The How To Help Newbie RPers In Making Connections Forum

[Tiergan]

I broke it off from the RPC and You thread because Osric was sad.

 

:V

 

snip

 

I guess I don't feel like it has to be some sort of IC hook up alone where we serve up the RP to someone, but more like a friendly resource they can feel comfortable to approach and talk to. I don't know, I guess to me one friend goes a long way in at least getting the foot in the door. Perhaps, I am a bit idealist!

Perhaps I'm just worried that it sets a bad or false precedent on what to expect. It should go without saying that everyone ought to make an effort to be more inclusive and receptive, especially when RP'ing in public.

 

I agree with you.

 

I also recognize that many of us are so swamped for time that we can't be there for the new people. I can't speak for anyone else, but between a 40 hour work week, a three-hour commute every day to-and-from, any time I sink into PvE, time spent on FC RP, time spent on event RP, time randomly spent roaming Thanalan/insert-region-here, and the regular and not-so-regular demands of my own life, I can't be as inclusive as someone who has the time to dedicate and say, "I can be there to work with new people."

 

We all have differing lifestyles that affect how inclusive and receptive we can be. If we're RPing in public, yes, we should make an effort to be inclusive and receptive. But just because the midlander in the sipahi turban and Immortal Flames jerkin is just standing around watching the Quicksand doesn't mean he isn't juggling two different conversations under his breath over two different linkpearls while scanning the crowd for a potential informant who he needs to somehow slip some coin so he can get some dirt on the latest scum to find their way into this city, and hey, guess what, if that's what he's doing, he's not going to have time to sit down and discuss chocobo breeding with the latest Miqo'te who just randomly walked up to him to try and be friendly. This has very little to do with OoC inclusiveness/receptiveness and everything to do with the story of that character at that moment.

 

But you know what? That Wildwood Elezen lass over that-a-way, she's DEFINITELY down for that sort of thing, and she's got nothing else on her plate at the moment, and boy oh boy did you know that if you invest in the proper feed....

 

 

EDIT:

 

There's also the trouble with characters who are, for story purposes, more or less region-locked.

 

EDIT 2:

 

Please resume original discussion(s). ; ;

 

Sophia's concerns and what Osric mentioned here are why I definitely am against the idea of actually assigning designated mentors. Assigning a role places too much of the burden of responsibility on the shoulders of others and availability/mental-state/RP priorities change all the time. It's also needlessly complicated and encourages unrealistic expectations.

 

I really think all we literally need is just for people to ask themselves:

 

1) Do I actually WANT to RP with this new person that just posted this "RP with me" thread? (AKA: Do I want to make a new friend? Does it seem like both of us would have fun? Does our RP align? )

 

2) Am I FREE to RP with this new person that just posted this "RP with me" thread? (AKA: Do I have freetime I want to spend with a new friend after all my real-life/in-game obligations? Am I not choked by outside projects that consume all my time?)

 

3) Are you in the right place right now to make a new RP friend? (Am I free of stress/sad-feels and am in a good mental state to meet with new shiny people?)

 

If the answer to all questions is "Yes" - awesome! All that's really needed now is that when you say "I'd be happy to RP with you." in someone's thread - try to make the effort to also hit them up with a PM with your availability so you guys can sync up and RP instead of just simply saying "I'd be happy to RP with you if you run into me in game!" and leaving it at that.

 

If the answer to one of the questions is "No"- that's still OK! This doesn't make you or anyone else a bad person or a person who is not supportive of welcoming new RPers or a cliquish elitist dork. It just means you can't do it right now or you're not in a good place for making new friends, etc, etc. I most definitely can't answer yes to all the questions right now because I have painfully little freetime, the job hunt is murder, and when I do log in, I'm usually exhausted. If someone wants to tell me that I'm a horrible person for spending what little free time I have doing what I need to unwind, then they're poops.

