Complaint/Rant/Thing: What's with all the aggression lately?

[Spethah]

u gaiz r scurry

 

 

In all seriousness for me, an outsider, you guys do scare me away from the forums. To be honest the only reason why I got on here at first was just to find an linkshell or an FC and get involved with RPing in-game. Now I just lurk around and make comments that get ignored, not that I mind it of course. I don't feel welcome. The aggression and passive aggression is what keeps me away the most out of everything. I want to ask questions, but I'm afraid it's going to turn into a giant shit storm of people angrily "debating" over something that isn't what I asked. I also feel ignored, probably along with other new folk as well, when we contribute or ask something in a thread that's almost turned into a circle jerk. 

 

You guys are probably nice people, but I just don't see it. All I see is the 2scurry5me.

[OttoVann]

K'nahli more or less hit the nail on the head, but, I figure some things bear repeating. It's easy enough to say, but, it really makes a difference if you take a second to re-read what you've wrote a few times before posting. If it's a subject that's important to you, something you're passionate about, take the time to choose your words carefully.

 

Fucking this right here. And heres the thing, a lot of people can say this and someone might casually read it over and thats that. Really read that part, because at least for me, I tend to at least marginally look over shit before I post it in my RP while im in game. This is commonly given advice, and rarely do people listen to it. You dont need to constantly read your stuff over and over again, but just at least look at it.

 

How many people here will post ridiculously snarky shit but maybe regret it, however they posted it now and its a matter of public record so they just stick with it?

 

It doesnt take much to reread a post, and if you dont change a word thats fine. Just look it over a little at least

[ShoggMommy]

u gaiz r scurry

 

 

In all seriousness for me, an outsider, you guys do scare me away from the forums. To be honest the only reason why I got on here at first was just to find an linkshell or an FC and get involved with RPing in-game. Now I just lurk around and make comments that get ignored, not that I mind it of course. I don't feel welcome. The aggression and passive aggression is what keeps me away the most out of everything. I want to ask questions, but I'm afraid it's going to turn into a giant shit storm of people angrily "debating" over something that isn't what I asked. I also feel ignored, probably along with other new folk as well, when we contribute or ask something in a thread that's almost turned into a circle jerk. 

 

You guys are probably nice people, but I just don't see it. All I see is the 2scurry5me.

 

Even as someone returning from a hiatus things are intimidating for me, so I understand. But I do see this often from people off site, even when I ran my old guild in XIV I had people say "They're so intimidating, how do you deal with it?" So I can see how new people are probably feeling even more lost and scared off by ah... Big personalities.

[Maril]

Then there's the 'fun' threads which again feel very frigid. Certain posters who are quite obviously not starved for role-play will rush in to drive the discussion towards how awesome it was that they role-played with someone they interact with frequently and this often risks leading the discussion away from new or lesser known role-players who happen to post in the same threads.

 

Perhaps it isn't intentional but it's food for thought if nothing else.

 

This. I've noticed that a lot of the nice happy-feely, let's-all-compliment-each-other threads on here are (and please excuse the crass language--there's really no better term) one big circlejerk where the OP's close friends and frequent role-play partners chime in to fawn over each other and anyone else who tries to join is brushed aside, only to be acknowledge if their own friends jump into the fray just to offer them a response. It's really off-putting for any role-players who are new, less active, or simply not a part of the clique in question.

 

Sorry but I feel this is a bit eh. Not the case? At least for me. I've posted in the compliment thread a bunch of times, and I actually mean the compliments I give out despite the fact that I have not had any interaction with the people there beyond in that very thread - with the exception of a few people. I get that it seems circlejerky, but I do believe it was created in good intention and perhaps even to serve as something fun in the midst of a lot of negativity (It reminds me a bit of this one anti-bullying experiment a school did where you have to sit in a circle and give eachother a massage, the idea being that if you do that you'll eventually not feel that someone is odd and pickonable. It's also a frequent topic on just about any forum board I've been on :3). I heavily heavily doubt that anyone is posting in that thread to be mean to others and exclude someone, and honestly if people go about not posting in it because they assume it's just for a select few people.. Well that certainly isn't going to help? It just helps create a problem that (as I see it) isn't really there. At least I can say for myself that if someone new to the thread posts I will compliment them, maybe even for jumping into it because jumping into anything new takes sometimes takes braveheart-like courage. 

