Is RP just a way for people to hook up these days?

[Averis]

Call me old, but I remember when RP was about immersion and "living" in the world you play in. ERP was looked down upon because roleplayers didn't want to come off as creeps just looking to cyber. Now it seems to have flipped and RP is just a way for people to hook up. Everywhere I look, especially on Balmung, it seem to be full of Miqo and now Au Ra that are just looking for a "good time." Look on the connections section and it's a lot of people looking for "romance" or flat out state they are prostitutes. I know this was always around (Goldshire), but it seems to be much more prevalent and out in the open these days than it's ever been.

 

It honestly makes me not want to RP anymore. I'm not looking for a date or ERP... Maybe I just don't fit with the "new" RP crowd.

 

It's really pretty sad. I'm really curious what your take is on this. Is this just me or do others see this too?

[Nero]

For the sake of avoiding sweeping generalisations, the RP crowd is exactly the same now as it was "back then", ERP and cybering included. The only difference is that RP as a hobby is now bigger, and therefore finding whatever you're interested in through random chance is statistically less likely.

 

Bear in mind that where you're looking for RP is just as important as what kind of RP you're looking for. Join an FC, or read some people's IC posts and reach out to them OOCly if they interest you. It's easy to wallflower around RP hubs and shake one's walking stick at all those damn kids who seem to be having so much fun, but what you're looking for is really not as out of reach as it may seem to be.

[Teadrinker]

Everyone has their own facet of RP that works for them. That includes the narrative equivalents of the folk at bars prowling for a good time. Some characters are floosies. It happens and it's ok.

 

In the end everyone is doing their own thing and none if it is wrong. The best thing you can do is find a likeminded group of folk and RP with them. FFXIV's RP community is huge they ARE out there I promise. If you'd like we could even meet up for some RP later in the week if you'd like. I can recommend some communities as well.

 

Everyone has what they like and what they prefer to do and coexisting is much more enjoyable.

[ArmachiA]

Uldah? Uldah.*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(I'm joking before people get their panties in a twist about how Ul'dah really does have good rp)

[Dravus]

First things first, know that you're not alone! I've been on Balmung for a few years now and it has most definitely been a culture shock in regards to how blatant many people are about their desire to pursue erotic and romance based role-play. Back on the WoW server I played on in the European servers it was much less common to see it given such a heavy focus.

 

Some people do it well, of course, but you're not wrong in believing that it can be excessive. I've been burned quite a few times due to people approaching me with an offer for role-play only to then abandon me once they realise my character isn't going to sleep with them within a matter of hours - or even minutes of meeting them.

 

In other cases, weeks or even months of role-play have been rendered meaningless due to contacts suddenly deciding that established connections and plot points are to be ignored in favour of prioritising their character's romantic and/or sexual exploits above all else.

 

Yet don't be discouraged - there's still those of us who are more interested in long term, character driven role-play that doesn't lead into rolling around in the bedroom. My advice would be to specifically keep an eye out for role-players who are eager to head out into the game world over attending 'tavern nights' or 'date auctions'.

 

Just prepare yourself for disappointments - and then dust yourself and renew your efforts. If the idea of heading out into the game world on some sort of adventure appeals to you, feel free to hit me up because there's a good chance that we may be able to work something out!

[ArmachiA]

In other cases, weeks or even months of role-play have been rendered meaningless due to established contacts deciding that established connections and plot points are to be ignored in favour of prioritising their character's romantic and/or sexual exploits above all else.

 

 

Can I say that was something I didn't see coming? My character got married and after that she was far less sought after for RP. It was actually a little shocking.

[Lydia Lightfoot]

A cold truth of RP is that for a substantial chunk of the crowd, they struggle with real-world social anxiety or other situations which make establishing in-person friendships and relationships challenging for them. In the world of our imagination, however, such a person can be whomever they wish, and can do what they wish they might be able to do in real life, if only they were able. For many, that's finding acceptance and love. The pursuit of romantic RP (and even sexual RP) isn't inherently creepy, it's just a coping mechanism for a lot of people.

