discussion Red Flags in RP/RP Partners?

[ShoggMommy]

 

Use of RP tags in the search info - I know that this is a little specific but I noticed that people that sports those 'M/[insert length post reference here]/whatever' can really struggle with committing to specific RP partners and completely forget or ignore promises they made to you because they jump from random to random so much they just forget about you in the mix. Not always true, of course and maybe I've simply been unlucky. Still my experience.

 

 

I'm really curious about this one. Are you saying that people who have RP info in their search info tend to be flaky? O_o

That's been my experience so far. Perhaps it's unrelated but I began to associate it with people that don't commit too much. I did had a few regulars with them of course but I tend to get dropped by tagged people way more often than  those that aren't. I can't exactly explain the science behind it as I'd like to know, myself. Maybe they just have too many people to keep track of. The tags are meant to interact with as many randos as possible, after all.

 

I think this might be a bit of causation vs correlation here. I've known a lot of people who use tags and aren't flaky. I think it's honestly the fact that a LOT of people use them. I've used them just so people are aware of what I am comfortable and not comfortable with. It is not because I have a lot of people to keep track of; infact I'm quite introverted and keep a small friends list. Lately I honestly haven't had a lot of time to rp because of IRL obligations (ie. full time industry work). I've run into flaky both with and without the tags so I wouldn't say it's "all them tag rpers are flakes".

[Nako Vesh]

When I think of the term "red flag" I usually don't think of minor complaints about how other people conduct their RP. "Red flag" usually, to me, means something about personal safety. For example someone who acted possessive of me or my RP time would raise a red flag for me, and I would be wary of spending more time with them. Another big red flag for me is when someone OOC excessively comments on the appearance of my characters.

[Kieron Lohengrin]

Green flags exist too though. In my experience, if a player:

 

- is generally chill about you needing to log for the night or wanting to do something else

 

- is able to clear most non-Savage content and doesn't whine in dungeons

 

- keeps ooc mostly in PMs or party chat

 

- contributes to RP plots/relationships without sacrificing their day job or being a NEET

 

Then you have all the indicators of a functional human being who won't get weird later and waste your time. Tbh about half of the decent RPers I know and have ongoing plots with don't even post on here, it's more about private FC sites and Discords these days. Good players exist, it's just that not everyone shares the same timezone

[Kismet]

This might be more of a pet peeve than a red flag... but I honestly can't recall a single time when RP with anyone who put any variation of "has weird/disturbing/abnormal aether" in their search info ended well.

[Arashin Kujqai]

Tbh, I feel people need to loosen up their judgements a bit more. More specifically any prejudgements they hold. Some red flags may indicate warning or something bad but that alone doesn't actually constitute the person is bad or something's wrong with them or RP'ing with them. Everyone's got a life of their own specifics and understandings both IRL and in game, just should respect each other and move on with it. Maybe I sound too "peace and love" atm but I think some areas of RP in many servers would get along much more if they just learned to have fun and loosen up themselves a bit, than to get offended or see reasons to not get along over all the reasons they COULD get along with.

[Mermaid]

Then you have all the indicators of a functional human being who won't get weird later and waste your time.

 

This is one of those things I take with a grain of salt. There is a surprising number of people in hobbies like gaming, role playing, and art who are there because they have difficulty being functional. I'm not talking about the people who do things like look for romantic role play because they can't get a girlfriend/boyfriend. I'm talking about the people who get into it because they have mental or physical illnesses and it's something they can actually do and enjoy. It often comes down to being able to judge which ones are dependent on it and which ones do it for enjoyment.

[Mermaid]

Tbh, I feel people need to loosen up their judgements a bit more. More specifically any prejudgements they hold. Some red flags may indicate warning or something bad but that alone doesn't actually constitute the person is bad or something's wrong with them or RP'ing with them. Everyone's got a life of their own specifics and understandings both IRL and in game, just should respect each other and move on with it. Maybe I sound too "peace and love" atm but I think some areas of RP in many servers would get along much more if they just learned to have fun and loosen up themselves a bit, than to get offended or see reasons to not get along over all the reasons they COULD get along with.

