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honeystarbit

Advice on keeping role-players invested and even make friends?

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I've been trying to make contacts on FFXIV for a while now. From world visiting, making carrds, going to taverns and approaching people, and attending fun events. It always goes quite lovely and just peaches and cream for a bit. People are nice to me, we get along well with similar interests and chit chat. I really like their character and they even compliment mine back. 

 

However, every time. Every single time I wait for a response after two days of contact OOCly or at most a week...they never talk to me again. They disappear despite my openness for more or a continuing of scenes. 

 

I understand people have things going on. I truly want people to put their real life first and then the game/RPing. I always reassure my partners that if you need to take a break there is no issue. But lots of times...they are online after many days of no reply back of any kind. Not even a hello, explanation of where they went, or a reply of their character (if it's on Discord). I hate poking and reminding people since I don't like to bother, but even when I do I am still ignored or removed from the friend list.

 

It's just so confusing because they seem like they enjoy casually chatting or the little adventure we are doing. They don't give any clues or reasons to simply leave. One of my characters even was asked to go on a date after they knew each other for quite some time...but then never wanted to do anything unless it involved more...mature themes. And even those were one reply per 3-7 days. 

 

Yesterday, I sent my RP information to three people with only one response back. 

 

I'm sorry if this sounds awful or weird. I'm honestly just so broken that I've really put my heart into this and all I truly want is to make some friends. It just is quite painful to not understand what I'm doing wrong and the couple of times I ask, I get as a reply "Oh no, you're good!". 

 

I'm not asking for any pity or comfort. Sure that can help because I'm quite far away from people I know so I can't easily receive that. But please don't believe this to be something to only receive sympathy. I really just want to know of any advice or perhaps I'm doing something wrong? Are people just not interested in FFXIV rping and I should give up? Or maybe I should just push myself to not worry too much and take this all the more casually? Any response is greatly appreciated.

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First off I think we all need to remember that we're in a pre-expansion lull right now; there isn't much to log into the game for beyond RP which can be a factor in people disappearing.
It's a pretty common trend that I remember happening with HW and SB pre-expansion times as well, things go a bit more quiet and people vanish.

I think there's always a tendency for people to fade though, and as sucky as it might be I really do need to tell you that this is a pretty common experience- at least from what I can tell.

I tend to say that persistence pays off; it takes a long time to find and build up the relations that form friendships to last.

 

My own tips, beyond what you are already doing would be;
- Join a Free Company if you aren't in one already. Alternatively, if you're not finding RP where you are, you may need to consider moving- aim for an FC that is either a promising upstart or one that has been around for ~6months and has regular (from reading your post, I'd suggest weekly) events. Then attend everything that FC dishes up religiously. Be open and approaching in your engagement & avoid putting yourself in a corner.

- Review your hooks. If people aren't coming back, in the event it does have something to do with your character, it may be because they don't quite know how to hook a second encounter. Assume that people aren't going to read your profiles; some will and they're great & definitely worth it, but sometimes you really need to slap the hook in people's face. Instead of asking if people would generally like to RP again, mention that you want to do something specific, and (gently) push for a day to do it on.

- I know you mention you're going to events, but consider becoming a regular at a few core events. Pick a bar that you enjoyed and prioritize going there; you'll be more recognizeable to the event staff which may lead to additional RP. If you have the time and a character suitable, offer to volunteer at an event, it isn't always a high-pressure thing & can get you some good connections + you connect with people oocly about the purpose of making the event go smooth.

 

But most importantly, don't give up. Shadowbringers is right around the corner, and the new content will bring about a wealth of new opportunities and a slew of new characters (Viera/Hrothgars) that are starting from scratch; needing exposure to RP and friends.

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2 hours ago, Maril said:

- Join a Free Company if you aren't in one already. Alternatively, if you're not finding RP where you are, you may need to consider moving- aim for an FC that is either a promising upstart or one that has been around for ~6months and has regular (from reading your post, I'd suggest weekly) events. Then attend everything that FC dishes up religiously. Be open and approaching in your engagement & avoid putting yourself in a corner.

 

This, by far, is likely the best advice. People tend to get super flakey when interacting outside of their own circles. The best way to remedy that is to put yourself into a circle with which you can regularly interact. Find a group of people with which you can build a story and truly develop your characters together. With that, you get the likely added benefit of making decent friends ooc as well.

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Thank you for the advice. It means a lot since I've been feeling kinda hopeless. I will keep these things in mind!

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Random RP is relatively easy for a few sessions, but things will become stale unless new topics of discussion present themselves. A relationship needs to develop, or your own character needs to change in some way. You'd have to be extremely gifted at small talk to keep things fun otherwise.

 

When it comes to actually making those things happen, its tough, because mutual interest isn't enough. Someone has to lead the narrative. Most don't feel comfortable otherwise, either because they've been burned in the past, they're afraid / self-conscious, or time just gets away from them as they try to push things along themselves.

 

Either way, most likely it isn't anything you're doing wrong personally. Its just very common in RP that people tend to be a bit flakey, for whatever reason. I don't really have any concrete advice, because its a problem everyone deals with, from novice to long time veteran.

-Being in an FC helps, but even then I find that unless the FC's 'plot' forces players together, it can wind up the same way, with a lot of mutual interest but no actual planning.

-Outline your characters plot, or think of significant events you, the writer, want to happen to the character, then see how those around you might fit into that.

-Also, figure out how your character can fit into other character's plots.

-Build a relationship OOC. Being creative, especially with another person, is a vulnerable, intimate thing to do. There has to be some level of trust with the other person so they feel comfortable. the more comfortable they are with you, the more likely they'll open up in RP.

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Posted (edited)

I'm always in need of new minions.

 

You're not doing anything wrong. As mentioned above, pre-expansion lull, IRL stuff, general flakiness, etc. Just gotta keep at it until you find yourself a consistent group. It's like herding cats.

Edited by Darshendros the Eternal

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