Having trouble with lasting connections

[E'irawen]

Heya. Posting again and stuff.

 

I'm not really sure what to do or anything. I pick up random RP sometimes in the Quicksands, but I seem to have issues making lasting connections for K'aworu, and even myself. He has his sister and her people, but I don't want him just riding those coattails and burdening those players, y'know?

 

I feel kind of stuck and frustrated with it. I really want to rp. I try to get out there, pick up tavern RP, or go to events if I can (i know there is a ball coming up, but my alt is going with her fiancee. I'm sure K'aworu doesn't want to go alone, either. So.)

 

I have little plots with him and stuff, but I can't quite get it off it's feel very well. He has no connections, nothing.

 

So...yeah. I don't know, I guess. Feeling lost and discouraged.

[John Spiegel]

That's an issue I have outside of the pearl (mainly due to my job keeping me out 25-30 days at a time). What I would suggest is you have K'aworu get mixed up in someone else's stuff. Tavern RP is nice but it doesn't build lasting bonds as getting through something with someone can.

[Zhavi]

I think a lot of the time the reason rp doesn't turn into long-term connections is because the characters haven't connected. For many characters, unless you put external pressure on them to be around certain other characters, they're not going to naturally come together. They need to be able to have a good reason to hang around a stranger and get to know them better -- it's the same way in real life. Most of the interactions I have with strangers don't go anywhere. I have no desire to get to know the girl I had a ten minute conversation with any better. Granted, sometimes spontaneous rp turns into something spectacular, but far more often than not no connection is made.

 

This is why I encourage people to talk to players oocly. One more thing you can do is either discuss some ideas, or have some in your own mind to push circumstantial/spontaneous meetings into the territory of a memorable encounter. It's why I try to always have some sort of plot in mind for rp, even if it's something simple. Like, heck, once upon a time I set up a scene where a group of street kids were beating up a stray dog, and my character was getting ready to beat up the ringleader, because it was something my character would do, and because I knew the character I was playing with wouldn't be able to walk by. In the end, the morality of both characters was challenged, and though they were uneasy around each other, it eventually lead to more conversations and more butting into each other's business.

 

So, you know, look around at others' characters, find one that would jive well with yours, talk to the player. Give the characters something to work towards/against either for a one-off rp or that can turn into a multi-encounter thing. Keep pushing until they form a connection.

[cuideag]

I think a lot of the time the reason rp doesn't turn into long-term connections is because the characters haven't connected.  For many characters, unless you put external pressure on them to be around certain other characters, they're not going to naturally come together.  They need to be able to have a good reason to hang around a stranger and get to know them better -- it's the same way in real life.  Most of the interactions I have with strangers don't go anywhere.  I have no desire to get to know the girl I had a ten minute conversation with any better. Granted, sometimes spontaneous rp turns into something spectacular, but far more often than not no connection is made.

 

This is why I encourage people to talk to players oocly.  One more thing you can do is either discuss some ideas, or have some in your own mind to push circumstantial/spontaneous meetings into the territory of a memorable encounter.  It's why I try to always have some sort of plot in mind for rp, even if it's something simple.  Like, heck, once upon a time I set up a scene where a group of street kids were beating up a stray dog, and my character was getting ready to beat up the ringleader, because it was something my character would do, and because I knew the character I was playing with wouldn't be able to walk by.  In the end, the morality of both characters was challenged, and though they were uneasy around each other, it eventually lead to more conversations and more butting into each other's business.

 

So, you know, look around at others' characters, find one that would jive well with yours, talk to the player.  Give the characters something to work towards/against either for a one-off rp or that can turn into a multi-encounter thing.  Keep pushing until they form a connection.

 

^ ^ ^

 

Tavern chit-chat is one thing, and it's great if you want some casual, killin-the-time RP. Lasting connections need reasoning behind them so throw yourself out there, make some OOC connections! Get to know the other players as well as the characters they play, and scheme! I think you will find that your interactions will be more fullfilling and the relationships you build IC and OOC will help make the RP game more enjoyable overall.

