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Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater


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Everyone's got them, so let's hear them out. What's the one thing (or many things) you're completely worried or puzzled over regarding your character? Are you one of the unfortunate souls just unable to find a swell RP partner to write with? Are you trying to play a smooth operator but are unsure if you just come off as an thirsty ERP hunter? Are you playing a bad guy and worry about people mixing OOC and IC and getting a bad impression of the person behind the monitor?

 

I'm curious as to the anxieties and concerns of the RP community gathered here, because the Long Night cometh and we can only sustain the true form of Despair with sufficient resources.

 

I've personally got zero idea of how Warren comes across to folks outside of his/my current social circles. Sometimes the derision from people I've never met gives me pause and I wonder if I'm actually a huge jerk for realz.

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Warren's probably heard this in passing at one point or another in one linkshell or another but something I worry about with Shoshopu is coming off as overpowered.

 

I mean, people already scoff at the idea of fighting primals. And that's a prerequisite for what she does. What would they say if they knew she's done it four times?

 

To counteract this, for public RP, with people I'm not familiar with, she only ever uses her Leviathan-egi, but when I'm RPing with friends and people from my FC, she can use two other -egis besides. My FC had weeks-long story arcs with weekly RP events leading up to each of those fights, and the fights themselves are typically done in Skype with a rolling system, but other people don't know that, nor do they have to care. So...

 

I'm in Warren's boat in that I don't really know how she comes off to most people. The people I RP with tell me she's enjoyable, at least, but I don't really "get out" as much as I should.

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Everyone's got them, so let's hear them out. What's the one thing (or many things) you're completely worried or puzzled over regarding your character? Are you one of the unfortunate souls just unable to find a swell RP partner to write with? Are you trying to play a smooth operator but are unsure if you just come off as an thirsty ERP hunter? Are you playing a bad guy and worry about people mixing OOC and IC and getting a bad impression of the person behind the monitor?

 

I'm curious as to the anxieties and concerns of the RP community gathered here, because the Long Night cometh and we can only sustain the true form of Despair with sufficient resources.

 

I've personally got zero idea of how Warren comes across to folks outside of his/my current social circles. Sometimes the derision of people I've never met gives me pause and I wonder if I'm actually a huge jerk for realz.

This is one of mine, especially when combined with the fear I have that I RP Flynt inconsistently sometimes (from a mood perspective). He's meant to be this somewhat aloof/social inept character who just always end up pushing people away more than bringing them in. The hard part is that this makes building new RP relationships hard, so in places like the QS or bigger RP events I tend to soften him a bit. I tend to worry that by doing this however certain people get the "Aloof kind of a douche Flynt" and others get the "Hey he seemed pretty polite and easy to talk to" Flynt. I try now to just find a nice middle ground and attribute his growth as a character as the reason he's less socially inept, but it's still something I am insecure about RP wise.

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Oh yesssssssss.

 

Virella is very xenophobic what ends up ending calling all non-Ishgardians terrible racist things. Like really, really, really racist. I had angry tumblr posts about Virella's behaviour.  It is one of the reasons I sort of keep Virella out of public these days, next to a few irrelevant issues, and ensure people aren't batshit insane OOC before I start roleplaying with them.

 

 

7ZER4qf.png

 

 

Besides that? Hells, Avelyn happens to be sexually aggressive. To the point someone was flapping out crap behind my back to other people. I had someone 'expressing' his concerns about Avelyn and the apparent rampart ERP I have on her. Like 1. Bitch please ask me these question in my face, not behind my back. 2. The odd case I do ERP, what has been very rare because I'm 95% of the time too lazy to even go there, it is my own fucking business. 3. It is own fucking business, as long I don't do it in the open.

 

But that did hamper my ability to roleplay Avelyn for a few weeks and I fucked off playing another game to calm my tits irl again. I was really, really angry at that, given I considered the person a friend as well. Later out I found out his reasoning why, and it had more to do with insecurities on his part then anything else. But meh, really didn't sit well with me.

