The IC/OOC boundary and how to approach it the SMILE way

[Flickering Ember]

I am a little nervous to post this because I figure this might be an unpopular opinion but here goes. You don't have to agree with me. This post uses all encompassing language though so keep that in mind.

 

My guide on how to keep IC/OOC boundaries:

 

 

1. Recognize that breaking IC/OOC barriers is not something that 'other' people do. No one breaks IC/OOC boundaries on purpose and no one realizes they are doing it. You're doing it, I'm doing it, everyone here is doing it at some point big or small. Suggesting that you are impervious to it is akin to saying "People are stupid." Everyone makes mistakes and will continue making mistakes for the rest of their life, even in a hobby in a video game.

 

2. Recognize that you make mistakes. Recognize that other people make mistakes. Practice humility. Getting emotional during RP is normal but be very careful. Getting emotional over RP can be an indicator that a RP scene is very powerful....or it can be a perfect indicator that we need to walk away from the RP. Give yourself space. Take some time to think on happenings in RP. Not every RP decision needs to be made Now, Now, Now. 

 

3. It isn't my business or anyone else's to tell anyone else how to RP. Everyone roleplays for different reasons. Some people do roleplay wish fulfillments that they can't acquire in real life. A person's entire character can be based around it or just a few small aspects can be wish fulfillments. Is your character pretty where you consider yourself not? Does she have the body type you want but can't have? Does she have the family you want but can't have? I she strong where you aren't? Is she sociable where you aren't? Is she rich and you aren't?

 

There are going to be similarities between you and your character. This is inevitable. They will have wish fulfillments, a few or many, it depends on how your character was made. Recognize what aspects of your character these are. Accept that not everyone will find them as desirable as you do.

 

Unfortunately, the more similarities and wish fulfillments you have will make you more vulnerable (but not guaranteed!) to fall into the trap of OOC/IC boundaries.

 

4. Now that you have taken a look at the similarities between you and your character. Write out a character profile, make a wiki, write a personality diamond for your character, fill out a questionnaire for your character. Learn your character more.

 

5. You will break the OOC/IC barrier at some point. Reflect back on your RP and strive for self improvement. Treat others with respect. Treat yourself with respect while still being humble. Don't be a jerk. Don't make others uncomfortable. If you're not sure if something makes someone else uncomfortable, ask. Give your RP partner space if they ask. Do not make everything about you. Be positive and interested in other characters and you will receive the same thing in return.

....But that's not guaranteed and if someone doesn't return your interest then that person is in the right to do so.

 

If you feel uncomfortable speak up! If someone is being a jerk speak up!

Don't make assumptions about how other people feel about your character. Don't make assumptions about how other players feel about you OOC. If you're not sure, ask!

Assumptions are bad, bad, bad.

 

Example: Player A has been ignoring me! Why does she hate me?

Player B: "I've been too shy to approach you!"

 

6. This guideline applies to me too.

 

 

Disclaimer: Not really writing this from a romance RP point of view since I don't really do that type of RP.

[Gegenji]

Disclaimer: Not really writing this from a romance RP point of view since I don't really do that type of RP.

 

Actually, I think it fits pretty well for romance RP too. There's something of a bit of wish fulfillment in wanting your character to fall in love and possibly get married. If not wish fulfillment for yourself, then wish fulfillment in the sense that you want something nice for your character.

 

But the rules seem to be the same to me. Be open, communicate and see what the boundaries are, be willing to accept mistakes. If you feel you're crossing a line, or they're crossing a line, say something. Be willing to talk it out and adjust as necessary.

[Dimona]

That wish fulfillment thing has been such a huge problem from some experiences I've had with role-play in other games. So far my experiences in Final Fantasy XIV role-play have been very positive. Previous to this game, much less so..

