MMOs and Fairweather Friends

[Melodia]

Thank you for your input all.

 

I...think some of this thread actually made me more depressed, if that's possible? @_@

[Oroban]

I've found most RP'ers in MMOs tend to be very clique-ish.  It's no more egregious behavior than raiders demanding levels of item score or knowledge and is viciously unwelcoming.

 

So, yea...I know this feel, Melodia.  Perhaps it's taken too close to vest but it also doesn't make one feel enfolded.

That would be why despite being i113, I haven't been past t5 because I'd only ever go with a full group of people I know and would enjoy going with, because I don't pay to play a game to get berated by strangers. Hopefully soon we'll get  the last few people we need..

[Steel Wolf]

Thank you for your input all.

 

I...think some of this thread actually made me more depressed, if that's possible? @_@

 

Do please elaborate? :<

 

*readies a bag of Roehugs*

[Zhavi]

Thank you for your input all.

 

I...think some of this thread actually made me more depressed, if that's possible? @_@

 

I think a lot of people wind up with social acquaintances over friends, especially online where there are so many people. I'm an introvert. Too much social interaction wears me out; it's why I actively avoid making new friends in person (social contacts, yes. Actual friend-friends, no) -- I can barely give the few I have quality time, so why want more?

 

It's the same in game. If people have a lot of social interactions, chances are most of them won't be friends-friends; simply put, their attention will be too spread out to focus enough on more than a select few. And in that vein, they probably mean well, but ... are just too spread out. Especially if there's multiple things they want to do; I've been known to forget about things I said I was going to do, particularly if I thought (for some reason) that I was waiting on the other person for something. Ooops. Your best bet is open communication.

 

But, I dunno, to me -- I don't make many friends online, for the same reason I don't make friends in person. Yes, I like a wide number of people and yes, I always try to be available if someone needs a sympathetic ear, but until you know the names of some of the people important to me in person, my name, and I know your name and some of your important people and other details about your life -- until I'm actively engaging you in communication outside of the game and checking up on you every so often -- I don't consider us friends. Doesn't mean I don't regard people positively or would be adverse to becoming friends, but to me there are many social levels between someone I just met and someone I'll set my personal time aside for when things go south for the other person.

 

That said, <3s and hugs.

 

edit - to clarify, perhaps some of it is that the type of friends you want to be and the type of friends/acquaintances the other party/ies want to be are two separate things.

 

BUT I'M YOUR FRIEND SO THAT COUNTS FOR SOMETHING RIGHT?!

[Lost River]

Thank you for your input all.

 

I...think some of this thread actually made me more depressed, if that's possible? @_@

 

 

Why would that be? Nooo.

 

Also, *offers Roehugs too* Cause we're so rare, you get double the rareness. Yay.

[Kage]

I've had instances where sometimes someone will /em me and I don't notice because I've been using my second monitor or things scroll too quickly that I don't notice it til later. And then it's too late And then I /cry

 

/tells are the best bet because they also come with a nice sound message and they also are a much different color than what I have for /say and /em because they're usually for RP so I have them color-coded that way...

 

And then other times it's like that awkward thing where you see someone in real life. You both look into each others' eyes. And you don't know if they're actually saying hi and giving you a nod in greeting or if it's... just... courtesy...

[g0ne]

Thank you for your input all.

 

I...think some of this thread actually made me more depressed, if that's possible? @_@

 

Woe be to me!! I have failed!! Failed to cheer you up!! :frustrated:

 

*buries self in quilt and curses self*

 

...

 

That aside, lighten up, chill, relax. 'Tis nothing. Do you want chocolate? I have a Galaxy bar within arm's length.

[Aeylis Bloodbinder]

Eh honestly, you should treat most people from MMO's like one-stands because they tend to be quite similar.  It's way easier for them to use and abuse, then throw away since its the internet. 

 

I'd honestly suggest, for your sake, to just take people with a grain of salt upon meeting them. Hell, maybe not even adding them immediately.  Wait for a few encounters, then make a decision if you should befriend them.  Honestly, if you don't bump into them without them being on your friendslist, it might be a bit of trouble to try to ever coordinate RP times, or even social times.

 

As soon as someone stops talking to me by about 80%, I normally get wary and throw them on the //I-guess-you're-just-a-random-now/// list and eventually erase them.

 

i know its hard to sometimes shake the feels, but you just gotta think that most are just lame people on the internet, not worthy of your time.

[Delilah Scythewood]

Thank you for your input all.

 

I...think some of this thread actually made me more depressed, if that's possible? @_@

 

Woe be to me!! I have failed!! Failed to cheer you up!! :frustrated:

 

*buries self in quilt and curses self*

 

...

 

That aside, lighten up, chill, relax. 'Tis nothing. Do you want chocolate? I have a Galaxy bar within arm's length.

Don't let it get you down And take the candy!

