Role Playing feelings and Real Life feelings.

[Kimikimi]

Hi I am Kimikimi, you might remember me from the Getting Married post.

 

I wanna talk to you about something that has happened to me.

I have been Role playing a lot and well if my character is meant to be sad or upset, I get upset or sad in real life.

 

Now I am wondering, my characters RP seems to be changing around her, and it is effecting me as the player.

 

I have set path I have for her, but detours have come up and left her feeling depressed. This is also making me feel depressed.

 

So has anyone else felt this way about their character or another character, do we all experience these feelings?

[Magellan]

It is possible to get very attached to a character, yes. It is also possible to get derailed on a character, to the point that your reason for playing them is no longer there, thus depriving us of what the joy in playing that character was.

 

Rp can be a bit of an emotional roller coaster at times. When you put a lot of time and effort into creating something, it can be frustrating when things don't turn out as hoped.

[Kimikimi]

It is possible to get very attached to a character, yes. It is also possible to get derailed on a character, to the point that your reason for playing them is no longer there, thus depriving us of what the joy in playing that character was.

 

Rp can be a bit of an emotional roller coaster at times. When you put a lot of time and effort into creating something, it can be frustrating when things don't turn out as hoped.

 

That is how I feel, here is my creations, my child and the unexpected happens.

 

It is well as you said a "Rollercoaster"

[Knight Kat]

Hi I am Kimikimi, you might remember me from the Getting Married post.

 

I wanna talk to you about something that has happened to me.

I have been Role playing a lot and well if my character is meant to be sad or upset, I get upset or sad in real life.

 

Now I am wondering, my characters RP seems to be changing around her, and it is effecting me as the player.

 

I have set path I have for her, but detours have come up and left her feeling depressed. This is also making me feel depressed.

 

So has anyone else felt this way about their character or another character, do we all experience these feelings?

 

I've talked to a friend about this once. He felt attached to his characters in the same way. IMHO it is very normal.

 

Think of characters from a TV show, movie, anime and/or book that you've gotten attached to. Maybe shed tears when something tragic happened to them? Felt happy when something good happened to them? RP is no different.

 

Actually, I think RP can effect us more deeply because we, as players, are part of the interaction. Our characters are our creations. They are our works of art. It is normal to feel attached, and having your emotion in sync with your character's usually helps intensify the RP.

 

On the other hand, it is no fun being depressed. If you are feeling heavily depressed about your character, here's my advice.

 

Retcon. If it is a serious enough problem, retcon the character. You'd be surprised what you could change without effecting anyone else.

 

Play an alt. RP on an alt will allow you to weave another story, and take your mind off the other character for a time.

 

Take a break from RP. Maybe take a day to do something else. Watch a movie, read a book, talk OOCly with some friends, wildlife photography, skydiving, ect. Just take some time to clear your head.

If you don't want to pull yourself away from the game, do some dungeons, work on crafting, do OOC stuff.

[Nunuza_Nuza]

Pretty much what Kat said.

 

I have found myself being unpredictable when it comes to chatting with someone while roleplaying. There are times I will say rude comments at my closest friend without thinking about it, simply because that's the mood my character is in at the moment.

 

I would definitely reccomend playing a more cheerful alt, or taking a break. I know, in my experience, I've had times when my character becomes depressed and because it affects me as well, I lose my motivation to write them as anything but. Often times after I've calmed down, I realize that my character has little reason to be upset, and ends up sorting out the problem rather quickly. (Or, at least, they start to react more instead of moping.)

[Clover]

Um, if the RP isn't able to make me feel anything, then I lose interest on it. Being completely unaffected is not fun in my opinion. It's like watching a movie you're indifferent to.

[Kimikimi]

I am glad we all feel the same way, just another thing.

 

I found it really helps when you get a friend or and outsider to talk to about whatever situation that character is in. They can see things that you would not see or too depressed to see yourself.