 

Personally having that kind of mentality is part of what lead me to create this thread. I'm the kind of person who will role play with pretty much anyone willing to put in the effort of setting it up with me. I may be wary of some things but ultimately I end up giving everyone a chance. Recently, I had one of those very rare times where I thought "Huh, maybe I should stay away." and that made me wonder about reasons other people might think that.

[Firefly]

Tbh, I feel people need to loosen up their judgements a bit more. More specifically any prejudgements they hold. Some red flags may indicate warning or something bad but that alone doesn't actually constitute the person is bad or something's wrong with them or RP'ing with them. Everyone's got a life of their own specifics and understandings both IRL and in game, just should respect each other and move on with it. Maybe I sound too "peace and love" atm but I think some areas of RP in many servers would get along much more if they just learned to have fun and loosen up themselves a bit, than to get offended or see reasons to not get along over all the reasons they COULD get along with.

 

You're absolutely right, and I wouldn't worry about sounding too 'peace and love'-y, since your point here is entirely reasonable. False positives are a thing, and considering some people here have listed some incredibly bizarre, borderline petty things that could simply be either personality quirks or them on a bad day, or not being native English speakers/writers.

 

My insignificant opinion, is that Kieron's green flags are integral to 'categorising' or figuring out whether you'd like to RP with someone or not.

 

When it comes to finding friends/meeting people, it's both immature and unrealistic to expect said friends/potential co-writers/whatever to be 100% perfect. Watching out for 'Green Flags', imo is just as (if not more) important as looking for 'Red Flags'.

 

I've known amazing RPers with horrible, bland writing or florid, purple prose; I've known people who use the 'I'm an asshole' tag because they have a low self-esteem and are really just beating themselves up over having an opinion; and I've known people who get embroiled in drama because they're people pleasers and don't know how to say 'no', at no fault of their own. Do these traits/flags make them bad RP Partners? Yes and no.

 

Probably stating the obvious here, but ultimately, whether they're a good RP Partner or not falls to you -- can you put up with the crap for the good they have, or are you just going to look at the bad sides and not their potential?

[Eses Fafa]

"Hefty"

[Zen]

One thing I've learned through 20 years of RPing is that a red flag in one person may not be a red flag in another person. Human beings are so complex! And there are no two people alike in the world. It boils down to my preferences and perspective as to whether I'll get on with someone, and how our little "crazy patterns" do with each other. 

 

For example, I'm a very time-oriented person, so it can be a red flag if I'm RPing with someone who's late or blows off a RP session. That's because I tend to block out my free time and tend to know what I'm doing at a certain time in the near future. I keep calendars to keep track of my appointments, both in RL and in-game, so time is valuable to me. 

 

A person who doesn't value time is going to be someone that I won't want to play in-depth with, or commit to. Not because they're a bad person, and not because I'm right, but because we're different people in this aspect. From past experience of trying to make RP relationships work involving this, I know it ends up with OOC issues eventually. 

 

On the internet, especially since we're missing face-to-face communication and can't read when a person is joking, serious, mad, depressed, etc (although we can pick up on clues over time), I'd rather recognize this from the beginning and not encourage interaction with a person like this involving times, so that we can remain on friendly terms. 

 

It's just recognizing that I have a quirk that doesn't mesh well with someone else's quirk, habit, issue, etc, and moving on from them. It's learning to trust my gut instinct about people the first time it pops up, even if I can't quite place my finger on what it is in the beginning. I always trust that. In other words, what may be a red flag to one person may not be to another, and it's easy for threads like this to delve into personal pet peeves instead of what constitutes red flag behaviors. 

 

There are people out there bent on maliciousness, stalking and other sociopathic/psychotic behaviors, and when you come across one of these people, if you're in tune with yourself, you'll get the biggest NOPE feeling crawling down your spine and little alarm bells going off in your head saying, DON'T ENGAGE, RUN AWAY. Thankfully they're not as abundant as they once were, since more victims are stepping forward and naming names. But always listen to that inner voice when engaging people, even if you can't explain it.

