Roleplaying Romance: Obsession Emergency?

[Blue]

Hello all, it's been a while. Those few who may know me may have realized that I haven't been around to RP much of late, and it is this hiatus that I would like to discuss.

 

I just hope it has no repercussions of any kind, since it involves other people.

 

While my current real life situation is definitely hectic enough to reduce my overall gameplay time, I can't say that I haven't had the time to RP. I had it. I just was pushed away from it.

 

The reason being, one of my characters, one of those I enjoy RPing the most, has become victim of a stalker.

 

I'm not talking about an RP griefer; as the title suggests, this is an IC stalker we're talking about, though the situation is starting to cross the OOC borders with how obsessive the IC part has grown.

 

This roleplayer was one that I met at random in the Quicksands (but then again, isn't that where we meet everyone?) during one of my rare stops there. Despite me keeping an overall neutral stance, this character has grown fond of me quickly, and the fondness turned into flat out obsession very quickly: namely, the second time I stumbled across this person.

 

This roleplayer has so far (with one exception, but I prefer to think it was just a joke) kept the romance obsession towards my character to an IC level, and that is why I took no OOC countermeasures against them. I declined their attention several times, but this is seemingly only causing them to get more aggressive and determined to "claim" my character and build a relationship with her/him. 

 

I am keeping this gender neutral because while I haven't found traces of this roleplayer on the RPC, there's no guarantee they do not browse this site.

 

 

I have recently decided to bring the refusal to an OOC level, and we had a discussion in tells about what was exactly going on between our characters and what made them act the way they acting. At that point I was sort of guilt-tripped, and the person began to talk kind of miserably to me, of how they can never find a partner that would stick around to them, despite them having tried really hard since the game's launch.

 

 

This is unfortunately not the first case I meet of someone desperate to have IC romance with another roleplayer. I have seen friends stalked by other roleplayers ICly, and I also have been blamed once by another roleplayer to "charm" all his/her potential partners. 

 

In my section of the Balmung directory you will see that I wrote from the very beginning that I do not RP romance with people I haven't known IC and OOC for a very long time first (I find that a rather good way to avoid drama/malfunctioning relationships, and I'm also very shy to RP romantic interactions in general, so the confidentiality helps me), so I can't really say I'm the type that calls for this kind of trouble. I  guess it just finds me, but I'm sure I'm not the only one.

 

Be it as it may be, while this is not something that interests 100% of the RP community, the problem is definitely out there: there are a lot of people that seem to make finding a mate their only purpose of RP-life and get obsessed with it. I just would like to hear your opinions: is having a relationship with someone really that  important for a character? I always followed the philosophy that a character is made by what he does or says, not the people he is with. So why is a vast majority of roleplayers

 

(again I apologize if this is not how you feel about it. Maybe I'm just stressed by this stalking experience, but it really seems that wherever I look there are people RPing romance)

 

 

seems to have their roleplay centered on finding/keeping/dealing with the betrayal of a mate/partner? I am of course not talking of cybering; I was lucky enough to stumble only in a dozen of those during this year of XIV, but in general, it really feels like people have nothing better to RP than discussing their sexual preferences, their mating partners, and a quite flavored plethora of topics centered on having sex, seducing, or dating someone else.

 

 

As harsh as I may sound (and again, I apologize, I am not really myself right now with how fed up I am with this situation I'm in), maybe this phenomena may take great part of the blame when we wonder why non-RPers grief us and call us "ERPers". It really seems everyone in town has hardly any other topic to bring up.

 

I mean, I don't know you, but in real life it had yet to occur me that a complete stranger would walk up to me and within five minutes of conversation is already filling me in with rather private information such as his/her sexual tendencies and favorite methods. Maybe it's a case of meta; maybe a lot of roleplayers cannot fully "forget" that they are in a videogame when they RP, and say IC things that are not quite stuff one would bring up in a casual conversation in real life.

 

Just the other day I was heading to my inn room to store something in the armoire, and these were the first lines to fill my chatlog:

 

A: "I want you."

B: "Do you now?"

A: "Pls don't deny me."

 

I haven't happened to overhear that in real life, like ever. Maybe I did walk near a couple having a similar conversation in my life, but I'm sure they were whispering. Real Life /tells, or party chat, cause I did not hear this.

