The How To Help Newbie RPers In Making Connections Forum

[Aya]

I think you're misunderstanding and unintentionally just stating things that are rather obvious to many.

 

...

 

At some point that ceases to be a case of 'try, try, again' and more to do with a need to address the rot that exists within the community.

I have not, and I still (quite simply) disagree entirely.  My assessment of our community is diametrically at odds with yours, and that's just all there is to it.  Outside of these forums I hear the exact opposite of what you're expressing: I hear comments about how wonderful our community is, how welcoming, nice, and helpful it is.  I hear from players so happy they switched servers, and from those brand new to the game who feel it is a breath of fresh air to have so many RPers around. 

 

I can't comment on why your experience has been so different, I really have no idea.  I am sorry it has been, and I'm glad to hear that your FC has at least made things better!  There are certainly anecdotal examples of some of the things you've mentioned, and I've observed what I'd consider negative trends in certain groups, and in certain FCs at times too, but that's what happens in a community with this many people.  Its not all lollipops and rainbows, but overall its a really great place for RP!

 

So my advice is exactly the same as it was: keep trying! Be optimistic! Be persistent!  We're out there!  Fun is just waiting to happen!

[ArmachiA]

Aya, you're kinda... part of the popular crowd though, your experience would be VERY different.

 

All I'm saying.

[Dravus]

You're perfectly free to disagree, Aya! I'm not denying that the community is useful or pleasant - I'm specifically referring to toxic elements that exist - sometimes among those who are active, popular and post here frequently.

 

Yes, a lot of people do find what they seek. That's great! Others, however, do not - and in some cases the blame isn't on their shoulders. Like I mentioned earlier, the Miqo'te's post isn't an isolated case. I don't expect you to have caught all the other similar posts over the last couple of years - but they're there on this site somewhere.

[Tiergan]

While I don't disagree that sometimes it's all about making the right kind of effort (I've had some awkward experiences that I'll just leave out for now :V) - I also agree that we shouldn't really be assuming that everyone who is having an issue isn't making that effort and leave it at that.

 

Also, this is going to sound slightly derp, but he's also male miqo'te and we're basically a dime a dozen, which makes it even harder to get attention sometimes. Add on the fact that he seems to be shy and has a shy character and it can be triply hard.

[Aya]

Aya, you're kinda... part of the popular crowd though, your experience would be VERY different.

 

All I'm saying.

And I always was?  I was never entirely new to the RPC, with all of my active RP friends having quit, my FC having fallen apart, and no real idea where to begin or where to go to find RP?  I was close to quitting because the game just hadn't been fun for a little while.  I couldn't find RP in Gridania, and I didn't really care for Ul'dah.

 

I met new people first on the forum, and then in-game.  I did have to make the hard decision to cut my ties to Gridania and move on to Ul'dah, something that today I do not regret at all (though I hope it is less necessary).  I pushed my character onto a new trajectory, and put myself in position to meet new people on a regular basis.  I did not simply leap onto the forums and find myself blessed with a bunch of friends.  Instead I did exactly what I am suggesting: I approached people, I talked to them, I tried again and again to make friends.  Sometimes it doesn't work, even now every night I RP at the Quick Sand I'll have people dismiss Aya with no desire to interact.  That's just life... I don't know how else to put it

 

That said, I think the majority of people that I RP with in a given week are entirely new to me.  There are definitely recurring characters in my casual RP, people I know now from a year of interaction, but you'd probably be surprised how little time I get to have with these friends, and how much I spend with people I've never met before.  That's less so at the moment with so much of my RP being centered around Verad's plot, but this is an anomaly for my time in FF RP.  And the wonderful thing is that terrific and fun people are joining up fresh for FF RP every single day.  Its a beautiful, wonderful thing.

 

Others, however, do not - and in some cases the blame isn't on their shoulders.

I also agree that we shouldn't really be assuming that everyone who is having an issue isn't making that effort and leave it at that.

I cast no blame! I am only offering advice.  The onus falls unfairly on new people, that's just an unfortunate fact of social interaction.