 

In other games I have run into problems with that sort of obsessive behavior which transitioned from a cute relationship to something where it became apparent that it was much more meaningful to my "RP partner." I was followed to another server, then followed to another game (even using a totally different character name). Cutting off ties was more difficult, but the real friends I made understood why I left, and I kept away from pretty much all kinds of role-play for almost three years. I was very nervous even about coming back last year.

 

I don't talk much about this because I don't know where he has gone, if he still role-plays, or is in ARR at all. He was pretty consistent about a name he used and after searching the HRPC before joining I'm convinced he's gone and found some other rock to hide under.

 

I have totally reinvented myself in that space in-between, and I like to think that I am a little older and a little wiser and definitely a lot more guarded. I do think relationships make the role-play experience more fun and enriching, but I do not invest myself to that degree, and have gone so far as to give my character reasons to be guarded, and while I think she is a beautiful character in a lot of ways, I still remember how "cute" became "awkward", then "uncomfortable", then "obsessive" before finally spiraling into something that made me simply not ever want to log in anymore.

 

Now I go to certain lengths to keep my "character life" apart from "real life." The people with whom I role-play have been very understanding and I don't feel a lot of pressure to talk about real life stuff more than I want. I just play and enjoy the storytelling aspects of it and it helps fuel my own personal writing ambitions so I am really glad I came back, and grateful to the other role-players around here!

 

I think Dimona could one day have a [serious] boyfriend but there would be a lengthy screening process of the complimentary role-player and I would want to make sure that we were both invested in the telling of the story and not misusing the relationship to fill some other vacancy of life. It's not something I'm looking for. Her story is still unfolding and I have enjoyed watching her adapt to her environment as it changes around her. She is a lot more than arm candy anyway and I would never want to discredit her like that.

 

It does amaze me just how many "couples" there are in RP, and at times I wonder/worry if anyone else is enduring what I had to suffer through, but I feel like coming back to role-play has empowered me. My character name and the type of character I used to RP is totally different from Dimona and exploring a lot of the differences in this character has really helped me to partake in a totally different sort of role-play than what I was accustomed to. For a long time I thought if I ever did come back it was going to have to be as a character who was ugly, unattractive, or just crazy. I'm happy to be able to role-play a character who is still beautiful, a totally different kind of beautiful than that groove I fell into so many years ago. She is bold and confident and fun and I have been enjoying role-play so much more lately than I think I ever did back in those days! So the story has a happy ending.

 

But like so many others said, this line between what is reality and what is fantasy is soooooooooooooooo important. And if it ever seems like it's getting fuzzy for someone it is very important to communicate, like so many of the posts above have stated. And if that communication isn't being met in a receptive and positive way, than it is best to get out quickly and move on.

 

Invest in the STORYTELLING.

[Hyrist]

I'm having to word  myself carefully in this situation as I've well known that my opinion always first seems unpopular untill the full depth of it is understood. To clarify, this is not a slight in anyway, but it is a caution bout semantics - roleplaying is a very word-specific craft and we must at all times be aware of the implied impact of what we say as a community. That said, this simply the observation of one man who's spent his whole life pretending to be different people for personal enjoyment, and genuinely wishes for an open and loving community that approaches matters, including touchy subjects, with an effort into mutual understanding rather the assumption of understanding.

 

I'm going to start with the blunt: In my experience - Roleplaying is Wish Fulfillment 

 

Heres the Caveat: in the same regards as all Alcoholic Drinks contain Alcohol. 

 

 

I respectfully submit to the community that it is healthy to recognize that there is no separating the two so much as there is treating it responsibly. If there is a modicum of desire to roleplay something, you are fulfilling a wish. 

 

I use alcohol as a reference because I feel Roleplaying in general must be treated with the same level of caution and respect, and those who are falling into common IC/OOC separation or immersion difficulties must also be approached with the same level of understanding and concern, rather than disdain. (Indeed a lot of my philosophy of Roleplaying involves treating the craft like a hobby in Alacholic drinks. I.E.: You control the Character (drink) the character (drink) does not control you. There are times will you do things to your character that are out of its line of comfort, or make them do things that are against their base nature, etc.)

