OOC drama and the RP community. (A rant)

[LadyRochester]

1. There's a lot of OOC saltiness based on IC interactions (and vice-versa): While most people claim they "would never take IC OOC!" claims like this should be taken with a grain of salt. I play a manipulative character that often deceives people, and more than once I had to deal with unnecessary OOC drama because someone took offense to my IC actions, despite my warnings about her personality and tendencies. If it fits the character, don't get angry at the player. I understand being all "Aw, I didn't expect that..", I even understand pouting for a bit! But becoming bitter and treating the player as your sworn enemy over RP is hurtful and silly, which leads me to the next thing...

 

2. People do a lot of OOC gossiping: Shock and awe. This is probably old news to everyone, but still something that should be brought to light. I don't know why, but people talk a lot of shit OOC. I can't say I am completely innocent myself, but I've seen people literally obsessed over other players. And many of the people who spread these rumors are hardly ever questioned, while the subject of the topic is almost never spoken to for the sake of knowing the truth. 

 

3. There are a lot of (hypocritical) Social Justice Warriors: Many people try to fight for "justice" and go on witch-hunts against players they consider "so meeen!" when told a story without given proper context. This has led to endless harassment towards people that truly don't deserve it based on loose "proof" and false stories. And yet again, nobody ever questions the source or bothers to contact the subject of the topic. 

 

In conclusion, people in the RP community seem to be absolutely obsessed with OOC drama. And when confronted about it, they will flail their arms and give some bullshit excuse like "BUT I THOUGHT WHAT I DID WAS RIGHT!"

 

You don't counter harassment with more harassment, you don't counter the truth with lies (or even "half-truths"), and you certainly don't fix a problem between two (or more) players by spreading the word and attempting to get the whole community involved. Those who claim that this "helps" the community are lying to others and themselves.

 

I have never encountered a community that so successfully managed to harass and harm people while deluding themselves into thinking they are innocent and doing it for "the better". Harassment is not cool, and regardless of your issues with other players, talking shit and bending the truth to make yourself look better DOES NOT make you a better person. You have a problem? Keep it between you and the player, spreading the fire is not only counter-productive, but it makes you look like shit. This isn't high school.

 

Disclaimer: This does not apply to all RPers, but to a rather important fraction of them. So please, do not take offense to an observation.

[Maril]

Just about all RP communities I've ever been in have been filled with a certain degree of these issues. I frequently hear rumors about myself, and try to shrug them off. Sometimes I get angry and upset/sad, mostly if I find out that it's caused other people not to approach me - but at the end of the day, if they would rather take a rumor as truth then.. Well. People don't understand that gossip reaches around and hurts people behind the screen, causes their day to go awry, and in some cases drives them away from playing the game. There aren't very many people who experience these things that ever deserved it, if it is even something you can ever deserve. 

I do agree that drama shouldn't ever be spread. It's bad enough as it is, you do not need to involve twenty more people - it won't aid. Most roleplayers I know hate getting involved with OOC drama. It sucks the fun out of everything. Especially since most drama is just down to communication errors anyways, someone misunderstanding an intended joke or reading a word in a different meaning. Some of the worst drama's I have ever seen all were resolved when things got explained properly.

[Aaron]

I don't talk trash about people lol there's plenty rpers around that can confirm this.

 

But if someone has something negative to say about me, all I ask is you man (or woman) up and tell me lol what am I gonna do reach through the screen and choke you?

 

If we still can't resolve the problem then I just go "Well, you CAN Blist you know?" Luckily I've never had a serious issue with anyone yet at least to my knowledge. Every one I talk to in game seems welcoming to me (flex).

 

But if people hate me for something rp relationship or something I wont be mad! Ill just cast "Salted Earth" over you every time I see you and move along.

[Spethah]

I have never encountered a community that so successfully managed to harass and harm people while deluding themselves into thinking they are innocent and doing it for "the better". Harassment is not cool, and regardless of your issues with other players, talking shit and bending the truth to make yourself look better DOES NOT make you a better person. You have a problem? Keep it between you and the player, spreading the fire is not only counter-productive, but it makes you look like shit. This isn't high school.

 

This. So much this. 