[ArmachiA]

OOC is very important for this. You want to RP with someone? Send them a tell. Say "Hello" to them. This is the ONLY way I've found to make connections, it's really the only way I've found that works. Characters can talk in a bar all they want, but like the real world, there is no guarantee that they will meet again. However, unlike the real world, they all have players pulling their puppet strings so it's easy to go "I think your and my character get along, we should rp more!" Then set a date (Don't say "We should rp more" and then don't set a date, that's bein' lame).

 

I do this because I have absolutely no shame and I've met a lot of really cool characters this way.

 

 

It's just so, so important.

[E'irawen]

I've been finding it difficult to set up times/dates with a majority of people I am meeting. Everyone keeps saying that spontaneous RP is better and that they prefer it, and that they don't like to set up things. So... I'm not sure on that front.

 

I'll do my best to try and be more communicative OOCly, though. I'm generally not. I get really nervous and anxious.

[Magellan]

The problem with spontaneous rp is it kind of leads back to your original post; spontaneous rp usually doesn't lead anywhere meaningful, and fails to set up deeper connections (though sometimes it does).

 

In order for others to get invested in your character, and vice versa, there needs to be some sense of continuity, which is best developed with OOC communication and planned rp. Give them a reason to keep building a shared story together (whether those be IC or OOC reasons), otherwise it will just be fluff rp like tavern and whatnot.

[Zhavi]

When it comes to people who prefer spontaneous rp, the key is to have an idea of what to do in your head. Have a few ideas in mind of things that can happen during the rp and then have it happen once you start rping. If you're in game, I think it's best to try to set something up in the moment. Worst case scenario, they're busy or don't want to -- you've shown your interest and hopefully have made a good impression. Chances are if you try again you might be able to make something work. Generally I go with a three strike rule. If I try to rp with someone on three separate occasions and they're always busy and don't want to work out a time, then I move on to someone else.

 

Otherwise, I think sometimes that if you find a great character that you want to play with, pm the player on these forums (usually if they're on the forums they're not in the middle of something and will be able to properly talk to you) and start out with telling them you would like to rp with them and that you had some ideas about when/where your characters might meet, etc. If they're interested in plotting then they'll ask about your ideas, if not then you can just try to arrange the rp itself and set something into motion once you start rping.

 

As I told someone else, sometimes when you get nervous it's good to think of it as a way of brightening someone else's day. It's always flattering to have someone pick you, specifically, out of all the numerous other people they could have picked. Be genuine and polite, show enthusiasm. Even if nothing works out, at the least you will have paid them a compliment and hopefully made them feel good -- can't go wrong there. And, well, it's okay if things don't work out. Try not to look at it in a negative light (easier said then done sometimes, I know). I know I've been turned down and had to turn people down due to a finicky schedule or things overlapping or whatnot -- it happens and it does not in any way reflect badly on you!

[ArmachiA]

I've been finding it difficult to set up times/dates with a majority of people I am meeting. Everyone keeps saying that spontaneous RP is better and that they prefer it, and that they don't like to set up things. So... I'm not sure on that front.

 

I'll do my best to try and be more communicative OOCly, though. I'm generally not. I get really nervous and anxious.

 

Anyone who does this is bein' lame too. Find people who don't mind OOC communication. I am telling you, a whole new world opens up when you do. Everything is easier and funner and better.

[Roen]

I will echo the the great advice given above.

 

OOC communication is very important. Now, not always will things work out the first few times around. I know I exchanged PMs with a few people here and things just didn't work out to us getting together for any arcs. But I like Zhavi's three strike rule! It gives you some leeway and room for patience. Because sometimes it's just bad timing if things don't work out, not any fault on either side.

 

Not to say that spontaneous RP will never lead to lasting connections, because in my experience it has as well. But I consider that pure luck. I have ran into PLENTY of people where I saw their RP emote, I wanted to play with them, but I was doing something else or whatnot and it didn't happen. That's when scheduling things ahead of time works best.

 

I have made some luck PMing people here too, on the RPC. I would definitely suggest that since in game people are often busy doing something, running dungeons and other RP stuff. At least while reading a PM, you know you have their full attention.

