Zhauric

I found myself doing a slow double take when I sat up in bed in the morning. Under the sheets of the bed I could see the curved shape of her figure while her fire touched red hair splayed itself over the pillow. The swell of her breasts rising and falling with every breath beneath the night shirt she wore and pale skin seemed to be illuminated though no light filtered into the room. Red and right now she was my Red. It was a bit mind boggling how this came about and the suddenness of it all. It began with her calling me over while a friend of hers and she spoke to each other regarding a simple dish the friend, Shida, had prepared. Before I knew it Lizbette, or Red as I have come to call her, had me sampling the dish and then later a glass of wine. That evening the three of us chatted and there were moments that Shida questioned if she should run away due to the innuendo that had been taking place between Liz and I. Even now I chuckle at the memory. When we met again I had found her reclining in Ul'dah. I thank the Twelve she didn't know how she filled my vision when I saw her. Well, I at least believe I played it off with some sort of casualness that I didn't feel at the sight of her sitting there. The moment she invited me to join her I knew I was done for. There was simply no way I was going to be able to exist near this woman and not get caught up in that damn firestorm her presence brought upon me. The invitation to sit even closer did nothing to quell the potency of that rising inferno. We sat there speaking to one another and things fell into the background. I didn't care who was around. I didn't care about the blocks I came across in my current investigation. I didn't care about anything except that woman sitting right there next to me who at times leaned into me like she had the other night on occasion. Before I was aware we were making plans to visit the snows of Ishgard and challenging each other with the threat of snowballs and a lightness that I haven't felt for years. This woman who still held a bruise from dealing with a drunkard at her tavern and knuckles still scoffed from connecting with his jaw had more shades to her than I expected. And I was easily mesmerized by her. She joined me at the Proving Grounds after handling some affairs to observe the contest amongst the many skilled gladiators. I could sense the brutality of some of the fights made her feel a touch uneasy though not in some squeamish manner. I knew she was not unaccustomed to physical conflict herself but she displayed honest concern for those combating below. For me this was just yet another benefit to the shape of this woman. Too many times I have come upon those who relished in the brutality and violence that stalked the world around us or gave it such a casual shrug that empathy no longer seemed part of the pattern. Late into the contest we decided to make wagers between ourselves on which fighter would win. No gil but the promise of a single question, any question, to be asked of the other at that individual's discretion. We both won a match and chose not to wager on the final thinking the larger man, Garinn, would win though we both were proven wrong on that point. I stood there as the fighting came to an end behind the cheers of a raucous crowd of betters and onlookers trying to fixate my mind on what I could possibly ask this woman for her honest word upon. We retired in the evening for her to tour me through the quarters of the crew her cousin stood amongst and who she worked alongside. It was an interesting place and intriguing with the things they had gathered during their travels but I admit my eyes were on her any time her back had turned. The sway of her hips, the flow of her enflamed hair, the softness of her pale skin. She easily, simply, brought the man out of me that had been so dormant for so long. How did she do this so quickly? So naturally like drawing a breath? That's when we settled for shots of whiskey and she decided to take her winnings and ask me the question that had immediately leapt into her mind when she won that wager. In a roundabout way she wanted to see if her mixed Garlean blood would sway my feelings. If I was a man who enjoyed the blood that sat upon my hands as an ex-soldier and I immediately gave her my honest word. It did not. It was about who she was as Lizbette, Red. Not about her ancestry or the blood that coursed through her veins. I didn't want to also say it was about how she made me feel and how my eyes were drawn to her even with a world existing around us. So many years I had dealt with the pain of loss. So many years I felt hollow and like an echo existed within and this woman, this woman found a way to put a stitch of mending to it. Am I complete? Am I who I was before? No. Not yet. Of course not. But the fact that any rejuvenation had begun held me in awe of what Liz's presence did for me. She asked me to stay the night with her and I was not foolish enough to say no. Despite the sight of her bare skin in some places, the knowing and flowing curves of her figure, there was no sexual intimacy between us. Even though we did as we were growing accustomed to playfully enjoy other's presence in teasing manner, we went through the evening with her in my arms while we slept. I cannot even recall the last time I slept with a woman, that was not my late wife, in such a way and did not actually bed her. And I was more than okay with that. I was at peace for an evening with no trespassing by the nightmares that often anchored themselves to my slumber. I was able to sleep soundly and through a night with my Red in my arms and once again understand what tranquility beneath a night's curtain felt like. Turning, I leaned over her sleeping form and softly kissed her temple. "Thank you," I whispered softly and slowly began to rise for my upcoming meeting.

