Your Gender vs. Your Character's

[Six]

 

An interesting note is that I have friends that are women that play men due to poor treatment they received on their female characters. Though they also say as a woman playing a man (a very well liked one), they get a lot of hostility OOC from men. Anyone else experience this?

 

I received poor treatment on my female characters from other female characters, but it always felt like it was more OOC crap THROUGH their characters than the characters, themselves.

 

Playing male characters, almost all of the attention I get is positive. My male characters are generally widely liked - which is a relief because I do prefer to play them. >.>

 

So far, every interaction I've had with OOC men due to RP has been pleasant. I have a couple of close friends who are males, and who know I play a male character (and one of them actually has a female who is in love with one of my male characters, ha). It's all about maturity in the end. Everyone I'm surrounded by is pretty mature, so the drama of old is thankfully very rare.

I've found that while on regular servers the male population can outnumber the female population, when it comes to RP servers it almost feels like the majority is female. Before I figured out red flags and hung out with reasonable people I noticed that there seems to be an idea of competition with some female players going on - kind of an extension of the IRL occurrence. When you've got people who are girls RPing girls and want an IC (maybe OOC too) relationship with a male character played by a male player stuff gets CRAZY - even moreso when the guys are limited.

 

Then you get the flipside on non RP servers with dudes falling over themselves for a female raider. :V

 

Common ground with both is just immaturity, yeah. I haven't gotten any drama from any other players regardless of gender since I've gotten some good people to hang out with. I don't really think it's down to your character in the end or your gender or whatever - just being around nice people. The prevalence of forums like this helps, too, I think - people are able to see how much a negative attitude robs them of.

[Kieron Lohengrin]

I've found that while on regular servers the male population can outnumber the female population, when it comes to RP servers it almost feels like the majority is female. Before I figured out red flags and hung out with reasonable people I noticed that there seems to be an idea of competition with some female players going on - kind of an extension of the IRL occurrence. When you've got people who are girls RPing girls and want an IC (maybe OOC too) relationship with a male character played by a male player stuff gets CRAZY - even moreso when the guys are limited.

 

This has happened to me in two other games and it is always weird

 

Yes, I'll tank for you or help you get your dream item, yes I'll DM a fun or life-changing event for your character and write cute forum RP post stories with them, just don't ask me to be the sole be-all end-all solution to your OOC anxiety / RL unhappiness with bf or husband / loneliness issues because that strays into weird territory

[Kerrath]

I've found that while on regular servers the male population can outnumber the female population, when it comes to RP servers it almost feels like the majority is female. Before I figured out red flags and hung out with reasonable people I noticed that there seems to be an idea of competition with some female players going on - kind of an extension of the IRL occurrence. When you've got people who are girls RPing girls and want an IC (maybe OOC too) relationship with a male character played by a male player stuff gets CRAZY - even moreso when the guys are limited.

 

Then you get the flipside on non RP servers with dudes falling over themselves for a female raider. :V

 

Common ground with both is just immaturity, yeah. I haven't gotten any drama from any other players regardless of gender since I've gotten some good people to hang out with. I don't really think it's down to your character in the end or your gender or whatever - just being around nice people. The prevalence of forums like this helps, too, I think - people are able to see how much a negative attitude robs them of.

 

This is (sort of) my experience too? I played on Mal'Ganis in WoW. If I were to hear that Mal'Ganis was 97% male 3% female, I would believe it. In fact, I'd think they were overestimating how many women played on that server. 

 

TBH though, I only really had one horror story about someone harassing a female player on that server. We had this hunter who harassed our female ret paladin to the point that we chose to kick him over it. TBH there were other confounding issues that led to the kick, but the bottom line is that he was also harassing her. The rest of us treated her the same as any other raid member: we only really cared about her dps and we would make fun of her for messing up just like we would only really care about anyone else's dps and make fun of them for messing up. the ret pally was good. she farmed content all day, didn't start any shit, helped everyone out--stellar team player. the only other female player we ever had lasted maybe a week. she was a low performer. when we confronted her on it, she attempted to use her female status to curry favor with us. kicked her. we had no other female players in our guild.

 

playing on balmung blew my mind how many female players there were. i didn't really see so many female players that male ones are a scarce resource to be fought over.

 

idk. i mean i know a lot of people who meet online, and i think that's great--met my girlfriend on a forum--but i don't think online is an ideal place to actively seek out a romantic partner.