 

By the way, for a while when I first started to RP in Ul'dah I even did exactly what Nara'to described! He's probably done an even better job of it than I did. The Quick Sand was a pretty sleepy place back then.. and.. it never did any good for me either. It was only when I started to approach people more frequently that things started to get better. And I do realize it won't work for everyone, but I think until you've given it a good try, you really don't know what the possibilities are. Social anxiety is a very real thing (I certainly feel it too), and some of our initial attempts are clumsy and awkward. But, as the saying goes, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[ArmachiA]

This is one of those things where your seeing it from a different light, though. You were very lucky to get into the popular group, some aren't so lucky. Hell, most aren't that lucky. You get to talk to a bunch of new people because you are in a position where people want to RP with YOU by your reputation. That isn't the case for these new people. Especially if their RP style isn't quite compatible with the "Inner Circle" - they either fall in line or get left behind.

 

AGAIN, I'm not saying this is always the case or it's a bad thing - as people should rp with who makes them happy - but you know, let's be real here. If you want to actually help the problem you gotta be real about certain aspects of the problem

 

Myself, I never have a problem finding RP, since my FC is self sustaining, but I understand how hard it can be if you come to Balmung by yourself without an established group of RP friends.

[Gone.]

I just post in threads with characters or concepts that interest me and I know I have time to address. I also try my best to contact that person in-game, but I can get focused on other things and so that doesn't always happen, but I do make an attempt when possible.

 

Other than that, there's nothing else I or anyone else can do. Ultimately it's up to the thread creator if they're willing to reciprocate the interest; RP can't be forced, only grown from a mutual desire.

 

Edit: On the subject of time zones and available days... this just isn't helpful for everyone. For myself, I'm off and on throughout the afternoon, evening and night most any day. There really isn't a specific time that works best.

[Aya]

I think you're really overestimating any positive effect I get from that.  Most everyone I meet is because I approach them at the QS or some other situation.  

 

I am very rarely approached - I can only think of two people who have done so recently.  So... If you can tell me where to find this circle of popular RP friends who always want to RP with me I'd really appreciate it! ^^

 

All I am saying is there is reason for hope! Things are probably a -whole- lot less about who knows who than you think.  A huge chunk, if not the majority of RPers in Ul'Dah aren't even on the RPC to figure out who the supposedly popular people are.  I just encourage people to do the best the can and summon the courage to start social encounters.  That really is the hardest part.

 

Yawn... I typed this on my phone before bed, please forgive the weirdness!

[Merri]

I suppose I can offer a view point from the other side of the fence that, in all honesty, isn't all that different. I've been around for, well, a really long time. I've been a part of various linkshells. I've tried leading my own. I've been in and out of different groups as they rise up and then disappear into nothingness.

 

However, just like some of the new players here, I too have had a great deal of difficulty in finding people to roleplay with, even as long as I've been around. Granted, I primarily play FFXIV for the PvE aspects of the game, RP is something I much enjoy in my downtime. However, while my character might be friendly and outgoing, I struggle. I'm very shy, in reality. There are so many occasions where I'll be sitting around looking for something to do. I might happen by some roleplayers, or some one sitting by themselves, and yet even then I can't really bring myself to bother them just because of my tendency to be shy. Even with people I know.

 

I'll sit by myself, and let others approach me, and happily engage them-- ....but I've never really had it in me to spontaneously engage others. I will on occasion, but, it's rare. Part of that shyness, I suppose. It can be rough. Even when you find people you enjoy roleplaying with, as more often than not they'll be off with their linkshells or their free companies, and if you aren't a part of it, well, it can seem difficult to get a foot in the door. Doubly so when you find yourself worried that you might be a burden, or put a damper on their roleplay experience with their group of friends since you're the outsider.

 

I know I second guess myself at times, and wind up just keeping quiet as to not step on any toes. The last thing you want to do is be the burden, right? Last thing you want to do is force yourself in somewhere you might not be wanted, which is perfectly fair. Not every situation calls for every character. Regardless, I know I'm guilty of what has been stated in this thread. Leaving a simple "Hey, I'd be happy to roleplay, just give me a poke in-game!" or even going so far as to be in touch with some one and then get lost somewhere along the way.

 

Sure, you can try and put yourself out there, but it won't always work. Some times it honestly seems like you just kind of need to luck out and land in the right group of people at the right time. But even then, it might be fleeting. Groups come and go constantly. Other times you'll try, only to be shut down. I know I've had a few experiences, even some relatively recently, where I've tried to get to know a group, only to basically be ignored by everyone present as they all conversed amongst themselves. It's kind of a bummer, but, I wound up giving up on the prospect and moved on. If you can't get the time of day, there isn't much of a point in worrying about it.

