RP-Relationship discussion

[Aveline]

LOL you could always tell those insecure couples in FFXI by how often they publicly referred to each other by pet names.

 

"Hey sweetness can you pls cure me?"

"You got it sexy. Good job with that WS."

"How long are we going to xp for before you wanna head up to work on your polearm skill?"

Rest of party: /PUKE

 

Or you'd just try to have a conversation with someone or make a friendly comment and the guy of the two of them would get all macho and be like "YOU TALKIN' TO MY WOMAN??"

 

My bf & I love playing games together, but we would probably stab the other if they tried something like the above. Also if I started up an RP romance with Aveline he would probably just endlessly make fun of me for it

[Bear]

I've always thought about RP romance, but I always make my characters too old, like my last guy was 83 years old, and everyone elses characters were like 20-30, it just doesn't ever work out lol, well... except for hookers hahahaha !

 

When it goes wrong' date=' and not in a pre-planned kind of way? Man, that stuff can permanently eff up friendships and guilds and communities. It's definitely playing with fire. I can't imagine trying that stuff inside a smallish closed group again.[/quote']

 

Yeah in my last guild we had some people RP a marriage, and then they split up for some random RP drama (it was really good RP actually) and then every time they would see each other they would squabble in RP; however, after a period of time they started to get really pissed at each other IRL and got a little too involved in their characters, it screwed up their friendship and destroyed our group.

 

On the other hand, we had another RP marriage between the guild leader and a longterm member and it actually played into everyone's story and it worked out great, really enjoyable.

 

I don't think RP relationships are always bad, I think it's like 50/50, if people want to get into it I don't mind, just as long as they don't get too involved and let it ruin their friendships IRL, because that messes up everyone's fun

[Kashemia]

 

"Hey sweetness can you pls cure me?"

"You got it sexy. Good job with that WS."

"How long are we going to xp for before you wanna head up to work on your polearm skill?"

Rest of party: /PUKE

 

*Is so going to start doing that, just to freak out Iroh*

[Monadi]

"Hey sweetness can you pls cure me?"

"You got it sexy. Good job with that WS."

Rest of party: /PUKE

 

:lol:

 

Yeah in my last guild we had some people RP a marriage' date=' and then they split up for some random RP drama (it was really good RP actually) and then every time they would see each other they would squabble in RP; however, after a period of time they started to get really pissed at each other IRL and got a little too involved in their characters, it screwed up their friendship and destroyed our group.[/quote']

 

That's the tough part, because even if you're not playing as the character itself and their emotions aren't your emotions, it's totally easy to come to really care about what happens to that character anyway. When things go wrong for them, it's a lot like watching a close friend get kicked in the nuts, and it's hard not to care, even if it's not a real person.

 

I suppose the best solution is to play totally unsexy characters. :lol: Though the same problem could pop up just through genuine platonic-style conflict if it gets vicious enough, I expect.

[Tyriont]

The moral of the story: Get a gamer significant other and brace for HORNETS COVERED IN BEES.

 

(That are on fire).

 

I like my (RP-romance) women like I like my coffee...COVERED IN BEES!

 

Or you'd just try to have a conversation with someone or make a friendly comment and the guy of the two of them would get all macho and be like "YOU TALKIN' TO MY WOMAN??"

 

Fun response: "No, I'm talking to mine." Then stand back and watch the fireworks as said guy goes all Internet Tough Guytm.

 

It's really easy to say "well, some people just can't keep IC and OOC separate so they suck". Not that anyone's doing that, but it's a common argument. Problem is, we play these characters a lot, RP them a lot. Get inside their heads. Especially those who don't use a lot of alts and just stick with the one character...in a way, they become an extension. It's only natural to feel some sort of "emotional feedback" which can pass over into OOC interactions. The key is to identify them ahead of time and take steps to stop it before friendships are lost, shells ripped aparts and dogs and cats wind up living together.

[Monadi]

I like my (RP-romance) women like I like my coffee...COVERED IN BEES!

 

That is super hot. :love:

[Bear]

That's the tough part' date=' because even if you're not playing as the character itself and their emotions aren't your emotions, it's totally easy to come to really care about what happens to that character anyway. When things go wrong for them, it's a lot like watching a close friend get kicked in the nuts, and it's hard not to care, even if it's not a real person.[/quote']

 

About 4 or 5 years ago when I was really new to RP and I didn't really understand much about it, I had gotten my character into a relationship and got WAAAAY to involved, I totally messed up a lot of stuff, I actually ended up quitting the game which was probably a good thing (it was WoW, only played 4 months, THANK GOD!)

