The How To Help Newbie RPers In Making Connections Forum

[Tiergan]

Originally, this conversation was about how more established members could help out newer folks settle in, but Ilwe'ran's right in that not all veterans and not all newbies have the same experience.

 

I know a lot of RPers who have been around since launch who still struggle with getting RP at times for various reasons (usually out of shyness, fear that they are bothering other people, or fear that their somehow roleplay isn't good enough). By contrast, I've also met and befriended some Rpers who are brand new to the community who seem to be swimming in RP.

 

From that perspective, this conversation would probably work out better if we reframed it more as a "How to help Members of the Community who are Struggling to Get RP" angle instead of purely a newbie/oldbie dynamic.

[Chillsmack]

From that perspective, this conversation would probably work out better if we reframed it more as a "How to help Members of the Community who are Struggling to Get RP" angle instead of purely a newbie/oldbie dynamic.

 

I think it'd be far more productive, yeah. Maybe someone should just start another thread?

[Nebbs]

This is really a community outcome achieved by individuals taking just a little time to be aware and interact a little more. Both new people and established people, a little thing goes a long way when we all do it.

 

"Today I will talk to someone IC that I have not done so before"

 

 

.

[Kellach Woods]

Just saying something along the lines of "I've encountered some more established members of the community ignoring newer ones and it's extremely disheartening for those of us trying to break into RP for the first time." is enough to get across his meaning without coming off passive-aggressive.

 

The moment you make that assertion you're in for the long haul because people can and WILL expect you to name names and have logs to present as proof. Which, let's be real here, won't happen.

 

Also, reframing it like "how do we help people who struggle with finding RP?" won't help either - you'll get a rehash of the thread with even more people being condescending towards the people that would need the help and not the condescension.

 

Also, the reason why inter-generational RP needs to happen is two-fold :

1) It integrates the newer person into the overall community, giving them a much larger range of contacts, while also exposing them to a larger amount of criticism and reinforcement for the development of their character from people who have played with the lore of the game for a long time.

 

2) It broadens the horizons of the veteran player and allows them easier access to new people who may be closer to his niche.

 

Sure, new people RPing with new people is good because heyyyy RP~ but is it healthy for the community to have that kind of split? Not really.

[Dravus]

Threads involving solid debate evolve naturally over time so creating a separate thread with a slightly different title doesn't strike me as necessary. If anything, adjusting the title of this thread may be beneficial since then everything that has been posted thus far can be compiled in one easy to access location.

[Warren Castille]

However, if we do talk about that, we need to be wording it in a way that doesn't immediately make 80% of the established community members squint at their computers going "Wait. Who's he talking about? Did I accidentally piss someone off recently? Is he talking about me? Have I even MET this person in game?" I don't know if this will be seen as policing tone, but it makes it really stressful to have these conversations if you have no idea whether the other person actually genuinely holding out a hand and trying to have an earnest dialogue with you about how to improve things or if they're making thinly veiled jabs at you for reasons you don't really understand.]

 

As one of the people who assumed I was being alluded to, I don't think this is a bad thing. The call for introspection should always be welcomed, more so in the face of heated discussion and debate. I'm aware of my reputation for being a jerk so I don't mind when being called on it.

 

If someone says something and you think it might be geared towards you, reread the discussion and see if you might have actually been acting like an asshole. Sometimes it turns out you are! And sometimes it is just overly-sensitive people getting their wittle feewings hurt and so they snipe back. The important part is being aware that sometimes, no matter how right or true or measured a response can be, there's always a chance of it also being a dick thing to say to someone. Double true if the topic is something people are passionate about.

 

Assess, reconsider and move on.

[Berrod Armstrong]

This thread actually compelled me to spend the past few mornings (and parts of the evening) snagging/approaching/hanging around folks who seemed new, or folks who I generally don't know. Inbetween all the stuff that happened with people who know me...

 

 

I definitely won't always have the time to keep doing that, but it's nice to see some new people with a foot in the door, especially since the roleplay helped them make connections with others. 

 

 

Lol, I'm not even sure if any of them are on the RPC.

[Dravus]

That's great, Berrod!