 

Of course, I also know I'm guilty of not being there for people. I'm a raider at my core, which is another thing I know people have dug into me for in the past. I get caught up playing the game, and there has been many occasions where I've had to turn some one down because I was busy doing X content or I just flat space out when I have a mess of in-game goals on my to-do list. Conversely, I've found it hard to sync up with people I enjoy roleplaying with because they too are doing in-game content. Yet when they finish, they have their own linkshell and free company plots to go run, and I generally wind up diddling my thumbs for a bit before wandering off to craft or something.

 

All of that being said. Roleplay is supposed to be an enjoyable experience. Something fun. A hobby. Despite my own personal difficulties, I do my best not to let it bother me. It is what it is. I know there's people out there who do enjoy roleplaying with me, and I cherish the time we find. I know there's people out there who dislike me, and probably will do their damnedest to avoid me, and that's okay. I might not find as much roleplay as I'd like these days, but, I know a lot of it, if not all of it, is on me. So yeah. It can be difficult to find connections for a myriad reasons, even if you aren't new. I guess when it boils down to it, though, I'd say to just keep at it. Don't let rejection discourage you. Don't let negative experiences get you down. Take a break for a few days, and try again with a new crowd. It might take some time, but, one day you might find that one person that sets everything in motion.

 

...I'm terrible at advice like this.

[Aife]

I've been playing ffxiv on Balmung since a month after release. My first year as a role player on balmung I didn't interact with hardly anyone outside of my fc. I didn't go to any rp events. I didn't go to the Quicksand. I had hardly anyone to rp with because I actively wasn't seeking rp. 

 

Eventually my said fc fell apart. I came back from hiatus and decided I wanted a fresh started. I started rping with a new toon, actively went to rp events, the Quicksand and even walked around the Goblet a few times rping with people in front of their houses. 

 

Guess which one had the better response and resulted in me breaking into the rp community and having a close circle of rp friends now?

 

My point, and this may came across as harsh, is if you're not actively out there seeking rp generally nothing happens. Don't sit at the QS not interacting with people and expect them to approach you. That generally doesn't work. Also, if you want something interesting to happen to your character, go out and make it happen. I've noticed a lot of rpers complain they don't have anything interesting happening with their characters or very few rp contacts but they don't actively seek out other rpers.

 

If Aya is really "popular" it's only due to the fact that her character works at the Quicksand and is presented with numerous chances to rp which she takes. Want to make new friends? Go out and find them. If someone ignores you in the QS, move onto someone new or give it a few nights of attempts. I know I had to go to a lot of effort to establish a wide circle of rp friends and acquaintances but I'm glad I did.

[John Spiegel]

Hire a group to do a thing!

 

Rather than scoping the adventurer's guild for the 100th person to talk to (I ain't banging that technique) for someone to tell your story to and hopefully join them in adventures, hire a group! That's why there's merc groups or free agents!

 

It's a different and unique way to meet new characters and possibly ones that simply aren't centered in Ul'dah or frequent taverns. Setting up a job, no matter how large or small, requires a good bit of legwork on your part with the prospecting group.

 

Something like:

 

1. Initial meeting (wandering to that group's HQ)/letter correspondence

2. Job meeting

3. Job!

4. Post-job success/fail debriefing.

5. ????

6. Profit!

 

While I personally don't frequent the Quicksands that much, I have run into random folks by, well, wandering the wilds. No doubt some folks have seen a bald one-eyed man in black armor walking a path in the Shroud. Even scratched out a job by randomly wandering into a RPer ICly looking for directions.

 

It's 5AM and I think that's all a coherent post... I'll punctuate this with the most important thing ever. Coffee.

[Nebbs]

Good topic

 

I think the essence of this is very simple, as the person looking for RP and the ones offering it just say a bit more about  the logistics (times, places) and the style. I will be taking this on board in my own responses.

 

I would suggest keeping it simple, and focusing on the needs of those looking for RP. People will go about things in different ways, what may look helpful for some can be scary for others. Personally I hate forms, lists, lots of text, instructions and prefer organic, trial & error, mutual adjustments, the fun of failure (learning). Show me a staged plan and I will walk the other way, while others will get a sense of relief that such a thing exists.