 

I really appreciate the banpersonaboveme/compliment/givethepersonaboveaskill/etc threads, they're fun and not serious and shows another side to the posters. Well, and then they add to your post count, which is a motivation for some because pretty little numbers going up is something most people like.

[Dravus]

I suppose it's as simple as people not wanting to feel left out on an ongoing basis. I can sympathise with that since I'll openly admit to feeling that way myself at times. I'll see an interesting thread, post an in-depth response and then...nothing.

 

Nobody is obligated to respond, of course, but it is frustrating when there's a situation of 'X posts their latest artwork of their character and gets dozens of responses whilst Y posts their latest artwork and nobody even comments in passing.'

 

It's not always a case of jealousy either - people just like feeling like they're part of the community they're residing in.

[DeletedUser]

And those who aren't avoiding the site because of it's reputation, are not using it because when you first come here it really seems like a site for NA people only - which is obviously because my fc is an EU one and that. Heck when I came here myself I was confused about that too in the start. But that's #justeupeoplestuff. 

 

Yeah, it does a bit. I love the European Directory you've done but I didn't even know it existed for a long time. Could just be me failing to notice things as usual but that's why I jump up to link it whenever I see a new EU player post in the Welcome Desk. I don't want people to give up on Balmung because they're not aware of the EU community here.

[Dravus]

And those who aren't avoiding the site because of it's reputation, are not using it because when you first come here it really seems like a site for NA people only - which is obviously because my fc is an EU one and that. Heck when I came here myself I was confused about that too in the start. But that's #justeupeoplestuff. 

 

Yeah, it does a bit. I love the European Directory you've done but I didn't even know it existed for a long time. Could just be me failing to notice things as usual but that's why I jump up to link it whenever I see a new EU player post in the Welcome Desk. I don't want people to give up on Balmung because they're not aware of the EU community here.

 

I get the feeling there's actually a lot of European players on Balmung but many are hidden away. It makes it difficult to organise stuff - especially when it comes to raiding groups and in-depth events.

 

Not to mention the fact that quite a few European players end up adhering more to an American schedule than a European one and end up missing EU prime-time fairly frequently as a result. I'm guilty of that.

[Delilah Scythewood]

Final thought I'll add for the evening before I slip off to dream land: I think we should start listening to the new people more about the 'feeling ignored' vibe they keep getting. I know many people do and I try my best myself, but it seems to also meld in part with the toxicity/passive aggression/negative vibe already currently being addressed.

 

At first I wondered if people it was just people who weren't engaging out there enough. Then when the number of people I saw talk about it broke into the double digits it was much more of a "Hmmm" thing.

[Nebbs]

Seven pages since OP, no way I can process all that. So in general ..

 

Just be inclusive, help new folks, and embrace differance as positive.

 

Reply positively to someone you don't really know each day.

 

If you can't say anything good.. try to say nothing.

 

Give your opinion don't belittle others opinions.

 

It is really a symptom of growth and time, I have seen this happen many times. Accept we will form different tribes ... Let's just not go to war.

[Maril]

And those who aren't avoiding the site because of it's reputation, are not using it because when you first come here it really seems like a site for NA people only - which is obviously because my fc is an EU one and that. Heck when I came here myself I was confused about that too in the start. But that's #justeupeoplestuff. 

 

Yeah, it does a bit. I love the European Directory you've done but I didn't even know it existed for a long time. Could just be me failing to notice things as usual but that's why I jump up to link it whenever I see a new EU player post in the Welcome Desk. I don't want people to give up on Balmung because they're not aware of the EU community here.

 

I get the feeling there's actually a lot of European players on Balmung but many are hidden away. It makes it difficult to organise stuff - especially when it comes to raiding groups and in-depth events.

 

Not to mention the fact that quite a few European players end up adhering more to an American schedule than a European one and end up missing EU prime-time fairly frequently as a result. I'm guilty of that.

 

This is one of the reasons why I kind of liked it back when there was a front page to the site here because it made it just a little easier to twig that it was for everyone. Now it's just basically a forum page and you have to click around a bit to get a description of the RPC, which is not always great.

 

Something that's on my secret wish list for the site is to have a time-zone bit out under the avatar that people can fill in just like they can fill in their character name. I know you can click on their profiles to see local time but, it would just be a bit easier if it was visible on the posts (Especially in Making Connections) - Not just because I want to identify other EU'ers but also because when it comes to the US of A, some timezones like EST are more workable for my schedule than say, PST.

 

But you're absolutely right, there's a whole heap of EU RP'ers hiding out there. Certainly far more than just the ones hanging around in the EU linkshell.

