The How To Help Newbie RPers In Making Connections Forum

[Dravus]

It's not really my intention to guilt trip people. Apologies if it seems that way - I usually wouldn't resort to such a low blow but I couldn't figure out how else to raise the point after repeatedly biting my tongue. Obviously I'm not going to name and shame since that's against the rules but...it's just food for thought and people are welcome to do with that what they will - whether it's ignoring it, contesting it or working to remedy it.

 

To answer Berrod's query, no - I don't consider him to be one of the culprits. I'll admit, I've been on the look out for his character in-game but I've never stumbled across him so I certainly can't blame him for that! 

 

As for people being busy and only human, that's totally understandable. It's not an attack: I'm just raising awareness that it can be pretty disheartening when someone ends up caught in a net and unable to 'break in' to a fresh social circle to expand their list of IC and OOC contacts.

 

In regards to the FC I'm in now I simply made an application and sank my teeth into role-play the moment the opportunity became available. Again, I'm not really starved for role-play due to my FC but expanding beyond it has been where issues have arisen. 

 

As for where I've tried to get stuff up and running? Pretty much everywhere, really - Ul'dah has been a major target but so has various areas throughout La Noscea. The latter interests me more than the former simply because my character concept gives more weight to him being there than lingering in Ul'dah.

 

I generally avoid major events because I'm more of a fan of character driven interaction on a much smaller scale. I'm eager to cross paths with people's characters at random and then head off out on an adventure. I never struggled to do that back in WoW yet in FFXIV's community it proves to be largely ineffective.

 

As for 'harm' I'm personally not losing any sleep over this. I just like sinking my teeth into a good debate. I do have some concerns that it's having a negative impact upon other people though - especially given the tone of that Miqo'te's post early on in this very thread.

 

Edit: Lots of posts happened whilst I was writing this reply so apologies if I missed anything!

[Melkire]

We're here to play a game. Maybe socialize. But we're not therapists. We're also not mind-readers.

 

Quoting this for emphasis, because I think it's really, really important.

 

Communication, as always, is key.

[Verad]

 

Dangerous in the sense that it can lead to misunderstandings, feeling personally attacked/ignored, anger, animosity, deliberate exclusion, hurt feelings, and frustration. I can't speak for anyone about such results, but I imagine this to be the case here. The severity of what happens to such players is entirely dependent on the situation, how sensitive they are, and how much they rely on RP for whatever social/emotional reasons they may have.

 

I think it's the latter part of your statement that makes it concerning. It's definitely the case that a number of players are using RP as a kind of social support structure to greater or lesser degrees. If that's the case, then breaking into RP becomes critical. If that weren't the case, these would be petty inconveniences at best.

 

The problem is the impossibility of addressing that in a fragmented, largely decentralized community, in which creating an organized support structure to help such players is rife with its own problems, e.g. the discussion in the RPC and You thread about the possibility of organized Welcoming Committees and the Mentorship Program. Raising awareness and recognizing behavior can only go so far without either a paradigmatic shift in RP culture on a given server or something resembling a policy decision.

[Unnamed Mercenary]

I never struggled to do that back in WoW yet in FFXIV's community it proves to be largely ineffective.

 

off-topic:

Can I bring up a pet peeve? Why do people keep comparing FFXIV to WoW, or any other RPable game for that matter? It's a different community, made of [potentially] different people. Shouldn't it be expected it's going to have a different feel to it?

[Sophia_Grave]

Let's also acknowledge that no one is guaranteed anything. I for one can't promise a lasting relationship with anyone who does a cold approach. I'll definitely appreciate and acknowledge that, sure, but we simply may not find common ground. I don't identify with a lot of people, that's just how it is.

 

Sometimes, styles, schedules, and characters don't mix. How many lore/RP/rule based arguments have we had on this very forum, after all? I find that most people won't be up front when someone else rubs them the wrong way or RPs in a manner they're not comfortable with. Instead, they'll throw ideas around excitedly, then end up letting things fizzle until there's no contact left. I'm sure that accounts for a lot of lost communication.

[Dravus]

I never struggled to do that back in WoW yet in FFXIV's community it proves to be largely ineffective.

 

off-topic:

Can I bring up a pet peeve? Why do people keep comparing FFXIV to WoW, or any other RPable game for that matter? It's a different community, made of [potentially] different people. Shouldn't it be expected it's going to have a different feel to it?