 

Or maybe there is a note somewhere in Eorzea lore where it says common courtesy among strangers is to share what to me still pertains "TMI" and I missed it.

 

 

Overall, I apologize for the rant. I am just waiting for this person to find another target and leave me alone. Hopefully once I get back into RP, I will return to pay no mind to this kind of stuff. It's just that right now it really strikes a nerve on me. :dodgy:

 

Do you also like me RP characters that do not require a sexual relationship with someone to have their own plot and stuff to talk about? Please let me know that I am not alone.

[Coatleque]

You're definitely not alone. At no time is my character seeking out any type of romantic involvement. If it happens in the course of RP then I just go with the flow, but it's not the top priority as soon as I log in.

[Zhavi]

I think with RP it's important to remember that everyone has their own idea of what is fun, and not everyone is going to find the same thing fun.

 

That said, if you are ever uncomfortable during rp, put a stop on that shit. Seriously. Not cool. IC things can turn to OOC things, and if you let it go on it can get nasty, fast. Best to draw the line asap. If they feel they are having a difficult time finding a rp partner, direct them here, where they can post a nice ooc ad for their character and get the sort of response they are looking for.

 

As for me, generally I find functioning, healthy romantic rp relationships to be boring. Generally. I do tend to find them more interesting when my character isn't in them (I have some favorite rp couples I quietly root for), but overall I like to explore platonic (or tension filled, or weird, or quirky, whatever) relationships that aren't romantic. Of course, whatever happens, happens, but there's a reason I tend to build characters that other characters have a hard time feeling attracted towards.

 

 

All of that said, I've had some pretty errr. . .strange conversations with strangers. Depends on the setting, both in person and online.

 

 

 

Buuut, at the end of the day, if people are having fun then power to them. I just won't be participating if it isn't my cup of tea.

 

 

edit - as to your problem, I had to dial back my initial response, which was "DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE A CHAT WITH THEM? I WILL HAVE A CHAT WITH THEM." *cough* but seriously, if you need some help tactfully pointing them towards finding someone who will reciprocate, I'm open.

 

There was one time where this young man (15) did not properly tell us when a woman who should not have approached him period was being inappropriate with him oocly after their characters got together icly. Thankfully nothing bad happened, but it could have really not turned out well for him. I still kick myself for not catching it.

[111]

I definitely have some issues with this as well. Usually it doesn't bother me as much as it should, and I just laugh it off.

 

I should say there there seems to be a large dividing line between two general types of "RPers"when it comes to romance. There are some who romantic/sexual things (if they occur at all) are simply the spice to a story, where as to others the plot is the window dressing for the sex.

 

To put it simply, some people are RPing like a rated R feature film, and others are RPing like a porno.

 

Not saying either one is wrong, but I think sometimes people can mistake you for being in the porno camp when you're not, and to them, EVERYONE is in the porno camp. So they get confused when people aren't interested, because to them strings of IC explicit romances are what RP is. Unfortunately this seems to be a common viewpoint among non-rpers as well.

 

edit: By you, I mean it in a general sense, not the OP specifically.

[Yune]

Something like this, though to a very minor degree happened with me recently as well. It was more the situation that I met someone IC and at first, they were very friendly and nice, but... As the conversation continued, they kept making little gestures which may seem small to some, but my character is a very shy sort who is unaccustomed to socializing and especially flirtation. She believes that certain displays of affection should only be shown to someone special, when the gesture has "meaning". This person kept reaching for her hand, or making a note to say that he would take her hand when they began to walk somewhere else. This person was practically acting as though they already had a romantic connection/responsibility over mine. Even after making it clear very early on that it made her uncomfortable in IC chat, this person would start all over again after a few minutes of backing off.

 

Perhaps it was my own fault for continuing to speak to this person? I figured (OOC) that if the person really was looking for something and I shot them down once, twice, or even three times, they would either get the hint and just be friendly, or back off and pursue someone elsewhere as people like that tend to do when they see no potential here. But they acted like they were fine with just being friendly. But they would back off, and then start the affectionate touches again, she would shy away, they would back off, rinse and repeat...