 

A few friends of mine from an FC, one that I will not state, has received a lot of slander from the leader because of something small and very much justified. Just because they left under minor disagreement and wishing to join another FC that better suits their wishes does not give you the right to suddenly go passive aggressive and send absolute lies to that FC the poor person wants to join. 

 

Talking shit and bending the truth really does not make you look good at all, especially when people find out you're doing that or worse they find out you're flat out lying. I'm no innocent person myself, I've shit talked a few people myself and with pretty good reason. Still doesn't make me any better than them though, even if it's a rare moment for me. The key phrase in all of this would be this:

 

If you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all. 

 

 

Now why, you ask, did I put that in larger font as well as bold and italic? Because it's a very important phrase that tends to be ignored. Yes I'm a hypocrite for saying it when I just said that I also shit talk, but it is a worthwhile message.

[Lilia Lia]

One thing that I've found is that some people don't enjoy RP that contains a lot of surprises.  For myself personally, and for you also I'd imagine, good RP contains a lot of unexpected twists and turns and forces me to react spontaneously to something I may not have expected. 

 

But what I'm starting to learn is that there are some players who don't feel this way and who don't appreciate unexpected twists and turns being thrown into their roleplay.  There's not much you can do about this except try to remember who they are and try to get a feel for whether or not this kind of RP is going to be considered okay.  For me, I don't enjoy RPing something where the outcome is expected at the outset, because that's kind of like spoiling the surprise of the story.  But I think there are some people who are genuinely upset when their RP takes an unexpected twist, maybe because they feel like it causes them to lose control over what's happening.

 

You'd better believe I've been there before.  I was in a situation once where Lilia got someone angry (it happens) and that person took it OOC'ly personally, and then started trying to "get me in trouble" with my FC.  I sure got called a lot of really nasty things right while I was there, and I can only imagine how bad it was when I wasn't around.  And the most hurtful of all those things was when she said, "and I'm not the only one who feels this way about you."  That just made me want to quit the whole game and never look back.  It's really, really miserable and it's a rotten thing to do to someone.

 

The best you can do is not let it get to you, Sasha.  People will be the way they are, but you can take every opportunity to prove them wrong in their misconceptions, and I'm sure you will do that.  When it comes to people who don't like surprises, well... I guess that's just one of those things you have to accept as a sad reality of roleplay.  The alternative is to forecast every event in your RP but that would completely ruin the experience for most people, I'd think.

[Sigil.9054]

If it makes you feel any better, the RP community I just came from (for a different game), has some pretty massive issues, and basically the same things you just mentioned.  The community I was poking around before that was much the same, and so-on and so-forth.  

 

I'm starting to suspect it's the price of admission for MMO RP, to such a degree that I was about to start taking bets on how long it was before I saw a thread like this.

 

(19 hrs, 56 min)

[Nebbs]

I don't think that it can be boiled down to an answer, it is a feature that we have to with with.  "If it is raining, don't complain about the rain, get an umbrella" 

 

People = drama, that is just the basics. RP does not avoid this or create it, it simply give yet another context to have it.

 

Drama will happen, what really matters is what you do about it. If you give it any air time it will only grow (bad), the only answer is to push/focus on harmony and avoid those who can not put aside their differences or attitude. Create and grow the reasons to be together and many will accept that and let the drama diminish.

 

Now on the issue of IC, the player control the actions of the character. So there will always be some responsibility for how that is perceived, even if people let it bleed into OOC. You chose to play a character that pushes things, there are consequences.

 

On the flip of this I see people playing abrasive/challenging types and expecting either an easy ride, or not actually getting IC push back and ostracised. 

 

However, some of my best RP friendships have been over playing IC characters that dislike and hate each other.

 

Absolutely we should understand that behind the character is a RL person, and all that comes with that. *hugs*

 

[edit] I have been involved in and probably caused drama. If any think they are drama free, they are probably in denial.

