Roleplaying Romance: Obsession Emergency?

[LiveVoltage]

 

Hate to burst your bubble, but there are some large, extremely social in-real-life groups of RPers out there who get together on a regular basis to RP, as well as have active social lives outside of the game.  I myself work in sales, where I am constantly interacting with people (and, in fact, I get depressed when I'm not around people), and FFXIV is having a Fan Convention in October where a lot of RPers are gonna be getting together in the physical world to get drunk, party, and otherwise socialize with one aother.

 

I used to be a member of a 6000+ person RP organization that routinely ran conventions every 3 months or so that I attended on a regular basis just to spend 3-5 days doing nothing but socializng with other people.

 

Well.  And socializing, but that's another story....

You're not bursting any bubbles, but my scope of view and knowledge of what you refer too is different from youre's. As I have previously mentioned, I used to RP forum alot before coming to FFXIV and oh boy, there were a whole lot of NEET's that RPed wherever I went.

 

I know that there are social RPers out there, but to my experience, the majority are on the internet as NEET's. Now that we have clarified that, I would digress as to avoid any further arguments.

[Crisiet]

The reasons behind this person's behaviour don't matter. I hope Blue is able to deal with it without any more stress than has already been caused.

[Mercurias]

Like a lot of you nerds, I've been roleplaying for a while. MMO roleplay for about ten years and chatroom/forum roleplay since I was around eleven and mary-sueing it up. During that time, I've come into this problem over and over again, both happening to my own characters and then seeing it happen to others. I find it frustrating at times, not because I feel that every character I've ever made has to fall into a romantic subplot, but because having someone stalk you or someone you know online takes swiftly takes the fun of the game and sends it into unsettling territory.

 

On a personal note, I've had online stalking even end up at the point where some characters of mine ended up being retired exclusively due to being stalked, and having to report one person who took the stalking out of character, off the game, and ended up sending wildly inappropriate pictures to my personal email which was set up on the game's forums (always use PMs, guys. Don't list your email, even if it's a gaming email account).

 

Because of that, I've come up with a wee process that I tend to follow when it comes to roleplay in general and romance RP in specific.

 

First off, always look for red flags in behavior or in how the person interacts, either the character or the player OOCly. I find that I'm a fairly good judge of people, and if something clicks as wrong, strange, or even "sorta boring" to me, I'll tend to put the kibosh on deep relationships or plotlines fast. "Sorta boring" as a worry category came into the list because that was where the person with the inappropriate pictures happened, by the way. I'm not really much of a snob.

 

Secondly, I look for flags that the person is a bad drama factory. You can have friends who you like and enjoy talking to, and drama is what DRIVES good roleplay, but fabricating GOOD drama as opposed to hopping onto the lame, forced, or disturbing drama train and never getting off can be a sign that not everything is going well with the person and that they should be reaching out for help in the real world. At that point, it's time to set the IC relationship DOWN. Weird or creepy plotlines aren't always an indicator of someone who has something wrong going on, but you'd be surprised how often it can be a cry for help.

 

Thirdly, constant appeals for attention are a bad, obvious sign. Saying hello when someone logs in most days is one thing. Clamoring for that person or characters attention to the exclusion of any and all others? That's weird, dangerous territory, especially if the person begins to get openly upset or take things to tells in appeal to you OOC in an attempt to manipulate you into spending time with him or her. I've got people I enjoy roleplaying with, sure, but normally I'll sit down and jam with just about anybody. I can find something to do. I don't need to camp one person and get furious if their eyes wander. I won't even PRETEND I think that my characters are that fascinating (this is a good thing, considering that one of the biggest running jokes in my FC is how badly everybody wants to punch my current main character...Often including myself).

 

Fourth, I never, ever plan out a romance out of character. It'll either happen organically as a result of roleplay or it won't happen at all.

 

Fifth, if an IC relationship ends up taking a foray into romantic territory, I'll normally talk to the player about it OOCly and confirm that everything is alright. For example, I actually prefer roleplaying out romances with players who are already in HAPPY relationships for a whole lot of reasons that eventually boil down to the fact that I can really count on them not fantasizing about the relationship going out of character. That being said, I also will obviously make sure to respect any rules or boundaries that someone will put in place because, well, this is all a big game and we're here to have fun, not cause trouble for other people.