[Dravus]

And those who aren't avoiding the site because of it's reputation, are not using it because when you first come here it really seems like a site for NA people only - which is obviously because my fc is an EU one and that. Heck when I came here myself I was confused about that too in the start. But that's #justeupeoplestuff. 

 

Yeah, it does a bit. I love the European Directory you've done but I didn't even know it existed for a long time. Could just be me failing to notice things as usual but that's why I jump up to link it whenever I see a new EU player post in the Welcome Desk. I don't want people to give up on Balmung because they're not aware of the EU community here.

 

I get the feeling there's actually a lot of European players on Balmung but many are hidden away. It makes it difficult to organise stuff - especially when it comes to raiding groups and in-depth events.

 

Not to mention the fact that quite a few European players end up adhering more to an American schedule than a European one and end up missing EU prime-time fairly frequently as a result. I'm guilty of that.

 

This is one of the reasons why I kind of liked it back when there was a front page to the site here because it made it just a little easier to twig that it was for everyone. Now it's just basically a forum page and you have to click around a bit to get a description of the RPC, which is not always great.

 

Something that's on my secret wish list for the site is to have a time-zone bit out under the avatar that people can fill in just like they can fill in their character name. I know you can click on their profiles to see local time but, it would just be a bit easier if it was visible on the posts (Especially in Making Connections) - Not just because I want to identify other EU'ers but also because when it comes to the US of A, some timezones like EST are more workable for my schedule than say, PST.

 

But you're absolutely right, there's a whole heap of EU RP'ers hiding out there. Certainly far more than just the ones hanging around in the EU linkshell.

 

That's a really great idea - definitely something worth posting in the site suggestions thread!

[DeletedUser]

I get the feeling there's actually a lot of European players on Balmung but many are hidden away. It makes it difficult to organise stuff - especially when it comes to raiding groups and in-depth events.

 

I've had several people now approach me in game because I have "EU RPer" in my search info and they wanted to know if there's an EU RP community here. I always say yes, definitely! And because we're not tied to just NA or just EU, there's usually RP going on somewhere at all hours of the day and night. That's one of the great things about Balmung. On the downside, it takes a bit of digging if you're a new EU player and want to know if there's RP going on that isn't starting at 1 am your time.

 

Something that's on my secret wish list for the site is to have a time-zone bit out under the avatar that people can fill in just like they can fill in their character name. I know you can click on their profiles to see local time but, it would just be a bit easier if it was visible on the posts (Especially in Making Connections) - Not just because I want to identify other EU'ers but also because when it comes to the US of A, some timezones like EST are more workable for my schedule than say, PST.

 

I love this idea! I will admit to stalking profiles to check out their time zone (I'm just trying to be helpful...) so I can point them in the right direction but this would make it a lot easier. I'd also like it if it was more straightforward to filter events, linkshells and FCs down to relevant time zones but I don't know if that's feasible.

[Edvyn]

THE TOXICITY

 

OF OUR CITY

 

OF OUR CIIIIIIITY

 

 

64FrYGRrKVY

 

ive seen the toxic buzzword thrown around a lot, in pretty much every rp community ive ever been in. often directed towards me. what the hell does it actually mean, though?

 

malicious? immoral? rude? contrarian? sarcastic? does toxic just mean what we want it to mean?

 

from my own experience, roleplayists are generally horrid at detecting whether someone is attacking their words or them personally. granted, the two are often intertwined, but this is not always the case.

 

summarizing a post (i.e. cutting past the unnecessary words to get straight to the point) is a useful way to figure out what's actually being said. if it really just says "what you said there was wrong", it's probably not an attack against you, and the person who said it probably doesn't hate you. they just don't think that what you said was correct, and have taken it upon themselves to tell you. 

 

i, for one, hate nobody here. even people ive said nasty or snarky things to. everyone on the RPC is fun and worthwhile in their own way. 8-)

 

if you detect hostility in someone, consider the following:

 

maybe they're having a bad day

 

maybe they've misinterpreted what you've said and gotten offended

 

maybe they're joking around

 

maybe they're just fucking with you!

 

the possibility someone genuinely doesn't like you and is out to get you is really, really slim. even among the pettiest internet dwellers, co-ordinating to run people out of a community is too much work for too little reward. even if people really hated people here, it simply wouldn't be practical to waste time with relentless personal attacks. 