[Zhavi]

Hummm, I think my reactions tend to be more muted then the people who have posted here. Back when I first started rping as a teenager, the community I was in had ton of ooc/ic mixups (I'm talking some weird stalking stuff, ooc insults, people actively disliking each other because of stuff their characters had done, people getting jealous oocly when ic romantic partners talked to others oocly etc). While I stayed out of it for the most part, it affected people I knew and my rp with them, leading me to wall myself off from . . .I don't know, close emotional ties with my characters? So while I feel bad (kinda, okay, I'm a bit of a sadist when it comes to my characters) when stuff goes poorly for them, I tend to view it more from a plotting angle (where can we go from here?) then an emotional connection.

 

I think I tend to get more in the way of adrenaline rushes during rp then anything else, especially when it's a make-it-or-break-it moment (or when a longterm plot reaches its climax, OHMAN that feeling is amazing and euphoric). So, I mean, in that sense if things start getting to the point where they are negatively affecting you irl, I think it's possible to learn how to dampen that reaction or separate yourself from it. It can be a dangerous thing. Of course, I am admittedly biased when it comes to feeling as your character does due to me having dealt with the very worst a rp community has to offer.

[Ignacius]

I'm sort of a weird player, I suppose, in that I tend to fly by the seat of my pants (I don't often plan things ahead of time too closely), but I have VERY little emotional attachment to my characters.  I think it's because of how I play them; they're very different from me.  Normally, when I've had to referee an IC/OOC issue, it almost always comes back to someone's character being a lot like them.

 

If anyone's met Ignacious and had the opportunity to be offended by him yet, I'm not like him.  I'm a fairly decent person with a fairly normal 9-5 job in a respectable field, with a wife and two dogs outside a city in Ohio.  Ignacious is a former-soldier-turned-mercenary with a very nihilistic view on life, an often lazy streak to go nicely with his mean streak, and a violent personality.  Hell, sometimes, if things happen to him that aren't so good, I kind of figure the asshole deserves it.  I mean, he's not a completely horrible person, but he does kill animals and people for a living so he wouldn't make a decent living in customer service.

 

It's just one of those things where sometimes people make their characters very similar to themselves, living vicariously through them.  It's probably not a good idea in a setting where we can all influence the story; it's probably better for just pure storytelling on your own time.  If you're feeling too attached to your character, try developing parts of their personalities to be unlike you.  Otherwise, every insult, failure, and relationship breakup that happens in-character is going to feel like it happened to you personally.

 

Which, if that's your thing, that's fine.  It just makes OOC relationships with people a little strained when they're constantly having to alter character angles to account for your personal feelings.

[Zhavi]

Hell, sometimes, if things happen to him that aren't so good, I kind of figure the asshole deserves it.  I mean, he's not a completely horrible person, but he does kill animals and people for a living so he wouldn't make a decent living in customer service.

 

Ahaha, I have some characters like that. It's kind of fun in its own way to have a character you actively hope gets some comeuppance later. Hell, even the really pathetic ones can be fun if you're playing with a strong opposing character.

[Flickering Ember]

Oh yeah, I definitely feel sad, angry, or happy depending upon the RP. I have even cried over sad RPs. I feel this is a natural part of roleplay in the same way we sympathize with our movie protagonists. Although, I find it is also important to not let these emotions reign you in.

 

For example, I mentioned I can feel angry during RP. This is merely myself channeling my character's emotion and I should never ever direct that at someone who is just RPing their character. And if I let sad emotions take over then I just won't have fun.

 

I do feel negative emotions during RP but I see these as extensions of my character and am able to look fondly on the RPs afterwards thinking "Man, that was some GOOD IC drama!"

[Tiergan]

It's just one of those things where sometimes people make their characters very similar to themselves, living vicariously through them.  It's probably not a good idea in a setting where we can all influence the story; it's probably better for just pure storytelling on your own time.  If you're feeling too attached to your character, try developing parts of their personalities to be unlike you.  Otherwise, every insult, failure, and relationship breakup that happens in-character is going to feel like it happened to you personally.

 

Which, if that's your thing, that's fine.  It just makes OOC relationships with people a little strained when they're constantly having to alter character angles to account for your personal feelings.

