Advertisement: BRONCO GREASE!

[Wymsical]

Coming across the advertisements was no accident and Ashmira went straight to the place so aptly named: Dubious Distributions. Or was it Dubious Deliveries? She had been, admittedly, somewhat distracted when she heard it. But she didn't even reach halfway there when she saw a stand heaped with publications, two different advertisements staring out in garish, partially unclad glory. Plucking up both, she regarded them with a careful eye, first inspecting how the primping and preening she had performed on both female models had resulted. Jana looked much improved considering how very dismal the poor Miqo'te had seemed about her impromptu drafting. And Edda... well.

 

She held both to the light for a better look, luminous eyes flicking between them but finally settling on the latter, setting the first down carefully so she would not crinkle it for others. She gingerly folded up the ad bearing fireworks and a red bikini, tucking it into her satchel. This one, she meant to keep. A sly grin toyed at her lips as she patted the pocket where it had been stowed.

[Zac Evans]

[align=center]Red. Redder than red. Red as Dalamud during the Calamity.[/align]

 

[align=center]It was the only way to describe Zac's entire body as he stared at the form of a highly familiar Highlander woman, clad in armor highly similar to his own. His eyes roamed the page slowly, breath shallow. He leaned back on his barrack bed, unable to look away. The heat coming from his body should've been enough to set flame to the cloth covers! [/align]

 

[align=center]'No...it couldn't be. Could it?'  he thought to himself.  'No. NO! Crofte isn't that type of woman.'[/align]

 

 

[align=center]But she WAS a woman none the less...[/align]

 

 

[align=center]"Evans! Are you decent?" Came Raging Behemoth's room shaking shout, causing Zac to scream in horror as he threw the magazine clear out the nearby window!!![/align]

[Dat Oni]

Edgar peers up from the advertisement in his morning paper, within the confines of the Missing Member.

 

"...By gods. The madness never stops, does it?"

[Coatleque]

Even as far north as Dragonhead it seemed that Dubious Distributions was making headway to the markets. Coatleque had been staying at the inn and was greeted almost daily down by the kitchens to another poster advertisement. Thankfully she was far enough away from Thanalan that nobody had recognized her. The thick, drab colored robes she wore may have helped with that.

 

A hand rubbed the side of her face as she scanned from one ad to another, recognizing each 'model' in turn. "Oh... Miss Llorn, what have you done?", she muttered quietly to herself. At least her personal shame had now been lessened.

[Edda]

For all its quiet and peaceful air, Fallgourd Float was by no means a far removed hamlet. With the sudden opening of Ishgard's gates, the town now saw more people passing through its gates than ever before. Even still, it was not uncommon for mail to arrive several suns late - whether through negligence of the Moogles, or some unclear force that plagued the Northern Shroud.

 

It was a cloudy morning when Edda received two letters in the mail, both enclosed with her family seal. She frowned as she took them up to her room. Her more recent trip to Vylbrand had been tiring, ending with a rather strange encounter with Spahro Llorn, whom she had not seen in over half a cycle. Edda opening the first of the letter. Enclosed was a small note, and a neatly folded copy of the advertisement Spahro had mentioned. She squinted at it. The fireworks enhanced the advertisement indeed, but only seven gil? A questionable amount. Edda looked to the note, filled with the gentle script of her mother's hand.

 

Dearest Daughter,

 

While I have little concern with what you do in your spare time so long as you remain safe, your most recent adventure has made the rounds with the staff, before unceremoniously falling into my lap. I have sent you a copy in case you yourself have not seen it. I have been working tirelessly to keep the newest Lantern out of Ennis' hands, though moreso your father. However, it is only a matter of time before he discovers it - you know how he is. At the very least he will be pleased that the flavor associated with you is being sold at a higher price, but I cannot promise much more than that. Consider this letter your fair warning in advance. Good luck!

 

-Marian Eglantine

 

Grateful that her mother at least had the care to let her know, Edda opened the next letter. Inside was the very same advertisement her mother had sent, but in notably worse condition, as if it had been crumpled in an angry fist. The small note read:

 

Explain this.

 

-E

[Sig]

A note penned in simple hand had been stuck to the bottom of the flyer:

 

"Amateurs.  Let me offer a kindness.  In the vintner trade, we usually segregate the weakest cultivars at the end of the season.  We crush those sh---- grapes in a single press, and then slap a pretty label on the bottle, usually hand-drawn.  We market it as an "exciting new red blend."  It sells like wildfire. 

