The Eorzean Literacy Test ((Open, OOC Welcome))

[Steel Wolf]

The message boards of the main cities of Eorzea are always littered with a variety of postings--party invitations, shop advertisements, sales requests and lost animal fliers.  One posting, however, seems to stand out among all the rest.

 

It's a long note, scrawled with immaculately detailed penmanship, with an even longer parchment scroll tacked beneath.  Tied to the top of the note is a writing charcoal that hangs idly by, waiting to be used.

 

The note above the scroll reads as follows:

 

Greetings, citizens of Eorzea

 

My name is not important, but my vocation is.  I am a scholar of language and writing of this great land, and I am providing this missive as a means to ensure that our common tongue is not lost, and proper diction and speaking is not muddied beneath the blur of these furious days.

 

Understand my position is not one of levity, but of dire, stoic seriousness.  The battles we wage are nothing compared to the battle against proper grammar and clear speech.  No orders were ever met and carried when issued by some gobstopped general, and it is the speeches of great leaders that echo across all of time...and these were orated by clear-spoken men and women.  For what are we but cretins beneath even the Beastmen if we allow vigilance to waver in the face of the tangled tongue and ruined readership?

 

Thus, to assuage my concerns, and to ensure that every man, woman and cat-man among us is well-read, well-learned and well-spoken, I propose this test to all of Eorzea's citizenry.

 

Herein are the instructions.

 

Below this note, you will notice a scroll, with one sentence written upon it.  Using the attached charcoal I have so graciously provided, under good faith that nobody will steal the bloody thing, those who are reading this shall continue the story I have begun, ensuring to write ONLY ONE SENTENCE AT A TIME.  The purpose of this test is to gauge the realm's ability to create expressive ideas, to clearly dictate those ideas and to ensure that the realm shares understanding among its citizenry.

 

It is my fervent hope that this test will yield satisfactory results.  Let us begin.

 

It was a clear, fine day in the forest of the North Shroud.

[Mooncalling]

Rheah couldn't help but notice the long parchment tacked to the board in Gridania. With an arched eyebrow she reads the instructions, her grin growing wider by the moment.  Pulling her own quill from her grimiore, she writes in a steady hand-

 

 

"The Princess Pentunia walked among the trees, singing happily with the birds."

[Whittledown]

Hornet grins as she spots the document and reads down to the bottom. Princess Pentunia? She shakes her head and chuckles softly as she picks up the writing utensil and adds to the bottom.

 

"Suddenly, riding out from the brush on a beautiful golden chocobo, came a knight in gleaming silver armor."

[TheLastCandle]

"He would have been a dashing figure indeed, were his countenance not twisted into an ear-piercing shriek as he fled from the monstrous Morbol that came crashing out of the thicket in hot pursuit!"

 

Yvelont snickered to himself, leaving the charcoal where he found it. Whistling, he shouldered his botanists' hatchet and wandered off.

[Therese]

A lone Hyur woman stared at this and considered the words careful. Especially to the original comments obvious conceit.

 

"The knight hid behind Princess Petunia like a cowardly Lalafell."

[Knight Kat]

"The Princess drew a botanists' axe, and grinned wickedly at the oncoming Morbol!"

 

Kiht writes in handwriting that is somewhat sloppy, but easily legible. She then grins tauntingly, and bolts away before anyone can reprimand her.

[Goodfellow]

((At the word "scholar," Lolotaru's eyes grow wide.  Compelled, his right hand gets to writing.))

 

"Gripping the axe tightly, the Morbol bearing down on her position, Pentunia growled through her grin, 'I thought I'd find you here, you old bastard!'"

[Steel Wolf]

Steel rolled her eyes at the attached note--or, more specifically, its arrogant tone.  Something about the highly scholared always set her to edge.  Regardless, her compulsion to add to the narrative was stronger than her bristling at the test's insulting assumptions.

 

"The knight let out a pitiful whimper, which pitched into a full panicked scream as Petunia leapt at the raging morbol, axe raised overhead."

[Pema]

After hesitating for several moments the small, shrouded form picks up the charcoal and writes neatly:

 

"As the princesses' axe sinks deep into the morbol's putrid face the knight cowers and sulks; crying piteously for his mother as though these moments were but fleeting and his last."

[Pip]

The lanky, grey Elezen considered the posting for a long time as if waiting for some sort of trap to spring. At once he darted into action, scrawling a line in rapid, small strokes:

 

"Frederick!" the man cried, "Why did you murder my darling Frederick?"

[Steel Wolf]

Curiosity had compelled Steel to return to the scroll, and sure enough the story had taken a turn for the absurd.

 

She chuckled, picking up the writing charcoal and decided to add to the frivolity.

 

"The victorious princess smiled wickedly, hefting the axe on her shoulder. 'That vile creature ate my sweetroll when I had picnicked earlier. He had it coming.', she said resolutely."

[Coatleque]

Coatleque read down the scroll and picked up the charcoal with weary sigh. She began to write in a flowing and practiced script...

 

"The poor Morbol twitched in it's last moments as it lay there on the ground, and an almost apologetic sounding yet gutteral groan was heard as a single tentacle procured (from somewhere unseen) a half-eaten sweetroll, holding it forth to the princess."

[Unnamed Mercenary]

The story, but some unknown means, had come to Franz's attention as he walked up the stairs from the airship docks in Gridania to the Carline Canopy above. With a slight snicker at the story, he picked up the charcoal and added his own embellishment, written in a flowing script reminiscent of Ishgardian writing.

 

 

"Her beloved sweetroll was ruined by the touch of a Morbol and made Petunia yell out loud, 'why must the Twelve test me so?'"

 

 

It had become quite a story, indeed. He decided it may be worth checking up on from time to time.

[Leanne]

Leanne saw the unfolding story with a bit of a snicker and a mischievous smile, a hand procuring her pen. The phrase she wrote had beautiful penmanship, signals of constant practice.

 

"Midst her endless complaints, she didn't notice the grumbling stomach of her fallen foe as the creature let out the most loud and vile belch this side of Twelveswood."

[Ridegmuve]

Iliette walked past the notice board with many  writings and attachment to it, having now time to look and fully examine it, she smirked at the story's developments and began writing her very own addition to the gruesome Tale!

 

"Both knight and princess have hid their face in disgust, the sweet roll rotting from the stench alone." 

 

Iliette nodded at her addition, satisfied with it and noted that she will check back on occasion to hear the rest of this!