MrPoopyButtHole

--MMORPG background I started out playing Everquest and worked my way through various other MMOs (most notable WoW and FFXI) till I discovered FFXIV. I stuck through the original till most of my mates left and I unsubscribed. ARR came out and we were all impressed so we gave it a shot. I use to play Pyralis Cevas since 1.0 and his story finally came to a tragic end (big shout out to all those who RPed with me throughout the years). After taking a much needed break from FFXIV and RP I've decided to return with a brand spanking new character! --RP experience I've been RPing since I was but a wee child with my childhood friends. Eventually its developed into writing short stories, novels, forum RP, MMO RP, table top, etc etc. --Character ideas/info My new characters name is Jorund Ironheart. I'm modeling his personality somewhat on Geralt of Rivia (Witcher series). He isn't too great with people and avoids crowds since he spends most of his time traveling Eorzea and hunting tempered folks/creatures for the Grand Companies. I'm trying to make him as neutral as possible so as long as the coin is right he'll do the job (minus selling his body of course or something really morally wrong). My old characters that I still play somewhat are Naoh'a Mujuuk (Insane, lovable, kind, wacky Keeper who loves to act and lie) and Arismont Juliembert (Preacher who thinks everyone is a sinner and needs to repent. Devout worshiper to the Twelve pretty much cult like) --How did you learn about the coalition? Been a long time lurker yo. --What kind of a role-player are you aiming to be? Light, medium, or heavy? I can honestly say I enjoy all of the above. Sometimes I'm in the mood for light RP or sometimes I want to be involved heavily in a plot of any kind. --Anything from real life you're comfortable with sharing? (Work, school, hobbies, etc) I'm a lawyer so sometimes I get extremely busy and tend to disappear for a bit. Skype RP is always an option and I enjoy the slower based forum RP as well.

If you do decide to go through with this I know a certain crazy cat that would let his 'Blooker' do anything to him. Poor Naoh'a...RIP.

There was a nothingness inside of him. Growing in place where his heart and soul should be. Drifting through this barren place is what he deserved...his punishment. Just as things were getting better a small seed of doubt was planted in his mind. Or had it always been there? Waiting for the proper nutrition to grow and entangle itself throughout his core till it choked him of his beliefs and ideals. It was his fault that the seed was there to begin with. How and why was it so hard to believe the woman he loved? The woman he shared his story and life with. The woman adored and cherished above all others. We're the vines of doubt so long and eve reaching that it began to choke away his love for her? The logical side of him which he so proudly talked about was no where to be seen. Struck down and brought to his knees by the word of a man he hated. The words of a man who was a Garlean. The hatred begin to build in his stomach and chest...the thought of Evaleigh sleeping with this man...having romantic feelings for him. It made him sick with hatred for not only Halt but.....her. Never had he felt such a way for her. Even with Kale, he could not bring himself to hate the woman he loved. It still felt like floating when his eyes opened widely staring at the ceiling above. A place they called their bed. But the taste of hatred and envy filled his senses knowing that she had brought him here. The Garlean was in his house perhaps his bed. Visions of Evaleigh laying on her back as he took her over and over again....her moaning and rubbing her hands over his markings. He felt so sluggish and tired but he pushed himself up from his deep slumber. Kitchen...that's where she kept the knives. As he rose from the battle he staggered towards the kitchen, tripping and falling over his own feet. The stairs were so difficult. Before he knew it he was standing over his sleeping partner, his wife, his love.... Former love. She used his heart as if it were nothing but one of her former customers. There she slept so innocently without a care in the world. She broke his heart...she ruined him in so many ways. He hadn't lost track of the words -she- did! Pyralis Cevas raised his knife in the air aiming for the heart of his sleeping beauty. But he just couldn't do it....he couldn't bring himself to harm her no matter how much it hurt. "You can do it, my child. Let me help you." Celeste placed her hand on top of his that was holding the knife, "This is a mercy killing for her....she'll always hurt you and you'll always doubt her loyalty. She is still that whore Rhianna trained." Pyralis felt his heart sink at the words...pulling on the strings he hated to think about. The knife came down slowly no matter how he tried to resist it. She was defenseless...helpless....this wasn't him. This wasn't right. They had incredible happy moments together. He knew they loves each other. This was the woman he loved with his very being. Another hand clenched his right hand which was badly damaged, "Your mother is right son....you can do better. You can end her tyranny. With her gone...Rhianna fades away as well." Desmarius spoke to him....his uncle...the master. The sheets came off to expose her naked frame...breasts immaculate as he remembered. The knife came down quickly.....he couldn't stop it. Twelve forgive him. It pierced the flesh, she didn't make a noise, and black blood poured from her chest with his humanity joining her.

