GloryRhodes

Yes, Alienne, master of seduction. Say what you will, the answer is usually yes. Disclaimer: Technique not recommended for Lalafell.

Spahro does a lot of flailing, kicking, biting, scratching and screaming in the general direction of the throat. I was mostly inspired by pissed off cats and Jerry Springer. Alienne, who can actually fight, has an effective and simple style in five steps. 1: Get a really really heavy thing, like a six foot axe. 2: Swing it at someone you want to hit as hard as you can. 3: Check to see if they still have all their parts, and if they want to fight. 4: Repeat as necessary.

Alienne taught someone how to do this once. "Hey! Wanna see my tits?"

[align=center][/align] A new business venture ripe for investment has appeared in fine Ul'Dah, sponsoered by none other than Z'zhumii Umi, The Sex Queen of Ul'Dah herself. In a meeting with the press she announced her intention to open up a high end tavern in The Goblet. "It will be Sagolii desert themed, with all the creature comforts expected. Good desert cuisine, throw pillows and long sofas to lounge on," Umi said. Singers and dancers will also grace the halls of Le Chat de Sable. "Despite the theme of it, I chose to go with an Ishgardian name. It means The Sand Cat." Umi is currently looking for investors to assist her in purchasing the property. "Anyone willing to help front for the housing lot and house itself would be repaid in free food, drink and use of the bar for their own parties and events. They would be treated as VIPs, if you would." And it's not only investors she's looking for, either. "Le Chat de Sable will also rent rooms to staff, as well as working women of courtesan or lesser title. I like to make sure that my kind are taken care of, when so few care at all." "I do not wish to act as a pimp, just a land lady. Rent will just be rent instead of a cut of their profits, and they would be free to come and go as they pleased," Umi said. "Of course, if some are able to works as dancers and singers in the bar, they would receive the same wage as any other, and patrons are welcome to tip them." Le Chat Sable is not, however, a brothel. "Should patrons seek further entertainment, the only rule I'd have for the employees is to keep it discrete." Z'zhumii Umi can be found in the Quicksand most evenings, and those who are interested in backing the venture, or are interested in employment as a host, hostress, chef, bartender or entertainer are welcome to seek her out.

Sigh..... So dreamy...

A rather new song that can be hear sung throughout Thanalan and is beginning to range North. Oddly enough, The 7th Heaven in Revenant's Toll has banned the song specifically. The Busty Lass From Vesper Oh have you heard the men as they all cry Of the lass so tall and fair and shy With big blue eyes and big round eyes The busty lass from Vesper! I saw her walkin' to the pier And I thought I'd catch her ear After all what did I have to fear From the busty lass from Vesper! I said to her, "Can I have this dance?" But she didn't even give me a chance She just turned her head from my upturned lance That busty lass from Vesper! So I went on home to spend my time alone And offered up a prayer to my dear Halone To give me a vision while I rub my bone Of the busty lass from Vesper! Now I've been to Ishgard why the dragons fly And I've been to The Shroud with the Keepers spry But you've never seen such a pair of eyes As on that busty lass from Vesper! Out in Limsa where I drown my woes Back in Mor Dhona where they crystals grow Of that vision fair I just can't let go Yes that busty lass from Vesper! Never before has a Midlander Hit my heart like a sledgehammer I just won't be fine till I'm with her That busty lass from Vesper!

Upon walking into The Drowning Wench on a stormy night where the fisherman are in and the sailors have naught else to do, a traveler might be privy to one of Eorzea's most famous pirate shanties. The Bawdy Twelve Thaliak the Scholar Reads a lot of books Though he likes stick his staff Into cozy little nooks Nymeia the Spinner Spins a weave so fair Men have lived and died Just to touch her pubic hair Llymlaen, Navigatrix Mistress of the seas Always takes a little look When any sailor pees! Oschon the Wander He's sewn his seeds so far That any child he sees He just says, "Yes, you are." Bryergot the Builder Built the world's tallest house So that he looks outside He can see down every blouse! Rhalgr's the Destroyer So when he comes to town He never aims for what is nice He aims for what is brown! Halone is the Fury With a heart as cold as ice No she'll never leave her lover Unless she's done come twice Azeyma the Warden Looks on her Miqo clans It's true she's got peculiar tastes "What's wrong with just one man?" Nald-thal the Trader Made a wise and crafty deal "Listen my friend you cannot keep, but for a gil I'll let you feel!" Nophica the Matron The eternal farmer's daughter Knows just where is the softest hay And she'll run slow until you've caught 'er Althyk the Keeper Always keeps track of time And though he is an older man Some parts still work just fine! Menphina... MENPHINA!