 

Also it sounds like you have an active SL going with at least one of your alts? The one going to the ball? Maybe use that character and their circle to start entwining it with another character of yours?

 

Just some suggestions. Good luck!

[E'irawen]

On the topic of communicating OOCly and stuff, is it stupid to sort of 'advertise' so to speak that you want to get something romantic going for your character or is it better to just leave it up to spontaneous..ness.

[Y'hmir]

On the topic of communicating OOCly and stuff, is it stupid to sort of 'advertise' so to speak that you want to get something romantic going for your character or is it better to just leave it up to spontaneous..ness.

 

I myself let it happen spontaneously but it only worked because both myself and the other player AND our characters clicked together so well- and for us that was pure chance and completely unplanned.

 

But I also imagine this works different for everyone, and if you already have trouble finding people for spontaneous rp, maybe this would get you a chance to know someone better- I personally have to get on well with the players behind the character too.

[Melkire]

Not to say that spontaneous RP will never lead to lasting connections, because in my experience it has as well. But I consider that pure luck.

 

Speaking as someone who has recently been trying to branch out as far as roleplay connections are concerned, I cannot stress the above enough.

 

Spontaneous RP is like casting a line into a still pond. You might get a bite, and you might get what you were after, but there are so many factors beyond your control that you're better off rigging the game by going to the market and straight-out buying the fish you want for dinner.

 

The trick is, as others have said, to "throw yourself out there", which more or less boils down to exposure. The more often you're around, the more likely you'll run into familiar faces, the more chances you'll have to break out into roleplay (this step really depends on you to be proactive), the more familiar your respective characters will get, and thus the more likely that you'll break into OOC discussion that'll lead to something more solid and lasting.

 

Tavern-lurking is just a small part of this. Send tells. Walk up to roleplayers who invite walk-ups in their search info. Attend events. Sign up for activities and storylines. Join linkshells. Bounce around some FCs if need be (but at least give them the courtesy of a heads-up that you're doing so).

 

To expand on the "wallflower" idea: people aren't looking to roleplay with People-to-Whom-Interesting-Things-Happen, they're looking to roleplay with Interesting-People-to-Whom-Things-Happen. Meaning, if you're looking to roleplay as a passive observer, no one is going to go out of their way to invite or include you, because bystanders are boring and might as well be NPCs (harsh but true). If, however, you're proactive about roleplaying (even if you're roleplaying solo, say running around Pearl Lane hunting for some kitten that a client has hired you to catch, stopping occasionally to ask PCs if they've seen said kitty), people will take notice because you're an active, dynamic element rather than a NPC-esque wallflower.  

 

As for social anxiety, there shouldn't be. That's one of the marvels of the internet: anonymity gives you the freedom that is lack of repercussions. You can be more forward and bold without having to worry, because unless you go out of your way to share your personal details with them, these people are people you'll never meet or have to deal with in real life. It's a mindset thing, and it's something that takes effort and getting used to (I still suffer on occasion from extreme bouts of shyness where I cannot bring myself to send a /tell to someone I've never spoken with before... despite their search info encouraging me to do so).

 

...so yeah.

[E'irawen]

I appreciate the advice in this thread. 

 

I suppose I don't entirely know where to start anymore with any of it. I know exposure is important, but with the difficulty I'm having even getting any RP, it feels a bit like exposure is difficult too.

 

I have plotstuff going for him that I've been told is interesting and not even breaking lore either, and I've posted about it several times and left bits on his wiki for people to follow, but that hasn't gone anywhere either.

 

A lot of the people I do know to RP with, they're end game players so their schedules are a bit busy and clogged. When I do get RP, I try to make it interesting so that it's something they want to come back to me for, y'know?

 

Other than tonights ball event, I usually take him to every event that (i'm aware of). I've been through like six FCs now and all of my linkshell slots are even full.

 

But I guess that's what I mean. It isn't really for lack of trying. I just don't really know what else I can do to "get out there" when everything I've been doing so far doesn't seem to be working? I keep wondering if maybe he's not interesting enough, despite my best efforts to make the RP sessions have some sort of drama or mini conflict or just something that can be considered interesting.