[Kellach Woods]

It doesn't help that the main RP hub people use is outright inhospitable for new players due to the way the game works. Scrolling text and text that AUTO-SCROLLS to the bottom makes it hard for all parties involved to actively look for posts. Even tells can get eaten if the chime isn't heard. This is partially why I've been saying fuck the Quicksand for so long (other part is because I, the player, hate Ul'dah period).

 

Also, when you broke into the scene helps. Right now I wouldn't say it's impossible but it's much harder to do that on your lonesome. I managed to do it (even then massive caveat because if it wasn't for the folks at XI:7 I wouldn't have the contacts I have now), but I also believe it's because of (WARNING : SELF-CONGRATULATORY POST FOLLOWS) my character's... interesting looks (I only say that because the looks themselves are very polarizing) and because he's extremely nice and idiotic so the chances of rubbing someone the wrong way is extremely low (when it happens though, IT IS GLORIOUS). It's, however, extremely hard for people to do that without having an in. You can't jam your foot in the door if the door's perpetually closed.

 

In short, you get mentored or you end up wandering completely lost. Does that work? For some, yes. For the majority it doesn't seem to be working considering the amount of posts we get about people not being able to find RP.

 

Also I find coming into this thread and essentially stating "fuck you I got mine".

[Berrod Armstrong]

It doesn't help that the main RP hub people use is outright inhospitable for new players due to the way the game works. Scrolling text and text that AUTO-SCROLLS to the bottom makes it hard for all parties involved to actively look for posts. Even tells can get eaten if the chime isn't heard. This is partially why I've been saying fuck the Quicksand for so long (other part is because I, the player, hate Ul'dah period).

 

Also, when you broke into the scene helps. Right now I wouldn't say it's impossible but it's much harder to do that on your lonesome. I managed to do it (even then massive caveat because if it wasn't for the folks at XI:7 I wouldn't have the contacts I have now), but I also believe it's because of (WARNING : SELF-CONGRATULATORY POST FOLLOWS) my character's... interesting looks (I only say that because the looks themselves are very polarizing) and because he's extremely nice and idiotic so the chances of rubbing someone the wrong way is extremely low (when it happens though, IT IS GLORIOUS). It's, however, extremely hard for people to do that without having an in. You can't jam your foot in the door if the door's perpetually closed.

 

In short, you get mentored or you end up wandering completely lost. Does that work? For some, yes. For the majority it doesn't seem to be working considering the amount of posts we get about people not being able to find RP.

 

Also I find coming into this thread and essentially stating "fuck you I got mine" is counter-productive to this thread.

More like, 'this is how I got mine, why don't you try [this], [that], [the other]...?'. That door being closed is a perception. That door is wide open in so many ways. 

 

HoD bar nights. The Grindstone. Housing District crawling. Poking people OOC. 

 

I only knew a few people when I started in this game, and I still managed to make connections in the community by just. Approaching people. 

 

Catcalling pretty girls in the street (this is in character, Berrod was a thug), making offhand in character comments about a conversation (it's actually a decent hook!), sitting down next to someone in a bar and making conversation (don't forget to have your character introduce themselves, and perhaps ask for a friend-add after the roleplay! Do this over and over again and my word, the connections you make...!), seeking out and attending the big public events -- my first Grindstone was amazing, and I always recommend it to anyone who wants to be exposed to a lot of people and make some connections (healers get it easy! Fighters make friends and rivals -- and sometimes fans! Spectators can MINGLE). 

 

'Being popular' is not something that just happens. It's something that is a result of persistence, politeness, and maybe little bit of quality (if you nasty). It makes no sense to begrudge anyone for the results of their efforts regarding getting connected to others. 

 

Yes, sometimes repeated attempts to interact with certain people may fail -- but there are SO MANY OTHER people out there! Yes, you may be shy or reluctant to approach people, but if roleplay is what you want, this is what it's going to take to get it. I can try to say 'hey it's okay, lots of people are shy', which is true. People can see and try to help as well, but the effort required is a reality that has always been, and isn't going to change. 

 

I tend not to respond to new roleplayer threads here because I can't make any guarantees based on how busy I usually am. However, I DO keep an eye out for those people in game, and if someone contacts me directly because they saw something interesting of mine, I sure as hell make the effort to accommodate them. There are times when I too, show interest in another roleplayer and speak with them for a while before we arrange roleplay. 

 

If it's what you want, keep trying. If you're not finding it somewhere, look elsewhere, if you're not getting it with someone, seek out others instead. If you find something and it's not EXACTLY what you want and dreamed of, although it's cool anyway, give it a chance!

