The Romance Class

[Rinh Hallani]

That link was very useful, thank you!

 

I love romance but Rinh is quite snippy, blunt and abrasive. It takes a very determined, very understanding person to break through all the walls she's put up. I never set out with the goal of getting her into a relationship but it's definitely opened up an interesting avenue of RP now that she has. I've had sickly sweet romances in the past as well but I have found this darker, conflict-based romance more rewarding, personally.

 

As for ERP and PDA, I don't mind the former so long as it's private and between consenting adults, nor the latter as long as it isn't excessive. A quick kiss here, holding hands there, sure, but don't make it become your character's sole reason for existence. I think it has the potential to deepen a relationship and the RP but of course it depends on the person.

 

Now I wonder if my Seeker alt will wander the wilds alone or find a certain someone? 

[Clover]

I've only read the beginning of the post linked, b-but... it sounded like common sense to me @_@? Any kind of emotional scene (be it about romance or about anything else) is naturally going to require some emotional writing. I actually have yet to see anyone RPing things of the sort "he saw his best friend's dead body and felt sad"... *laughs*.

 

As for my views on romance (I mean romance, not ERP!), I'm not someone who actively pursues it. Just like real life, I simply wait until any character impacts and inspires me. I actually have never RPed an original character in an active relationship, as the love my past characters have experienced was difficult, twisted, and quite impossible/platonic. I doubt they'd even engage in any simple and easy relationship for the sake of it; I rather search for meaningful (for good or for bad) bonds with other characters.

 

In any case, I still don't know what will happen in FFXIV, if anything. I'll just let the story flow and see where it takes my characters!

[Darien Cadell]

Enjoyed the read~

 

I tried to make an Inara-type, but her training was poor, I guess, 'cause she ended up quitting her job to fall in love with a pirate. Ohho!

 

I never look for the romance. Even the above mentioned "companion" character, while I openly acknowledged the likelihood of feelytimes RP because of her concept, that was her day job, maintained offscreen mostly.

 

But if the romance happens, despite a character's quirks and negative personality traits, I love to follow and see where it goes. It's a great way to learn about a character. But for my part, I try to keep it slow and let the other person set the boundaries of acceptability.

[erosskye]

There has been an addition if you wish it. Please open your textbooks and return to the main thread for ----V

 

------ Part 2 ------

 

Thank you all for your great input.  It really makes me happy seeing everyone enjoy these topics as much as I do and hopefully some great stories come of it in the future!

[Lan Darklyn]

I figured I'd add my 2 Gil. As far as online RP I started back in chat rooms and forums and it was not uncommon for one of my characters to become involved in some sort of romance. I've done all sorts of styles with relationships too, after all, in real life there are relationships that start off slow and shy but there are also whirlwind romances that hit someone like a train (sometimes leading to clothes being torn) lol

 

Romance can help bring all kinds of fun elements to an RP. What happens if someone is kidnapped? Maybe the romance is a secret one because one of the participants if married to someone they don't love...etc..etc.

 

As far as the "sexy" stuff goes. I have done both the fade to black part, and the actual RP of what happens when the lights go down. It's up to the RPers to decide just how they want to proceed when it reaches that point and I think you should just go with what works for you.

 

And yes, remember that there is a boundry between RP and RL, be wary of skirting that line. I've seen some creepy things happen in the past lol.

[LiadansWhisper]

My concern is that all too often 'romance' in role-play is simply sought after and used as an excuse for the player behind the character wanting to get their rocks off. It's usually easy to tell  when this is the case, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Another issue is guilds that exist purely for the sake of ERP. It's pretty creepy, no matter how many attempts are made to dress them up as something completely different.

 

Honestly?  If it gets their rocks off, it gets their rocks off.  If they're happy, who cares?  As long as they're not roping you into something you don't enjoy, then it's really whatever.

 

I don't find ERP guilds to be creepy, per se, but I do find that they tend to be festering balls of drama.  And that when they break apart, they tend to try to remake themselves in other guilds, which causes strife.

 

Another common issue I've encountered is that many role-players have a habit of ignoring everyone else when their character's partner is around. Sometimes this is on an IC basis, other times it's on an OOC basis instead. I've lost count of the amount of times I've stumbled across a 'generic mercenary' who simply walks off the moment a potential ERP partner arrives on the scene.

 

Dude, people do this even without ERP involved.  I've been flat out ignored by entire groups of people when I was emoting at them because I wasn't in their group.  People are assholes.

 

I'm not going to get into the whole debate regarding ERP, but to touch upon it lightly I firmly believe that it should be kept in private between consenting partners and shouldn't be layered with strange and unusual fetishes. Players passing by a tavern whilst questing don't need to see descriptive emotes detailing what a tavern wench is doing to a mercenary under a table.

