The How To Help Newbie RPers In Making Connections Forum

[Berrod Armstrong]

I'm relieved that you finally got what you wanted. It's one solution out of many listed on this thread, of course. It really sucks when the character of a new roleplayer isn't acknowledged or is outright rejected. I for one do what I can to make them feel welcome -- though, they gotta step up to the welcome mat at least, first.

[ArmachiA]

A hook in a introduction thread isn't quuiiitee the same as jumping into an open rp thread on the IC board, neither is the bulliten board, but it's cool you were trying to back me into a corner there.

[ArmachiA]

I'm relieved that you finally got what you wanted. It's one solution out of many listed on this thread, of course. It really sucks when the character of a new roleplayer isn't acknowledged or is outright rejected. I for one do what I can to make them feel welcome -- though, they gotta step up to the welcome mat at least, first.

 

My worry is mostly for those who do step up, I obviously beleive one SHOULD step up. You gotta do the work, obviously. It's the ones who do step up and nothing comes of it where I want to give them a solution to try one last thing that would definitely get the character noticed and couldn't really think of anything.

[Warren Castille]

A hook in a introduction thread isn't quuiiitee the same as jumping into an open rp thread on the IC board, neither is the bulliten board, but it's cool you were trying to back me into a corner there.

 

I referenced writing my own stand-alone thread. Berrod mentioned the bulletin board. What is it you were wanting exactly? Did it take a specific link to the Town Square itself to appease you? We talked about the only places IN that subforum.

 

It's cool, though.

[Aya]

A hook in a introduction thread isn't quuiiitee the same as jumping into an open rp thread on the IC board, neither is the bulliten board, but it's cool you were trying to back me into a corner there.

It is definitely a good way to broach interaction!  As I mentioned its how I met C'kayah, whose been essential to the development of Aya as a character.  Its also how I met Natalie and Kage, which opened a lot of doors. Any way that you can get yourself involved in social interaction is good.

 

Writing non-social stories can also be helpful. I haven't met nearly as many people through them, but it does on rare occasion generate PMs and meeting someone new. I think if my stories were directed in ways that were more intractable (as I suspect Osric's were, since they were more in sync with ongoing plot development) they would generate more active interest from other players, and that's probably a good way to meet people!

[ArmachiA]

A hook in a introduction thread isn't quuiiitee the same as jumping into an open rp thread on the IC board, neither is the bulliten board, but it's cool you were trying to back me into a corner there.

It is definitely a good way to broach interaction!  As I mentioned its how I met C'kayah, whose been essential to the development of Aya as a character.  Its also how I met Natalie and Kage, which opened a lot of doors.

 

Right. I think it's a good idea, that the IC section be utilized more often and is probably something not a lot of people even think about as a way to get characters out there. It will really help.

[Melkire]

...I feel like I should clarify.

 

I didn't write up a short "so-and-so character walks into this tavern and sits down, looking shyly about" thread and post that in the In-Character section with an [OPEN] tag. That's not what got me replies.

 

I sat down and wrote what I thought and hoped was an interesting story, fully expecting to be ignored. I was just having fun. I made a few references to something I'd spotted while standing around being a loner in-game, and included a little disclaimer about how I was only recording what my character had seen, as he saw it, and if anyone wanted me to make changes I'd be perfectly happy to do so. I was not writing a hook to wait around and see if anyone was going to drag me into their RP (EDIT: even though that's what I wanted). I sat down and wrote a story because I enjoyed it, because I wanted others to get to know my character, and because, yes, I was hoping someone would notice me... but I wasn't counting on it.

 

I highly doubt anyone is going to get the sort of fulfilling roleplay they want out of doing on the Town Square board exactly what they do in-game, i.e. sitting around and waiting for someone to approach you. Your chances of being approached for RP are about the same, the only difference is that you're not being drowned out in the noise of Quicksand chat spam.

[Berrod Armstrong]

I'm relieved that you finally got what you wanted. It's one solution out of many listed on this thread, of course. It really sucks when the character of a new roleplayer isn't acknowledged or is outright rejected. I for one do what I can to make them feel welcome -- though, they gotta step up to the welcome mat at least, first.