 

Okay so that was all over the place, and I think I missed a thing or two, but yis.

[Warren Castille]

I'm going to ramble a bit, and it may or may not be on topic or relevant.

 

I want to discuss the perception of the cool kids' club. I realize this is going to come across or sound biased due to what may or may not be my own membership in that club, but I don't think I'm a part of any clubs either. Aya was accused of being a member of that, but I don't think that's quite accurate. Popularity has nothing to do with why Aya's successful in contacting new people or having RP thrown at her:

 

Accessibility is the keyword here. The people who I tend to think of as the "cool kids" are all playing open, there-to-be-spoken-with character types. The myriad Sultansworn stand ICly in armor in public places. Aya plays a friendly face in a bar in a subservient position. The various Immortal Flames and Brass Blades roleplayers linger about. These people are not playing reclusive spymasters or hardened veterans who look like they don't want to be bothered, and they're also not playing bright-eyed bushy-tailed fledgling adventurers waiting to find new successes and leads.

 

I, too, was once new here. I made my introduction post, made my directory post, and then began writing an extremely brooding solo thread. It was half-adverstisement, really. "This is what Warren is like. Here are the things he's inclined to do." This might come as a non-surprise to a lot of people here but it turns out I'm pretty prone to clashing with personalities in large groups. More often than not I tended to find myself playing solo or in my own little cliques. There's something like a half-dozen of you on this forum who've ever actually interacted with Warren at any meaningful length, and several of those are people I know in real life.

 

My rambling nonpoint is that anything perceived as having been given freely or lucked into is not. It's a result of having a wide-appeal character, or perhaps having just written an interesting one people wanted to see more of. It's the process of having sought out connections instead of asking for them, it's the result of having talked to several dozen strangers before finding a couple you really mesh with and want to spin yarns with.

 

This isn't meant to lecture anyone on it being their fault, but it is hopefully a call to awareness that nobody starts off with an advantage here. This will probably be taken the wrong way, but it also helps to consider that in the past week there have been a seemingly-endless call for connections from what appears on the surface to be several copies of the same character.

 

When the thread titles themselves are poking fun at the fact that there's a whole litter of similarly-seeking individuals, you have to do something, anything, to differentiate yourself. I know not everyone is into longer-form writing or solo threads detailing their characters, but it's a great place to get started. It gives strangers a peek into your life and character, and makes it easier to arrange wanting to bump into them in the meta sense.

 

Rargh, feel free to tear apart my poorly-considered side of the discussion now.

[Sophia_Grave]

I would quote my post from that other thread, but the quoting system is strange here.

 

Anywho, the only thing I can add are my personal experiences. I've had some bad experiences with internet friendships when I was younger that still keeps me rather distant, so I was absolutely terrible when it comes to networking and following up on plans and ideas. I still am, really. (There's a couple of you who've had first-hand experience with that, and I'm really sorry!) I know, its the same thing I'm preaching against, but there it is.

 

Early on, when I first moved to Balmung, RP was... hit or miss. Mostly miss. I had no friends on this game, the actual game and my old endgame-focused FC sucked up a lot of my time, my character was a grump, and she was not well established in my head or socially, and I was still forum RP'ing here and there with other friends. I parked Sophia in high traffic areas and simply waited for opportunity. It had some really great moments, sure, but it was less than what I wanted.

 

Then I joined Aeon. Its worth noting that I've never once even met anyone in that FC at the time and I pretty much applied based on nothing more than its interesting concept alone. After that, RP was... well, still hit and miss, actually! I tagged along on their events and whatnot, but it wasn't until I really started to network OOCly that things began to pick up. I did so here and in Aeon, and even got an old friend to try the game and play as my character's brother, which also helped build my character immensely by forcing her into situations and crowds she wouldn't normally associate with on her own.

 

I'm not sure if this helps any of the newer people or if anyone's had similar experiences, but obviously, putting myself out there and networking was a big block for me. All this stuff happened-- well, is still happening really, since a couple months after 2.0's launch in, what, Semptember '13? I'm only just recently getting comfortable enough to try all those ideas I've had piling up in my head. Heck, look at my post count and join date, then look at pretty much anyone else's. I'm no social butterfly.