 

^^^ THIS. All of this.

 

I have to be honest in that this thread kind of scares me. While I can understand being deeply moved by RP and empathising with how your character feels in the drama of the moment, it's downright problematic if you are feeling EXACTLY what your character is feeling. Ember is right in that you have to reign in what you feel and have at least some disconnect between you and your character because things I do and say to your character should only truly impact your character and not be something you take to heart as a person.

 

The other reason there 100000% NEEDS to be some kind of IC/OOC separation from what your character is feeling and what you are feeling is because, you run the strong risk of feeling IC feelings towards the OOC players behind the characters you are RPing with.

 

This is especially true with feelings of romance or hate that your character my have to other people's characters.

 

I had once had villainous character try to kill Tiergan. Tiergan hated that person with the passion of a thousand suns and wanted to slit that man's throat. That doesn't mean I as a player hated the villain-character and wanted to slit the his throat. Hell, the villainous player and I became friends. As a player, I was excited to see the dynamic unfold between his and my own. RPing together was essentially like impromptu story-writing with each other.

 

I've also RPed romances in past MMOs. My character may have been in love with another character, but that NEVER meant that I as a person was in love with the other player. I am actually extremely wary of RP romances these days, because it became a problem several times in the past when the other person often tried to live vicariously through their character and decided that because their character loved mine - they were also in love with me as a person in real life. It just gets really messy and awful so quickly.

[Eva]

Like most things, I think there's a point where at least being able to identify with your character enhances the RP experience.  I'll confess I've felt pride, anger, and I've smiled, laughed, and even shed a few tears as Eva has experienced her various ups and downs throughout Eorzea.  I liken this to the way one might relate to a character in a book, TV show, or movie and generally consider it to be a positive thing, that RP is compelling and believable and "real" enough to elicit these sort of feelings.

 

And like most things, I think there's a point where that can sometimes go too far - that place where the IC/OOC line often blurs and things can more easily be carried to a harmful place.  Where hurtful things said in-character are misinterpreted as attacks on a player, and I've witnessed a number of instances where this degree of 'overinvestment' of one's character can have a seriously negative impact on the player, damaging friendships and straining future RP.

 

I think it's important to know where that dividing line between what's real and what's fantasy.  And I've always advocated communication.  Sometimes it wrecks immersion a bit, but if there's even a slight chance that someone's going to misinterpret an unfriendly or antagonistic remark as being something that's going to cause undue player stress, it's worth shooting a quick /tell to say, "Hey even though my character thinks yours is scum, this is awesome RP and you are an awesome RPer!"

 

In short, RPers should be [and from my experiences, generally are] open-minded and open to communicating any sort of misunderstandings or misperceptions and hashing these things out so that nobody's feelings are left hurt OOCly.  Of course if hurt feelings are something that's happening often, one must ask themself if their own overinvestment in their character is the common denominator.

[K'nahli]

Unless you're a creature that lacks the ability to empathize then I don't see how you could not experience strong or harsh emotions for your characters. I have felt a variety of things through, or on behalf on my characters, even if they themselves didn't. In addition, I have also been through a lot when exposed to other characters even when I was totally uninvolved with the scene taking place or even so much as not even having ever roleplayed with the character. This is what makes RP exciting and interesting. If you couldn't feel anything from it then I don't understand why one would do it in the first place.

[Zhavi]

Unless you're a creature that lacks the ability to empathize then I don't see how you could not experience strong or harsh emotions for your characters. I have felt a variety of things through, or on behalf on my characters, even if they themselves didn't. In addition, I have also been through a lot when exposed to other characters even when I was totally uninvolved with the scene taking place or even so much as not even having ever roleplayed with the character. This is what makes RP exciting and interesting. If you couldn't feel anything from it then I don't understand why one would do it in the first place.

 

D: I'm not a creature that lacks the ability to empathize!