 

For others, it's just one element of a fully-realized story arc. Our literature and media are replete with tales in which, even if the overall story has nothing to do with the pursuit of romance, nevertheless include characters who fall in love and deal with relationship turmoil (even if they really ought to be waiting for all of that until they've finished impeding the imminent resurrection of Carnage Emperor Zoglorth). 

 

Your mileage may vary, but my experience has been that I get out of RP more-or-less what I put into it. That means if I want long-term character friendships and story arcs wherein the acquisition of love is but an aspect rather than a priority, I must be prepared to take it upon myself to provide that story arc, to seek out others who are of a like mind, and to keep at arm's length those who too readily seem willing to try and attach their character to mine in a manner which as her storyteller I'm not yet prepared to accept. I can't expect that others will change their behavior based on my own interests and expectations - we don't lack for roleplayers, so let them find their needs met with someone else, as I will.

[Averis]

I certainly don't mind if that's what people are interested in. And I'm no prude by any stretch. I love a cute and sexy character as much as anyone.  My only point is how upfront people just seems to be about ERP in our community as a whole. I think it has a lot to do with how MMOs and gaming have become much more accepted than when it was mostly a niche.

 

As Graeham stated, it seems like many RP opportunities turn into that more often than it used to. For many that's a bit... intimidating and awkward. I guess it used to seem more obvious if that's what you were getting into than it does now. If that makes sense.

 

There is obviously no easy solution, but I do wish we had a better means to advertise what we're looking for in game like you can in, say, WoW with its RP add-ons. That would likely lessen some of these things for everyone involved.

[Lydia Lightfoot]

As Graeham stated, it seems like many RP opportunities turn into that more often than it used to. For many that's a bit... intimidating and awkward. I guess it used to seem more obvious if that's what you were getting into than it does now. If that makes sense.

 

There is obviously no easy solution, but I do wish we had a better means to advertise what we're looking for in game like you can in, say, WoW with its RP add-ons. That would likely lessen some of these things for everyone involved.

 

It's just my opinion, but, I think part of the reason a lot of people sort of... "hide" what their real goal is, is due to the general stigma in Western society which surrounds the promiscuous. We're a society which sells products by means of sex appeal (e.g. look at the pretty girl laying on this car, maybe if you get this car yours will also get a pretty girl laying on it sometime), yet chastises our youth for contemplating sex and sexuality, and so a lot of people feel uncomfortable being direct.

 

That might be why we have a lot of players who craft complicated stories and plot concepts, and then all but abandon the pursuit of them once they find somebody who will write about butts. Were they comfortable in their own skin, and felt like they wouldn't be judged for it, they may very well just forego the complexity and fill their Search Info with "pls butts? thx" and we'd all know exactly what they want from RP. Plain, simple, honest. But we know they'd be judged for that, they might even be scorned for it, so they conceal it.

[Arashin Kujqai]

I just pray Balmung's populated enough and stays friendly enough not to become what Tera's RP community was... which is x100 more than anything people stereotype or see on Balmung.

[Kismet]

For the sake of avoiding sweeping generalisations, the RP crowd is exactly the same now as it was "back then", ERP and cybering included. The only difference is that RP as a hobby is now bigger, and therefore finding whatever you're interested in through random chance is statistically less likely.

 

Bear in mind that where you're looking for RP is just as important as what kind of RP you're looking for. Join an FC, or read some people's IC posts and reach out to them OOCly if they interest you. It's easy to wallflower around RP hubs and shake one's walking stick at all those damn kids who seem to be having so much fun, but what you're looking for is really not as out of reach as it may seem to be.

 

Quoted for emphasis. This is pretty much what I would've said.

 

99% of the "ERP escapades" I've heard about have been just that... things I've heard about second, third, fourth-hand. Maybe every now and again I stumble across a steamy makeout session or something resembling lead up to foreplay or w/e. But for the most part, I don't really encounter that stuff in person because the places and people I go to for my RP are heavily aligned with my interests.