 

in other words, if someone seems hostile, they're probably that way because they honestly disagree with what you're saying. just as they want to piss you off, you've probably already pissed them off. roleplayists are pretty easy to piss off, and do/say pretty stupid things when they're grumpy. this is where i think the toxicity comes from. angry roleplayists saying angry things. it's not even an attitude, they're just angry for whatever reason. can't really help people being angry about things.

 

in conclusion, i should only post when sober. thankyou for reading my rambling bullshit 8-)

[ShoggMommy]

can't really help people being angry about things.

 

Sorry I cut so much out of your reply, but I honestly did read all of it. Though I think this last bit sums up quite a bit of it. 

 

No, can't help people being angry- but there are things that can be done to curb being angry. And some of that is not to wield it as a weapon. There's a difference between being angry and taking it out on someone because 'they've had a bad day', no one should be really promoting "I've had a bad day". As honestly we all have a lot going on in our lives. This is supposed to be not stressful. Many people come to the RPC and play FFXIV to get away from a lot of it. What I'm trying to get at is; it's okay to be stressed! But don't use it as a reason to treat other's badly.

 

There's a difference between actually debating something and berating someone as well. Which I have seen. Not to say Person A or Person B is in the right or wrong. However, saying that "maybe they're just fucking around" or "they've had a bad day" kind of waters the situation down. 

 

I can't help but echo some of what the mods have said, and others too- people should probably be a little more mindful and just re-read what they're posting. I have to do that as well before I post something I'm passionate about. 

 

So in the end of it all I think it all does come down to tolerance and being more mindful on both parts. I've seen this sort of thing happen pretty heavily in guilds; and let's face it RPC isn't the biggest rp community so in a way it's like a very large guild. It's a big group of awesome nerds wanting to do awesome nerd things. There will be disagreements and debates. 

 

It's a thin gray line to tred. I've seen in guilds where "So and so is being so hostile!" and then the other party saying "Yeah well so and so is too damn sensitive!". I think in this case there will be people who will believe the above. But like all things; it has to be done in moderation. Drink too much? Man you're going to have a bad day the next morning. 

 

Same can be said about being too snarky or taking things too sensitively. 

 

In the end I think a lot of it is this; people need to realize there is a situation and figure out how to fix it. Mod team is working very hard, I commend them. But it does take members as well. So being a little less sensitive and a little less hostile will go a long way I think. 

 

Like others have said as well, it does come off very unwelcoming to new folks. And I'm a semi-old-hat here and it makes me a bit uncomfortable. So basically, okay I'm rambling now; but- its best to be mindful on both sides of the matter.

 

I hope that made sense! And I'm sorry if I may have upset anyone by saying it, it's not my intention.

[Oscare]

If 'popularity' (which to me if you go out and find RP, you'll get it. Simple equation) contests are breeding aggressio,  then thus is another example deviating from 'all aggression comes from disagreements'. 

 

Another point I'd like to bring up is tolerance, which is an important ingredient if we all want to get along (which the cold truth is that there can never be true peace, people will always find something they dislike... but this is why tolerance becomes more importan) . If you find something you don't like at all? It really just grinds your gears?

 

Accept it as an ideal and an ideal only against your values as opposed to a weapon.

 

A lot of times we feel like we're endangered by the majority. And so what if you are? You're going to sit there and argue for all the wrong reasons? 

 

Of course, if someone says something that is just blatantly wrong, then there's reason to argue, without the need to be angry.

 

 

Tolerance breeds acceptance, which breeds peace. If you're offended, think about why, then reevaluate. If you're angry over an opinion, there's no reason to. If the other party refuses to listen, stop wasting your time.

[Alothia]

Well, there is a lot of constructive discussion going on in this thread, which is pleasantly surprising as a mod. Here are some things that I've noticed that will be re-iterations of things that people have already said, but I think are good to hear nonetheless.

 

 

As someone who has been around the RPC since 1.0:

• There are cycles on the RPC. When things get stagnant in game, people tend to come here and throw a shit fit. Boredom breeds trolling and argumentative behavior.
  
• The community as a whole now seems to be less welcoming to newcomers than it used to be. Not that people don't welcome the new people, but there is a lot of times where new people or people who don't appear to be in the "popular" crowd get glossed over in discussions or threads.
  
• Even I feel ignored here sometimes. I know I'm not a part of the popular crowd, but hells, I'm a moderator and still somewhat known around these parts. Imagine how someone who isn't either feels.
  
