Cliques and RP Etiquette

[sforze]

Chalk it up to a rough week of RP attempts, but I've been struggling lately to interact with others in character and actually get responses. I've approached a lot of people, asked them questions, and tried to generate conversation but it seems there are a lot of cliques and groups that kind of stick together and are difficult to breach that goes beyond just IC reasoning (which I totally understand - clearly some people have good reasons to be cold).

Aside from that, in worst cases, my emotes and text get ignored all together by other roleplayers (even when they're directed at someone by name) and I'm left feeling awkward and unwelcome. This has happened quite a bit in the last few days, as well -- they're not AFK, there's no chatspam making it difficult to follow, they just...don't...respond.

 

I guess I'm not sure what I hope to accomplish by posting this except maybe there's someone else who's having a similar trouble who can relate? Or maybe I'm a weird, freak occurrence and I'm giving off bad vibes or something, idk! I'm not looking for any kind of 'boohoo, poor me', just hoping for a bit of insight or camaraderie or something.

 

In any case, I'm still trying and putting myself out there, I just hope things take a turn for the better soon.

[Cliodhna Eoghan]

sorry to hear you've been having a rough time maybe try to go to some of the events that are being hosted? either way, don't give up and just keep trying, things are bound to get better! also it might help if you try to send a tell to ask if you can join in since you've been having little luck with them with straight up jump in attempts. :3

[Y'lani]

Heya! I saw you today!

 

Have you taken a look at some of the roleplay connections linkshells? I'm in one currently, and it has been a lifesaver ever since I decided to join it. I recommend The Tavern, Open RP, Heavy RP OOC, as well as a few others in the linkshell hall. I'm also here to hit up for roleplay whenever, whether you follow an EU timezone or a NA timezone. I'm on a lot, and my times are inconsistent, so it works out!

 

I hope this gets better for you. I sympathize, and I hope Clio and my suggestions help. :love:

[Unnamed Mercenary]

You're definitely not alone in this, or thinking such thoughts. But-! Sometimes things are a little more complicated. At least, that's my thoughts on it. ...sometimes people RP in a public place, but it may not always be a public scene. Rather than ignore, an OOC notice would be nice.

 

I'm not really sure how to go about finding a solution, however. As with any group of people, we've got our active RPers who look for others, and our reactive RPers who wait for someone to talk to them. Communication isn't always the strong suit. 

 

Perhaps a thread in Making Connections could help? Or maybe there's one in there where someone else is looking for something you could provide? While the tavern areas can get busy, you might be able to find some like-minded people there as well.

[Magellan]

We've all been there, and it can be pretty discouraging at times (to put it mildly). The best thing you can do is seek the advice of your peers (as you have done here) and get a spectrum of ideas on how to overcome these sorts of hurdles.

 

For me; I say try the connections thread on this site, specifying what you are looking for. Or attend events specifically for the public, guaranteeing  a higher success that people are, in fact, there for open RP.

 

Random, walk-up RP can be so hit or miss. Even though they are rping out in the open, doesn't necessarily mean they are anticipating or welcoming walk-ups. They could still be involved in a private scene.

 

Try equating it to real life. If a couple is acting schmoozy on a bus, having a lovey-dovey conversation, and a complete stranger comes in and say; 'Hey! How you doing!? I couldn't help but hear you guys are on your way to the museum. Isn't it the greatest place?'

 

Chances are pretty high that that couple is going to be kind of turned off by the approach. After all, they were sharing a 'moment' together, in public yes, but still expecting to have some privacy.

 

Now take that couple and throw them into a party setting. And the same fellow bus rider is there. Someone introduces them, and because they are there (in theory) to socialize, then there's a greater chance they'll get to talking about this or that.

 

The same holds true for RP. Characters can be in the middle of a conversation, and feel interrupted by a sudden appearance of a stranger. Interruption often comes joined to the hip by annoyance. Now, there is no reason to be rude OOCly, in my book, and a few simple OOC tells can help smooth 99% of RP problems, but ICly the reaction might be cold, or flat out pretending you are not there.