 

Not in public?  Fully agree.  Weird fetishes?  Um, none of my business.  If people want to engage in that privately, it in no way threatens me.  They can do whatever they want.

 

Which is a common problem - many role-players seem to take the stance that because they aren't bothered by explicit stuff everyone else should just grow a thicker skin. That isn't exactly fair and I say this as someone who isn't afraid to touch on mature themes in my own role-play.

 

Those people are just assholes. :-\  Inconsiderate assholes.

[Quuyn]

My concern is that all too often 'romance' in role-play is simply sought after and used as an excuse for the player behind the character wanting to get their rocks off. 

 

Frankly, I don't see the issue with this at all. If we're going to get into that whole debacle. MOST people 'get their rocks off' constantly, females and males alike do it, if they want to do it by immersing themselves in a fantasy scenario. More power to them in my opinion. 

 

Of course, keep it out of public chat, but that's pretty standard. I usually keep even just kissing and such in private chats, because I don't enjoy being stared down at.

[YesGood]

My concern is that all too often 'romance' in role-play is simply sought after and used as an excuse for the player behind the character wanting to get their rocks off. It's usually easy to tell  when this is the case, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Another issue is guilds that exist purely for the sake of ERP. It's pretty creepy, no matter how many attempts are made to dress them up as something completely different. ---

 

 

 I'm just going to bring up multiple things in this post-

 

-In regards to 'romance' being an excuse to ERP, yanno, it's true in some cases. Many cases. I know this because I've had boyfriends irl who play MMOs and they have heard about ERPing... and suddenly they want to become roleplayers. It frustrates me too, to no end, to see such a blatant misconception of what roleplay is there for, and I know there are people who get in the game with that as their primary agenda. I don't think any of the people who bother to come to the RPC and join it are looking for that-- I think those types just lurk around in game, waiting to see RPers and pounce on them.

 

On the matter of ERP guilds or guilds 'existing purely for the sake of ERP'-- I have only ever heard of one. Maybe I don't understand what you're talking about but the guild in question was fairly famous back in the day in WoW; there were a lot of articles written about it. A girl, who was making gold off ERP, started a guild dedicated to that end. She had like-minded individuals 'working with her' and their sole purpose was to ERP for profit. There's no rules about it, it's allowed as far as Blizzard is concerned so long as they make it clear that anyone who does it should be 18 or older (which you need to be to subscribe -anyhow- but we know that rule is broken) but it does seem sort of depressing in a way if that incident happens to be the first time anyone's heard of anything regarding roleplay and they judge all of roleplay based on that. At the same time, it's like a guy I knew who claimed he didn't know anything about anime and he hated all of it because of a bad experience with an ex who was an otaku. Doesn't -seem- reasonable to -me- but then, I'm a bit biased.

 

Anyway, maybe there are guilds built under some pretense that actually exist to sort of support a relationship between two characters. I could see that. I just haven't really seen two or three, much less enough to consider even a percentage of RP guilds that exist for that reason. If anything, every single freaking guild or community I see has a looooooooooooooooong rule about ERPing and it not happening in relation to the guild. No idea. I'd think that would be common sense but if there are barely veiled ERP guilds out there that I haven't noticed, maybe not.

 

- Ignoring people when your ERP partner is around? Yes, it happens. I've had experiences with both men and women just in the throes of a blossoming romance (not past the blushy hand-holdy stage) where I start getting tells like 'Why aren't you here?!' as I said before. But yanno what else happens -a lot-? People getting into small cliques or LSs or FCs who never make time to RP walk ups. They're just leveling and running around, doing their thing until someone, and only someone in their group signs on. How is that any different? Those cliques that form that ignore anyone walking past that make new RPers shy or skittish about doing walk up for fear they'll be ignored aren't always, or even often, ERP partners who want to ignore everyone else. It's all about comfort. They find a comfortable place with people they're comfortable with and they just forego worrying about anyone else. If one kind person decides to bring someone new in, great, shiny, but chances are they won't really bother.

 

Not everyone is like this, nor is every group or guild, but many of them do their in-guild events and don't even worry about asking their members to go out and RP around and spread their good or nefarious name through RP with non-guildies.

 

- And on the last point... I'm personally of the mindset that I don't care if anyone grows a thicker skin. I just don't think they need to berate others based on their own preconceived notions or past experiences. I don't think being overly reactive and outspoken about what other people do in their own time can be excused by 'being thin-skinned' so much as being intolerant. If someone says they can't stand people who want to have romantic involvements or whatever comes of them, I'm going to say 'Well, there are people who can, so don't speak for all of us.' S'it.