Woohoo! Just five more years to Robots, Jet Packs and Coed Professional Sports!

Am I the only one who looks at the goggles and wrenches and everything on the Machinist and just assumes you'll be based out of the Garlond Ironworks?

OMFG you're Alienne?! I would use the words: Awesomely Dumb. "I don't want to say it was Aliennes, but it was Aliennes." (I regret nothing.) If you ever heard her backstory...

Spahro: Annoying Reporter Alienne: SO DUMB.

by Tonberry's Lantern Staff It is well known that here at The Lantern we publish many stories concerning the Sultansworn, and that they are often critical. A recent advertisement we accepted from Citizens Against Corruption might even suggest that we've taken a stance in direct opposition to the proud defenders of our beloved jewel, but this is a misconception. Whatever the personal opinions of the staff here might be, The Lantern is not opposed to the Sworn as an organization. We're not sure how anyone can be. The creed of the Sultansworn of Ul'Dah is the very definition of righteousness. The Paladins exist as an organization to protect the House of Ul, but they are more than that. They are the shining examples of justice and truth in a city so often taken to a vicious mercantile survivalism and outright deceit. Sworn are meant to be the incorruptible beacon of light in this city of darkness, but they have fallen. The most prominent of the Sultansworn at this time is Coatleque Crofte, a woman who we here at The Lantern have discussed at length, but whom few properly know. Her hard, unflappable exterior is the very definition of a Paladin. No matter the situation or struggle, she maintains a calm demeanor and fair hand. When confronted by a rebel in a refugee camp, she was assaulted with a chamber pot, but maintained her calm and dignity despite being covered in filth. She drew no weapon, and she made no threats, but even she is blanketed in the shadow of corruption. Her relationship with Jameson Taeros, a Monetarist noble has been much discussed in our offices, but no proof has been established. Why, then, do we doubt her? The answer lies with the other Sworn, those who are threatening to bring this proud organization to its knees. Ser Natalie McBeef, late of the Sultansworn of Ul'Dah, has been decisively linked to illegal activities in Limsa Lominsa, particularly the raid of a warehouse in Moraby where several members of The Maelstrom were engaged in battle. She lost her life in the raid, which is the only reason why Admiral Merlwyb Bloefhiswyn has not openly sought retribution against The Sworn for Ser McBeef's actions. Ser Crofte, having taken over Ser McBeef's duties, has come under The Admiral's scrutiny and could be first to walk the plank in Limsa should antagonism between The maelstrom and The Sworn continue. Trainee Romy Leonhardt, newly accepted for the trials, is one of the most outspoken and well known of the most recent batch of prospective knights, is also the most controversial. After recently regaining the ability to speak through aetheric surgeries, has made her voice heard in ways that shame the proud history of the Sworn. In an incident in The Quicksand, a pair of zombified Moon Keepers confronted her. Romy's response, rather than seek the help of fellow Sworn, or pass on the duty to the brass Blades, chose to cast off her Sworn armor and regail herself in black. She then painted her face in a death mask, a traditional right of her people, according to her, and engaged in a one woman quest of bloody vengeance for, and we quote, scaring her. Trainee Leonhardt is not a Sultansworn, and after that display we all hope she never will be. She conducts herself as if she is one, however, and wears their armor. The Lantern would like to make it a point that she has sworn no oaths and possesses no actual authority. She is not a member of any form of law enforcement and should not be obeyed unless in the presence of her trainer, Ser Shas Tarry. Trainee Aiden Church is another of this batch of most recent prospects, and has embarassed the Paladins through his actions on multiple occasions. Earlier in this article we mentioned that Ser Crofte was assaulted with feces and was unfazed. Trainee Church, meanwhile, heard Ser Crofte's name insulted and immediately flew into a rage, challenging the offender to a duel in front of a dozen witnesses. During the duel he once again lost his temper and drew raw steel in what was meant to be unarmed combat. When asked about this by Lantern reporters, Trainee Church told a story of Trainee Roysia Stone's threats against his life for interfering in a romantic entanglement. Is this what The Sworn have come to? Raucous children cast a dim light on the solemn dignity of the most noble post in Ul'Dah. Is it so hard to believe Ser Crofte capable of injustice when this is the state of the Sworn today? We here at the Lantern do not hate the Sworn, but we despise these pretenders to Knighthood.