 

My worry is mostly for those who do step up, I obviously beleive one SHOULD step up. You gotta do the work, obviously. It's the ones who do step up and nothing comes of it where I want to give them a solution to try one last thing that would definitely get the character noticed and couldn't really think of anything.

That I can understand completely! It's where the persistence comes in, really.

 

/IMAGINES SOMEONE STOMPING ON WELCOME MAT AND BANGING ON THE DOOR

 

...well. Methods may vary. But, that's how this thread was born, in a sense, which makes this forum a great avenue for 'that one last thing'.

 

...this thread is that one last thing.

 

Whoa.

 

that's so zen holy shit

[ArmachiA]

...I feel like I should clarify.

 

I didn't write up a short "so-and-so character walks into this tavern and sits down, looking shyly about" thread and post that in the In-Character section with an [OPEN] tag and got replies.

 

I sat down and wrote what I thought and hoped was an interesting story, fully expecting to be ignored. I was just having fun. I made a few references to something I'd spotted while standing around being a loner in-game, and included a little disclaimer about how I was only recording what my character had seen, as he saw it, and if anyone wanted me to make changes I'd be perfectly happy to do so. I was not writing a hook to wait around and see if anyone was going to drag me into their RP. I sat down and wrote a story because I enjoyed it, because I wanted others to get to know my character, and because, yes, I was hoping someone would notice me... but I wasn't counting on it.

 

I highly doubt anyone is going to get the sort of fulfilling roleplay they want out of doing on the Town Square board exactly what they do in-game. Your chances of being approached for RP are about the same, the only difference is that you're not being drowned out in the noise of Quicksand chat spam.

 

No, I understand. I just think utilizing the IC section of the forums is a good idea as a whole. Jumping into already made IC threads or posting stories. It's a good idea to really get your character out there.

[Aya]

I sat down and wrote what I thought and hoped was an interesting story, fully expecting to be ignored. I was just having fun.

This is what I do story-wise as well Osric, though I'm pleased to have at least a couple of people I know will read them now :-]

 

I'm not new but I wish that mine would generate more interaction too!

[Warren Castille]

I sat down and wrote what I thought and hoped was an interesting story, fully expecting to be ignored. I was just having fun.

This is what I do story-wise as well Osric, though I'm pleased to have at least a couple of people I know will read them now :-]

 

I'm not new but I wish that mine would generate more interaction too!

 

That is also what I was alluding to, having gotten my start doing the exact same thing.

[Coatleque]

I'm going to tell a little story as an example here...

 

---

One day I was at the grocery store. While walking down the cereal aisle, I noticed a young gentleman pursuing the selection of cereals along the side. I stopped to watch for a moment as he quietly murmured to himself about the nutritional content. The price per pound. Even the order of placement upon the shelves according to brand name versus genre of product.

 

After about thirty seconds, I selected what I wanted and walked past him, continuing on my way. Neither of us said hello, nor did we hold a dialogue because there was no reason to. We were both there for our own reasons and said reasons required no interaction of a 2nd or 3rd party.

---

 

Does this sound at all familiar? It should. I see it almost nightly in the Quicksand. I walk in and stand along the railing just to see if anything is going on. Coatleque likes to listen for news or rumors that may pertain to things she is investigating. That is her job after all.

 

Then I see someone sitting alone at a table emote how they are cleaning their glasses and reading a book. Or how they pour themselves the fourth drink of the night. I look at it and go "Hmm, that is interesting." then continue on my way.

 

The point being that while reading such an attempt at drawing attention is good for room filler, Coatleque as a person has no reason at all to suddenly walk up and engage them. Truth be told, neither would anyone else! How often in real life do we go up to a complete stranger in Starbucks who is reading a book and just start rambling about ourselves?!

 

If you do not give people a reason to engage - a line that sticks out or a question that needs answering - you are going to have a hard time finding people who will respond.

[Melkire]

Walk over to someone in a drunken stupor or a full-blown rage and sock 'em in the jaw with a well-thrown punch or an open-handed slap.

 

That always works.

 

Just be sure to poke them OoCly with a /tell to ask permission first, in case they're assholes who won't roll with it.

[Berrod Armstrong]

Walk over to someone in a drunken stupor or a full-blown rage and sock 'em in the jaw with a well-thrown punch or an open-handed slap.

 

That always works.