[Dravus]

Again, what isn't an issue for one role-player isn't necessarily the same for someone else. I'm not particularly bothered either way, I just enjoy exploring both sides of a debate instead of just one.

 

Exclusivity isn't always a bad thing, though I do feel as though role-players should be called out on effectively distancing themselves from potential interaction because they're far too busy focusing on emoting their character going at it like a demented rabbit.

 

It also serves to reinforce the negative stereotypes that a lot of players unfamiliar with role-play tend to tarnish many of us with. Heck, role-playing a blood elf back in WoW was often awkward because the majority of blood elf role-play was stereotyped - and in many cases rightly so - to be focused around tweenage drama, excessive ERP and power-play/cliques. There were certainly sparkling gems hidden within the filth that made it worth it, though.

 

Another problem I perceive is that tolerance can go a bit too far. I've seen people try and justify some very strange and explicit fetishes just because something completely unrelated is tolerated as well. That doesn't seem to be case here, thankfully - but it's certainly an issue I've encountered in other MMO's.

[Jove]

I put on my robe and wizard hat~

 

Eheheh couldn't resist.

 

Those links are a really good read and although a lot of it is common sense, it's always nice to have it all laid out like that.

 

I still remember this one incident in WoW, with this one character who kept harassing me via PMs with pretty indecent messages, just out of the blue, I didn't even know them! Really distracting when you're trying to hunt dinosaurs, seriously.

 

Anyway I'm all for romance in RP, relationships are the bread and butter of any good RP, whether that be two friends fighting monsters in a dungeon or two lovers chilling out on the beach. There's a lot of aspects you can explore when it comes to how characters act, and I think whatever you do, just give it the care and attention it deserves.

 

As the first link showed beautifully, there's a lot of difference between just emoting a kiss and actually setting up the scene and I think that lesson applies with more than just romantic situations. It's all about giving your creations that little flair of care and sending them on their merry ways to make the world a little more rich.

 

Umm. I kind of lost my train of thought. But yes, follow those simple guidelines in the OP, respect others above all else and put some damn effort into it! :lol:

 

Seriously though, I think the general advice linked by the OP is applicable to a lot of situations, friendships and conflict to name a couple. Just keep in mind that romance, lust and sex are all very different things that can have different consequences~

[Korin]

My concern is that all too often 'romance' in role-play is simply sought after and used as an excuse for the player behind the character wanting to get their rocks off. It's usually easy to tell  when this is the case, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Another issue is guilds that exist purely for the sake of ERP. It's pretty creepy, no matter how many attempts are made to dress them up as something completely different.

 

Another common issue I've encountered is that many role-players have a habit of ignoring everyone else when their character's partner is around. Sometimes this is on an IC basis, other times it's on an OOC basis instead. I've lost count of the amount of times I've stumbled across a 'generic mercenary' who simply walks off the moment a potential ERP partner arrives on the scene.

 

I'm not going to get into the whole debate regarding ERP, but to touch upon it lightly I firmly believe that it should be kept in private between consenting partners and shouldn't be layered with strange and unusual fetishes. Players passing by a tavern whilst questing don't need to see descriptive emotes detailing what a tavern wench is doing to a mercenary under a table.

 

Which is a common problem - many role-players seem to take the stance that because they aren't bothered by explicit stuff everyone else should just grow a thicker skin. That isn't exactly fair and I say this as someone who isn't afraid to touch on mature themes in my own role-play.

 

I was typing a wall of text and then I realised I probably went off into a bit of a rant on the subject.

 

I understand where you're coming from with this. What you've said isn't much different from what my opinion would be, really. I might just be unlucky, but in my experience it's been one of two things - As you already said, the people who ignore others when their partner is around. I've had many a short RP session brought to an abrupt end when X character logs on. I'm not one to get jealous or anything along those lines, but it isn't hard to piece together what is going on - Which I'd have no issues with! It just leads the way to a lot of things, for me - The fact that he or she is prancing off to RP with someone more important to their character is the last thing on my mind.

 

 I worry more about whether I'm a bad RPer - whether or not anybody really enjoys RPing with my characters. Is that why they rush off? It happens often enough. It's the same feeling as being a part of a guild with it's own inner cliques. They're already established and frankly, although they might not be all that unwelcoming, there's definitely a priority on who they'd rather be RPing with - Even if it's unintentional, it doesn't make a new member feel like a part of the group. This is just how I feel, as someone who is extremely reluctant to initiate RP due to a fear of being ignored or just being event fodder. Just saying here, even indirectly it's still a blow to someone's confidence.