 

Sicth and most importantly? If I end up getting a stalker that disrupts my time on the game then he or she is blacklisted. Immediately. If they continue to harass me on alts or by running up to me and trying to engage through something that can go through the blacklist filter (/emotes, for example, used to go that in Guild Wars 2), then I'll immediately report that person for harassment to a GM.

 

To Blue, I say that I understand why you choose not to engage in romantic roleplay. There are a lot of reasons it can be worrisome, and navigating it at all can end up a landmine. I'm not at all belittling you for it.

 

But I believe you should have taken one of the gilsellers off of your blacklist and stuck that person on a long, long time before it reached this point. This is why the blacklist exists, and you could have ended the interaction a long time ago. I'm not going to say something like "It's your fault", because you weren't the person who started it, but you let it all go on way, way too long and you interacted with the other player long enough for him or her to get attached and that is BAD.

What you're dealing with right now if the fallout from that.

 

In the future, remember the Blacklist exists, and that it's there to protect you and help you enjoy the game before things get this bad.

 

*drops mic*

 

*signs*

 

And I'm out.

[111]

How about just don't be a creep.

[TheLastCandle]

How about just don't be a creep.

Crisp. Clear. Concise. Other adjectives starting with C. I like it.

[LiveVoltage]

I don't want to get into this but..

 

A NEET is a term coined in the UK but used pretty much globally now for "Not in Education, Employment, or Training". It is not a term that is made for how people deal with each other socially and behaviorally. I believe you are thinking of "hikikomori."

Oh, ok, thanks. I feel like an idiot for using NEET instead of Hikimori.  @_@

 

My point still stands at any relevant rate.

[Naunet]

I don't want to get into this but..

 

A NEET is a term coined in the UK but used pretty much globally now for "Not in Education, Employment, or Training". It is not a term that is made for how people deal with each other socially and behaviorally. I believe you are thinking of "hikikomori."

Oh, ok, thanks. I feel like an idiot for using NEET instead of Hikimori.  @_@

 

My point still stands at any relevant rate.

 

The point that has zero data to back it up?

[Kallan]

I'm finding it difficult to articulate the response I'd like to make, so please try not to read too terribly far into what I say.

 

I myself enjoy a good romance RP, but I feel that the other party's response to whatever approach I choose is most likely going to dictate how the relationship - romantic or not - will end up developing. I have played characters that fall hard and fast, and I have played characters that are much more reserved. It seems like most of the issue comes from those who play the 'hard and fast' type - which I can certainly understand. When I've played that type, if it's met with resistance, I've never gone the 'guilt' route ICly, because that's just..wrong?

 

Having said that, however, my current main character has low self-esteem and does in fact feel that the whole of womankind would find him less than desirable - but that's not a hook for me to try and guilt a possible RP partner, it's an outgrowth of the backstory I've chosen. I think the thing to keep in mind is that phrase I just used; "possible RP partner". Being rebuffed should be seen as an opportunity to grow the character - isn't that the whole point of what we're doing? Yes, there are people that play characters that flit from relationship to relationship, but if that's how the character develops, great. If it's to satisfy a need that someone is not getting OOC, then I think that's a problem, and I think that's where we have obsessions and 'stalking' occuring.

 

If I were going to ever play a character that would become obsessed with another (i haven't yet because it kind of creeps me out just thinking about it), I would approach the other party both IC and OOC and say something along the lines of, 'hey, I have this idea for this character based on this, this, and this, would you be interested in playing a character development storyline based on xyz?'. If someone can't give an OOC reason for their character's obsession/guilt tripping and/or can't describe how such a thing is going to develop or grow the character, then I don't think the person is RPing, I think they're trying to get themselves off on making someone uncomfortable, or just hoping that the "target" will choose to throw them a bone (so to speak).

 

Granted, that's just my lowly, lowly opinion. If you disagree with me, it must mean you hate me and I'm terrible, and I should just go back under my rock because no one ever likes me and I'm so lonely.

 

[Blue]

Wow so many answers during my sleep. That was a long but interesting read.

 

I really thank everyone for the support. A big part of my problem with this person is my own character, whose personality is very subdued, and aggressive upfront outbursts are very rare if not impossible from him/her. This sort of locked me between the two metaphorical fires, one being my will to not give this RPer what they wanted from me, and the other being the risk to break character by acting how they wouldn't. That resulted in my denials to always be polite, calm, and seemingly not effective for this roleplayer.