I couldn’t help but think if I really wanted to be here once more. Already an inkling was telling me that First Flame Lieutenant Greaves didn’t send for me to visit his lovely and bubbly office for a friendly chat about the latest gladiator match over tea and cakes. Not that I am a fan of either but a little alcohol mixed in that tea sure wouldn’t hurt to turn this meeting into something more than a pain in my arse. I had went through a sequence of thoughts on my trek to the officer’s office to trace back what had been written in my reports regarding the missing weapons. Once satisfied I raised my hand toward the oak door’s surface. Knocking on the door I was greeted with the deep and bellowing voice of Greaves barreling out from behind the door for me to enter. Taking one more heavy sigh before opening the door I stepped into an adequately sized office with the Midlander officer Greave rising to his feet behind his wooden desk. His better years had obviously went by and he seemed to be fighting to keep the building bulge in his midsection from poking out and introducing itself. A glance to my left I noticed that someone in an Immortal Flames uniform sat there. Rigid shoulders, straight back, clenched fists on his thighs marked this one easily as someone getting their arse handed to them. All I could see was the jet-black hair and olive skin from my position but whoever they were they didn’t bother acknowledging that I entered the room. Inwardly I merely shrugged at the indifference since he was the one missing out on my winning personality after all. “Stormborn, glad you made it here,” Greaves said extending his hand. I stepped toward the desk to accept the hand. “Missed me that much, eh? Must be my charm.” Greaves grunted at that before nodding at the chair across him and to the side of the still seated figure. A glance gave me a better look and I immediately placed him in his early to mid twenties and noticed the rank of Flame Sergeant Third Class. He didn’t bother looking in my direction as I seated myself and waited for Greaves to handle the introductions. Already I found myself oh so giddy in anticipation. “Stormborn, this is Flame Sergeant Third Class Thorne.” Thorne finally chose to turn his head my direction at this point though he might as well have not bothered. In those small brown eyes only stood contempt. I didn’t recall his face and don’t remember doing much to piss anyone off in the day or hours. Granted anything after a day’s period was a roll of the bones whether I did something of the like so I ignored him and turned my attention back to Greaves. “Is this about the weapons shipment I’m tracking?” I asked trying to cut to the point. “No,” Greaves said waving a dismissive hand. “This is something else entirely though a person you mentioned in your report is more centered in this one. Gal Kamille was being questioned recently by the Sergeant here and apparently his questioning techniques did not fit her liking. To say her cooperation went out the door would be putting it nicely.” Gal again. Well, maybe this would turn out to be interesting after all. I had already began calling her ‘Legs’ in my head but decided it was unprofessional to think that in the office of your employer. At least that was how I explained it to myself. “Fill me in,” I said simply without looking at Thorne. And did Greaves ever. Not only did the sergeant botched the questioning but also decided putting his hands on the person of interest was the smart play of things. I didn’t hide my distaste for the way Thorne had handled the questioning with the look I threw his way but remained silent to make sure not to interrupt Greaves before he laid out all the facts for me. “So how many times?” I asked Thorne once Greaves finished. The sergeant looked at me confused which, unsurprising, seemed rather natural on his face. “How many times what?” he snapped in retort when he recovered from his confusion. “How many times did your Ma drop you on your head as a babe for you to get this damned dense?” Thorne leaped to his feet at my words despite the fact I remained seated looking up him. My disinterest and boredom had to be rather obvious on my own features because I heard Greaves chuckle slightly before he ordered the sergeant to remember himself and sit down. Once he finally did we continued with this meeting that still left alcohol out of attendance. “Okay, here is where things went wrong,” I said finally leaning forward with my forearms pressed to my thighs. “One, Gal can’t be intimidated. Learn the reputation of your subject 'fore ya go doing something like that. Everything I heard on her tells me that type of strong arming does nothing. The damned woman is part of an airship team and lives on the edge of life. "Second, it sounds like her reaction speaks of a connection to the missing target. A connection that means something to her.” “And!?” Thorne barked from his seat. “And…you machina genius you…that means she isn’t responsible. She may know who does though and that means you need her cooperation. Ya need her on your team. Do you go putting your hands on those you need something from and expect their loyalty?” I shook my head. “You meet them halfway. She respects honest word and all the shite to be tossed aside. You came at her like the enemy. That shite not going to work on her.” I fell silent letting my words sink in for both of them before I spoke again with my eyes directly boring into Thorne. “And if I was there I would have broke that damned arm you used to put your hands on her,” I told him without a waver in my tone. “Get upset 'bout it for all I give a damn cause I don’t. Don’t care Greaves is here. He knows I mean my word.” Having enough of the idiot for the moment I turned to Greaves. “I can see what she knows or if I can be of some help and let ya know how it comes out. Retainer fee should suffice depending how deep the shite is on this one. Will need to know all ya got on the missing target.” Greaves nodded. “Anything else?” “Yeah. Keep this dumb shite away from me,” I said nodding in Thorne’s direction while rising to my feet. “He’s the type that fucks things up for others to clean up. I’m pretty handy with a broom but rather not be cleaning, if ya get the drift.” “Unfortunately, I do,” Greaves responded while shooting a dark glance in Thorne’s direction. “Let me know what you learn immediately.” I gave him a mock salute since my military days were behind me and I held absolutely zero interest in returning and then walked out the door. The moment the door closed I could hear Greaves bellowing at Thorne again. That gave me a smirk before I grabbed my flask, uncorked the top and took a slight pull. It was time to get my day in motion once more and go greet a nice pair of legs while I was at it.