• As much as people don't like Graeham saying it, we HAVE become a circlejerk. I've said it myself, even though I try to insert myself into those threads when I can.
  

As a Moderator:

• I've noticed that there are a LOT more tensions in the threads.
  
• People disregard the rule of re-reading what they're writing before posting. Instead, they post blindly in the moment, and it causes hurt feelings.
  
• People have this "our way or the highway" mentality, and instead of ignoring the things that people do that they don't "like," they tend to try to change those people or insist that they're "wrong."
  
• There's an undercurrent of "Why are the moderators doing/not doing _______" going around.
  

Here's suggestions as to what we as a community can do to change this:

• Take time to go into the welcome forum and say hello to new people. Even that is something that doesn't take much time and shows that we are a welcoming community (Hey, I have to work on this too.)
  
• Remember that there are people behind the computers. We're all human. We all have triggers and feelings and whatnot. I understand that you are passionate about your RP. But that doesn't mean that you can be a douche to other people.
  
• The Moderation team is working on a list of rules and consequences so that moderation is more consistent and transparent. Look for that soon.
  
• Realize that you don't have to agree with everyone. You don't have to berate someone for something that they believe differently. Not only do we have RP differences, but we have cultural and social differences as well.
  
• Reach out to people who are looking for RP and connections. An invite to your FC is great, but people need to know that they can RP with you without being a part of your FC. Don't just recruit. Be someone who is encouraging to others.
  
• For the love of all that is holy, take a step back from the computer if you are agitated. Don't post with high emotions. Come back and post later once your head has cleared.
  

I think that this thread is fantastic, and I thank all of you for at least trying to solve some of the problems that we see around here. The RPC is only as good as the community using it, and I think that we have the potential to make this a place that is used by more people and lauded for our ability to help guide and welcome new RPers.

 

That's all I had to say. Carry on.

[No Longer Exists]

*Yawns, peeking out from under the hat again*

 

Tis morning, so I greet you all with fresh eyes and a sluggish mind. Let's see if I can keep the word count down this time. (I failed, you've been warned.)

 

I see a lot of "Don't take it personally" statements and that is sadly not good enough. We are complex organisms with an even more complex emotional system embedded in our brains, we will take things personally for a thousand reasons that seem like sheer poppycock (love that word) to others around us. The variable is in the word-spew. Some, like myself, generally do not release the kraken from our minds and find personal ways to resolve whatever is making us feel salty. Others look to outside sources. However, just like none of us have the capacity to control the weather, we cannot control the emotional responses of others.

 

Unless you develop superpowers.

 

So really, statements like "People need thicker skin" and "Don't take it personally" are wasted words. -I- think that better statements would be "People SHOULD take a step back from any altercation and think it through before posting" and "Be respectfully open to the opinions and feelings of others". That's just me. I'm a hat.

 

NEXT!

 

I feel the desire to point out that buzzwords like "toxic" actually damage these conversations. Psychologically, the colors red and green trigger stimuli in our minds that tell us human critters that we're hungry. Neat, right? This happens with words too and more often than not, it is the lynchpin in the lynch mob. Group mentality feeds on buzzwords to take a "temperature" of a situation. So I'd like to suggest that while we discuss the state of affairs here in our beloved forum, we do our utmost to avoid buzzwords. I know, I know. tl;dr. But give it a try, watch the perceived tone of the conversation change.

 

NEXT!!

 

I adore all your little voices (Buzzword, see what I did there? I bet some of you went "Little? .....prick") but in reality, we're all little voices in a large room. Consider that analogy and some of the perceived concerns about cliques might become clear. Some little voices are heard by more, some little voices are drowned out. This is normal, this is natural. Everyone cannot be heard all the time, all we can do is try to listen more acutely.

 

NEXT!!!

 

While the compliment thread and silly threads are cute and funny, they are not team-building or community inspiring. They're like 80 pages long (I may be exaggerating) and when you tl;dr something that long, you skim for points. When skimming reveals six to seven of the same names in a revolving blur over and over and over and over again, a theory is born out of perception. Is anyone at fault? No. Perhaps it might be time to excise the super-old pages? I dunno. I don't post in them because I personally do not feel that they add anything to my experience.

 

NEXT!!!!

 

This is a two-parter about participation. Bear with me.