[Chidori]

Female that plays females.

 

I DO like playing different kinds of characters, my two mains are vastly different from each other. I have even played a few males for FC plots, short term - do a-ok. But I do struggle with RP'ing a male long term. I may give it another shot, I have a design I like and wouldn't mind using.

 

When it comes to sexuality/romance and my characters, that tends to be secondary. I was new to MMO RP and that never really came up when I played D&D back in the day.

 

As far as what my partners gender is RL? Don't care, I am comfy with writing with whoever. Whether it is a woman playing a male or vice versa.

[Shadottie]

This all has been really interesting to read.  I'm kind of a mix-- lady playing both males and females. I lean more towards writing as men.  Picking up male characters was a result of my girl characters constantly getting interest-checks for romantic RP or pickup dates. They were seen more as tools for shippy plots than as characters that have far more to them than the romantic aspect of a story.  I shelved them for a long time, until creative wells dried up as far as playing dudes went.

 

Pointed out in a post above, I did see a lot of aggression from other male characters, for what girls I was rping with on my dude. Maybe it's a guy thing?? idk. I took it with a grain of salt that my lady friends were suffering from the same I did-- people only there for the hookup rp and my guy's in the way. I'd get whispers questioning if characters were dating, or what my character's relationship was to the other, or even go as far as the dangerous ooc/ic bleed. It was tiresome, and in time turned my male characters into that protective role for romancestuff when characters did hookup-- than explore any other aspect of stories and adventure.

 

I love me some fluffs as much as the next guy, but I explore all sorts of characters for their flaws, stories and adventure to share with others! ;u;

[ZOMGodzilla]

I'm a male that plays mostly female characters. I couldn't say exactly when it had become a habit, but there certainly was a time many years ago in which I'd started to play (almost exclusively) female characters, and I think it had simply become custom for me. Self-perpetuated until I became more comfortable playing women than men. I couldn't say for certain how well I play them, but I'd like to think I've picked up good "habits" and conceptions on how to play the opposite gender better over the years.

 

I've also developed, thankfully, an ability to separate my sexuality from my characters', so I don't experience much trouble with having my female characters pursue relationships with men (IC/OOC or otherwise).

[ExAtomos]

Some things I've noticed over the years:

 

• Maturity makes a hell of a lot of difference in how someone RPs.
  
• Empathy makes a HUGE difference between someone who can only "roleplay" as themselves or actually portraying a character that is different from themselves to the point that they can play multiple characters and you wouldn't realize it's the same player behind the screen (this is what I always strive for).
  
• Skill at storytelling and writing can make a huge difference too.
  
• How you talk in ooc chat can clue people in to who you are irl faster than anything and will affect how they respond to your character. (I tested this myself by hiding the fact that I was the same person behind two different characters for a while in my old FC.)
  
• My FC back on Atomos was about 1/3 female players (fewer server wide); Balmung seems to be about 1/2.
  

[Delilah Scythewood]

Years ago I used to main male characters in games like WoW, Rift, and on some old forum RPs. I didn't like the attention I got on some of them and how people would get the wrong impression about myself as a player (that because our characters were involved, suddenly the players and I were dating being a common misconception. Or, as a runner-up, that I was pretending to be a dude irl and 'tricking' others because many of my characters had ding-dongs).

 

I noticed that I had less of these problems on my female characters and that the problems I came across while playing a lady were waaaayyyyy easier to handle. So I swapped and never went back.

 

I do have some male characters both in-game and in other RPs. I have a male xaela whose design I'm immensely proud of, but he's still level one.

 

Maybe one day I'll get comfortable enough to actively play male characters. Until then, however, I'm content to stick with my ladies.

[Faye]

I am a woman who mostly plays female characters. They're more fun to dress up, and in general I relate to them and enjoy writing them more. I will admit that playing a female character, it can be hard finding other female characters for her to really connect with on anything above a surface level. Granted, I suppose the trade off is that while finding male connections for her is much easier, most of them are just after ERP or an IC and/or OOC romance which isn't that great, either.

 

But I do still enjoy playing male characters and having some male eye candy, so I usually keep around a couple male alts. My experiences on them can sometimes be a little uncomfortable, I guess? I've met female characters in RP who have been very pushy about romance, and I feel like would have lost all interest if they knew I was a woman IRL. I've met new players with female avatars who asked me for help and proceeded to flirt with me the entire time. I'm presuming they assumed I was a man IRL. I don't know if they were actually women, too, or dudes playing female characters who thought they'd get some gil and items out of me if they e-batted their eyelashes at me thinking I was some thirsty nerd dude lol.