[Kilieit]

One thing I've learned through 20 years of RPing is that a red flag in one person may not be a red flag in another person. Human beings are so complex! And there are no two people alike in the world. It boils down to my preferences and perspective as to whether I'll get on with someone, and how our little "crazy patterns" do with each other. 

 

[...]

 

There are people out there bent on maliciousness, stalking and other sociopathic(...) behaviors, and when you come across one of these people, if you're in tune with yourself, you'll get the biggest NOPE feeling crawling down your spine and little alarm bells going off in your head saying, DON'T ENGAGE, RUN AWAY. Thankfully they're not as abundant as they once were, since more victims are stepping forward and naming names. But always listen to that inner voice when engaging people, even if you can't explain it.

 

This is what it comes down to for me. Although it's not a rare occurrence for me to avoid meeting up with someone a second time for RP due to red flags, I found I had trouble pinning down exactly what those flags were for me in the form of concrete, universal rules that I could post in this thread... and I think Zen put a finger on why I was struggling.

 

So many of my "red flags" are about recognising patterns I know from past experiences. I haven't RP'd in "grown up" communities for quite as many years as Zen on account of only having existed for 24, but it's honestly been almost as long, and I've learned a lot of hard lessons in that time about who not to associate with. It feels like a cop-out for me to say "I just have an intuition", but that's basically what it is.

 

One important thing, though - knowing when to listen to that intuition and when to disregard it can be just as difficult to learn as developing it is, especially if you've been through some really bad experiences like I have. But it's just as important for your enjoyment of any given community.

 

A big one for me is separating someone's mannerisms from their actions. I frequently meet people who remind me in one way or another of people who've treated me badly in the past, and I have to be very careful to dissect why they do. Is it just because they structure their sentences in a similar way, or use similar emoticons? If so, it's in my best interests for me to recognise the irrational fear for what it is, and work through it. On the other hand, is it because (for example) they're pushing boundaries and then playing it off like a joke when I object? Because in that case, it's probably in my best interests to heed my instincts and slow-fade.

 

And I do prefer the slow-fade in the huge majority of circumstances. When I'm pulling back not necessarily because they're explicitly doing something horribly wrong, but merely because I'm noting signs that they might do in the future... I see no reason to make it a big blow-out.

[Cassandra]

To try and throw a general, vague one out there... I'd say be wary of characters/players who get clingy a little too fast (though I suppose being clingy at all is probably a bad thing)? This is mostly for relationship RP, and from what I've seen and heard more than any personal experience.

 

To touch on this further, I had someone start calling me pet names after one discord conversation. Now I don't mind when friends do that or if it's clearly being playful, but DMing me every other day with "Hi, dove" or "kitten" immediately triggers my "this person will be clingy!" radar. It didn't help the mentioned "adult content" more than once, which kinda put me on edge over what their intentions were.

[Arashin Kujqai]

- is able to clear most non-Savage content and doesn't whine in dungeons

- keeps ooc mostly in PMs or party chat

- contributes to RP plots/relationships without sacrificing their day job or being a NEET

 

 

It's just even the green flags can be seen as red flags when mentioned like this. They're not inherently bad concepts always and making them seen as a plus builds some sort of standard that not everyone is able to be or keep up with. Some players can be of these circumstances because they're new or don't understand some things in FF14 yet. Some are getting the feel for RP for the first time and want to make sure everyone else is comfortable so they're comfortable. Then of course there's RL situations where not everyone is in a prime situation to have a job/schooling and etc. The flags themselves shouldn't immediately mark the person as "do not touch or else bad time" considering how coincidental some things like these may be. I'd say all the flags even I mentioned should be seen with a more grey perspective than black/white. With a more "it depends" vibe to it than "nope, never, out right NUPE!". It's always welcoming to see the opposite end of this with positive outlooks than just negative connotations applied all around.