 

It seems a little off topic, but essentially what I'm getting at here is that my eventual disinterest in RP popped up from the endless sea of couples, conveniently placed in the guilds I wanted to join, isolating my character. It's probably my own fault, I know - I'm extremely shy and reluctant to approach people in RP. Trying to approach a couple that turn up to an event is twice as hard. Do you interrupt them, or leave them to it? Isn't part of the fun in some events to meet new people, anyway? It's a bit of a dilemma for me.

 

...I wall of texted again, I think. Folks can ignore that rant if they're bored of it already C:

 

Aside from that, romantic RP doesn't bother me - People can go ahead. Just don't isolate people, and don't cross the boundary between IC and OOC. It's partially the reason I rolled a male character - I won't go into that rant here because it's water under the bridge now and I'm past caring (at least, I think so!) but it's horribly uncomfortable when someone takes an IC relationship in the wrong direction, I.E through the fourth wall. Just don't. That's in a generic situation, though. I know OOCly people can know each other on all kinds of different levels, but really - I hope saying this doesn't get people pouncing on me for whatever reason, but I imagine my point is there.

 

...Somewhere.

 

Also, apologies to you J'hared, I know I quoted you but this post isn't like a personal attack or anything! I just agree with what you said, mostly, and felt the need to throw my own opinions out there!

 

/rant off

 

 

Also, to the OP - It was a good read! It's given me a little more of a positive view on this type of RP that I've rarely explored. My own experiences with it were somewhat offputting but it's nice to see what other people think without treading into a flamefest of romance VS ERP or whatnot - I tend to avoid the subject so I appreciate it.

 

...Eugh, I definitely went off topic there. I can't even be bothered to re-read it myself, so I don't blame anyone for skipping this rant. x___x

[Therese Villefort]

No no, dont worry. Your point is there and what you said is right. It's also perfectly understandable how and why you feel like you do.

 

For the "getting ignored part", oneself cant do much about it, just act otherwise him/herself. I try not to ignore people and if i get emoted at or greeted, i will always react to that. Even if my chars love interest is there. ^^

I admit that maybe my RP concentrated on my chars love interests too much in the past, but i learned that's not good and changed respectively.

 

It's just common sense. As differently as RPers are, as different are their behaviours, but in the end we all are always learning to some extend.

[Ronberku]

I tend to love romance and everything it entails around it. Which includes the erp part. I’m not ashamed to say this. I used too though lol but I guess getting older made me just go “meh, better they know it now than finding out and go all *gasp*”

 

However my biggest gripe with romance that I’ve had happen in past mmorpg’s are:

 

- People deciding to instantly fall in love and create a relationship in less than a day. I want the romance and love to bloom IC like a well nurtured budding rose.

 

- People not separating IC with RL. I even added this on my profile. But I always make a clear line for myself between the two. And usually feel awkward when I notice my partner crossing that line(happens all too often). Which usually leaves me with a mental state off “Great… How should I deal with this now… Let’s toss in some regular conversations topic…Nope that didn’t work at all.”

 

- I tend to be quite detailed when roleplaying. This means the things that were written on that linked blog is the way I also roleplay. It almost felt like I was reading something I wrote myself. This off course means, long descriptions, which some people might not like ingame. Or I get a short /em line back as reply.

 

 

That said, a well played romance can add so much to a roleplay experience. Even a short romantic encounter can be fun. Sometimes people have a crush, or the mood causes a short encounter to happen.

[K'nahli]

And yes, remember that there is a boundry between RP and RL, be wary of skirting that line. I've seen some creepy things happen in the past lol.

 

This made me laugh www

I can just imagine two people RP'ing an ERP scene and then the next(real-life) morning, one says OOCly to the other;

 

"Last night was amazing"

 

Vinrael

 

I worry more about whether I'm a bad RPer - whether or not anybody really enjoys RPing with my characters. Is that why they rush off? It happens often enough. It's the same feeling as being a part of a guild with it's own inner cliques. They're already established and frankly, although they might not be all that unwelcoming, there's definitely a priority on who they'd rather be RPing with - Even if it's unintentional, it doesn't make a new member feel like a part of the group. This is just how I feel, as someone who is extremely reluctant to initiate RP due to a fear of being ignored or just being event fodder. Just saying here, even indirectly it's still a blow to someone's confidence.

 

Wahh,I feel the same way. I can never take anyone seriously if they tell me otherwise because I think they are just trying to be nice. Every time is so nerve-racking ;;

[IncubusManatee]

I read through quite a bit of this thread-and also the links. Overall some good discussion going on here and some good information brought to light. I must say-Thank you to the OP, those are very good informational's you handed out. Will be useful to anyone who was a little on the new side or iffy. Also explains a lot in good detail.