 

I guess either way, I feel like I am assumed to be my character's gender, but it gets to me more on male characters, not necessarily because that assumption is incorrect unlike assuming I'm a girl because I'm on a female character, but because I feel like if I said I was actually a girl, I'd get flak for "deceiving" people when I never tried to present myself as male OOC? That's mostly anxiety talking since I've never tested it outright, but the feeling is there.

[Frederique]

I'm a female, used to only play female in MMOs, but RPed as men in other RP platforms.

 

Then one day I picked up a male elf mage in WoW and I haven't really be able to go back to a female since.

 

The lines are starting to blur a bit. My main male is definitely a man, but he has a lot of 'feminine' qualities, another male is very much a testosterone full man, but he has no concept of feminine or masculine. I really wanted him to wear a dress when I first started with him for no other reason than he thought it looked good on him, but sadly, no dresses for men. The one female I play dresses exclusively like a man.

 

I usually refer to someone by their character gender, but more recently been giving a they/them/their pronoun. There have been a few times I outright ask what they prefer to be referred as and not once have I been berated for asking. Even been thanked a few times.

[Rance]

I play both genders and I swing towards both genders, so is a win-win situation for me and everyone involved.

Of course, whenever I feel like playing a different type of character it also opens plenty of options.

[Talamh]

As someone who crossed the gender/sex line from one to the other and played both Male / Female characters - The most people who have an issue with what you play are the kind of people who either themselves are insecure or been too easily influenced by others with negative opinions regarding it.

 

Regardless of server or person I speak to, I always address them as - Character is a female, then it's a she. Character is a male? Then it's a he - Unless otherwise stated of course, like if I meet another one like myself, then I will always refer to them the way they want to be.

 

So with that out of the way:

 

Always play whatever it is you want, and roleplay it to your heart's desire.

You never know what you may find out about yourself, and in the end it will be a learning experience.

As for people giving you flak well, that's their problem as I mentioned above.

 

If you are an aspiring writer, you definitely need to look at things from a multitude of angles.

 

Personally, I tend to avoid playing Male characters because to me, they are a part I left behind and I find that most Male characters I play just tend to end up shitty. Of course I can write interesting male characters ( I think at least? ), I'm just not good at acting one. So my characters are all Females.

 

So.. So there! :roll:

[Shofie]

I'm nonbinary and my main is female, but I have male characters I rather enjoy as well. I am comfortable playing either.

 

I've not really run into problems with it, but I'm pretty reclusive and shy, and my characters aren't interested in finding romantic RP (one is married, the others I just don't do it with) so that shuts down a lot of people, I think, since they aren't looking for hookups or anything with my characters or me.

[Kaiverta]

I'm nonbinary and my main is female, but I have male characters I rather enjoy as well. I am comfortable playing either.

 

I've not really run into problems with it, but I'm pretty reclusive and shy, and my characters aren't interested in finding romantic RP (one is married, the others I just don't do it with) so that shuts down a lot of people, I think, since they aren't looking for hookups or anything with my characters or me.

 

I actually prefer to NOT get into romantic relationships, mostly because the other person is always unreliable >.> Characters can be together for a week (after knowing each other for months or years), or months, and then suddenly they'll 'get busy' (which is fine, ofc) and then don't message at all to at least let me know what the characters would be getting up to. Or what's going on with the relationship. Takes two minutes. >.> And it's especially suss when they're online but either don't message you, or are on another character but they are 'too busy' to give you two minutes to OOCly talk about what the couple are up to? Bah. Anyway, that's a different rant.

 

So yes, I prefer to not get into romantic RP relationships but sometimes it's difficult. I like to let the characters write themselves, and when they've known each other for months and years and have had consistent interaction, sometimes that's just the way it develops (just like in real life, naturally).

 

I haven't played a female character for... yeeaaars. Unless you count NPCs. I write those every so often.

[Dis]

I tend to be very flexible when it comes to my own gender. In-game, it's pretty much the same. I have male characters who are very much male, I have females who are very much female, and I have males who present feminine, and females who present more masculine. I tend to play based on the character and concept more than the gender. 