 

Finding a good group or FC takes time, and a lot of frustrations along the way, but can be very rewarding for both you and your character. As I've stated previously you are off to the right start by contacting your peers here. It's perfectly reasonable to expect others might even try to set up rp meet ups with you after reading your post

 

I would be one of them, but quite literally my character does not socialize (yet). If you came running up to her to talk, her breadth of experience teaches her to do one of two things: a) run and don't look back. b) punch you in the nose as hard as she can. Neither are optimal, to say the least ^^;

 

But I do enjoy conversing and discussing rp OOCly! Feel free to add me in game if you like : Lyra Blueflower. And once my character has developed less 'flight or fight' tendencies, maybe they can even be friends!

[Tiergan]

One thing I've noticed is that if:

 

1) You're trying to strike up random RP with a group has like 4-6 people or more in it all talking together.

 

2) You're in an already crowded place full of people RPing like the Quicksand.

 

3) You can't seem to get anyone to even respond to what you're doing or acknowledge you even exist.

 

I'm willing to bet money that the group literally didn't even see your emotes/posts. I've been to big tavern events where everything is so crowded and the chat is scrolling so fast that I'm left frantically scanning the chat log for names of people I know my character is speaking to so I don't miss things in the conversation.

 

This unfortunately makes it way too easy to miss if someone's emoting at me because I'm too busy looking for the names of people my character is talking to.

 

My advice is if you've emoted at someone a couple of times and they're in a group, chatting in a crowded place, and get no response - just poke one of them with a friendly tell: ((Hey there, do you mind if my character joins in somehow? Or is this private RP?))

 

USUALLY people will say yes, and then they'll be able to scan for your name too as well as the names of people they've already been conversing with.

 

If they say no - then you can silently judge them for having private RP in the middle of a public, open area instead of meeting up at an FC house or a more a place more secluded. ( Because in my mind, it's just common sense to not RP in a giant public hub full of RPers if you don't want to get approached by other RPers. )

[Chris Ganale]

He explicitly stated this has happened when the chat logs weren't surging with activity.

[Alothia]

This has happened with me as well while in the Quicksand. I've had Alothia sit there and even comment on what people were doing, and they straight up ignore me. Other times, I've had her walk right up to someone and strike up a conversation (but that's really because it's in my character's personality to do that. I know not everyone can), and that seems to work best. But I've also been approached when I'm there by random people, and I'm totally okay with that. I think some groups just aren't as open to it as others.

 

Anyroad, if you happen to see Alothia Starkwood out in the Quicksand looking like an idiot, feel free to walk up and engage in some RP. I'm almost always happy to quit whatever it is I'm doing at the time if it means RPs.

[Nebbs]

Try try try again, and again and expect mostly no response.

 

Out and about.. make it clear you are an RPer.. and be prepared to take the opportunty when it comes.

1. Dress like you are IC

2. Act like it (emotes etc..)

3. Nod at people and such

 

Also have some opening that you can use with people that look like they may be RPing. Comment on an item of clothing, the view, anything.

 

If you want to RP at a specific time then you have to go to places where the density of RPers is higher and accept the quality is varied. I would watch a bit first to see how others do things and then try it. This is not my personal favourite as it is noisy, so maybe start in Gridania rather than Ul'dah?

 

Events are a really goo way to meet others.

[Khadan]

I might suggest looking at the list of linkshells/FC's and getting in with that. Especially if you don't know anyone in the game, yet. RP'ers are notoriously cliquish and suspicious of strangers (this sounds like an alien race, doesn't it?) so a lone person approaching an established group often has their work cut out for them unless you win the lottery and that group happens to be one of the few who will interact with anyone/everyone for the sake of it.

 

To clarify, I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing. If anything it's highly reflective of RL. If you and your friends go out to a place for drinks and/or food and you're all chatting and having a good time, then some random person none of you know shows up and starts talking at you then the reaction is pretty much the same. Funny looks, raised eyebrows, everyone looking to one another while shrugs are exchanged and some will opt to ignore while others might say "errr no thanks we're not interested in buying what you're selling crazy lady!"

 

To that end I might suggest a tactic of infiltration (join an FC or Linkshell) or divide and conquer (find a person who is just as alone as you are at the time and spark up a conversation). That person likely knows other people who know other people and so on. Social networking at its finest. =)

[sforze]

Hey, thanks for the responses! Lots to go through here, so I'll try to keep it short and sweet...