Kaelivh remained on the beach for a time after Gal’s departure. His gaze was cast ahead, riding along the currents of the waters spread out before him like a blanket upon the world. In his right hand he held the metal flask that he rose to his lips. The pull he drew from the flask sent the alcohol down his throat accompanied by a slight burning sensation. At this point he had grown numb to that feeling and almost welcomed it every time. “Yeah, but I got shite to do, don’t I?” he said aloud to himself while replacing the top on the flask. He had spent the evening searching for information regarding Valiant Pride, the Immortal Flames airship that held a cargo hold full of various weapons meant for lands Kaelivh wasn’t allowed to hold knowledge of. He moved from tavern to the next listening, sorting out folks and discerning anything he thought would be useful since those who were filling his coin purse were choosing to be anything but helpful. Yet they want me to find these weapons or the raiders responsible for taking the cargo? The Flames can get voidsent for shite like this for all I care. Yet a job was a job and Kaelivh had to admit he needed something to preoccupy his mind rather than the memories that wrenched him out of his sleep far too many nights. It had gotten to the point he barely registered sleep choosing to instead saunter through day by day despite the fog descending over his mind with the lack of rest. “No avoiding it, is there?” he said aloud with a resigned sigh. “Time to find a place to bed for the night.” He found her sitting on the bench surrounded by shrubbery and flowers peaking beneath the touch of the sun. It had been the bench they occupied many days and some nights. She had chosen to teach him how to read there and shared her life experiences with many wrapped in laughter and smiles. Not now. This time she sat there with her hands folded within her lap, eyes downcast like a burden laid upon her shoulders. Her raven black hair cascaded over her features hiding them from his prying eyes while her willowy white gown seemed to shift slightly in the breeze. Her hands seemed to cradle something in her lap. Something that could fit in the palm of her hands but he was not close enough to truly see past the shadows of her looming over the object. Kaelivh stepped closer without speaking a word. Dragging her gaze upwards he found himself meeting emerald green eyes settled in an oval shaped face with a peach cream complexion. She stared at him as if not truly seeing him and slowly, gradually, raised her cupped hands… The heart still beat with a pulsating beat. Blood that was not there before slithered over her fingers with an agonizingly slow drip toward the stone floor beneath her feet. Kaelivh blinked. More blood covered her hands down to her wrist. She held the heart up like an offering. A slow spreading of blood began to bloom in the center of her chest. Kaelivh blinked again. The blood from her wrists traveled down to her elbows like it sought to crawl along her flesh… “Where were you?” her voice nearly whispered through cracked lips. Kaelivh jerked upright in the bed. The blanket had fell from his upper torso revealing his form to while air was swallowed into his lungs and expelled deeply. His eyes shifted within the room in a frantic search that would yield him nothing but at the same time everything. They brought the realization in slow and agonizing seconds that he was still alone and that he was still trapped in a prison of his own making. Hurling the sheet aside he reached for the flask on his night stand, hesitated, then dropped his hand. I can’t keep going like this, he thought. I have to find out what happened to her or it’ll be the damned end of me. Gathering himself, he climbed out of the bed and stepped toward the window. His gaze swept into the evening while he continued to take calming deep breaths. The dreams seemed to vary so much with little in common except to mark him at fault for what had happened. Guilt wrapped around him like a coat but he knew it was one of his own weaving. His presence had been aboard his sister's ship, Stormdancer, when the one woman he had ever given himself to had been taken from the known world. Standing there he shook his head as if that could rid him the remnants of the dream that haunted the corners of his mind yet still. It had been too vivid and darker than he had grown accustomed to. Did some sort of symbolism lie in the giving of her heart that he wasn't aware of? Then again what symbolism could lie within such images when he was his own jailer, his own judge and executioner. Kaelivh sighed heavily before moving back toward the bed and falling to sit on the very edge. He buried his face in his palms feeling the weariness creeping through every fiber of his being. He knew he would attempt to sleep again because his body had grown to the point of demanding such. Did I fail you, Maeliel, or is all this torture only me trying to find yet another reason to punish myself for something in life, he thought to himself. I don't even know the answer to my own questions except for one truth. I need to find out what happened to you and see if I can right that wrong if there is ever to be some damned peace to my own soul. With that final thought he sighed heavily before lying down once more seeking the peace in slumber he craved so much.

Greetings and welcome aboard. Very nice intro you put together there and happy to have you along for the ride.

As Liadans whispered (see what I did there?), you have options in servers which is always a good thing. Hopefully you find a setting you can call home and find your place within the community for your future enjoyment. Look forward to seeing you around and welcome aboard. Oh and don't worry. Some of us are ancient roleplayers too from good ol' WoW *smiles recollecting his fun time with Onyxia*

Greetings and welcome aboard. There are pockets of roleplayers scattered on several servers but the more active populations appear to be Balmung and Mateus for NA and Omega for EU. Balmung has a strong pulse here on the site though it is open to all servers and roleplayers so you'll see post from various servers that will be tagged for identifying purposes. Mateus, like stated previously, centers mostly on Discord and still a pulsing and strong community as I bounce on it and Balmung currently. Again welcome aboard and look forward to seeing you around and some of those writing you spoke of.

Welcome to the world of role-playing in the Final Fantasy setting. Great amounts of information is located right here on the site that could be beneficial as you go along. Hope you have a great amount of fun out there adding another aspect to your gaming. Enjoy yourself.

Heh, nice intro and no worries on the rambling. Of course I say that because I tend to ramble myself and probably should consider building a union to represent us ramblers or at least a club with a secret handshake or something. In any case, welcome aboard and always happy to see others who enjoy writing and developing their characters. I have characters on Balmung and Mateus though currently focusing on Mateus at the moment so feel free to message or just say hi any time. Right now seems Ryuu Kaisoto is getting my attention character wise but still nailing things down in this noggin of mine. Again, welcome aboard and always aim to enjoy yourself out there.

Greetings to you both and welcome back to Eorzea. Look forward to seeing you both around. I haven't joined a LS or FC on Mateus myself at this point so no recommendations from me. I will point out that the Mateus community is much more active via discord if you haven't joined their HUB's yet. Feel free to say hello or poke if you see me around. I tend to be on Ryuu Kaisoto on Mateus these days. Have a good one out there.

Greetings and welcome aboard. I'm new to Mateus myself and hoping to begin getting to know people and such. It definitely looks to be a rather active server atmosphere. Hope you have fun out there.

I have heard one called the Guilded Lantern. I'm not on the server but do have a friend who plays there and is a RPer so she may be able to get me a contact name if you do not find out anything else about them. Just let me know and best of luck out there.

Just a shot while out at a restaurant and such.

Greetings and welcome. A friend of mine who is a RPer plays on that server and told me there is a RP FC that goes by the name of Guilded Lantern so you may want to ask around about that one and see what's what. Hopefully that helps but if I can be of assistance just let me know and I'll see what more I can find out. Enjoy yourself out there.