How to RP Astrologian And/Or Tarot Card for dummies. [video=youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWyHiV3l3MA

Random: Someone wants you/loved one dead! *Pyralis puts down paper and nods* Ran out of f**ks to give. Try again tomorrow.

Can also confirm that the SPANISH language exists in-game. An Elezen is teaching/flirting with a girl in the Gold Saucer and translating a Spanish word for her.

One heart beat. The sound of wings flapping drowned out everything else. Two. The roar of the dragons overhead heading to Ishgard. Three. The stinging sensation in his right hand....scarred and useless. Four... Pyralis opened his violet eyes and stared into the small fire he had built for the many cold Coerthas nights. Dragons....so many and Ishgard was under siege. He had heard such rumors but to actually witness it from a far with his own eyes. He prayed that Halone herself would defend the innocent and smite the wicked. The small tent he had built for himself was covered in the daily snowfall of Coerthas weather but at least it kept all his supplies from being ruined. It was so quiet out here now...a couple suns ago he had heard a commotion at the bird men camp as well as the roar of dragons. Bird men and dragons fighting brought a small smile to his lips. Cracked and frozen as they were it was still good to think of the Ixal being devoured by the massive beast. Five heart beats now and you still can't channel your aether anymore. The former bard's violet gaze drifted to his gloved right hand which he still hadn't regained function in. This trip was supposed to bring answers but all it did was confirm that war was coming. A war between a nation of arrogant Elezen who would watch her sister nations burn and dragonkin who probably followed some primal like the rest of the beast. The next sun he'd travel deeper into the Highlands and hopefully get more answers as to the incoming second calamity. Instinctively he reached with his left hand into his vestments to lightly trace his only means of defense...a pistol. Why did he feel like such a coward whenever he touched the damn thing? Six heart beats...have you forgotten your own words? To protect all life wisely. Never give up your own life for frivolous reasons. Living is harder than dying. Pyralis let out a heavy pained sigh and nodded, the truth hurt. Seven heart beats....Kiht? The Keeper's voice came out over the pearl and suddenly he felt his heart drop into his stomach. Why the bloody hells was she out here when she herself warned him about coming? Why was she---she's stubborn and she is a Jakkya. That summoned it all up as to why she was out here in the frozen tundra. Before Pyralis even had a chance to respond he heard the pearl cut off. Panic, worry, run around screaming....none of these things would help. Before he was a bard he was a slaver. He could track, he could hunt, he could find whoever it was he needed given a few bells. Kiht was in trouble and it was his obligation to protect all life at all cost. Without giving it so much as a second thought he packed his first aid kit, food, water, wine, potions, and spare bullets. Within half a bell he was already in hunter mode searching for the woman he....searching for Kiht. Ears to the floor and eyes to the sky...she couldn't be too hard to find...right?

Pyralis has crushes on the following: People that have all their limbs and are alive And Kage.

Love you too bebe :love:

His next book will be "The Lonely Man's Guide to Love: Country Miqo'te Meets the City" (Romantic Novella dedicated to Kage)

Wow! Thank you all for the feedback and tips! I will definitely being going thisite route! So feel free to use any said titles in your rps! Happy rping!

