Important Annoucement: Suicide Awareness

[Xydane Vale]

Last night, a guild mate of a friend of mine in World of Warcraft committed suicide. Though I did not know the player personally, my buddy and his guild feel absolutely devastated. From what they know, the player committed suicide in his/her own home shortly after logging off World of Warcraft.

 

This is something constantly preached in my workplace and organization and I will continue to do my duty to remind everyone as well. I always preach family in every community and organization whether it's a guild in a video game or at a work place and it is up to us to look out for one another.

 

If you know someone going through issues, be their light and drag them out of the darkness! Talk to them, listen, and get help! If you are someone going through troubles, please do not hesitate to seek someone out! Forget your pride! Suicide is not worth it and will only leave family and friends broken. It is a very selfish act - a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The world is MASSIVE and is waiting for you to go out there to live out your best! Go travel, hike up a mountain, try new food, discover new hobbies, etc!

 

For whomever this goes out to: Be strong. Always remember that there are other people in the world who are in a much worse situation. Do not be afraid to seek aid and help - for it doesn't show weakness but STRENGTH OF CHARACTER.

 

The U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1 (800) 273-8255

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

https://www.afsp.org/

www.sprc.org/

https://www.iasp.info/

https://ifightdepression.com/en/

[Faye]

That's sad to hear. Thank you for posting this. This is really important. I don't want to nitpick something with such good intentions, but I'd really advise against calling it selfish, however.

[Gharen]

((This is not meant to be chastising or cruel in any way, shape, or form so please do not take it as such.))

 

I'm sorry to hear about your loss Xydane.

 

As someone diagnosed with depression and who has contemplated suicide, I would as well advise against calling it an act of selfishness, or anything else for that matter. The mind of someone with depression is chemically imbalanced, they see themselves and problems in a vastly different way than the average person does. The problems someone with depression faces can be many and varied, and never quite so simple as you say to overcome.

 

Take a look at http://www.depressioncomix.com/ if you'd like a little insight into how someone with depression views themselves and the world around them.

[Oscarlet Oirellain]

That's so sad. If anyone here has thoughts like this, please post about it rather than doing it!

[Melodia]

*Hugs*

 

I myself struggle heavily with depressive thoughts quite often and it breaks my heart to hear about your friend. My best friend from the Army committed suicide as well....without warning. As I said I have issues of my own. Often my temper tantrums here are an extension of that. There are many days when even the amount of positives in my world don't...can't sway those down emotions. And it's easier to lash out....to hide away in the game and isolate myself.

 

When I am angry here....or in game...people may think I am stewing....broiling in anger. But the truth is, I am sad...and feel much like a turtle retreating into its shell, though usually there are tears associated with it. When I don't answer a tell, people may think I am being snobby or rude....but the fact is, I see the tell plainly and I am terrified to answer it because I am afraid I'll be told off or rejected....my biggest issue really, the latter.

 

And yes....there have been times I have spoken the words, "I don't want to be around anymore....just make it all go away..."  I'm sorry for the sudden soapbox....I play this therapist and most of the time I am a lonely depressed person. Yes....even with a family I am. I wear a good mask at home as I don't want my son to see how sad his father is.

 

I don't know why I wrote all of that....but I sympathize...I get it. I really do.

[Aaron]

My take on suicide will probably piss some people off (or not, who knows?)

 

But for the sake of this thread i'll just say im sorry for your loss. I'd feel devastated too if one of my friends be it here or irl committed suicide.

[mongi291]

Today I was late for school because a guy tried to commit suicide in the subway.

I don't know if I should be sorry or pissed off.

[Larson]

That's sad to hear. Thank you for posting this. This is really important. I don't want to nitpick something with such good intentions, but I'd really advise against calling it selfish, however.

 

Except that it is selfish.

 

People don't commit suicide because they want to die, they do it because they can't find a reason not to. They have reached a point internally where not friends, family, mentors, peers, dreams, nor the fear of death seems worth continuing to exist. It is an unfortunate instance of supreme human weakness.