 

I certainly learned my lesson, I think everyone gets too involved in their characters at least once in a while, it's hard not to, especially when you are on for long periods of time.

 

I like my (RP-romance) women like I like my coffee...COVERED IN BEES!

 

That is super hot. :love:

 

LOL!

[Goliam]

The moral of the story: Get a gamer significant other and brace for HORNETS COVERED IN BEES.

 

(That are on fire).

 

I like my (RP-romance) women like I like my coffee...COVERED IN BEES!

 

Finally, someone got the joke.

 

Or you'd just try to have a conversation with someone or make a friendly comment and the guy of the two of them would get all macho and be like "YOU TALKIN' TO MY WOMAN??"

 

Fun response: "No, I'm talking to mine." Then stand back and watch the fireworks as said guy goes all Internet Tough Guytm.

 

So angry, so, so angry on the internet.

 

It's really easy to say "well, some people just can't keep IC and OOC separate so they suck". Not that anyone's doing that, but it's a common argument. Problem is, we play these characters a lot, RP them a lot. Get inside their heads. Especially those who don't use a lot of alts and just stick with the one character...in a way, they become an extension. It's only natural to feel some sort of "emotional feedback" which can pass over into OOC interactions. The key is to identify them ahead of time and take steps to stop it before friendships are lost, shells ripped aparts and dogs and cats wind up living together.

 

Very well said. Ive always been attached to my rp characters, long term or not. Theyre kinda always a part of my repertoire.

[Kashemia]

It's really easy to say "well, some people just can't keep IC and OOC separate so they suck". Not that anyone's doing that, but it's a common argument. Problem is, we play these characters a lot, RP them a lot. Get inside their heads. Especially those who don't use a lot of alts and just stick with the one character...in a way, they become an extension. It's only natural to feel some sort of "emotional feedback" which can pass over into OOC interactions. The key is to identify them ahead of time and take steps to stop it before friendships are lost, shells ripped aparts and dogs and cats wind up living together.

 

Very very good point. I think I used the "seperating IC and OOC" line too, but you are absolutely right, it's not black/white. Even if we don't feel that our characters are us self, they are often someone we care about, and why shouldn't you? you spend a lot of time "in their shoes"...

 

What I think most people know when they talk about separating IC and OOC, is to know when a conflict is between the characters, and between the people playing them. Same with relationships.

It is also one of the reasons why I prefer having an OOC guild chat for instance, because not only with relationship, but with rp in general, to me, when it's people I roleplay a lot with, it's really important to know the people behind the character as well, so you can stay on the same page, and I think that avoids a lot of misunderstandings.

[Iroh]

I think it's almost impossible for a Roleplayer to completely separate IC and OOC. I'm not saying it's totally impossible. I'm not saying it's never been done. I do it often... but every single time no matter what? No.

 

There are always times someone does something really mean IC and you just sit back and think... "Huh... you know, that person is kind of... well, a dick." Not all the time. Sometimes you can tell it's COMPLETELY IC... sometimes the player is awesome and they literally TELL you OOC they are just being IC and clear things with you. (That's the best, keeping an OOC dialogue running)

 

But there are times, and if you think hard about it, trust me, you'll remember those times... when it just feels like someone is being an arse IC and are ALSO being an arse OOC.

 

Ergo, sometimes you have an IC relationship that doesn't cross ANY kind of boundary... and sometimes you just have one that does. It might not happen a lot for some, it might happen almost never for others, it might NEVER happen to you. There is just no way to tell how things will go down in life, is there? The best anyone can do is prepare themselves as best they can for "potentials."

 

This is why many claim they keep things COMPLETELY separate. This is a very good thing to do to "prepare" yourself from the inevitability of IC and OOC feelings meshing slightly. This doesn't mean you've completely protected yourself from drama and are now immune to all emotions, however, so always be careful... but it usually helps people feel more secure in their online interactions.

 

I am an actor, on the stage, in real life... and trust me, when you are really into the part, you have to feel SOME of the emotions you are portraying. Usually it's ok for actors as at the end of show we throw off the character and can become us... but in RP, you are constantly PLAYING that person, day in and day out, and it can be very tricky to claim with 100% certainty you are immune to feeling anything your character might feel.