 

First, I took time and effort to write two fantastically absurd tales about Captain Seishuku and post them to the forum RP section. I labeled it "Open". No one engaged the thread. How did that make me feel? Pretty damn shitty. I was hurt, because I went into it thinking "This should be great for a lark, it's funny, it's absurd, and it'll get my crazy character out there." and I walked out of it going "....what a waste of time. Maybe no one likes my character concept." So I poked around the town hall for other thread RP to get into and as indicated in the above section, I found gobs of long threads that either were labeled "closed" or had weird time period lengths like two months between posts. So I stopped looking at Town Hall. I gave up.

 

Second, I spent at least a month wandering around RP events trying to engage people in RP. With the exception of the one Grindstone event I threw the Captain into, I walked away from that experience thinking "Maybe, it IS my character." And frankly, Warren was the only one at the Grindstone that actually gave the Captain the time of day, Gods bless him. The Arbiter, busy doing event moderation, took time to chat, answer questions, and joke a little bit.

 

Second, part two. I've had Zealous Oak at three Grindstones so far, that's the only RP event other than the masquerade ball that Oak's been in and the masquerade ball was so delightfully cliquey that it actually felt like High School. (High School was 20 years ago for me, people. Just a point of reference.) So much so that I laughed at my screen and spent the next hour participating in the moogle circle instead. The Grindstone, Oak's been part of the healer platoon which allows for sporadic, brief moments of RP between duels. What's most notable about these events though? The first grindstone, Oak was treated like a medbot. HEAL HIM. HEAL HER. OKAY, GO TO YOUR NEXT MATCH, PEOPLE. Which was entertaining, but made me feel less like an RPer and more like a utility. The second Grindstone, some of the healers talked a little bit about their skills and I got to illustrate Oak's devotion to the mythos of Conjury. YAY ME. That felt good. The third Grindstone, Vahl'Sae (Sorry if I butcher the name) actually stopped and complimented Oak's new robe. Awesome! Later, he had a few brief conversations with combatants and took some time out to further heal one's wounds before the next round started. 

 

You might be wondering why I'm rambling on about this? Well, I'm illustrating to everyone that involvement isn't instantaneous, it takes time and effort. Unless you're flamboyant like Reddard (Yes, Kudos for being amazingly outlandish), PLEASE be patient and stay involved. 

 

Cheers!

 

-Black Hat

[Aoi Fukiku]

NEXT!!!

 

While the compliment thread and silly threads are cute and funny, they are not team-building or community inspiring. They're like 80 pages long (I may be exaggerating) and when you tl;dr something that long, you skim for points. When skimming reveals six to seven of the same names in a revolving blur over and over and over and over again, a theory is born out of perception. Is anyone at fault? No. Perhaps it might be time to excise the super-old pages? I dunno. I don't post in them because I personally do not feel that they add anything to my experience.

 

I wanted to post towards this just because I know I am one of the major people who post/spam the Compliment/Ban the person above you thread.

 

I don't want anyone to think such threads are there to add post count. In truth, they are there for me to entertain myself during slow hours at work. I sit and read the forums often but, some posts (which this thread has been about) keep me from posting responses.

 

*rolls off to work now*

[No Longer Exists]

NEXT!!!

 

While the compliment thread and silly threads are cute and funny, they are not team-building or community inspiring. They're like 80 pages long (I may be exaggerating) and when you tl;dr something that long, you skim for points. When skimming reveals six to seven of the same names in a revolving blur over and over and over and over again, a theory is born out of perception. Is anyone at fault? No. Perhaps it might be time to excise the super-old pages? I dunno. I don't post in them because I personally do not feel that they add anything to my experience.

 

I wanted to post towards this just because I know I am one of the major people who post/spam the Compliment/Ban the person above you thread.

 

I don't want anyone to think such threads are there to add post count. In truth, they are there for me to entertain myself during slow hours at work. I sit and read the forums often but, some posts (which this thread has been about) keep me from posting responses.

 

*rolls off to work now*

 

This part was more in reference to the concern over "popularity" and "cliques", it's no one's fault. Some of us loiter on the forum for fun and we DO generate a high post-count, especially those who participate in these playful convo threads. It -does- create a perception that there are cliques involved though, which lends credence to certain concerns in earlier pages. 

 

I'm not saying you should stop. I have no solution to that particular issue. I only mention it because I too made that assumption at first glance.

[Kellach Woods]

Kellach, I would recommend reavaluating some of your words on occasion. I'm unsure of your intent, but many can come off quite harsh and bitter, which does affect whether people may want to reach out. A positive attitude (or at least the lack of a negative one) can do wonders. It's not the fault of a well-established RPer to not reach out. Nobody is stopping you from reaching out yourself (whether in game or here). Not everything character will be a perfect fit. But calling it a failed attempt before trying just seems overly pessimistic.