[Koninbeor]

Have you ever thought about posting an open thread in the Town Square? I, for one, hardly ever look at a person's wiki unless I have a specific reason to get to know their character better; or if I'm just completely bored and have nothing to do but look at the wiki.

[E'irawen]

Honestly, no. The last time I tried to do that nobody was interested because they said they preferred to be in-game.

[ArmachiA]

On the topic of communicating OOCly and stuff, is it stupid to sort of 'advertise' so to speak that you want to get something romantic going for your character or is it better to just leave it up to spontaneous..ness.

 

Romance!

 

Romance should come from seeing if your character has chemistry with another character. I wouldn't run around advertising you want a romance, but instead look for new contacts, roleplay with them and see where the characters' chemistry is. Because you could advertise and your characters just... don't have that spark and its awkward if you plan it and it doesn't work out. Romance should be as organic as possible, really. Always be honest though! In OOC communications with your rp buddy let it be known if you felt there was a connection between the two and your not adverse to romance SHOULD it happen.

 

Don't expect romance to happen either, let it be surprising and fun and spontaneous, with - of course - both players OOCly being okay IF (not when) it goes there.

[Koninbeor]

The Town Square has been pretty active recently.

 

On the topic of communicating OOCly and stuff, is it stupid to sort of 'advertise' so to speak that you want to get something romantic going for your character or is it better to just leave it up to spontaneous..ness.

 

Romance!

 

Romance should come from seeing if your character has chemistry with another character. I wouldn't run around advertising you want a romance, but instead look for new contacts, roleplay with them and see where the characters' chemistry is. Because you could advertise and your characters just... don't have that spark and its awkward if you plan it and it doesn't work out. Romance should be as organic as possible, really. Always be honest though! In OOC communications with your rp buddy let it be known if you felt there was a connection between the two and your not adverse to romance SHOULD it happen.

 

Don't expect romance to happen either, let it be surprising and fun and spontaneous, with - of course - both players OOCly being okay IF (not when) it goes there.

 

You seriously mean to tell me that you read the Getting Married thread and still think that random romance for the sake of random romance is a bad idea? C'mon, now. That was epic fun.

[Kahnopy]

Hey Kaoru,

 

Without being in your exact situation, I myself would like to also make more lasting connections with others characters and their people. Twice it has happened so far, but the more the merrier, right? So here's my offer to you, to add me in game, at least so that we can brainstorm ideas and see if we can plan some sort of commonground for our characters to interact, staying true to them, that's no questionning.

 

Indeed, I might be told that it is only staged and forced, but so far, I've made my best RP connections in such a way, with just a little pre-meet planning, and then things went lovely from that point. I'm on at odd times (Europe blesses you) but one more contact is... one more contact, eh?

 

I don't intend to judge on people's other ways to meet, but if you're getting that urgency to find some RP for your character, then so be it! We're all here to have fun, right? And one can hardly achieve that alone.

 

As a footnote, I'll be attending the ball. Hope to see you and your character around (:

[Melkire]

With regards to whether K'aworu is interesting or not, just a couple of things I noticed while skimming through the wiki entry really quickly:

 

1. Where's the character's motivation? Character development is usually what brings said character to life, and that's usually driven by a number of motives. Either I missed it while skimming (my bad!) or else it's nonexistent.  

 

2. You have to be really, really, really careful about (and/or skilled with) roleplaying a character with negative social traits such as clinginess, shyness, lack of sense of self-worth, or loopiness. The same traits that discourage people IRL from socializing with someone more often than not can also extend to RP. It's this awkward position where you're trying to play an archetype that by definition is self-limiting.

 

E.g. if I'm not in the mood to listen to some crazy cloudcuckoolander on the bus in the morning on the way to work, I'm not likely to care for it in my RP where I'm supposed to be relaxing and enjoying myself.

 

E.g. The mopey kid who's no fun to hang out with IRL? Probably no more fun to hang out with a mopey kid in RP.

 

It's a hard thing to play as, and unfortunately I've noticed that it puts some people off.

[E'irawen]

@ Haeden: I'm more than happy to add you when I log back in.  I really appreciate it.