[Magellan]

@Lilla: I'm one of those people who doesn't enjoy surprises. This isn't a personal attack on anyone, but I simply do not trust the basic rpers story telling skills. I've had someone try to eat one of my chars, and they didn't have an out. I've had chars I've poured countless hours into become broken to the point of no longer fun to play by surprises. While I try not to stir up any ooc drama, it does leave me ooc upset to lose my joy over a character

 

The solution I've come up with iS extensive ooc communication.  Especially initially.  I have people I've rpd years with who can surprise me all they want because that lvl of trust is there. But new people? That trust has to be built first. Usually by engaging in safer rp and feeling each other out.

[Aduu Avagnar]

I haven't actually encountered much in the way of that concerning myself. There was one incident which lasted a while, but again, all I heard from that was that I was apparently a metagamer and a godmodder.

 

But I will admit that I do sometimes make a joke at someones expense if I find it funny. But I'm a bad person.

[Lilia Lia]

@Lilla: I'm one of those people who doesn't enjoy surprises. This isn't a personal attack on anyone, but I simply do not trust the basic rpers story telling skills. I've had someone try to eat one of my chars, and they didn't have an out. I've had chars I've poured countless hours into become broken to the point of no longer fun to play by surprises. While I try not to stir up any ooc drama, it does leave me ooc upset to lose my joy over a character

 

The solution I've come up with iS extensive ooc communication.  Especially initially.  I have people I've rpd years with who can surprise me all they want because that lvl of trust is there. But new people? That trust has to be built first. Usually by engaging in safer rp and feeling each other out.

 

I hope you'll believe me that I'm not judging anyone for having this attitude towards RP.  When I said "sad reality" I meant that it's unfortunate that RPers always run the risk of giving rise to hard feelings when they try to create unexpected situations. 

 

I've also been struggling with how to react to other people's RP choices that I think are implausible or asking too much of me.  The whole glamour thing is a good example.  I've found it a little disruptive that so much of my RP over the next few weeks is going to be me playing different instances of the same "reacting to sudden race change" interaction, and that it's going to so significantly alter my storyline with other characters.  But there are a lot of concessions that we have to make as RPers in the interest of keeping everyone happy. 

 

Of course there are times when it's simply inappropriate, but I also think that Sasha is right that the proper response is not to gossip about people and make false assumptions about their OOC character on the basis of IC interactions.

[Verad]

I'd like to know what triggered this relevant and useful PSA full of information that people didn't know.

[Dravus]

One thing I've noticed is that a lot of role-players desperately try to portray themselves as friendly, welcoming, supportive and nice. They're usually backed up by their buddies who agree with them...and yet in reality they're some of the most manipulative and spiteful individuals I've ever encountered.

 

Sadly this isn't anything new. I hold the - perhaps unpopular - belief that many role-players are addicted to drama or are afflicted with various issues in the real world that leads them to use online interaction as a way of 'acting out' and therefore anything that inconveniences them is taken as a horrific personal attack that is usually countered with disproportionate retribution.

 

I'll admit, some days I wonder why I bother with the role-playing community. Luckily there's quite a few shining gems that are well worth the effort to invest in. Plus I love the game itself so that certainly gives me a reason to stick around.

[Lilia Lia]

I'd like to know what triggered this relevant and useful PSA full of information that people didn't know.

 

The point of a "rant" is not to be relevant or useful.  It's to get your feelings out in the open and possibly get the support of like-minded people.

[Verad]

I'd like to know what triggered this relevant and useful PSA full of information that people didn't know.

 

The point of a "rant" is not to be relevant or useful.  It's to get your feelings out in the open and possibly get the support of like-minded people.

 

And I'd like to know what triggered that.

[Blue]

Ouch, now this is something I hadn't realized of the community. I never hear anyone talk about me... but maybe that's because in two years I have barely RPd with anyone on these boards. I suppose shyness/introversion has its advantages sometimes.

 

Though, I'll admit, I like to complain talk about people with my close friends a lot, usually about PUGs, or people that irritate me in general. I do it as a way to vent and steam off quickly so to avoid holding grudges in the future, and I know that I'm doing it with people that will keep the stuff I say between ourselves and not spread it causing unnecessary drama. I don't agree with "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all", but more with "If you have something not nice to say, say it in a way that will not hurt anyone". Holding stuff in ends up boiling under your skin and make things worse, on my experience.