 

Here's how I view it all. Dudes and Dudettes, it's ok to feel similar emotions that your character is feeling. The trick is to recognize when it's happening and take certain steps to avoid any serious issues. Is that person really pissing you off even though they've only said IC things to you? Don't RP with them. Walk away. This does NOT, however, mean you start mouthing off to all your friends what a jerk they are (this often happens, and people convince themselves it's completely justified because deep down, we always want reassurance from our friends that we are not... you know... insane). This just means you keep you respectful opinion to yourself and just try to do your own thing.

 

Feel like you have a crush on a player? First sit back and think "well, what do I know about them?" If you really know NOTHING OOC, you are probably just crushing on the character. If you still think you like them, the person behind the role, then maybe take some steps further. Either talk to them about it, gently, to see if they feel the same (or are... you know, AVAILABLE). If they do, maybe you've just made an important discovery. If they don't, you know clearly that it's rejection time... and it's probably a good idea to get over it and just move on. It helps NO ONE to pursue something like that.

 

Now, all that being said, I met my fiancée in an online RP community. I think the main difference between us however was that we did not begin flirting and talking IC, but we began our communication OOC. Gradually, it was clear our feelings had nothing to do with our characters, and our characters, frankly, never even really got to the levels of adoration we feel for each other now, or even back then when we were first chatting.

 

So I suppose to make a long story short (TOO LATE) it's important to separate, yes. It's important to distance yourself, yes... but don't listen to anyone who tells you that you're evil or a drama-llama or a bad roleplayer for slightly meshing some of your OOC feelings into some IC things that happen. The trick is to just be aware that this CAN happen and conduct yourself in a mature and adult fashion.

 

Just because this is the internet doesn't mean we have to remain uncivilized, after all.

 

 

"Hey sweetness can you pls cure me?"

"You got it sexy. Good job with that WS."

"How long are we going to xp for before you wanna head up to work on your polearm skill?"

Rest of party: /PUKE

 

*Is so going to start doing that, just to freak out Iroh*

 

So not funny

[Merri]

Well, since this IS a "RP-relationship" discussion, and.. this is a relationship, I figure I could flap my mouth here, no? -ALSO! I totally don't mean to derail the direction this thread is headed in, but I didn't think it would be a smart move to dance off and create a thread or anything for a question that is closely related to the subject at hand.

 

 

This time around I'm actually trying a new approach to an in-character relationship. It's something I've never had the chance to do in the nine or ten years I've been roleplaying, but something I'm also very excited (and nervous) to try out.

 

So! I gave my character a younger sister. (Who is ironically being played by the same person who ended up becoming the wife of my character in Aion.) She ended up wanting to play a Miqo'te instead of a Hyur, though, so we decided on going the route of her character having been adopted when she was just a little kitten. Or something like that, as we haven't exactly hammered out all the details, yet.

 

But, I'm excited to take a new approach to a character that I have never had the chance to take. Having the responsibility of both looking after, as well as providing for a younger sibling, who's also still a teenager.

 

I am worried about how much the dependency factor will weigh things down, but, we have (Or at least, I have) brainstormed a few ideas to sort of alleviate any major pressure on that subject.

 

So, I guess my question is this: Have any of you ever roleplayed a sibling relationship? Whether it was a blood-relative, or an adopted sibling, what were your experiences?

[Kashemia]

Averis and me are going to do it in FFXIV as well, my character Seraj being the older sister and his character Azia being the younger. From what we've been discussing so far, it's going to be a pretty interesting dynamic, since Azia in some ways are probably more responsible than Seraj.

 

I've done it once before, we did a lot of planning before we started, and it worked fine, it was a lot of fun and pretty interesting. But both of those characters were adult, so it might be slightly different.

[Kylin]

I did RP a brother-brother relationship in my super early FFXI years. It was by far one of the most memorable experiences I've had in RP overall. There wasn't a ton of planning involved or anything. I don't even remember how it started. I think I posted a thread somewhere about looking for someone to play the role and he volunteered. We matched up stories and made it work. Awesome experience overall. I sincerely hope that I find at least one person to play a sibling role again eventually.

 

The only bad thing about sibling relationships (or any relationship for that matter) is if/when that person decides to quit RP, quit the game, and/or just drops off the radar. You kinda get stuck in a bad position then. Thus you're forced to be rather selective in choosing someone who you know will stick through everything for the long haul. That's not always easy if you don't know the person very well.