The Correct Step (Journal #7) Sometimes the way Kai eyes Nassa and I when we are together makes me think she might find a place for one of her knives in my side or something. Other times she looks upon us with some sort of, abyss I can’t explain it, fondness? It’s like a sea storm going on behind that woman’s eyes and she isn’t one that is easy to read. Is she thinking Nassa and I are doing something? I mean, Twelves curse me, yeah Nassa is easy on the eyes and I admit I care for the little lady but Kai is Kai. She has been my world before anything else. No one can take me from her but her. She is home and where I feel I was always meant to be. Maybe that’s why I made the trip I did the other day. Kai wanted to know where I was going and even Nassa did too. Kai because she hates when we are not together cause of obvious reasons in the past. Even when I take merchant caravan jobs guarding the lot of merchants and goods she is concerned. I took her on a couple already but then I see the worry in Nassa’s eyes too and remember how she loss her fallen mate. Sands take me but what am I to do with these two women! Anyway, the trip I took was me choosing what to do with one of them. Nassa I still, I don’t know. The way she acts around me I, I just don’t know. But Kai? Kai I know. Kai I know the shape of the that storm. I know the waters and how I want to chart them. I just know that I want her and I want her for all my days that I have left in this tide cursed world. So I went and did something I’m not overly fond of which is shopping. I admit it. I don’t no shit about buying something for a woman. I got one thing for one and she left my ass looking the fool so that was no example to live by, right? But tide take me but this feels right. Even when I stood there trying to understand what in the abyss I was looking out and deciding on. All of it. It felt right. I was meant to be there. I was meant to make this decision. I was meant to be with Kai. All of it. Sort of catches me off guard, right? Never felt so damned certain about anything in my entire existence than this. Nothing so firm in my mind. I even spoke to Nassa about it because she walked this path before and from the smile on that little one’s face she knew all what I meant. Course I also saw the water forming in her eyes and that doused me a bit. But she reassured me the correct step I’m making on this path and that she knows Kai would want nothing less herself. It wasn’t that Kai had told her as such but she said it was all too apparent between Kai and I that this was the path necessary for us both to continue in this world. So, well, wish me luck. Don’t know when I’ll get the chance to see if my shopping skills prove to be of any worth or if I will even know what to bloody say when the time comes. Not like I’m writing something down. I’m just going with the flow, right? Isn’t that how it is done? Twelve take me if I fuck all this up and show no mercy on my soul because I have no damned clue what I’m doing but on my blood I’m doing it!

A Bond Forming (Journal #6) I have to say things are, well, different in this house now with Nassa around. She has been staying with us for some weeks to this point. She began off quiet and trying to keep to herself for the most. One day, Kai and I tried to get Nassa to open more about what events brought her to Ul'dah of all places. Okay, I say that like Ul'dah is not often crowded with merchants seeking to fatten their purses and a mixture bowl of a different beings Maybe it’s because Kai and I are looking to move on and take our steps upon the world outside these walls together. Anyway, Nassa was reluctant for some time but finally after breaking our fast she spoke while gazing at the flames in the cook pit. It’s like she lost herself in those flames and let herself finally speak like a dam had broken and it was time to let everything flow freely. The tale she wove of this Taishan, her husband and a member of the Malqir tribe left both Kai and I silent. Part of me longed to meet this man who called her ‘My Little Bird’. A man who found her bleeding in the snows after she was cast out of her own tribe among the Dotharl tribe. He had taken her back to his people, watched over her and had her nursed back to health. When she spoke I could see the smile on her lips and I cannot lie. It was a beautiful smile on her lips and I found myself immediately wanting to do what I can to help it stay there. Unfortunately, the deeper she dove into that tale the more that smile began to drift away. Acceptance wasn’t coming easy among Taishan’s tribe but due to Taishan’s standing no harm came to Nassa in the slightest. True she was not held in high regard and never truly home among them but she apparently did not care because she had a home right there with Taishan. He loved her like no other had done in her life. Where in the past she was met with scorn, with him she was met kindness. Where she was met with the wrath of a tongue in the past, with him she was caressed by gentle words. Where in the past she was met with abandonment, with him she was given security. All in all the way she spoke of their marriage and the love they shared made me envious of the man for having something I never was able to grasp in such a way. A life tied to a life. Her love was all in the words she shared, the expressions she displayed and in her eyes. I won’t lie, I stole many glances at Kai during this time. I don’t know if she noticed or not or if she even had any idea of the thoughts that trampled through my mind during this reclaiming of the past but one day she will. On that I swear on my blood because Nassa’s story struck me in a damned way I don’t think I’ll bother putting to words. Back to the little lady, Nassa. This Taishan’s tribe tried to keep to their ways when necessary but finally sought to learn more of the trading with various sources which is what led to Nassa being here with us. Taishan was sent to commence this bartering and learn more for their tribe to adapt to these new ways and world around them. Of course he couldn’t leave Nassa behind knowing that her standing with the tribe held not stature without him so she joined him aboard the vessel that took them to Limsa Lominsa and from there they undertook their travels with a trading caravan. This is where the pain of this damned cursed world of ours returned to plague Nassa and I could see the moment the story turned by just reading her expression. Kai had sensed it too and before I knew it we both had laid a hand upon her. I took hold of Nassa’s upper arm to show her my support while Kai had reached over and squeezed the little one’s thigh. The tension in Nassa’s entire body made me dread what words would soon follow and I found myself bracing my damned self for would come from those lips. Our worries were proven true when she had this blank expression and tears rolled down her cheeks. The words she gave us made me grit my teeth in frustration and anger. The loss, the pain, the betrayal. I could see out the corner of my eye Kai was no different for she had suffered such pains in her life as well and that only fueled my anger that much more. We heard the tale of the caravan being overran by raiders and how Taishan stood valiantly making one of his guards drag her away screaming and fighting to stay with him while he allowed his spear to dance and hold any pursuit at bay for the guard and Nassa to get away. She told us how she tried to continually get away from the guard and return to Taishan’s side and how he prevented it every single time making her feel helpless to stand by the one figure that ever loved her. The one man that ever stood by her and for her. Yeah before Kai and I knew it we both were holding her and felt her body shake with the sobs that escaped. And you know what? You’d think that’d be it but nope. The damned guard left her! That’s right the fucking sand cuddled idiot left her saying she was not his problem and no Malqir so he abandoned her to return home. I swear on my blood when she spoke of this I was vowing in my head to hunt this one down and find out how many ways I could make that Twelve cursed fool bleed and suffer like I know she did. It made memories of my own refugee caravan finding Ul'dah and all I endured as a child. Granted it led me to my Kai so there was a touch of the sun in all of my journey that I will always be thankful for. Soon her words became more silent and we sat with her trying to comfort her in our ways and reassure her that she is safe with us. That she will have a home with us for as long as she seeks it. I found I swore on my blood to always be there for her if she needed me and Kai took echoed my words. I think even in that moment of pain and grief a bond was formed between the three of us. One not easily broken and one that made, I don’t know, a new sort of family right there under our roof. Am I seeing too much into it? No, I don’t really think so. Granted my love often calls me a thick=headed fool so what do I know, right? Remembering all this isn’t easy on me cause I don’t like seeing Nassa hurt. In such a short time that little lady has found a home with us and I have found myself caring about her well being and it is obvious Kai felt the same or Nassa wouldn’t even be here living with us. She’s a part of us now and I don’t think I want that to go away. But what do we do about it becomes the question, right? Anyway, until next time.