 

Usually, I enjoy it when romance develops slowly and naturally. I know that not all romances happen at a snail's pace, but I appreciate it more when time is spent nurturing the relationship, rather than "Hello! I like you! Let's make out and be a couple now!" As Zhavi mentioned, everyone has their own idea of what is fun, so I guess there will be those out there who prefer RP romance to anything else, and will do what they can to establish a connection as quickly as they can so they can just rush into the benefits of the relationship they're looking for. I don't really know why there is a mentality like that, but it's there. I can understand and appreciate that reality. I just wish that those same people could realize that not all RPers are after the same thing, and would refrain from the guilt tripping when they get shut down...

[FreelanceWizard]

To share a similar experience I had in another MMO long ago, I once had a character fall into a relationship ICly, and when things got bad IC, the player would try to guilt trip me into keeping the characters together or having the two spend more time together with a statement to the effect of, "If our characters break up, I'm going to kill mine off and quit the game." So, uh, yeah. I sympathize.

 

Personally, I think one of the major things that drives the emphasis on "hookup" RP is a lack of things to discuss outside of that. Everyone knows sexytime is fun, and everyone knows it exists in the setting, so it's an easy topic of conversation. It's harder to talk about current world events because they change between patches; a person in one part of the MSQ has a rather different perspective on the Garleans than someone who's up to date with it. Even regular events, such as Primal summonings, get tricky because some people RP knowing nothing about such things, and some people OOCly feel that RPing someone who does know about such things (or who's involved in them) is playing an overpowered character. Naturally, to avoid conflict, such topics are rarely raised in public RP hot spots. Then there's the issue of missing lore; while we know Eorzea has music and dance, we don't know much about either of those things. We know it has magic, but the metaphysics are extremely vague. We know a bit about miqo'te culture, but very little about elezen culture. All of these grey areas are also avoided in public RP much of the time because you never know when a discussion of "Huh, we seem to have different experiences!" will get clobbered by someone who says, "Yeah, well, what I say is right, and you're all nuts/lore breakers/disrupting my head-canon!" Player-run plots are another area often avoided, as "plot leakage" can cause OOC scope problems that get ugly quickly.

 

Outside of all of these issues that tend to fence off particular topics from public RP areas, I think you see more sex-oriented RP in tavern RP generally, in much the same way that people in bars in real life are flirting and trying to pick people up. You're likely going to find less "hookup" RP inside FCs and LSes, I'd argue -- which is not to say it doesn't show up elsewhere, just that those groups have more in common among their characters and are more likely to have other things to talk about.

 

In terms of specific characters, while L'yhta's in a kinda-sorta relationship with someone right now that evolved over the course of several months, it was never my intention for her get romantically involved (I joke that "L'yhta's single, for reasons that become immediately apparent the second she opens her mouth"). It just evolved ICly, and it doesn't dominate RP. She and her companion are almost always talking about something other than how much they like to kissy-face, and certainly they never discuss that in public. :blush: I don't have an interest in playing a character whose life is entirely dominated by their romantic escapades. I'd much rather play a strong hero or heroine who may or may not have a romance that certainly isn't key to their existence and concept.

[Blue]

I definitely have some issues with this as well. Usually it doesn't bother me as much as it should, and I just laugh it off.

 

I should say there there seems to be a large dividing line between two general types of "RPers"when it comes to romance. There are some who romantic/sexual things (if they occur at all) are simply the spice to a story, where as to others the plot is the window dressing for the sex.

 

To put it simply, some people are RPing like a rated R feature film, and others are RPing like a porno.

 

Not saying either one is wrong, but I think sometimes people can mistake you for being in the porno camp when you're not, and to them, EVERYONE is in the porno camp. So they get confused when people aren't interested, because to them strings of IC explicit romances are what RP is.  Unfortunately this seems to be a common viewpoint among non-rpers as well.

 

edit: By you, I mean it in a general sense, not the OP specifically.

Even more than that, often times I feel like the RP side of the game is taken as one of those match-making websites. People seem to take for granted that if you are single, then you must be interested in having a partner, and that rejections and denials are only a "part of the flirt". If you take the rejection to an OOC level, what will usually occurs is the unfortunate tale of how this person's real life is deprived of any affection and how they would like to at least "make believe" in a videogame.

 

I get that sometimes people may want to do that. Hell, I haven't had a RL/OOC partner since 2010, so I feel for them. But I'm sure there are better games and sites for that.