 

Reading some of these posts, I find myself fearful that this community, in an effort to try to create a drama-free environment, often sets itself up for more due to harsh language usage and exclusion behavior.

 

Everyone has their own style of roleplaying, and their own control to immersion limits. Not everyone understands their own limits and sometimes must be guided to do so.

 

This is why, the hand-in-hand top priority of all roleplaying is consent and communication. So long as the people involved in the roleplay all consent to the goings on, all else is secondary. You can have wish-fulfillment so long as it's done safely and not to the harm of the players behind the monitors. To state otherwise universally does so at the inadvertent exclusion of people who's wish fulfillment is benign.

 

For example: We have many members of the RP community that are Gender Fluid or wish to experience the gameplay from the perspective of a Gender Other than your own. Yet, someone new who's not grasping the subtle differences on the concept of 'wish fulfillment' may fell dejected by the notion that it's so passionately protested against (even though it is inherent in our craft).

 

Be it the wish to play a part, or the wish to immerse yourself into a world, all forms of roleplaying intrinsically functions as wish fulfillment. With respect to the community here, I feel it's wise that we recognize that and focus more on the concept of communication, consent, and self-control than to paint that particular matter as a clear 'other' to the natural behaviors of the community.

[SessionZero]

I think overall what we've managed to accomplish in this thread is that while we may disagree slightly on the intricacies of the subject, we can all agree that the most important aspects of keeping RP fun and OOC drama-free is Communication, Consent, and Compromise.

 

Make sure you and your partner communicate the goings-on.

 

Make sure your partner consents to your desired actions.

 

In the event that your partner has hesitations about certain things, reach a compromise that both parties can agree on. If that cannot be reached, it is perhaps best you go your separate ways.

[Dravus]

On a related note, strive to avoid stagnation. Don't be afraid to expand your social circle - it's a great way to avoid becoming too invested and reliant on a specific group of role-players.

[Faye]

Faye's Comprehensive Guide to Preventing IC/OOC Bleed-through! \o/

 

Don't make a self insert character.

 

 

Don't toss yourself into the game.

 

When your character is essentially yourself but in FFXIV form living in Eorzea to live out your fantasies of leading a cool anime character life, it inevitably leads to trouble. It's hard to separate your character from yourself, when your character is, well, yourself. It's a lot easier to be confused by romantic RP when your character is essentially you and you can think, "Hey, if they like my character, they should like me, too, because I'm the same!" It's also easier to be hurt by criticism of your character's personality from other characters or role-players. It feels more like an attack on your personal character, since, well, they're essentially the same.

 

Don't play an ideal version of everything you aspire to be.

 

Hey, I get it. We all want to be beautiful, intelligent, witty, confident, funny, charming, level-headed, super strong, talented, respected, adored, successful, rich, young, and all around awesome and flawless with a super hot significant other (or twenty), and RP is sadly the only venue 99.999% of us will have to achieve this. But please resist the temptation. If you can't be a flawless person IRL, chances are, you can't play a flawless character. They're Sue-ish and boring and overpowered, anyway. When people play characters who symbolize everything they wish they could be, or who are essentially themselves but vastly improved and romanticized, any criticism of the character from another character or role-player is easy to take very personally. It can feel like an attack on you, or an attack on your ideals and who you want to be.

 

These type of characters are usually meant to be "flawless," since they are meant to be perfect versions of ourselves. The problem is every character will have flaws even if unintended, because everyone has flaws, and the people creating these characters can't help but give them flaws even if on accident--often the same flaws we have IRL but may be unaware or in denial of. When another character or another role-player finds fault in these "perfect" characters, it's usually taken as an attack on your character who you're more attached to than you should be, an attack on your RP skills for giving flaws to your "perfect" saint and super hero of your character, and an attack on you personally OOC since the flaw being pointed out is likely one you posses IRL.