Alienne needs to be painted on the side of somebody's van.

This is unpossible.

Coatleque Crofte, Sultansworn of Ul'Dah, has been a shining example of courage and dedication to the people of Ul'Dah in these trying times. Or has she? Multiple sources claim that she has been engaging in multiple lewd acts with multiple questionable partners while on duty. A recent interview with a source close to the subject has shed new light on Coatleque "Cleavage" Crofte. The watchdog group Citizens Against Corruption has made it their mission to insure that moral fortitude and ethical behavior are enforced throughout the law enforcement agencies of Eorzea. Though their tireless investigations they have found the stinking pile of filth that sullies the good name of the Sworn. Their investigation has found that Ser Crofte is possessed of twin vaginas, the better to service the gold leafed members of the Ul'Dahn elite. And beneath that armor reside five breasts with which she feeds her multitude of illegitimate children; children who still starve due to Crofte's terrible parenting skills. She has lost no less than seven children to neglect this moon alone, according to statistics obtained by CAC. So the next time you see her strutting her overused ass about like she owns the place avoid getting too close, for her smell is known to drive away even Goblins. Also, beware her stare, which can turn grown men into toads and stop the heart of elderly Lalafells. This Advertisement Paid for by Citizens Against Corruption.

Spahro is currently hiding out in disguise in Ul'Dah. She's trying to blend in. Yep. Fits right in.

Alienne smiled, "Oh, hey! Nice to meet ya, Otto. I uhh... Well, i mean, I don't actually avoid washing, I just kinda... Don't is all." E'sona's face brightened, "I think you smell wonderful." "Uhh, thanks." Alienne scratched her head, then nodded at the pair. "I don't actually live in the alley no more. Mr. V hired me to bust heads or somethin', so I live in his house now and... Hey, E'Sona, that's my butt." "Oh, sorry."

Alienne was having a hell of a time with the markets. "Hey, no. Listen, I ain't tryin' to buy no grapes. I'm tryin' to find an ape! Like a gorilla! The lady at the leve place told me about an escaped ape and I think he's hidin' 'round here. Okay?" "Six gil. Good Doman grapes. Never see like again. Best price! No silly businesses!" The lalafell put his hands on his hips and nodded. "You buy!" "No, I don't buy. How about bananas? Apes like bananas, right?" The man seemed aghast. "Ban what? You are call me after him? I spit on you! Babana Banana is cheat! He foul! He sell shite! 5 gil! I spit on you!" Alienne realized now that she was out of her depth. Ul'Dahn merchants were a crafty lot. She would have to find this ape through other means. "Sorry to bug you." "No bugs! Is fresh grapes!" She moved away from the gesticulating man's stall and made a hasty retreat. Ul'Dah was confusing. At least in Hawker's Alley the merchants just sometimes robbed you. Here they actually tried to sell you stuff you didn't want. She was so distraught by this encounter that she didn't see the Miqo'te until she stumbled into the poor girl. There was a solid clang as her head bounced off of Alienne's breastplate, followed by a string of curses. "Hey you over tall bitch, watch where you're going!" "Oh! Hey, sorry. You all right?" The Miqo'te was a fair haired and tan skinned girl of maybe twenty summers, and she was dressed in just enough fabric to store tips; obviously a dancing girl. She looked up at Alienne, and whatever foul insult was forming in her mouth died away at the sight of flowing emerald hair, bright sky blue eyes and a kind, concerned expression. The girl blushed, "Oh, no. It's okay. I'm E'sona." Alienne smiled, completely failing to pick up on some very obvious social cues. "You ain't seen an ape around here, have you?" "Hmm? No, sorry. I could help you look!" E'sona smiled, and Alienne looked around. They were standing on a dancing mat. Two other girls were frowning, their dance interrupted along with E'sona's when Alienne fumbled into their performance. Six spectators stared up at Alienne with expressions ranging from shock to marvel. Elezen were kind of rare in the desert. "Are you sure?" Alienne indicated the obviously ruined performance. "It looks like you were in the middle of something." E'sona shook her head quickly, "Nope! No problem!" She waved to her dancing partners, then wrapped her arms around one of Alienne's. This was as confusing as the merchants. Alienne sighed, then began walking down the street in the hope that the ape was posing as a street urchin. Several of the crowd followed. Thinking, perhaps, that the markets might not be the best place to find a gorilla on the run, she made her way towards the airship landing in case the creature might have been trying to flee the city. There she saw someone she recognized, and waved excitedly. "Gel! Hey Gel!" And when Evangeline turned to look there was Alienne, towering above the rest of the Ul'Dahn in her dented and stained mismatched armor, with a small harem following her and a dancing girl at her hip. "Hey Gel, you seen an ape?"