 

I've actually been in fairly regular attendance to a lot of events that have gone on, but started to taper off when...well, I started running into the problem of being ignored or feeling kind of shut out by people who are in kind of established groups. I think I'll try to pick up attendance again soon and get back into it fully.

 

The PM idea isn't a bad one -- I think I'll try that in the future when I'm not getting responses and see if that helps. I've actually also tossed up Connections posts, as well, which have...drumroll!...stayed pretty silent. I enjoyed NPCing in other people's plots in the past and would do it again if given the opportunity, but I've had a hell of a time for myself.

 

Incidentally, if anyone has suggestions for more mature-themed linkshells that are pretty active, I'd like to hear of them.

[Knight Kat]

If there is no chat-spam, I ask where these attempts have taken place?

 

Also, do you walk your character up to them? Target one of them to make your character look at them? Are your emotes more than unquote-marked one-liners? Are you giving people plenty of time to respond?

 

Sorry if the questions seem silly, without seeing exactly what you experience, all we can do is trouble-shoot. It is very upsetting to read that you have been OOCly ignored. Hard to think RPers would do that to other RPers in a public setting.

 

Otherwise, please follow Tiergan's advice. Send them a friendly tell asking if it's ok for you to join in. Give them a few minutes to respond. Some RPers type slow.

[Roen]

I also find it hard to believe that people are actively ignoring you since if people are RPing in a public place, people are USUALLY open to being approached. RPing is interactive! So... this is puzzling to me.

 

I will agree with what people have said so far. AND also that sometimes if it is in a real busy place and the chat is scrolling pretty fast, people can miss things. Even at events. Sometimes especially at events.

 

I know I have missed emotes directed my way in a busy chat room. LOTS.

 

So I recommend sending /tells. Definitely.

 

I also had no idea what the poll was supposed to be about.

[sforze]

I emote, I introduce myself, I ask if I can sit, I give very large margins for response...I really do feel like I've done pretty much everything by the book, with a few exceptional things that I can try going forward (PMing people, etc.)

 

I RP in the Quicksand, in the Drowning Wench, the Bismarck, in housing districts, at planned events -- I write with my usual partner fairly openly out in the world at random, as well. Honestly, even if people would emote ignoring my attempts to say hi, I would feel a bit better about the whole situation if it really is a case of "being approached on the bus"...but nope. ;( Like I said, I'm mindful of chatspam, and these are incidences typically happening during periods of lower activity in the log.

 

At any rate, I'm glad I'm not a lone ranger in encountering this kind of thing. I've been in other RP communities and I know that it's easy to rest on the groups you're comfortable with, but hopefully if nothing else, this is a helpful reminder to occasionally look outside your circles, too? I am super-pumped about how big the Balmung community is (honestly the biggest RP community in an MMO I've encountered so far, so good work everyone), now I'm just trying to get a foothold!

[Branson Thorne]

Honestly, this is all just part of today's society, nothing to do with the game really.

We all have people we get along better with, whether at work, school, sports, whatever.

And in return, we exclude others from our group. It's not so much a bad thing until it's taken personally and you start to wonder if you are weird, or not cool enough, etc.

 

I've both been on the receiving end, and in the clique itself who was guilty of doing the same.

Just chalk it up to human nature and continue on. Eventually you will find "your clique" and life will be grand!

 

If you're looking for walk up RP I have 2 characters I RP with.

A'mon Vespar & T'avh Tia. Feel free to send a PM or walk on up if you see me.

Same goes for everyone else!

[Dasair]

I'll pipe in here to say that I have a character which exclusively does not go to the 'big social' spots like taverns and cities in general. So here's what I did to get some more frequent RP.

 

It kind of goes along the lines of PMing others, and not only creating a connections thread, but going through other's connection threads, and seeing if someone's character seems interesting to you, that you'd like yours to interact with. Then, sending them a PM on the forums, or a tell in game or something (I prefer the former, personally) could get you some interesting RP with them, if they're willing to set up a time to have your characters meet up. :> 'Welcome' threads are good places too, because you'll find newer players who are just getting into things and eager to RP with someone / get used to RPing, so it can be pretty neat all around.

