one time we've been even close to what we have in real life.

We're also both extremely aware of not isolating us self when roleplaying.

 

 

Another thing is, that while I possibly roleplayed romance with others in the past, my fiancé is just the person I right now am enjoying playing with the most. It doesn't mean that we don't roleplay with others, it doesn't mean that we will roleplay romance in XIV, but if it happens, I'm not gonna feel bad about it, because I know we can handle it.

 

Another comment to that is, that to the people who get upset about stuff like for instance your character IC'ly flirting with their girlfriends char or something, it would really help if they weren't playing a couple. It would probably be just as big a problem if they were not roleplaying a couple and you flirted with her char. Some people just can't figure out how to seperate IC and OOC, and it has nothing to do with being/roleplaying a couple

 

So yeah, this was just to show that while it very often can go wrong, and I've seen it too, it can work as well, you just have to have the right attitude about it

[ArmachiA]

Let's see, as a couple RPing:

 

Me and Ellion have been together for 5 years. We have never been romantic with each other ICly unless you count the push drag flirting we did in FFXI (6 years ago). Me and him just do not make compatible characters. Also, both of us understand the difference of IC and OOC. His character has dated before, as well and it's really no big deal. We are happy and secure enough in our own relationship to know that RP doesn't equal real.

 

It's all about how secure you feel about your own relationship, those running around being jealous over character interactions probably aren't all that secure.

[Kashemia]

It's all about how secure you feel about your own relationship, those running around being jealous over character interactions probably aren't all that secure.

 

Yeah, that was pretty much what I was trying to say... Except in fewer words <.< That people who get upset over their partner in roleplay will probably get upset no matter if they're roleplaying a relationship or not.

 

I should start summing up my posts, I always babble so much that I think the point get lost somewhere in there.

[Monadi]

Just read this thread. I am now officially terrified of even considering Romance RP.

 

It sounds like kicking a frigging hive of hornets. That are also covered in bees. That are on fire.

 

Yeah, seriously. When it goes right, it's really cool because it can be a really defining set of moments for your character development.

 

When it goes wrong, and not in a pre-planned kind of way? Man, that stuff can permanently eff up friendships and guilds and communities. It's definitely playing with fire. I can't imagine trying that stuff inside a smallish closed group again.

[Kashemia]

Heh, well, don't be too scared. I haven't had very many RP relationships, but for those I've had, I'm still very good friends with the "other part". It's not always terrible, you just have to chose your "partner" well... Make sure that you're on the same page, etc.

 

I'm worried that these threads start sounding like all I do is rp romance <.< I really don't!

[Monadi]

It's all about how secure you feel about your own relationship' date=' those running around being jealous over character interactions probably aren't all that secure.[/quote']

 

This "secure in your own relationship" phenomenon isn't even just applicable to RP, either. I've seen many a couple have blow-up fights over their significant other merely talking to/befriending someone of the opposite sex online, even in non-RP raiding style guilds. Drama seems to follow couples online more often than I'd ever hope. I think the fact that it's roleplay just magnifies it. It's hard for a non-gaming, non-RPing significant other to understand that it's like acting and not acting out.

[Monadi]

I'm worried that these threads start sounding like all I do is rp romance <.< I really don't!

 

Heh, mine's starting to sound like all I do is complain about RP romance. :lol:

 

I'll be honest and say I am pretty genuinely scared of ever doing one of these again. Y'all have way more balls than I do; one bad experience is enough to make me super wary. I'll never rule it out 100%, but I don't think I'll ever play a character that could be perceived as "available" ever again.

[Goliam]

The moral of the story: Get a gamer significant other and brace for HORNETS COVERED IN BEES.

 

(That are on fire).

[Kashemia]

Well, to be completely honest, it's not just online. Drama follow some couples everywhere. I've known people freaking out because their partner had friends of the opposite sex, glanced in the direction of an attractive woman on the street or commented that an actor/actress was pretty.

 

It does seem to be very common on the internet too though.

 

And Goliam: Oh yeah, I'm just waiting for hell to break lose personally.

[Smiling River]

A baby dies when people mix up OOC and IC.

 

That being said I know of a few people who started IC relationship and moved on to an OOC one. How does this happen if there is an IC/OOC barrier? No idea. Personally I keep those completely separate, and am slightly irked by people that cross the boundary either way. Be it IC relationship turning OOC, or an OOC relationship influencing IC actions.

 

During my time in FFXI, I RP'ed 2 serious relationships and a few dates. I was in an RL relationship at the time too, and my gf understood the difference between an online game and reality? lol There really wasn't any competition. I really enjoyed the IC relationships though, they created a bunch of good RP and stories. My character was blind, so I was pretty proud of his prowess That is, until a guy started to steal his girl right there in front of him, but I couldn't do anything about it! Good times!

 

In FFXIV, Mason will start out with an NPC gf. It will be realistic since I'm in complete control of it. Eventually it'll end though, and after that I'd be open to all possibilities regarding IC relationships. As with everything else, it'd need to happen naturally IC. ERP is not for me personally, and I am worried about the OOC/IC boundary when others do it, but ultimately even that is not my business. That boundary better be there when they RP with me though, cause then it becomes my business lol