Ello folks! After playing Dragon Age all over again (including DAI) I want to have my character (who is a bard) release books to the Hydaelyn public. I got the idea from Varric who is always releasing various tales and novellas to the public (High on Hardtown for example). So I wouldn't use my characters real name and instead a pen name. Ser Ralip Grayen is a small time author releasing everything from historical text of The Shroud to dirty smut. Some of his famous titles are as follows: 50 Shades of Roe (Erotic novella) The Voidsent Within (Science Fiction) The Long Kiss Goodbye (Romantic Novella) The Black Shroud: Secrets of the Trees (Historical text) How to Lose Gil and Alienate People (Comedy Novella) Letters to my Father (Drama Novella) The Art of Slavery (Historical Text) I love you, please die (Romantic Comedy Novella) When the Twelve Slumber (Erotic Novella) Okay but seriously what do you people think? Plausible to have an author releasing various titles to the public?

It was an awful thing to get accustomed to a smell, truly. When he backed away and turned his back on her he sucked in some air and chewed on his lower lip now that she could only see the back of his head. Zhavi was hard as the shell of a tortoise and while he knew he rattled her, she was still always on top of her game. It was an appreciation for another artist albeit a different form. He could seduce the pants off any woman but Zhavi was immune to ‘charms’ and advances. A part of him was glad and a part of him did in fact want to add a notch to his belt. “Ah I’ll get to it dear; just wanted to remember your aroma one last time before I give this list a read to you. Any chance I can prolong our stays together makes my heart skip a beat.” Pyralis reached down for the list and plopped back down on her cot crossing his legs in as he cleared his throat and began to read. “Lady Genifer Hawke. Female Midlander with black hair, large nose, large bust, and large teeth. Rumored to have a tendency to hang around the wench drinking her sorrows away as she misses her late husband. A supplier of food and poisons.” Pyralis pulled his gaze up smiling at Zhavi, “Not the best of combinations. He continued after clearing his throat, “Ser Illiad Lorental. Elezen Duskwight with a muscular athletic body, green hair, scars on both of his cheeks. Rumored to have a house somewhere near a farm in La Noscea. Deals with weaponry.” Pyralis pulled his gaze up again to Zhavi, “ I can picture you banging a Duskwight…you seem the type.” He read off the last name sounding bored, “Ser and/or Lady Mototo. Dunesfolk with such beautiful features it is hard to determine their gender. Rumored to have fascination with chocobo breeding and, drumroll, the dark arts. Deals in magical runes and weaponry.” Pyralis set the note aside and sucked on his teeth smiling at Zhavi, “Find them and give me their locations as soon as possible. I’ll pay you extra if you bind them and deliver them to me. All of these vendors were given to my employer by a female Hyur contact. I’m still collecting information on her and she’ll figure all my time.” He scratched at his cheek and looked to Zhavi with a devious smile, “Are you sure that is all I can do for you, dear?”

Kudos to everyone involved in Pyralis's year long story arc that is finally coming to an end Saturday. Meyla (Jupi), Evaleigh, Xao, Nheu'a, Atticus, Lena, Wuot, Rinh'li, R'shesha, everyone in the Reclaimers, Everyone in Clan, Everyone in Pillow Fort, everyone that I've missed because the list is so long. It has been a blast and I'll miss running stories with you all! Kudos to everyone in Ul'dah who has tolerated Naoh'a Mujuuk's insanity. He really is a nice guy just completely bonkers and wacky. Kudos to Zhavi for reigniting my passion for forum RP. I'm thoroughly enjoying our little story. Lastly, Kudos to you for reading this. We should mate.

The hand tangled in his ear made his eyes go wide only slightly before realizing that this woman did not back down. Her reputation proceeds her. The choices of how to respond and how to act start playing through his mind. Even if he could take it further, he didn't know if his stomach and nose could handle much more. The thumb that grazed her lip moved towards her chin as each digit locked around it to give it a firm squeeze, "You'll get your coin. But as much as I'd love to continue this, believe me I would, I have a letter to read to you, aye?" He'd release his grip from her chin and try to step back some if she allowed him to.