 

 

Now, let me give some quick rundown's on things from my past ERP/RRP experience:

 

1: Romance doesn't need to involve ERP. It can be just like any movie/story out there-love doesn't have to always cross over into sexual things. 

 

2: The creep's are usually very easy to spot. Some are not. Just be cautious with whom you have said RP with.

 

3: If anything-and I mean ANYTHING-ever makes you uncomfortable; make it known and work it out with the party in hand. You should never feel forced into anything. And if you do, back out. Something is wrong.

[YesGood]

On the topic of ignoring people when you're in a couple--

 

For new RPers especially, it's really easy to suffer from peer pressure. People who feel somewhat insecure about their RP and whether or not it's any good find some semblance of security in a solid RP relationship. When the person they RP with gets on and goes "You need to come RP with me nao" they'll usually do it because they don't want to be thrown away and have all their RP go down the toilet just because they felt they were 'neglecting' their character's significant other.

 

The whole time issue comes into play here. For those RP partners who realize there's going to be a schedule for one of them, they're trying to make every moment count. All other RP at that point is extraneous, it's walk up, it -might- develop their character, but they're plateau'd into the comfort zone with one person. That also contributes to the pressure thing.

 

People can become jealous or possessive over the people they RP intimately with; one of the best aspects to black hole RP is that you're not writing something intimate and it keeps a level of detachment well in hand. They might not intend to feel that way, but it's fairly normal for newer people especially. You're showing a little part of you that you're probably embarrassed of and those same doubts about your quality might arise in the face of the potential of your partner ditching you for someone better. Many people don't -mean- to sound like nags.

 

RP partnerships shouldn't be exclusive with their RP, but in many cases it will be. You'll think you want someone to do walk up with you all the time but if you're in the middle of an extremely intense scene and someone strides up with a 'Oh hi, guys, can you point me towards the Adventurers' Guild?' you might not be as open to getting really in depth with them. It takes the pair of RPers who are together to acknowledge everything before hand, set their boundaries, and be supportive of each other and all other RPers they meet. As much as I hate to say it, you're developing friendships with the people you RP with-- you're getting to know their style and their approach to their character and while it's not a requirement, it helps to be tactful and helpful to -anyone- you choose to roleplay with.

 

I, personally, understand and I want so badly to remain neutral about the people I RP with and not get to know them very well OOCly. It just doesn't happen. I want to check in on people who've asked me questions OOC and see how they're doing and try to help them out. That same quality makes me... pretty awful at RP relationships, I think, as much as I enjoy them.

[IncubusManatee]

On the topic of ignoring people when you're in a couple--

 

For new RPers especially, it's really easy to suffer from peer pressure. People who feel somewhat insecure about their RP and whether or not it's any good find some semblance of security in a solid RP relationship. When the person they RP with gets on and goes "You need to come RP with me nao" they'll usually do it because they don't want to be thrown away and have all their RP go down the toilet just because they felt they were 'neglecting' their character's significant other.

 

The whole time issue comes into play here. For those RP partners who realize there's going to be a schedule for one of them, they're trying to make every moment count. All other RP at that point is extraneous, it's walk up, it -might- develop their character, but they're plateau'd into the comfort zone with one person. That also contributes to the pressure thing.

 

People can become jealous or possessive over the people they RP intimately with; one of the best aspects to black hole RP is that you're not writing something intimate and it keeps a level of detachment well in hand. They might not intend to feel that way, but it's fairly normal for newer people especially. You're showing a little part of you that you're probably embarrassed of and those same doubts about your quality might arise in the face of the potential of your partner ditching you for someone better. Many people don't -mean- to sound like nags.

 

RP partnerships shouldn't be exclusive with their RP, but in many cases it will be. You'll think you want someone to do walk up with you all the time but if you're in the middle of an extremely intense scene and someone strides up with a 'Oh hi, guys, can you point me towards the Adventurers' Guild?' you might not be as open to getting really in depth with them. It takes the pair of RPers who are together to acknowledge everything before hand, set their boundaries, and be supportive of each other and all other RPers they meet. As much as I hate to say it, you're developing friendships with the people you RP with-- you're getting to know their style and their approach to their character and while it's not a requirement, it helps to be tactful and helpful to -anyone- you choose to roleplay with.

 

I, personally, understand and I want so badly to remain neutral about the people I RP with and not get to know them very well OOCly. It just doesn't happen. I want to check in on people who've asked me questions OOC and see how they're doing and try to help them out. That same quality makes me... pretty awful at RP relationships, I think, as much as I enjoy them.

 

A very good point you have pointed out, Sio. *Yoda voice*

 

Though on your last part:

 

Caring about people-not the RP characters-but the actual people behind them is not a negative thing. Making friend's outside JUST the game is not an issue-but when you blur the line between being friends and MORE then that due to the RP in question is where things get more dicey.