 

That's not to say anyone's claiming the OP or anyone else is deliberately seeking these things out. I'm well-aware that I could just have fantastic luck. But if you surround yourself with what and whom you are comfortable with and do want to see, anything else you stumble across should be kind of a non-issue. There's little to no reason to care, honestly.

[QalliFlower]

I come at this from a different direction - as someone who doesn't partake in ERP, I'm happy that those who are seeking it are comfortable saying as much so I don't inadvertently lead them on.  I don't want to waste their time anymore than I'd want them to waste mine, you know?

[Literal-Ghost]

Your mileage varies.

 

I think that maybe a part of it is that most people who like to roleplay for writing and aren't just looking for ERP tend to keep connections longer and are less prone to actively advertise that they're looking to meet new people to RP with. It could be that they're more likely to be comfortable and established in a group of friends already.

 

On the flip side, people who are just looking for ERP and romance may be presumed to burn through RP partners quickly, so they may be more prone to making new connections. Or maybe they feel the need to advertise themselves more so that people who want to RP with their character know what they're getting?

 

Though this is just speculation.

 

It may also be that an experience meeting an RPer that sticks negatively with you stands out more in your mind. I think I've personally encountered way more people who were interested to RP just to play a character, rather than ERP or look for someone to have a romance with.

 

But yeah, online RP communities have definitely always been like this.

[Zhavi]

I'd argue that most hobbies include people who are either actively trying to hook up or wouldn't be opposed to trying should the opportunity arise.

 

RP just adds the extra layer of make believe where you don't have to worry about physical attraction or stds. It's magic!

 

....but as others have said, when I first started over a decade ago, in muds and irc, people were tryna smash. And other people were trying to shame them into stopping. And still others were just on the sidelines shaking their head and bemoaning the state of the world.

 

Robe and wizard hat, anyone?

[Hilde]

Roleplay is ultimately going to be what you want it to be - no one is going to force you into ERP or push boundaries you aren't comfortable with (luckily you can blacklist if they try). In that same vein, you have to be respectful about what others want to play since it's a hobby and people will generally play what they want to play. So you don't want to cultivate that sort of dynamic in your storyline - don't! However, I wouldn't place a sweeping generalization on a hobby that has always, and will always, have the opportunity to fall into ERP territory, much like a story line can fall into aspects of horror, painful emotional confict, romance, comedy, etc, etc, etc.. 

 

RP is what you make it depending on your preferences, chosen partners, and what themes/plot points you choose to implement, and it shouldn't matter what the community as a whole plays because it's an aspect that will always be there, and prominently. If you feel awkward, do not participate in it! However, a character being sexually active doesn't make them any less interesting or relevant - they're just small parts to a whole, nuances that shouldn't matter in the long run, and judging characters based on whether they're looking for a partner or not might lead you to missing out on great interactions.

[EorzeanPartisan]

I'm not sure anything has changed like others have said already. I'm not opposed to what I guess you would call "ERP". I RP an adult, and part of being an adult is being sexually active. It's OK, and not a weird thing. So when I hear "living in the world" I think that sex would be a part of that.

 

That being said, I don't play "flirty" or "fast" characters, though I'm not going to lecture someone who does. I've done storylines with people that have lead to romantic interest between characters, and I've also done long storylines that have ended in just strong platonic love. I'm OK with either. What is important to me is that people are happy and that the interactions are natural and make sense when all things are considered. I don't try and "manipulate" things too hard. My RL partner was in for a shock when he started RP'ing with me and realized that just because we were together IRL doesn't mean my in-game characters were always going to like him, much less be attracted to him! :evil:

 

Some people just like making level 1 characters and ERP'ing. That's fine too. It's not for me, but then it doesn't have to be. 

[Faye]

Call me young, but I can't remember any times or communities where a good chunk of RPers weren't just trying to get their rocks off, barring very small spaces that were niche and/or private. The fabled ye olden days of ERP shaming don't exactly sound like a much more healthy environment, and I will say that a portion of people playing courtesans or looking for IC romance are not solely looking for ERP (and sometimes aren't even looking for it at all), but rather it's just part of their RP character that they like to explore--and sometimes ERP can even be used for just that, and not just glorified cybering.