 

Join an FC and put in the time to nurture your friendships. Be sure you can even be comfortable with these people on an OOC level, and be sure their RP meshes with yours. Get people's skype names, friend them, or do whatever it is you have to do. If it feels like they're still not including you, then perhaps they're not really sure of what they're doing themselves. If I've learned anything, its that RP is 70% friendship and networking and only 30% actual writing.

 

EDIT: Forgot a thing.

[Iex]

Gonna side with the folks who believe getting into a community is a two way street, partly because I fail at it, but is my own failing no one else is responsible.

 

Emoting in general and at not toward anyone in particular is not really a 'good' way to get into the RP scene unless it is in a smaller setting with less people (which is honestly the easier way to get into RP.) This is why active player run taverns/repeating events are good things. In the, for example, Quicksand there are so many people it can be a challenge not to lose yourself and focus on those around you.

 

In order to get involved in RP it is very similar to PVE. The player needs to put his best foot forward, be willing to learn, not expect things to happen over night, and not expect folks to carry you.

 

How does this relate to RP?

 

Going to use Nara'to as an example. He recently is returning to the community, but a lot of people remember how he 'exited' last time, which is part of the reason he is finding it hard to get into Rping with folks on the RPC.  People here are not machines that just get used with no consequence; they remember how folks interact with them.

 

First intro post. He made on February 28th which was a typical connection looking post. It mentioning how he was shy etc; however it also mentioned his method was a bit.... 'I expect people to come to me.' He was polite, though somewhat passive aggressive toward the matter, but it could be easily be excused as social anxiety.

 

The posts after that consist of folks giving him advice and consequently them 'being shot down' by the 'this confuses me' or 'I don't want to jump into an FC without knowing entirely what is going on." Both are technically valid reasons but if you are desperately trying to get into a community, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

 

Exit post came two days later or more exactly 53 hours after his connections post. This post basically was laden with the 'community has failed me.' In reality, he never gave it a chance. 53 hours or 37 waking hours (giving 8 hours of sleep between days) is simply far too brief of a time for anything substantial to occur.

 

Between the absurdly 'guilt trip' style of interacting with folks, short window of interaction, and Passive aggressive player note in game, Nara'to was not putting his best foot forward and was expecting to be carried.

 

Since then he as created a New connection post which seems much more level, but the problem is... people remember how he exited. Thus he is going to have a harder time getting into a community he all but said 'Fuck you' a month ago. I wish him the best of luck because he has a steep climb ahead of him now.

 

Am I trying to demonize him? No. I am just providing some evidence as to why it is not just on the community's head for getting people involved in RPing. The community should be welcoming and eager to help provide some assistance, but frankly not everyone is going to have time/desire/ability to RP with all new folks.

 

New players need to willing to give the process of getting into RP a chance, not guilt trip folks into RPing (which frankly is the fastest way to find yourself without rping), and put their best foot forward.

 

RP will not come to you unless you first go to it. Shyness can only be rationale so long as you do not use it as weapon. Being shy sucks, trust me I know, but unfortunately the only way to break out of it is to surround yourself with other people. It will be awkward. It will be nerve-wracking. It will down right suck. Sometimes you will want to disappear. Sometimes you will feel like a spectator to everyone else having fun. However, the effort you put into things will be noticed, and folks will want to have you along as long as you are trying. It is a battle that no one can be your white-knight to carry you into paradise, but so long as you honestly try and put your best foot forward in how you interact with people, there will be folks there to help you along.

 

.endcheese

[Aya]

and then began writing an extremely brooding solo thread.

I did much the same as Warren  - except that I never made my own introduction thread, I actually piggy-backed on someone else because I was a little nervous about it myself.  So, I actually have no introduction or welcome thread of my own on this forum! 

 

My first real effort to meet anyone on the RPC was just to start an RP thread that invited interaction.  It wasn't a great success, I only met one person via it, but C'kayah has turned out to be one of the most important individuals in Aya's life so I cannot say it was unsuccessful

 

But, I guess what I am trying to say, is that this also was not the gateway to meeting other people, but it did help.

 

I want to be clear that I'm not suggesting people hang out in the QS to find RP.  That is one option among many!  Social interactions can be started anywhere.  Other events, by specifically reaching out to people you see posting on the RPC and find interesting, by just walking about town or residential districts and talking to people you see about.  There was a terrific suggestion about putting yourself out there to hire someone for some job or activity, a terrific take on the same idea.