 

The thing that these hotlines do is not try to convince you not to do it, they help you to reflect on what people and things exist in your life that are worth being around for. A hotline is going to help you figure out, okay are you really alone? What if there is just one person who would be hurt more by you being gone than you think? What if there are ways to make holding on a little longer a bit more bearable? Ultimately, these hotlines save thousands of lives just by being there to listen and to talk. They're important.

[Martiallais]

In the spirit of the thread/topic can we all agree that this is something serious and while it should be talked about, it may not be the place to debate whether it is or isn't selfish. I'd maybe recommend such things be shifted to PMs as it's an intensely personal matter to a LOT of people and there are bound to be feelings on it that (more than likely given past history here) will turn the thread into a wreck waiting for a mod to show up with a fire extinguisher.

[René Robicheaux]

In the spirit of the thread/topic can we all agree that this is something serious and while it should be talked about, it may not be the place to debate whether it is or isn't selfish. I'd maybe recommend such things be shifted to PMs as it's an intensely personal matter to a LOT of people and there are bound to be feelings on it that (more than likely given past history here) will turn the thread into a wreck waiting for a mod to show up with a fire extinguisher.

 

 

I agree. 

 

It is always hard to hear of someone taking their own life. I am deeply sorry for your loss. My grandfather committed suicide and over the years I have often had to find reasons to keep going. Know that our thoughts and prayers (or equivalent if you're not religious) are with you and the family and friends. :love:

[Duplicitous Dame]

In the spirit of the thread/topic can we all agree that this is something serious and while it should be talked about, it may not be the place to debate whether it is or isn't selfish. I'd maybe recommend such things be shifted to PMs as it's an intensely personal matter to a LOT of people and there are bound to be feelings on it that (more than likely given past history here) will turn the thread into a wreck waiting for a mod to show up with a fire extinguisher.

 

I have to echo this. While I do not agree with the word "selfish" being used, I do believe discussion of that particular sentiment should be kept to private messages. This is a subject that can get real ugly, real quick, and is something very much personal. I would hate to see this thread derailed and summarily locked when a good intent is trying to be had here. However, back on subject, my condolences to you and yours, Xydane. Losing someone, whether you were close to them or not, is never easy. I hope those who are experiencing grief at the moment are able to find comfort in those around them. I'll be sending good thoughts and energy their way.

[Faye]

That's sad to hear. Thank you for posting this. This is really important. I don't want to nitpick something with such good intentions, but I'd really advise against calling it selfish, however.

 

Except that it is selfish.

 

People don't commit suicide because they want to die, they do it because they can't find a reason not to. They have reached a point internally where not friends, family, mentors, peers, dreams, nor the fear of death seems worth continuing to exist. It is an unfortunate instance of supreme human weakness.

 

I'm not debating the word "selfish" to imply that suicide is a good idea, nor to romanticize or glorify it. I'm also not saying depression doesn't irreparably hurt everyone around you. However, depression and other mental illnesses alter your mental state, your outlook on life, and your view of yourself. I can tell you from firsthand experience that those who are suicidal often feel like a burden or nuisance to those around them. They feel like living is selfish and while, sure, everyone will be sad that they've died, they'll get over it and feel happier in the end.

 

The point is that those who are suicidal already feel selfish and horrible about themselves. For most people who are suicidal, there are multiple attempts done, and they spend a long amount of time contemplating it. There's no way of telling who here on these forums has attempted suicide, or thought about it, or will think about it. Putting them on blast for being "selfish" is not a good way to encourage them to seek help. At that point they need love and support, not criticism and insults. Depression is a battle you fight every day of your your life. That's an act of bravery, not weakness. You don't call someone "selfish" when they die of cancer, and depression is every bit as real a disease.