 

I've been doing the same lately as well. I firmly believe that shaking things up from time to time brings a lot of benefit to the community to counter stagnation. You can't really force people to step out of their comfort zones but if they're inspired/convinced to do so then it's a completely different story.

 

Coming over from WoW and having zero fresh content for a year and a half at one point meant it was pretty much a necessity for people to shake things up fairly often if they wanted role-play to feel fresh.

[Zhavi]

I haven't been rping much at all lately (Innocence and Avarice is it, really), but when I first came back I didn't really find it any more difficult to find rp than any other place... and here's why:

 

You have to be ready to accept rejection.

 

You have to put yourself out there.

 

In a rp sense, I'm confident enough that I'm okay with the inevitable 'no's and being stood up -- but not everyone is. That's the issue with some new people. They don't want to be ignored, be left out, be disliked, be put out in the spotlight and left hanging. It happens.

 

To me, you really wanna help someone get into rp if you see them struggling? Send them a pm. If they don't like arranging rp oocly, just nudge them with a 'hey, I'll be on at this time and this area. If we can't meet or we don't seem to be on at the same time, maybe I can introduce you to some people who will be on at the same time'.

 

Jumping into any new social situation means that your pride or ego might get hurt. You might feel sad. There's just no way around that that I've ever found. And yet, for all the times I got stood up or ignored or told 'sorry, that's just not my thing' I still had as much rp as I wanted.

 

Persistence and friendliness. That's really all there is to it. And for shyer folks, explain your situation and ask for specific things in your making connections threads (ie, I don't like to plan, but I'm on around this time in this area and if anyone would be interested or is on at the same time please let me know), and I bet a couple people will bite.

 

All you need is one person to make some really good rp.

[Tiergan]

The moment you make that assertion you're in for the long haul because people can and WILL expect you to name names and have logs to present as proof. Which, let's be real here, won't happen.

 

How is that any different from what's already happening? We have a cluster of people anxious and wondering whether they're being sniped as "that asshole" - but none of them feel like they can say anything because names or logs can't be mentioned. At least if we rephrase things, people will get less distracted by whether or not they're on someone's shitlist and focus more on the actual issue at hand.

 

Also' date=' reframing it like "how do we help people who struggle with finding RP?" won't help either - you'll get a rehash of the thread with even more people being condescending towards the people that would need the help and not the condescension.[/quote']

 

The only reason why I was saying we should reframe things is specifically to take into account that not all veteran members are swimming RP and many of them have the same struggles as new folks do. It wasn't because I had a misconception that by reframing the conversation, issues would suddenly go away. The problems are still there, we're just taking into account the fact that some newbies and oldbies succeed in finding RP while others fail and how we can help bridge the gap between the ones having a hard time and the ones who aren't.

 

For all of the advice that some new folks actually found useful in this thread, we wouldn't have to rehash or repeat any of it as all of it could easily apply to an older member as well as a newer one.

 

2)

Also, the reason why inter-generational RP needs to happen is two-fold :

1) It integrates the newer person into the overall community, giving them a much larger range of contacts, while also exposing them to a larger amount of criticism and reinforcement for the development of their character from people who have played with the lore of the game for a long time.

 

2) It broadens the horizons of the veteran player and allows them easier access to new people who may be closer to his niche.

 

Sure, new people RPing with new people is good because heyyyy RP~ but is it healthy for the community to have that kind of split? Not really.

 

I agree with this - especially the lore aspect. When I was RPing with a new person last night, having an IC conversation exposed several areas that they felt they needed to do more lore-digging on to figure out their character and it was easy for me to just throw up the exact wiki page they needed to sort things out because I'd already been where they are.

 

Another new person who's just as unfamiliar with the lore might not have an easy time doing the same for them, so in a sense, older members RPing with newer ones provides a sort of pseudo-mentorship just by RPing together even if it's not an official one.

 

That said -- I think what Ilwe'ran was trying to dispel the notion that older members have all the keys to the castle in terms of unlocking RP with the rest of the community. Especially since just being in the community for a while may not be a guarantee that they're in a much better place than the new guy/gal is if they just happen to be one of those shy, struggling-to-find-RP older members. Both old and new RPers should be hunting down RP with both old and new RPers.