 

BUT! Before you start flaming me, no, I haven't spoken "trash" about anyone here because, again, in these two years I haven't known more than a handful of people, and that handful has been pretty nice and also pretty short interactions that really couldn't cause any complaint on my part. Which is a big compliment, cause us Italians tend to find stuff to complain about easily. I should probably work as a trade unionist!

[Tumensuns]

 

Now on the issue of IC, the player control the actions of the character. So there will always be some responsibility for how that is perceived, even if people let it bleed into OOC. You chose to play a character that pushes things, there are consequences.

 

On the flip of this I see people playing abrasive/challenging types and expecting either an easy ride, or not actually getting IC push back and ostracised. 

I disagree. The only consequences that should result in someone playing an abrasive character is IC consequences. It should never be considered a responsibility of the player to deal with people taking their characters actions personally OOC. The responsibility falls on the player who is the one taking it personal. If their RP bothers you, say as such, and get it figured out or it'll snowball into the dramallama the OP is experiencing.

 

As far as people not expecting their abrasive character to be ostracized ICly, well.. that's just being silly.

[Dat Oni]

I've found this community can be particularly bloody cruel when it wants to be. Without saying any names, I can cite at least 3 examples where I either personally had to deal with someone turning others against me, or have had it happen to a friend and had to act as fucking mediator.

 

Let me give you the harshest example, with some vagueness to preserve anonymity.

 

About a year ago, I was removed from a LS by a "mod" if you will, not the LS founder, for being a bit too irritable at the time, which is understandable. However, I noted that I had not received a warning, and the mod in question had a habit of knee-jerk ban-hammers, so I contacted the higher-up to discuss the ban and whether it was appropriate, as well as talk things out regarding my behavior.

 

Not halfway through the resulting conversation, I was informed by a friend that said higher-up had been feeding the LS my every fucking statement to them for purposes of mockery. I had been made a laughing stock. 

 

To quote the higher-up,

 

"I'm sorry you were offended by something said on the internet."

 

At that point, the entire thing changed. No longer was this about due process for breaking the rules. Instead of merely giving me the proper punishment, it was now suddenly appropriate to make of me a total laughing stock and ruin my reputation. Friends started receiving messages telling them I was a joke. My RP attempts got knee-jerk "Oh god it's you" responses from people. I was harassed by random individual after random individual. You get the gist of it.

 

Again, this was over a year ago. I have yet to fully live it down. I'm still getting harassed, and as far as I know, I'm still the butt of the LS' jokes. I've openly apologized for my behavior, before, and yet the harassment continues. It all went from an aesop on not venting openly in a LS to a case study in how to ruin someone's life.

 

When shit like this happens, I honestly feel like the RP community is a bunch of trolls. Which is really bloody sad, because I migrated here from a community that objectively was a bunch of fucking trolls.¹ 

 

Our attitudes toward OOC drama and behavior needs to change, because people can and will be hurt by this. It's intolerable.

 

 

---

¹Said community is about as populated as the Sahara, nowadays. They are effectively dead.

[Hammersmith]

I'm a very old, very entrenched RPer.  I've bounced through and with several communities under various stages in my life.

 

What have I learned?

 

 

A) People talk.  

There's no getting around this.  People form their own social circles, some overlapping like a pox-blanket ven diagram of gossip.

 

B) Assholes always use the "And I speak for a lot of other people!" line.

 

And they're always full of shit.  It's an emotional manipulation tactic to prop up purposefully hurtful and weak stance.  If there was a problem, you don't hear it from just one source.  Whenever you hear someone use this and refuse to name names, and have no proof, collaboration, or backup?  They're full of shit. Always.  They're wiggling their tiny e-peen around and saying everyone knows it's 10 feet long you're the only one who can't see it.  Emperor's new clothes, except with shitty social actions.

 

C) What you sow, you reap.

 

Corny? Yeah.  But, if you're generally a honest, no-shit taking person who is genuinely here for fun and a good time, that shows, that shines through and, in the end, it's what you take with you when you leave.

 

If you're someone who needs to crab-bucket other people to rise up that gets remembered.  Your drama-storming gets remembered.  Your lies get remembered.  People always, always, look for an excuse to turn on someone like that and bring them down.  In short: Evil doesn't pay, it just self destructs.  The question is when.