[Kashemia]

Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I talk a lot less with my sister since we both moved away from home and now live in different cities. We talk over the phone, sure, but we don't see each other THAT often. In a world where the phone doesn't exist, I can't imagine it being much easier, so I'm sure it's possible to come up with a reason for siblings to drift apart

[Merri]

But both of those characters were adult' date=' so it might be slightly different.[/quote']

 

Well, I think we ended up pinging her as sixteen or seventeen, so it's not like she's entirely helpless, as I may have accidentally inferred in my previous post. Of course, Rain is still going to have to be the parental figure, as.. they don't have parents. Not anymore, at least.

 

Good to know, though. We get a long well OOCly, and I like to think we've gotten to know each other at least somewhat well over the past eight months or so we've known each other. So, I'm sure we'll get plenty of planning done in the next two months.

 

We did actually end up having a bit of a funny moment when I initially suggested the idea. Previously, I had rolled out a bit of a background for Rain's sister back in March (Who was Hyur at that point, and.. not played by anybody.), and when she went to look over what I had previously thought up for the character, she said she was kind of creeped out at the fact that the character I had imagined up a few months ago, was almost exactly like the character she had been planning ever since I suggested the idea of her taking the role.

 

So, if that isn't compatibility, I don't know what is.

 

 

Also, that makes a lot of sense, Kashemia. Never really thought to think of it that way. My own brother IRL lives on another continent, but we're still really close.

[ArmachiA]

About the current topics:

 

About OOC/IC: I think that's why it's so important to me to keep my Guild Talk OOC, so people can get to know each other as people and what they expect in rp. When my guild is RPing, we're also sounding off our characteraps motives, feelings, etc OOC in guild chat, and everyone discusses it WHILE RP is going on. Really clears things up.

 

About BAD DRAMA: I've only had one bad experiance with Romance, but most of my romance stories have turned out just fine. One bad experience won't keep me away. I don't look for Romance, I don't care if I have it, but I'm certianly not afraid of it.

 

Iroh: Everything you said is sooo true, though ICly Armi thought you were wierd, and OOCLY I thought you were the bees Knees <3 <3

 

 

siblings are fun, me and Stanzie did it in Aion with our alts and it was a blast. They were fraternal twins and complete opposites.

[Iroh]

 

Iroh: Everything you said is sooo true, though ICly Armi thought you were wierd, and OOCLY I thought you were the bees Knees <3 <3

 

I personally find that amusing, since Vahsyl WAS weird, but no one ever seemed to think so. Most people just thought he was charming. But no, he was one weird, messed up, artistic, INSANE crow.

[ArmachiA]

Good to know I got one right

[Kashemia]

Hehe, I think I was the one who got to see most of his weird sides ^^ I still have his and Eden's argument when he was trying to teach her to fight, it's a lot of fun to read.

[Midaja]

I think it would be awesome to have someone playing my future chars sister or mother, it would make it much easier to get into a motivated plotline I think (for my char being a bit shy and quiet). When I started a new alt in WoW a friend suggested playing her sister and at first it was very funny, but we didnt have a bigger RP-community around us, so that story some kind of bled to death...

 

RPing romance always makes me feel like when I first read Harry Potter's romances with Cho and Ginny *giggles*: caring for the respective character and getting excited when things got going, but not something to make a mountain out of (altough it was quite hard to accept that the story wouldnt continue actually...). I think sharing the feelings of your character (to a set point) of course makes it easier to RP him convincingly and its also more motivating than just playing a plot because you think youre character should be into that. Of course only on condidtion that, like everyone else said, all parties are comfort about it, you dont mix up a crush on a character with a crush on a real person and youre always aware of the fact, that it might end apruptly (for whatever reason) and be sure it doesnt tear (you) down RL...

[Eva]

Ironic that this thread pops up on today's date...

 

I can write a very interesting novel, outlining the events of my life between August of 2005 and September of 2007. It's strange how two years of anger and resentment took probably about the same length of time to overcome after the endpoint. I would be upset about losing four years of my life, if not for the fact that I learned some extraordinarily valuable lessons.

 

Most of Sylph from FFXI knows all about this awful story, so I'll try to keep it brief, relevent, avoid naming any specific individuals, and I'll try to keep it relatively QQ-free. I might wind up going into more detail if there's an RPCV episode dedicated to the topic, which I know has been discussed.

 

I may at one time have been regarded as the jealous boyfriend type. I had issues in a prior relationship which left me insecure. But I did get involved OOCly with a character's love interest. After an extended friendship a couple of meetings, and countless hours of long-distance cell phone bill-rackage, I decided to move 1600 miles away from everything I knew on a leap of faith. The fact is the girl I had fallen for had greatly misrepresented herself, and if I wasn't so lovestruck I probably would have seen the warning signs even before I moved out there.

