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Gender Taboo?


Eki

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Before I move on to asking my question, and since I feel a little paranoid posting this, I want to make note that I am simply trying to further my understanding of the roleplaying community on FFXIV, and perhaps gain some insight in to RP communities in general. Moreover, I tried finding similar topics but failed. Likely do to word choice.

Anyway. I've been playing for a bit now, but have yet to engage in roleplaying. Not for any particular reason outside of introversion on my part. In said time, I've kind of developed a question based on outside influences. That being, is there any kind of taboo when it comes to what gender a person is outside of their character, and with what their character is? Females playing male characters, males playing female characters, etc. In past experiences - not on ffxiv - there have been people who've flat out refused to RP with a person because their OOC form was different to their IC one. Pretty much all I've seen in-game has leaned on the community being kind, welcoming, and absolutely open. Though I fear I can't tell if this is a guise and the disapproval is something known only to the more experienced.

I apologize, as well, if this was worded strangely. I really don't know how else to put it.

Edited by Eki
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There's always going to be someone who's a little irked by that sort of thing, but honestly? I'd say a healthy deal of people in the community play a character who doesn't match their gender. I'm a guy who plays a fairly motherly woman, as an example, and I've never really had any issue regarding it. Just play what you like. If someone's got an issue with it OOC and they can't be reasoned with/don't like the idea/are unable to compromise? That's fine. Their prerogative. 

 

You can decide to part ways in a polite and respectful manner and find people who don't mind, in kind. The community's a pretty big place. If you find a person or group who doesn't accept what you're doing? You'll still have plenty of options available to you. What's important is being happy with what you're doing and finding compromises with those you enjoy spending your time with in both an OOC and IC fashion, because communication is one of the most valuable skills an RPer has.

Edited by Gerel Kha
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I have to say, in recent years I've found myself most often in situations where most of the people I was RPing with were playing characters of the opposite sex to their RL one. I have never had a problem with it even back in the days when it was more scarce, and I was fortunate enough to find myself in communities where it wasn't an issue.

I daresay that the bigger the player population, the more likely one is to find people who are irked by such a thing, but there's not really much one can do about it. Just part of the law of big numbers. And unless it comes down to harassment, it's not really a problem either. Afterall everyone's entitled to their opinions and tastes.

But again, in my personal experience it's not an issue at all, actually more the norm than anything else.

 

6 hours ago, Gerel Kha said:

You can decide to part ways in a polite and respectful manner and find people who don't mind, in kind. The community's a pretty big place. If you find a person or group who doesn't accept what you're doing? You'll still have plenty of options available to you. What's important is being happy with what you're doing and finding compromises with those you enjoy spending your time with in both an OOC and IC fashion, because communication is one of the most valuable skills an RPer has.

^This. So much this. It should really be the basis of common sense, and not just online.

 

There's also something about the old saying that just being true to oneself you will surely end up among likeminded people, sooner or later. So, it really isn't worth worrying on what some might think. As Gerel said, do what you find fun and enjoyable, the people who won't mind and will want to share it will stick with you in the end. ;)

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Thank you both! I appreciate the enlightenment. I'm not entirely sure why I thought it was/would be a bigger deal than it is, especially since plenty of others are apparently doing the same. Beyond that, like I'd said originally, I've only experienced the positive side of the community thus far, all of which has been OOC.

8 hours ago, Gerel Kha said:

What's important is being happy with what you're doing and finding compromises with those you enjoy spending your time with in both an OOC and IC fashion, because communication is one of the most valuable skills an RPer has.

 

1 hour ago, UnidessGaming said:

There's also something about the old saying that just being true to oneself you will surely end up among likeminded people, sooner or later. So, it really isn't worth worrying on what some might think. As Gerel said, do what you find fun and enjoyable, the people who won't mind and will want to share it will stick with you in the end. ;)


I think I'd forgotten that as well. Roleplaying in general had become a task more than something to enjoy and find entertainment with. The constant feeling that a slip up would spell ruination for everyone. The idea of displeasing those people irked by such things taking precedent over the ones who are okay with it. At the end of the day, just need to let loose. So again, I thank you for helping me come to this realization!

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20 years ago, when MMOs were first coming to be... yeah, you could find a lot of people who got worked up if the character didn't match the player.

 

Today, in my experience, almost no one cares. Probably at least 50% of the characters you see running around are being played by someone of the opposite gender.

 

The only time it might become an issue is if your character becomes involved in an intimate relationship. Some few can still get a little weirded out about it. IF you think your character might be headed that way, just be sure the other player is okay with it.

 

Of course the other option is simply do not reveal what you are in real life. It's not anyone else's business anyway. We're here to have fun, so have fun!

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On 9/5/2019 at 3:40 PM, Tregarde said:

The only time it might become an issue is if your character becomes involved in an intimate relationship. Some few can still get a little weirded out about it. IF you think your character might be headed that way, just be sure the other player is okay with it.