And the bemused smile was back on his lips, how far could he take it before she decided to hit him. Might as well push the envelope to test her limits. If she did take the job he was sure she'd be subjected to worse things than him trying to twist and pull all of her little tells. "No, No, -Zhavi-. You are far from a doxy. I'll read it to you regardless and the coin means little to me so you can keep it." He studied the leer, the tension, the irritation carefully. The amount of enjoyment he was getting out of this was far too good. "A notch in the belt is hardly what I'd call it, -Zhavi-." He decided to test her ability to handle touch, now studying her face and body more carefully as his eyes roamed throughout her features. He would bring his calloused thumb to her lower lip and try to gently run it across it till he was at the corner of her mouth. If she pulled away he'd simply stand there with smirking as if he had won.

Most women cared about the way they smelled but he remembered she was not like most women as the odor of Limsa's worst invaded his senses. When he thought he would falter he closed his eyes, steeled his stomach and inhaled deeply to let out a fake content sigh after, "Women like you are hard to come by. They care little for appearances, are strong willed, and intoxicating on how they present themselves." Once he felt the initial waves of the foul smells pass he opened his eyes to continue looking at her with a playful, lustful gaze as he smirked, "You laugh because you think I'm not serious but I'd sooner take you to bed than any pretty whore Grace has at her stable." He'd try to move in close and place his hands quickly on the wall to try and trap her in as he cooed softly at her, "I'll read you that letter if you promise me a passionate kiss." The words came out as truthful as he could make them and his violet eyes would be locked on her own as his body language remained relaxed. Meanwhile, his nostrils and stomach were cursing at him for the torture.

An even broader grin appeared on his lips the moment she called him lovely, the game had begun. With a quick glance over her body he pushed himself up to stand at his full height of six fulms and two ilms and gave his lips a quick lick to moisten them, “Well, well…I could very well read it to you but ‘fraid that’ll cost ya. My time, like yours, is quite valuable.” Slowly he ran a hand through his silver locks putting on a lustful gaze as his eyes once again wandered her body and he took two slow, calculated steps towards her, “Say I read you the letter…what can you offer me?” One hand rose up to gently stroke his own chin in thought as the other moved to his stomach and lightly tapped his index finger against it. He took another careful two steps towards her hoping to get into her personal space. Only one person was allowed to be comfortable. That person was the bard.

The bemused smirk finally vanished as he put on a neutral expression and spoke now in a soft tone, "I am no amateur. The moment I ask one of the others in Limsa who I have no prior relationship with the individuals will get spooked and scared off. You are the only one I've approached Zhavi." He kept his eyes on her to ensure she didn't try anything funny as one hand traveled down to his jacket pocket and pulled out a letter with with a bloody thumbprint sealing it. The games could continue later but it was time for business as his posturing looked more serious and uneasy as he set the letter down next to the bag of gil. "These men that sold my employers various 'goods' tipped off an enemy of ours. Burnt down the caravan, slaughtered all the individuals escorting it, and even used kids as decoys. I'll spare you the gory details of what I found but I can promise you they are not the kind of scum you'd like to associate with." He pulled out a spare linkpearl decorated as a cactuar and set it on top of the letter, "If you can't read, ask someone you -truly- trust to read it to you and burn it afterwards. The only thing I want is locations of the names on said paper." When he finished his speech his posture went back to a relaxed, playful one as he began to dust off his pants and shirt, "Even in a book of lies you find truth, Zhavi. Don't fuck me on this one, savvy?" The large bemused smirk coming back to his lips as his eyes held his gaze on her.

Slowly his gaze moved up from her feet to her face as the soft frown slowly disappeared and was replaced with a bemused smirk. The woman never did trust him but could he blame her? So many open lies with hints of truth sprinkled in between would make anyone untrustworthy. “Ah~Zhavi how I’ve missed your insults while I’ve been in-sluts. Spare me the quips and tell me whether or not you want to make some easy coin for a few suns work.” The false front of worry, anxiety, and frustration he had put up previously was slipping away as he simply looked to her bored and slightly agitated, “If my count is right I’m at 62 right now.” He was of course referring to the amount of times he could have ‘made’ her from their previous encounters. A gentle reminder of who he was, but a threat none the less.