Unexpected Guest (Journal #5) Well, I came home to Kaia and to a little surprise. Really little in size that is though not in, well, I’m not sure what word to describe this one so I’ll just spell out the evening. I was out and about seeing to matters since we’re trying to collect ourselves and soon leave Ul'dah so my lady, Kai, will get the chance to see the world like I had the chance to but this time we’ll be doing it the right way. Together. It was decided and done. No other way I’m going about my travels without that woman by my side. Sure we’ve had some bumps on the way after nine damned years apart and the different lives we led. Abyss, can’t help but be changed in some way by all we’ve been through, right? In end though it didn’t and doesn’t matter. I love that damn woman and for me that is all that matters. Really can’t see myself being without her again. Just can’t. So you can figure my surprise when I come home and she is running all over the place cleaning up and I find that we have a guest. A small Au Ra which as you know in these pages that I am more than familiar with after years of associating with Miyako. By the looks and my own experience with those folk she appears to be Xaela. Apparently Kai picked up a stray and brought it home so now we have a pet. Alright, alright. That’s not really how it went and nor is Nassa, that’s her name a pet. Honest truth she is a rather pretty little thing. Real easy on the eyes for any man so not surprised that Kaia saved the young maiden from walking the same path Kaia had just left behind as a lady of the evening. I can’t even fathom the image of someone using Nassa that way. She looks so small, so delicate and that voice of hers? By the Twelve it’s like honey. Could listen to that little bird sing all day. With that said, I am glad Nassa is here. I ended up giving the small one a hug because I could see she needed the contact and the support. The pain in her eyes, I tell you, there’s a story there. One of pain and loss by the way she looked and some of the key words I heard her speak like she had lost love in some way so was happy to see Kai and me. There was just something. I’m not going to drag it out of her because that’s her business, right? All Kai and I can do is support her, give her a roof over her head and help her find her path or purpose. Yeah, crazy she came out of no where and got us thinking like this but you just have to be around her. Like a damned little kitten. You want to protect her and support her just being around her and the way she carries herself. But the most important thing… THE DAMNED MAIDEN CAN COOK! I love Kaia. I really do. But by the Twelve she can’t cook to save our lives. In fact, I think I lost a few years off my lifespan consuming her dishes. In this Nassa will be our savior. I think I may have to grovel at her feet because last night the dish she put together made my damn toes curl. Okay, not as much as Kai made them do later that evening but curl all the same. Sands, speaking of that I hope we didn’t keep the girl up or wake her. It’s going to take some time to adjust to having a guest in our house when it’s always been about just the two of us. May have to cut back on taking my Kai whenever and where ever I want her. So there it is. A house of two has become a house of three. For how long? I have no bloody clue. The tides shift as they will and Kai and I just ride the currents to the destination and purpose. If Nassa wishes to hitch to our wagon and ride along she is welcome because I’m not letting her fall into the life Kai once stood. By the sands there is no way can I let that happen and I know Kai feels the same. Plus did I mention…SHE CAN FUCKING COOK! So yeah, Nassa is here to stay for now if she wants. I don’t see how we would want her anywhere but in our house because she had Kai and I among the clouds with that cooking last night. She’s hurting and we’re going to do what we can to make her feel comfortable and at home until some of that sadness I see in her eyes finally goes away. Until next time