 

 

So much this. As long as both people are ok with it, it's fine.

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On 9/8/2019 at 1:19 PM, Atla said:

 

So much this. As long as both people are ok with it, it's fine.

 

On 9/5/2019 at 2:40 PM, Tregarde said:

20 years ago, when MMOs were first coming to be... yeah, you could find a lot of people who got worked up if the character didn't match the player.

 

Today, in my experience, almost no one cares. Probably at least 50% of the characters you see running around are being played by someone of the opposite gender.

 

The only time it might become an issue is if your character becomes involved in an intimate relationship. Some few can still get a little weirded out about it. IF you think your character might be headed that way, just be sure the other player is okay with it.

 

Of course the other option is simply do not reveal what you are in real life. It's not anyone else's business anyway. We're here to have fun, so have fun!


Been away a bit. But, thank you both as well! That might've played a part in it. I guess I've only ever seen those against it. In any case, here's to roleplaying whatever way makes it enjoyable.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I can't say for others really, but for myself I do not generally have any problems with what gender anyone wants to RP as.

 

For me all that matters is that they're not doing it to be offensive or sexist (in the case of female characters, I'm more particular due to personal discomforts/traumas).

 

For example if someone is playing a character in RP in a very degrading way that hints that they OOCly may enjoy seeing things like domestic abuse or sexual assault... though others may not mind it or even enjoy it, I would avoid this kind of RPer myself as it's very uncomfortable and offensive for me to have to sit through, and even far moreso when it's someone I know is of the opposite gender, then at least in my mind, is more likely to be fetishizing the situation and comes off as really sexist to me.

 

I mean, for me, the same also applies to other things like race. 

For example when someone who isn't Asian is Roleplaying as an Asian character, and I might find their portrayal offensive if they sound like they're being very insensitive like using many stereotypes, because I'm Asian myself IRL. Though, most of the time it's just minor not really harmful things such as using really cheesy Japanese names for anime role plays, so I just eye-roll and tolerate it...

 

Otherwise, for regular RP not dealing with any sensitive topics or offensive portrayals, I do not care at all.

Edited by Kohagura
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  • 4 weeks later...
On 9/1/2019 at 11:21 AM, Eki said:

Females playing male characters, males playing female characters, etc. In past experiences - not on ffxiv - there have been people who've flat out refused to RP with a person because their OOC form was different to their IC one.

 

This (amongst some other issues) made me quit all roleplay communities over six years ago now. I used to roleplay in a community (not going to mention which one, but I know I'm not the only person who experienced this within this community) that was grossly homophobic, any queer male character I made would be instantly perma'd. So, I would have to roleplay a female character in order to actually roleplay. After being in this community for a few years, and becoming OOC friends with people. I expressed that I was male and gay to people I thought I could confide in within this community, which just resulted in me being doxed and receiving death threats.

 

It's a pretty severe case, I'm glad to see communities are becoming more welcoming to minority groups, but I'm still naturally cautious.

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there have been people who've flat out refused to RP with a person because their OOC form was different to their IC one.

This sounds honestly like a self-solving problem.

If someone has such an issue with roleplayers RPing as different genders than how they ID IRL, then you probably don't WANT to rp with them in the first place.

I, personally, roleplay as an Elezen. Despite me being a squishy potato human IRL. People don't find that odd. If people found it odd, and said I must RP as a human because that's the only way I can truly relate to a character, then I don't want to RP with them.

 

The ONLY justification I can see for people getting so passionate about this is if the cross-gender roleplayer is making a mockery of certain gendered issues. And that's not an RP issue, that's just someone being a jerk.

 

 

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While I'm not deep within the roleplay community on FFXIV, I am a female who plays mostly--if not solely--male characters. In fact my main is a male. The only time my IRL gender has been an issue, and I use this word lightly, is when my character is being flirted with, but the intention of the other person was to flirt with me and not my character. So of course, this warranted me being up front with them. If I do feel like disclosing my gender, the only response I ever get is just a surprised "Oh!" or "I wouldn't have guessed!". In the case of the flirts, they may not speak to me as frequently anymore, but I don't feel any hostility from them either. I also have a lot of people on my friend list that are men and play female characters, so it's pretty common at least. 

 

I have noticed, in the past that some people do have a preference. For example, a male character who is looking for another male to romance might ask for the IRL person/player to be male as well. Though I haven't seen this recently. If someone happens to have an issue with the gender of the character you're playing in regards to yourself, then it's really not worth the headache to converse with them about the subject. Also you never have to explain why either, though they'll certainly ask.

 

Like the others have said, FFXIV is very welcoming, but from time to time you will encounter some unhappy individuals. That's just the way of the world though. Best of luck out there, and don't be afraid to make connections!

Edited by Blight
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