 

I was mostly reacting to the fact that when I think about it this forum has zero purpose for me as it currently stands. My RP I get through the game and I experience through the game. I use the wiki/IC forums for supplemental material. If people want to use these exclusively for RP that's fine. 

 

Said it before in previous threads - I get RP. People are interested in the character when they see him - it helps that he looks different from the usual fare and I like to consider myself somewhat decent at RPing that I can keep interest going. However, if there's no in, there's no in. Those who've RPed with me will attest that what I consider an "in" really isn't much. 

 

As far as reaching out is concerned, I don't see the point in PMing people and essentially guilt-tripping them over reading my stuff. To me, if I didn't catch the eye of people with thread title/thing, I failed at being interesting first and foremost. If it's something that's specifically targeted at someone I do try to at least communicate to them but I don't go out of my way to write such pieces so yeah.

 

Also, Oscare, bruh, you know tolerance doesn't breed acceptance. When you have tolerance you still hate them, you just tolerate their existence but you'd rather they not be here.

 

Also, Black Hat, I have a ridiculously high post count compared to many others. I dare say few would accuse me of being in a clique.

 

* * *

 

To stay on topic - It's more how the RP Discussion forums and the FFXIV Discussion forums became completely useless over time because you can't get good info there anymore, or a good discussion going, without snark or dismissive thoughts.

 

In so far as re-reading and re-writing posts go, you have no idea how much I re-wrote that post to try and be as emotional as possible without snarking up the joint. I don't believe in emotionless posting, it serves no purpose because it just makes the text harder to read unless you're communicating information strictly. If I'm angry you deserve to know I'm angry. People can, however, control their words. You don't deserve to be called names or have negative stuff implied.

 

When I said my most appreciated posts were essentially shitposting I wasn't lying - I looked over my rep history and went "wait people +1d me for THAT?", especially lately.

 

Anyhoo - mod team said they were gonna be stricter on stuff and sadly it's actually necessary this time around.

[Cest]

Though I've not posted much here on the RPC I have lingered around for the better part of a year. I have witnessed several shifts in the way people have reacted to each other in that time. So here are my personal views.

 

I've moderated for a few RP communities in the past and have seen firsthand just how aggressive players can get towards each other, this tends to derive from poor communication or people simply forgetting that real people are beyond the computer screen.

 

The issue as a whole has no quick fix, instead people need to try and become more respectful towards one another. It is fine if you dislike something, or even talk about it! But trying to force your views down that persons throat to get your point across? That isn't civil. Remember that many play the game and RP for enjoyment, they come to the RPC in hopes to perhaps meet new people to continue to enjoy the game with, don't take that away from them by scaring them off.

 

This applies to both new and old players of the community, I've enjoyed watching this community grow and I really feel like it can go in a better direction if people try.

[Kaniko Niko]

Admittedly, I skimmed maybe the first five pages of posts before the overwhelming urge to jam my two cents into the quarters slot took hold.

 

I'm in the "People are outraged for the sake of validation" camp. I've yet to see this perceived toxicity. Or these ultraexclusive roleplaying cliques. I've been on Balmung for two months now without a Free Company and very little presence outside of my fondness for silly hats. I've been approached by members of several roleplay groups during server-wide events—the most recent being the Guided Tour of Upper La Noscea. I made a post saying I was interested in it a few weeks ago and Nailah found me in game and sent me a reminder message out of the blue the day of. I'd have missed a wonderful event otherwise. In that same event, I had to AFK at the end of it and when I came back, I was immediately invited to a group of people who were still RPing at the hotsprings.

 

Speaking of: I apologize to you guys if you're reading this. Unfortunately I got a little busy-busy.

 

Also unfortunate, but I'm going to actually have get a little on the toxic side. However, I do not apologize because I feel this is the proper thread in which to bring this up:

 

The many of you who oftentimes complain of exclusivity and being ignored need to start spending your stat points in Patience. There aren't many personality flaws that dig at me. Betraying your own ideals. Constantly selling yourself short. The big one? Entitlement. I cannot begin to stress just how much the passive-aggressive sighing, that "Everyone's ignoring me" shtick, gets under my skin. As if you're the Yellow Emperor whose needs need to be met for civilization to continue. Honestly, if there's any toxicity in this group, this... culture, whatever it is you wish to call our community it's the negativity that's radiating from those who feel wronged when they don't get what they want right now and place the blame on the community itself for not fulfilling their needs.