 

We had decided to maintain the RP romance, which had turned to a RP marriage by that point. It wasn't long before the problems manifested themselves. I trusted her, but I wasn't thrilled about some of the stuff she was RPing, and expressed this to her. Long story short, she turned out to be immature and a compulsive liar. I got burned by her, a couple people whom I considered online friends, and a flatmate who was at that time my best friend. There's more to it than that, but that's really the gist of it.

 

I've found a new relationship now, much closer to home. I'm not hopeful that she'll be a RPer with us (but it still remains to be seen, she did roll up a miqo'te the other night!). I've resolved that in all probability, I'm not going to do any relationship RP with Eva. Honestly, that was a large part of the allure of making a female character. Her storyline leaves off in such a way that she's more or less a widow, and while the possibility may be out there to do something lighthearted with it later on, it's going to depend on what I'm comfortable with, and how my RL girlfriend would feel about it. I do hope to have many IC friendships though.

 

I can't speak as to how people in RL relationships should RP their relationships. That should be up to them. But I will say that both parties involved should be in agreement and comfortable with the process, otherwise [melo]drama will almost certainly ensue.

[Monadi]

Eva's story

 

That is so tough and my heart aches hearing about such a thing happening. One of the worst things that can happen is when someone misrepresents him or herself online like that. It's terrible how our emotions can really get the best of us and make us blind to the danger signs, but that can happen in real life as well.

[ArmachiA]

Off Topic, but, you're a guy!?

[Ellion Goto]

Long story is long.

 

This sounds like something simuliar that happened to me, but I was on the other side. Also long response is long.

 

That's quite the similar stories for sure. I remember that scenario Armi. From what I remember we had some serious lack of communication situations within the guild as a whole. Probably due to unfamiliarity with each other but these things tend to happen. I think to be specific I remember my character being angry at both Armi's and the girl's male character for silly decisions made. My character was actually more annoyed with Armi's character than the girl's male character. Ellion actually got along with the male up until an event decision was made by that character that Ellion just completely didn't agree with. At this point he grew a distaste for the character which was all before Armi and the male character hit their crazy, weird relationship pew pew. So add in that relationship failure to the already existing rivalry that was building and that girl's male character had quite the chip on their shoulders I'm sure. However, since I have more RP time with Armi by default, those areas got explored by her character and not so much by the male character. So a heated tension built up between Ellion and GirlGuy (as I've grown to call him) and at one point I remember me asking if it was alright if my character could slug the girl's male one. The agreement was made and the outburst commenced! It was quite the Soap Opera overall. However the girl assumed that Ellion was against GirlGuy because I'm affiliated with Armi irl. Not really the case, because one thing to note, "you should always leave your RP shoes at the door when you're done." She just needed to RP with Ellion more to find out why. This is why communication between guilds/families is oh so important, and we must all understand that it requires a friendly atmosphere to be comfortable. We must be open with each other about what we want/intend and it gives an idea of where to go. But Armi and the girl never really resolved any of their issues because of lack of communication and theorycrafting for lack of a better term. It's a shame when sides are taken just because, with no justification other than "it's my friend so there" scenarios, so I feel for you if that happened.

 

 

And also, to be fair, the game itself was not very conducive to open-ended RP. It was strict in storyline that just kinda wedged characters to a certain setting. Not very fun to create a story around let me tell you.

 

As far as acceptance of videogame relationships go. Me and Armi are in a relationship, I have no problem with one of her characters knockin' boots with some other character because it's a videogame.It's a story in a fictitious universe involving people that's not really her, regardless of how much of her personality is put into it. Simply because who cares. It's a character.

[Eva]

That is so tough and my heart aches hearing about such a thing happening. One of the worst things that can happen is when someone misrepresents him or herself online like that. It's terrible how our emotions can really get the best of us and make us blind to the danger signs' date=' but that can happen in real life as well.[/quote']

Thanks. I do have a lot of memories from those days, both in RL and from the game, which I still treasure. I like to think that she was a good person who was just confused about who she was and what she wanted out of life. Everyone has their own story, and I know she had some issues of her own, and to some extent I know why, but it doesn't excuse what was done.

 

Off Topic' date=' but, you're a guy!?[/quote']

I've never really been secretive about this: viewtopic.php?f=12&t=61

You'll hear my less-than-feminine voice on RPCV podcast episode 4 whenever it gets uploaded. I guess I don't advertise the fact as much since I think people will view the character differently - which is not what I want.