 

That's all I'll say on this matter, because I really don't want to derail from this thread and take away from its meaningful purpose. Please just rethink your words and your views.

[C'kayah Polaali]

I agree wholeheartedly with Gharen and Faye, which is all I'll say on that subject.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's guildy. That's a terrible tragedy. Thank you for posting this.

[Larson]

Okay, in the event that it will help someone somewhere, I'll share:

 

My views are unchanged as a person who has fought major depression alone, but I respect your feelings.

 

As I said, these hotlines are pretty amazing things. The most powerful medicine is talking about it. When you can have a conversation about it with someone who knows exactly what you're talking about and isn't humoring you or trying to throw sunshine and rainbows in your face, its so much easier to wrap your mind around what is going on. When you realize, "this isn't normal...and other people feel like me", you can start to either seek help or fight it yourself. I did not have access to the help. I fought on my own and then became the person my friends can talk to because I know what its like to have no one. But even then, I don't pity people who give up. It makes me angry.

 

One of the best habits I built for myself makes me look like a crazy person, but it does the job. When the emptiness, regret, and hopelessness start to haunt me, and my mind starts going over all the ways I've messed up,

 

I say, "Stop it." out loud. I command my mind to abandon those ideas. "Stop it stop it stop it." I'll whisper it in public. If I'm in my bed I'll say it at a speaking tone. The craziest part isn't how it looks but that is actually works.

[Alania Kord]

As someone diagnosed with depression and who has contemplated suicide, I would as well advise against calling it an act of selfishness, or anything else for that matter. The mind of someone with depression is chemically imbalanced, they see themselves and problems in a vastly different way than the average person does. The problems someone with depression faces can be many and varied, and never quite so simple as you say to overcome.

As someone also diagnosed with depression and anxiety, used to be a VERY avid cutter and still struggle with thoughts such as, "I wonder what it would be like to just roll my car into a ditch right now?" Suicide is the most selfish thing a person could possibly do with their life. Sure, you may no longer be suffering, but how many people would be devastated about your death, how many lives would you affect, how many people would hate themselves because they felt like they failed you. Someone with depression may think they are all alone in this world, but asking myself these questions has kept me here through the worst times of my life, including being raped twice and being homeless for a while.

 

To those thinking things will never get better for you, I have been at the bottom of the pit, it isn't an easy climb, but you can make it if you realize that there are people that truly care about you. Now I have an amazing husband and two adorable children to think about whenever I get these thoughts, it's still hard at times but they are my light. Things DO get better!!

[Mae]

Suicide is always unfortunate... my best to your friend and guildmates.

 

Going to link these...

 

Adventures in Depression

Depression, Part Two

 

Yes, these are written/drawn by the same woman who gave us the "Do all the things!" meme, but it's still a fairly accurate retelling of what depression and those moments of contemplating suicide is like for a lot of people. If you know someone who's depressed, read it because it gives some good insights into a depressed person's mind. Maybe have the person who's depressed read it too, cause the ending sentiments can be pretty strong to someone who's struggling to find hope in all the "hopeless bullshit".

 

 

Something else I'd like to bring up is... a misconception that a lot of us are told, even from some doctors/psychiatrists, that suicide is the result of approaching or hitting the absolute bottom of depression. But for a lot of people (I've heard that it could possibly be up to half the cases), it's not.

 

Absolute bottom for many with depression is the phase where nothing matters. On the trip down, they still have a bit of hope and coping skills buried somewhere in them, letting them consider that things will maybe still get better and maybe they're not as badly depressed as they think they are, but their time at the bottom leeches that out completely. It leeches all feeling out, a lot of the time. Down there, things like living and dying doesn't matter. Everything is the same, and they don't care anymore to put the -effort- into considering (nevermind attempting) suicide. 

 

So, when they finally start climbing back up, they eventually hit a point where they feel and care again, and they're suddenly EXCRUCIATINGLY aware of how miserable they had been, and now the rest of the climb just looks utterly hopeless*. They lack the coping skills they once had, so everything is just so overwhelming and they're suddenly very painfully aware that they've lost control of their lives.