Closing the Door “Well-shit,” were the first words Kaia got out of her mouth when the front door of her house swung open. Standing in front of her was a tall, lean, olive-skinned Midlander with sandy hair and prolific features. His well tailored finery seemed to fit about his person in a manner that left little doubt of his upbringing. As soon as the door came to a stop against the interior wall, his dusky, brown eyes moved to regard the figure that stood hulking in the doorway of the house. “You need to leave now, Bastiel,” Kaia said letting the warning lace her words. The fine dressed middle aged man turned his eyes back upon Kai with a raised eyebrow. “Because of him?” Bastiel questioned in response. “Lily, certainly he is no customer of yours. He does not look to be able to afford a wench let alone a woman of your stature. I, on the other hand, can do so without a blink. Send that backwater oaf away and let us speak arrangements, darling Lily. I need you for dinner tonight…” As Bastiel’s words continued to prattle on Kaia looked past the stuffy, pampered merchant, and in the direction of Zhauric, who had yet to take a single step into the house. He remained in place, like a statue, anchored with eyes that did not leave the back of Bastiel’s head. She recognized the expression that was lacing itself upon Zhauric’s features and cursed under her breath. A shake of her head was issued to ward him off but Kai already understood how fruitless it was when he saw red. Thick-headed lout! Kaia thought crossing her arms beneath her breasts while Bastiel stood there ignorant of what was approaching. “After dinner I conspired for us to return to my abode and-,” Bastiel was still prattling on, and Kaia immediately sighed. “-and that will be the end of it,” she muttered, cutting him off. Bastiel gave her a look of confusion and opened his mouth to speak when he suddenly found his words choked off. Bewilderment covered his face while his mind immediately sought to breath properly when his feet were lifted off the floor. “Told you to leave, Bastiel,” Kaia said with another sigh, “but no, you kept yammering. You’ve got no one to blame but yourself for this.” Her eyes sought and found Zhauric’s who held the lean man in the air with a single hand squeezing the back of Bastiel’s throat. “And if you make him bleed in here -you- are cleaning it. I did not ask you to interfere, in fact you knew I didn’t want you to. You should have trusted me to handle this myself, Ric.” Zhauric merely grunted and hurled the man to side making him crash into the wall separating the bathing area from the front of the house. Bastiel crumpled to the floor, air unfolding in a burst out of his lungs at the impact. Zhauric paid him no mind but stood glaring down at Kaia who matched his stare. “You,” she said pointing in Bastiel’s direction without removing her eyes from Zhauric’s. “Consider that a warning and -get out-. You come back around again and I’ll let him finish the job.” Her finger then poked Zhauric in the chest, immediately causing her to regret the act when she felt how firm it was beneath her touch. “You, outside with me, now." "And why the fu-” Zhauric began to protest. “Do you want to sleep alone tonight?” Kaia retorted cutting off his arguing words. She paused a moment and took a deep breath to let some tension release but kept the firmness in her words. “We -need- to talk, Ric. Right now.” He glanced at Bastiel a moment, who had moved to a sitting up position, and as he did, the merchant tried scooting further back against the wall as if to put more distance between them. With a grunt, Zhauric shrugged a heavy shoulder and began following Kaia out. The moment they were outside she turned, crossed her arms beneath her breasts, and glared up at him once more. Zhauric returned her stance in kind. “Look, Ric,” she began. “I can handle myself and you damn well know it. There are no secrets between us anymore. I laid it all out. Everything! So why did you just manhandle someone who can probably buy a small army of mercenaries to retaliate?” She groaned,“ You should have trusted me to handle the situation, but no- all you did was let that thick-head of yours rule the moment and drive you to overreact.” “And what else did ya expect me to do, Kai? Sands, woman, I was able to hold my place til he startin’ talkin’ ‘bout beddin’ ya. Didn’t give two gil shits 'bout his words in my direction. Heard worse as a beggin’ kid on the streets as ya know? Always seen those types lookin’ down on me and then us.” Zhauric reached up with his right hand and ran it over the front of his face in frustration. “But when he startin’ speakin’ 'bout havin’ ya…..fuck, Kai, I saw red. Can’t help it. The idea of someone else with ya…” “Hey- I get it, really I do…” she said. “…but you -have- to trust me to handle myself too! I’m not that little girl you knew back when. Can’t you see I’ve changed!?” Zhauric’s head whipped back in her direction, arms folded once more. “Of course I can! And so have I damn you! You’re not the only one! Abyss take me, Kai, ya act like ya the only one that went through somethin’! Did I go through all that you did? Twelve take me no! But damn, I sure wasn’t skippin’ through a batch of tide blessed pearls either! I love you but damn it all if you aren’t as frustratin’ as the damned gods allow!” “Oh I’m frustrating?” she barked back feeling her hackles rise. “Try living with -you- after nine years alone! Try seeing -you- every day knowing -you- lived, Ric! You traveled! You had adventures! You had a fucking life! Me? I survived! I found my own way and did it -alone-, Ric. At least you had people around you that you trusted! And now here I am standing outside -our- home and in love with you all over again, arguing about a guy I would gladly toss off a cliff if he got in our way!” The two were breathing hard, eyes locked in a glaring match, the swirling air of frustration and anger between the two of them. Neither moved beyond their chests rising and falling with each breath. Zhauric lunged forward, placed both his hands on the sides of Kaia’s face and kissed her hard, pressing his mouth against hers like a man with a thirst that couldn’t be quenched. Kaia’s arms wrapped themselves around his broad frame, fingers pressing against his back wanting to feel her nails biting into naked skin instead of the long, dark coat that he wore. She opened her mouth to his, welcoming the feel of his tongue entering, tasting of her mouth. Their heavy breaths, born of frustration and anger, transformed into those of the lustful passion that swept through them as he pushed her up against the wall. She broke the kiss for a moment and breathed out. “Back Inside. Now.” === Later that evening the two laid in their bed, covered in a thin layer of sweat, attempting to bring more air into their lungs. They lay intertwined, her long, raven hair blanketing around them, enjoying a bout of pillow-talk, when a knock echoed from the door. “Tide take me, what is it now?” Zhauric asked with a roll of his eyes. Kaia grinned at him as she stood and took to wrapping her nude figure in their top bed sheet, securing it between the cleavage of her breast, “I’ll handle it even if I rather not get on my feet right now.” With a deep breath she climbed out of bed gingerly and slowly stepped towards the door leaving Ric lying on the bed completely naked with his hands laced behind his head, grinning up at the ceiling. When she opened the door a man, dressed in almost the same fashion as Bastiel, stood in plain view. Kaia sighed heavily, easily recognizing him as a former client. “I’m going to need a sign saying out of business,” she muttered before turning a bland expression upon the man. “You’ll need to go,” she said simply. “Not doing that anymore, alright?" "But Lily-” Zhauric’s voiced boomed from the bedroom, though Kaia could tell it was getting closer. “I think you can understand her tongue,” he said, and soon stood down the hall from the front door, clearly completely nude, arms cross over his chest and leaning against the wall with a cocky grin. “She’s not in that type of business anymore. I mean she still practices it with me, but the rest of ya….nah.” Kaia gave a comforting, yet awkwardly apologetic, smile to the man whose face was quickly reddening with embarrassment. “Spread the word for me Riylesh? I am not seeing -anyone- except the guy you see back there.” She gestured back at Ric before regarding her ex-client, “As you can see, he keeps me quite…occupied.” Riylesh tried to speak but only managed to stutter his farewell as he stumbled backwards in retreat. “So get on with ya,” Zhauric said merrily. “She’s mine and I aim to keep it that way for the rest of her damned life.” Kaia smiled hearing those words and gave the man an overly dramatic wave of her fingers. “See ya! Or- well, I guess I won’t. Pleasant life!” Turning, Kai released the door with a shove, sauntering back to the only arms she could ever seek to be held within, and the door closed on a part of her past she would never again visit. ((Written with the approval and assistance of player behind the character Kaia aka known as Lily in this piece as she made sure her character spoke and conducted herself the way she envisions. Best partner in chaos a guy could ask for))