 

Obviously it's going to be a culture shock to some and I've admitted as much in the past. At the end of the day, though, both are not starved for role-players and so it's pretty easy to make the comparison.

 

WoW didn't start out perfect either - people had to acknowledge and address flaws to help cultivate the 'right' culture for encouraging and forging pleasant interaction.

 

It's why threads like this are so important: it allows for a platform for concerns to be raised and issues to be addressed.

[Domri Blackblade]

Sometimes promises fall through. It's not always something that can be helped, nor does that mean it's automatically bad. I've been here for a month, I made a thread, and as an example: Berrod and I said in the thread we would follow up on a connection and it kind of fell through. I missed him when he was online and then I never got to following through. But I don't hold contempt for Berrod. I don't think that it fell through it was somehow bad. I still greatly respect him and his RP and hope one day that connection get made, but sometimes it just doesn't happen.

 

Look at it this way. One of the biggest hurdles for people is shyness. I suffer from pretty bad social anxiety out in that expensive, slow grind MMO called IRL. I know what the hesitation is and where it comes from. But what's the worst that could happen? A 'not right now'? Everyone whom I have approached in this game has been nothing short of gracious. If they don't have time, every single one has said 'but XxxxxxX time works better for me if that's ok.'

 

I've approached in rp hotspots, forums, outright PMs. Not once has anyone ignored me or flat out rejected me. And I can't wear the label of a popular because I've been here three and a half weeks. I haven't even begun to reappraoch people I knew on my previous character, but they are there.

 

If you see someone you want to RP with and hooks aren't being bitten, then just bite the bullet and PM them. The anxiety sucks, but people here aren't really malicious and will most likely be nothing but open minded with you. I don't really know how much further to offer advice if people aren't willing to combat their shyness just yet.

 

Anti-social character? Keep throwing out idle hooks. Someone will eventually bite. Hell, if I'm there I guarantee I will bite. It can get discouraging when it doesn't happen right away, but just keep trying.

 

Approach people in the most random of places! Brynhilde and I met when she approached me on the streets of Gridania. I was literally half tabbed out but I saw the emote and I just rolled with it. Someone may be like me and just hop IC right then and there. If it works, it works. Great! If it doesn't, it doesn't. The worst that could happen is someone isn't IC at the moment and you can probably make a friend right there anyway trying to plan a better time to RP.

 

I could ramble for ages on different methods, but the base is always gonna be the same and that's take the risk and dive in.

[Berrod Armstrong]

We're here to play a game. Maybe socialize. But we're not therapists. We're also not mind-readers.

 

Quoting this for emphasis, because I think it's really, really important.

 

Communication, as always, is key.

I actually am a therapist. Shit. Though I agree that communication is key!

 

Edit: Domri! I shall hunt you down when my internets are stable again! I saw you at the Grindstone on Saturday-- if I'm overseeing again this week I'll have Racist Cactpot Granny Berrod come voice APPROVAL OF THE BLOOD. Or something!

[Melkire]

It's not really my intention to guilt trip people. Apologies if it seems that way - I usually wouldn't resort to such a low blow but I couldn't figure out how else to raise the point after repeatedly biting my tongue. Obviously I'm not going to name and shame since that's against the rules but...it's just food for thought and people are welcome to do with that what they will - whether it's ignoring it, contesting it or working to remedy it.

 

And I get that, that's why I felt the need to point it out, because it could be read that way. Been in too many discussions that have gone to hell because someone took something on a personal level.

 

As for people being busy and only human' date=' that's totally understandable. It's not an attack: I'm just raising awareness that it can be pretty disheartening when someone ends up caught in a net and unable to 'break in' to a fresh social circle to expand their list of IC and OOC contacts.[/quote']

 

I know the feeling. I also know that the biggest obstacle is common times and locales. We don't just have conflicting IRL schedules and personalities to contend with, there's also our in-character schedules and personalities that can get in the way of two or more characters meeting and their respective circle of contacts expanding.

 

It's like multiplying two decimal values. 0.1 x 0.1 = 0.01, after all. And that's really, really lame, but that's how it is.

 

In regards to the FC I'm in now I simply made an application and sank my teeth into role-play the moment the opportunity became available. Again, I'm not really starved for role-play due to my FC but expanding beyond it has been where issues have arisen. 

 

As for where I've tried to get stuff up and running? Pretty much everywhere, really - Ul'dah has been a major target but so has various areas throughout La Noscea. The latter interests me more than the former simply because my character concept gives more weight to him being there than lingering in Ul'dah.