 

Is it selfish that they contemplate, attempt, or commit suicide at this point? Maybe some are, but I think for most of them it's not selfish. They're scared, terrified, and in pain. A lot of them probably aren't reading the situations around them properly. Their fight or flight reflex has kicked in, and they're not processing things rationally. They honestly believe that fighting for their life, for control of their life, is utterly futile and impossible (and perhaps, like in some cases of domestic abuse and severe/prolonged bullying, attempts to fight back only caused more fear, terror, and pain). So they choose flight. They choose to run from life... and perhaps for some of them, it's a case where their death is the one thing they felt they could still control.

 

And it's unfortunate. Because that fear and pain was a sign that they were getting better. Depression is -sneaky- like that. When they start to get used to the numbness and disinterest, it's not uncommon for them to convince themselves that it's better this way. They're not crying and sad all the time. Sure, people look at them a bit weird sometimes, but at least it's not with pity. Maybe it's a sign that they're getting better, and this numbness is just reasonable exhaustion. So when they DO start to get better, not only are they unprepared for the upwards swing and the sudden realization of how depressed they really were, they misinterpret it.

 

 

The hotlines are wonderful, but sometimes you do need to call a few times before you get someone who you really feels "understands you" and can really help. Some people benefit from the "lets find something worth living for" angle. Some people need a "I'm here. If you want to talk about it, I'll listen. Or we can just talk together for a bit about whatever until you don't feel so alone" approach. I worked with a lady who volunteered for a hotline, and she had a couple 'regular callers', and we could always tell when one of them didn't call because the next day she'd be twitchy and anxious. So for anyone who is or is trying to urge someone to call a hotline... the people on the other end DO care. Working the hotlines is not something they entrust to people who are assigned to community service or needs a credit for a class, the person on the other end is someone who genuinely cares.

 

 

Also, one last thing... while the sentiment of "drag them out of the darkness" is well-meaning, I would like to suggest that it's not always the best idea. For people who have already lost control of their lives, "dragging" them is very likely to reinforce that feeling, and they might slide back as soon as you let go of them. As someone who's been there, I have to say that those who "came to sit with me in the darkness and waited until I felt comfortable enough to ask them to turn on the flashlight they brought" got through to me a million times better than those who "tried to drag me out into the bright light".

 

 

 

 

 

*Ever wonder why anti-depressant medications warn/list suicidal thoughts as a side-effect? This is why.

[Edda]

This is really not the place, in this thread or on the RPC as a whole, to be arguing about whether or not suicide is selfish or not. Even if you've been in that position. Especially if you've been in that position.

 

Whether or not you think you are arguing, I would recommend people keep their opinions on that matter to themselves, and move on.

[ShoggMommy]

This is really not the place, in this thread or on the RPC as a whole, to be arguing about whether or not suicide is selfish or not. Even if you've been in that position. Especially if you've been in that position.

 

Whether or not you think you are arguing, I would recommend people keep their opinions on that matter to themselves, and move on.

 

I'd have to agree with Edda on this one. Should it continue I foresee this thread being locked.

[Kou]

This is really not the place, in this thread or on the RPC as a whole, to be arguing about whether or not suicide is selfish or not. Even if you've been in that position. Especially if you've been in that position.

 

Whether or not you think you are arguing, I would recommend people keep their opinions on that matter to themselves, and move on.

 

I'd have to agree with Edda on this one. Should it continue I foresee this thread being locked.

Echoing this.

 

Please don't get this thread locked. It's valuable in its own way, and we need something like this.

 

Also, might I recommend adding a list of International Suicide Hotlines? A quick Google search has brought up this, but I'm in no position to confirm if these are active/real or not.

[ShoggMommy]

Also, might I recommend adding a list of International Suicide Hotlines? A quick Google search has brought up this, but I'm in no position to confirm if these are active/real or not.