 

But when I DO actually make an effort to post in a thread "Hey, I'd be happy to RP with you" - I also make it a point now to send a PM to that person and chat about availability (or at least tell them I'm interested but will not really be free until [x]-date in my current case to show I'm interested, but busy as hell and will poke them again later.)

 

Then when I actually meet with someone - I don't treat it like a mentorship. I just treat it like just regular old RP. Anyone who wants me to hold their hand and spoon-feed them RP is going to be sorely disappointed, but anyone who just wants a fun casual RP interaction with my character and a possible IC friendship/rivalry/etc will hopefully jive with me just fine.

[Magellan]

My idea? And I've thought about starting it already, but truth be told I have my hands in so many pots already...

 

Start a 'Making Connections' Linkshell. It'd be people GENUINELY interested in helping new or shy rpers link up.... and then said new or shy rpers.

 

It'd be an OOC LS, where people could look out for each other; answer questions about rp, try to help people get established, and find each other based off of shared interests n such.

[Tiergan]

My only concern with that is that there are similar linkshells revolving around getting RPers together for RP and they often grow stagnant with time. There's no real way to 'enforce' anything and enforcing something also means someone is probably not having fun. People should interact together because they want to or because they really do just want to make new friends.

[Domri Blackblade]

I have no room for linkshells unfortunately, so that idea wouldn't be something I could hop on regardless. I agree though, if you post in someone's thread, it goes a long way to reach out to them.

[Kellach Woods]

I'm curious as to how many people posted in new people's threads and ended up never doing anything with them. There's no real follow-through and think about how much of a dickwad you'll feel about calling other people out on it.

[Nebbs]

I'm curious as to how many people posted in new people's threads and ended up never doing anything with them. There's no real follow-through and think about how much of a dickwad you'll feel about calling other people out on it.

 

I have a search macro I use and I add their names to it, I then check every so often. However, the miss rate is higher than the hit rate. Then when you spot someone there is still the chance that neither is available. At least I can send them a tell and a friendly word of we can't get the RP to suit.

 

So even with the best will it can be low. 

 

I would also applaud people intent to RP, it shows that there is a willingness to do so and even of only a few make it to the RP it i still welcoming and positive.

[Brynhilde]

I'm curious as to how many people posted in new people's threads and ended up never doing anything with them. There's no real follow-through and think about how much of a dickwad you'll feel about calling other people out on it.

 

I have a search macro I use and I add their names to it, I then check every so often. However, the miss rate is higher than the hit rate. Then when you spot someone there is still the chance that neither is available. At least I can send them a tell and a friendly word of we can't get the RP to suit.

 

So even with the best will it can be low. 

 

I would also applaud people intent to RP, it shows that there is a willingness to do so and even of only a few make it to the RP it i still welcoming and positive.

 

 

I don't suppose I could bother you for a copy of that macro?

[Nebbs]

Here is the search macro..

/search forename "firstname1"

/search forename "firstname2"

/search forename "firstname3"

/e firstname1 secondname1/firestname2 secondname2/firstname3 secondname3/

 

 

It will open the search window and search for the persons with a first name of "firestname1", wait 3 seconds and then proceed to search for the next and then the next etc..

 

The "/e" echoes the full names so you can see them, as sometimes you get several responses from the search. This was useful when I had many (like 10) people in the list, such as people who wanted to join a LS and I can't remember so many names..

 

Run it and just watch who flashes up, then you can do a manual search for that one.

 

[edit] I do have a gSheet setup to auto populate this macro from a list of names if anyone wants. Useful if you are dealing with many names that change often.

[ArmachiA]

Most of my connections come from the NB Itself or people who roleplay with other people in the NB . It's not that I'm bad at connections, it's just the NB seriously takes up a lot of my time.

 

Even a veteran roleplayer would love to meet new people. Who ever had the idea of basic events that the rpc could regularly attend kind of had the right of it. The Grindstone, for instance, has turned itself in to an RP community ran juncture instead of a specific FC's event and it's all the better for it. I'd like to see more things like the Grindstone. I remember many many moons ago an attempt to make Wineport an RP hub like environment like the Grindstone, BUT Coil was there and that messed everything up haha.