 

That said, it takes active effort to open up those connections. In some cases, they'll fall through. But if you keep at it, a fair amount of them won't, and you'll get to play with a decent number of people, some of which are likely to stick.

[Kurt S.]

Must...not...splode...must...not..remember...Kurt's..initial..weeks..of futile RPing...

 

:frustrated::frustrated::frustrated::frustrated::frustrated::frustrated::frustrated::frustrated::frustrated:

 

Anyway, honestly what I do is uhhh hmmm

 

/tell to win. Probe it OOCly see if they're receptive. Ask if you can join. I'm sure people have already said this before but I don't think I can stress OOC communication enough for ANY RP. Granted, it's a hit or miss method(I speak from experience) it's also the most reliable and surefire way to get into some of it. 

 

...right up until someone else they know shows up and then they abandon you mid RP with an exit that doesn't make sense or no exit at all....

[Magellan]

I emote, I introduce myself, I ask if I can sit, I give very large margins for response...I really do feel like I've done pretty much everything by the book, with a few exceptional things that I can try going forward (PMing people, etc.)

 

I RP in the Quicksand, in the Drowning Wench, the Bismarck, in housing districts, at planned events -- I write with my usual partner fairly openly out in the world at random, as well. Honestly, even if people would emote ignoring my attempts to say hi, I would feel a bit better about the whole situation if it really is a case of "being approached on the bus"...but nope. ;( Like I said, I'm mindful of chatspam, and these are incidences typically happening during periods of lower activity in the log.

 

At any rate, I'm glad I'm not a lone ranger in encountering this kind of thing. I've been in other RP communities and I know that it's easy to rest on the groups you're comfortable with, but hopefully if nothing else, this is a helpful reminder to occasionally look outside your circles, too? I am super-pumped about how big the Balmung community is (honestly the biggest RP community in an MMO I've encountered so far, so good work everyone), now I'm just trying to get a foothold!

Welp, this might sound like a copout answer, but it could be a case of tunnel vision. I've been rping with groups in which someone is trying to get our attention, and more often than not, I am the only one who responds.

 

Why? Because I was the only one in the group actually aware we were getting talked to. I think a lot of people literally hone in on the people their character knows, and disregards the rest as clutter. Mostly because it is VERY hard to keep tabs on proceedings in a crowded area. It is also draining, if you are trying to keep up several conversations at once.

 

PMs absolutely solve this. Nothing cuts through the clutter like a bright line of purple text, accompanied by a chirruping sound. I've been the one trying to get people's attention, and more often than not have had to resort to pm's. I've been in situations where I've felt like I was being ignored, only to PM someone, and have them give genuine surprise that I was trying to enter the scene, and be really nice about it in their replies (even if they sometimes say they are kind've busy with the scene)

 

I did notice you had posted several connection threads. Not quite sure what to say about why they haven't been answered. I will say that absolutely cliques exist, but it's not the bad nor derogatory things it's often made out to be. Characters have close friends. People OOCly have close friends they enjoy rping with a lot. In fact, I'd say the goal of every rper is to find that sweet spot... that group where they are at the forefront of the action. I think as a community it's polite courtesy to help each other find that sweet spot... but it's not always going to happen right away, unfortunately. Sometimes characters just 'click', and sometimes you go through horrible dryspells

 

I like Dasair's suggestions, and I'd consider taking some of those up, along with more PMs or tells in game. Oftentimes the most work in rp is during the beginning. Finding that group or story you can plug into. But once you find it things will often get a lot easier and a lot more interesting. May I also suggestion perusing the linkshells forum and trying to make some acquaintances that way?

[K'nahli]

Chalk it up to a rough week of RP attempts, but I've been struggling lately to interact with others in character and actually get responses. I've approached a lot of people, asked them questions, and tried to generate conversation but it seems there are a lot of cliques and groups that kind of stick together and are difficult to breach that goes beyond just IC reasoning (which I totally understand - clearly some people have good reasons to be cold).

Aside from that, in worst cases, my emotes and text get ignored all together by other roleplayers (even when they're directed at someone by name) and I'm left feeling awkward and unwelcome. This has happened quite a bit in the last few days, as well -- they're not AFK, there's no chatspam making it difficult to follow, they just...don't...respond.