[Faye]

Tbh, I feel people need to loosen up their judgements a bit more. More specifically any prejudgements they hold. Some red flags may indicate warning or something bad but that alone doesn't actually constitute the person is bad or something's wrong with them or RP'ing with them. Everyone's got a life of their own specifics and understandings both IRL and in game, just should respect each other and move on with it. Maybe I sound too "peace and love" atm but I think some areas of RP in many servers would get along much more if they just learned to have fun and loosen up themselves a bit, than to get offended or see reasons to not get along over all the reasons they COULD get along with.

 

I don't think everyone here is saying they'll be sending hatemail or outright ignoring anyone who hits any of their red flags--that's just not part of the definition of "red flag" and isn't inherent in the discussion unless someone specifically says that. While I personally do think some of the red flags other have listed are a case of correlation rather than causation for any sort of unpleasant behavior and are therefore not necessarily fair or helpful, there's nothing wrong with the idea of having a checklist of things that make you uncomfortable or things that have always seemed to correspond with unpleasant experiences.

 

It's not disrespectful--and is indeed "moving on"--to keep your distance from anyone who throws up warning signs to you. All my "red flags" are either things that have always ended up poorly or very rarely ended well, they are either signs of patterns I have recognized in my 10+ years of RP or acts that in themselves make me uncomfortable. I don't have unlimited free time, and I do have my own happiness and safety to consider (I venture everyone is the same in that regard). I don't always want to spend my time and energy on interactions that make me uneasy and are very likely to be unpleasant all around.

 

It is not any absence of "peace and love" from anyone else, many people just value their own time and enjoyment and don't want to gamble it on a experience they think/know is likely to go awry, and oftentimes avoiding people you don't mesh with is part of keeping that "peace." As you said, everyone has their own lives in game and out, some people don't have the time or temperaments to be always taking risks on interactions with other people who have already proven to be sketchy to them.

[Arashin Kujqai]

Tbh, I feel people need to loosen up their judgements a bit more. More specifically any prejudgements they hold. Some red flags may indicate warning or something bad but that alone doesn't actually constitute the person is bad or something's wrong with them or RP'ing with them. Everyone's got a life of their own specifics and understandings both IRL and in game, just should respect each other and move on with it. Maybe I sound too "peace and love" atm but I think some areas of RP in many servers would get along much more if they just learned to have fun and loosen up themselves a bit, than to get offended or see reasons to not get along over all the reasons they COULD get along with.

 

I don't think everyone here is saying they'll be sending hatemail or outright ignoring anyone who hits any of their red flags--that's just not part of the definition of "red flag" and isn't inherent in the discussion unless someone specifically says that. While I personally do think some of the red flags other have listed are a case of correlation rather than causation for any sort of unpleasant behavior and are therefore not necessarily fair or helpful, there's nothing wrong with the idea of having a checklist of things that make you uncomfortable or things that have always seemed to correspond with unpleasant experiences.

 

It's not disrespectful--and is indeed "moving on"--to keep your distance from anyone who throws up warning signs to you. All my "red flags" are either things that have always ended up poorly or very rarely ended well, they are either signs of patterns I have recognized in my 10+ years of RP or acts that in themselves make me uncomfortable. I don't have unlimited free time, and I do have my own happiness and safety to consider (I venture everyone is the same in that regard). I don't always want to spend my time and energy on interactions that make me uneasy and are very likely to be unpleasant all around.

 

It is not any absence of "peace and love" from anyone else, many people just value their own time and enjoyment and don't want to gamble it on a experience they think/know is likely to go awry, and oftentimes avoiding people you don't mesh with is part of keeping that "peace." As you said, everyone has their own lives in game and out, some people don't have the time or temperaments to be always taking risks on interactions with other people who have already proven to be sketchy to them.

Oh, yeah of course lol. Just about reading through some it, I started to get the feeling that combining all these red flags as things people can lookout for or things they themselves may not want to do... It gave me the thought that perhaps things can get trivial and we just needa sit back and enjoy ourselves. Just reading it altogether can seem like a lot of people find a lot of things distasteful without any context to it.