 

To answer your questions, I do see this. I also see people who happen to ERP or play sexual characters but provide intriguing RP with or without the sexual tones. I also see great role-players who don't have the slightest interest in ERP. I see some amazing RPers and have no idea whether they do or don't ERP because they must keep anything like that discrete if it happens and I'm too busy enjoying the RP to wonder or care what they do in their private time. I see open world RP's and events and RP FC's and LS's that have nothing to do with sex or ERP.

 

If it's all that you're seeing, I wonder if it's because you're too busy staring at it to find or notice anything else. I'm not going to argue that it's not prevalent (maybe too much so), but it's far from all that's out there. I think sweeping generalities and doomsaying are time and energy better spent trying to find the RP that is catered to your own liking, and exudes negativity that can make people reluctant to interact. I do understand your frustrations and I've dealt with it, too, but ERP is not all there is, and I don't think pessimism is helpful. Keep at it; there is RP out there that you would enjoy. Keep searching for it, and don't fret over others RPing things that aren't your cup of tea.

[Maril]

I'm definitely in the boat of that not much has changed. Even back when I started rping, which is way too many years ago now, we would joke about how there's two types of rpers- those who admit to ERP and those who lie. It's not 100% true, of course, but I suppose it says something about how things once were. I think what's happened in Final, especially on Balmung, is that we don't per se have a goldshire and then an alternative that everyone else uses - Which is something that always puzzled me, since there's other tavern options very close by. The Quicksand in Ul'dah is an RP hub just as much for serious characters as it is for level 1 courtesans. And in general, there's a lot more peace and acceptance in our community than there are in some others/have been historically (from my experiences), so the things that were hidden away out of shame - not just limited to ERP - is more or less on full show. 

 

But I would also hesitate to call those who purely seek ERP as roleplayers? At least when it comes to the level one variety. They're not something I see as a part of the rest of us, because the rules are different, IC/OOC is more blurred and self-inserting into your character is also something you see more. Aka people roleplaying as themselves. If it's the main goal, then honestly I see it as cybering. To me, the definition of ERP will always just be the erotic part of roleplay, a thing that needs to occur naturally and that some opt to skip kind of like how some opt to skip RP that involves a lot of walking. I find it a bit sad that perfectly good/healthy terms gets dragged through the mud and comes out of it like something regular rp'ers would no longer put on their resumé, because I see the need for RPers to be able to tag themselves up as one of the keys to having less ooc drama.

[Flynn Bladebreaker]

I think it's fine to have this kind of reaction. I can't say whether RP has changed or not for other people, but for me it has and it comes down to what you're used to seeing. Before last year, most of my RP didn't involve as much sexual content as you would see today. Sure, my character got with someone around the start of 2.0, but that wasn't our goal. It just happened and we still continued with our stories. Anything ERP related, we kept it completely to ourselves. Before that, ERP and relationships were looked down on in the RP communities I was used to. I welcome them, but like real life I don't want it in my face.

 

After coming back to the RP scene after a break, it did baffle me going to events that were slice of life, fight clubs, tavern openings, etc. Roughly around 15 people. But when I was helping a new RPer in the game, we had a job done, got wounded, I took him to Bronze Lake to get healed (because that's where war veterans go), but there was a date auction (and orgy) there and it was literally full. I think I counted 50+ people, and I mean full as in you couldn't see the water. Lore wise, I found it disrespectful, but it kind of tells me is this what the majority of people are really into. Sadly this new RPer was uncomfortable as this wasn't what he was expecting or used to seeing, and neither was I.

 

TL;DR Your reaction is perfectly normal IMO.

[Gwen]

Honestly that's just the kind of RP you expect to find when you hang around the quicksand or the alley behind it. Yes of course that's not always the case. But I wouldn't ever expect to see two people humping each other in the corner of the Canopy in Gridania.

 

But there's a big difference between seeking romance and just seeking ERP, though they do of course overlap at times.

It all just depends on what kind of RP you enjoy. Some people just like social rp and aren't looking for a deep story to throw their character in, and prefer just slice of life and social character development so finding love and making out is part of that.