 

As you said, set border's, communicate. Etc.etc.

[YesGood]

 

A very good point you have pointed out, Sio. *Yoda voice*

 

Though on your last part:

 

Caring about people-not the RP characters-but the actual people behind them is not a negative thing. Making friend's outside JUST the game is not an issue-but when you blur the line between being friends and MORE then that due to the RP in question is where things get more dicey.

 

As you said, set border's, communicate. Etc.etc.

 

Caring too much, I think, becomes a problem. When you start to feel involved in their IC drama or OOC drama, it becomes difficult to maintain a friendship and remain unbiased and not allow things to affect your RP.

 

The borders and communication before hand poses a little bit of an issue for me. Using Ronberku's method as an example-- many people want things to develop slowly over time. I do too! I'll be honest. If someone tells me OOCly before we RP that they want a romantic relationship with my character ONLY if I'll be their girlfriend... I'm... probably... going to... avoid that. I mean, it's hypocritical for me to say it but I know that it won't end well. Similarly, I like to know before hand, if it's possible, whether or not the person RPing a character that my toon might be interested in (even if there's just a sliiiiim hope) isn't going to be crazy and angry and verbally abusive OOC later. I'd like to just let it go as it goes but I hate retconning and sometimes it's just inevitable when relationships ICly go awry.

[IncubusManatee]

 

A very good point you have pointed out, Sio. *Yoda voice*

 

Though on your last part:

 

Caring about people-not the RP characters-but the actual people behind them is not a negative thing. Making friend's outside JUST the game is not an issue-but when you blur the line between being friends and MORE then that due to the RP in question is where things get more dicey.

 

As you said, set border's, communicate. Etc.etc.

 

Caring too much, I think, becomes a problem. When you start to feel involved in their IC drama or OOC drama, it becomes difficult to maintain a friendship and remain unbiased and not allow things to affect your RP.

 

The borders and communication before hand poses a little bit of an issue for me. Using Ronberku's method as an example-- many people want things to develop slowly over time. I do too! I'll be honest. If someone tells me OOCly before we RP that they want a romantic relationship with my character ONLY if I'll be their girlfriend... I'm... probably... going to... avoid that. I mean, it's hypocritical for me to say it but I know that it won't end well. Similarly, I like to know before hand, if it's possible, whether or not the person RPing a character that my toon might be interested in (even if there's just a sliiiiim hope) isn't going to be crazy and angry and verbally abusive OOC later. I'd like to just let it go as it goes but I hate retconning and sometimes it's just inevitable when relationships ICly go awry.

 

You make another good point.

 

Can't really argue against it, (Since I love playing devil's advocate) as I have felt first hand what happens when things become "Too Close" and the person's OOC/IC Drama begins to ruin your actual daily life, or RP, or anything involving them. Or those involved in the situation.

 

And yeah, it's bordering on creepy when someone say's: "Can I be your boyfriend/girlfriend" as a pre-req to Romance in RP. Maybe in certain circumstances, such as knowing that person for year's and such-mayyyyyyyybe. Really big maaaayyyyyyyybeeeee.

[Swift Nightclaw]

The issue I have with romance RP is that so often it becomes the focal point of all RP.  I'm going to use WoW as an example for this one.

 

I've been in a long running IC channel on my WoW server where once upon a time the conversation would run the gamut from IC arguing over wandering eyes (with others joining in the RP to the point of having side conversations as they lean back and watch the sparks fly) to planning an assault on enemy bases, to preparations for upcoming events, to discussions of the current world events.  But that was a time long gone by and over time, it became essentially a channel of purely IC relationship drama (though thankfully no OOC problems confused into the mix).

 

With the recent expansion focusing on the war between two factions, the discover/invasion of a new land, a new culture discovered, a new monstrous force, and the growing threat of the expansion's primary antagonist, the IC channel became focused on.........romance.  Who was dating who, who missed who, who was sleeping with who, who was jealous of who, who was depressed because of broken relationships.  No more friends lost in battle, no more mourning, no more revenge, no more plans and plots, no more action.

 

Romance RP has its place, it's part of life and RP is playing out this character's life.  But when the entire world is crumbling and falling down atop your head, do you really dedicate every waking moment to your relationship?  And when someone tries to bring up conversation of current events, and it doesn't go anywhere for more than a few comments before it's back to relationship drama, then I feel like the romance has become too all encompassing.