 

I've gone through the same thing as you, Mel. Though it hasn't happened to me recently (last person I think was near the beginning of the summer), I just try to take it in stride. Especially if you ask someone to do something and they're like 'nah, don't feel like it', then do it with someone else, best to shake it off. Or, hell, even ask for clarification. If they blatantly ignore you at that point, best to chug forward.

 

But usually best to ask straight up. I'll admit to being oversensitive in some areas so I usually ask bluntly just to see. And if asking bluntly gets you no where or they don't even respond, etc. then focus on those that give you the time of day

 

But also keep in mind sometimes people get in a weird mood and semi isolate themselves with one or two people that help them the best with whatever they're going through personally. In those instances, it's never anything personal unless said otherwise.

[Aris]

I haven't really anything insightful to add but, just to say, I know how you're feeling. :blush:

[111]

People come and go!

 

Though it's always exciting to see an orange name you haven't seen in forever.

 

Lots of people have complicated real life situations, and I don't judge too much. It's only a game, after all.

[Kellach Woods]

I'd say one of the reasons why I don't interact with a lot of folks at a time. Usually what happens is I take it personally when they never bother to talk to me again, and initiating is like a no-no because I figure if they wanted to talk to me they'd do so.

[Unnamed Mercenary]

I'd say one of the reasons why I don't interact with a lot of folks at a time. Usually what happens is I take it personally when they never bother to talk to me again, and initiating is like a no-no because I figure if they wanted to talk to me they'd do so.

 

But what if they have that -exact- same mentality? Two people waiting for the other will be a very, very, very quiet encounter.  Someone's gotta start a conversation somewhere, right?

[K'nahli]

Throughout all of the online games I've played, in most cases, if not all, then 90%+ of my friends list are usually people I don't have much interaction with if any at all. If people want to add me to their friend's list then I'd feel rude to reject it normally so I merely accept it, even if I found them nice when I met them; though I'm not always in the state of mind where I just want to socialise and become closer with new people. I have always been someone who holds a few close friends and then holds everyone else more or less to the same degree.

 

Having said that, I'd never deliberately mistreat anyone, even those people who go out of their way to be super friendly to you when in reality you have no interest in being their friend(without meaning to sound mean, but it's just not how it works with me personally).

[Kage]

because I figure if they wanted to talk to me they'd do so.

This is me.

 

And this is why many people who may want to converse with me probably never do.

[Melodia]

My main concern is, I am a pretty lonely person irl and somewhat in the game. Because of poor interactions with many and people generally not talking, I end up taking things so very personally even though I shouldn't. I latch onto the smallest kindness as it makes me feel good irl. Like a little cure spell in a dungeon run. *bling* +342

 

But because I take it personally, I get this fragile mentality and it //does// affect my rp as I get leary of approaching new people. Saying hello IC to a stranger? EEEP!! *runs*

 

Like a vicious cycle. :frustrated:

[Steel Wolf]

Eeeeyup, I know where you're at. It's worse when one enjoys playing the leading classes like tanking because you're expected to be a spear point in the assault and you're just saddled with worry that you'll be awful in front in front of all of these strangers and OHGAWD HALP!!

 

So...yea...you find a random act of kindness and kinda cling on. Maybe get a bit disappointed when it wasn't really a deeper connection attempt.

 

I guess my suggestion to you would be to just...poke around if you can. Here on the RPC is a good place to start. Find some people who you interact with. Maybe see if you can't meet them in-game. I'm not saying kick down the doors and break in to a Bob Fosse number to make an impression, but just explore options. Sniff around, timidly if need be.

 

Speaking for at least myself, I'm more than always open to some random interaction, here or in-game, IC'ly or otherwise. For serious. I'm awash in this game, lost and kinda feeling alone, behind a curve and hiding in a crowd. It absolutely sucks, and I am MORE than willing to be a person you can reach out to for the hell of it.

 

Seriously.

 

<3

[Aris]

I'd say one of the reasons why I don't interact with a lot of folks at a time. Usually what happens is I take it personally when they never bother to talk to me again, and initiating is like a no-no because I figure if they wanted to talk to me they'd do so.

 

But what if they have that -exact- same mentality? Two people waiting for the other will be a very, very, very quiet encounter.  Someone's gotta start a conversation somewhere, right?

 

Also, a relationship takes two. If it's always me instigating conversation, it would put me off that they aren't making any effort, or suggest that they don't want to talk any further.

[Melodia]

 

 

Also, a relationship takes two. If it's always me instigating conversation, it would put me off that they aren't making any effort, or suggest that they don't want to talk any further.

^ This. Especially that second sentence. If I am trying and making every effort but continue to get walls or silence, I can't help but take that as a giant middle finger to me.

[Yhen Yizeh]

People are fickle and only really care about what you're doing for them now, not what you have done.