 

I'd agree with you: La Noscea has a lot of appeal to it. My character's background and story took him to Ul'dah even before I knew where most of the roleplayers were to be found, otherwise I might've chosen to make more of an effort in grounding myself in, say, Limsa, for example. Now my character is definitely rooted in Thanalan, and opportunities to break him away from there, while refreshing and I do jump on each and every chance that makes sense from an IC perspective, are rare.

 

I generally avoid major events because I'm more of a fan of character driven interaction on a much smaller scale. I'm eager to cross paths with people's characters at random and then head off out on an adventure. I never struggled to do that back in WoW yet in FFXIV's community it proves to be largely ineffective.

 

Disclaimer, never played WoW, but I think this phenomenon in FFXIV largely owes itself to the "Quicksand is the hotspot for RP!" and "Sign up for an event if you need to break out!" mentality which discourages a more personal, one-on-one approach of random encounters. That, and a LOT of new people I see here on RPC list themselves or their characters as really shy and introverted, which makes losing themselves in a noisy crowd a lot more appealing than walking up to someone on the street at random and going, "Hey, will you walk with me for a bit? I'd like to ask you about _____" as a hook.

 

 

 

Let's also acknowledge that no one is guaranteed anything.

 

This, too, is very important. Even if someone takes your hook, or you take theirs, there's no guarantee it'll turn into anything long-lasting or meaningful.

[Dravus]

In regards to Ul'dah, I do intend to give that place another go if only because it seems like something major is about to go down there during the next set of MSQ's and being in the city when that happens seems like a pretty good plot hook for the sort of delicious intrigue I enjoy indulging in.

 

So for what it's worth I'll definitely be looking out for familiar and unfamiliar faces. Not necessarily in the Quicksand though.

[Verad]

 

Disclaimer, never played WoW, but I think this phenomenon in FFXIV largely owes itself to the "Quicksand is the hotspot for RP!" and "Sign up for an event if you need to break out!" mentality which discourages a more personal, one-on-one approach of random encounters. That, and a LOT of new people I see here on RPC list themselves or their characters as really shy and introverted, which makes losing themselves in a noisy crowd a lot more appealing than walking up to someone on the street at random and going, "Hey, will you walk with me for a bit? I'd like to ask you about _____" as a hook.

 

Taverns in WoW were generally the opposite of a hotspot. Goldshire's reputation is well-known, but other, smaller places like Silvermoon's Wayfarer's Inn and Stormwind's Blue Parrot also had reputations as loci of bad RP. People avoided them in favor of one-on-one interactions.

 

The reversal has been interesting, but, for me at least, pretty rewarding.

[Melkire]

I am unsure if this will help but I think that there are several things you can do to prepare yourself and to help for making some connections. This will probably be a confused message as I won't set an order in all those "ideas" but here we go :

 

Precise you're a RPer in your profile in game, and give the link of your wiki using a tiny URL :

Right, this one seems quite logical, though it's not always the case. When I meet someone new, the first thing I do while I talk to them (generally they are the ones reaching out, thank you guys for that, I'm still extra shy here) is to check their RP profile if they have one. It's really important, I think, to spend some time to write your wiki and to make sure that you have the link of it on your signature, in game, on your tumblr, etc.

 

Focus on the rumors part when you write your wiki :

If someone want to hook with you in character, they will need a reason and the easiest way is to give them some informations about your character, either with rumors either by writing some "your character might notice this about my character" informations. Give to the other one in front of you some opportunity to reach out using what they might know about your character .

 

Walk :

99% of the people walking in town are RPer. If you walk, before even anybody talk to you or check your profile, you're announcing to them that you're a RPer AND that you are IC, so potentially available for RP.

 

Join some LS / FC :

I have to do a HUGE disclaimer here as I found out after some time that a part of the people joining a "finding connection" LS are expecting the others to reach out to them and they will find themselves rping with some knew people within an hour. It clearly doesn't work this way. So here is some "how to use a making connection LS" FAQ.

- Discuss with people: Don't hesitate, I find myself easier to know the people OOC when I'm going to RP with them and so meeting them in a relaxed way helps a lot.

- Ask some RP questions if you have some : You will both have some answers and also be able to note some different style of RP (not every RPer are compatible), and you will gather some informations about the character(s) of that RPer (can help to find some hooks).

- If you click with someone, pm them to see if some RP would be possible.