 

That said, I've had people convinced I was two different individuals, one of each gender, after RPing with one of my male characters, and one of my females. I literally had to log out of one and into the other to prove I wasn't two different people.

 

I'm always of the opinion that people should RP whatever they want. If only because the gender of the player doesn't matter nearly as much as the gender of the character during IC interactions. Sadly, there are still some people out there who use RPing as a means of 'hooking up' IRL, and that leads to unfortunate and uncomfortably awkward situations.

 

I sadly speak from personal experience.

[Nero]

For my "main" characters, I've only ever roleplayed as males, though the reason I play only males is really just for the sense of aesthetic since all my MMO characters are male. I'm far too lazy to have alts, especially just for the sake of roleplaying.

 

That said, I am somewhat wary of writing female characters, mostly because I'm not particularly good at narratively expressing traditional femininity; most of my female characters invariably end up as masculine characters that happen to have tits. In other words, if I don't have a specific reason to make a character female (e.g. approaching feminist themes through the lens of a character necessitates that said character be female, otherwise it runs the risk of being decidedly condescending), then I just make them male for the reason of aesthetic.

[Damien]

For FFXIV I just have the one male character, and being male myself it's pretty standard.

 

I've RPd in the past on female characters though - I began it partly because I was already on an RP realm and RPing, but if I wanted another character of the same race I already had a male of, I'd make the character female for some greater visual disparity, different animations etc. I'd like to think any of my characters could work well enough as either a male or female, they still have an identity that better suits one or the other.

 

On that note, I've never felt like there's a knack to playing a man or a woman and personally I don't think it need be anything complex. The fact that my male characters are male is no more relevant to who they are than it is to my female characters being female. 

 

As for the risk of lashback you might get for being opposite to what you are in-game, if you think about it, there's just no getting around the fact that some people are just going to assume, which is fine. But for the sake of a good story it doesn't matter if the author is male or female, and so it shouldn't really matter who's behind the character.

 

This isn't as much of an issue if you don't get involved in romance or ERP, unless you don't mind. You could either be up front about it all the way and just tell people, or just tell no-one. Personally I'm in favour of the latter; the less people know about you OOCly, the more they know you as your character and not a player.

[Cammi speed]

While I haven't started RPing in XIV yet, I've RPed on various other things like IMVU and MSN to name a few. And I always choose female. But I never thoguht about it other than - Oh I can make characters in a 3D program.- I also draw and write comics so the character gender doesn't matter to me as I can write for both. But it's more fun and whatnot to make female characters in games for me. - alot of that has to do with males just suck when it comes to options for me. Plus I liek making cute characters that kick butt.- 

 

hmm to make a clearer answer I've just always made females in games if I had the option. It's fun to make them up and get inside their head and exploring who they are. This is for any character, their gender doesn't REALLY matter. But they really do give females better animations and options for clothes. A female monk/miqo'te looks so much more cool to me.. almost like it was the default.

[Kaiverta]

It's great to see that this topic is still going. I had no idea it would elicit such a big response. Thanks, everyone~

[Alexandra Leyland]

I'm a woman, and I usually play female characters. I had more men than women for a couple years, but now... literally every character I have in FFXIV is a woman, so maybe it was a phase?

[Koti Nexus]

I tend to actually play men, while being a woman rl myself. Like you, I just find it more enjoyable and easier to keep up a massive 4th wall between myself and my character.

 

For some reason, when I create a female character, that 4th wall is thinner and that tends to bother me. There are times I can create a female and keep that 4th wall up, but I still know there are greater weaknesses in its design.

 

I also find that I get better roleplay experience when playing a male character than a female. I have an idea as to why this is, but I rather avoid the topic, cause it also could just become a massive mound of salt (the curse of gaming as long as I have and roleplaying. You've seen a ton and you have put up with a ton too as a female gamer).

 

In short, I think the other reason I play men over my own gender, not just cause they are fun to play, but also for their damn good looks (I like dressin' them fine), but I tend to get more respect (but again, see salt levels ).

[Stormfalcon]

I've played both genders in my decades of playing MMOs, but I would have to say that most of my characters have been female.  Of course, there's the fact that they usually wind up looking better, at least in my eyes.  However, there's also the challenge of playing a gender you're not, as well as getting an idea of how things are on the other side of the fence.  As someone who's done writing as a hobby in the past, I also find it helpful in improving how I write female characters, though it's not always a perfect tool for that.