 

No FC houses, places that are neutral and easily available will help get people RPing with each other. Maybe find some kind of activity that forces people to rp outside their group (Like the Grindstone does). If these events seem nuetral and easily accessible even new people can go and meet some old people.

 

My only concern with that is that there are similar linkshells revolving around getting RPers together for RP and they often grow stagnant with time. There's no real way to 'enforce' anything and enforcing something also means someone is probably not having fun. People should interact together because they want to or because they really do just want to make new friends.

 

This is true. I've been in a few "Looking for RP" ls's and they... never looked for rp. Idle ooc chitchat with nothing ever getting done. It was discouraging and I ended up giving up on the idea of finding one

[Nebbs]

 

My only concern with that is that there are similar linkshells revolving around getting RPers together for RP and they often grow stagnant with time. There's no real way to 'enforce' anything and enforcing something also means someone is probably not having fun.  People should interact together because they want to or because they really do just want to make new friends.

 

This is true. I've been in a few "Looking for RP" ls's and they... never looked for rp. Idle ooc chitchat with nothing ever getting done. It was discouraging and I ended up giving up on the idea of finding one

 

I'd go further and say that most RP based LS dry up or don't get going. The "chatter" is what keeps them alive between any RP related talk. I came to the conclusion you need to embrace a wider scope to create a community that sustains. Even then there is an aspect of the 1:10:100 rule, where only a few initiate, others respond but most lurk.

 

Also I think some people LFRP then settle down when they find it, so it takes a special sort to actively want to meet and greet people and facilitate them into the RP. For me this is my default role that I assume and I really enjoy it. On a crowed do you go and RP with the one that seems left out over the popular group? (yes).

 

Those I meet in this way then move on as they find RP contacts, but remain good IC/OOC friends. Probably longer than more closer RPing relationships. Karma I suppose.

[Kellach Woods]

Honestly I just go to places and be available. That's pretty much it for my limited contribution.

[Tiergan]

I'm curious as to how many people posted in new people's threads and ended up never doing anything with them. There's no real follow-through and think about how much of a dickwad you'll feel about calling other people out on it.

 

I don't think anyone has explicitly called out folks (because of how dickwady it would be), but I have seen new folks express sadness in the past that posting in the Making Connections forum doesn't always net meaningful results because as much as people might want to RP with new folks, its insanely easy to forget to keep an eye out for them when you have multiple real life responsibilities, various in game obligations, or just being human. On the flip side, it can take WEEKS for someone to find another person and stick them in your friend list if no timezone/days/times are posted up anywhere. I know this from experience doing something unrelated.

 

That's kind of why I'm advocating that if you post in someone's thread saying you are down to RP with them, we should actually provide days/times you are free to show sincerity or even scheduling out some time to meet up and hang out. I feel like people would have more trust for the responses they get and have a better experience in that forum if we do so.

[Maril]

I'm curious as to how many people posted in new people's threads and ended up never doing anything with them. There's no real follow-through and think about how much of a dickwad you'll feel about calling other people out on it.

 

I have posted in a few where it has not resulted to anything, but I mostly put that down to my timezone. It can be hard to tell when people are available when they don't note what timezone they're in. Usually if someone mention they're usually on when I'm sleeping I wouldn't reply. 

I must admit I also don't follow up on them so much, if I see them about when I am about randomly in a place then I'd approach if possible but, otherwise I've left it at that. I guess I've always seen it as being on the part of the one who requests to follow up if they're interested, and then I also just can't always remember to do it because I have the attention-span of a ferret most of the time.

[Magellan]

I'm curious as to how many people posted in new people's threads and ended up never doing anything with them. There's no real follow-through and think about how much of a dickwad you'll feel about calling other people out on it.