 

I don't know, maybe they think that until the day I openly tell them to fuck off and get lost, insisting is fair game.

 

Should they come and find me again, I will try and bring the rejection to the OOC level again, where I can be a little more straight (although I am also a very mild person, and making others angry/dislike me is always a throb in the chest for me, which is why I'm reluctant to block people). I really hope we can part ways in friendly terms, but it sounds like I'll have to cope with it, should this not be the case.

[Val]

Wow so many answers during my sleep. That was a long but interesting read.

 

I really thank everyone for the support. A big part of my problem with this person is my own character, whose personality is very subdued, and aggressive upfront outbursts are very rare if not impossible from him/her. This sort of locked me between the two metaphorical fires, one being my will to not give this RPer what they wanted from me, and the other being the risk to break character by acting how they wouldn't. That resulted in my denials to always be polite, calm, and seemingly not effective for this roleplayer.

 

I don't know, maybe they think that until the day I openly tell them to fuck off and get lost, insisting is fair game.

 

Should they come and find me again, I will try and bring the rejection to the OOC level again, where I can be a little more straight (although I am also a very mild person, and making others angry/dislike me is always a throb in the chest for me, which is why I'm reluctant to block people). I really hope we can part ways in friendly terms, but it sounds like I'll have to cope with it, should this not be the case.

 

Personally, I think it's entirely okay to break character and just walk away if something is making you OOCly uncomfortable. In the end, you're the one paying to play this game and you should be having fun. If someone is encroaching on that fun, you have every right to tell them to please stop and, barring that, remove yourself from them entirely. As I've told someone else before, you're not going to make everyone like you. We all have different beliefs/personalities/ideas of what we like, but subjecting yourself to this is only going to make things far more uncomfortable and unpleasant for you in the long run.

 

I hope this helped at least a little. If the person isn't willing to back off after speaking to them OOCly about it and informing them that it makes you uncomfortable or that you aren't interested, I would strongly suggest blocking them.

 

An afterthought: I recently had to do this, actually. Someone was creeping on my character hard and would simply not stop. After some drama unfolded, I politely asked them to not contact me again. They insisted and I blocked them. Now all is well I don't generally like blocking people either, but I have no problems doing it if the person refuses to take a hint.

[Verad]

Wow so many answers during my sleep. That was a long but interesting read.

 

I really thank everyone for the support. A big part of my problem with this person is my own character, whose personality is very subdued, and aggressive upfront outbursts are very rare if not impossible from him/her. This sort of locked me between the two metaphorical fires, one being my will to not give this RPer what they wanted from me, and the other being the risk to break character by acting how they wouldn't. That resulted in my denials to always be polite, calm, and seemingly not effective for this roleplayer.

 

I don't know, maybe they think that until the day I openly tell them to fuck off and get lost, insisting is fair game.

 

Should they come and find me again, I will try and bring the rejection to the OOC level again, where I can be a little more straight (although I am also a very mild person, and making others angry/dislike me is always a throb in the chest for me, which is why I'm reluctant to block people). I really hope we can part ways in friendly terms, but it sounds like I'll have to cope with it, should this not be the case.

 

I personally don't think you should concern yourself with breaking character on an IC level; rather, the stalking and problematic material is coming from the player, who is using the character as a vehicle to express it. You should handles this on the OOC level first rather than attempt to engage on an IC level.

 

That said, if you feel it necessary to handle this IC - people break character under unusual situations all the time. Yours would be far from the first, and having her normal attitude change in response to this would be normal in and of itself.

[FreelanceWizard]

I personally don't think you should concern yourself with breaking character on an IC level; rather, the stalking and problematic material is coming from the player, who is using the character as a vehicle to express it. You should handles this on the OOC level first rather than attempt to engage on an IC level.

 

I've got to second this sentiment. There's no real IC fix for an OOC issue, which is what this is. You can always figure out how to deal with the IC part later if the OOC results in a retcon or blacklisting.

[LiadansWhisper]

 

 

 

I personally don't think you should concern yourself with breaking character on an IC level; rather, the stalking and problematic material is coming from the player, who is using the character as a vehicle to express it. You should handles this on the OOC level first rather than attempt to engage on an IC level.