- Keep in mind that everybody lives in different time zone / have different activities aside / might not be in the mood right now for discussing or RPing.

There you go, you are now properly using some "making connection" LS.

 

Write some IC letters :

That is a thing I do when I want to reach out to some people or when I'm trying to not lose contact with them. I write an IC letter, giving some informations about my character situation and I try to include some hooks so the people would think "Hey this is how my character can answer and what they can do !". IC letters are a good way to keep contact while your own character is not available for a reason or another (Hello Ilwe who spent 1 1/2 month secluded in his house) and it will even give to those who will receive it the possibility to know where your character is right now if they ever want to see him.

[align=center]

[/align]

 

 

Have your character seeking for some help :

I'm RPing since over 15 years and I found extraordinary common to meet some character who will never ask for some help unless X is dying, seclude themselves, refuse to be among the others etc. Obviously this will not help you to find some connection : if your character want to be alone, alone he will be and I know really really few people courageous enough to spend some time to try several time to reach out when they will only find some rejection. Keep in mind that there are a lot of RPer around and you have to give your character enough attractive traits so people will want to meet them.

This doesn't mean that you cannot RP someone who is the calm sort, doesn't like tavern and all and Ilwe is the perfect example to prove this. BUT ! You cannot give to your character every single traits that will repel away people. You have to choose. And for Ilwe, even though he's the sort of not liking crowds and such things, he asks for some help and reaches out when necessary and this is how I manage to have some connection.

What if you don't know anybody who might be able to help on this topic ? This is at this precise moment that the "making connection" LS and forum are useful : Make a topic there, ask for some precise person for a precise plot. Here you go, it's easier to reach out this way when you have a reason / a goal than only having an introduction of your character. And if you can't find ? Run in a crowded place (AKA QS) and shout for some help, have your character crying, ATTRACT THE ATTENTION.

 

RP relationship are like flowers :

Keep in mind that it's not because you met someone once that this person will remember you IC or OOC in 3 weeks. Exactly like for IRL you have to nurture your connections in a way or another (IC letters are my way, I'm sure that some other people could give some other tips for that). If you don't do it, like a flower, the relationship you had with them will whiter.

And with reason !!! Keep in mind that your character has his plots and life, and it's the same for this other character you met 3 weeks ago : Their life might have change, things happened and your character has no idea about this. If you want to keep in touch with someone. Do it, in a way or another. Just don't pretend that because you met this RPer during 30mn a few weeks ago, your characters are now best buddy forever, it doesn't work this way.

 

Communicate :

Well, I think I'll finish like this : Try to communicate OOC with the people you like. I know, I'm now Captain Obvious, but it doesn't hurt to remind to people that communication is necessary. Don't hesitate to say when you want to RP with your friends. Don't hesitate to tell them when you don't want. Remember about time zones and so make the RP happen by giving your schedule to people, even several times, as they won't remember it.

Be available and be visible. Really. That's what you need to be seen and to see the others.

 

Quoting this because I, for one, completely missed this post earlier in the thread and I think it deserves a good (possibly second) look.

[g0ne]

This is a good one. 

 

I know newbie RPers are shy, I was at that stage not so long ago. I still think I'm shy, but instead of shyness, I suppose it's more of being intimidated. 

 

See, when I joined up here on the RPC, the things that crossed my mind were that everyone here is so good and so well known, how would someone unknown and little like me possibly get mixed up with the big guns. The other thing is that newbies aren't that well known and well, they're still developing their skills, which creates more of a barrier.

 

Furthermore, I don't know why... but I get the feeling that when you know someone and have RPed with them frequently you choose to RP with them over 'that other person'. I don't know why this happens, but let's all admit it that this feeling does exist somewhere in our minds. 

 

And I know my time zone is really mismatched, and I'm only around on weekends when I'm free, but I sincerely and honestly say that I will RP with anyone and everyone (of course, sane RPers, not random hi let's bang ERPers because I'm bored and I have nothing else to do), and even if I don't know you, that shouldn't become a barrier, so feel free to poke me. In fact, do it!! Do it, I say!!

 

Edit: I don't know what's wrong with the font!

 

Mod note by FreelanceWizard: Fixed that font for you.

[Unnamed Mercenary]

This is a good one. 

 

I know newbie RPers are shy, I was at that stage not so long ago. I still think I'm shy, but instead of shyness, I suppose it's more of being intimidated. 

