Kuzhuk

If your RP (or ambiguous not quite in or out of character chatter in your friend's case) is disruptive to the tone and flow of what other people are doing they will generally ignore you. This is true whether what you're writing is "too light" by their estimation or just in a different genre or predicated on a different understanding of game lore. It's just something you have to get used to dealing with. In fact, generally speaking more people are going to avoid or ignore you than will actually engage substantively when it comes to public RP. There is a lot of diversity out there and thus a great deal of incompatibility. You just kind of have to get used to putting yourself out there and often not getting what you want. Public RP is a lot like dipping a pan in a river to skim for gold. And the higher your standards/more specific your tastes are, the more skimming you're going to have to do.

IMO there are definitely fewer straight RPers these days than LGBT RPers, and that's probably not going to change so if you're having problems finding what you're looking for you're going to need to learn how to adapt. My wife and I both play straight(ish) characters of our own gender IRL and we talk about our experiences in RP circles often, so here's my take on how to stand out from the crowd and attain success in writing sex and/or romance with straight characters (most of which probably also applies to LGBT folks): 1) Be passionate about your character, but not defensive. It's OK to love your character, but don't be in love with your character. If you have a tendency to view your character as the protagonist in their encounters with other people you will be unable to objectively see your character's behavior for what it is. Unfortunately, your view of whether or not your character is blameless will infect your RP, people will notice if you're 'too close to your character' and avoid you. This is also a great reason not to play self-inserts. 2) Don't be slimy OOC. This kinda goes without saying. Most people are only looking for RP, not anything more. Just assume everyone has a very simple set of boundaries that precludes all OOC flirting and excessive discussion of investment in the ship unless you learn otherwise. 3) Try to avoid falling into sitcom gender tropes. The cultural script on how straight men and women interact IRL is probably not something other writers are looking to recreate in a fantasy world. Same goes for whatever people are spewing in shout chat these days. Remember that the fundamental core of any romantic connection is genuine conversation between nuanced, layered people. Most writers don't want their character to be seen as any trope, even 'strong woman.' There's nothing more validating to another writer than having your character understood and appreciated for who they are. 4) Sending someone a tell to let them know their character is attractive is a poor way to seek RP. Every relationship, sexual, or romantic RP I've been involved in stemmed out of plot interactions, public RP, or event RP. Being indirect doesn't work. I'm not even sure that personal ads work. Organizational overhead is really significant. The best way to find other RPers is to get yourself out there and project your character's personality to the world. Shyness is the enemy. 5) Don't be afraid to try new things. There's more to vary than just gender and orientation; try playing someone who has a different outlook on life than you! Too many people RP characters that have an act copy of their personal beliefs on religion, morality, spirituality, politics, etc. TLDR: distance yourself from your character, try new things, put yourself out there. And don't be afraid to solicit feedback from other people. There's a lot of diversity out there, even among straight people. Being willing to do different things may help you find it.

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I can talk until I'm blue in the face about my criteria of what I will and won't accept, but at the end of the day it ultimately comes down to how things feel to me. I'm seeking to preserve consistency and believability within the scope of the game ultimately and that's a feel thing, not a fact thing. I know that isn't the best way to do things from a social point of view. It's intensely personal... But roleplaying IS intensely personal. Trying to come up with a communicable, universal set of standards is probably always going to fail because people value different things and are going for different tones.

Unukalhai seems to be an exception to this rule. Some of his quest dialogue implies he isn't dead. He mentions protecting himself with magic before Elidibus came to save him... but that could just mean he kept himself from turning Voidsent, and still had to die. So shrug. I wonder if maybe the WoD didn't have to die, but whatever the Ascians did to them essentially required their death so that they could be made invincible to be worthy adversaries for the WoL. You also have to figure, if they traveled in spirit and their bodies remained like the Ascians, there's a damn good chance people would've killed their bodies while they were gone... I don't know, this stuff is really not super well defined. We have a lot of shard travelers in the Source that haven't even been mentioned yet. Midgardsomr, for instance.

I completely misunderstood with you said; I'm sorry about that. I'll go ahead and edit out my post, because I understand how that might be upsetting for you to read.

Oh yeah, just because the community is so large that there's very little accountability doesn't mean you shouldn't treat others well, but people who have anxiety aren't generally the sorts who are abusing others, they're the people who are deathly afraid of making a mistake and having people jump down their throats. But the point is -- no one is going to jump down your throat. In RPing communities you are accountable to you, and no one else. The fact that the community is so large and it's so easy to make a new character, etc. means you shouldn't be deathly afraid of making a mistake. Even people who deserve to be ostracized and punished for their behavior aren't. Keep your expectations reasonable, be ready to be bored and bore others, and realize that RPing is low stakes.