It took all but a moment to pass for him to gather his wits and put on a neutral expression and calm his body language down. He focused his eyes on all her little tells and took mental notes of each. Hyur at least had an easier time hiding such expressions but Miqo’te with their ears and tails and that temperament…too easy. But she bought into his worry and disappointed expression so he put on the slightest frown and tapped each foot uneasily to show he was hesitating, nervous, or anxious. Always best to let the person believe they had the upper hand after all. “This is just for listening; a small token of my thanks as well as my employers.” Instead of tossing the gil to her, he would set the pouch to the side within arm’s reach of him. If she wanted it, she’d have to come get it. “I can flatter you with pretty lies about how amazing and pretty you are but I’ll get right to it, aye? I need eyes and ears in Limsa. Someone has loose lips and sticky fingers. I need you to try and find this or these people so I can sew their lips shut and remove the fingers that grab what doesn’t belong to them. Name your offer, Zhavi. You know I’m good for it.” Pyralis crossed his arms while chewing his lip to show his unease with the situation and averted his eyes from her face to look down at her feet. Zhavi was good though, perhaps she’d be able to see past the fake posturing.

It wasn't the response he was expecting and when she turned ton leave a rare frown finally appeared on his lips. Quickly, he bounced up out of his seat and called out to her before she left, "Wait! Zhavi! I need you...I have a job that pays coin and you know Limsa better than anyone else I know." He reached into his pocket to pull out a small bag of Gil and shake it so she could hear it's contents, "This is just for listening!" The usual well tempered controlled bard had slipped and his face was in a frown and full of worry. One hand holding gil and the other in the air in a non-threatening manner.

He took note of her body language, her facial expression, all the fine little twitches that made a person who they were. A small smirk appeared on his lips as he sucked his teeth and leaned back to give himself more space, "Ah~ is this the part where you come straddle me in my lap? Should I open a bottle of wine or should we just skip to the fun part?" The violent eyes of the bard scanned her body up and down assessing to see if she had any weapons on her and if she had any outstanding wounds to be exploited if the woman decided to attack. With a quick flick of his eyes he looked back to her face and the grin grew larger, "Oh sweet street urchin. Can't an innocent man such as myself say hello to a dear friend? As for following you...I just -love- to watch you walk, dear." A hand rose up as if to brush her sides before going back to run through his hair as he kept his intense gaze locked on her.

Pyralis was relaxed as he continued to pick at his nails with the dagger. With the quickest gaze he looked up to her with a flat expression as if she weren't important before looking back to his nails. He let the silence build for a moment and when she looked like she was about to speak he would interject in an almost mocking tone, "Ah~ you remember the suns when you use to love me? How you so desired I took you to the sheets and made you realize that the Twelve were in fact real? I miss those suns sweet, putrid street urchin." With a playful flick of the dagger as if he were going to toss it her way he tucked it into its sheath as his side. A final devious smirk appearing on his lips as he looked around her 'home', "My, my...I'd say this place is fit for a King who was dethroned by a mob of lalafell rogues." A hand came up to run through his fine silver hair as he crossed his legs and leant forward to place an elbow on his thigh and closed fist to his chin, "I've done enough talking haven't I? Did you miss me, dear?"

Pyralis hadn't seen the Miqo'te for quite some time and the smallest part of him missed her. One job, one botched job at that, and they had parted ways without another word. The street cat was useful to him; especially with the need for eyes in such crucial times. But was this really about work or was it just an act to toy with Zhavi? A mischievous grin crossed his lips as he sat in her home while picking under his nails with a dagger. It wasn't too difficult to fine, well that wasn't entirely true. He didn't want to tip his hand by paying off someone to tell him the location so he painfully had to throw on various disguises and try to follow the nimble Miqo'te. It was difficult enough trying to find the woman while dressed up like a beggar. The smell was still lingering on his clothing and it bothered his usual clean self immensely. This would all be worth it though. To see that -lovely- look on Zhavi's face when she walked in and saw the man of her dreams. Or was it nightmare? He toyed with the dagger picking at his nails and waited...