Feeling like I'm not comfortable w/ my place in current FC

[Kage]

Perhaps people from FCs and those who might have been in a similar situation may have better input so I'm hoping that I can see what others' thoughts are on this.

 

I'm currently feeling a little out of place or uncomfortable in the FC I am in. Perhaps I'm just not meshing well with what the FC is for. I joined the current FC I am in because practically all of my irl friends are in it (I'd say a quarter to a third of the actives in the FC are my irl friends and I). I came to FFXIV to enjoy the game with my friends. I currently do but now I'm at the point where I just don't... feel like I'm meshing with it well. Perhaps it's because I want to experience and learn to raid Coil with a group of friends and not have to pug it all the time because my FC's just small enough to really only support 1 static. Or that I also really want to involve myself into RP things and yet I lack the imagination or creativity to plot anything.

 

At the same time, my FC and I do enjoy doing small things together such as tome runs between 3-6 of us. We did relic/HM primal runs on Sunday for a while together... A few have greatly helped me to get where I am at in the game as well. So I also feel like if I leave that it feels like I am betraying them.

 

It's been something that has been bothering me for a month or so, at least around the same time I started to RP and join RPC @_@.

 

tl;dr I really don't want to leave my FC behind and yet... I do. Thoughts? Advice? Opinions?

[Melodia]

I think that it's tough because of the irl aspect of it. I think everyone goes through lulls and that's just part of it I think. I know in my other server I play on, I am in a great FC but am thinking of leaving as I just do not mesh well with the group. I am friends with a couple of folks but outside of that, it's just not productive. But I do feel bad because of my friends, so I completely understand that feeling. What I think is, you pay for this game, an you need to do what you need to in order to enjoy it. And if that means leaving the FC to see what is out there, then you should.

 

1) You will still be friends with your irl friends, and they should support you if they are your friends. You can still run with them, etc. It's as simple as a party invite.

 

2) You can still RP with them as well, even in a different FC.

 

3) And maybe if you leave and see how it is another FC you may find your group is not so bad and go back. or you may find the new group is great and you will find newfound enjoyment of the game.

 

I think it's important in this game to do what makes you happy. Anyway....I rambled and maybe didn't help. But, I hope you decided to do what makes you happiest. :thumbsup:

[cuideag]

Don't feel obligated to stay in an FC if you aren't enjoying it.

 

Also, linkshells! Network! If you don't end up staying with your FC, see if you all can set up a linkshell for yourselves and friends to keep in touch.

[Melodia]

Don't feel obligated to stay in an FC if you aren't enjoying it.

 

Also, linkshells! Network! If you don't end up staying with your FC, see if you all can set up a linkshell for yourselves and friends to keep in touch.

 

This. Yes. This. ^^^^:thumbsup:

 

 

I forgot to mention, that's my whole life on the other server. All of my best friends are in another FC and we just use linkshell and run parties together.

[Kage]

Don't feel obligated to stay in an FC if you aren't enjoying it.

 

Also, linkshells! Network! If you don't end up staying with your FC, see if you all can set up a linkshell for yourselves and friends to keep in touch.

 

This is pretty much all set up. As soon as I joined all of my irl friends were in a central LS and then there was a LS that my FC has used with others. At this point I'd be 90% out of the gate of leaving it... But I'm also worried that if I leave I'm not sure where to go and that my friends won't feel like I've betrayed them. @_@ Or used them and then left.

[Steel Wolf]

Have you spoken to your friends to let them know how you feel?  If as many of your IRL friends occupy this FC as you say, and if your relationship with them is tight, you should be able to approach them with your feelings and see if you can't all hash it out.

[Kage]

Have you spoken to your friends to let them know how you feel?  If as many of your IRL friends occupy this FC as you say, and if your relationship with them is tight, you should be able to approach them with your feelings and see if you can't all hash it out.