[Tiergan]

I pretty much put myself squarely in the No-RP-Romance camp because things have rapidly gotten weird between other players and myself even without Tiergan expressing any interest in other people.

 

If I find someone who doesn't frame all of their RP around romance, doesn't mix IC/OOC, AND views the romance purely from a narrative, character-development perspective -- MAYBE I'll go for it. But until then? No thanks. There are far, far too many people trying to live vicariously through their RP romances for me to be comfortable with.

 

I have no interest in RP Romance being the driving goal of my roleplay experience and to be blunt - I'm not hugely interested in RPing with other people whose main goal is to find RP romance and a 'partner'. If that's how other folks find enjoyment, more power to them, but their RP preferences and my own will likely never align.

 

I second what others have said in regards to your own comfort in this situation: if ANY RP is making you uncomfortable, whether it pertains to romance or not, you are well within your rights to pull the breaks and OOCly communicate with the other person saying ((Hey, I'm sorry, but this RP makes me feel a little uncomfortable and I would like to divert the RP in another direction.)).

 

If someone gives you shit for that, that's their problem - not yours. Just like it's someone else's problem that they haven't been able to get an RP partner since launch - you have nothing to feel guilty over and have every right to enjoy your RP the way you would like to enjoy it.

[Val]

I generally don't do RP romance unless I know the individual very well and am 100% sure that they won't take things OOC. That being said, I've had an RP partner for very close to two years now and I feel incredibly blessed with the fact that this is something I simply do not have to worry with anymore.

 

That being said, I've still had to deal with my fair share of stalkers. I've had them try to tear our friendship apart OOCly, make me feel bad for not RPing with them over my partner, and many other things. I tend to just block them when it becomes an issue, though that's a very last resort and I'd rather settle it with conversation than coming to something so final. In your case, I would definitely have just blocked them.

 

Also, I believe a lot of it is due to the anonymity of the internet. If everyone know what everyone looked like, where they lived, where they worked, etc, then you likely wouldn't find people to be so, ah.. tactless when it came to conversation. I'm a guy, so I don't tend to get that except from incredibly desperate females and honestly I'm only left to pity them.

[TheLastCandle]

At that point I was sort of guilt-tripped' date=' and the person began to talk kind of miserably to me, of how they can never find a partner that would stick around to them, [b']despite them having tried really hard since the game's launch.[/b]

 

 

Nooooope. Bad experiences with someone who used exactly the same statement with me. Sets off so many alarms in my head that my ears are ringing.

 

I will say that I think there are a lot of roleplayers who place far too much emphasis on "romance," to the point where it becomes all you ever do, and the person you've claimed as your "RP partner" is the sole person with whom you do all other game content. I see this more in MMO's than I do in any other medium, including MUDs where I came from previously. It's possible that the person in question is accustomed to that kind of "RP partner" relationship in previous games.

 

It sounds like you've talked to them and told them where you stand. Frankly, that should be good enough. If it's not, I'm sorry to say the next step for me would be to blacklist them. Whatever you decide, best of luck to you.

[Faye]

My RP partner and I were both recently harassed a very stalker-esque player who went to great lengths IC and OOC to try to get with each of our characters and tear apart their current relationship, even creating two characters and two separate Enjin profiles to pretend to be two different people. Some part of me can't help but wonder if it's the same person. At any rate, I've been there, more than once, with a character that relentlessly pursues mine and slowly it beings to leak OOC. It's uncomfortable and incredibly off-putting. 

 

As for my role-play, while romance is my favorite thing to RP and I hope my characters will find it, my characters are fully-functional without being in a relationship. IC they aren't desperate for romance, and OOC I don't try to force the role-play in that direction. Trying to force a role-play toward romance or sex is... honestly weird and probably hints at some blurring of IC with OOC. It seems some people use RP relationships to validate themselves and their self-worth the same way some people do in real life, and I'm sure those who do are one in the same. In both, it's obviously incorrect that you should base your self-esteem on another person, and that kind of desperation, ironically, turns most people away.

[Crisiet]

I don't mind romantic RP, but my take is that it's something that should happen to characters "naturally". As in, I don't wander into RP looking for it.

 

I NEVER let it leak into OOC. Ever. I've seen the drama that comes with it and it's never pretty.