 

That said, if you feel it necessary to handle this IC - people break character under unusual situations all the time. Yours would be far from the first, and having her normal attitude change in response to this would be normal in and of itself.

 

So much this!

[Hiro]

I think a lot of people value relationships in RP a lot, they also value high impact encounters and high value encounters. I can personally see the value of a romantic relationship and how it shapes a character and personalities. For many, a character is a blank slate, they've got a back story, they've got an upbringing, and more often than not they have a vaguely laid out history. Most of the time people may include some sort of turbulent romance amongst those details which often leads to some sort of quirk or personality trait that is somewhat of their current core.

 

For character development people take notice of the large things that occur, and honestly I think 80% of that requires another PC's involvement on a major level. Sure people can grow and change on their own because time doesn't stop, life doesn't stop, but for a character things can easily stagnate. From what I've gathered, it's really conflict and relationships that drive these things and the problem I think here, is that the most obvious relationship impact involves romance just because of it's very nature.

 

I can safely say that my personal love life has been hectic, full of stupidity, and has left me with severe trust issues like most jaded and broken individuals. Of all the things I've experienced in my life, my love life has been one of the most influential sources and driving factors to who I am today that I can think back on and I'm sure a lot of others can as well. That isn't to say that isn't the ONLY source or that it's going to be for others as well, but I certainly can see why it's such a pursuit. I mean, there's gotta be a reason why they feel the need to jam romance it into every aspect of entertainment media and that every brooding hero needs some sort of heartache; for most it probably looks something like: "Every great story has a love story piggy backing on to it in some form."

 

For me, I've had similar experiences with romance in RP and my solution has been the same as most here. Deal with it and worry about the IC later, its not something you can really fault anyone for and while not ideal it happens we just roll with the punches and move on. RP is my fun and relaxation time, if it's no fun for me and those around me, why bother? It's your game and your time, you need to do what's best for you and as long as you're not stepping on any avoidable toes, there's nothing wrong with that.

[Kallan]

 

 

 

I personally don't think you should concern yourself with breaking character on an IC level; rather, the stalking and problematic material is coming from the player, who is using the character as a vehicle to express it. You should handles this on the OOC level first rather than attempt to engage on an IC level.

 

That said, if you feel it necessary to handle this IC - people break character under unusual situations all the time. Yours would be far from the first, and having her normal attitude change in response to this would be normal in and of itself.

 

So much this!

 

I will third (or fourth or fifth) this as well, but I will go a little further. There is no place for what this person is doing, IC or OOC - this is supposed to be something that we all do for fun - if someone is sucking the fun out of it, I see no reason why they should be humored in the slightest. Whether IC or OOC, this person needs to be made aware that they are not at all welcome and their best course of action is to go the hell away.

 

Chances are, you'll have plenty of people that would be more than happy to back you up, too.

[naachyan]

I'm pretty late to join this discussion, but I'd like to contribute all the same!

 

I'm completely new to RP. Three months in, to be exact. When I first started noticing all the romance RP around me, I didn't think much of it at all. After all, these are supposed to be fantasy-genre stories, and these usually have a romance sub-plot. In fact, probably one of the reasons why players try to find a romantic partner for their character so early on, is that we are conditioned to what we've watched/read in media where the love interest of the main character is introduced right away, so people end up scanning for that other character early on.

 

Later, I began to find out that, many players actually tend to either live vicariously through their characters, or, simply have a set plan for theirs and insist on making them involved with another player's character because that's how they wanna play. I've had a couple of players continuously guilt-trip me OOCly that Mylene should have been with their character, despite me giving them the benefit of the doubt and trying to explain to them that RP is cause and effect, and you can't just decide on stuff like that. Eventually, I have learned to ignore these comments all-together.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love writing emotional/romantic RP because romance is probably my favorite genre in media, followed by fantasy. However, for that sole reason, I am incredibly picky about it. I wasn't just going to pair Mylene up with anyone just so I can get to write all of that into her story. The two characters must, in one way or another, be able to contribute something to one another, and help each other grow. (Whether or not the relationship works out ICly is a different story.) It just has to make sense, or at least be interesting! Also, to me, romance just is not superior to friendship. Mylene has evolved so much more because of her friendships than she ever could with a romantic partner. So, despite that romance /will/ be a part of her story, it's not the driving force behind it.