 

The majority of people's lives don't revolve around this drama, though it can spur motivations.  A broken relationship can make an adventurer reckless, seeking more and more danger to keep their mind off the lost love.  Some could focus on work to keep their mind off what's causing them stress.  Some simply compartmentalize what they deal with and when.  And some, of course, dedicate themselves so completely to their tasks they forsake relationships (which can also be fun to RP when they are simply driven and dedicated and don't realize they've put up walls...moreso if someone finds them interesting).

 

My only advice and point of this rant is to treat romance RP realistically.  Romance is a part of life, but it is not generally the sole source of it.  There are a great many things going on in the world that player characters are likely to be exposed to. Don't completely ignore them.

 

Unless you're in the puppy love phase of a romance RP.  Then Bahamut might not distract you from your love interest.

[IncubusManatee]

The issue I have with romance RP is that so often it becomes the focal point of all RP.  I'm going to use WoW as an example for this one.

 

I've been in a long running IC channel on my WoW server where once upon a time the conversation would run the gamut from IC arguing over wandering eyes (with others joining in the RP to the point of having side conversations as they lean back and watch the sparks fly) to planning an assault on enemy bases, to preparations for upcoming events, to discussions of the current world events.  But that was a time long gone by and over time, it became essentially a channel of purely IC relationship drama (though thankfully no OOC problems confused into the mix).

 

With the recent expansion focusing on the war between two factions, the discover/invasion of a new land, a new culture discovered, a new monstrous force, and the growing threat of the expansion's primary antagonist, the IC channel became focused on.........romance.  Who was dating who, who missed who, who was sleeping with who, who was jealous of who, who was depressed because of broken relationships.  No more friends lost in battle, no more mourning, no more revenge, no more plans and plots, no more action.

 

Romance RP has its place, it's part of life and RP is playing out this character's life.  But when the entire world is crumbling and falling down atop your head, do you really dedicate every waking moment to your relationship?  And when someone tries to bring up conversation of current events, and it doesn't go anywhere for more than a few comments before it's back to relationship drama, then I feel like the romance has become too all encompassing.

 

The majority of people's lives don't revolve around this drama, though it can spur motivations.  A broken relationship can make an adventurer reckless, seeking more and more danger to keep their mind off the lost love.  Some could focus on work to keep their mind off what's causing them stress.  Some simply compartmentalize what they deal with and when.  And some, of course, dedicate themselves so completely to their tasks they forsake relationships (which can also be fun to RP when they are simply driven and dedicated and don't realize they've put up walls...moreso if someone finds them interesting).

 

My only advice and point of this rant is to treat romance RP realistically.  Romance is a part of life, but it is not generally the sole source of it.  There are a great many things going on in the world that player characters are likely to be exposed to. Don't completely ignore them.

 

Unless you're in the puppy love phase of a romance RP.  Then Bahamut might not distract you from your love interest.

 

To be honest with you-I would have hated to be in that chatroom on WoW. Even though I wouldn't be on there in the first place; it would be a horrifying experience to have all conversations revolving around romance. It sound's like they got a bit obsessive over it. >_> Extremely obsessive.

[erosskye]

My concern is that all too often 'romance' in role-play is simply sought after and used as an excuse for the player behind the character wanting to get their rocks off. It's usually easy to tell  when this is the case, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Another issue is guilds that exist purely for the sake of ERP. It's pretty creepy, no matter how many attempts are made to dress them up as something completely different.

 

Another common issue I've encountered is that many role-players have a habit of ignoring everyone else when their character's partner is around. Sometimes this is on an IC basis, other times it's on an OOC basis instead. I've lost count of the amount of times I've stumbled across a 'generic mercenary' who simply walks off the moment a potential ERP partner arrives on the scene.

 

I'm not going to get into the whole debate regarding ERP, but to touch upon it lightly I firmly believe that it should be kept in private between consenting partners and shouldn't be layered with strange and unusual fetishes. Players passing by a tavern whilst questing don't need to see descriptive emotes detailing what a tavern wench is doing to a mercenary under a table.

 

Which is a common problem - many role-players seem to take the stance that because they aren't bothered by explicit stuff everyone else should just grow a thicker skin. That isn't exactly fair and I say this as someone who isn't afraid to touch on mature themes in my own role-play.

 

I was typing a wall of text and then I realised I probably went off into a bit of a rant on the subject.

 

I understand where you're coming from with this. What you've said isn't much different from what my opinion would be, really. I might just be unlucky, but in my experience it's been one of two things - As you already said, the people who ignore others when their partner is around. I've had many a short RP session brought to an abrupt end when X character logs on. I'm not one to get jealous or anything along those lines, but it isn't hard to piece together what is going on - Which I'd have no issues with! It just leads the way to a lot of things, for me - The fact that he or she is prancing off to RP with someone more important to their character is the last thing on my mind.