 

Yeah I play character who people are very judgemental of. Whether it is because they are xenophobic scumbags, or due to being sexual aggresive as a woman (you know, double standards, men can fuck around without being judged, females its suddenly hur dur, irl and in rp. I don't mind the rp bit tho), and sometimes it really, really fucking freaks me out when people start to become bitchy about it on an ooc level. I kinda became a bit more careful about Vi's racism and Ave's sexuality. Because fuck, they are both written to be a lot worse then that I rp them (with friends however, they do get rped as intended, but I kinda test the waters with new people first these days).

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This is a great thought-provoking thread.  I'll highlight a few concerns below: 

 

1. Sigurd is obscenely extroverted, superficial, and long-winded.  As a result, he has met a large number of other characters who are played by /amazing/ RP'ers.  My largest insecurity is the fact that I do not have time to RP with everyone I want to RP with due to RL obligations, and I often feel terrible because I cannot RP all the scenes I have in mind, or I feel guilty for slowing down plots.  On a related note, I often feel guilty for seeming "cliquish" because most of the time I have for RP is spent pursuing on-going character relationships or plots. 

 

2. Sigurd does really stupid shit sometimes.  His conduct is often offensive, perverted, and highly erratic.  Personally, I'm very reserved, calm, and extremely sensitive to other people's feelings.  I sometimes get worried that people might have a bad impression of me due to Sigurd's zany antics. 

 

3. Sigurd is very multi-faceted.  Some people have only seen his cheery, public face. Others have seen darker aspects of his personality; even fewer have seen how kind, affectionate, and loyal he can be.  I sometimes worry that RP'ers who see one side of him will think I am not RPing him consistently or reasonably if they encounter another aspect of his personality.          

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I actually...don't have any. I like yapping about my character (Berrod) to so many people that I have a general idea of how he's received, and well -- I do what I want and I do it for fun, so I don't have many insecurities with him. I project his sexuality a lot, but I'm an adult, and that's fun for me. If someone expresses discomfort with it I'll take my ball and go elsewhere, but I'm not going to stop playing or portraying him the way I do. He's enjoyable, he's harmless, so if anyone doesn't like him that's sort of their issue. Communicating with a wide range people helps a lot, though I know that it's not easy for everyone.

 

-- Also, I try not to overthink. Overthinking is the devil.

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Ok I will bite *gnash gnash*

 

At the moment I would say if I had any niggles it is not having any RP partner(s). It is a dry spell of random RP, which while nice, does not deliver the continuation, depth and sense of adventure you get with partners. I have a FC and LS and people I can RP with that keeps me engaged, but there is that something missing.

 

I can only take so much "chatting" RP, and I crave/write/run RP where stuff happens and you make a difference. having a partner makes this a two way experience, rather than just being a DM role.

 

It's not that bad really, just a niggle until the next marvellous RP partner knocks me over. I never go out looking for them, it just is that spontaneous "click" that happens now and then.

 

:)

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As the days get closer to my first event on the server for public people, I worry about how individuals react to what unfolds, if they will belittle it and how the fights work. There is also the air about how it has a lot of NPC characters and if images Will suffice. I've never done an mmo rp event and I'm uncertain if it will catch any attention. 

 

The first part I put up may happen during grindstone...so I am not expecting too many. It is a scouting sort of party first.

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*Snooze bubble pops*

 

Personally, the reason why I've all but given up on 14 and its RP is that I have never felt connected in any way when I RP. I love Doc as a character and I know he's aloof to the point of standoffish and rude, but that's just a layer that a scant few have actually peeled back. Those who have, I absolutely adore, and while I know that no one is required to involve themselves with me and Doc any more than in passing, it's a sad shame that this happens more often than not in a community spanning so many FCs and so many individual players. Watching people post events, have no one (or very few) show up, then give up on it entirely actually damages my creative soul. Some events stick and (no offense to the GS here) they're chaotic, overstuffed to the point where few can actually RP much more than mindless cliche'-isms, showing off, or attempting to post something worthwhile but getting lost in the scroll of hurr durr OOC nonsense from those so bored that they've taken to the 4th Wall to be entertained. I think the most damaging moment for me was being asked to prioritize, against my character's knowledge and sensibilities, who he heals for the sake of the GS mechanics. It's nitpicking, but we're RPers. We're supposed to RP. We're supposed to encourage RPing, not confine it for the sake of moving shit along in an RP event. That, in essence, is my uncertainty when it comes to RPing on 14 anymore.