 

 

D) So what do you take away with this?

 

Don't try to stop other people from talking.  They will.  

 

DO shut out people who shit talk, constantly.  They're not worth investing in. They'll only vomit more shit out.  You're here to have a good time.  They're here to masturbate their ego at the expense of others and that's never pretty.

 

This ties into your point 3 about witch hunts.  People who chase those flags without proof are the problem.  The only counter is to Not Be Them.  Sounds simple.  In practice it's complicated.  Sometimes you really do have to Go Loud against someone.  Because sometimes people are being genuinely harmful to other players.

 

Given that this is the internet though, the drama-troll has a lot of fallbacks of "I didn't mean it" "You took that the wrong way" or, my personal favorite "You're a bully".  This is where point C comes in.  If you aren't a dick, if people know you aren't a dick, and people know you are, in fact, stand up, then no one will swallow that hook.

 

Social investment is a buggery and complicated.  Generally it's worth it.

 

However my last rule is the most important

 

 

E) If it stops being fun, stop doing it.

 

We're here for fun.  If you keep running into drama, if you keep running into shitty people and shitty communities? Drop them.  Like a bad habit or a hot stone, drop them.

 

It's not worth the impact on your mental health through anxiety, stress, or otherwise.  This is, above all, a game.  The problem people will define themselves by how they can manipulate and cause shit in it for other people.  

 

Thankfully we're adults here and can step outside that.

 

The shitty trolls can't. It's all they have.

 

And this is why, at least, they deserve some pity.

[BumblingSeaBiscuit]

 

Now on the issue of IC, the player control the actions of the character. So there will always be some responsibility for how that is perceived, even if people let it bleed into OOC. You chose to play a character that pushes things, there are consequences.

 

On the flip of this I see people playing abrasive/challenging types and expecting either an easy ride, or not actually getting IC push back and ostracised. 

I disagree. The only consequences that should result in someone playing an abrasive character is IC consequences. It should never be considered a responsibility of the player to deal with people taking their characters actions personally OOC. The responsibility falls on the player who is the one taking it personal. If their RP bothers you, say as such, and get it figured out or it'll snowball into the dramallama the OP is experiencing.

 

As far as people not expecting their abrasive character to be ostracized ICly, well.. that's just being silly.

 

I think there needs to be balances with this thought process:

 

 

If I'm playing a villain character, or even just an unfriendly one, and my character starts to make someone legitly unsettled on an OOC standpoint (either they've had something done to them on a similar level and weren't aware of what they were getting into, this is just something they're squeemish about, etc) and they ask me (politely, mind you) to either, "Stop," or, "Tone it down," I think that I could handle either: toning it down, giving my character something else to do (stopping), or just finding a reason to not roleplay with this person. Sure, it's my character, and I should be entitled to play them however I want, but that doesn't mean I have the right to go about making people uncomfortable on an OOC level just because, 'Loldealwithit.'

 

 

Likewise, I've seen people abuse, "My character is a bad guy," to just be a jerk. To transfer OOC emotions to IC and then claim, "Too bad." I've seen roleplay ruined because one player couldn't offer another the decency (or straight up respect) to either tone it down or find someone else to torment. At the end of the day, we've all experienced different things, and our fun should not ever come at the cost of someone else's. This is a big enough community we can find like minded individuals.

 

 

Still, people shouldn't just straight up stop playing these characters (or be forced to change them). And people shouldn't condemn them OOC for IC actions. If I'm playing a "Bad guy" character and someone starts accusing me that, "Oh you're a racist IRL," or, "You hate me don't you," or whatever it may be that's on them. That isn't on me. I'm still entitled to play my character and keep myself separated from my character's thoughts and actions. Bad people exist in storytelling. Antagonists are there for a reason. You don't have to participate with them but you also don't need to damn a person for playing them. It doesn't "fall on them," at all if that person hasn't been contacted and there hasn't been an option or hand extended to adjust or leave the story.

 

 

At the end of the day, we're all here to have fun, and tell stories. Not everyone is going to jive IC or OOC but that doesn't mean it has to be a shame fest. 