 

See, when I joined up here on the RPC, the things that crossed my mind were that everyone here is so good and so well known, how would someone unknown and little like me possibly get mixed up with the big guns. The other thing is that newbies aren't that well known and well, they're still developing their skills, which creates more of a barrier.

 

Furthermore, I don't know why... but I get the feeling that when you know someone and have RPed with them frequently you choose to RP with them over 'that other person'. I don't know why this happens, but let's all admit it that this feeling does exist somewhere in our minds. 

 

And I know my time zone is really mismatched, and I'm only around on weekends when I'm free, but I sincerely and honestly say that I will RP with anyone and everyone (of course, sane RPers, not random hi let's bang ERPers because I'm bored and I have nothing else to do), and even if I don't know you, that shouldn't become a barrier, so feel free to poke me. In fact, do it!! Do it, I say!!

 

Edit: I don't know what's wrong with the font!

 

Mod note by FreelanceWizard: Fixed that font for you.

 

Fact: Eleni is a joy to RP with. 

 

Response: It's true. Like any social group, people are gonna lean towards connections they have more often than try to make new connections. We like being comfortable in our known circles. And there's nothing really wrong with that. When taken to an extreme, it can become a "clique", but more often than not, I see other people ascribing "clique" onto a group than that group actually being closed-off. And once that mentality is set, it stops mattering because judgments get made without actual evidence. This isn't Mean Girls. People don't need to act a certain way or wear some special themed clothes. Treat people with respect and they'll come back for more if the like what they see. 

[Domri Blackblade]

This isn't Mean Girls.

 

YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US!

 

[Unnamed Mercenary]

This isn't Mean Girls.

 

YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US!

 

 

 

EVERYONE gets RP. *throws it in little pieces*

[Domri Blackblade]

 

EVERYONE gets RP. *throws it in little pieces*

 

[Aris]

 

EVERYONE gets RP. *throws it in little pieces*

 

 

 

 

Edit: Oops. Ignore this, the below post is much more encouraging.

[Ette]

 

EVERYONE gets RP. *throws it in little pieces*

 

 

[Unnamed Mercenary]

[gif]

[another gif]

[and another gif]

 

And this is why I love everyone here. 

 

--

 

Honestly. There's no difference between "popular" and not. Just be put yourself (the general 'you' here) out there and find those people who make the experience for you.

[Ilwe'ran]

You're derailing again guys

 

And I wanted to add this :

 

Read about the people you're interested about :

Some RPer interest you 'cause you click with them or something else ? Well, best way is probably not to wait for them to reach out and find a reason for you and them to meet. Do it yourself. Seek some informations on their wiki, find a way to include them in your plot, give them some space where their character can exist and they find some interest to RP in.

 

Example :

I would like to RP with Verad Bellveil. What can I do to make this happen and how my character could suddenly come to communicate with them.

1. Fetching informations on their wiki, trying to find where their character lives, what is their occupation, why my character and their could suddenly meet.

2. PM the person on the RPC or in game to ask them if they would actually would like to RP with me and offer them something. A plot. A reason. Something that would motivate them to meet me

Example : "My character is suffering from heavy stress right now and I noticed that yours is practicing some cactu-puncture. I always wanted to meet you ICly and would like to know if you would be interested by a session where Verad would take care of my character's stress and maybe we could use it as a step stone for more RP ?"

3. Don't rant if they don't want / can't for a reason or another. The best you can do after offering is accepting the answer which will be given to you and be available.

 

There, this is how you can make some new connections with someone specific you wanted to meet. Don't expect others to reach out, always do it yourself !

[Roen]

I will share my own experience, take it for what it's worth!

 

PMs have been my friend. That has been my mainstay of making connections. My character being rather quiet spoken and definitely not a social butterfly, when I came to discover the RPC, I scouted out posters here, read their wikis, and started to send out PMs with "Hey, I read your profile and your character sounds fascinating! I am kind of new around here, would you want to arrange a chance meeting RP with me?"

 

Everyone I've sent a PM to replied nicely (people are very friendly around here I've found), and dialogue got started about what each character was about and BAM chance encounter scheduled. Guaranteed RP! Although I should also mention a few of those didn't pan out when it was left to "find me whenever!" Because finding people who are not on your friend's list is painstaking in this game. :dodgy:

 

But in my early days, I did also hang around Quicksand and emoted, reading a book, ordering a drink, or even sitting outside on a bench or what have you. But what I was MOSTLY doing was reading other people's emotes and conversations to see who I wanted to interact with or who may have a hook I can use. I did spill a drink on someone once, or accidentally bumped into them dropping the said book, and a conversation was started. Rarely did someone approach me though while I was emoting by my lonesome. I was emoting mostly to make others know I was there, so that when *I* approached *them* I had been there ICly for awhile.

