Jump to content
RPC Shutdown Notice - Live until September 2022

Bad Jokes

Reiner Dorn

By Reiner Dorn,
in Off-Topic Discussion

Recommended Posts

Dogberry

Dogberry

Posted
Posted

A horse walks into a bar.

 

It is confused and terrified, as it is a horse. The bartender and several patrons try to help the horse out of the bar. It knocks over several tables on the way out and trots off into the city street, causing an accident as a car brakes abruptly to avoid hitting it and gets rear-ended. The patrons of the bar call the police and animal control services as there is a horse loose in the city and a traffic accident has just occurred.

1
Link to comment
Brynhilde

Brynhilde

Posted
Posted

A horse walks into a bar.

 

It is confused and terrified, as it is a horse. The bartender and several patrons try to help the horse out of the bar. It knocks over several tables on the way out and trots off into the city street, causing an accident as a car brakes abruptly to avoid hitting it and gets rear-ended. The patrons of the bar call the police and animal control services as there is a horse loose in the city and a traffic accident has just occurred.

 

Three blind mice walk into a bar but they are generally unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

1
Link to comment
Aduu Avagnar

Aduu Avagnar

Posted
Posted

Three Blondes walk into a bar

 

You would have thought one of them would have seen it!

 

 

 

 

A man walks into a bar, a rather nice one with peanuts on the counter and a fruitmachine in the corner, and orders a drink, whilst the barman pours it out, he hears some voices commenting on his clothes. 'You look nice, meeting a pretty lass?' looking around he see's no one else at the bar, and believes himself to be hearing things. When he gets the drink he goes to the fruit machine, and looses several pounds without getting anything in return. Again he hears a voice, but this time it's calling him names 'Your a dumb one, aintcha. Really thought you'd strike it rich? don't make me laugh.' And again, he looks about, and doesn't see anyone.

 

He wonders over to the barman, leans over and asks 'say, I think I'm going mad, first I heard voices saying I looked nice, and then I heard ones insulting me...' The barman looks at him, and nods, responding....

 

 

....'It's not you, it's just the peanuts are complimentary, and the Fruit Machines out of order.'

 

Link to comment
Dogberry

Dogberry

Posted
Posted

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office and the doctor says "What seems to be the problem?"

 

The moth begins. "Problems? Doctor, I've got a lot of problems. I go to work everyday for Gregory Illinivich, and I work all day long. Quite frankly, I don't even know what I do there anymore. I don't even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows he has power over me, and this seems to make him happy. But I don't know. I wake up every morning in a malaise, walking aimlessly from this place to that. At night I wake up and look over at... some old lady on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don't know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexandria, she fell in the winter of last year. The cold took her down, doc, as it did many of us. And my other child... Greggarro Iliyavanonatovich, my son and heir... this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My boy... I don't love him. Not as I used to. It pains me to say it, but I look in his eyes, and I see a glimpse of the same cowardice I only see when... well, when I look at myself in the mirror. I feel like a spider, even though I am a moth, just hanging on to a web with an everlasting fire under me. I am not feeling well, doctor.

 

The doctor is taken aback. He says "Man, moth, I am sorry to hear all of this, truly. You should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why are you in a podiatrist's office?"

 

The moth says "Because the light was on."

1
Link to comment
Brynhilde

Brynhilde

Posted
Posted

Did you know that if you took every book off the shelf in an average-sized book shop and lined them all up side-by-side, you'd get thrown out by security.

 

Did you know that if you ripped every page out of an average paperback and laid them side-by-side, you'd be a monster. Stop ruining the books.

Link to comment
Cliodhna Eoghan

Cliodhna Eoghan

Posted
Posted

ohh man....ive heard my fair share of blonde jokes over the years but i've laughed along since i like to think i've got some sort of brain....but this could be one of the reasons why i keep dying my hair red xD

 

a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?

 

the brunette. the blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

 

 

what do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?

 

artificial intelligence.

 

 

what's a group of blondes in a circle called?

 

a dope ring

 

 

what do you call a dead blonde in a closet?

 

last year's hide and seek winner

 

 

what do you call a blonde in the snow?

 

a frosted flake

 

 

what do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

 

pull the pin and throw it back.

 

 

(and one of my favorites....cause florida)

two blondes living in oklahoma are sitting on a bench talking, then one asks, "which do you think is farther away, florida or the moon?"

 

the other blonde says, "that's a dumb question, can you see florida?"

Link to comment
Gegenji

Gegenji

Posted
Posted

Here's a couple of super-nerdy ones:

 

There are 10 type of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't.

 

~*~

 

A rope walks into a bar and tries to order a drink. Bartender looks at him and says "Hey, we don't serve ropes here. Get out!" Not wanting to start a fuss, but wanting that drink, the rope ducks around a corner. After mussing up his hair, he twists himself up a bit before approaching the bar again. Bartender looks at him and says "Hey, aren't you that rope I told off a second ago?" Rope replies: "No, I'm a frayed knot."

 

~*~

 

ohh man....ive heard my fair share of blonde jokes over the years but i've laughed along since i like to think i've got some sort of brain....but this could be one of the reasons why i keep dying my hair red xD

 

How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

 

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are on a road trip when their car breaks down in the middle of a desert. They agree that, to survive, they'll have to gather supplies. They split up and return a few hours later with their findings. The brunette says she's found a body of water, so they won't be thirsty. The redhead found some scraggly bushes with berries they can eat. The blond brings the car door, so they can roll down the window when they get hot.

 

~*~

 

A man comes home to show off his new fiancee to his mother. She has a twin sister, so he decides to spice the event up by making it a game. He presents the two of them to her - both dressed in the same clothes with the same makeup and their hair in the same style. He turns to his mother and tells her that he's engaged to one of them, and asks her to guess which one. The mother looks over the two for but an instant before correctly choosing the right one.

 

When her son asks how she knew, the mother responds: "I don't like her."

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...