 

 

IC=/=OOC

 

 

Roleplayers need to learn to communicate better instead of just going to extreme sides. 

 

 

*Edit & Note: I realize not all abrasive characters are bad or evil. I get that. I was using a consistent example. 

[Ciel]

Regardless of what triggered it, I agree with the OP on a lot of points. And even if some people aren't right up in your face about causing drama, there are several who like to act innocent and then fan the flames once it starts. Any opposing opinion is tsken as "negative" just because it doesn't match with someone else's and suddenly you're getting beaten down and having your intelligence insulted for it.

[Tumensuns]

 

Now on the issue of IC, the player control the actions of the character. So there will always be some responsibility for how that is perceived, even if people let it bleed into OOC. You chose to play a character that pushes things, there are consequences.

 

On the flip of this I see people playing abrasive/challenging types and expecting either an easy ride, or not actually getting IC push back and ostracised. 

I disagree. The only consequences that should result in someone playing an abrasive character is IC consequences. It should never be considered a responsibility of the player to deal with people taking their characters actions personally OOC. The responsibility falls on the player who is the one taking it personal. If their RP bothers you, say as such, and get it figured out or it'll snowball into the dramallama the OP is experiencing.

 

As far as people not expecting their abrasive character to be ostracized ICly, well.. that's just being silly.

 

I think there needs to be balances with this thought process:

 

 

If I'm playing a villain character, or even just an unfriendly one, and my character starts to make someone legitly unsettled on an OOC standpoint (either they've had something done to them on a similar level and weren't aware of what they were getting into, this is just something they're squeemish about, etc) and they ask me (politely, mind you) to either, "Stop," or, "Tone it down," I think that I could handle either: toning it down, giving my character something else to do (stopping), or just finding a reason to not roleplay with this person. Sure, it's my character, and I should be entitled to play them however I want, but that doesn't mean I have the right to go about making people uncomfortable on an OOC level just because, 'Loldealwithit.'

 

 

Likewise, I've seen people abuse, "My character is a bad guy," to just be a jerk. To transfer OOC emotions to IC and then claim, "Too bad." I've seen roleplay ruined because one player couldn't offer another the decency (or straight up respect) to either tone it down or find someone else to torment. At the end of the day, we've all experienced different things, and our fun should not ever come at the cost of someone else's. This is a big enough community we can find like minded individuals.

 

 

Still, people shouldn't just straight up stop playing these characters (or be forced to change them). And people shouldn't condemn them OOC for IC actions. If I'm playing a "Bad guy" character and someone starts accusing me that, "Oh you're a racist IRL," or, "You hate me don't you," or whatever it may be that's on them. That isn't on me. I'm still entitled to play my character and keep myself separated from my character's thoughts and actions. Bad people exist in storytelling. Antagonists are there for a reason. You don't have to participate with them but you also don't need to damn a person for playing them. It doesn't "fall on them," at all if that person hasn't been contacted and there hasn't been an option or hand extended to adjust or leave the story.

 

 

At the end of the day, we're all here to have fun, and tell stories. Not everyone is going to jive IC or OOC but that doesn't mean it has to be a shame fest. 

 

 

IC=/=OOC

 

 

Roleplayers need to learn to communicate better instead of just going to extreme sides. 

 

 

*Edit & Note: I realize not all abrasive characters are bad or evil. I get that. I was using a consistent example. 

I believe you're misunderstanding what it is I was saying. I am not saying "loldealwithit", not in the slightest. To reiterate, it's up to the player who is taking an issue with it to speak up if the RP is bothering them OOCly and talk about it with the other player, not the player who is choosing to play an abrasive/challenging character. They do not know how you feel and cannot assume how you would feel, so how are they responsible for knowing how it is the IC actions are making you feel OOCly?

 

If you do speak up about it, and the other player says "loldealwithit", then you have the right to remove yourself from the RP. You made your feelings known, and they were just as abrasive OOC, and their OOC actions should have consequence OOCly. They are not willing to cooperate, and neither should you if that is their answer.

 

But if you choose not to speak up about your problems with it, you cannot hold the actions of the player ICly against them OOCly.