SE7AzfX6nQ8 Spahro.

I call this piece... The Face of Jealousy. Starring Spahro Llorn and Aya Foxheart

The Queen is Dead! by Spahro Llorn For years the Voidknight Citadel has loomed over the landscape of Outer La Noesca like a beacon of torment to the poor souls caught in its shadow. Once ruled over by the necromancer known only as Queen, adventurers have braved its cyclopean depths never to return. But now the danger has passed and the people of Outer La Noesca can once again sleep in peace thanks to the efforts of Arcadeus, a band of knights and other brave souls whose courage is matched only by their might at arms. Led by Sultansworn Anelia Sadowyn and Ser Inessa Hara, the party entered the dark citadel with only their wits and their blades to protect them. "Three years after the Calamity, the necromancer built a citadel and raised an undead army," Ser Hara said after the deed was done. Hara herself was there on the day that the Queen was defeated three years ago. "She was brought down off her Dragon by a stray arrow and was thought dead. I knew she was not dead. Her undead did not turn into ash even as she plummeted from the sky. I hoped she would stay in her citadel forever and never come out, but I could feel powerful dark magics welling up from deep within the Citadel." So the party ventured forth, entering the citadel through the sewers where they stumbled across the rotting, fetid corpses of adventurers who had come before. "I would dare say there were over a hundred corpses," Ser Hara said. "So much death was lathered over the citadel. We tried to save as many survivors as we could, but we could not save them all." The party fought hordes of undead and voidsent, tragically losing many of the adventurers they had come to save. Still, the undead might of the citadel was no match for the heroes until they were ambushed in the courtyard by the citadel's elite undead in glistening black armor. At the same time they were assaulted by an undead dragon, perhaps the selfsame dragon who had served as the Queen's mount years before. Ser Aaron Glacier, a knight in the group, took it upon himself to fight the leader of the elite guard. "Ser Glacier did prove his skills," Ser Sadowyn said of the man's brave, and nearly fatal duel. It was Ser Hara herself who slew the dragon. "If not for the scaled plating I was wearing I would have been bitten in half by the dragon," she said, her face unreadable behind a stoic mask. "As it flew off with me, it tossed me into the air for another bite. I managed to maneuver in mid air so drive my lance down and impale the dragon." The dragon crashed to the ground with such force that the courtyard gave way, collapsing to the catacombs below, trapping Ser Sadowyn alone in the bowels of the citadel. Bereft of one of their leaders, the brave group continued on, fighting through more undead and voidsent, and several powerful eldritch abominations. "I suspect The Queen was into some of the most deviant forms of her art, including Necromorphosis," Ser Hara said. This most foul form of necromancy involves fusing together the corpses of the recently slain to create nigh unstoppable abominations of flesh and bone. "We burned her notes to keep her research from being used by others with ill intent." "We eventually confronted her in the middle of a summoning," Ser Hara said. While her companions fought against the necromancer's minions, Ser Hara took it upon herself to dispatch The Queen. The battle was long and arduous, and much blood was spilled. "We were stretched to our physical limits," Ser Hara said. "With no options left, I destroyed some of the stonework around the edge of the wall, and we both fell down into the courtyard below. She was killed by the fall while I only suffered broken bones. As soon as she died most of her undead turned to ash and her voidsent, without a master to tether themselves to, were sent back into the void." The brave companions suffered no casualties during their mission, and eventually met up with Ser Sadowyn again on their exodus from the Voidknight Citadel. Lives were saved that day, and who knows how many more lives were spared the predations of the necromancer by these brave, powerful souls. "Fighting is not for everyone," Ser Hara said in a calm, but stern voice. "Some are born with an exceptional talent for battle. Some are born with a desire for it, and some are just forced into being fighters by circumstance. I am a knight. I did not go into battle for honor or glory. I went into battle to save others who would have died as a result of inaction."