*looks lovingly at Val*

 

I've actually done this lol. I've also actually had Berrod LEER at Coatleque outside the Quicksand, which developed into an awkward 'Oh god it's so awkward talking to her after ripping her clothes off with my eyes, what do I even say, may I flee now?' reaction to her.

 

The dynamic that grew based on short, awkward conversations is one I immensely enjoy, and I know if for any reason I want to RP something more intensive with her, all I need to do is send a PM and ask. 

 

All that from actively leering!

[Unnamed Mercenary]

Walk over to someone in a drunken stupor or a full-blown rage and sock 'em in the jaw with a well-thrown punch or an open-handed slap.

 

That always works.

 

Just be sure to poke them OoCly with a /tell to ask permission first, in case they're assholes who won't roll with it.

 

It's super-effective! Proof. The thread has a bunch of other things in it now, but at its original creation, it was a barfight. In a forum. And Mcbeef called him 'porkchop' and that was simply too much to handle.

[Dravus]

I feel as though there's some major misunderstanding going on in this thread, especially since many of the role-players outlining their concerns at how frigid certain elements of the community can be are far from new or unaware at how to effectively find role-play.

 

Even when it comes to role-players who are genuinely new it's not always their fault when they give up after repeated failed attempts to find what they're looking for.

 

Experiences can differ significantly too so the people with a healthy pool of contacts to draw from across the board or who are repeatedly praised and fawned over in 'ur charz crushes' type threads aren't likely to understand how difficult it is for people to break into the community that exists outside of one's Free Company.

[Melkire]

Even when it comes to role-players who are genuinely new it's not always their fault when they give up after repeated failed attempts to find what they're looking for.

 

No one said it was. Fault isn't the topic here. Assigning blame isn't, either.

 

Identification of what, exactly, folks are having trouble with, and how those of us who are available to help can help them is ideally what's up for discussion. Communication here isn't a two-way street, it's a town square with folks standing around all over the place.

 

I'd love to hear more from newer members of the community and members who aren't new but are still trying to break through. What I'd like to hear more of is:

 

1. What they've tried.

2. What they haven't tried.

3. What they think might help them.

4. What they think isn't helping them.

 

I'm also fully aware that many of us get side-tracked onto conversations and lose the ball when people are posting the above. Going to go looking back through this thread for anyone who mentioned they were having trouble and yet didn't get addressed.

 

 

EDIT: A small note, wailing about how difficult it is to break out into the community at large doesn't help anyone. We know it's difficult. This isn't anything against you, Graeham, I'm just pointing out that "this is so hard" is a common complaint I see, but it's not really anything someone can build off of or help with.

[Dravus]

No one said it was. Fault isn't the topic here. Assigning blame isn't, either.

 

Identification of what, exactly, folks are having trouble with, and how those of us who are available to help can help them is ideally what's up for discussion. Communication here isn't a two-way street, it's a town square with folks standing around all over the place.

 

I'd love to hear more from newer members of the community and members who aren't new but are still trying to break through. What I'd like to hear more of is:

 

1. What they've tried.

2. What they haven't tried.

3. What they think might help them.

4. What they think isn't helping them.

 

I've been playing FFXIV on and off since the game's relaunch, personally. Yet despite multiple attempts to get involved with more than just brief meetings in the Quicksand it was only when I stumbled across my current FC that I actually felt welcome.

 

Now, I'm not new to role-play by any means. I've led events and role-playing guilds back when I devoted my MMO time to WoW. I've got a pretty big load of ideas for planned events and the like yet any attempt to break into the community outside of my FC often falls flat.

 

People say they're open to being approached in-game or that they're happy to join a particularly intriguing fresh LS and yet when push comes to shove they don't deliver on that promise. It's understandable if they're busy or swamped with other matters but if so maybe they shouldn't be giving people false hope by saying 'sure, I'll get involved' and then not doing anything.

 

As you can no doubt imagine it becomes even more frustrating when those same individuals then come to this very thread and feign innocence or deflect blame by making it seem like those putting in genuine effort need to do more to get involved.

 

It's a dangerous, vicious cycle and I for one will be doing what I can to try to end it. Though for that to happen we need acknowledgement and humility from those responsible.

[Berrod Armstrong]

No one said it was. Fault isn't the topic here. Assigning blame isn't, either.