[Aya]

That said -- I think what Ilwe'ran was trying to dispel the notion that older members have all the keys to the castle in terms of unlocking RP with the rest of the community.  Especially since just being in the community for a while may not be a guarantee that they're in a much better place than the new guy/gal is if they just happen to be one of those shy, struggling-to-find-RP older members.  Both old and new RPers should be hunting down RP with both old and new RPers.

Exactly!  We have to do the same exact things as new people to find RP.  It is easier because we do have contacts, but the basic activity is the same: go out looking for RP, try to interject ourselves into conversations, or events, and generally be active in either generating or searching for RP to engage in.  The basic concepts are no different for an established RPer than they are for a new one, there is vanishingly little RP that just "falls into your lap". 

 

Really glad to hear you're getting a chance to RP with new people and point them toward useful lore Tiergan, that' so wonderful!

[Tiergan]

That said -- I think what Ilwe'ran was trying to dispel the notion that older members have all the keys to the castle in terms of unlocking RP with the rest of the community.  Especially since just being in the community for a while may not be a guarantee that they're in a much better place than the new guy/gal is if they just happen to be one of those shy, struggling-to-find-RP older members.  Both old and new RPers should be hunting down RP with both old and new RPers.

Exactly!  We have to do the same exact things as new people to find RP.  It is easier because we do have contacts, but the basic activity is the same: go out looking for RP, try to interject ourselves into conversations, or events, and generally be active in either generating or searching for RP to engage in.  The basic concepts are no different for an established RPer than they are for a new one, there is vanishingly little RP that just "falls into your lap". 

 

Really glad to hear you're getting a chance to RP with new people and point them toward useful lore Tiergan, that' so wonderful!

 

I have to be 100% honest and say that it's entirely because one new person I became friends with meets other new people and then introduces me to those people, etc, etc, etc. :V So it was more that person being awesome than me being awesome.

[Aya]

I have to be 100% honest and say that it's entirely because one new person I became friends with meets other new people and then introduces me to those people, etc, etc, etc. :V So it was more that person being awesome than me being awesome.

Its wonderful that we have such terrific people continuing to roll on and come to Balmung!

[Zaheela]

This may of been answered already, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask; But what about out-of-game options to talk to people in the community? I mean, even the forums can be a little intimidating to people on the fringes. I know there is a skype/tumblr list, but Skype requires people to be proactive (and when your shy like me, it's hard to work up the nerve to just ask someone to add you and such) and Tumblr is... uhm... Tumblr.

[Aya]

This may of been answered already, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask; But what about out-of-game options to talk to people in the community? I mean, even the forums can be a little intimidating to people on the fringes. I know there is a skype/tumblr list, but Skype requires people to be proactive (and when your shy like me, it's hard to work up the nerve to just ask someone to add you and such) and Tumblr is... uhm... Tumblr.

There's supposed to be an incoming chat function on the RPC, that may help eventually!

 

I know I tend to be wary of handing out out-of-game contact information myself.

[Unnamed Mercenary]

This may of been answered already, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask; But what about out-of-game options to talk to people in the community? I mean, even the forums can be a little intimidating to people on the fringes. I know there is a skype/tumblr list, but Skype requires people to be proactive (and when your shy like me, it's hard to work up the nerve to just ask someone to add you and such) and Tumblr is... uhm... Tumblr.

 

I personally like the IC Quicksand threads for that. And if your characters isn't around Ul'dah? Why not start one elsewhere? Given how many people are in the community, it's safe to assume a few others would likely be IC (or could place themselves IC) in another location.

 

Given the generally carefree nature of the threads, one can use them to get a peek at the community without having to venture in-game. (And for people like me who live on the RPC instead of working at work, it provides plenty opportunity to post something )

[Tiergan]

This may of been answered already, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask; But what about out-of-game options to talk to people in the community? I mean, even the forums can be a little intimidating to people on the fringes. I know there is a skype/tumblr list, but Skype requires people to be proactive (and when your shy like me, it's hard to work up the nerve to just ask someone to add you and such) and Tumblr is... uhm... Tumblr.

 

I tried to join the skype list and I don't think I ever got on there. <_<;a I'm INSANELY addicted to Tumblr, but I've not actually RPed on there other than writing little snippets of stories. I do know other folks who've RPed on there though! They end up creating a really long reblog chain of RP after a while.