 

We're all very busy people, sure. That goes without saying, I used to spend 5+ hours every night on 14 doing some game content or grinds and then looking for RP only to be vastly disappointed and log off with a sour sentiment. Last time I left to take a break was amidst rampant nonsense drama, this time it's because the RP community feels less like a community and more like a jumble of withered vines unable to connect to anything that'll rejuvenate them. FCs are isolationists, people are too concerned about offending someone to be open and have fun. So I think my uncertainties stem from how badly people suck, more than my own RP which I'm not even bothering to do on 14 at this point.

 

Yeah, I know. I know. Hush.

 

*Snooze bubble*

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Great concept for a topic.

 

So, for Benedict he has a few issues that make me nervous when roleplaying with others:

 

1.) Benedict is chaotic to a fault. He rarely plans and mostly reacts to things. This is not always appreciated. Especially when combined with a couple other of his faults.

 

2.) Benedict is an emotionally charged and driven character. I am really trying to play up the Dark Knight's power residing in their emotions, or what Fray likes to call their "dark well." This means he rarely has subdued reactions to things. He was an emotionally driven character before he became a dark knight, and is 100x worse now.

 

3.) Benedict goes to dark places. As a roleplayed dark knight, it is Fear, Pain, and Rage that fuel his abilities. So, when it does come to combat he is aggressive and brutal. Things that are not always stomached by other players.

 

The best example I can give comes from the first quest in the Dark Knight chain:

 

Oh, how they screamed when you came for them. How their cries of anger turned to fear! How you bathed in the fires of your hatred to bring them to justice. Fray's words were music in your ears as they echoed in the Tribunal, as you promised them a reckoning should they dare speak of this day again...

 

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I try not to make Aaron come off as "emo" but I seem to be failing at that because I constantly get people saying he's emo lol.

 

I don't understand why? Is it the blank monotone he does? That's just how he talks.

 

Is it because he wears all black? Black is a color just like any other. Would he still be emo if he wore all pink?

 

Is it because he doesn't smile? This is a lie. He smiles every time he laughs.

 

I DONT WANNA BE EMO GODS

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I try not to make Aaron come off as "emo" but I seem to be failing at that because I constantly get people saying he's emo lol.

 

I don't understand why? Is it the blank monotone he does? That's just how he talks.

 

Is it because he wears all black? Black is a color just like any other. Would he still be emo if he wore all pink?

 

Is it because he doesn't smile? This is a lie. He smiles every time he laughs.

 

I DONT WANNA BE EMO GODS

 

It may be how he speak and not his general appearance or tone.

If majority of the conversation is negative, most people would consider it "emo' in a way.

 

Xyla for instance has the same monotone and wears mostly black but despite this, she is still learning things and has some positive moments despite not smiling. Much like the slight warm feeling she got from a gift on saturday. It didn't show but her pause when she looked at it could say she did appreciate it.

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Several things fills me with insecurity. Despite my silliness and bravado, people in my own friend circles have been witness to my bouts of insecurity. As for some of them...

 

1- Egocentric. I feel at times that I pass off as being too centered on me/Leanne instead of others while in RP.

 

2- Mary Sue'ing. I will not deny that Leanne has a rather broad knowledge and experience in a several range of subjects, while being relatively young to top.

 

3- Leanne is supposed to be empathetic, and have a fair grasp on the state of mind of other people. Of course, this will always be a hit or miss, but when she misses, it can sting me a bit.

 

4- If Leanne is likable as a character, overall. I mean, must be a common question, but I figured it is a worthy thing to note about.

 

There is of course more, but from the top of my head, those are my insecurities.

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Are you playing a bad guy and worry about people mixing OOC and IC and getting a bad impression of the person behind the monitor?

 

 

I have a character that started out as chaotic neutral and made the alignment shift into lawful evil and she's just...god she's a fucking challenge.

 

People literally feel different about me as a person when I'm on her. Consistently. Guildies, strangers, anybody. I get consistently treated more positively as a person on my other characters.