[Thorgar]

we are here to have fun not ruin the fun of others. never forget it, don't do anything to someone you would not want done to you. 

 

Simple advice but if you follow it you make your time, and the time of your fellow players, a lot better.

[Michikyou]

I a hundred percent agree. I've heard too many times about people being targetted or attacked on Tumblr because of their roleplay decisions or even OOC decisions which can be completely false. I know there are linkshells out there dedicated and used as a purpose of talking of how much you hate certain people or XYZ regardless of your knoweldge of them.

 

Sometimes, the community feels like highschool again, and that isn't cool. We're (mostly) all adults here.

[Dravus]

I a hundred percent agree. I've heard too many times about people being targetted or attacked on Tumblr because of their roleplay decisions or even OOC decisions which can be completely false. I know there are linkshells out there dedicated and used as a purpose of talking of how much you hate certain people or XYZ regardless of your knoweldge of them.

 

Sometimes, the community feels like highschool again, and that isn't cool. We're (mostly) all adults here.

 

I was rather amused - and surprised - to be linked to a rather odd comment about a post I made in a thread on this site over on Tumblr not too long ago. Instead of approaching me and asking for clarification I was branded an 'elitist' and some pretty nasty things were said about me - all based on one post that was taken completely out of context and was simply my own personal opinion at the end of the day.

 

I find that sort of thing pretty terrifying even with a thick skin. Especially since the culprit is someone often praised for being 'friendly and an awesome role-player'. Obviously I'm unlikely to ever interact with them myself but it makes me worry that some people are going to avoid approaching me based on rumour and gossip alone.

 

It's a shame, though. 'Communication' is often stated throughout the community as being very important but at the end of the day there isn't a whole lot of it in quite a few cases that would otherwise be resolved with a few polite words. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that many role-players struggle to agree to disagree though. We're a passionate bunch after all!

[Yune]

It's unfortunate that behavior like this has become so commonplace, and it's honestly one of the reasons why it's been so difficult for me to go out and make friends in this game. Having bounced around between a number of online communities since around 2002, I've seen my share of bad circumstances like this, and have been at the receiving end of people's senseless ire as well. But as was just mentioned, online communities feel sometimes like high school, and those were certainly days in which certain people would tear others down for the sake of looking like the better person, even if their methods were underhanded and nasty.

 

I'll admit I've also had experiences in which a first impression of a stranger in the game left a bad taste in my mouth and I was quick to make certain judgements that I now regret. Though the same could be said that I also made positive judgements on people who turned out to be malicious and self-possessed as well, so it can go both ways. At this point, I can only make efforts to better myself by not settling my beliefs towards a person until I can say I actually know them, because I personally hate it when others who know absolutely nothing about me act like they do and judge me unfairly.

 

Unfortunately, gossip and drama will always be a staple wherever you go. Ideally, we wouldn't have to deal with such things and everyone would be able to understand one another, but there are too many insecure or bitter people out there, or simply those who don't feel that they're doing anything wrong because the entire situation is misunderstood. Still, for people like me who are shy and reclusive, scenarios like this can make future socializing very difficult indeed. I've had one known case in the game in which a person--a friend--misinterpreted something and proceeded to speak negatively about me behind my back rather than come to me about the issue that upset them. Meanwhile, the things they were ranting about didn't even happen. As perhaps expected, that person has since stopped talking to me, even after claiming that the issue between us was resolved when we were able to discuss the misunderstanding.

 

It's a really horrible feeling when you're completely unaware of an issue while the issue itself is being spread around to everyone else who will form opinions despite having zero knowledge of you as a person. There have been times already when I've wondered if some of the few people in the game who have ever socialized with me stopped as suddenly as they did because they heard something about me that wasn't even true. It's unfortunate, but most people will simply believe the first thing they hear about a person and trust the perspective of another who may not even know that person either.

 

I would really like to make friends in this game, but hearing about this kind of behavior and seeing/experiencing it first hand just makes the introvert in me not even want to try for it. I know that there are some true gems in our community, but there are also many nasty and opinionated people who will tear you down the moment they realize they'll benefit from it in some way.