 

Moreover, creating a character who differs from you in looks, race, age, experience, sex, gender, personality, morals, ideals, goals, preferences, habitat, skills, interests, etc. will greatly exaggerate the differences between you and your character. This should help you separate yourself from your character, as well as help others do the same.

 

Use perspective and wording carefully.

 

Use third-person perspective to talk about your character or other characters in your writing.

 

Some people prefer to use first-person perspective in RP, embracing the idea that they should "be" their character in order to be fully immersed in RP. If this is your preference, that's fine, but it's these subtle things that subconsciously can muddle the lines of OOC and IC. Even if you still wish to refer to your character as "I/me," please do not refer to someone else's character as "you" in your RP posts (I.E. "I kiss you."). This is awkward and uncomfortable for those who don't use third-person, and even sometimes strange for others who do use first-person but still refer to other people's characters as "she/he."

 

Use third-person perspective to talk about your character or other characters OOC.

 

It can be intuitive when chatting OOC to refer to someone by their character's name/gender, since their avatar is initially the only thing you have to identify them. This is fine, but please don't take the extra step of actually referring to them, or yourself, as their avatar. Statements like "I'm so mad at your character!" when you actually mean your character is mad or "My character is so annoyed with you!" when you actually mean your character is upset with their character can sound accusatory and lead to misunderstandings OOC.

 

Don't judge another role-player based on their character.

 

I've had people who met me through RP at first shocked when we began talking OOC and they saw how laid back, goofy, and derpy I am OOC compared to my very serious and mature character. They were even more shocked when they began to realize how quiet and timid I can be, especially in real life or voice chats, compared to my ever-confident and fearless character. On the other hand, in my last MMO I've had those who met me OOC in general chats utterly in disbelief I could coherently and whole-heartedly RP a serious character until I proved them otherwise. Do not assume someone's OOC personality is anything like their characters! Don't make judgments OOC based on IC, and vice versa.

 

Communicate with others OOC!

 

Form friendships with your RP partners.

 

Getting to know the people you're RPing with OOC can help you form a relationship separate from the relationship you have IC and remind you there is a real, different person on the other end behind the character. Getting to know the difference between someone and there character can help you keep them separate, and should help them do the same for you.

 

Set up boundaries and voice your expectations.

 

It's okay to set up boundaries once it comes up or when you're comfortable having that talk with an RP partner. It's okay to say, "I'm not looking for ERP," or "I want to keep this wholly IC; I'm not pursuing anything OOC," or whatever your boundaries may be. Heck, even if you are looking for an OOC relationship to go along with your IC romance (I'm strongly against it, but hey, you do you and I'll do me, and I promise we won't do each other) say it outright so the other person will know what they are getting into.

 

Reaffirm that you are not your character.

 

If your character is in a relationship and the person is getting too clingy OOC, politely remind them it's all IC for you and you're uncomfortable if it's not that way on both ends. If your character hates another character, reassure the person the animosity is all IC and that OOC, you have nothing against them or even your character. If your character is an abrasive asshole, feel free to apologize OOC to the other player, especially if they seem to be getting bothered by it.

 

Consider your feelings and thoughts!

 

Be introspective and ask, "Why?"

 

Some people are uncomfortable playing certain types of characters. Some people will only play certain races, only play one gender, only play good guys, only play characters with a certain sexual preference, only play mages or only play physical fighters, etc. It's okay to prefer certain things and to wish to a play a character you can relate well to, or explore certain aspects of yourself with. Just spend some time thinking about these things and WHY you prefer the things you do, and if you're avoiding certain topics and archetypes in RP for the right reasons.

 

It's okay to sympathize and empathize, but don't take IC things personally.