 

Franz' suggestion sounds good though if you can shake yourself out of feeling intimidated by the forums a bit!

[Zaheela]

This may of been answered already, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask; But what about out-of-game options to talk to people in the community? I mean, even the forums can be a little intimidating to people on the fringes. I know there is a skype/tumblr list, but Skype requires people to be proactive (and when your shy like me, it's hard to work up the nerve to just ask someone to add you and such) and Tumblr is... uhm... Tumblr.

 

I tried to join the skype list and I don't think I ever got on there. <_<;a I'm INSANELY addicted to Tumblr, but I've not actually RPed on there other than writing little snippets of stories.

 

Franz' suggestion sounds good though if you can shake yourself out of feeling intimidated by the forums a bit!

 

If there are people like me, it's far easier to say that then actually do that, but that's a whole different beast and conversation that doesn't need to go here. I was just inquiring because some people may find it easier to try and break in with at least some OOC interactions, which are less intimidating then RPing/Preforming. But everyone is different, and there are different things and methods that work for different people.

[Tiergan]

This may of been answered already, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask; But what about out-of-game options to talk to people in the community? I mean, even the forums can be a little intimidating to people on the fringes. I know there is a skype/tumblr list, but Skype requires people to be proactive (and when your shy like me, it's hard to work up the nerve to just ask someone to add you and such) and Tumblr is... uhm... Tumblr.

 

I tried to join the skype list and I don't think I ever got on there. <_<;a I'm INSANELY addicted to Tumblr, but I've not actually RPed on there other than writing little snippets of stories.

 

Franz' suggestion sounds good though if you can shake yourself out of feeling intimidated by the forums a bit!

 

If there are people like me, it's far easier to say that then actually do that, but that's a whole different beast and conversation that doesn't need to go here. I was just inquiring because some people may find it easier to try and break in with at least some OOC interactions, which are less intimidating then RPing/Preforming. But everyone is different, and there are different things and methods that work for different people.

 

I'm not really sure what else could work if instant messaging, Tumblr, and forums aren't really an option. That sounds like almost all the possible avenues someone could really take.

 

Though to be honest, it could just be I'm coming from a totally different perspective. I always found forums/Tumblr a lot less scary than things like skype because the conversations aren't one-on-one, there's plenty of room for OOC chatter, and they aren't in real time. All the other options I can think of just seem really intimidating by comparison because they often require an immediate response.

 

What do you feel could potentially be more comfortable for people?

[Warren Castille]

I was just inquiring because some people may find it easier to try and break in with at least some OOC interactions, which are less intimidating then RPing/Preforming. But everyone is different, and there are different things and methods that work for different people.

 

Find people you think would be cool to talk to and PM them out of the blue. Comment on their forum posts, ask them about storylines, tell them you think they'd be cool to chat with. Vast majority of the folks here are actually very nice from what I've found.

[Zhavi]

I was just inquiring because some people may find it easier to try and break in with at least some OOC interactions, which are less intimidating then RPing/Preforming. But everyone is different, and there are different things and methods that work for different people.

 

Find people you think would be cool to talk to and PM them out of the blue. Comment on their forum posts, ask them about storylines, tell them you think they'd be cool to chat with. Vast majority of the folks here are actually very nice from what I've found.

 

This, this, this, this.

 

When I was starting back up in Feb last year, the very first thing I did was hit up the wiki and search out characters I thought were cool or interesting. I would check the activity of the player and then pm them. Most of the time things would fall through, but I wound up netting myself a few people I rped with regularly -- and most of those were people who rarely (if ever) posted on the forums here.

 

The rudest I ever got was people standing me up and then not replying; I think you'll find here that people will go out of their way to avoid being outright rude to you, though you will likely get your share of 'no's, people standing you up, or your rp style just not jiving with someone else's rp style.

 

You do gotta make some effort, though. People cannot yet read minds, and even if it's just posting in the making connections forum or pming someone, you gotta put yourself out there and followup. RP is a social beast.