 

I also went to watch the Grindstone events and met Roen's first and oldest friend there by complete random encounter.

 

I also wrote on the IC forum about what was going on with my character after her first real story arc got started. I do believe that getting IC posts out there kind of puts out a resume if you will, for other RPers who like to write and read such things. It attracts like minded people. I have sent out my share of "I LOVED your post" PMs and those opened up some dialogue for new RP opportunities as well.

 

So that's how I've made my connections so far. And I still bug people all the time, through tells or PM if they want to RP with me. I rarely get random walk ups since I am not hanging around the tavern these days... although I will not turn away any if it happens! Once I was crafting in obvious non-RP gear when Brynhilde just walked up to Roen and stared her down. I immediately stood up and started to RP. Right there, in that skimpy crafting clothes that Roen would never wear. >___> I was also stopped for a chat when I was visiting my retainer. Twice. Closed window and started to RP!

 

So be proactive would be my advice. I don't really know what the solution is for people who were outright flatly ignored, that has yet to happen to me and this was when I was totally new around here and knew no one. Or maybe if I did emote and it was ignored, I just brushed it off as they didn't read it or they were busy, or afk and I moved on.

 

So not really anything *new* in terms of advice but that's what I can share. I do hope new folks AND old RPers like do not get discouraged from keep trying and being proactive.

[Tiergan]

Wow, this thread blew up while I was asleep.

 

Anyhow, I want to speak on something I see as a potential recurring theme in this thread. [WARNING MASSIVE BLOCK OF TEXT AHEAD. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY THINGS CONCISELY.]

There seems to be a lot of fear about the community as a whole being expected or obligated to do all the work in bringing new people in. I can definitely understand this fear because it definitely does happen. In every MMO RP community I have ever been in there’s always this small faction of RPers (not even ‘new’ RPers. Just RPers in general) who come in with a bizaare sense of entitlement where if they make even the smallest amount of effort, they feel they should be rewarded by a rainfall of RP where people fall over themselves to interact with them.

 

I will never forget a time I went to the Quicksand as Tiergan 100% determined to get random RP and I was faced with a person just like this. I had marched Tiergan to the nearest table, got him absolutely hammered and had him offer to buy everyone in the Quicksand a free round of drinks (very rare for his personality, but I wanted to provide an 'in' for anyone wanting to RP with him). Soon I had a pretty sizable cluster of folks all drinking booze with Tiergan and talking about stuff. A couple of folks were people who knew Tiergan already and were wondering why he was hammered. The rest were brand new people partaking in Tiergan’s generosity.

 

It was insanely hard to follow a conversation of 6+ people while making sure I didn't miss what anyone was saying. At some point, I got a slightly passive-aggressive tell from another roleplayer about how unhappy they were at ignored by the group. I stopped, scrolled up, and found one single emote of that person doing something vague by the table. I immediately sent her an apology and invited her to come back into the Quicksand (she’d left at that point) for a second go as now I would be able to watch out for her.

 

She accepted, RP walked into the Quicksand, then immediately RP walked out the other door of the Quicksand. This action literally took the span of maybe 2 or 3 seconds. I had no time to react. She then sent me an angry tell about how I didn’t draw her into the RP like I said I would. I sent her a reply explaining that she hadn’t given me enough time to type anything or for Tiergan to notice her. She then had her character re-enter the Quicksand, then stand at the bar on the OPPOSITE side of the tavern, and did nothing. No emotes, no hook. She gave me nothing and was waiting for me to do all the work.

 

I had to break character, have Tiergan walk all the way across the bar to her, and have him drunkenly invite her over to the table to drink some of the free booze he was handing out. Only for her character to explain that she doesn’t. drink. alcohol. I tried to come up with more excuses for why drunk Tiergan would bring some total stranger he’d never met across to the table, and each time I met some form of resistance before I gave up and had him stagger back to the table. She sent me more unhappy tells, but at that point, I was miffed that I broke my own immersion trying to go out of my way to bring her in and ignored her.