 

Now let me offer you the kindness and the secret behind any s----- red blend, no matter how its marketed - you need to water the actual product down.  That's the real secret - no one can taste or detect the difference, I assure you.  Give it a shot, and you'll watch the margin claw up.  At 5 gil, you're probably sucking in around 1-2 gil a pop.  I know street urchin who reap better margins.  If you're already doing it, put more water in the mixture.  

 

You owe me a glass of wine sometime, friends.  And make sure it's not watered down.  I'll know the difference. 

 

- Sigurd Sund-ste-i-gen."

 

Sig huffed under his breath, blowing a few strands of blond hair off his brow, fingertips affixing the note to the flyer, and then scooping the hair back behind his ears.  Amateurs were almost annoying as bangs.

[GloryRhodes]

[align=center][/align]

[align=center]BRONCO GREASE![/align]

[align=center]WORK WITHOUT REST![/align]

[align=center]FINISH THAT PROJECT![/align]

[align=center]STAY UP ALL NIGHT LONG![/align]

[align=center]ON SALE AT THE GRINDSTONE![/align]

[align=center]5 GIL A BOTTLE![/align]

 

 

[align=center]Dubious Distributions is not responsible for any adverse physical, mental or aetherial effects caused by consumption of Bronco Grease Energy Tonic.  Questions as to the ingredients of Bronco Grease will be met with rhetoric and evasiveness.  Drink at your own risk.

[/align]

[Oscare]

Oscare walks on by the usual wooden post of media, wondering whatever was up no -- wait.

 

After some shuffling under old newpaper clippings, the corner of a darkly colored poster caught his attention. And of course, there's another recognizable blonde. This time it was at least someone he expected to be up there.

 

"Miss Cliodhna Eoghan, yeah?" He rips off the poster, examining it from all angles. "Definitely less surprising than Edda. But I wonder where the heck these gals take their photos from." He mused aloud before reading the clearly bold print disclaimer at the bottom. "Oh," a disappointed tone rolled off his tongue.

 

He folds the poster and stashes it in his belt satchel with the others he so weirdly kept on him. There was something seriously wrong with this guy. He trots on away as if there was nothing wrong at all.

[GloryRhodes]

[align=center]FRESH FROM THE FRONT![/align]

[align=center]INSPIRED BY THE FIGHTING MEN AND WOMEN OF THE IMMORTAL FLAMES![/align]

[align=center]BRONCO FLAME![/align]

[align=center]

[/align]

[align=center]BEAT THE HEAT![/align]

[align=center]BEAT THE GARLEANS![/align]

[align=center]BEAT WHOEVER YOU WANT![/align]

[align=center]ON SALE AT THE GRINDSTONE![/align]

[align=center]7 GIL A BOTTLE![/align]

 

 

[align=center]Dubious Distributions is not responsible for any adverse physical, mental or aetherial effects caused by consumption of Bronco Grease Energy Tonic.  Questions as to the ingredients of Bronco Grease will be met with rhetoric and evasiveness.  Drink at your own risk.

[/align]

[Star Lin]

Kestlona open the paper, scanning through the news.  "Hm, not interested...oh, his job down the drain...Captain Mynhier in a leather throng..."  She pause, went back to the add, felt her face flush at the site of her Captain in all of his Highlander glory.  "Cliodhna...what did you use to talk him into that..."

 

****

Sam chuckle as he stares at the adds that were on the board.  "Oh this is great.  He is so going to get rib by all of the Flames.  John, you have to see this."

 

John frown, looking up from the latest notes he was working on.  "Sam, I'm busy," the miqo'te said.  He blink as he makes out several posters on the board.  Sitting his quill down, he comes over, and his face flushes as he sees for Cliodhna.  He swallows hard, thinking how good she looks...to Erik in that outfit.  He began to breath heavily, the robes making him feel far too warm.  He look...really good and his mind wonder what Howl would look like in that...outfit.  His young mind painted a very 'good' picture for him and blood began to trickle from his nose.  Blood rush from his head, the room spun, and he hit the floor, wearing a dopey grin on his face.