 

But I think it just comes down to where you look. People that are already part of a FC or storyline aren't going to post on making connections, because they already have those connections, and like others said it's usually the ERP type of people that go through RP partners pretty fast and would have a higher need for finding new ones.

[Vexander]

I guess it depends. In general I've always found there tends to be a -location- in game where those looking for ERP over character-building/developing/growing-RP congregate. In WoW, that became Goldshire (for the server of Moon Guard). In FFXIV that became the Quicksands in Ul'dah (for the server of Balmung: I moved to Mateus and was thrilled to see the Quicksands virtually deserted).

 

I suppose the difference I see between Balmung and Mateus as far ERP goes is, I haven't see a lot of RP'ers on Mateus with ERP-related info in their search notes. In Balmung you'd see a lot of [M/E/RP] (Straight/Gay/Bi) and the likes. So for the most part on Mateus I see a lot more Search Notes that read, "Ishgardian Machinist, scar over the left eye," or, "RP'er, Walk Ups Welcome." Not that you didn't see those with search notes on Balmung, but it always seemed like the more ERP related part was included.

 

My personal opinion is to stay true to your character above all else, and that it is healthy both ICly and OOCly to have a diverse range of characters in a RP setting. A place like the Quicksands is OOCly healthy as it consolidates characters looking for that, 'two ships passing in the night,' kind of encounter, much as we have Clubs and the likes for that in the Real World. ICly its also healthy as it brings a kind of diversity to the RP community and setting that deepens immersion, because we have that same thing in the Real World.

 

You can have your Ishgardian prude who doesn't believe in Sex before marriage who would have a heart attack walking into Balmung's Quicksand, and that's pretty realistic in my opinion. As much as as an Ishgardian Youth who's felt sexually repressed all their life by their house's views on sex and the likes, who decides to throw inhibition to the wind and indulge.

 

So, to each their own, and I'd say, stick to the RP you like. As far as seeing girls with strings covering their breasts or guys naked except for a speedo, take it as a cultural thing or that the person is mad. Or possibly lost a bet. That's how my characters tend to roll. In most cultures beauty is a sign of power, so why not flaunt it?

[Aaron]

LTB GF. Will pay top gil.

 

(I've only seen stuff like that in QS like everyone else has said)

[Hathaway's Flash]

For others, it's just one element of a fully-realized story arc. Our literature and media are replete with tales in which, even if the overall story has nothing to do with the pursuit of romance, nevertheless include characters who fall in love and deal with relationship turmoil (even if they really ought to be waiting for all of that until they've finished impeding the imminent resurrection of Carnage Emperor Zoglorth). 

 

Your mileage may vary, but my experience has been that I get out of RP more-or-less what I put into it. That means if I want long-term character friendships and story arcs wherein the acquisition of love is but an aspect rather than a priority, I must be prepared to take it upon myself to provide that story arc, to seek out others who are of a like mind, and to keep at arm's length those who too readily seem willing to try and attach their character to mine in a manner which as her storyteller I'm not yet prepared to accept. I can't expect that others will change their behavior based on my own interests and expectations - we don't lack for roleplayers, so let them find their needs met with someone else, as I will.

 

This is pretty much spot-on. I figured I'd add my two cents, especially seeing as I've, uh, flat out stated my character's a prostitute. Personally, I didn't want to restrict myself to just doing "vanilla" roleplay scenarios, because I enjoy watching a relationship form between two characters over some period of time. I didn't want to box myself in and remove sex/ERP from my character's story entirely. Also I think watching him struggle with it makes him more interesting, since there's plenty of Miqo'te out there.

 

And yeah, I'm open to quick, one-shot scenarios. But does that mean that I'm trekking down to the Quicksand every night and getting lewd in public chat? Of course not. If it isn't private, if my partner doesn't fit, or if the scenario isn't written well, then I'm going to be less inclined to RP, no matter what kind of content's involved. But I like doing short little scenes occasionally, so I created a character where that was possible.