 

I've mentioned it a few off times with my closest friends that I run with more often. The ones I see almost every Friday ish before they have to do coil with the static. it's just something that wouldn't really happen if I wanted to do Ex primals or end-game things with them because they'll always have someone better geared than I am, etc.

 

But I don't enjoy Pugging new things with people I don't know (it adds waaay too much anxiety for me) and the last times I've put up party finder groups for Garuda Ex it never even formed a group.

 

My social anxieties are really coming into it #_#;

 

I know I should be trying to PUG things more but it feels like since they have much better options (people on their 7th relics, 3rd or 4th job geared, etc) that I should find my own place. A little less than content as I yearn for more..?

[Steel Wolf]

You don't gotta talk to me about social anxieties--you know how I be, Kage.

 

The thing is, though, you shouldn't try to get too caught up in the endgame arms race, especially the attitudes that most of those PUGs seem to foster.  You're perhaps getting pressure laid on to you by complete strangers and you're feeling like you need to hurry to catch up.

 

You don't.  Not really.

 

I think the LS contacts advice is sound here--form your own static, or try to find some others who will fold you into theirs.  I have to think that there's places and folks in this very forum who will take someone of you iLVL BLM'ness into their rotations, especially if they're forming multiple statics.

 

The best advice I can provide you, personally, is don't feel pressure.  You're supposed to play this game for fun's sake, not to be under a falling Damocles of raider's pressure.

[Magellan]

I'm not sure if I'm totally reading this right, but.... shouldn't they want to include you in static if you're their friend? Or help you get geared up for it? Why wouldn't they make time for you to do these things?

 

It sounds like you're on the outside of a clique. And I'm sorry. I've been there, and it really hurts, and it really sucks. Especially with people considered to be friends.

[Evie]

*huggles the Kage*

 

It really sucks when you feel you don't belong with a group of people, especially when a few of them with your friends. I've been there before in another game, and I stuck around for months and months longer than I should have. It weighs down on your heart and really does more damage than good. If you're already 90% out the door, my recommendation is to go, find another FC. It'll be liberating and you'll feel so much better. Don't let it get to the point of you dread getting on to play because of where you are. If the bad moments out weigh the good it's not worth staying. Your friends will still be your friends no matter where you go FC wise. Some maybe a little butthurt, but they'll come around. And the others who don't....well don't want to judge people I don't know, but from experience they probably weren't friends to begin with. But in your case with them being IRL friends I don't think you'll run into the last issue.

 

That's just my experience with being in a similar situation and how honestly walking away was the BEST thing I ever did. It hurt at first, but really was the best for my health and sanity.

[Candor]

ExKage, I actually went through something similar to this very recently. Perhaps my solution will work or you - after I left the group that my friends were a part of, I set up a new independent LS and invited them all to it. Many of them were all still part of another LS, but as it turns out, my new one is pretty active too and I stay in touch with all the people I like to game with quite easily.

 

It's important to remember that this is a game, and games are meant to be fun. If you're not having fun, then it's a chore - and why would you pay to perform chore? Though the people you're concerned about are your friends, everyone has different tastes. You sound like you want to explore end game content more, while some of your friends prefer to focus on slice of life RP. That's fine, and as friends, rather than remain beholden to one another and bring each other down, you should understand that your game styles lies in different directions, and that's alright.

 

Another tip I can offer is to set up a group skype chat for your people. This is something I did parallel to my new LS, so even if the LS itself falls out of favor as people begin to focus on other LSs, we're still a crowd of friends in the skype chat.

 

tl;dr: People aren't made of stone. Do what you have to do, and people will flex to remain friends.

[Kage]

I feel like I might have misrepresented. A few friends/FC-mates (IRL or not) have definitely helped me in gearing up both as my main BLM and my secondary PLD that just hit 50 last week. It's been of help with the easier after-reaching-50 content but content outside of the HM primals... I've not.

 

The only time I was invited to do Coil with them was "oh you should be geared for T1-2... well since we aren't going to have the static work this week we can do this" which really did help me gain the confidence to start Pugging T1-2 but that's all I've done since then. Pug.