 

We have a bond with our characters. They're our babies, pieces of ourselves. It's only natural to be frustrated when things in your character's life aren't going there way, tearing up in an emotional scene, getting a big goofy grin in a light-hearted or lovey-dovey scene, feeling a rush of adrenaline when your character is angry or fighting. But don't let these emotions go too far. Are you feeling these emotions the same as you would as if your character was in a book or movie you were enjoying? Or are you feeling these emotions as if they were happening to you instead of your character? Are these feelings about IC matters affecting your OOC mood, your enjoyment of the game, your relationships, even your real life? If so...

 

Take a step back when you need.

 

Feel free to avoid/cut out certain people.

 

There are people who, at least at this point in their lives or RP experience, cannot keep IC and OOC separate, and as good as you may be at upholding that boundary, exposing yourself to people who constant blur the two will inevitably drag you down and probably make for an unpleasant experience regardless. Do not be afraid to avoid these people, even outright ask them to leave you alone, or blacklist them if necessary.

 

Step away from the keyboard if things get heated or blurry.

 

We channel our character's thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It's only normal to feel what they feel. But when your character's thoughts and emotions get blurred with your own, step away from the keyboard for a few minutes. Don't make that next post, especially if it's an OOC one, until you've calmed down and you know whether you're thinking with your character's head or your own.

 

Take a break when things get stressful.

 

Despite our best efforts, sometimes it's hard to fully separate OOC and IC, especially as mentioned above if you have someone heckling you OOC about IC things, or trying to take OOC things out on your character. This will only likely lead to drama with others, and the stress alone can make RPing in the game an unpleasant experience. It's okay to take a break, however long you need. Take a break from RPing with a certain person, take a break from your FC/LS, take a break from your character, taker a break from the server, take a break from RP, take a break from the game, take a break from the internet--whatever you're most comfortable with or know will be best for you. If you don't want to wholly take a break from something or are having trouble doing so, find other hobbies to distract yourself with.

 

 

 

 

Ultimately, at the end of the day, remember that role-play is role-play. Please don't take things other say IC to mean anything OOC. Personally, I have to frown on the philosophy that "RP is being your character," or that anyone should role-play for the sake of wish-fulfillment. It's fine for others to feel that way about their RP, but if you do, please make sure the person you're RPing with shares the same ideas, and if they don't, make sure they're comfortable with it and keep in mind they don't feel the same way you do. If you play a self-insert character and don't mind others blurring OOC with IC in how they treat you, remember that the majority of the people you RP with probably don't feel the same way, so don't treat them that way.

 

The "RP is being your character" notion is well-intentioned, but in actual application I've never seen it not lead to problems eventually. As counter-intuitive as it may see to the term "role-play," I think treating your characters as characters in a book or screen play who you are simply giving actions and dialogue is a much safer and more enjoyable route than actually trying to take on the "role" of your character yourself to "be the character."

 

 

I hope my wall o' text will be helpful too anyone who suffers through reading it.

[Faye]

Another thing I forgot to add, on the note of communication--I recommend getting to know someone OOC before RPing more risque subjects, romance and sex especially. In example, I absolutely will not ever ERP with someone I have the slightest inclination to believe could blur IC/OOC, be clingy, obsessive, creepy, abusive, or otherwise weird, or if I feel I don't know them well enough OOC to make that judgment.

[g0ne]

I'm so happy that everyone is giving such valuable advice and information. So happy... T^T (those are happy tears)

 

I also hope it is helpful for everyone, whether new RPers or experienced ones. It was certainly very helpful to me. 

 

Can I just give a standing ovation to all the people who posted on this thread, and to all the people who will post on this thread. You guys are awesome. :3 :bouncy:

[C'kayah Polaali]

Refrain from posting anything on this thread other that is against the SMILE way.

 

This is clearly an acronym, but I don't know what it is. Google doesn't seem to, either. At least not in my searches. Enlighten me, please?

[Chris Ganale]

It may have just been emphasis.

[Faye]

So

Many

Illegal

Leprechaun

Echidnas

[Melkire]

Predecessor to SERVICE. I forget the exact words.