 

Identification of what, exactly, folks are having trouble with, and how those of us who are available to help can help them is ideally what's up for discussion. Communication here isn't a two-way street, it's a town square with folks standing around all over the place.

 

I'd love to hear more from newer members of the community and members who aren't new but are still trying to break through. What I'd like to hear more of is:

 

1. What they've tried.

2. What they haven't tried.

3. What they think might help them.

4. What they think isn't helping them.

 

I've been playing FFXIV on and off since the game's relaunch, personally. Yet despite multiple attempts to get involved with more than just brief meetings in the Quicksand it was only when I stumbled across my current FC that I actually felt welcome.

 

Now, I'm not new to role-play by any means. I've led events and role-playing guilds back when I devoted my MMO time to WoW. I've got a pretty big load of ideas for planned events and the like yet any attempt to break into the community outside of my FC often falls flat.

 

People say they're open to being approached in-game or that they're happy to join a particularly intriguing fresh LS and yet when push comes to shove they don't deliver on that promise. It's understandable if they're busy or swamped with other matters but if so maybe they shouldn't be giving people false hope by saying 'sure, I'll get involved' and then not doing anything.

 

As you can no doubt imagine it becomes even more frustrating when those same individuals then come to this very thread and feign innocence or deflect blame by making it seem like those putting in genuine effort need to do more to get involved.

 

It's a dangerous, vicious cycle and I for one will be doing what I can to try to end it. Though for that to happen we need acknowledgement and humility from those responsible.

This is an interesting perspective. I am glad you found a Free Company though. I'm curious as to how you stumbled across them!

 

I'm also genuinely curious (not being snide! I know sometimes tone can be misconstrued in writing) regarding the individuals in this thread who feign innocence or deflect 'blame'. Rather, I would like to know, for myself and my own self improvement, if you would count me as one of those, and if I am, I'm very open to suggestions on how I can change that.

[Warren Castille]

It's a dangerous, vicious cycle and I for one will be doing what I can to try to end it. Though for that to happen we need acknowledgement and humility from those responsible.

 

Consider that for this to happen, the folks who are leading others on would need to be aware of it themselves. No one here, I think, is trying to posture themselves as being new-player-friendly and then spitefully becoming unavailable. I've owed Caspar some RP for like... three months now. It's a reminder to myself of why I don't volunteer to help - My free time is too limited for me to really mean it, even if I wish I could do more.

 

We're not supposed to name names or call people on anything, though, so I don't know how to work through this impasse.

[Melkire]

No one said it was. Fault isn't the topic here. Assigning blame isn't, either.

 

Identification of what, exactly, folks are having trouble with, and how those of us who are available to help can help them is ideally what's up for discussion. Communication here isn't a two-way street, it's a town square with folks standing around all over the place.

 

I'd love to hear more from newer members of the community and members who aren't new but are still trying to break through. What I'd like to hear more of is:

 

1. What they've tried.

2. What they haven't tried.

3. What they think might help them.

4. What they think isn't helping them.

 

I've been playing FFXIV on and off since the game's relaunch, personally. Yet despite multiple attempts to get involved with more than just brief meetings in the Quicksand it was only when I stumbled across my current FC that I actually felt welcome.

 

Now, I'm not new to role-play by any means. I've led events and role-playing guilds back when I devoted my MMO time to WoW. I've got a pretty big load of ideas for planned events and the like yet any attempt to break into the community outside of my FC often falls flat.

 

People say they're open to being approached in-game or that they're happy to join a particularly intriguing fresh LS and yet when push comes to shove they don't deliver on that promise. It's understandable if they're busy or swamped with other matters but if so maybe they shouldn't be giving people false hope by saying 'sure, I'll get involved' and then not doing anything.

 

As you can no doubt imagine it becomes even more frustrating when those same individuals then come to this very thread and feign innocence or deflect blame by making it seem like those putting in genuine effort need to do more to get involved.

 

It's a dangerous, vicious cycle and I for one will be doing what I can to try to end it. Though for that to happen we need acknowledgement and humility from those responsible.

 

The first thing I want to ask: did you ever try anywhere other than the Quicksand and your FC? Anywhere other than a tavern, or a tavern night, or a large-scale event where your emotes can get lost in all the noise of people chatting it up with their own friends?