 

 I worry more about whether I'm a bad RPer - whether or not anybody really enjoys RPing with my characters. Is that why they rush off? It happens often enough. It's the same feeling as being a part of a guild with it's own inner cliques. They're already established and frankly, although they might not be all that unwelcoming, there's definitely a priority on who they'd rather be RPing with - Even if it's unintentional, it doesn't make a new member feel like a part of the group. This is just how I feel, as someone who is extremely reluctant to initiate RP due to a fear of being ignored or just being event fodder. Just saying here, even indirectly it's still a blow to someone's confidence.

 

It seems a little off topic, but essentially what I'm getting at here is that my eventual disinterest in RP popped up from the endless sea of couples, conveniently placed in the guilds I wanted to join, isolating my character. It's probably my own fault, I know - I'm extremely shy and reluctant to approach people in RP. Trying to approach a couple that turn up to an event is twice as hard. Do you interrupt them, or leave them to it? Isn't part of the fun in some events to meet new people, anyway? It's a bit of a dilemma for me.

 

...I wall of texted again, I think. Folks can ignore that rant if they're bored of it already C:

 

Aside from that, romantic RP doesn't bother me - People can go ahead. Just don't isolate people, and don't cross the boundary between IC and OOC. It's partially the reason I rolled a male character - I won't go into that rant here because it's water under the bridge now and I'm past caring (at least, I think so!) but it's horribly uncomfortable when someone takes an IC relationship in the wrong direction, I.E through the fourth wall. Just don't. That's in a generic situation, though. I know OOCly people can know each other on all kinds of different levels, but really - I hope saying this doesn't get people pouncing on me for whatever reason, but I imagine my point is there.

 

...Somewhere.

 

Also, apologies to you J'hared, I know I quoted you but this post isn't like a personal attack or anything! I just agree with what you said, mostly, and felt the need to throw my own opinions out there!

 

/rant off

 

 

Also, to the OP - It was a good read! It's given me a little more of a positive view on this type of RP that I've rarely explored. My own experiences with it were somewhat offputting but it's nice to see what other people think without treading into a flamefest of romance VS ERP or whatnot - I tend to avoid the subject so I appreciate it.

 

...Eugh, I definitely went off topic there. I can't even be bothered to re-read it myself, so I don't blame anyone for skipping this rant. x___x

While this post was slightly off topic it was great. It really opens up a new door that needs to be walked through and I will be starting a new class on the subject when I get home from work. Thanks for this post!

[Lan Darklyn]

Lets just all make sure that the Roe ladies get the chance for love too...Just sayin lol

[LiadansWhisper]

Lets just all make sure that the Roe ladies get the chance for love too...Just sayin lol

 

You should make that your personal mission.  

[YesGood]

Lets just all make sure that the Roe ladies get the chance for love too...Just sayin lol

 

You should make that your personal mission.  

 

Seconded!

 

In response to Swift Nightclaw:

 

 Yanno, that tried me too on WRA. Sooooo many couples. So many. GUILDS dedicated to couples. I met a pair of RP partners who had not one but TWO guilds basically built around their IC relationships with their characters. Not one or two characters.... ELEVEN CHARACTERS EACH.

 

Geez. I remember better days with RP in WoW but now it -does- seem like a lot of mama-drama. I can't say the expansion really helps. But what I've seen that might be playing a big role besides a bit of coveting when people see one really good IC couple is the big focus on not taking IC events into your character. Yeah, there were Kor'kron about and they were supposedly beating up some of the rebels but when I found when I asked what all was happening on my Sin'dorei ranger-- I got a lot of varied responses. Some said the Vol'jin thing was already happening. Some said it hadn't happened yet (because it hadn't concluded.) Some people said it was already over. Mind you, this was all in character and during the Dark Spear Rebellion.

 

I think it's just a lot easier for some people to stick to focusing on their character's immediate life than risking sounding silly to someone else or being told they're wrong for assuming what's happening at a different rate in time.

 

Of course, people just generally have a tendency to want to focus on their character. Sure, they might agree not to have their characters be super heroes or grand champions renown by all the world, but some just want to be the hero or the leader or the person who's actually developing their character with no care or concern who else is trying to develop. I've seen a -lot- of this too in WoW. Whole events and guilds built on progressing the storylines of one or two people. I think the mentality also extends to -some- people who are overly concerned with the romantic relationship of their characters; because then you're only focusing on two people and not having to worry about anyone else. It's a guaranteed method of character development if you make your partner RP with you every waking moment.

 

It can also just as easy and often does flat-line. Things tend to get pretty stale when you're not paying attention to what else is going on around you and you're DMing little things for your two toons.