[g0ne]

It may have just been emphasis.

 

^

 

Yay, cookie for Chris! He got it right!

 

It was just me trying to stress on it, so upper case letters! SMILE!

[Chris Ganale]

-Wanders off to the kitchen to get a glass of milk for that cookie-

[Zhavi]

The only character you have full control over is your own.

 

The second you start feeling negative emotions over the actions of other characters, take a step back.

=> if they're doing something you feel is breaking your immersion or fun, talk to them.

=> if they're doing something that is making you uncomfortable, talk to them.

=> if you cannot resolve the issues, gently disentangle yourself from the rp.

 

The second you start repeatedly and frequently trying to convince someone to do something with their character that they have told you they don't want to do, take a step back. You are way too invested, and need to separate your emotions from the rp.

=> Try your damndest not to hold other peoples' choices with their characters against them. Even if you feel they are breaking [insert unspoken social rule or bit of rp etiquette or setting rule here], the only character you have full control over is your own.

 

Direct the rp where you need to, but do not assume you'll be able to fully control it. Sometimes even the best laid plans get sidetracked. It isn't personal.

 

Be polite. Everyone is human. Even you.

 

Try not to get so caught up in what you want that you forget that you're writing with other creative people who have their own wants and feelings.

 

RP is social. RP is not dictated. RP is collaborative. Players are not their characters. . . .however, characters might have a specific purpose for specific intentions on the player's part. Always be aware of this. Always take care. Protect yourself where you need to, but try not to let it affect the rp unless something crosses one of your personal boundaries (in which case . . .politely disentangle yourself from the rp).

 

Be aware of your own feelings. If the rp is making you depressed or anxious, that's IC/OOC crossover too, just of a different kind. Take a break if you need to; remember that rp is supposed to be fun.

[Gegenji]

I wonder, is it possible to go too far the other way, too? I ask because I might fall into that camp at times. Though it might just be general worry about the other person in general.

 

Basically, I mean that you worry so much about trying to keep things friendly and cordial that you're tempted to continually double-check with the other person to make sure everything's cool. I haven't quite hit the point where I had a character be really mean to someone IC and immediately follow it with a stream of "IMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRY *hugs*" OOCly (possibly due to Chachan's generally friendly nature)... but it does feel like something I would honestly do.

 

Along with that is a sort of... after-the-fact doubt? You did something with someone, it's over and done with, but you keep wondering if it was okay. If they were okay with it, and if everything's still cool all around. My best example of this was a training session for Chachan with Sei... I got all caught up in the choreographing aspect of free-form combat since I hadn't done it in a while. Sei rightfully pointed out I was no-selling her character's attacks, and I immediately tried to over-sell to compensate. And afterward I STILL felt real bad about it.

 

I have a lot of fun RPing with everyone and I want them to have fun too... and the chance that I might ruin that or overstep my boundaries worries me to no end at times.

[Hyrist]

It may have just been emphasis.

 

^

 

Yay, cookie for Chris! He got it right!

 

It was just me trying to stress on it, so upper case letters! SMILE!

 

-Wanders off to the kitchen to get a glass of milk for that cookie-

 

Still calling it Systematically Making Intellectually Lovely Exchanges. >.>

[Baja]

This may sound too simplistic but should I feel myself even getting slightly offended, entitled, overly-affectionate, etc. OOC I immediately take a pause. Once I've asked for a short break AFK, I get up just for a minute or two. Stretch. Cuddle my dog. Refill my beverage. Relax. Breathe. Anything really to break that emotion that really has no place in my RP.

 

Once I return and jump back into writing, 100% of the time I'm not in the same frame of mind anymore. As if my emotion has been reset. Things can get heated and intense in a variety of ways that are sad, scary, erotic, offensive, whatever it may be. The line between OOC/IV should never be crossed in an RP.