 

Two people can both sit there posting receptive-to-RP emotes for hours on end, and no RP interaction will occur.  One of them, in the end, must be willing to do what they both do not want to do: cold approach the other.  I am not suggesting that this is easy, not at all.  It really isn't easy, especially at first.  I have probably done more cold approaches than anyone else in this particular community, and I still get nervous, I still get rejected, I still get treated rudely, and I still get shot down.  The only difference is that I have the experience with this community to know that it does pay off to be optimistic and persistent.  If you keep going you will find people who are receptive.

 

That's because there are dozens, if not hundreds, of people out there just like you.  Looking for RP, wanting to RP, wanting to meet people.  They're afraid to approach you, you're afraid to approach them, but once one of you breaks the ice there's the potential for fun, and the potential for friendship.

 

It is not the only way.  But it is the most tried, and it is the most true.  It is the most efficient, and it is probably the best.  You can poke around the RPC, you can join an FC, try to join an LS, or you can just hope that someone you would like to meet comes your way to meet you.  It may happen.  You may get lucky. 

 

I know that I do my best to meet new people, to point them toward potential friends, to break the ice and just try to make them comfortable.  I know that I am not alone in this, there are people out there trying to make people lucky.  But, if the question is: what can new RPers do to make new connections?  There's only one good answer.  They may not like it, but that's the way it is.  I'm sorry.

 

I realize that we've been repeating this mantra, but that's just because it really is the key to success in making contacts.  You can hold your breath until you're blue in the face, you can tell us that it worked because we were popular (while forgetting that all of us show up here initially either entirely or mostly bereft of friends and contacts).  You can accuse us of holding up a giant middle-finger to those we're trying to help (seriously Kellach?)  But you're all missing the point: we're offering our very best advice, based upon our own experience, the experience of others we know, and a basic understanding of social interaction.

 

If you don't like that message, I'm sorry, but please don't shoot the messengers.

[Warren Castille]

But you're all missing the point: we're offering our very best advice, based upon our own experience, the experience of others we know, and a basic understanding of social interaction.

 

I don't want to keep circling here and make it look like we're sucking each other off, but when someone who is perceived to be popular says "This is how I made friends" you should probably at least listen if you're also trying to also make friends.

 

Roleplay is social interaction. If your character concept, at a base level, avoids or shirks social interaction (The grumbling merc in the bar, the super-shy new adventurer, the hard-to-understand tribal person, the non-posting non-speaking wall fixture) you are going to have a bad time when trying to meet people. Roleplaying requires both parties to invest their time and effort into one another. It is not fun to approach someone only to have them tell you to get lost because that's "how my character would react."

 

Characters like that don't make friends.

 

No one wants to waste their time. We all pay to play this game, and we all have limited amounts of free time to invest in not playing the game to roleplay in it instead. If someone spends their time talking to someone who is not receptive, it shouldn't be any surprise that they do not waste their time again. The best thing anyone can do to meet new people is open themselves up to meeting new people. Saying "I want people to pursue me and draw me out of my shell" is asking for someone else to invest a disproportionate amount of their time, energy and willpower into making you more comfortable. It's selfish, and it's only fun for one person. Don't do it.

[Berrod Armstrong]

But you're all missing the point: we're offering our very best advice, based upon our own experience, the experience of others we know, and a basic understanding of social interaction.

 

I don't want to keep circling here and make it look like we're sucking each other off, but when someone who is perceived to be popular says "This is how I made friends" you should probably at least listen if you're also trying to also make friends.

 

Roleplay is social interaction. If your character concept, at a base level, avoids or shirks social interaction (The grumbling merc in the bar, the super-shy new adventurer, the hard-to-understand tribal person, the non-posting non-speaking wall fixture) you are going to have a bad time when trying to meet people. Roleplaying requires both parties to invest their time and effort into one another. It is not fun to approach someone only to have them tell you to get lost because that's "how my character would react."

 

Characters like that don't make friends.

 

Building on this because I think it is extremely important. Now, even if someone insists on playing one of the above mentioned types, something HAS TO HAPPEN outside of those qualities to increase the chances of meaningful, lasting interaction. I can vouch for that, because Berrod is a surly, grumpy and sometimes mean bastard. 

 

HOWEVER, if someone speaks to him, he talks back. If he sees someone who randomly interests him, he approaches. If I, as a player, see someone who I want to interact with on my character despite his characteristics, I make the choice to craft a situation that will allow for the interaction, and allow for the connection forged from it to last. These are the things we need to consider instead of just 'My character is shy/hates everyone/misunderstood brooding genius/doesn't understand DAS CULTURE'. 