 

I think the key here is that different people have different things that they enjoy about any given hobby. For me, rp is generally all about the story: I have a sense of accomplishment when things reach a conclusion, I feel like I am part of the story, and I am in it for when other players write something that elicits and emotional response in me -- such as when one of my rp partners once killed the dog of her character so that the character could escape death. All of us who were in that thread had a moment of "Noooo, not the dog, why the dog?!" -- it was a beautiful, heartwrenching scene. And what Tiergan and Ignacious said.

 

Emotion is there, it just might not be the same way that you experience it. Feeling some sympathy towards a character and feeling their exact emotions are two different things.

[Jana]

It's good to feel emotions while you read and write RP; investing a bit of yourself into it will make the job you do better. Being disconnected from your character's feelings of love or hate doesn't mean being unemotional or unfeeling, it just means being able to separate IC from OOC.

[Tiergan]

Emotion is there, it just might not be the same way that you experience it. Feeling some sympathy towards a character and feeling their exact emotions are two different things.

 

Exactly this. I feel a lot of strong emotions when RPing - much stronger and intense than the ones I get from reading a good book, watching a movie, or playing a video game because I am directly in control of my character. However - I don't feel the exact same emotions as my character does. Tiergan and I are two different 'people'. When I roleplay with someone else, I want to the comfort of knowing that things Tiergan does or says will remain in the RP only and will not impact you as a real person in a really negative way.

 

If he does/says something to make your character hate him? I want to know that while your character hates mine, you as a person do not actually hate my character or me.

 

If Tiergan does/says something to make your character love him? I want to know that while your character loves him, you're not confusing your emotions and convincing yourself that you are actually also in love with me.

 

This separation is what frees me to be 100% In-Character when I RP. If the separation is not there, I have to constantly pull myself OOC to think about whether something my character does or says to yours will hurt you as a person and that personally ruins the whole point of RP for me.

 

EDIT: Bah, forgot a few words in there that were important. I shouldn't post when hungry.

[Melkire]

It comes down to, "am I in control of my emotions enough to divorce myself from my character on demand?"

 

If the answer to that question is "no", then there's a problem that needs to be addressed ASAP, because that ain't healthy.

[Ignacius]

Unless you're a creature that lacks the ability to empathize then I don't see how you could not experience strong or harsh emotions for your characters. I have felt a variety of things through, or on behalf on my characters, even if they themselves didn't. In addition, I have also been through a lot when exposed to other characters even when I was totally uninvolved with the scene taking place or even so much as not even having ever roleplayed with the character. This is what makes RP exciting and interesting. If you couldn't feel anything from it then I don't understand why one would do it in the first place.

 

I've played a character before that has nailed a woman (literally with carpenter nails) naked to a table and interrogated her by skinning a tattoo off her hip and tossing it down on her face.  He finally got her to talk by preparing to slice off her finger to show her the ring she was wearing, having her tell him it had come from her husband, and threatening to have them find her husband to torture him as well.

 

It was fun, it was tense, it was dramatic, it was absolutely 100% not something I'd ever want to empathize with.  I've had a great many heroic roleplaying characters in my time, but I've also played characters that, at various times, have burned down an orphanage after killing everyone inside, had a witness killed and disposed of in order to get a murderer acquitted, and had one character bring a yearlong forum RP thread end by killing his own fiancee on behalf of his employer after leaving his entire gang to death.

 

If you want to know what I love best about RP, it's that several of the characters I've played that have done that, I've had people feel sympathetic, friendly, and respectful towards, despite all of that.  But I would assume no one would want me to actually empathize with these characters.

 

I play characters that are very different from me, so I don't necessarily feel everything they feel.  Generally, if you're a bruiser for a local criminal syndicate, I personally feel like you've got nothing to be proud of and nothing to feel sorry about if one of your associates dies on the street.  These guys aren't me personally, though, so I have to run the RP through the lens of that character and whatever reactions they have.

 

Way more fun that way, I personally haven't killed anybody and I don't know magic.  I don't want to RP a happily married architectural designer that gets annoyed when his dogs don't get out of the way.  The fun of RP is playing someone else, often someone completely different.