[Gegenji]

Still calling it Systematically Making Intellectually Lovely Exchanges. >.>

 

I prefer Speaking on Matters with Intrinsically Lighthearted Expressions.

[C'kayah Polaali]

I wonder, is it possible to go too far the other way, too? I ask because I might fall into that camp at times. Though it might just be general worry about the other person in general.

 

Basically, I mean that you worry so much about trying to keep things friendly and cordial that you're tempted to continually double-check with the other person to make sure everything's cool. I haven't quite hit the point where I had a character be really mean to someone IC and immediately follow it with a stream of "IMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRY *hugs*" OOCly (possibly due to Chachan's generally friendly nature)... but it does feel like something I would honestly do.

 

Along with that is a sort of... after-the-fact doubt? You did something with someone, it's over and done with, but you keep wondering if it was okay. If they were okay with it, and if everything's still cool all around. My best example of this was a training session for Chachan with Sei... I got all caught up in the choreographing aspect of free-form combat since I hadn't done it in a while. Sei rightfully pointed out I was no-selling her character's attacks, and I immediately tried to over-sell to compensate. And afterward I STILL felt real bad about it.

 

I have a lot of fun RPing with everyone and I want them to have fun too... and the chance that I might ruin that or overstep my boundaries worries me to no end at times.

 

Usually if a scene is heading in a dark direction (a fight, robbery, etc), I'll pause things for a brief conversation about what's okay and what's not okay. To avoid continually re-checking, I'll throw something in about saying something if anything goes too far. The best way to think of it is like a safe word: It's an established out for when things go to far.

 

What you're talking about here, Chach, is more of a RP etiquette thing, and that gets a little more fuzzy. Sei, in your example, felt that you weren't taking hits that you should have, and you agreed. It's cut and dried. It gets a little harder to work with if it's less black and white: What if Sei said you should be taking hits that you didn't think you should be taking. That's a source for a longer conversation, I think, but there are always going to be unresolvable differences there. Especially in conflict, there are people who simply can't bear the thought of their character's losing.

 

With conflict RP of any sort, you really, really have to trust the people you're RPing with if you do it freeform. You have to trust their (and your) commitment to the story, and trust that whatever they do they do for the benefit of the story. If you can't, that's a sign you should suggest using some sort of randomizer to resolve things. This doesn't just apply to combat, it could apply anywhere.

[Dimona]

Basically, I mean that you worry so much about trying to keep things friendly and cordial that you're tempted to continually double-check with the other person to make sure everything's cool. I haven't quite hit the point where I had a character be really mean to someone IC and immediately follow it with a stream of "IMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRY *hugs*" OOCly (possibly due to Chachan's generally friendly nature)... but it does feel like something I would honestly do.

 

I fall into this camp a lot.  Dimmy can be really brusque and lacks a lot of basic manners and when someone does take notice of her IC her gut reaction is suspicion and her words are often defensive and she very readily shoots from the hip.  She also frowns on certain behaviors that are pretty common amongst many RPers as well.  Not to say she doesn't warm up to people slowly over a span of time, but with some people I do find myself sending a little OOC whisper to say I'm really a nice person and that Dimmy is just being Dimmy and maybe one day she'll learn to be a little more polite.

 

I wage that little battle with not wanting to break anyone's sense of immersion and wanting to be perfectly clear that it's the character who is socially and intellectually inept, and not me as the player!

[ArmachiA]

=> Try your damndest not to hold other peoples' choices with their characters against them. Even if you feel they are breaking [insert unspoken social rule or bit of rp etiquette or setting rule here], the only character you have full control over is your own.

 

Not gonna lie, I tend to get very vocal about ONE thing that I hate more than anything - characters falling in love within the week. It's mostly because every single person who has caused drama for me in RP tried to push romance too fast and either got upset that I took it off the table or, in my earlier years, it raised a red flag but I let it continue and then it blew up in my face. When I see two people roleplaying their characters as in love or closely bonded after a week, I get really, really agitated and feel like they only want RP romance. I can even tolerate blatant lore breaking more than that and I generally don't even WANT to rp with people who I find out doing it.