 

Kou; Here's the wikipedia one. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

I'm very certain they screen these; as it says that 'please help us weed out the non reliable ones'. But they'd likely have to be researched further.

[Ryanti]

I'm incredibly sorry and remorseful that this happened, Xydane. My heart goes out to you and your friends.

 

I find that I can relate to this at an uncomfortable level, so it can be challenging to for me to speak up about this subject without being anxious.

 

For one, I deeply appreciate that Xydane would be considerate enough to reach out to this community after experiencing a sudden loss in another one. It's a kind act to offer information and assistance to people who might be struggling in silence or behind the facade curtain.

 

I myself have had battle after battle over the years with depression. I've also had anxiety issues creep up as I've gotten older. Not social anxiety, but anxiety over other things. Depression and anxiety are a deadly cocktail, and do not mix well at all. Add low self esteem and you've hit the trifecta.

 

Depression is not having a bad day/week/month. Depression is not having a good cry. It's different from being sad. Depression is a state of mind. It's a way of thinking that can be irrational and distorted. It's a toxic way of looking at yourself, those around you, and the situation you are in.

 

Depression is a lot like an unwilling addiction. Once you slip into that way of thinking, it can be very hard to break away from it. You can certainly want/desire to think differently, and want to change for the better. But it's not an overnight thing. Like breaking any other addiction, it takes a lot of hard work, patience, and support. There's also the relapses. You can look at yourself and tell yourself 'What are you doing?', but even with your mind asking you that question, you still 'do', because you can't find any other way to function.

 

It's gotten to me more often nowadays because I have just graduated college. So I would like to add a link or two about the issues effecting people in my position right now. This is purely something I would like to throw out there as well, and hopefully anyone going through it too can benefit from it.

 

[This is a link about something called Post-Graduate Depression]

[This is a link about wondering why it is not really talked about that often.]

[11 Ways to Avoid Post College Depression]

 

Remember: There are those that are open about their suffering, and those that are not. The reasons can range from being afraid of criticism and rejection, to anxiety, to stubbornness in admitting weakness when they believe it to be a weak trait, to just being shameful of it. Sometimes we have no idea of their suffering until it's too late to help just like in Xydane's case.

 

If any of you see any sort of sign that something is not well with somebody in your family, in your friends, in this community, anywhere... then reach out to them. Let them know you care. Let them know. Offer an ear to listen, if anything. We're all human, and none of us are perfect and we all have our own personal struggles and some are doing better than others at fighting it.

 

I don't know how to end this, so, I'll do it by quoting Xidane here.

 

This is something constantly preached in my workplace and organization and I will continue to do my duty to remind everyone as well. I always preach family in every community and organization whether it's a guild in a video game or at a work place and it is up to us to look out for one another.

 

PS: I'd also love to recommend the 'Chicken Soup for the' series of books for anyone that wants to read something that may help him get through hard times. It isn't just for teenagers. There are Chicken Soups books out there for all ages and backgrounds, such as parents, teachers, being at work/college/school etc.

 

Here is a list of them.

[MBajihri]

Hey everyone. This is a tough topic for me to speak on, as I've lived with depression for a very long time. I just want to offer my condolences to Xydane, and let others know you're not alone. If you ever feel down and have nobody to talk to, even though I'm a complete stranger to most, you can shoot me a tell. Even if it's a talk about the most random stuff, sometimes having someone to blab to can really make a difference. I do not mind being pulled aside to help someone. I encourage it. I hope that I can help at least one person!

[Baja]

This is such an important topic and I'm so sorry for your loss Xydane. Just hearing the news of another one of us, even if we're not in the same game, has passed away under these circumstances brings a deep sense of loss to me.

 

I can only take solace in the fact I personally know a few in-game that have found support and understanding through FFXIV that they were lacking in their day to day life. It's a beautiful thing.