 

It can be a bit tricky when it comes to ERP however.  I've done it in the past, though I haven't been involved with it in the past few years at least (and not certain if I'd get back into it again).  It's a tricky matter trying to figure out if you're acting and reacting as the opposite gender would in intimate situations, or as you fantasizing how they would do so instead.  And of course, there's the risk of things getting messy if you let on to your RL gender in a haphazard or ill-thought-out manner.

 

Having read through this thread, I must say that this has been the most mature discussion of the topic I've seen in a long time.  Too many other places, when the topic of playing the opposite gender comes up, it usually and quickly devolves into people passing judgement on others for the way they enjoy RPGs that seems icky and perverted in their eyes.  I'm glad that this is getting a much more level-headed discussion here in this community!

[Kaiverta]

I'm a woman, and I usually play female characters. I had more men than women for a couple years, but now... literally every character I have in FFXIV is a woman, so maybe it was a phase?

That's quite possible, yes. An informative phase, where you learned something, no doubt.

[Kaiverta]

 

Having read through this thread, I must say that this has been the most mature discussion of the topic I've seen in a long time.  Too many other places, when the topic of playing the opposite gender comes up, it usually and quickly devolves into people passing judgement on others for the way they enjoy RPGs that seems icky and perverted in their eyes.  I'm glad that this is getting a much more level-headed discussion here in this community!

 

ERPGs can be quite troublesome, if only because the other person might not react well, or might get clingy, etc. I prefer to NOT get involved in ERPGs but sometimes by characters just develop that way with others over long periods of interaction. It can't always be helped.

 

But as you said, this time the conversation is getting mature answers and reactions. Sometimes, people are not so mature and they ruin it for everyone else. Thankfully, that has not happened here.

[GendoThulhu]

On 8/10/2017 at 9:33 AM, Six said:

I've found that while on regular servers the male population can outnumber the female population, when it comes to RP servers it almost feels like the majority is female. Before I figured out red flags and hung out with reasonable people I noticed that there seems to be an idea of competition with some female players going on - kind of an extension of the IRL occurrence. When you've got people who are girls RPing girls and want an IC (maybe OOC too) relationship with a male character played by a male player stuff gets CRAZY - even moreso when the guys are limited.

 

Then you get the flipside on non RP servers with dudes falling over themselves for a female raider. :V

 

Common ground with both is just immaturity, yeah. I haven't gotten any drama from any other players regardless of gender since I've gotten some good people to hang out with. I don't really think it's down to your character in the end or your gender or whatever - just being around nice people. The prevalence of forums like this helps, too, I think - people are able to see how much a negative attitude robs them of.

This.  Very much this.  As a male RPer who normally plays males?  This is a common thing not just in FFXIV but in other RP formats as well.  I can not count the number of times I've gotten some variation of "OMG, a straight male RPer!!!"...   It is always a bit odd (and usually makes me keep those people at a severe arms length).

For myself, I normally play male characters. I do have female alts, but most are not Rped.  I simply don't feel I portray them well enough!  Yes, there is the old standby of "play as a person, not a gender", but realistically?  Women and men react to things and think about things differently.  
Not that I am against doing so.  And I do have a couple ideas floating about in the back of my head for eventual RP.  ERP wise? yeaaahhh...that (as mentioned above) can be another "line crossing thing" for a lot of people. To me, it has to have a place in the STORY. Not be the point of it. And it is something I am extremely picky about including to begin with. Bad experiences. <shudders>

Besides, the emotional side of any relationship is the interesting part to write, to me. The rest is a cherry on the sundae, and an excellent writing exercise (because it can be SO repetitive), but what really matters? how characters relate and react emotionally. <gets back on tangent>

Mostly, I am comfortable playing males...and as someone else mentioned, as I've gotten older I've seen less and less "crazy who can't differentiate IC and OOC borders".  Which is a good thing...

People who get upset about RL gender and IC gender being different often seem a bit younger and more "hidebound" in their views.  I mean, it is your character interacting with their character.  NOT you...  It is like being a villain.  IC I have played several villains, from the stereotypical Dirk Dasterdly, mustache twirling black cloak of yesteryear to more "modern" depraved and cruel types.  As well as villains who are only villains because their goals are in opposition to everyone else.
And villains often get the same thing as someone playing another gender:  People get upset OOC, rather than IC.  And I think it is a similar way of thinking.  People blur their lines...