 

I know this makes me kind of a bad person, it's not any of my business at the end of the day and I'm really vocal about it, but I'm trying to hold my tongue more. On that I actually do have to take a step back and breath. Regardless whether or not I'm right in the end, these people are adults and after my initial vocalizing my distaste I need to let it go.

 

Working on it. Even I am human

[Enla]

=> Try your damndest not to hold other peoples' choices with their characters against them. Even if you feel they are breaking [insert unspoken social rule or bit of rp etiquette or setting rule here], the only character you have full control over is your own.

 

Not gonna lie, I tend to get very vocal about ONE thing that I hate more than anything - characters falling in love within the week. It's mostly because every single person who has caused drama for me in RP tried to push romance too fast and either got upset that I took it off the table or, in my earlier years, it raised a red flag but I let it continue and then it blew up in my face. When I see two people roleplaying their characters as in love or closely bonded after a week, I get really, really agitated and feel like they only want RP romance. I can even tolerate blatant lore breaking more than that and I generally don't even WANT to rp with people who I find out doing it.

 

I know this makes me kind of a bad person, it's not any of my business at the end of the day and I'm really vocal about it, but I'm trying to hold my tongue more. On that I actually do have to take a step back and breath. Regardless whether or not I'm right in the end, these people are adults and after my initial vocalizing my distaste I need to let it go.

 

Working on it. Even I am human

I'm kind of in the same boat, though I have had characters just outright take the choice out from under my feet before. To the point where my RP partner and I just had to stop back and ask each other what just happened because neither of us expected it. Oddly enough the only truly lasting 'romance' I've had in those veins morphed into an enduring friendship more than anything else - particularly because my RP partner's character just doesn't understand the concept of romantic love. Affection and lust to a certain degree, and he definitely understands and embodies the concepts of familial love, but he's about as emotionally constipated as they get while still being horrifically squishy. He and my character are still unbelievably cute together and have several children, but it isn't a typical romance because if pressed to describe why he loves my character he'd get a blank look upon his face as the concept just does not compute. Like at all, and often to hilarious effect. Which, on the flip side, my character adores about him. They're a bit of an odd couple though.

 

Personally I don't much begrudge people for RPing whirlwind romances, it's their right and I'd be a hypocrite otherwise given the fact that it's happened with me in the past. I just much --much-- prefer slow burns, but I can see where other people wouldn't. Personally if things go too fast I tend to slam the proverbial breaks and back out of it, because like you pointed out it has bit me as well in the past. Particularly when I don't screen who I roleplay with. The above RP partner had been a good friend for months before we put those two characters together, and I trusted them to respect my boundaries. It's... Harder with new people though, and like the theme of this particular thread communication is utterly key. All that said, I don't think it makes you a bad person for having an opinion.

[Delilah Scythewood]

=> Try your damndest not to hold other peoples' choices with their characters against them.  Even if you feel they are breaking [insert unspoken social rule or bit of rp etiquette or setting rule here], the only character you have full control over is your own.

I love this so hard you have no idea.

 

I've had my characters do things other people don't like. Why? Because it's what the character would do. I'm playing something that is not an extension of myself nor ever meant to be. The only time I have ever made such an exception is in certain RP with my boyfriend or my other significant others in the past who were RP partners. Even then, there was still a huge limit on the leeway I would allow.

 

Probably the biggest source of drama I ever had in this game (and seen others go through) was over the above, and it's one that I keep watch over to make sure it doesn't happen in my FC like it's happened to me. It's a kind of IC/OOC blending that most people don't even realize they're doing, and is even trickier at times to point out.

 

The most I'll do is maybe make a comment or chat about it because it's interesting. Like if someone's toon kills/maims/harms/dislikes/etc. another's. I'd rather chat about it then get upset over it