 

If this person is distressing you OOC, tell them outright to back off and blacklist them if you have to. You don't have to put up with it and whatever excuses of loneliness they make, you're not responsible for them.

[Gaspard]

For Romance RP you require to individuals that are one hundred percent capable of seperating IC from OOC. And that is rarely found at most times. 

 

The Problem with Relationship RP's in any form is the Human component. As you 'emulate' your characters love to a person, depending how deep you submerse yourself in your 'role', the more you may actually 'feel' something, even on an artificial level. Some people tend to let the RP influence too strongly, thus creating a vicious feedback cycle where their Real life emotions take charge over their IC habits. I've seen it happen various times to friends of mine, Who have a hard time seperating their emotional inner workings from the fictional RP world. They even get a genuine flight or fight response when in danger Icly. (Which is why I sometimes wondered if Roleplaying isn't perhaps detrimental when it comes to self-confidence for some). If a fictional game can opt such strong emotions from some, I dread some peoples IRL reactions to stress.

 

That being said, your stalker could be either someone with a heavy set of issues, having a hard time seperating his emotional self from the fictional character he's created, trying to compensate for a lack of comfort in his/her own life, Or you may be simply dealing with some Troll who takes pleasure in unsettling other people through constant harassment.

 

I've seen that happen too. People bored with roleplay who somehow get kick out of it to pretend being naive roleplayers stalking people and/or instigating other issues.

 

Either way, your safest bet is to reject them politely, tell them that you think cutting off contact entirely will be more healthy for that person aswell as you, and then stick to the ignoring policy you set up. It'll set a boundary, protect you, and at the same time teach said person that his current behavior will not give him/her the desired result.

[Lightningtear]

Admittedly, I have been in an RPing slump and for a time thanks to some distress with real life, and a previously poor experience with an MMO that is somewhat recent I was letting OOC get in the way of in game. I was desperate for some RP, and ended up ruining some other RP. This is a habit I'm seeking to destroy, as I believe OOC has no place in IC.

 

I decided it was best to pull away, to soothe my issues and then try to RP again. I haven't been on in a couple of weeks and even thought of quitting the game because if I wasn't having fun, what was the point? So... I can understand that someone wants to RP, but to seek only romance, and become OOC and even obsessive has no purpose.

 

 Crazy people ICly are fun, but I understand your concerns and rather than being you, have border-lined the other side, though I'm not seeking romance. So from being a borderline other side player I have to say you're probably doing the best you can by avoiding them, but you might want to blacklist the person if they are this much of a problem as well. Hiding might not answer the problem, if they're the type that is willing to wait. There is no point in ruining your game over someone who is being a nuisance. 

 

It's a game and most people will just be text or avatars in the end, so you might want to cut out the problem as soon as you can. No point if you're not having fun. I won't give up, but while I'll be respectful and rectify myself and the problem, he/she might not do the same.

[Aduu Avagnar]

As has been proven, you are definitely not alone in this, there has in fact recently been an issue that I have been involved with, where it leaked OOC, and essentially ended up making the person involved not want to play.

best advice I can give is to Blist them, and move on.

[ArmachiA]

Ah, romance RP. It's a thing that I don't avoid but I do not actively look for either.

 

Here's the thing about romance rp: It can be a great and wonderful thing from a character development stand point. It can be full of drama and intrigue and interesting and fun and teach you all kinds of things about your character. It's always interesting when your character begins to click with someone, especially when you were rather sure they wouldn't click with anyone (I rolled Armi as so awkward I honestly didn't think anyone would be interested).

 

The problem is many MANY people think it means more than just part of the narrative. Many RPers are only in it to find a romance partner and those people are extremely obvious if you know what to look for. Armi has been in two relationships, both took MONTHS of RP to even see the light of day. The first one from September to November, then the current from February to JULY. MY character doesn't fall easily and it can take a looonnngg time for anything to happen, most of the time those looking for RP romance only will get huffy at me for being slow and then move on.

 

Honestly I find this like most things, if you think about it. There are players out there who only care about how bad ass their character is and tend to powergame, there are players who only care that their character is winning and will metagame, and then there are players who only care that their characters are in a relationship and get all creepy. These are all people who need some kind of wish fulfilment in RP and are generally types to avoid.