 

This is not the only time I’ve encountered something like this in an MMO, and I’m sure plenty of others have had the same experience which is why they’re extremely wary when things like mentor-systems and welcoming committees get brought up. People like the person I mentioned in my story are generally the ones who abuse the kindness of people trying to work to welcome new folks in and sour the vibe for everyone.

 

I can't speak to the idea of whether or not new folks are actively being ignored or alienated by folks. (I like to think it's accidental and there are more factors at play). But I know it can definitely be a challenge breaking into RP if you're not innately outgoing as a person. Even more so if you are shy, have no FC, and are playing a shy/antisocial character. That was basically where I was at when I first started playing FFXIV, and I almost deleted Tiergan entirely to roll up a new super outgoing character because I had such a difficult time overcoming my own personal obstacles finding RP. It was extremely difficult and I was pretty bummed out that I couldn’t seem to find my groove.

 

While I think I would have sorted out things eventually, I do feel like the process was streamlined for me by a couple of very kind folks who offered advice like creating a wiki profile, where some cool events were going down, what FCs I could try out, etc. Eventually, they also invited me into certain plots that made sense for both of our characters. They didn’t go out of their way to find a place for me in their stories - they only did it if it was realistic and natural for their character to want me there and for Tiergan to want to be there. If they’d done otherwise, it would have felt pretty awkward and forced.

 

 

I think this is basically how things should go from a community-newbie-person standpoint. Established community members can be super welcoming, offer advice (like we have here in this thread!), and meet folks halfway into the community -- BUT they should not be expected to arrange RP for people. They shouldn't be doing anything or even feel forced to meet with anyone they feel wouldn't make sense in context with their own RP. A person who primarily does Yellow Adders combat RP in Gridania shouldn't have to twist and wrap their story into funny shapes just to find some unrealistic, obscure way to include a new person who does 100% of their RP as a Limsan aldgoat herder.

 

This is why I kept going on and on about "Post in Connection Threads if you actually genuinely want to RP with that person. Post your availability/pick a day to meet up." -- because honestly? Finding a new person whose RP seems like they would work with yours and then providing them the means to meet up with you in game for RP to see if the two of you mesh well is literally the most work an already-established member of the community should really be expected to do if they have the freetime and are in the right place mentally for it. (i.e: not getting buggered by real life) They shouldn't be RPing with someone even if they're not really enjoying it or it isn't realistic in terms of their character. By posting in a 'Connection" thread and providing availability/meet-up day, they are opening the door and allowing someone to jam their foot in. Anything more than that is being super generous.

[Magellan]

I'm gonna take everyone's side, and echo what a lot of others have already said, because I honestly believe everyone is right (as contradicting as that may be)

 

Being a New Rper is hard: Being a new rper is VERY hard. You get a taste of how glorious rp can be, you want more, you see everyone else enjoying rp, and you try to get more involved yourself, only there is a toolset and a subtle skill to getting involved, and no one is taking the time to show you how to do it. So you start to feel lost, frustrated, and yes, hurt. Like any hobby or job... it is possible to learn on your own, but it becomes so much easier if you have a mentor or tutor to learn off of. Unfortunately, those can be hard to come by.

 

Cliques exist/cliques are bad: Cliques do exist, and cliques are bad. Why? They damage the growth of other rpers. I am reminded of a guild I was an officer in. Whenever I am an officer, I seem to fall into 'official welcoming/intro rp' person. Which is fine. It's something I enjoy doing, and I strongly feel if you are going to invite someone into your guild story, then why aren't you taking the time to make sure they know how to apply themselves? I've never understand the rather blase attitude of 'figure it out yourself' or 'I'm not here to hold hands'.

 

Anywho, as said officer, I got a group of 5 or 6 people to welcome a new recruit, and run a scene that had the recruit so excited, so incredibly OOC grateful, that they talked about it all night! Mission accomplished, right?

 

Well, when I tried to run a similar scene for a new recruit a week later, and asked others to join in, that very same person asked; 'Why?' Many rpers, sadly... tend to be less than welcoming once they have found their 'clique'.

 

Cliques exist/cliques are good: I told you I was going to be contradictory

Cliques do exist, and cliques are good. Be honest. You're a new rper. What do you want more than anything? A group to call your own, right? And when you find said group, I'm willing to bet you'll be hard pressed to include everyone into your roleplay, due to the simple fact of real life time constraints. Doesn't make you a bad person if you 'forget your roots'. You aren't a bad person if you are 'popular'.  It simply means you are human, and can only accomplish so much in the twenty-four hours of the day alloted to us. You'd be surprised how many people do care about helping others... but often find themselves short on time.