 

Like atm, I'm helping a friend learn how to RP a char that isn't very social. Without attempting to make her look like a lamp lol. May be a red flag to some or a "I'll just avoid this" kinda thing to others, but for the most part, just gotta have people remember not to jump the gun. A red flag is like you said, just a lil check on the list to check out everything first.

[Imo]

Magitek limbs.

[Marisa]

I wouldn't say its a red flag for "bad" rp, but more that I might not get much enjoyment from it. I'm not a huge fan of when people spend more time sitting in the quicksand talking about things they've done, rather than going out and actually doing stuff. It's fine if you like a more passive form of storytelling, but it seems like you'd be better off writing your own literature at that point.

[Maril]

/Modhat on 

 

Please keep on topic. I refer to the OP, this topic is about red flags in RP/RP Partners, not RP pet-peeves. If you want to discuss RP pet peeves, creating a different thread would be more suitable. 

 

/Modhat off

[Zhavi]

The biggest red flag for me will always be when someone starts talking smack about a player because of a character's actions (and I'm not talking about god moding or whatnot), or starts becoming a liiiiiittle too invested in the player. Being a stalker is bad, mmkay?

 

Plus, I dunno, it makes me sad when a player I'm getting to know oocly feels the need to mention things like "I have a spouse/SO, and I am invested in this relationship, and not looking for ooc romance" -- because they've had bad experiences with other players not being able to separate that ooc/ic boundary. Building up a great rp partnership takes a lot of time and effort. It sucks to have to drop it for ooc reasons like persistent and unwelcome romantic interest. Hell, I tend to actively dissuade most ooc communications because of how many second-hand horror stories I've heard ever since my wee teenager days of MUD and PBP rp.

[ShoggMommy]

Plus' date=' I dunno, it makes me sad when a player I'm getting to know oocly feels the need to mention things like "I have a spouse/SO, and I am invested in this relationship, and not looking for ooc romance" -- [i']because[/i] they've had bad experiences with other players not being able to separate that ooc/ic boundary. Building up a great rp partnership takes a lot of time and effort. It sucks to have to drop it for ooc reasons like persistent and unwelcome romantic interest. Hell, I tend to actively dissuade most ooc communications because of how many second-hand horror stories I've heard ever since my wee teenager days of MUD and PBP rp.

 

Unfortunately I've had to tell people this; it's why I also put "NoERP/ROM" in my personal search tags. It's aggravating to deal with constantly; and while I have friends who's characters have been involved with my characters in the past- it's in part to the fact that I trust them not to be manipulative or creepy. They're also people I have known for years and aren't some rando searching for relationships.

 

So honestly red flags for me are mainly people who try to push the IC-relationship on me when I say I don't rp it. Manipulation and "guilt tripping" also throws up flags I've dealt with people who are clingy and over-sensitive and it usually ends with them guilt tripping me because I play other games or I'm not online when they demand it.

[Kerrath]

IC red flags:

For the most part, I'll RP with anyone so long as their stuff is reasonably lore-adjacent. it doesn't have to be exact, but it has to be believable. I don't really care that much if someone RPs that they have one of the Jobs even if it's one of the more exclusive Jobs so long as they reasonably adhere to the lore of the job, and even that has wiggle room for me.

 

Really, what I mean is that if you had to invent stuff for your character to work, I get wary. If your character came from a nation no one's ever heard of, I get wary. If your character is some sort of race that no one's ever heard of, I get wary. If you made up a brand new job that doesn't exist in the Final Fantasy universe, I get wary--unless it's pretty tame and understandable, I guess.

 

If you play as a Garlean, I get wary. I've seen it done well, but for every good Garlean, there's someone who's using Garlemald as a plot device to invent whatever anime contraption they want and import it into the FF14 universe--which can be troublesome.

 

If you play a Futa Nunh, I'm judging you and you need to go to church.

 

OOC red flags:

 

People who've got a lot of enemies. If you think everyone hates you, well, everyone is a lot of people and I'm fairly certain not everyone is actually an asshole, but the common denominator is you.  