 

I've been apart of IC relationship drama twice over the ten years I've done rp in MMOs, so it doesn't happen OFTEN to me, but even with me being careful it still happens. One person was convinced my character had a crush on hers and despite me telling her she didn't, she decided I was lying and it turned into a huge drama thing. The other -I- got mad about being lied to OOCly about certain things that I thought were okay and it turned into a whole thing. But it happens. My character has been "stalked" before, but I'm pretty blunt generally (As some of you have seen) and can put it bed fairly easily. If things make me uncomfortable I am really quick to say so.

 

I'm engaged irl, romance IC means nothing to me OOC. My character is not me and their character is not them. I've been fortunate to have rp partners who agree and therefore drama has been relatively low.

 

Because of that, I'm not going to stop my character if she has chemistry with someone. I think it's interesting to explore, after a long time has passed of course. None of my character fall for people easily, this is intentional on my part, but if something is happening over the months they know each other I'm okay with letting it progress - as long as I know the player of the other character keeps it IC. None of this shit is real. I used to act all the time, and in a lot of those plays you have to act like your in love - so maybe it's easier for me to fake it?

 

On the subject of why people talk about it so much ICly: because people talk about it ALL THE TIME in real life. When I'm around my friends, every conversation will inevitably go to the gutter or has people flirting with each other in a joking manner. It's just what humans do - we talk about relationships and sex. I mean, what are we supposed to talk about in social situations if not things that are easy to talk about? I'm certainly not going to have Armi talk about the time she was stabbed by a Garlean or almost killed by her friend, or anything else that happened to her. Conversations in bars are supposed to be light, and sex is a light topic. Armi doesn't think so, but she generally just talks about Tea or her plants.

 

We talk about it in RP because we talk about it IRL. Nothing much more too it. It also doesn't mean that's all they talk about. I'm sure there are people whose whole lives revolve around it, but this is true of people in IRL as well.

[Yune]

The Problem with Relationship RP's in any form is the Human component. As you 'emulate' your characters love to a person, depending how deep you submerse yourself in your 'role', the more you may actually 'feel' something, even on an artificial level. Some people tend to let the RP influence too strongly, thus creating a vicious feedback cycle where their Real life emotions take charge over their IC habits.

 

THIS.

 

I've seen this many times over the years of RP, and thought about it in my last post but didn't want to get too long-winded all at once. I've witnessed quite a few people fall into this trap (or perhaps they intended on falling into it all along?), and I think it has to do with people liking the experience of "falling in love" or simply being loved/needed by another person. This may be the result of a lonely life and using MMOs or any type of RP outlet to be the "best version of themself" and achieve that which they are currently lacking in their real life. They don't have to be flawed or alone, as in a fantasy MMO, you are a "hero" and become strong/impressive to your peers based on your deeds and/or awesome end-game gear. The pull one feels to "become" this other person and live out their own fantasies is probably very strong for some, especially those who may have some sort of otaku syndrome where they want to be like their favorite badass anime hero who gets the busty girl with little-to-no effort.

 

I do enjoy the sensations one can feel during RP. I've met some fantastic people on Balmung since I started, and I'll admit it does give me an "emotional fix" of sorts that I'm not quite privy to in my real and very ordinary life. I am not involved in romance, since I believe my perspective on romance RP is a little more slow-going than most people want to spend their time on. Many prefer to just plan a relationship and begin when you are already "together" so no time is wasted in courtship, but I like the development and deepening of a relationship, seeing that transition from "friends" to "something more". I do not actively seek it out and have an open mind towards it, but it would probably take a very particular set of circumstances for any of my characters to get involved on that roller coaster ride of emotions since I like to be a little more serious and realistic about the process.

 

When it comes to the clingy people though, as was mentioned, the most you can really do is make your feelings known and get some distance. They may try to pursue the issue and guilt trip you, and I wouldn't say it in real life, but in a game where nothing is real, if someone threatens to "kill their character and never play again"... Let them. Call their bluff, because chances are they're not going to just up and delete all of their hard work just because someone wouldn't cyber with them or be their girlfriend/boyfriend. Forcing someone to be bound to you in such a way is basically akin to slavery and terrorizing you into giving in to only their demands. If a person truly appreciates the romance aspect of RP, they will respect the other person's feelings and presence of free will. Who wants to have someone bound to them who doesn't truly love them anyway?