It's a two way street. I keep a pretty well booked pve & rp schedule, but I AM very interested in meeting new people and trying to help them break into the community. I've rp'd with several from making connections.... reached several by /tells only to have nothing come of it.... left several comments to please send me a tell to set things up! and haven't heard back.

 

It's okay if they've found rp and therefore are all set! That's great! But if they are still very hungry for rp, some of the onus is on people to reach out, to trust us that we ARE happy to hear from them, and equally happy to assist as time allows. I hope I project that image to the people I've gotten in touch with, but I can only build so much of the bridge myself.

[Dravus]

I feel that it's also well worth noting that many social circles within FFXIV's role-playing community have a completely different 'feel' to what many - myself included - may be used to after role-playing elsewhere.

 

I often feel that my efforts to reach out to other role-players are overlooked or brushed aside because I don't have much interest in lacing my every word with sugar, kissing up to 'popular' role-players or mindlessly keeping up to date with whatever the current 'insert gif 4 ur charz fav pasta' type of thread is.

 

Combine that with joining numerous Linkshells geared towards providing role-play that have pretty much turned out to be dead or dying and I can completely understand if someone feels out of the loop or unwelcome.

 

Then there's the even more controversial of people rushing to post about how open they are to new contacts only to completely ignore or brush aside attempts to engage with them in-game. I mean, obviously if someone is busy or AFK then they can be let off the hook!

 

I'm just incredibly grateful that the FC I'm currently in reached out to me. I was ready to give up on role-play altogether in FFXIV simply because it proved incredibly difficult to get involved with stuff elsewhere. Not to toot my own horn or anything but it wasn't due to me being shy or lacking in experience either - it was a combination of the issues outlined above.

[ArmachiA]

I feel that it's also well worth noting that many social circles within FFXIV's role-playing community have a completely different 'feel' to what many - myself included - may be used to after role-playing elsewhere.

 

I often feel that my efforts to reach out to other role-players are overlooked or brushed aside because I don't have much interest in lacing my every word with sugar, kissing up to 'popular' role-players or mindlessly keeping up to date with whatever the current 'insert gif 4 ur charz fav pasta' type of thread is.

 

This is me.

Graeham we should be friends, why aren't we friends

[Dravus]

I feel that it's also well worth noting that many social circles within FFXIV's role-playing community have a completely different 'feel' to what many - myself included - may be used to after role-playing elsewhere.

 

I often feel that my efforts to reach out to other role-players are overlooked or brushed aside because I don't have much interest in lacing my every word with sugar, kissing up to 'popular' role-players or mindlessly keeping up to date with whatever the current 'insert gif 4 ur charz fav pasta' type of thread is.

 

This is me.

Graeham we should be friends, why aren't we friends

 

Feel free to poke me in-game sometime! I'm not online right now and I live in Europe but I'm online fairly often when not distracted by work/essays. I find myself agreeing with a lot of your posts though, so I'm definitely open to extending the hand of friendship!

[Tiergan]

I have to admit that I'm a little frustrated. My main point in all of this has been if you're going to post in a newbie's Let's-RP Thread on the Making Connections Forum:

 

1) Post your timezone and availability so they can actually find you in-game or

 

2) Coordinate with them and pick a day so that both of you can actually meet up.

 

However, a lot of the responses I've been seeing harp on about how it's the responsibility of the thread-posters to make the effort to reach out and how the onus is on them to actually do their part in hunting folks down for RP. I agree and I get this sentiment. I earnestly do. It IS their responsibility to meet you halfway, and as someone who has been some form of guild leadership in nearly every MMO I have ever played, no one hates spoonfeeding or handholding more than I do. Especially when someone feels entitled to it.

 

However, if all anyone ever posts is "My name is Tiergan Vashir. Feel free to hit me up in game sometime!" and literally nothing else. It is crazy hard for these people to actually do their part in reaching out and finding folks in game when that's all the information you have on hand. Failing to reach out to someone doesn't necessarily mean laziness or someone not meeting you half way. It might mean they just can't find you period.