 

... and I say that as someone who has had social anxiety issues (I can rant for hours about the rampant sexism amongst the younger set at the only really weightlifting focused gym in town, and how idiotic the machismo is, and how I won't go anymore because of how shitty it makes me feel -- so I get the being shy and not wanting to put yourself out there, but at a certain point you do have to make that choice of whether you will or won't).

 

edit - and I also want to point out, when I came back there was no making connections forum. So, you know, it was very easy to think that no one wanted to rp with me and I had to convince them that I was worth rping with. Every time I sent a pm (and I sent a lot) I'd have that feeling of 'what if they tell me I suck?' . . . but no one did. I'm talking, man, the people I sent pms to didn't know me at all, didn't know how I rped, and so on. Yet out of every batch a few would be willing to set something up with me.

 

When I saw some people saying they didn't have anyone to rp with, I would pm them and offer myself up on a silver platter. BOOM instarp. It wasn't always easy and it didn't always work out, but I made some great rp buddies that way.

[Aya]

I dunno. I totally bite.

[Berrod Armstrong]

I dunno. I totally bite.

Scandalous, Aya!

 

Zhavi's example rings pretty true though! We only got one scene in after Zhav got in contact with me, but I think I had been pretty busy building my FC at that point in time. BUT. The connection is still there, and quite open! That's the way it gooooeessss.

[Ilwe'ran]

[align=justify]

That said -- I think what Ilwe'ran was trying to dispel the notion that older members have all the keys to the castle in terms of unlocking RP with the rest of the community. Especially since just being in the community for a while may not be a guarantee that they're in a much better place than the new guy/gal is if they just happen to be one of those shy' date=' struggling-to-find-RP older members. Both old and new RPers should be hunting down RP with both old and new RPers.[/quote']

 

I forgot to answer to this, but yes, that's what I meant.

It's not because you're there since long that you have a lot of RP and the term "community" itself always sounded wrong to me. We can be considered as a community as we are all there for the same thing : RPing, but at the same time, we're all so different from each others that we cannot consider us as some sort of homogeneous group.

The RP community on Balmung is for me really diverse and more like.. Some small groups next to each others, included in bigger groups (like LS / Plots including a few groups of people / FC) but nothing much like a big community with the same goal.

That's why every time I read someone saying it's hard to join the RP community, I shake a bit my head and I just think "You just didn't find the right small group which fit to your sort of RP" .

To me, it's not like meeting even one of those veteran will ever change a thing to your situation, you will only meet some other people aside who fit the RP of that person, it's not like meeting someone who has the key of the community as a whole, but more someone who already found their group(s) where they are comfortable to RP with.

 

I just think that the first work you have to do is to know more of yourself, what you like, how you like it and how your character is. This can seem weird, I mean.. This can seem obvious, but how many of you really know what sort of RP they like and they want when they create their character in a new place and in a new community ? We all change with time and sometimes we discover that the people we first talked to and had some RP with aren't those fitting the most to what we really prefer.

So, before nudging some groups, I think best is to do a small introspection to know exactly what you're seeking for and to accept that those you will meet will not be the same sort of RPer as you are or won't have the time to add you to their circle.

 

Because, here is the thing : You cannot RP with 150 people. As for IRL, you can only have a few partners, a small group with who you will go in deep with your character and thus having this one growing up. I mean.. You can have a lot of buddies, people you meet once in a while for one or other thing (can be tavern buddies, work buddies, etc.) lets say "buddies with who you will share one facet of your character" but you will only have a few people really knowing about your character and probably one RP partner who will be by your side enough to know your character weakness and such things (those things your character usually don't share).

 

Knowing that, you can easily understand and accept better why some "groups" are closed and some others more open. You can also understand why you can be closer to some people than others and why you will sometimes only be a buddy and sometimes be something more.

What is important is to find the right people having the same vision of the RP and some similar schedule, those people probably know some more people like you if they are there since long enough and seek for some, etc. That's how you enter in a circle which fit you and not that vast idea of a "community" that I don't share at all, because of what I just explained.[/align]

[Aris]

A little irrelevant but, thanks to all the encouraging replies & advice in this thread, I bit the bullet and joined in with some random folk roleplaying. They didn't seem to mind and it was super fun. I'll stick to similar light encounters for now while I build my confidence, and am very excited for whatever the RPing future may bring.