 

I can't say if it's become more prevalent, but I think in the past good writers might have been dissuaded from it because it was sort of looked down upon. I wanted to be upfront about it because I think there's a lot of writers/roleplayers who might want to try it but haven't, and I want people to know what they're potentially getting into. ERP's always been here. It's just more accepted now.

[Vexander]

For others, it's just one element of a fully-realized story arc. Our literature and media are replete with tales in which, even if the overall story has nothing to do with the pursuit of romance, nevertheless include characters who fall in love and deal with relationship turmoil (even if they really ought to be waiting for all of that until they've finished impeding the imminent resurrection of Carnage Emperor Zoglorth). 

 

Your mileage may vary, but my experience has been that I get out of RP more-or-less what I put into it. That means if I want long-term character friendships and story arcs wherein the acquisition of love is but an aspect rather than a priority, I must be prepared to take it upon myself to provide that story arc, to seek out others who are of a like mind, and to keep at arm's length those who too readily seem willing to try and attach their character to mine in a manner which as her storyteller I'm not yet prepared to accept. I can't expect that others will change their behavior based on my own interests and expectations - we don't lack for roleplayers, so let them find their needs met with someone else, as I will.

 

This is pretty much spot-on. I figured I'd add my two cents, especially seeing as I've, uh, flat out stated my character's a prostitute. Personally, I didn't want to restrict myself to just doing "vanilla" roleplay scenarios, because I enjoy watching a relationship form between two characters over some period of time. I didn't want to box myself in and remove sex/ERP from my character's story entirely. Also I think watching him struggle with it makes him more interesting, since there's plenty of Miqo'te out there.

 

And yeah, I'm open to quick, one-shot scenarios. But does that mean that I'm trekking down to the Quicksand every night and getting lewd in public chat? Of course not. If it isn't private, if my partner doesn't fit, or if the scenario isn't written well, then I'm going to be less inclined to RP, no matter what kind of content's involved. But I like doing short little scenes occasionally, so I created a character where that was possible.

 

I can't say if it's become more prevalent, but I think in the past good writers might have been dissuaded from it because it was sort of looked down upon. I wanted to be upfront about it because I think there's a lot of writers/roleplayers who might want to try it but haven't, and I want people to know what they're potentially getting into. ERP's always been here. It's just more accepted now.

Alas, pity you're on Balmung. I remember a few Courtesan/Prostitute RP'ers back in WoW, and they were the best ICly. I had a lot of bookworm type characters, so the prostitutes/courtesans were so fun to just gossip with and all. Also rewarding to lend a shoulder to when things got a bit too intense in their lifestyle. Never crossed the friend-barrier, mind you, but that was part of the appeal of that RP too, since crossing it would've felt like a betrayal of said friendship to my characters.

 

Forced a lot of soul-searching.

[ExAtomos]

As others have mentioned; it's very much a ymmv thing. Some friends of mine can't walk ten fulms without being propositioned; I can plant a character* in the QS and only get regular RP every time. (I was actually just discussing this the other day in an attempt to figure out what /I'm/ doing differently that keeps ERP away so I can pass the secret to others. ) In my experience, the vast majority who only ERP aren't RPers at all, but are trolls (or close enough).

 

As an aside, been RPing online for 20 years... it's always been a thing. Of course, I did a lot of World of Darkness RP back then. But really? Many fantasy novels are full of sex scenes, so I guess ERP is actually important for immersion. xDDD

 

*Thus far, I've taken Mid M, Mid F, Aura M, Aura F, Roe M, Roe F, Miqo M, and Lala M. My search info does not include any RP types (E/M/D) and has some sort of hook for RP in it. I have both struck up convos and kept myself quiet. I've stood against the railing and wall on both sides of the room and have taken seats at the tables. The one time someone from the sex bench came in to the QS proper and tried to pull a "hey bby" in tell, I lured him to a back alley and my FC mugged him (dude seemed a good sport about the whole thing.) The only time my character's butt was grabbed was by a rando on Hyperion and the only person who used to keep asking me for cyber on Balmung isn't a RPer. (My testing notes. xDDD)