 

Like I mentioned already, before real life decided to crush me and rob me of most of my freetime, I tried to start a plot that involved me hunting down 50+ people knowing ONLY their character names. Coming from a position where I definitely wanted to find all of these people and was constantly going through a list searching for every single person for literally a month or more and STILL not being able to find some people -- it is very, very hard. Sometimes even when I knew their schedules or timezones, it was still tricky. That experience was actually how I came to realise just how difficult it is for new people to actually make use of their Making Connections threads when most (but not all) of the responses basically amount to: "I'd love to RP with you! My character is Tiergan Vashir! If you see me in game, feel free to send me a tell!"

 

At best, their option is just to PM you on these forums because it doesn't involve logging in at various times hoping that you just happen to have a similar timezone/schedule as they do. And that PM will inevitably probably involve them asking you when you're generally online and what timezone you're in anyway - so we might as well just either post it in their thread and put your money where your mouth is or send them a PM with the information.

 

By providing that info, we're not suddenly doing all the work for the newbies. The new folks still have to take the information we provide and find us. We're just making it way easier for them.

 

[[Edit: Cut and changed some of the post that I felt might have been a little too aggressive.]]

[Nara'to]

I wish to give some feedback concerning how difficult it is for someone new like myself to find roleplay.  I basically give up, I can't handle my character not being acknowledged anymore.  I break down in tears because being ignored hurts.  Not everyone is busy and there are always plenty of people standing around looking for RP.  But I digress, I am here to give my feedback and hope it can help others in the future.

 

I am new to roleplaying in general.  I fell in love with it not long back and wish to enjoy it with others.  Sadly my experience shows the same thing every time I attempt it.  If you aren't part of a clique, close circle of friends or know someone then you are pretty much screwed.  Trying to emote to people or generally dropping hints you are looking only to be ignored or have your character never be acknowledged just hurts so much.

 

I understand people have lives, there is nothing wrong with that.  But how can new roleplayers enjoy it when they are left out because people close themselves off from newcomers?  This server seems filled with that type.  Most people won't think it is due to many factors but it's how I see it.  I just can't handle it anymore and the pain is not worth it.

 

I apologize for how I come off and hope that my post can be seen as something that can be used to improve upon the situation rather than something for people to argue over.

 

I also know Linkshells and this site exist.  Sadly every Linkshell I join is full of people who have their own circles or are devoid of any communication.  Even here I have been able to snag a few people to add to my friends list.  Yet again though the attempt is in vain due to these people always being busy or never being on.

 

I am not trying to whine or judge.  I am only giving my experience and input.  Please forgive my rudeness and know that someone who really loved this world of roleplaying has given up on even trying to do so in this game.  You can only be ignored or pushed aside so long before the pain is too much.

 

I've said my peace and will leave you all to comment as you please, I will not return to this thread.  Just don't judge this post harshly, I'm just hurt is all. I'm not looking for hand holding. I've put in effort to meet people halfway and tried many ways to find roleplay. They have all failed for me.

[Aya]

Nara'to, its hard to meet new people.  I understand that well, and I've been through the same challenges.  My best advice is simple: talk to people.  Don't emote about being approachable, approach people instead.  If you stand alone emote about being approachable, and no one approaches you, then no one in the entire situation is approaching anyone else, in this you're no less guilty than those you're frustrated with. 

 

You just have to bite the bullet and actually approach someone to broach conversation.  You may have to try several times to have any success.  You may run into someone who isn't friendly, who isn't interested, or is afk, or who simply misses that you're trying to interact with them (especially a problem in a crowded area).  OOC whispers can be helpful in this regard, to let someone know you're trying to approach them.  But, the bottom line is that there are is an absolute abundance of RPers on the server, most of whom are happy to meet new people.  Getting your foot in the door is the hard part, just as it is when trying to make connections in real life.  There's simply no substitute for putting your foot in as many doors as you can bear until you find the right ones.