 

I guess I'm not sure what I hope to accomplish by posting this except maybe there's someone else who's having a similar trouble who can relate? Or maybe I'm a weird, freak occurrence and I'm giving off bad vibes or something, idk! I'm not looking for any kind of 'boohoo, poor me', just hoping for a bit of insight or camaraderie or something.

 

In any case, I'm still trying and putting myself out there, I just hope things take a turn for the better soon.

 

People occasionally make posts like these and while I don't really have much experience either way, I do empathise with it ;   It must be a horrible feeling to have your attempts refuted but all I can really suggest is that you keep trying and perhaps look for connections ahead of time on the forum here and organise meetings in-game and hope that randoms might join in with your group(perhaps that's more appealing to some?)

 

 

 

On an unrelated note, are you by chance married to Trenton Cador?

[Kurt S.]

Also if it makes you feel better, Fina, someone dubbed as peppy and motivated as me almost always gets shot down...like 90% of the time. So you're not alone! But I also know you don't want to RP with Kurt no moar ;_; But at least you're not alone!

 

Just keep throwing yourself at it...and if it gets too tiring, hey at least you have Trent to be with. Also OCC communication for the wine! I mean win!

[sforze]

On an unrelated note, are you by chance married to Trenton Cador?

 

Yep! Newly married this week~ Currently enjoying the privileges of dropping in on each other with ring-teleportation unannounced.

 

I do agree that cliques and friend groups aren't inherently bad things -- I hope I haven't given that impression, because...well, obviously they're inevitable and it's bananas to tell people not to hang out with people they like on a regular basis and give them your attention. That'd be nuts~ I just think it's important not to rest into a 'got mine' state of mind and forget that other people exist outside the circle.

 

Whatever the case, this thread has been plenty helpful and has given me a lot to think about, so I appreciate all the responses that have come from it.

[K'nahli]

On an unrelated note, are you by chance married to Trenton Cador?

 

Yep! Newly married this week~ Currently enjoying the privileges of dropping in on each other with ring-teleportation unannounced.

 

I do agree that cliques and friend groups aren't inherently bad things -- I hope I haven't given that impression, because...well, obviously they're inevitable and it's bananas to tell people not to hang out with people they like on a regular basis and give them your attention. That'd be nuts~ I just think it's important not to rest into a 'got mine' state of mind and forget that other people exist outside the circle.

 

Whatever the case, this thread has been plenty helpful and has given me a lot to think about, so I appreciate all the responses that have come from it.

 

Ahhh, hahaha. I was eavesdropping on his RP in the Quicksand for the past while and I noticed that you had the same (first) name that he mentioned. He's still there with three other people if you are interested and you don't know already. Although, at least two of them -may- be leaving soon. They sounded as though they were wrapping up until the fourth person came along.

 

Alothia was here too but it seems she left.

 

I don't typically RP in-game, but even should Trenton intend on leaving soon then I could try and set something up for you if I use a random character to perhaps act rudely to you... hopefully to garner the attention(and intervention) of onlookers? (I'll try and think of a softer means too, haha ; )

[Kage]

As I have taken an RP sabbatical if you will and don't know what the current RP situation is, I will say what I -think- may happen.

 

Some people are so inundated with very chatty Linkshells that though you may not have seen the chat as fast-scrolling theirs may be. I've had this same thing happen to me. Outside of RP. try to contact someone and not get a response past 30min later.

 

Another factor may just be tunnel visioning. Sometimes it's very easy to pay attention to the current group or persons that one is interacting with that they don't pay attention to other people emoting or directing conversation at them. (they may be only checking what people they know may be saying etc.)

 

Alt+tabbing is very real so unless they already have an idea that you may have said something to them (tunnel visioning) they may not notice it either.

[Aya]

Be positive! Be friendly! Communicate! (especially be positive and friendly when speaking OOC! Sometimes unfriendly characters can be fun, but they'll have more trouble making friends!)

 

Just keep trying, you'll have success :-]

[Volk]

Be positive! Be friendly! Communicate! (especially be positive and friendly when speaking OOC! Sometimes unfriendly characters can be fun, but they'll have more trouble making friends!)

 

Just keep trying, you'll have success :-]

 

So much this ^^^^