 

"Oi, John, you alright kid."  Sam chuckle again.  "Geeze, what are we going to do with you."

[Melodia]

Melodia put her journal away and stood up to head out of the bar until she stopped in her tracks, the newspaper catching her eye. Well...not the paper itself. It was the ad. She picked the clipping up and read it.

 

Over and over.

 

She pulled her journal out and considered for a moment, wondering.

 

"Did I use this stuff?" Noting the fine print she gasped and folded the ad, slipping it into the journal she looked concerned.

 

"Did th' Bronco Grease cause me ailment?!"

[Cliodhna Eoghan]

Cliodhna smirked, nose crinkling ever so slightly as she did so. Scanning the posters on the board down Sapphire Avenue was always interesting but this held more of a personal interest. After checking that there was a couple more around with the same images, she grabbed a small screwdriver and pried the nails out of the posters. There was only two and it seemed a shame to tear the image any more then the nails already damaged. "Then again, I probably could have just asked for a copy..." Murmurs to herself shrugging as she rolled both up. One would go in the hanger and the other, she was framing and putting on Erik's desk.

[Steel Wolf]

Steel paused her walk through the streets of Ul'dah, staring absolutely agape at the poster. At the musculature. The form. The....curves...of things.

 

She blinked slowly, then sighed out of her nose.

 

Great, now I'll never be able to look the Ser in the eye. Or anywhere else, for that matter...

[GloryRhodes]

[align=center]NEW FROM DUBIOUS DISTRIBUTIONS[/align]

[align=center]BRONCO ICE[/align]

[align=center][/align]

[align=center]DRINK BRONCO![/align]

[align=center]KILL A DRAGON![/align]

[align=center]ON SALE AT THE GRINDSTONE[/align]

[align=center]10 GIL A BOTTLE[/align]

[align=center]A PORTION OF THE PROCEEDS GO TO SUPPORT OUR BRAVE FRIENDS IN ISHGARD IN THE DRAGONSONG WAR[/align]

 

 

[align=center]Dubious Distributions is not responsible for any adverse physical, mental or aetherial effects caused by consumption of Bronco Grease Energy Tonic.  Questions as to the ingredients of Bronco Grease will be met with rhetoric and evasiveness.  Drink at your own risk.

[/align]

[Jariana]

Jariana strode brusquely along the dusty stones of the Emerald Avenue, her tail twitching angrily.

 

"Godsdamned pompous ass of a client!" she muttered under her breath. "Demanding to see me in full armor in this Twelve-cursed sun and then turning me away because I'm too Godsdamned short!"

 

The well armed, but diminutive Miqo'te growled as she turned onto the Ruby Road. As she marched toward the airship landing lift she continued her rant, "But it was 'urgent' they said. A matter of 'life and death'. Halone's icy tits! Over-privileged, soul-sucking, f..."

 

The Keeper paused as her plated foot came down on a scrap of parchment that had been fluttering about on the road. She tilted her head as she peered down at it, the irritation in her face melting into a wide smirking grin.

 

"Twelve be good! Is that who I think it is?" Kneeling down to pick up the scrap, Jari burst into loud laughter, drawing the stares of some nearby passersby.

 

"V'aleera Lhuil... That is definitely a side of you I never expected to see. Not that I'm complaining..."

[GloryRhodes]

[align=center]Dubious Distributions Presents[/align]

[align=center]A New Sensation[/align]

[align=center]

[/align]

[align=center]Not Every Warrior Fights[/align]

[align=center]On the Battlefield[/align]

[align=center]Energy when you need it[/align]

[align=center]Energy for what you need it for[/align]

[align=center]BRONCO TEMPTATION[/align]

[align=center]Passion in a bottle[/align]

[align=center]6 GIL[/align]

[align=center]ON SALE AT DATE AUCTIONS[/align]

 

 

[align=center]Dubious Distributions is not responsible for any adverse physical, mental or aetherial effects caused by consumption of Bronco Grease Energy Tonic.  Questions as to the ingredients of Bronco Grease will be met with rhetoric and evasiveness.  Drink at your own risk.