 

Just be careful out there, and don't let anyone else bully you just because they're seeking some sort of wish-fulfillment from their own personal issues/insecurities. Everyone has their own particular fantasies and/or secret desires that they will most likely (to varying degrees) try to seek out within this game where they can be someone other than themself. I'll agree with a previous poster that the statement that someone was trying really hard to find a relationship since launch would be a very bright red flag to watch out for. Blist them, perhaps get a GM involved if it goes even further? I'm not sure if they can do anything about harassment, but if they can and the behavior is getting more and more intense, perhaps take a screenshot of your conversation with the person in question who will not leave you alone. I don't know if it will help or if anything could be done about it, but there must be something that could improve things rather than just letting it be and hoping the person can take a hint.

 

Are there any PC police forces in game where one could file a complaint? Now there's some RP potential right there. lol... Well, assuming everything was still happening IC, as no character really has any business in the matter once it starts delving into OOC...

[Kellach Woods]

I ended up quitting two games because of shit like this.

 

I feel your pain, and I can tell you it's just not worth the stress to spare their feelings on that.

[HonZoMon]

I'm sure this has been a common topic over the years, in any MMO RP world. Since my character has quite a weakness for the ladies, as well as being hopeless romantic in general. I know I have to tread very carefully.

 

You would think it's mostly common sense right? No means no.. don't be a creeper. It's those kind of people that ruin the idea of romantic RP for everyone. I always employ the 'tug of war' method, when it comes to RP romance. If I tug on the rope a little and they don't pull back.. Well, they obviously don't want to play. So I drop the rope and move on. For me it's really that simple. Sometimes the other person will pull back so hard it sends me flying through the air. If I can deal with that, sure why not. But if it makes me unconformable, I will put a stop to it right there. IC first, and OOC if I have to.

 

Bottom line is, if the person doesn't respect you enough to stop when you tell them to or tries to guilt trip you for attempting to stop. They aren't worth your dam time and should be blocked.

[TheLastCandle]

Oh, wow. Forget that noise. Don't let some other person's insecurities ruin YOUR fun - especially since it started the SECOND time you met them?!

 

Honestly, I can take or leave romantic RP. It's not part of Hwab's story right now, but if the timing is right, and it's the right kind of woman (and I know the other person can easily tell the difference between IC and OOC) I'm open to it. But it's gonna happen naturally or it ain't gonna happen at all. I'm not about to "ship" my character, whatever the case.

[T'shina]

I understand when people get clingy and have had it happen to me once before. It is something that I don't like to discuss because it puts me in an anxiety attack and I often have to calm myself before I start crying with how bad it did get at a point and how bad I had seen the particular person get with others.

 

That being said, my husband and I both Rp and it seems that the crossing of the boundaries has been quite common as of late. I remember before he'd tell me about his character being with another and I use to tease him about it and would develop my own friendships with the girls he played with. One I would jokingly call his other girlfriend (before we married) since they spent a lot of time together. With RP relationships people use to be able to develop strong friendships from getting to know each other's characters and being part of another story as well as your own. It was great writing with people.

 

But then the weird stuff started. In one of the relationships that his character had they were married. They led a guild together in an IC aspect and then one day he checks his email to find she had sent naked pictures of herself to my husband. This quickly ended the RP and he moved on to other things. She tried ruining him at points but it often was seen as her bitter rage as he had no issue telling others why the couple split so suddenly. She did leave the game as she did this to a few other people trying to use sexuality to gain control in an RP world. After that, things were fine until the got weird again. Another character met a girl, treated her nicely and they were planning a date but at the time my husband and I were leveling that character and the character's sister together. So I took a lot of his time to do so. It was told to us by her guild master that she had been posting in their guild chat of how she could get my husband's attention away from me and pining over him. His character found interest in another (being a teenage boy easy to play off) within a day.

 

I have found that the trend does continue and after so many times, I've gotten paranoid over who tries to have an RP relationship with my husband and even myself. I've made it to where my characters are often oblivious to romantic advances (which I am at times) and have often paired my character off with a close friend or my husband's.

 

RP is RP and it is suppose to be fun. It is no fun wondering if the person you are RPing with and they try and make advances towards you will get upset at you.