[Zhavi]

 

^ This. Especially that second sentence. If I am trying and making every effort but continue to get walls or silence, I can't help but take that as a giant middle finger to me.

 

Sometimes it's good to take a step back. Some people are like me, and you know that sometimes I don't respond -- either I'm overwhelmed with something else going on, or I'm afk, or I just didn't see the alert/message/whatever. If it happens persistently and you've tried alternate means of contact then yeah, I totally get the 'oh, huh, guess they don't really look at me the same way I do them' -- and that does hurt.

 

Buuut y'know. Give the benefit of the doubt first. And then try to talk. Sometimes all it takes is a 'hey, is everything okay?' or a 'I noticed ____, wanna talk about it?' to get things moving. I have misunderstandings with people too, and generally (there are exceptions) all it takes is that initial probe to check in to settle things out. Just make sure you don't put pressure on them and come at it with a positive attitude; if someone is already feeling negative in some way or overwhelmed or stressed or whatever and they get a feeling like you're upset with them, the last thing they're gonna wanna do is talk.

 

Cuz I mean, hell, I had a very close friend who I roomed with awhile back tell me I was too needy right after all the shit imploded in my personal life. Talk about a big ouch! I had to step back, assess how I was acting, not talk to him for a day or two, and then go back in and talk about it. Things are back to being cool, and, y'know, I was relying on him for more support then I should have, considering the dynamic between us (normally I go to my very close girlfriends for that kinda stuff, but they were dealing with crap of their own and I didn't want to overload them >>).

 

Everyone is different, everyone reacts to social situations and cues differently. Sometimes all it takes is taking a step back and re-assessing, going in for a neutral conversation, and building back up. Other times you just gotta accept that the individual(s) in question just isn't interested in the same sort of social interaction you are -- that or the communication styles are too different. I'm not that great of a conversationalist, so I don't usually start conversations. When I have something to say, I say it. Otherwise I'm pretty quiet.

[Kellach Woods]

Not saying I don't give the benefit of the doubt. Just that the benefit runs out FAST. It's something I need to work on, but it doesn't help when you just don't know that many people. If you can fall back on others or other stuff, then the blow stings a whole lot less.

 

I'm also not used to having more than one person I can rely on for shit, and even that is... not something I'm used to. At all.

 

EDIT : For future reference, you can't receive tells in a duty

[Coatleque]

For my part, I am typically a quiet person. My friends list is 99% people who added me first. And I rarely send people tells unless it's to clarify something from RP. Doesn't mean I don't like people. I'm just not one who engages others.

[Telluride]

But because I take it personally, I get this fragile mentality and it //does// affect my rp as I get leary of approaching new people. Saying hello IC to a stranger? EEEP!! *runs*

 

 

That *seems* like one of the hardest things in the world, doesn't it? Going up to another character, and making contact, taking a chance, starting something?

 

It does seem hard. Step into the Quicksand, and what do we too often see? People lined up along the railing, like spectators at a play. Remember that - like spectators, i.e. people who have not come to participate, but simply to watch. If that's all you want, is to watch, then all is fine. However, I share a joke with a few other RP contacts of mine that nobody in the Quicksand gets as much play as the rail, that sexy rail, the target of hands, buttocks, hips, and sometimes feet (you crouching Miqo'te men).

 

But just as speech teachers often say to think of your listeners as being naked, think that most, of not all, of the people hanging at the Quicksand are there because they want to see RP. They crave it, they desire it... but that dread too often stifles the first move.

 

But I say, go recite the Litany Against Fear, and jump in!

 

I've even made it a game with a few people, from time to time, for me to go to the Quicksand, pick any random toon, and go engage said toon, with the rule that whoever is with me MUST support whatever narrative I use to start something up, even if it's silly. I don't mind helping people meet, but I may demand my tribute if I am thus used

 

In all seriousness, though, the majority of long-term, well-developed RP I have ever had started with me approaching someone, or being approached, apparently at random in an open RP setting. It CAN and DOES happen. Believe it. Because too often, we're too busy being intimidated to simply walk up, slap that armored rum... er, sorry, was projecting.

 

Give that other RPer the chance and the approach that YOU would want, and just DO it. They won't all be winning combinations, but even the weird ones can be very entertaining.

 

And if you ever see Nathan at the Quicksand, ask him to share a glass of Madjack Red.

[Kage]

or the communication styles are too different.  I'm not that great of a conversationalist, so I don't usually start conversations.  When I have something to say, I say it.  Otherwise I'm pretty quiet.

I'm a horrible conversationalist. I don't speak unless I have something to say or I have a train of thought. otherwise I'm pretty silent. People get mad at me because it sounds like I'm ignoring them but in reality I'm either doing something that I don't know how to multitask the two things or I'm just listening and I don't have something to say.

 

In reality most of my interactions with people are almost "reactive" in nature.