 

Character Matters: As others have noted.... your character matters! A lot of rpers come from small dnd groups, where no matter WHO your character is, the other party members are forced to rp with them. This is not the case in MMO rp. If my character doesn't like yours, they don't have to hang out with you at all! They have CHOICE. And as others have stated... the popular characters tend to be the ones who can handle a variety of different social situations; they are outgoing, charismatic, like strangers, like people and conversation, like to have fun! In MMO these characters work, because you, the individual are responsible for finding your own rp, you are not going to be led along by a DM. So if your character is shy, or socially awkward, they are going to have a harder go of it. They are going to find conversations with people, then never meet again.

 

Generally, I try to play a socially outgoing character initially, and once I have formed some friendships, experiment more on my alts, as I can then more easier set up rp based on the OOC connections I've made. Even so, I still have alts I struggle to find rp on, due to their innate nature.

 

If you do plan to play someone shyer, I suggest trying to find an FC or active LS quickly. But it'll still require a little bit more work on your part OOCly to get your character established.

 

New Rpers tend to blur IC/OOC: Frankly, so do older rpers from time to time. But part of the process of learning to RP is learning to clearly delineate those lines. There's a thought process I see many new rpers go through, which goes something like this: 'I am disliked/ignored ICly, that must mean I am disliked/ignored OOCly.'

 

As the example used in my Bad Cliques, this is actually sometimes the case. And it sucks. It happens in a fantasy rp world, just as it happens in real life. Just because we all share the same hobby, doesn't mean everyone is nice and inclusive about it

 

But sometimes, it is not the case at all! I have joined a few FC's and LS's, where I absolutely loved the people, but just did not feel I fit in an IC sense. I could not find RP for my character, and they were universally passed over by people in favor of other, more established friends. Yet we still got along just fine OOCly. You cannot, as a creator, writer, and rper, take it personally if your character feels flawed or failed. Use it as a learning tool for when you make the next character. Or reinvent them. Or, keep them just as they are and dig deeper into the community to find the place that feels like home for you. It's not always easy. Which brings me back to:

 

Being a new RPer is hard: Seriously. There is so much subtle nuance to learn, and oftentimes feels as if the community doesn't care. I've been there. But there are those amongst us who do care, would like to try to help, but we need to know how to help before we can properly direct you.

 

I also wonder, sometimes, if the people in Making Connections ever seek each other out? So many times I'll see someone post a thread, then another person post a thread right above them, and their character descriptions seem made for each other, yet a week later, they bump, still looking for rp, still frustrated. There are people in Making Connections just like you, there SPECIFICALLY to find new rpers to rp with, so do your due diligence and reach out to them.

 

It's not guaranteed to always work, but it's a foot in the door. Don't feel bad if you feel the 'popular crowd' doesn't have time for you, instead, go out and make a popular crowd of your own.

 

In summation, my character Claire is specifically tailored for meeting and greeting new folks, and I've tried to reach out to several on these forums, and would be more than happy to arrange a time to ICly meet if you reach out to me.

 

tl;dr: persevere! Rp can be very rewarding!

[Ilwe'ran]

Something else (again, sorry) I find really really really important is around that "hey poke me I'm always happy to have some new connections" thing.

I know that I will probably attract some grunts, but I would like to give my opinion about this (also I don't aim anybody by saying that, d.. Don't get angry okay ._.) .

This is only good for some people already having their group and not being fussed about making some new connection. But don't do that if you're actually trying hard to make some new connection. If that works it's a miracle.

That's all the problem here about making connection. You cannot put yourself on some stall and hope people to pick you without selling yourself. You cannot just say "Hey I'm available" or "I would like to RP with X" and expect people to come and find you.

 

You have to create the occasion.

 

I tried to give some ideas here and here but I forgot to say that finding some new people to RP with is exactly like fishing.

You wouldn't go and sit on a rock, in front of the river, saying "Hey, I'm available for eating fish" and expect the fish coming in your basket, right ? Here is the same. You have to use a bait and so to find the other person favorite RP food. While many RPer are available for random RP, I can tell you that if you have a hook for them which is coherent with the person you aim and will provide some RP which won't be "trivial" (like talking about the QS food or the weather), you will really make some good connection that will last long enough if you do your possible to nourish it.

Random RP is a thing, personalized RP occasion is another and the least one is loved by most RPer and will provide you real connection, not tavern buddies.