In my experience, the only way to beat anxiety (of all kinds) is to face that which makes you anxious. The condition is a monster that will only grow the more you cower from it, because it's based on an irrational fear that cannot survive being exposed to the truth. A therapist will talk to you about what triggers your anxiety and give you tools to deal with that fear so you can stop hiding from things that may trigger you. Beating anxiety means not letting it control you. You can get yourself halfway there by internalizing a few truths about roleplay: 1) The stakes are low. The RP community is huge, so unless you're actively going around harming other people intentionally and maliciously you won't be remembered for your mistakes a week from now. Even some people who spread harm manage to get away with it. You -- a normal, well meaning person -- are gonna be fine even if you mess up. Imagine the worst way you can screw up and the worst thing that can possibly happen as a result. That's not that bad, is it? And it isn't even going to happen. Anxiety is based on irrational fear. 2) No one group of people really matters: there are always others. Because again, the community is big. You don't have just one chance, you have thousands of them. The community is more disparate and unconnected than you can possibly imagine. 3) Roleplay is hard and everyone fails sometimes. So you didn't make any connections tonight. That's okay. That happens to everyone. People are looking for such different things, and there are hidden demographic trends happening behind the scenes you can't see. Different sorts of people come to different events. That's just the way things are. 4) There's someone for everyone out there, but not everyone for someone. Someone is going to dislike what you're doing no matter what it is. We all have tastes. Sexual orientation, age, gender, and even political ideas inform what we enjoy. If someone doesn't like what you're doing, that's not a reflection on you. I very much dislike conditional tense RP, but there are a ton of people who do it. There's someone for everyone. TLDR: the worst that can happen isn't that bad. You're playing up your fears in your head, and you're catastrophizing what is at best an inconvenience. You have to actively push back against your fears and use reasoning and willpower to overcome them. Start by helping yourself by making it easier for you to succeed. When going to events with chat scroll do the following: rework your UI to make your chatbox larger, turn off standard emotes in your chat channel (so that you only see /em stuff), don't be afraid to blacklist people you're sure you aren't going to interact with temporarily, and be ready to pay attention. Eat beforehand, drink plenty of water, be you at your best. You can do this. It only seems hard because of the anxiety, which again, is not rational. You are the only one who can overcome your anxiety. If it was easy, you wouldn't ever be anxious.

I'm not sure the question of "is it harder to get RP on men" is the right one. Your observations may be right, but even if they are: what good does that do you? You aren't going to change the community through observing the ways in which it's unfair, which are undoubtedly far more numerous than this. I've seen a lot of people try to criticize the way RPing Societies have shaped up over the years, and none of them made any headway despite the numerous flaws. In the end, it just isn't productive; it only succeeds in making the community defensive. Any advice I could give you would probably be condescending, so I just won't. You'll figure this out. Learning to live with imperfection is something you have to do even in this fantasy world.

F O R T U N E ' S F A V O R E D Overview Fortune's Favor is a roleplaying focused FC on the Mateus Server with a long history. We've been around under one name or another for almost 2 years at this point. Every six to twelve months we reinvent ourselves when our concept grows stale. Fortune's Favored is the latest iteration, focused on adventuring, trading, and battling for fame and (of course) fortune. When not roleplaying, we run roulettes together, offer company buffs, and all manner of events.  A Diverse Set of Activities Characters in the FC are focused on any of a number of endeavors under one big umbrella company. We have a militia, we're owned by a priestess who owns (and operates biweekly for the public) a kami shrine, some hunt Voidsent, others still are interested in Allagan treasure. There's a lot going on that can accomodate all kinds of personalities, RP styles, and interests. Roleplaying Style We consider ourselves to be heavy RP with a focus on realism and consequences. We are lore-abiding without being overly strict, with an emphasis on plausibility. No Fantasia RP, sorry! Overarching plots and events are planned and executed by many different people within the FC. We are not top-down; one of our major objectives with recent changes we made was to give members more ownership over their own plots and the freedom to execute them. Stability The lot of us have been RPing together for a good long while. We're not going anywhere. If you're looking to join a group with a distinct culture that's going to last the test of time, we're the FC for you. Games and Social Events A lot of our RP is focused on just spending time together as a group and experiencing various seasonal activities. We've made our own version of Cards Against Humanity that works in the FFXIV universe. We've also got this little game that the FC leads put together: http://www.rptoolbox.com/levemetes/ Joining Everything is handled via our discord channel here. You can read our rules there. Once you have, retrieve the application, fill it out, and PM it to one of the FC leads. Thank you for reading and considering us!

The tool has been updated and has a new URL: http://www.rptoolbox.com/ Grammarly is a browser extension that will work with any browser-based tool like this.

The other tool is still around, its name just got changed and I forgot to post that update. It's at www.rptoolbox.com now. Having said that, I really like this one a lot. I'd argue it's better in a lot of ways. Rptoolbox got an update at the same time, so feel free to check it out.

You're definitely not the only person who has noticed this. My (IRL) wife has talked to me about it before in her experiences of RPing on Mateus, Balmung, and even other games. I can't say why there's a relative lack of straight male characters compared to other orientations and genders (that question would require a lot of study and resources to answer), but I agree that's the way it is. Doesn't mean there's no straight male characters, and I don't think it has anything to do with harassment, etc. I bet it's just a personal preference; not enough people want to play them for some reason. In FFXIV it might have something to do with how underwhelming a lot of them look. Au Ra hips make me cringe, highlanders don't have eye brows and some of them look like total goons, midlanders come off as far too young, no races have that many beard options, etc. For what it's worth, I'm a relatively straight guy that pretty much only plays straight male characters, so we do exist.

Are you looking for goal-oriented heavy RP? Do you like your writing to be directed at character development and establishing relationships of all kinds? Roleplay very frequently and looking for other people who do too? Take a look at the Aureate Ward! We're a company full of ambitious, diverse people looking to advance their interests, make connections, and quick gil. Most of our RP revolves around tricky trade negotiations, dangerous adventures, and shady dealings and the repercussions of all of the above! We offer internal RP, events for the public, and stability. We've been active on Mateus for 8 months now and we aren't going anywhere. You can find our website here: http://www.rptoolbox.site/awrp/ And our Discord here: https://discord.gg/qDBfQC2 Do you have any questions our information section on Discord and themes tab on the Web didn't answer? Ask us! Pop in and say *hellur* in our general chat. We also handle applications through Discord, so check us out!

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