 

 

@Melkire: Thanks for pointing this out. While a couple of the traits haven't changed much, most have (such as the shyness and avoiding people altogether thing), and I really need to update it. 

 

I do know the type of character he is makes him challenging to get into RP and various relationships and such (like how people want to make the deep brooding anti-social characters but then wonder why noone approaches them). I know it's tricky, but it was something I welcomed when I made him.

 

I'll go edit/update that. I apologize.

[Melkire]

I'll go edit/update that. I apologize.

 

You've nothing to apologize for, I'm just trying to help. Trust me when I say that I understand how it feels to be thinking along the lines of, "why don't people RP with me/my character?"

 

I'd also suggest taking up Koninbeor's advice. See if you can't get into some play-by-post RP and the like, as there's no "we both have to be available at the same time to RP together!" factor involved in play-by-post.

[Zhavi]

But I guess that's what I mean. It isn't really for lack of trying. I just don't really know what else I can do to "get out there" when everything I've been doing so far doesn't seem to be working? I keep wondering if maybe he's not interesting enough, despite my best efforts to make the RP sessions have some sort of drama or mini conflict or just something that can be considered interesting.

 

Speaking as someone who's been rping for a long time as a primary hobby, I've come to the conclusion that almost no one is going to reach out to you to get the rp going. It's likely different for some people, but I have never been the one who gets asked to rp on a regular basis. Even when my characters are well connected or have established relationships with other characters, it's usually me who is the initiator. Why is that? I don't have a clue. Sometimes I've asked my regular rp partners if my writing or ideas are shit or something and I just haven't realized it, but when I'm not having performance anxiety I think it just boils down to people being into their own things or, in some cases, a sort of unwillingness -- for whatever reason! -- to be the initiator.

 

And that's why I say to look at the characters you want to rp with. When you try to engage someone in rp with you, see if you can't tweak the circumstances so that it will affect both characters. For example, in my thread with Goodfellow we worked it out so the rp will largely focus on the strange book he carries. My character is focused on money and connections. Both characters will have skin in the game. Most of the interaction will be forced -- my character is the one who needs the connection for one of her jobs -- but it will personally affect both characters. It's not just about what the player is interested in -- you need to make sure it hooks the character, too.

 

And, sometimes, if we're being brutally honest, people won't be interested if they don't know you and don't see how the characters are going to interact. That's why it is imperative that you bring several ideas to the table. People like feeling like they have choices, and that you've invested thought into it. As Koninbeor said, most people -- unless they are in need of rp -- will not look at the wiki. So don't expect people to look at yours or pull plot ideas from yours. You be the one to do that. Will it feel a bit unfair sometimes? Yeah, sure, maybe sometimes because we're all human, but if you want the rp you gotta go out and wrestle that sucker down.

 

But let me put my money where my mouth is. Pretending for a moment that our characters are based in the same area, and that our characters have common interests --

 

Hey there!

 

So I was looking through the wiki and I stumbled across your character. I really liked how resourceful he is, and thought it could be super interesting if maybe he has a run-in with my character. Mine is a bit more socially aggressive than yours, so that could help get them started. If you're interested I have some ideas I'd love to toss around with you. Please let me know if you are or aren't interested!

 

 

^- that's it. Simple, to the point. I've shown that I've read about your character, that I liked what I read, and that I want to collaborate with you. Most people aren't going to turn their noses up to that. And if timezones/availability is an issue, work out a closed thread on the forum!

[Y'hmir]

I am simply going to echo Zhavi's post as they brought up a lot of good points. What I've learned to do is to try and be flexible- not with my character himself but rather where he can ICly be at any given time. Keeping to only one city, even if Ul'dah is usually a pretty good hub for rp didn't help me.

 

Shooting people messages, ingame or here is also a good idea, and while I've yet to do it here, my previous experience with post-by-post forum roleplay has been very good, and would help with the pesky time management problem. And possibly foster stronger friendships/relationships doing it!

 

There are some, me included, who have their search info edited with 'walk up rp appreciated' and it helps finding me people who don't mind if I walk up to them and start yammering, usually.