The Heart Wins (Journal #4) Looks like that battle between the heart and mind ended up being a short one. I’m back in my shack of an inn room but there’s been a change. I’m with Kaia again. Least I think I am. Abyss, I don’t know what’s going on really. Everything is confusing as all sands because that woman sense more thoughts into this thick head of mine and more emotions in my chest than I can even figure out. Guess I should start with the night I went to see her. Pretty fucking terrible evening really. Had another fight in the pit which I found a way win though some pieces of chocobo dung wanted me to let the other guy win. Seems they didn’t know me well enough to know I’m not letting it get handed to me on damned purpose even if it would give me a bit of extra gil in the pocket. Anyway, they found me later with a handful of sea starved louts and attempted to take my coin and my ability to breath. Got me good with a piece of steel on my left side but I was still standing in the end and they, the ones that could, ran off when a walker by joined the fray on my behalf. Going to have to find that one and give a right thanks. Use to getting cut I still stumbled sand filled brain headed ass to Kai’s house because I was determined to see her again. Couldn’t help it. I admit it. Shit, I missed here. You don’t see the first love of your life and the one you intended on being with for all your years after nine years separated and just forget her, right? Just don’t work that way. Not for me at least. So my bleeding ass showed up at her house hiding the cut since I know she would fret over me like she always did back in the day. Course what I didn’t expect was to see her standing in an outfit that had her damn tits nearly popping free and a skirt so shirt I wonder what was the point of even wearing the damned thing. Immediately my thoughts went to her being a lady of the evening and by the Twelve I swear my vision turned redder than a Lalafell walking in on a rutting Miqo'te. If the whoever the abyss the damned client was had been there I’d have tried to rip his damned head off. Anyway, cutting it short, I was pissed. Tried not to show it but she knew me too well even after the time away and she was curt like she always capable of doing. One thing led to another though and she ended patching me up despite my protests. That’s when I prodded about her “client” and she walked away to the wardrobe closet to put the medical things away and she admitted to me like she didn’t want to even tell me a damned thing. Saying that she wanted me to stop asking because she didn’t want me leaving her again and to basically leave it be. Course I’m thick headed, right? Stubborn as a damned Roegadyn staring at a seven course meal. So I keep on and she straight told me. After seeing me she didn’t want anyone touching her again if it was not me. Well, shit, needless to say that bombshell sent me in a frenzy because here is one person who always stood by me in life. The one woman I loved before any other. The one woman that drove me in ways I couldn’t even comprehend during our years and even after we got separated. The one woman that upon finding again I couldn’t go one damned minute without thinking about. And she was telling me she still had feelings for me. Heart won alright but that wardrobe closet of hers and then her bed didn’t because they took a damned beating. My patched wound didn’t mean a thing that evening to either of us. Just about me and her and I wasn’t letting Kai out of my eyesight for a second. Or out of my arms or off my…well you get the point there. At least she did. A few times. Anyway, that isn’t the point. Point is I am apparently back with the woman I loved before anyone or anything else. Before I loved the sea, before I loved adventure, before I loved a good scrap, before I had feelings for Miya or anything, there was Kai, and she is back in my life. We both changed a bit though I’m sure she will still think I’m a thick-headed brute sometimes. Where will it lead? I have no fucking clue but by the sands I intend on finding out because I’ll be damned she slip away this time.

My thanks. After so many years roleplaying never easy to create something different from previous attempts. Well...for me at least, heh. The fun is in the challenge as they say.

Heart or Mind (Journal #3) Here I am back in this sorry excuse of an inn room. Yeah, it’s my own choosing so can’t really complain, right? Not like I haven’t made enough gil to find something more than a cursed broom closet but what for? It’s just me and I am not one to think on such things too much. Sleeping years aboard a ship can cure any man or woman of worrying over luxuries that may or may not be coming. With all that said, I am coming back from another evening with Kaia. Guess if these damned pages could talk you’d ask who in the abyss is Kaia. Well, to put it simple and plain she is the first woman I ever loved. Knew her most of my young life for about eleven years. We were damned near attached at the hip especially when someone put blades to her family. From that point on if you saw one of us, you saw the other. There was no other way about it. Maybe that’s where we went wrong now that I think about. Naw, I’m not saying something like we were together too much and that brought the end of what we were. It was that the one time we decided to not travel together but take separate paths to the same point is when we allowed something else to get in the middle of what we were. She never made it to our rendezvous that evening because we took those different paths. For years I blamed her abandoning me when in truth she never did. Some pieces of chocobo dung attacked her when I wasn’t there to stand side by side with her. Back to back with her. And while she may not blame me, for that was our plan, I still blame myself. She looked out for me at my darkest times and I tried to do the same for her. That was what made us who we are and during one of her darkest moments I was aboard a ship unable to leave because I allowed my ill tempered ways get the best of me and locking myself into servitude upon the very vessel we were meant to escape our lives upon. Anyway, that’s the past and now I find her and she’s a lady of the evening and surviving on her own. Do I approve of her trade? Abyss no, can’t say it is something I am praising to the tides about. Not because I am judging what she does but because there is still a part of me that feels she is mine. She is still my Kai, my love, my everything. I know, I know. She isn’t anymore. She is her own woman, got her own life and has done well enough without my thick-head ass for nine years. Why can’t my mind understand that fully and I not begin to see red at the thought of someone else’s hands upon her smooth skin? By the sands, maybe it isn’t even my head that isn’t understanding that. Maybe it’s this bloody damned heart of mine that keeps ignoring the facts. Either way, it’s good seeing her. Fuck, who am I kidding? It’s more than good. I still remember the scent of the damned woman. I still remember how the light touched upon her hair. How smooth her skin. The light in her teal eyes. We’ve spent two evenings together and by the Twelve they have been the best nights I have had in weeks and we did nothing but speak to each other. Maybe it’s just being near the woman. The woman who was my very damned breath when we were together. Remembering the laughs, the smiles, the pleasure we had in each other. How can I not feel this way with so many memories locked in this thick-headed skull of mine? I don’t even think the woman knows how hard it is to not take her back into my arms and say to the abyss with the nine years away. To act like nothing had happened and we can return to what we were and what we were meant to be. Kai even questioned me about Miya and that I probably need closure. The woman just doesn’t know how strong she exists within my head or, again, is it my heart where she exists and it is warring with my mind? If so I wish they’d get the damned fight over with already because the more I see Kai the more I want to pull her back where she belongs. Fuck was that my heart again!?

