Why pre-arrange romantic RP?

[xypher]

I'm in the extremely small minority of "I would like pre-planned because I barely get even platonic RP as it stands so having SOMETHING that lasts more than one scene is honestly a dream come true."

 

I mean I do tend to "prescreen" and make sure they'd work but...

 

Idk. I feel like I don't have the luxury of being able to develop relationships because no one cares to stick with me longer than one scene, even if it's not for shippy purposes. I'll just be doing casual/story RP and then they never talk to me again even if I was polite and kind. 

 

But that's my own personal--albeit whiny--experiences/reasons.

 

Edit: Not to say I wouldn't like a developed, unplanned thing. Hell, I would ADORE being able to go in to something blind and not expect a pairing out of it. I'm just saying I don't seem to ever have that opportunity.

[RavieRaptor]

I kinda feel ashamed of myself after reading this. I'm not going to lie, I'm a sucker for some fluff and cute romance RP, but I've had to reverse affect everyone else had.

 

The two organic relationships I had: The one died ICly without telling me ooc (They were adorable though qq), and the other cheated on my character right before their wedding.

 

I don't know why I like it so much, maybe it's cause I can't get an SO irl? I've never had a romantic relationship irl and it kinda made me look at romance novels and roleplay for it. Maybe I just want my character to be happy in my stead? 

 

You guys are more than welcome to bash me, since I have a rep for this kind of thing. 

 

((Edit: I'm the same as Xypher on this, I'm lucky I get any platonic RP to begin with. I've been trying to reach out to people for normal RP though.))

[maoilmhin]

I see attaching the expectation of romance to "Making Connections" threads as more of courtesy to people like me who don't have the background/experience to know what to expect.  Being somewhat novice to RP and on Balmung less than 5 months, "organic RP" is scary and somewhat a myth.   It is hard enough to find RP outside of the RPC Calendar events without a built RP social network.  Quick Sand is the only place I know of that I can take my character and for certain have a RP interaction.   (But Balmung Quick Sand is not the kind of establishment my character would visit ICly).

 

Having some expectations / boundaries established upfront can help reduce the tension or let the involved parties know it might be a waste of their time.   Is declaring that there might be romance involved in the plot/interaction any different than declaring that the plot/interaction might include violence?

[Momoka]

considering I am a CERTIFIED CRAZY MAGNET , I prefer to romance rp with only two people in the entire world. As such, my rp partner and I tend to preplan things, whether our characters are shipped ooc, or one was quite literally created to be the best friend of the other. Im simply not comfortable with strangers enough ooc, because I've had so many bad experiences, to rp such things with people other than Rik'var/my other friend.

[Kaiverta]

Hmm. I can see how sometimes it'd fit the purpose, like setting up a backstory, or maybe a couple just wants to stick together. Makes sense!

 

I personally try to avoid it, because it just has to be a spectacular ship for me to be on board. I am a huge fan of characters impacting one another and being a catalyst for growth. I don't think I could rp slice of life romance, not that there is anything wrong with it! 

 

What I could see working out for prearrangement may be like... One sided love! Like you make sure the person is ok with your character crushing on them, so it doesn't get weird.

 

I agree with all points here. ^^

[Aqah]

I'm in the extremely small minority of "I would like pre-planned because I barely get even platonic RP as it stands so having SOMETHING that lasts more than one scene is honestly a dream come true."

I have to back this as it is partly true of my own experience: on long-time perspective "organic" relationships between characters do not last. It may be not the deal of several scenes but nor in FFXIV, nor in other games I haven't managed to get a relationship for character that would last longer than 6 months without any OOC plan of both parties beforehand. The reasons were massive: in real life issues of RP partners, rolls of a dice screwed relationship (it sounds silly but significant and constant unluck can be harmful) or people just got bored with their characters and wanted to move on/leave game, etc.

 

So the more time goes, the more I prefer to stick with certain formula: first meetings and casual flirting are good to be on the whim of fortune, however for something more both player parties have to come up with a road-map for relationship and decide on the range of responsibilities they agree to uphold.

[Kaiverta]

I'm in the extremely small minority of "I would like pre-planned because I barely get even platonic RP as it stands so having SOMETHING that lasts more than one scene is honestly a dream come true."

I have to back this as it is partly true of my own experience: on long-time perspective "organic" relationships between characters do not last. It may be not the deal of several scenes but nor in FFXIV, nor in other games I haven't managed to get a relationship for character that would last longer than 6 months without any OOC plan of both parties beforehand. The reasons were massive: in real life issues of RP partners, rolls of a dice screwed relationship (it sounds silly but significant and constant unluck can be harmful) or people just got bored with their characters and wanted to move on/leave game, etc.

 

So the more time goes, the more I prefer to stick with certain formula: first meetings and casual flirting are good to be on the whim of fortune, however for something more both player parties have to come up with a road-map for relationship and decide on the range of responsibilities they agree to uphold.

 

I definitely agree with an OOC roadmap. My IC relationships have all fizzled out because my characters' girlfriends never put in the work. They chased my characters hard, then once they were with them, it sorta fizzled out for them and they went on to do other stuff. Some of the players got busy, of course, but not so busy that they can't be logged in or at least send a one minute message saying what's up, etc.

[Es'mena]

I can't speak for everyone, but one of the wider quoted reasons is trust. A lot of people don't want to risk jumping into writing something romantic with strangers, or others that they're not confident will maintain an IC =/= bond. 

 

Likewise, some get the comfort and/or rush from writing being in the relationship rather than getting to it. 

 

It's definitely a preference thing and I don't think it's bad either way (not meaning that anybody in here was saying such!).