People who don't talk out their problems with their friends and other associates. I've seen this one A LOT. I've seen a lot of people who've got such an intrinsic built-in fear of confrontation that it hinders their ability to move past whatever they're dealing with. Yes, confrontation sucks, but it's a necessary element for managing conflict.

 

People who are too open about their sexuality. This is a personal taste one, and I get that not everyone shares my feelings here--but if I see an f-list in your search comment, I make the presumption that you're probably mostly in it for ERP. Also, I generally prefer not to know much about people's sexuality. It's none of my business, and I prefer it that way.

 

People who ic/ooc bleed. I don't care as much about this one because I don't engage in THAT much romance RP, which is where bleed might be a problem. I play with my girlfriend. Before she played, I was lucky enough that my romance RP partners were fairly chill. I don't really play a very antagonistic character, so I also don't often experience people who've got issues with feeling antagonized.

[Nako Vesh]

Tbh, I feel people need to loosen up their judgements a bit more. More specifically any prejudgements they hold. Some red flags may indicate warning or something bad but that alone doesn't actually constitute the person is bad or something's wrong with them or RP'ing with them. Everyone's got a life of their own specifics and understandings both IRL and in game, just should respect each other and move on with it. Maybe I sound too "peace and love" atm but I think some areas of RP in many servers would get along much more if they just learned to have fun and loosen up themselves a bit, than to get offended or see reasons to not get along over all the reasons they COULD get along with.

 

I mean, this is a nice stance to take if you can afford to. Petty gripes with RP style aside, some of us have some very good reasons for being cautious about certain behaviors. People like to joke about how the internet doesn't affect real life, but it really can, and for some of the more vulnerable out there it can actually become dangerous.

[Arashin Kujqai]

Tbh, I feel people need to loosen up their judgements a bit more. More specifically any prejudgements they hold. Some red flags may indicate warning or something bad but that alone doesn't actually constitute the person is bad or something's wrong with them or RP'ing with them. Everyone's got a life of their own specifics and understandings both IRL and in game, just should respect each other and move on with it. Maybe I sound too "peace and love" atm but I think some areas of RP in many servers would get along much more if they just learned to have fun and loosen up themselves a bit, than to get offended or see reasons to not get along over all the reasons they COULD get along with.

 

I mean, this is a nice stance to take if you can afford to. Petty gripes with RP style aside, some of us have some very good reasons for being cautious about certain behaviors. People like to joke about how the internet doesn't affect real life, but it really can, and for some of the more vulnerable out there it can actually become dangerous.

Agreed. No one's saying not to be cautious but my comment leans more towards being open minded than just backing right out the door at first glance. In the end, everyone should be comfortable doing their own thing and not have to feel judged for whatever it is. I say "feel" judged because people will and undoubtedly judge regardless because it's just human to. Doesn't mean we have to put that kind of insecurity on each other though. Which is another red flag I have to keep a lookout for usually... RL comes first, in game 2nd, but we don't have to bring our RL into the game and onto others.

[Aegir]

IC red flags:

If you play as a Garlean, I get wary. I've seen it done well, but for every good Garlean, there's someone who's using Garlemald as a plot device to invent whatever anime contraption they want and import it into the FF14 universe--which can be troublesome.

 

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[Kerrath]

 

snipped picture of garlean gasping

well i don't get SUPER wary but for me it goes back to inventing shit.

 

ive seen people use garlemald as a magic box from which to pull all sorts of bullshit where they say their character comes from garlemald and is an invincible warrior goddess with immortality who has an aura that instantly nullifies all magic cast in their general vicinity and she was genetically modified to be the perfect warrior and simultaneously modified to be extremely sexy with big hips and breasts.

 

i have no time for downloading all of that dlc into my rp

 

tbh if you dont do any of that nonsense thats really all it takes for me to be fine with your garlean. hell, id love nothing more than to play an extremely fascist garlean nationalist with flowing beautiful hair, a cape, and a general tendency to naturally stand in contrapposto at all times.