 

It honestly makes her a downer to be on not to mention that you have to be so careful on them and I find myself squelching certain actions I know she would take as to not rock the boat too hard depending on the situation.

 

That and it frustrates the hell out of me when people suddenly demand like a list of bad things she has done in her time as to somehow justify the title. No one ever asks my good characters for a list of the nice things they do to justify it.

 

That and evil characters have weaknesses, bad moments and sadness like anyone else. It's very often like everyone wants to pretend like all villains except chaotic evil doesn't exist and that pisses me off. Maybe people are just all brainwashed off these tropey Disney-esque villains.

 

"Oh, you must not be that bad if you feel lonely."

 

Wtf.

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People literally feel different about me as a person when I'm on her. Consistently. Guildies, strangers, anybody. I get consistently treated more positively as a person on my other characters. 

This is something that I worry about all the time in dealings with other people.  Am I being unfair?  Is it just the character who is such a jerk?  The IC world needs jerks for it to feel immersive, it also needs outright bad guys: but is that bad guy doing it to explore a different angle and enrich the community itself or is he another sociopath? Is it worth the risk of getting to know him better to find out?

 

We should be thankful for those that do, but it can be so hard to tell.  It is helpful sometimes to get that OOC whisper: "I know I am being a jerk but that's just my character".  But sometimes you are left never knowing, and in those cases why would you seek that character out for future RP?  One of the unfairnesses of life I suppose.

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_Lots_ of stuff, but much of it isn't as much about my characters than RPing in general, so I'm putting those in spoilers.

 

 

It starts off with the fear that my writing is so bad that everyone will just consider me a nuisance, so I feel I shouldn't ever even approach someone because ultimately, I'll just annoy them and steal their precious time.

 

And when I actually am engaged by someone else, the pressure starts: Am I writing too fast? Too slow? Do I react properly? Did I forget something important? Do I have lore hiccups? Do I repeat myself too often? Is the portrayal realistic? Will the world end if I try to clarify something with the other person OOCly? And most importantly: Is the other person having fun?

 

The issue is compounded in events where the entire world can witness me fail and every typo can turn me into a pariah forevermore! At least it's how it feels.

 

 

As for my characters, my biggest worry when playing Zoya is that people do not "understand" me. The combination of thieves cant and accent can be overbearing, so I reduced the prior by a fair bit by now. And after every RP I am "constantly" worried whether I did convey her personality properly. From what little I've heard (I "do" ask for feedback sometimes), that often doesn't seem to be the case, which is NOT comforting at all. The worst however is that this can bring me into consistency issues, should I meet the same person again later and actually "do" convey the personality properly that time around.

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Are you trying to play a smooth operator but are unsure if you just come off as an thirsty ERP hunter? Are you playing a bad guy and worry about people mixing OOC and IC and getting a bad impression of the person behind the monitor?

 

 

I'm not uncertain about people taking my character and blurring the IC and OOC lines. You don't even have to be roleplaying an evil character for negative traits to be assigned to you OOC. It happens all too often and sometimes I'm surprised at the things that get projected onto my character from roleplay.

 

The biggest uncertainty that always lingers is the question, "Are these other people having fun?" It's a common thing now to send very unclear communication when it comes to RP enjoyment. The general method of communicating dislike now is either canceling, saying you're busy, or just saying nothing in hopes that the other person will go away. I find it to be so strange to leave a person hanging like that, I guess I prefer honesty over wondering if canceled RP appointments are just coincidence or a message.

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My biggest issue is I am bipolar, and due to bouts of anxiety/depression/boredom I often send my character off in different directions.

 

Evangeline especially is very inconsistent, with her goals and aims changing from one day to the next. I try to write that into the character but I'm not sure how well I do.

 

As for my alts, I wish it was easier to make them and keep them secret. I like interacting with people who don't know who you are as a player. It makes me far less anxious because if I screw up they don't know who I am. I actually had the most fun RPing when I was just a character name that I could walk away from, its' more stressful now that it's all tied to me as a person.

 

I guess I should try to make more secret alts.

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People literally feel different about me as a person when I'm on her. Consistently. Guildies, strangers, anybody. I get consistently treated more positively as a person on my other characters. 