[Six]

As someone whose crack is the will-they-won't-they, I couldn't really go for the predetermined romantic RP myself - but having had friends who swear by it I definitely understand the reasons why.

 

Most of them have been pretty much covered in this thread. There's a lot of people out there who're looking for an IRL romantic partner and using RP as an excuse, there's people who are very possessive when it comes to RP partners that have a romance with their character - there's a laundry list of worries that, while applicable to all RP seem to get amped up when romance is involved.

 

Not only that, but it ensures you have someone on the same footing as you for personal boundaries in RP. You're more free to explore the unpleasant aspects of relationships in your RP without worrying about your partner taking it personally or panicking - someone in this thread brought up dysfunctional relationships, and I feel like those are things that preplanning is made for. Same with nontraditional/non 'vanilla' relationships.

 

You don't really lose out on the fun of starting a relationship, either, depending on your partner. Maybe the characters go a way you weren't expecting, maybe things end up really rocky at the start. Who knows! 

 

It's not my cup of tea - but I usually have a very small circle of friends I'd be cool shipping characters with as it is. People who are brave enough to do it with acquaintances have my respect and also worry, lol.

[Kang]

While I prefer a plot to flow naturally, I can understand the appeal of pre-arrange romantic RP for those that want it. It's just like how some of us like romance novels, movies, or romantic comedies. And if you're in a situation where you know that that is what you want and intend for things to go, it's good to be clear and upfront about your priorities, rather than sitting and hoping for things to happen. Much like dating in real life.

[Kieron Lohengrin]

As a DM these days I get more of a kick out of watching my players' characters develop a relationship over time, instead of my own. It's a bit of a cheat though and counts as pre-arranged since we've already known each other IRL for years. But it's great fun putting other toons to the test in dungeons / IC situations and watching their forged-by-fire romance develop, especially if they started off as childhood friend archetypes

[SapphireSkylines]

Hmm. I can see how sometimes it'd fit the purpose, like setting up a backstory, or maybe a couple just wants to stick together. Makes sense!

 

I personally try to avoid it, because it just has to be a spectacular ship for me to be on board. I am a huge fan of characters impacting one another and being a catalyst for growth. I don't think I could rp slice of life romance, not that there is anything wrong with it! 

 

What I could see working out for prearrangement may be like... One sided love! Like you make sure the person is ok with your character crushing on them, so it doesn't get weird.

 

 

Gem x Wendy! Gem x Weeennnddyyy....!

[Kerrath]

for me my character's romance was pre-arranged because my girlfriend plays ff14. it's about that simple.

 

in any other case, though, i think organically-generated romance plots are better. in fact, i think that the less you care about your character's sexual success, the better of a romance roleplayer you have the capacity to be. the best romance roleplayers are the ones who actively find new and creative wrenches to throw in the machine.

 

i really enjoy rocky romance stories wherein one or both characters have severe personality flaws. a large part of storytelling is the investigation of the human condition and romance is an excellent vehicle for exploring the nature of a person.

[Chidori]

Personally I am a fan of letting things happen naturally. I have a SO that plays the game as well and neither of us mind each other having different partners. I had a relationship IC with another player for about 2 years. My SO still wanted to do lovey dovey on his main, so I made him a character.

 

But even though I made the character "for" him, IC interactions were to determined if the characters got together or not. First one I made? Failed so hard, but it was still fun to RP! The second one eventually worked out (good thing too cause I wasn't changing this one) But it took YEARS. I mean..I am still sitting on a bonding for those two.

 

Now? I would rather do romantic RP with a close friend or my beloved. For a few reasons. 1.) Anxiety, while it wasn't so bad when I first moved here. It is amp'ed up now. 2.) Since I have been here I have seen so much drama from bleed/bad endings. I rather just avoid it.

 

Would I still let it happen naturally, yups! If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. Sometimes two characters just don't flow well together.

[Lydia Lightfoot]

I love that my thread is still going on, a month later. :3 It seems there's a lot of interesting perspectives to be shared about the topic! 

 

<3

[Eyrisunn Bleistyrwyn]

I've always assumed when people pre-arrange on MMOs, they're looking for leads vs. trying to find a set-in-stone partner from the get go, such as would be the case in a one-on-one setting via forums or messengers. Like, they would wait until they were in game with a scene prompt in mind, initiate it, and figure out how compatible they were from there. Is this not case? It seems to me like doing it this way, there is still enough of a random factor (as long as it's not assumed that the relationship will successfully be made) that the relationship could begin organically, since it's not much more manufactured than being set up with a potential hook-up at the bar by a friend. 

 

If they are looking for a manufactured, "We're already in a relationship, now let's kith," on the first scene, then I would suspect these people are simply more comfortable in somewhat of a sandboxed one-on-one setting. Or perhaps they have issues with control (EDIT: This is a major red flag in a potential RP partner), and they find a scenario most enjoyable when it follows a loosely laid plan. Or perhaps they're just used doing family-type RPs where you typically have to find people to play your immediate family members, etc. 

 

 

I also suspect that many requests such as these are by new characters, which is different from trying to push a fully developed character into the arms of another. 'Matured' characters seeking pre-arrangements online signals to me that they're either sandboxing, or that they're perhaps trying to navigate a range of sensitivities that they're trying to avoid triggering--something that is safely done by negotiating a scene beforehand.

 

 

The assumption that it's shallow and a misdirected attempt to create a story is unfortunate; with my RL SO, pretty much the bulk of what we do with our one-one-one stories, and they're some of the most fulfilling situations I've ever had the pleasure of diving into.