[Tiergan]

I'll also say that if you were trying to emote in a place like the Quicksand where there can sometimes be a lot of scrolling chat - it is SUPER easy for people to miss the emotes, which is why an OOC whisper of "((Heyoo, I'd like to RP with you and not sure if you missed my emote. Is this a bad time?))" can help a lot.

 

Also, if they're in a group conversation of 4/5+ people, that's generally when they are probably scanning their chat logs for the names of the other people in the conversation and might have a hard time catching someone emoting at them. Toss in an active linkshell or FC chat and it can get even harder.

 

I've personally emoted at folks a lot of times before only to discover they completely missed it. Like Aya said, an OOC whisper can help A LOT.

[Dravus]

Nara'to's situation isn't an isolated case. Many other role-players have expressed in the past that they've endured similar experiences. I think at this point we can safely assume that whilst in some cases it may be a simple case of people not noticing that they're being emoted at that certainly doesn't apply to everybody.

 

As I've pointed out in other threads there's a number of people on this site who really do give those perceived as 'outsiders' a frigid response, ironically often after going out of their way to point out in threads such as this one just how eager they are to forge new contacts and make new friends.

 

Many of these same posters will then go out of their way to point out how much they miss role-playing with people they interact with day in, day out in various threads that one could easily consider as 'baiting' for compliments and attention.

 

So, yeah, let's not pretend as if it's a giant misunderstanding. Far too many people have come here stating the exact same thing only to be conveniently brushed under the rug.

 

Sure, you can argue that people can push and push until they find someone to interact with them but if someone endures multiple bad experiences they're liable to just give up which in turn lessens the amount of fresh blood trickling into the community.

 

...and yes, I'm well aware that nobody is obligated to interact with someone else's character!

[ArmachiA]

It can be hard to get into an established or popular group. I know I have even been blacklisted on this site for disagreeing with a popular member before (Because the site actually lets you know when you've been blacklisted by saying you've been thrown on some invisible buddylist). *Shrug* I understand how hard it can be if you're on the outside.

 

I know a lot of it is people being shy and expecting people to come to them, but I also know that's not always the case.

[Aya]

So, yeah, let's not pretend as if it's a giant misunderstanding. Far too many people have come here stating the exact same thing only to be conveniently brushed under the rug.

 

Sure, you can argue that people can push and push until they find someone to interact with them but if someone endures multiple bad experiences they're liable to just give up which in turn lessens the amount of fresh blood trickling into the community.

Just going to say that I disagree entirely

 

Put your foot in the door, do your best to try to talk people!  Try not to get discouraged.  It is always hard to make friends.  This is true everywhere.  But there are plenty out there just waiting to be found, and once you make a couple, you'll make many more much more quickly!

[Dravus]

So, yeah, let's not pretend as if it's a giant misunderstanding. Far too many people have come here stating the exact same thing only to be conveniently brushed under the rug.

 

Sure, you can argue that people can push and push until they find someone to interact with them but if someone endures multiple bad experiences they're liable to just give up which in turn lessens the amount of fresh blood trickling into the community.

Just going to say that I disagree entirely

 

Put your foot in the door, do your best to try to talk people!  Try not to get discouraged.  It is always hard to make friends.  This is true everywhere.  But there are plenty out there just waiting to be found, and once you make a couple, you'll make many more much more quickly!

 

I think you're misunderstanding and unintentionally just stating things that are rather obvious to many. I'm not a particularly shy guy. I have been putting my foot in the door yet so far outside of my FC it has been immensely difficult to get any consistent role-play with both strangers and people on this site who are explicitly claiming to be extending their arms in welcome and then shoving people away when they are approached in-game.

 

I've also had no issue getting role-play in other MMO's though similar problems have arisen there. The difference is a lot of people don't pretend as if it isn't happening.

 

I mean, the evidence is there - the Miqo'te above is far from the first person to come to this site and state that he has an issue getting involved with stuff. At some point that ceases to be a case of 'try, try, again' and more to do with a need to address the rot that exists within the community.