[Knight Kat]

If I may be so bold as to recommend that everyone step back and take a breather. There are some insinuations in some of the posts that are a bit insulting, and that accomplishes nothing.

 

Like everything in life, RP is dependent on the individual. Their enjoyment of it hinges on how they personally go about it.

 

Some people want to play a certain type of character while others want to play a different type of character. How they should play their character depends on the person, and what they enjoy.

 

No one is unhealthy, abnormal or crazy for how they decide to enjoy a freaking harmless hobby. If you get emotionally involved in your characters, fine. It you don't, fine. It only becomes an issue if people start OOCly attacking the other person. However, just automatically assuming that will happen is jumping to a conclusion.

 

For example, Kiht Jakkya is NOT me. She is my character. Do I feel empathy with her? YES. Is she exactly like me? NO. She has some aspects of my personality, but she is at least 50% different. Am I living vicariously through her? NO. Have I ever OOCly treated someone badly for negatively effecting my character in an IC way? NO WAY. Am I in love with the player who plays the character that Kiht is in love with? Certainly NOT.

 

Just because someone can feel emotions that their characters are supposed to be feeling, doesn't mean they will think the same things that their characters are thinking. It's about discipline, and self-control. I can easily do that, but maybe not everyone can. That makes them different, not crazy. They simply need to go about RP from another angle. They need to draw their own lines, and set their own boundaries. They need to understand the difference between IC and OOC.

 

As long as everyone remains OOCly respectful and kind to everyone else, there is no reason why they shouldn't feel or play the way they want to.

[Melkire]

Maybe I should have phrased that as, "because the potential negative repercussions ain't healthy".

[Kimikimi]

In the end I think people approach the RP scene differently.

 

Whether people are like me "a complete emotional wreck" or someone that just enjoys their character adventures.

 

I somewhat enjoy the emotional roller coaster as I would not typically expirence this in a real world situation.

 

Finally however people play, what is important is to have fun, remember this is a game.

[Tiergan]

I just want to point out that I never said that people who feel exactly what their characters do are crazy or an emotional wreck. It's completely normal and VERY easy to do when you're literally crawling into the mind of the character you're creating. I did it when I first started. A lot of my friends did it when they first started. Almost everyone does it when they first start RPing.

 

It's a common enough thing that (at least when I first started RPing ages ago) separating IC and OOC was one of the big RP rules all RPers back then got taught along with not godmoding or metagaming.

 

What I WAS saying in my previous posts however, is that IC/OOC separation is insanely important because there are a lot of inherent problems if there is not some degree of separation. Finding yourself hating/loving players OOC is one potential problem that may or may not happen. Discovering that your character's emotions are strong enough that it's actually making a negative impact on your real life is another.

 

Being disciplined and having self-control means that yes, even though you empathise with your character, you do have that degree of separation. You don't let it reach a point where it can negatively affect your life.

[Knight Kat]

I just want to clarify that my post wasn't aimed at anyone in particular. I simply used words and insinuations, that I personally saw in the posts, as examples. If the insinuations were not intentional, I am sorry I misinterpreted.

 

Obviously, the topic made me a bit sensitive, and I didn't like the 'heat' I saw building in front of the OP who is obviously a newbie on the RPC. Both sides of the "argument" seemed to be loosing a bit of tact, so I felt compelled to post again.

 

I guess managing an RP plot, and the LS involved has turned me into a Mother Hen :lol:

[Alex Taja]

I just want to clarify that my post wasn't aimed at anyone in particular. I simply used words and insinuations, that I personally saw in the posts, as examples. If the insinuations were not intentional, I am sorry I misinterpreted.

 

Obviously, the topic made me a bit sensitive, and I didn't like the 'heat' I saw building in front of the OP who is obviously a newbie on the RPC. Both sides of the "argument" seemed to be loosing a bit of tact, so I felt compelled to post again.

 

I guess managing an RP plot, and the LS involved has turned me into a Mother Hen :lol:

A controversial topic indeed.