[/align]

[Melodia]

[align=center]Dubious Distributions Presents[/align]

[align=center]A New Sensation[/align]

[align=center]

[/align]

[align=center]Not Every Warrior Fights[/align]

[align=center]On the Battlefield[/align]

[align=center]Energy when you need it[/align]

[align=center]Energy for what you need it for[/align]

[align=center]BRONCO TEMPTATION[/align]

[align=center]Passion in a bottle[/align]

[align=center]6 GIL[/align]

[align=center]ON SALE AT DATE AUCTIONS[/align]

 

 

[align=center]Dubious Distributions is not responsible for any adverse physical, mental or aetherial effects caused by consumption of Bronco Grease Energy Tonic.  Questions as to the ingredients of Bronco Grease will be met with rhetoric and evasiveness.  Drink at your own risk.

[/align]

 

 

LOL. *Looks at ad* THIS is the one I should have replied to yesterday.

[Desu Nee]

[align=center]Dubious Distributions Presents[/align]

[align=center]A New Sensation[/align]

[align=center]

[/align]

[align=center]Not Every Warrior Fights[/align]

[align=center]On the Battlefield[/align]

[align=center]Energy when you need it[/align]

[align=center]Energy for what you need it for[/align]

[align=center]BRONCO TEMPTATION[/align]

[align=center]Passion in a bottle[/align]

[align=center]6 GIL[/align]

[align=center]ON SALE AT DATE AUCTIONS[/align]

 

 

[align=center]Dubious Distributions is not responsible for any adverse physical, mental or aetherial effects caused by consumption of Bronco Grease Energy Tonic.  Questions as to the ingredients of Bronco Grease will be met with rhetoric and evasiveness.  Drink at your own risk.

[/align]

 

Ququki simply holds it in disbelief...however is doing this Bronco must have one of the smoothest tongues in the realm. Dare she say the world itself.

 

"Well...there was a line to be crossed, and they went throught blazing. I'm just curious who's next!"

 

She then returns to her daily activities.

[Faye]

[align=center]Dubious Distributions Presents[/align]

[align=center]A New Sensation[/align]

[align=center]

[/align]

[align=center]Not Every Warrior Fights[/align]

[align=center]On the Battlefield[/align]

[align=center]Energy when you need it[/align]

[align=center]Energy for what you need it for[/align]

[align=center]BRONCO TEMPTATION[/align]

[align=center]Passion in a bottle[/align]

[align=center]6 GIL[/align]

[align=center]ON SALE AT DATE AUCTIONS[/align]

 

 

[align=center]Dubious Distributions is not responsible for any adverse physical, mental or aetherial effects caused by consumption of Bronco Grease Energy Tonic.  Questions as to the ingredients of Bronco Grease will be met with rhetoric and evasiveness.  Drink at your own risk.

[/align]

 

Faye stood before the poster of herself, studying it quite intently if the unwavering stare she gave it was any indication, chin rested thoughtfully between her thumb and index finger, blue eyes narrowed scrutinizingly. After a long stretch of silence, she finally spoke her verdict, "It's a blessing, for once, that Val cannot read well. He should be quite fond of the photo, at least. Perhaps too fond."

[Telluride]

The bard stopped at the alleyway's exit, his vision tempted by another... vision. Well, a poster, but now we're being silly.

 

"So, the different flavors are at different prices... and each flavor has a different cost... all right then. So, why is Cliodhna at five gil, and the Sultansworn at five gil, but Faye is at six? Is there some sort of inflation involved?" He stared harder at the poster, as the thought rolled around his head, storing a joke about Inflation for later use.

[Arrelaine]

(( These ads are hilarious! love them! ))

[Val]

[align=center]Dubious Distributions Presents[/align]

[align=center]A New Sensation[/align]

[align=center]

[/align]

[align=center]Not Every Warrior Fights[/align]

[align=center]On the Battlefield[/align]

[align=center]Energy when you need it[/align]

[align=center]Energy for what you need it for[/align]

[align=center]BRONCO TEMPTATION[/align]

[align=center]Passion in a bottle[/align]

[align=center]6 GIL[/align]

[align=center]ON SALE AT DATE AUCTIONS[/align]

 

 

[align=center]Dubious Distributions is not responsible for any adverse physical, mental or aetherial effects caused by consumption of Bronco Grease Energy Tonic.  Questions as to the ingredients of Bronco Grease will be met with rhetoric and evasiveness.  Drink at your own risk.