 

And I acknowledge that many of us do, in fact, make false promises. We're human, and it happens. I've lost track of the number of times I've told newcomers and friends alike that I'll have time for them at such-and-such date-and-time, and yet it never happened because I got swamped, or I was pulled away for something else, etc. I see a lot of it happening here on the Welcome Desk and Making Connections board because people are more interested in looking and appearing nice and friendly than they are in committing to meeting someone (again, I've been guilty of this).

 

What I can tell you is that guilt-tripping folks isn't going to help. It's just going to make your case, and the cases of those like you, even worse. Acknowledgement is already here, courtesy of the fact that this thread exists, and we've had numerous threads like it. It's an on-going problem, and the awareness is on-going, too. It's not like we didn't know this was a problem - we did. We have known.

 

And asking for humility? That, more than anything else, is going to cause hairs to bristle, because you're implying that folks aren't humble, and that's insulting, because it implies that we're all self-centered egomaniacs who don't care.

 

EDIT: I'd like to echo what Berrod said.

[Verad]

It's a dangerous, vicious cycle and I for one will be doing what I can to try to end it. Though for that to happen we need acknowledgement and humility from those responsible.

 

"Dangerous" in what way? Do you mean real harm is being inflicted upon the people who are at the brunt of these false promises?

[Ette]

MY TWO CENTS:

 

Have a good time for when you can be contacted, actually contact the person in question, and bring an RP hook to set down on the table.

 

I’m all for player proactivity and I do take pretty active steps in keeping up with the people who I want to play with but a good litmus test for if I want to play with someone if they actually seem like they want to play with me. If I have to constantly hound them down for every interaction and constantly have to come up with a hook for why our characters are interacting then it begins to feel less like an RP scene between two people and more like work. I’m not here to work.

 

I mean. . . I don’t know. I feel as if it should kind of go without saying that if you want to do something with someone you should actively try to do the thing. I want to feel like someone is tossing out a line because they want to write a rad story with my characters, not because they want to look like a friendly face on a public forum.

 

 

Also I don’t actually see what the big deal is about breaking out into “the community” which seems really odd and nebulous to begin with. But maybe that’s because if the RPC was a neighborhood I’d be that one neighbor that lives on the edge of town and never goes outside and maybe -crosses fingers- is probably accused of witchcraft at least one. I’m cool with that. I like that fringe.

[Edda]

It's a dangerous, vicious cycle and I for one will be doing what I can to try to end it. Though for that to happen we need acknowledgement and humility from those responsible.

 

"Dangerous" in what way? Do you mean real harm is being inflicted upon the people who are at the brunt of these false promises?

Dangerous in the sense that it can lead to misunderstandings, feeling personally attacked/ignored, anger, animosity, deliberate exclusion, hurt feelings, and frustration. I can't speak for anyone about such results, but I imagine this to be the case here. The severity of what happens to such players is entirely dependent on the situation, how sensitive they are, and how much they rely on RP for whatever social/emotional reasons they may have.

[Unnamed Mercenary]

It's a dangerous, vicious cycle and I for one will be doing what I can to try to end it. Though for that to happen we need acknowledgement and humility from those responsible.

 

"Dangerous" in what way? Do you mean real harm is being inflicted upon the people who are at the brunt of these false promises?

 

Physically, not at all.

 

But it does deal damage to people who are socially awkward/unstable/immature/whatever-is-keeping-them-from-being-social. it can be discouraging to people when they see their attempts fail. 

 

 

I'm guilty of it on both sides. Sometimes I'll reach out and watch nothing happen. Other times, I reach out, and it's my fault for not doing my part of the conversation. Other times, I sit and wait to react  to something, but find nothing of interest to -me- at that moment, so I leave. 

 

Here's something that's been echoed in some linkshells I've been a part of, and some extra thoughts thrown in to muddle it. We're here to play a game. Maybe socialize. But we're not therapists. We're also not mind-readers.

 

 

My best mistake? I will walk around looking for RP when there's potentially a list of people who WANT to RP with me. It's the weirdest behavior. And I see others doing it too! "Why can't I find RP?!" stops working when there are people that are getting brushed aside in the search.

 

edit: *looks up* Hi Edda. Why are we not forcing you into RP?