 

[Funny thing is, because Mylene is so emotional/friendly, I -think- I once unintentionally made a player think she was coming onto their character, despite the fact that she was obviously way younger than his was, and basically had no common ground with (not that Mylene would ever come onto anyone in the first place, but, you know ). That experience has taught me how text can be wrongly interpreted, and I am a lot more careful now!]

 

As for the whole IC bleeding into OOC territory. As a person who has been in a steady offline relationship for a -very- long time, and with a fellow gamer who understands the concept of RP and separating IC from OOC, I will not shy away from setting clear lines with a player who makes me uncomfortable on what should or should not be said, and if they disrespect that, I'll just ignore them completely. We are all aware enough to be able to tell when someone is "Joke-flirting" which can be fun and hilarious, and when someone is "creepy-flirting", which I'm sure a lot of you know what I mean by.

 

Honestly, Blue, I'm really sorry that you had to experience something so severe Like you said, you should try to just be blunt with them OOCly, and work with it from there. If it turns out badly, there's always blacklisting. You have all of our support on the matter. I wish this will not drive you away from the game, or roleplaying in general.

[Clover]

I'm late too, but I wanted to contribute a bit of my own.

 

I've seen people complain about those who play romance. Well, love is a powerful driving factor that effectively move characters in any direction, so I wouldn't diminish its importance in a story. A different matter is when you don't like how it's played, of course (I myself don't get my characters involved in easy and fast relationships), but that doesn't mean that playing romance in general is a bad thing. Finding someone to connect with is and will always be a very important point in anyone's life, and this includes characters.

 

As for stalkers and forced romance, well, no one likes that *sweatdrops*. I myself have also been receiving whispers from someone who is being too flirty for my tastes, and who breaks the IC and OOC line easily. It's going to happen in every game, I guess.

[Kellach Woods]

About the whole romance is a driving force in narration... it's also because it's often seen that people latch on to this idea that it has to happen and try to force it. As though nothing you do matters unless romance is involved.

[ArmachiA]

I wouldn't call it the driving force of narration, but it's so ingrained in media that I can see where people get it twisted.

 

Love stories are really good -side- plots, but if they become the main plot everything tends to get boring quickly. Really good, epic storylines have really good epic romance behind them as well. Behind them, is the key. Love stories help emphasis an already strong plot, making it more emotionally impacting.

 

Even some of the better romance novels out there have a driving plot, putting the romance secondary to it (See: Dark Hunters)

 

BUT, there are those people in the world who like their Twilights (Plot doesn't start till like page 300), their Harlequin romances, and their silly rom-coms*. These things don't tend to work in RP though, since it's an ongoing storyline and never ending, just doing romance is boring to MOST rpers because we aren't in a 2 hour movie or a 200 page book.

 

My character is involved in a romance, she tends to write about it in her journal a lot (Because who wouldn't) but she's also embroiled in some very dangerous plotlines that, when they are active, take the forefront of the story. She also has friends that she talks to regularly, trains to be good with a sword, writes music, all kinds of things. She wants to be better for herself and not for anyone else.

 

I think that's the best way to do it. It's a bit discouraging when some people believe having a romance is the only thing that matters. It's like "My character is your friend... how does that not matter?" but alas...

 

*For the record I love a good rom-com.

[Mijisaa Qisaa]

*For the record I love a good rom-com.

 

^ This note

 

But on topic, shut that down gurl.  Really, I would totally just go OOC about it if it's so bothersome, then Blist the person, and then pretend it didn't happen or magically resolved itself ICly. I wouldn't confront the person ICly, it doesn't sound like it will work with this person if they're so gungho.  Just my two Lala cents!

[Crisiet]

BUT, there are those people in the world who like their Twilights (Plot doesn't start till like page 300)

 

Plot?

 

Ripping on Twilight. Gods I'm a comedic genius.

[Clover]

I wouldn't call it the driving force of narration, but it's so ingrained in media that I can see where people get it twisted.

 

Love stories are really good -side- plots, but if they become the main plot everything tends to get boring quickly. Really good, epic storylines have really good epic romance behind them as well. Behind them, is the key. Love stories help emphasis an already strong plot, making it more emotionally impacting.

