*NSFW* ERP- should both IRL partners be okay with it?

[thatgirl]

My soon-to-be-ex boyfriend have been arguing constantly because he cannot - will not- stop engaging in ERP. He knows I feel it is akin to cheating, but he doesn't feel the same way. According to him, I am stupid and an idiot because I asked him to respect our relationship and stop playing out sexual fantasies online. I'd re

[111]

...lol

[Val]

...lol

 

 

A'yup.

[Berrod Armstrong]

[Unnamed Mercenary]

My soon-to-be-ex boyfriend have been arguing constantly because he cannot - will not- stop engaging in ERP. He knows I feel it is akin to cheating, but he doesn't feel the same way. According to him, I am stupid and an idiot because I asked him to respect our relationship and stop playing out sexual fantasies online. I'd really like some feedback. Please keep in mind that he has cheated on me IRL, with a girl from the game.

 

Below, I've included some examples of his ERP. Names have been edited to protect the perverts. 

 

[clipped]

 

I don't think anyone here is particularly interested in reading the ERP. It doesn't add to the discussion.

 

If you feel uncomfortable that your boyfriend in engaging in ERP and he doesn't respect that, you should evaluate your relationship. It doesn't sound healthy if he's berating you, in addition to cheating on you.

[111]

 

[Roen]

 

 

Stealing from Berrod.

 

[Kage]

...lol

 

 

A'yup.

^

 

OP

A) You need to have a serious discussion with your partner.

 

If you are upset that he cheated on you and think he is using the game and ERP to facilitate why not just dump his ass?

[111]

 

 

Stealing from Berrod.

 

 

[Kage]

I'm a moth to the flame.

 

A bottlenecker on the freeway.

 

[Melodia]

I read it.....I cannot unread.

 

http://media.giphy.com/media/5ZXyJGVjUFBKM/giphy.gif[/img]

[Blue]

I'd dump him, too. Who needs an IRL partner when you've got a MMO subscription anyways?

 

[Warren Castille]

Cheated on you IRL.

 

Cheating on you in-game.

 

...soon-to-be-ex.

 

I'm not even making fun, I just don't understand how these things exist in that order.

[Unnamed Mercenary]

Cheated on you IRL.

 

Cheating on you in-game.

 

...soon-to-be-ex.

 

I'm not even making fun, I just don't understand how these things exist in that order.

^basically this.

 

If he's that bad IRL, his actions in the game shouldn't matter.

[Crisiet]

[Kage]

I mean -maybe- counseling is in order but considering it's being aired out like this in a way... I really don't think a relationship is really what you two want together. Or he wants.

 

Whatever.

 

It's not working plain and simple. Move on. He's happy with his new girl I'm guessing.

 

If he actually cheated on you because based on the quoted stuff you don't view ERP very well and I said this on the idea I'm getting that you take the ERP as a form of cheating.

[Chika Ito]

You should have left him after the first time he cheated on you, despite whether you love him or not. No one should have to put up with that.

 

Also people who ERP, most of them, are not a bunch of perverts. Careful love, throwing insults will get you no where. Most choose to do intimate role play because of character development. Don't lump a few bad apples into the whole basket with the good ones. Just because he does it to you, and gets sexual enjoyment out of it, doesn't mean others do the same.

 

Lastly if he doesn't respect your stance on it, and disregards your feelings, dump his ass already.

[OttoVann]

No way this isn't someone trolling on a new account. Surely the admins can see that via IP logging who knows.

 

Lol

[Stormwind]

[Warren Castille]

No way this isn't someone trolling on a new account. Surely the admins can see that via IP logging who knows.

 

Lol

 

It's okay if she caught you and came to us, Otto. We know you can't help yourself.

 

:thumbsup:

[Eva]

@OP:

I won't make light of this.  In full seriousness, I've been in a similar such situation at one point in my own life.  I don't think that these are concerns that impact the greater RP community so deeply as they do your own personal life, which probably explains what may be regarded as lightheartedness within many of the responses given so far (or they may just think you're a troll, which could also be the case I suppose, though I'll write the rest of this post assuming that you aren't).

 

It's not for any of us really to agree what is acceptable for you or your significant other, or to judge your relationship.  ERP can be a minor plot point and may be looked upon as something innocent and fun that adds a particular dimension to a character relationship and something not to be taken very seriously.  Conversely, it can be a very intimite thing between two players if there are real feelings involved - this all varies widely depending on the players and their views and reasons.

 

As another poster mentioned, what is right and wrong is something best kept to a serious discussion between the two of you about what is necessary for your relationship to carry on, or if it can endure after what may be looked upon as betrayal, and if there's enough value for it to be worth carrying on at all.  I would encourage you to remember that your happiness and dignity are important though.

 

I would imagine, or at least hope, that most who are in real relationships and who have characters that ERP, are honest and upfront with their RL partners about it, otherwise it can probably trigger a lot of awful stuff.  There almost certainly needs to be some sort of understanding, otherwise it's only going to drive a wedge in your relationship.

 

Whatever your choices, I wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

[OttoVann]

No way this isn't someone trolling on a new account. Surely the admins can see that via IP logging who knows.

 

Lol

 

It's okay if she caught you and came to us, Otto. We know you can't help yourself.

 

:thumbsup:

 

P-pls no lewd bully

 

I...can help myself. I resist temptation with you everyday

[Tiergan]

If your 'soon-to-be-ex' doesn't give a damn about how you feel with something as minor as ERP, it's simply time to GTFO of the relationship. If he's willing to risk potentially missing out on real life nookie in favor of virtual nookie, it's definitely time to GTFO out of the relationship.

 

In the grand scheme of things, this guy doesn't sound important enough to stick it out with.

[Lyriell]

I really don't like a lot of people being so onesided in their answers here.

We literally only know one side of the story and that side isn't even explained proberly.

 

Maybe I'm missing something here since the original post was edited, but was the guy cheating on you IRL or just via ERP?

 

If the latter is the case then you need to ask yourself, can this really be considered cheating? What if that guy looks at the picture of a naked woman? Is that considered cheating too? What about music videos? Lot's of them have naked booties and titties in them, is that considered cheating too then?

 

I don't want to be an asshat about it...but men...are men you know..?

Aside from that, just because he's doing ERP doesn't mean he does it to get off to it.

 

I for example consider ERP to be part of a characters development. If it fits the situation then I don't see anything wrong with it. We're playing out the life of a character and sadly the sexual life is a part of that as well.

 

Now if he's doing ERP constantly without any plot to it involved and if he's pretty much just an ERP whore then I'd understand your dilemma. But if it only happens occassionaly then I'd see nothing wrong with it.

 

I also don't like how people say the guy has to set his priorities right. You don't even know him. Maybe he cherishes his freedom?

 

I for one wouldn't like to be told what I have to do, not even by my girlfriend, my mother or anyone. If I feel I'm not in the wrong, then why should I have to change?

 

I hope that's some food for thought.

[Brynhilde]