Spahro slumped and frowned at the wall, holding the still dripping paint brush in her teeth. This was the most ambitious work she'd ever done, and she was having a hell of a hard time with it. No one was much using the house that McBeef had vacated with her death. Most of the people had left when she did, which allowed Spahro to have free reign of the walls in the unoccupied rooms. Iron was gone, Franz was gone, and had left some truly terrible cookies. Something had happened to Shadow, Koporo and Kage. Jana had wandered off, probably to do some more horrible grief driven murder, and G'Leo was... Well, he was G'Leo, so he was probably dry humping a cactus or something. That left just Spahro and her work, and work was coming along slowly, but surely. Red paint dripped down the wall, pooling at the edge where it met the floor. A crudely sketched drawing of Natalie McBeef was the source, and while the drawing itself was in charcoal, the big red X across her face might have been too dramatic. Paint was expensive. All across the wall were sketches, scribbled words in various colors and big, bold connecting lines. It was a mess, but it was her mess. She chewed on the paintbrush and began pacing back and forth, trying to make sense of the wall. "What I don't get," she muttered to herself, pointing an accusatory finger at the multicolored mess, "Is why in seven hells anyone would even want this much Garlean tech." She spat the brush out of her mouth and dropped down to the floor, thinking. Her first thought was that the floor was cold and she should have worn some clothes for this, but she didn't want to risk getting paint on them. Her second thought was that sitting in a dim, candlelit room, naked, staring at a conspiracy wall was probably not a good sign for her sanity. "I need a cake," she said flatly, and stood, stretching her sore arms. "You can wait." She left the room, leaving the writing on the wall to dry. ((I've actually been using this OOC, and I thought other people might want to see it as well.))

Spahro Llorn PUNCH! Spahro Llorn wins Valirelia Ferox dodge [1] Spahro won the duel. Valirelia Ferox no you don't Spahro Llorn No dodge I winned already hax Valirelia Ferox smirks as she begins to strike with more precision Spahro Llorn gets beat up real bad You stagger. [1] you have to see me first Valirelia Ferox has had enough of Spahro's disengenous assertions Spahro Llorn this isn't even my true form “THM (1)” equipped. You change to thaumaturge. Spahro Llorn BIKINI WIZARD Valirelia Ferox is unimpressed Spahro Llorn WILL WIN! Spahro Llorn casts bikini meteo Valirelia Ferox keep up that attitude, it'll make it harder to accept defeat You stagger before Valirelia Ferox. Spahro Llorn ACTIVATES FINAL FORM! Valirelia Ferox AWWW SHIT “Business Casual” equipped. You change to monk. Spahro Llorn asts SPURIOUS ACUSATIONS! [1] "You're a trollop!" [1] I am not. [1] lies [1] I am a Limsan national Treasure Spahro Llorn casts POWER OF THE PRESS! You smirk confidently at Valirelia Ferox. [1] "Not according to... THE PAPERS!" [1] AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT Spahro Llorn casts TIME FOR THAT [1] And now, for the final, devestating secret attack passed down through generations of dubious journalists. [1] No! You can't break the seal on that technique! Spahro Llorn casts.... CUT THE MIC! [1] Valirelia is defeated. Once again I control the narrative. Valirelia Ferox casts APATHY Spahro Llorn it's not very effective Valirelia Ferox its not like I care or anything Spahro Llorn apparently a tie or whatever Valirelia Ferox sips her whiskey and lets bygones be bygones Spahro Llorn word Valirelia Ferox grabs Spahro when she isn't looking and tosses her off the ledge in the Goblet Spahro Llorn dies a martyr Valirelia Ferox not on my watch