 

And to me, those people stick out like sore thumbs because I find this community positively wonderful.

[ShoggMommy]

If I'm angry you deserve to know I'm angry. People can, however, control their words. You don't deserve to be called names or have negative stuff implied.

 

When I said my most appreciated posts were essentially shitposting I wasn't lying - I looked over my rep history and went "wait people +1d me for THAT?", especially lately.

 

This is something I whole heartedly agree with, we do control what we say. I'm really hoping that things do return to some sort of normalcy where threads aren't derailed into angry topics-r-us.

 

Edit (not related to Kellach): And just to say, I'm personally not looking for validity of RP or whatever have you. People can rp with whomever they want. It's not even a 'hey I don't feel like I'm getting enough rp'. (I'm actually really busy right now personally with end of semesters finals coming up so I don't have time to properly rp.) I'm personally not even looking at this as an RP point of view. It's just... overall negativity that's around; as to where it roots from, it's not a specific person or even a specific group of persons- I'm not really certain. I'm sorry, I hope that makes sense? It might not I should get some sleep- been binging on a tvshow. Hah...

 

I just wanted to say though, as you brought up the +1's. I personally just +1's when I agree with something within the post. It's not necessarily something that is like a pat-on-the-back for me. It's rather things I feel agreement with and it's a bit easier for me to just say "Hey s/he's said something that has resonated with me" rather than going into the thread and posting. A lot of that is probably my fault for not being more vocal, but I've been trying very hard to involve myself again with communities after a situation in another game happened; where an individual did not come to me over a topic and later they found out that they miscommunicated. But I am working on trying to be more involved than just another "like".

 

[Alothia]

I cannot begin to stress just how much the passive-aggressive sighing, that "Everyone's ignoring me" shtick, gets under my skin. As if you're the Yellow Emperor whose needs need to be met for civilization to continue. Honestly, if there's any toxicity in this group, this... culture, whatever it is you wish to call our community it's the negativity that's radiating from those who feel wronged when they don't get what they want right now and place the blame on the community itself for not fulfilling their needs.

 

The problem is when people who are new or trying to drum up connections in the connections forum get passed over. Or when new people say hello, and people ignore their threads. It's not even a matter of those people saying that they're being ignored. It's a general sense of seeing that they're being ignored.

 

Trust me, I'm an advocate for people getting out there and finding RP, starting it up with people randomly. It's how I met some of the best friends I have in this game. It's how I met my current RP partner. 

 

But pretending like it's not happening is just as bad as people who don't advocate for themselves. It does happen. You may not have experienced it, but it doesn't lessen the fact that it does happen to other people.

 

It reminds me of a camp that I went to for the school I teach at. It was a diversity camp thingy, and one of the things that they taught us was that "We are the owner of our own story." We cannot invalidate someone else's experience simply because it's an experience that we have never had. Count yourself lucky that you don't feel that way, and make a point of ensuring that others don't have that experience. That's how we're going to fix it. Not by telling people that it's their own fault for feeling ignored.

[Dravus]

The many of you who oftentimes complain of exclusivity and being ignored need to start spending your stat points in Patience. There aren't many personality flaws that dig at me. Betraying your own ideals. Constantly selling yourself short. The big one? Entitlement. I cannot begin to stress just how much the passive-aggressive sighing, that "Everyone's ignoring me" shtick, gets under my skin. As if you're the Yellow Emperor whose needs need to be met for civilization to continue. Honestly, if there's any toxicity in this group, this... culture, whatever it is you wish to call our community it's the negativity that's radiating from those who feel wronged when they don't get what they want right now and place the blame on the community itself for not fulfilling their needs.

 

And to me, those people stick out like sore thumbs because I find this community positively wonderful.

 

To be fair there's plenty of people are putting time and effort into finding role-play and they're still struggling to find it through no fault of their own. You can't expect people to be patient forever.

 

I think it's unfair for people to brush off the concerns raised so readily. It's great that you have found a steady supply of role-play but what you experience isn't the same as what everybody else experiences.

 

I also don't think it's a matter of 'entitlement' (can we even use that term to describe people who want role-play on an unofficial role-playing realm?) as much as it's a matter of frustration. Not everybody is keen on attending bustling events either - especially if they're more in favour of something much more personal and character driven.