Updated: 10/12/2017 Utilized similar format my lady, Kaia Warsong, used since I appreciated it so much. Still probably a WIP.

Pain Returned (Journal Entry #2) Been some time since my last entry into this cursed thing. Some times passed and I learned the truth of matters yet again just like the years ago with Kai. Not sure which of the two cut deeper. At least with Kai she was always upfront with me and no games were played. I knew she had some doubts about leaving Ul'dah with me and putting everything she knew in the past. I knew that much yet still believed she would come with me because I truly wanted and needed her by my side. Miyako is a different story. I didn’t see this coming at all. I thought the feelings we shared held more truth than the very air we breathed sometimes. I thought I saw it in her eyes, heard it in her words, and even felt in the slight touches she gave me at times. I yearned to have that little one in my arms, to crush her against me and show her what she was doing to me as a man, as someone who was in love with her. I wanted to take the breath from her very lungs with a kiss and feel our bodies pressed like we were trying to make one person out of both our souls. I had even found this necklace to symbolize my feeling for her and the moment she told me she was leaving and I couldn’t go with her there was like a voice in my head telling me how a wool brained idiot I truly was to believe again. Truth be known? It proved to be a lie. She abandoned me with so little hesitation I think my thick headed skull is still spinning! I don’t know. Both cut me deep and I admit there is still something special with Kai held there because, well, shit, she was the first woman I ever loved. Damn. She was the first person other than my Da that I ever bothered loving and giving my full and complete trust. We were alike in many ways and you didn’t see one of us without seeing the other. I didn’t think I could ever find someone that moved me like that again. Someone that stirred me in the depths like Kai. I thought Miyako and I were truly fated for each other and that this time, THIS TIME would be the one and what I had with Kai not a mirage. I was wrong. Now I have moved back to that damn sandpit of Ul'dah. Funny that. I remember telling Kai we will never know nothing more than this damned sand trip and here I am again full circle right where it all begin. Eh, I can’t complain though. I seen much of the world aboard the Crystal Blade and beneath her fine sails. I still wonder what came about the ship and the crew but haven’t heard whisper of anything. Meanwhile, I have taken to fighting in the pits for the coin. Alright, think these the pages I can speak true if no where else. I am not fighting just for the coin. I’m fighting for the pain. The feeling of another’s fist ramming against my side, against my jaw, or where ever. The pain, you see, takes me away. It puts me somewhere else cause curse it all where I am is not where I am meant to be! This can’t be all the Twelve have in store for a brute like myself. So yeah, I admit I am in the pits to bleed a bit. Is that wrong? Some just indulge in drink or splitting women left and right. I rather take the rush of a good fight and some blood on my face with matching bruises. Not like I got anything else going on for me right now, right? Put my faith out there and once again got left standing alone. No Kai, no Miya, no Crystal Blade or it’s captain. Just me, my scarred fists and a blade. Since none of those fuckers are speaking to me safe to say I’m alone. Sometimes feels like I am always alone even if I am surrounded by folks. Maybe I will find a new crew or maybe not. The pits are fine for now and the pain more than bloody welcomed. I’ll take this road for now and wait to see what the cursed Twelve have waiting for me. If it is more of the same pain and abandonment then they already know what they can go do with their damned selves. I care not…

A New Breath Journal Entry #1 Never thought of doing one of these things but for so long Miyahas been that source for me to unload my thoughts, my observations and any other sand cursed idea that found it’s way into this damned thick skull of mine. Anyhow, I saw her writing in one of these journals and asked her about it. Not about what she was writing because that would probably just lead to a pillow being tossed at my head. Yeah, yeah the damned things are soft and easy to lay one’s head upon but you ever see the pointy edges? Can take an eye out with the damned things! Anyway, I am rambling at this point because the waves have struckmy life in a way I didn’t see. I thought I’d always be upon the water casting my lot with crew of the Crystal Blade. Running trading routes and conducting a bit of smuggling here and there under the eyes of any Watch but no. I am still here in Limsa Lominsa staying with Miya. The thing that shakes me about this is I am not bothered. I am not concerned, I am not worried nor am I feeling…lost. That is what troubles me. Everything in my life finally settledand finally figured and then comes Little Miya into it. Yeah, yeah, we’ve known each other for years but most of that was through pen and parchment. Waters take me I learned the letters more to put words to her than for the actual lessons in merchant handling the Captain wished to teach me in the first place! Guess when I put this thick skull to thought about it that should have been my clue on that very day that this woman was going to shift the waters in my life. Bring a new breath into me. I should have known. When she found me on the pier the other day looking over aship being constructed over yonder way I was there thinking seeing a ship so close would change my mind. That I was not losing who I am just because of one woman. I was wrong. The sight of the vessel didn’t do a damned thing for my thoughtsor feelings to Miya. If anything the moment she arrived at my side my mind was set. I could not take one more sand cursed step without this woman by my side. I don’t care if I decide to hurl myself upon another ship and go seeking the Blade or find a new path to walk but nothing in me would allow me to go without Miya. I just bloody had no interest in anything without her by my side and the damned thing about all of that is it made me grin inside. Course she didn’t see it or know it.No need to let her swell that pretty head of hers. It’s bad enough she tries to steal my damned sweet buns during supper. But that’s it. My lot has been cast and it has been cast with Little Miya. Only leaves one question that continues to bang around in this cursed skull of me. Is she MY Little Miya because of this or does this long standingfriendship continue like before? She mention me as her only family so maybe I’m nothing more than a brother to her? Rhalgr’s balls I’ll get that answer too. I’ll be cursed by the Twelve before I let someone else find dock where I am beginning to understand I am meant to be. Just have to wonder if she wants me there or not. The idea that she may not troubles me. I can’t lie which is why I write it here for my eyes only, It would wrench something in me that I don’t think words would justify. I am knowing in my depths she means something to me but I have no real truths if I mean something to her. Miya has placed a storm inside of me and I am not even bloody sure I can survive those waters but I have to find out. I must. At some point I have to find out the truth, don’t I?