Dear Phoenix, I bought this rag hoping for a laugh, but it made me cry. How do I get my money back from Ul'Dah's worst newspaper? Sincerely, Not A Writer For Tonberry's Lantern

by Spahro Llorn [align=center]https://33.media.tumblr.com/ce15c9cb3c0cddc2e1429a167dd6480c/tumblr_ndvkwgvcMn1qjd5d2o1_500.png[/img][/align] The Jewel of the desert is known far and wide as a palace of pleasures glorious to behold. The finest spices covered every succulent morsel of food, and only the finest of wines grace the tables of the Ul’Dahn elites. But it is, perhaps, not these pleasures which first come to mind when the glistening spires of Ul’Dah grace one’s vision. No, for many it is the sun kissed skin of the dancing girl or the painted lips and welcoming smile that waits in shadowed doorways promising pleasures beyond compare. The women of negotiable affection are as much a part of Ul’Dah as the Brass Blades or the sands themselves, and their Queen is Z’zhumii Umi. “What sets me apart from lesser sex workers is that I’m not always hired for intimate reasons,” she says, smiling. She sits in a plain chair in The Quicksand, her eyes painted the golden color of her patron goddess. The dark skinned and fair haired Sun Seeker speaks with a cultured, but somehow exotic accent, mixing her tribal origins and city life together into a sound both foreign and familiar at once. “Because I am a learned woman, able to read, write and more, I am often hired to be an ear to listen to and a sound mind to council. Some of the members of Ul’Dah’s government come to me for advice or an opinion on matter private.” She refuses to name names, only smiling coyly. “I will say that I do have a special client that I have bent my rule of no Lalafel clientele for. I was hired by his children because they were not able to deal with his aging mind. He cannot remember things sometimes. Others he makes memories or, or just gets confused. His children hired me to do what they could not; keep him company. I do not deny him his false memories, but talk with him. I go along with it. He sometimes puts me in his memories, though I am much too young to have been anywhere in his youth.” Umi is not a woman of ill repute. No, her reputation is of the highest standard. “My official title,” she says, “is Courtesan Onesta. It means I am exceptionally high class in societal rankings. Now, the word courtesan means any things to many people. It is often appropriated to... Well, in most cases, girls just take the word without knowing the proper usage. Some try to use it in an attempt to raise up in the ranks, so to speak, but that is a rarity. There is a long list of skills I’ve had to acquire in order to get where I am.” The is no understatement. Along with her more physical talents, Umi is a trained songstress and can dance in a courtly ballroom or, as she puts it, “More private venues.” “Speech was another thing I was tutored on,” she says. “I used to run my Rs. A common thing in my former tribe.” Now, she is not only an entertainer or confidant, but an able bodied bed companion as well. “I am my client’s pretend ideal wife, in a way.” And how would one go about hiring her? her answer is delivered in a friendly, professional tone with just the hint of an upwards curl at the side of her lips, like she’s sharing a secret. “I charge one hundred and fifty thousand gil a night. When I am contacted, either by messenger or in person, I do a check on the potential client. I have contacts within Ul’Dah’s banks, so I can call upon them to ask about him; his standing in society, his yearly income and the like. I like to make sure I am not bankrupting someone, or getting into bed, figuratively and literally, with an unsavory character. If he is in good standing, can truly afford my company, and has no record of harassing or harming women in my profession, I reply and we set up a date.” “if I am being hired as a date for an event, I tend to be escorted to the ball, party or even, on occasion, the royal court, as a bit of eye candy. I’ll chatter and charm and mingle, trying to entertain my client as well as impress those around him. Afterwards, if agreed upon, I will either go to their private apartments or return to my own for a more private setting. There, I will serve drinks, wine or tea is the usual, small confections of a sugary sort, and talk. After, sometimes a bath is involved. Sometimes a bed.” “I try to have at least one engagement a night, and occasionally I take one or two nights off. Sadly, my schedule of late has become lacking.” It is at this point that her eyes darken and become downcast. She looks into her cup, breaking eye contact for the first time. “”The political state of the city has many of my clients too busy, bankrupt or worse. The riots and unease ripples through to effect even those a good distance from it all.” Then, like the rising sun, her smile returns, brightening up the table. “I do have a little side project thanks to my recent downtime. I’ve registered a linkpearl line in hopes of creating a sort of coalition for other women who use the title courtesan; even those appropriating it. With the decline in upscale customers, it is harder to properly check the backgrounds of new clients. I do not wish any woman to end up at the back of someone’s hand or the point of their sword. It’s meant to be a union to keep each other safe, as well as perhaps a teaching tool for those of less stature.” It is there the conversation ends, and she graciously excuses herself from the table. The eyes of The Quicksand watch the sway of her tail as she leaves, and many linger on the door long after she is gone. Z’zhumii Umi has that effect on people. She is, after all, The Sex Queen of Ul’Dah.