 

And... I don't know. I didn't join the game to pug end-game content. I'd rather make friends and progressed through the game than constantly and slowly pug away while I yearn for more.

 

((I've felt like I've done a lot more end-game and FUN things with the FoM LS than I have with the FC lately... and it's just something that I... expected? more from an FC?))

[Magellan]

 

((I've felt like I've done a lot more end-game and FUN things with the FoM LS than I have with the FC lately... and it's just something that I... expected? more from an FC?))

 

Ah yes, I can clearly identify with this. I actually never got to end game in ffxiv, but after hanging out with my FC at the time (not my current one) all summer long pre-launch, I really felt we were going to be a tightknit group that really looked out for one another.

 

Then the disastrous launch happened, and by the time I was able to get into the game, I was no longer part of their crowd. There was a core group of 5-6 who raced ahead and did everything together, while I  was pretty much stuck doing everything alone. It was pretty disheartening, and above all, disappointing. After how much time we spent together over the summer rping and whatnot,  I really expected a lot from the FC, and what I got instead was a feeling like kicked to the curb.

 

I tried to stick with it in the hopes things would improve, but they did not, and in the end I only subjected myself to more pain. Logging in became a chore. Games should.never feel like that. As many have already stated, best you get out there and look for a group that feels like 'home', rather than having your gaming experience seriously diminished by a place that is a poor fit.

 

I'm sure you can find awesome people to game with!

[Kage]

I yearn to progress through the end-game content but the anxieties I have with PF (and my lack of success at it) really... hinders me. And at this point it feels like (in my opinion I can't say it's the truth of the FC group), that i'll never catch up so long as I'm not pugging and getting i90(+when 2.2 comes out) BLM before I can "eventually" or "maybe" find myself starting my own static within the FC... which is.. yeah I dunno not something I want to do?

 

I want to get the courage to and yet I far enjoy doing content with friends than I do by myself in a PF group.

 

((And my FC's not actually an RP FC. In fact I only know of one friend who RPs and they're not in the FC... perhaps I've also grown to want one? I'm not sure if that's the case but once I hit end-game I really started to feel the disconnect between myself and the 'core static' group barring the people I see irl on a weekly basis.))

[synaesthetic]

You should consider Unity.  We have three Coil groups running currently, and though I don't have any plans to add more, we run them intentionally over-capacity (yes, this does mean people swap out from time to time) to make sure everyone gets a chance to go.

 

Outside of that we have lots and lots of people who run everything outside of Coil at pretty much all hours, so there's rarely a shortage of things to do.

 

Even though it's not specifically a roleplaying FC, Unity is full of roleplayers. We also just recently got our FC house and decorated it as a roleplaying space--I'll be setting up a thread soon to reserve timeslots to use the house for RP--so it's not the gaudy, furniture-stuffed mess that most FC houses seem to be.

 

Anyway it sounds like the FC you're in, despite having friends in it, is kind of giving you the third wheel treatment. That's unfortunate and since they seem to be leaving you to fend for yourself (which is even more unfortunate) I think you should look into other companies. Like Unity.

[Erik Mynhier]

Perhaps people from FCs and those who might have been in a similar situation may have better input so I'm hoping that I can see what others' thoughts are on this.

 

I'm currently feeling a little out of place or uncomfortable in the FC I am in. Perhaps I'm just not meshing well with what the FC is for. I joined the current FC I am in because practically all of my irl friends are in it (I'd say a quarter to a third of the actives in the FC are my irl friends and I). I came to FFXIV to enjoy the game with my friends. I currently do but now I'm at the point where I just don't... feel like I'm meshing with it well. Perhaps it's because I want to experience and learn to raid Coil with a group of friends and not have to pug it all the time because my FC's just small enough to really only support 1 static. Or that I also really want to involve myself into RP things and yet I lack the imagination or creativity to plot anything.