 

Even some of the better romance novels out there have a driving plot, putting the romance secondary to it (See: Dark Hunters)

 

BUT, there are those people in the world who like their Twilights (Plot doesn't start till like page 300), their Harlequin romances, and their silly rom-coms*. These things don't tend to work in RP though, since it's an ongoing storyline and never ending, just doing romance is boring to MOST rpers because we aren't in a 2 hour movie or a 200 page book.

 

My character is involved in a romance, she tends to write about it in her journal a lot (Because who wouldn't) but she's also embroiled in some very dangerous plotlines that, when they are active, take the forefront of the story. She also has friends that she talks to regularly, trains to be good with a sword, writes music, all kinds of things. She wants to be better for herself and not for anyone else.

 

I think that's the best way to do it. It's a bit discouraging when some people believe having a romance is the only thing that matters. It's like "My character is your friend... how does that not matter?" but alas...

 

*For the record I love a good rom-com.

 

Ah, I understand what you mean.

 

I don't think it's influence from the media but from human nature, as many people seem to seek and force romance irl as well, from what I've observed. But yes, depending on how it's played, it can be interesting to some people or another. I just think it's a crashing of opinions, as some people might enjoy epic plots and others might find them boring.

 

I myself favour the kind of romance that's either integrated in a plot or that serves as a driving force for things to actually happen to a character. I'm not playing romance in FFXIV so far, but I do have romantic elements in my current Blade&Soul RP, and they're key factors to my characters' plots (my main character for falling in love with her enemy in the middle of a war that's only going to scalate, and my secondary for being unhealthily obsessed with her brother, which will likely end with her being severely punished or execued). I don't tend to play romance for the sake of it, and (so far) my characters can fall in love but they never really got to be involved in real and steady relationships. Who knows when that might change!

 

In any case, I don't mind what other people do with their romance plots, so long as there's diversity (it can be frustrating otherwise). So long as everyone's playing their favourite kind of story, I think it's all good ^^

[Dravus]

If another role-player is making you uncomfortable with inappropriate advances or appears to be struggling to recognise that IC and OOC affairs are entirely different to each other then don't be afraid to just distance yourself from their company without a word.

 

Romance in role-play can be done well but in my experience it's best done between role-players that know exactly where they stand. Otherwise it can get very messy and lead to awkward drama that affects not only the pair involved but potentially entire guilds and mutual friends as well.

 

Which is precisely why I only have my characters pursue a romantic relationship if it makes sense and I trust the other role-player(s) involved in a story that revolves around romantic themes. Typically that's with my partner's characters or friends that won't make the entire situation awkward and contrived.

 

I do think that a lot of role-players place too heavy an emphasis upon romance, though. There's a lot of reasons for that but in many cases it just comes off as desperate and can rapidly turn a potentially intriguing role-play session into something very difficult to be enthusiastic about. Then again I've always been a fan of letting major plot points occur naturally and it seems like some role-players lack the patience to see that happen.

[Roswyn]

Personally, I think it's entirely okay to break character and just walk away if something is making you OOCly uncomfortable. In the end, you're the one paying to play this game and you should be having fun. If someone is encroaching on that fun, you have every right to tell them to please stop and, barring that, remove yourself from them entirely. As I've told someone else before, you're not going to make everyone like you. We all have different beliefs/personalities/ideas of what we like, but subjecting yourself to this is only going to make things far more uncomfortable and unpleasant for you in the long run.

 

I hope this helped at least a little. If the person isn't willing to back off after speaking to them OOCly about it and informing them that it makes you uncomfortable or that you aren't interested, I would strongly suggest blocking them.

 

An afterthought: I recently had to do this, actually. Someone was creeping on my character hard and would simply not stop. After some drama unfolded, I politely asked them to not contact me again. They insisted and I blocked them. Now all is well I don't generally like blocking people either, but I have no problems doing it if the person refuses to take a hint.

 

....Admittedly, it took me a long long time to learn this one and I finally got it when I was witnessing someone hounding an FC-mate of mine. I'm pretty staunch on keeping the IC in the IC and handling it there and keeping it there. Eventually, I had to realize that certain people are just not in character when they are pursuing certain "activities" and storylines.

 

Since they really aren't roleplaying and are pushing their "character" with OOC desires then basically anything your character does anyway is pointless because there is no one on the other side to be influenced or affected by your characters actions. The only thing you can really do is a hard OOC "No." Which is kind of uncomfortable all around.