[Verad]

I have, in the past, had a couple of players push romance on my characters quite heavily - not this character, because have you seen him? - and in at least one instance, the person was explicitly doing so because they were lacking a specific kind of emotional connection outside of the game, and said as much. It's not fun, it can lead to quite a bit of guilt and hurt feelings, and the OP shouldn't just wait for the stalker to leave her alone, but actively discourage it.

 

That said, I think all RP romance is "pushed" to some degree. I'm actually highly suspicious of the notion that it can happen naturally. How long that push may take can vary greatly, of course, whether it be a months-long development or damn-near-instantaneous based on the desires of the players involved. But I think it does require a conscious effort on the part of the players to some degree. What differs between that and the kind of thing the OP is describing is whether or not that push is desirable or not, and whether both parties consent to it - for any number of different reasons.

 

To be clear, I'm not suggesting there is no IC/OOC divide at all in saying this, and that all RP romance is rooted in purely OOC motives, but I do think there's a choice on the part of the player rather than the character. Some of the people I have turned down for RP romance in the past would have, on a purely IC level, have fit the criteria that my character found attractive; nevertheless, I turned them down because I felt something was off about the player, or because I simply didn't like the player's RP aesthetic. 

 

Conversely, there are characters that would not have been automatically attractive to mine based on the criteria I had laid out for them initially (which sounds clinical, but I just mean that there was a general notion of "this is what the character likes, this is what they don't"); however, because the player's writing style clicked well with mine or the player had a particularly healthy perspective on playing that made it seem like they would playing a romance with them would result in interesting stories. So, with some OOC communication and consent, things were nudged in that direction accordingly.

 

I feel like I'm losing track of my point, which I admit is largely pedantic. My claim here is that RP romance doesn't really happen "naturally," as if it were an organic development. At best, I think it happens unexpectedly, when you encounter a character with qualities appealing to yours and a player you are comfortable playing with. But there's always a conscious choice on the part of the player to go in that direction.

[Faye]

Somewhat off-topic here, but I want to say in response to T'shina's post that's so incredibly refreshing to find someone in a relationship where both partners role-play and don't have all their characters romantically involved with each other's. I don't mean to imply there's anything wrong with that, only that all the baffled and incredulous responses I get from people when I explain that my boyfriend and my RP partner aren't the same person are incredibly annoying after a while, especially when it's followed-up by the questions of, "But don't you guys get jealous? Isn't it weird?"

 

No, we don't. No, it's not. It's RP. We get plenty of each other in real life. x_x

 

And in addition to what Verad said! I do agree that IC romance may always be OOCly pushed to some degree, but that's to be expected and harmless if for the right reasons. "I think this person role-plays well and our styles click," is a good reason. "I'm lonely and want a relationship or the closest thing I can get," is not and will only lead to problems unless both parties feel that way (but even then, serious issues are still inevitable).

 

But back directly on topic, to the OP, I would suggest actively deterring them, telling them you're not interested, and asking them to leave you alone. If all else fails, blocking them works wonders. I'm someone who's usually hesitant to block others, but ultimately, we role-play and play XIV to have fun and relax. If someone is bringing about the opposite reaction, they aren't someone you need to keep around.

[ArmachiA]

^ What up, me too!

 

Me and my Fiance roleplay and met Roleplaying in FFXI - but have never, EVER been in an RP relationship together, not even when we met! We believe, very firmly, that our characters are our characters and are NOT us. His character, Ellion Goto, is in a long term relationship with another character.

 

A lot of people think this means we have to be jealous or they think it's weird, but our characters are not us. Though me and Ellion click IRL - Armi and Ellion would most definitely not click and trying to force it would be a fool's errand.

 

I absolutely -hate- characters who are specifically rolled to be someone elses love interest simply because they are married or whatever IRL (Baring some exceptions, I've actually seen it very well done recently in my FC), but that's another conversation.

 

I don't know, me and Ellion are pretty secure in our relationship that it doesn't NEED to bleed into roleplay.

[Tiergan]

I find that it's best to just straight up tell people "So this is purely IC and will never, ever be OOC. The second it bleeds into OOC is the second we stop RPing with each other." when starting anything remotely resembling an IC romance with someone.