 

At the same time, my FC and I do enjoy doing small things together such as tome runs between 3-6 of us. We did relic/HM primal runs on Sunday for a while together... A few have greatly helped me to get where I am at in the game as well. So I also feel like if I leave that it feels like I am betraying them.

 

It's been something that has been bothering me for a month or so, at least around the same time I started to RP and join RPC @_@.

 

tl;dr I really don't want to leave my FC behind and yet... I do. Thoughts? Advice? Opinions?

 

If you want to stay I suggest having a sit down with your friends. That said, I'm looking to hire spies Kage.

[Evie]

Talk with your friends in your FC and with your friends out of your FC. A certain vain cat that goes by the name of Salem has always given me sound advice in the past . You can tell him Evie called him vain by the way, I swear he changes his character's appearance weekly .

[Roen]

The thing is, though, you shouldn't try to get too caught up in the endgame arms race, especially the attitudes that most of those PUGs seem to foster.  You're perhaps getting pressure laid on to you by complete strangers and you're feeling like you need to hurry to catch up.

 

You don't.  Not really.

 

I think the LS contacts advice is sound here--form your own static, or try to find some others who will fold you into theirs.  I have to think that there's places and folks in this very forum who will take someone of you iLVL BLM'ness into their rotations, especially if they're forming multiple statics.

 

The best advice I can provide you, personally, is don't feel pressure.  You're supposed to play this game for fun's sake, not to be under a falling Damocles of raider's pressure.

^ 

 

This!

 

At least that's how I feel and enjoy the game. But Kage, you are not me, and perhaps the endgame progression is a large part of your enjoyment. It sounds like you are looking for a static coil group and is perhaps looking for an FC that would provide that. So if you leave your current FC, then definitely look for an FC that may have space for you, else I think you may feel all this was for naught.

 

As for RP... you don't have to look to your FC to provide RP! You are already in one LS that has plenty of RPers! My first FC, while it was RP oriented which is what drew me there, was very small and intimate, and I was often left to my own devices to seek out my own RP. And I met plenty of folks that way! My current FC loves to RP so I am in a happy place, but even in between FCs, RP was never in question. You just gotta go look for it. Or create your own.

 

You know I would help!  

[Kage]

Talk with your friends in your FC and with your friends out of your FC. A certain vain cat that goes by the name of Salem has always given me sound advice in the past . You can tell him Evie called him vain by the way, I swear he changes his character's appearance weekly .

He's only been sending me /tells lately ;A; Where is my favorite miqo'te shoulder when a Lalafell needs it?! Not on the rail in Quicksand that's for sure ;o;

 

 

 

I feel like at some point the growth of the FC stalled and while we all help each other (CT runs? Relic Runs? Oh we have X mats we can craft for gear for X person), those outside of the core group doesn't really do anything like Ex primals or Coil together. I feel like most of the people who do a lot of the pugging like I do who stick around do it cause, like me, they really enjoy most of their company.

 

I just also feel extremely selfish because almost all of the members, especially my irl friends, have helped me a lot (in terms of dungeon runs, relic runs, mats, getting experience, etc) but outside of the higher content I feel like I'm left out because I'm not high i80s or i90. At the same time I understand that I'm not geared as high as they'd like or that I don't have the experience that they may like, but I feel that by pugging it I'm better off finding a steady group for me to get that experience.

 

I'm not good with words and talking about things really make me scared to do it with friends ;A; I've had lots of dramallama incidents where one or a couple of us did the misunderstandings-the-anime thing... ._.;

 

That said, I'm looking to hire spies Kage.

Why are you hiring spies? *suspicious!*

 

It sounds like you are looking for a static coil group and is perhaps looking for an FC that would provide that. So if you leave your current FC, then definitely look for an FC that may have space for you, else I think you may feel all this was for naught.

 

As for RP... you don't have to look to your FC to provide RP! You are already in one LS that has plenty of RPers! My first FC, while it was RP oriented which is what drew me there, was very small and intimate, and I was often left to my own devices to seek out my own RP. And I met plenty of folks that way! My current FC loves to RP so I am in a happy place, but even in between FCs, RP was never in question. You just gotta go look for it. Or create your own.