[/align]

 

 

Val stood before the advertisement, his mismatched eyes trailing over the all-too familiar form of the woman on display. While he wasn't quite sure what the strange combination of letters meant, he was more than aware of the picture: she was hot, and she was all his. Judging by the pleased grin on his lips, it seemed as if the Seeker had never been more proud of a conquest.

 

"Nnngh.. Godsdamn, Princess. Lookin' good," he commented, perhaps a bit louder than he'd initially expected to.

 

"Yer damn right. I'd let her ride my bronco anytime!" a nearby man replied, eyeing the woman over.

 

"Eh? Idunno what 'er looks have t'do wi' ridin' broncos," Val replied. Before the man had a chance to respond, another quipped in.

 

"Yeah, I'd give it to 'er hard!"

 

A few others commented in the same lewd manner, apparently friends. It only took Val a few moments to piece the puzzle together and realize what they meant and what the poster must have said. 

 

Those that know Val also know that his temper can be relatively short, especially when it came to his betrothed. Immediately enraged, the Seeker flung himself at the closest offender with both a right hook and a string of rather colorful insults to precede it.

 

Shortly after, he was detained for charges of assault.

[Volk]

[align=center]NEW FROM DUBIOUS DISTRIBUTIONS[/align]

[align=center]BRONCO ICE[/align]

[align=center][/align]

[align=center]DRINK BRONCO![/align]

[align=center]KILL A DRAGON![/align]

[align=center]ON SALE AT THE GRINDSTONE[/align]

[align=center]10 GIL A BOTTLE[/align]

[align=center]A PORTION OF THE PROCEEDS GO TO SUPPORT OUR BRAVE FRIENDS IN ISHGARD IN THE DRAGONSONG WAR[/align]

 

 

[align=center]Dubious Distributions is not responsible for any adverse physical, mental or aetherial effects caused by consumption of Bronco Grease Energy Tonic.  Questions as to the ingredients of Bronco Grease will be met with rhetoric and evasiveness.  Drink at your own risk.

[/align]

 

Mirthful and boisterous conversation resounded throughout the stone walls of an icy barracks in the Coerthas highlands. As the assembly of intermingled hyur and elezen soldiers traded a slip of print from one set of hands to the next, the hearty cheers seemed to amplify.

 

Ameline sat up from her cot, rubbing at her back as the noise woke her from a restless sleep. As she wiped at her eyes, a young hyur soldier beckoned her over: "Valtin, come! Have you seen this?"

 

He extended the advert to Ameline to examine. Without taking it, Ameline looked on the photograph and allowed a most subtle and cagey grin to pull at her mouth as she nodded, "Ah. . Lady V'aleera!"

 

The soldier looked quizzically upon Ameline and retracted the advert.

"Wait. . /conscript/ Valtin knows V'aleera Lhuil?!"

 

Ameline shrugged lightly looking away as the grin spread into a chortling smile. "Of course, compatriot. Everyone knows of V'aleera Lhuil." With that, she simply continued to stifle her laughter and sat back in her cot.

[Michikyou]

Hotaru wiped the sweat from her brow and approached the gathering, her amber gaze falling over the advertisements on the notice board. Her breath falling short as she translated the texts before her.

 

Admittedly she had only seen a few of these persons around the city - but miss Clio was one she recognized almost instantly. The doman girl looked to the others who all equally seemed amused by the advertisement.

 

"So.." she asked the nearest person. "These are all adventurers.. selling drinks? They endorse them all?"

The merchant nodded, moving away after being spoken to. It seems, she would need to find out where and how she could suggest a new flavour..

[GloryRhodes]

[align=center]INSPIRED BY THE TWIN ADDERS[/align]

[align=center]BRONCO VENOM[/align]

[align=center]

[/align]

[align=center]FEEL THE SNAKEBITE ENTER YOUR VEINS![/align]

[align=center]FEEL THE POWER OF VENOM![/align]

[align=center]FEEL LIKE DEATH ITSELF![/align]

[align=center]ON SALE AT THE GRINDSTONE![/align]

[align=center]7 GIL A BOTTLE[/align]

 

 

[align=center]Dubious Distributions is not responsible for any adverse physical, mental or aetherial effects caused by consumption of Bronco Grease Energy Tonic.  Questions as to the ingredients of Bronco Grease will be met with rhetoric and evasiveness.  Drink at your own risk.

[/align]