 

Another thing can be out of game hooks! The Balmung Bulletin Board is a GREAT place to read about the everyday lives of other characters and post things of your own. Otherwise, a player can start their own thread and post some writing that depicts their characters thoughts, actions and mood -- or perhaps an adventure or two! People see these things, and sometimes, people want to get involved.

 

I was so flattered when characters approached mine asking about the IC writing that I posted on the bulletin board -- to the point where I want to write some more, and do it justice. The wiki is a great help as well! Some people check theirs often, and believe it or not, the rumors section is a cool place to connect! Like myself, some folks like to return rumors to people who post rumors about them. See a character in game that has a wiki? Post your character's impression of them in the rumors section? You never know what kind of connection that might foster. 

 

Another thing I think I should bring up-- make sure what you say what you want is really what you want. I am not accusing anyone here of anything, but I have come across this situation far too many times to name. If you want adventuring RP, say that's what you want. If you want romance RP, say so. If you want romance and say you want adventuring RP -- that's gonna lead to difficulty. I suppose it goes the other way around too. 

 

MORE RAMBLING -- but here's as good a place as any to get that advice out, methinks!

[ArmachiA]

Look, no one is saying that the populars didn't work hard. It was an attempt to realize there are failings on both sides, which people admit and then go right back to blaming the new rpers side. No one has even said "What can we do to seem more available?"

 

Gonna side with the folks who believe getting into a community is a two way street, partly because I fail at it, but is my own failing no one else is responsible.

 

At first I agreed then it went into how Nara'to failed and not... the other side of the community. No one in here has discussed the established part of the community without going "But, really, it's not us, it's them." I'm just asking for a bit of social awareness. If it really is a two way street, admit the failings of the OTHER side too, then maybe we can find some common ground and see if anything can be fixed.

 

It's really not much to ask to try to see BOTH sides of the argument, here.

[Berrod Armstrong]

Look, no one is saying that the populars didn't work hard. It was an attempt to realize there are failings on both sides, which people admit and then go right back to blaming the new rpers side. No one has even said "What can we do to seem more available?"

 

Gonna side with the folks who believe getting into a community is a two way street, partly because I fail at it, but is my own failing no one else is responsible.

 

 

At first I agreed then it went into how Nara'to failed and not... the other side of the community. No one in here has discussed the established part of the community without going "But, really, it's not us, it's them." I'm just asking for a bit of social awareness. If it really is a two way street, admit the failings of the OTHER side too, then maybe we can find some common ground and see if anything can be fixed.

 

It's really not much to ask to try to see BOTH sides of the argument, here.

Think of it as less blame as a 'what to do/what not to do'. He did say he did not intend to demonize the guy, after all. I think his words have merit, given that he openly admits to being one of the people ON that side, even if he's siding with the other.

 

He's in the perfect position to see and speak about it, really.

[Aya]

It was an attempt to realize there are failings on both sides, which people admit and then go right back to blaming the new rpers side. No one has even said "What can we do to seem more available?"

Why are you so worried about who is to blame?  Who cares?  I certainly don't (to be honest, I don't think there even is anyone to be blamed for anything being discussed).  The question is how can new RPers make connections.

[ArmachiA]

It's not about who's to blame.

 

Gees I was just talking about maybe coming to a middle and finding failings on both sides that we could fix to make the connections a little easy and better for new rpers but you all are twisting it

 

Nevermind.

[Berrod Armstrong]

It's not about who's to blame.

 

Gees I was just talking about maybe coming to a middle and finding failings on both sides that we could fix to make the connections a little easy and better for new rpers but you all are twisting it

 

Nevermind.

Coming to a middle can be done after the failings of both sides are placed on the table. Tiergan identified the failings of one side, and Iex identified the failings of the other -- 

 

In fact, why are there even only two sides? ANYWAY. People are posting their own perspectives and observations for people to see, examine, understand, discuss and perhaps debate. I'm sorry if it's not amounting to some sort of middle ground as of yet, but there are some truly pertinent points posted here. 

 

Everyone has been civil for the most part, discussion continues, and I'm sure people are learning a thing or two, I know I am. Not everything needs to end in hugging! In my humble opinion, this is fine.