 

You know I would help!

Yes. I really want to progress through end-game. That's something I myself want but the attitude that I feel in the core group is that I have to PUG it to get to the level of being considered to go through it. So while I don't mind pugging it once in awhile if I couldn't meet the times... I don't want to live end-game like that. I want to be in a stable consistent environment where I know my place in that? I've found nice PF groups for T1-2 that I do now but I'd like to actually have a sorts of relationship with the people I do this part of the game with. If that makes sense.

 

And part of wanting to have an RP FC is to help my lack of creativity and imagination. I always find it easier to be involved in peoples' plots than to... plot something? ; (As imaginative as a rock I am).

[synaesthetic]

When I bring new recruits into Unity, we do not make them PUG their way to Turn 5 and i90 average. I can't count how many new Unity members that I've brought in, and then we helped them kill Titan HM on their first day in.

 

If you apply and are interested in raiding, but are behind gear-wise, we'll start by bringing you to Turns 1-4 so you can absorb gear that would normally go to freeroll, vanity or simply be trashed. Other members of the FC would certainly be keen on getting you CT runs, running normal dungeons for myth, attempting EX primals on the side...

 

TBH, it's pretty horrible that your FC expects you to catch up to them. It's much more efficient and far, far faster if they simply help you catch up. If you were to apply to Unity, that's exactly what would happen--we'd pull together and get you up to speed with the rest of the raiders in your group.

[Steel Wolf]

I agree with synaesthetic, it is pretty spectacularly crappybad that the FC you're in has you PUG'ing to get to their level.  That's....stupendously unfortunate.

 

And also the attitude that keeps me from even touching anything 2.1 beyond the Beastmen dailies. 

[Kage]

I think part of my issue with holding out is that one of my best friends in it is sorta holding out for me too. With the weekly lockout etc he's stuck in the core group while he'd love to help me out (and would generally prefer to). I've pugged coil 3 out of four times with at least one FC member except for this past week so it's been great except the first time was because the static couldn't come together at a good time that week and the other times I was with the people who generally are left pugging as well. It's sort of "man if only we weren't locked out we'd love to run it with you but this is also our best shot at it" so I understand why they (general not all) would rather I pug.

 

@synaesthetic: You make wonderful points. ^^ To be very honest, Unity has been very welcoming and kind to me here on RPC.  I really appreciated all of the advice and help everyone has given me (even though my own friends had.. helped me go on to make odder decisions about how to gear my BLM >_> <_< >_>). My friends and the FC have been of great help with the end-game area (everyone) up to the point where people start considering Ex primals and coil.

 

I was pretty disheartened when they decided to run Ex primals as an FC last last Sunday. They had hinted or eluded to the fact that hey I'd get to try my shot at Garuda Ex because I'd mentioned having no luck with PF learning groups over it ("we can even take kage along then"). While people were logging on for it, my friends decided that I had reached the level so that I could tank Darkhold. During that time I had started to think that I'd be going with them. Upon exit the 4 party group disbanded, I got on vent and realized that when they said they were only waiting on one tank... they were literally only waiting on one tank. They already had all the DPS they needed (all better geared than I). I stuck around on vent and decided to do my PLD job quests but I eventually grew a little too bitter listening to them so I had to get off it so they would continue.

[Steel Wolf]

:c

 

You should sit on my head.  That'll make you feel better.

 

And, if I can be completely and totally frank? That your 'friends' would cold shoulder you like they did means they're not worthy of any single damn second of your stress.

[Kage]

*sits on hot femRoe's head* This is very high up @_@ <3

 

Nuu. My friends are usually cool...

 

It probably doesn't help that I usually am very anxious about content and start to feel that I'm not up to it..

[Steel Wolf]

Irrelevant.

 

If they were real, good friends, they'd do what they could to assuage your fears.  Full stop.