This is something that I worry about all the time in dealings with other people.  Am I being unfair?  Is it just the character who is such a jerk?  The IC world needs jerks for it to feel immersive, it also needs outright bad guys: but is that bad guy doing it to explore a different angle and enrich the community itself or is he another sociopath? Is it worth the risk of getting to know him better to find out?

 

We should be thankful for those that do, but it can be so hard to tell.  It is helpful sometimes to get that OOC whisper: "I know I am being a jerk but that's just my character".  But sometimes you are left never knowing, and in those cases why would you seek that character out for future RP?  One of the unfairnesses of life I suppose.

 

I would assume it is always just the character, unless the person is known for bleeding.

 

It's a slippery slope otherwise if you project things like lust/anger/evil onto the player behind the character. Makes it hard to RP anything bad outside of scripted situations.

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I'd say my biggest insecurity has to do with honesty. I'm a critical thinker, I'm analytical by nature, and I have a hard time reacting to people with only empathy and not evaluation.

 

Unfortunately, I find that people are dishonest far more often than they're honest, though it usually isn't malicious lying, but rather things like omission, or unnecessary sugar-coating, or things like that. Still, it causes me to feel like people as a whole seem inherently disinclined to just speak their mind, which hinders the capability of others to react and proceed in productive ways.

 

To cite an example:

 

Roleplayer X and Roleplayer Y have characters who are involved in some long-term RP. Maybe it's a relationship story, maybe their characters have just been good buddies, maybe they're old comrades in the same FC - the exact nature of the RP doesn't matter. Suffice it to say, there's a solid link in their stories at this point.

 

Roleplayer X has seemed a little distant. X hasn't been in-game as much, and hasn't been as active on their FC's website, either. When Y asks if X is okay, X just says things are just busy with their RL but everything's okay.

 

Roleplayer X then announces "officially" that they are going to take a brief break for a few days to focus on RL things and get them resolved, but that they'll be available via their out-of-game communication if anyone needs anything. No closure is offered for their RP, because they're claiming they'll be back in a few days.

 

For a couple of days, people get responses. Then nothing. A week goes by - more than the stated few days. Two weeks. It becomes greater than two weeks since literally anybody has heard a word from X.

 

What happened to X? Did the thing with their RL lead to arrest and imprisonment? Hospitalized injury? Death? Does X intend to return at all - should Y come up with some reason, lacking any input from X at all, for why Y is able to just move on from X (because if Y were realistic, given the bond between the characters, Y should be spending months of RP time trying to figure out what happened to X's character, including search parties that are fruitless efforts, and so on).

 

Does X ever return? How long should Y and the others wait before concluding that X isn't coming back? 

 

Meanwhile, the truth here is simple to determine. The truth is that X has either met a fate where X is literally incapable of responding to communication (jail, hospitalized, and death are about the only ones I can think of), or, X just wasn't feeling engaged by the game or the group of people, and has decided to move on with doing other things. 

 

Why is that the truth? Because if X actually cares about these people, there's no amount of being busy that would remove the capability of sending out a quick message every few days to touch base. That takes like five minutes. You literally can't be so busy that you can't find five minutes to let people that you consider friends know that you're okay and still coming back. Short of, as mentioned, being jailed, in a hospital, or dead. Even if X's internet was shut off, or X became unexpectedly homeless, libraries still exist (with those weird dead-tree-wafer things on shelves) and have internet access. X also probably has friends and relatives in real life, whom X could ask, "Hey guys, mind if I use your computer/phone for just a sec to let some friends of mine know that I'm alive and okay?"

 

Honesty. Honesty would save X from having all those positive memories of the player and their RP stories become tainted by the uncertainty of their ultimate fate, both IC and OOC, and the lingering shadow of probable lies. All X would've had to do was tell everyone, "Hey guys, I've had a lot of fun, but I'm starting to feel a little burned out on this, so I'm going to be focusing on some other hobbies/games/characters/whatever for awhile. I may or may not reply to out-of-game communication because if I start to feel like I'm being pressured to return before I'm ready, or if I start to feel like I'm being guilted, I may feel the urge to withdraw altogether. To cover the bases ICly, we'll say my character has decided to embark on a journey alone for awhile, so that you can all continue on with your stories while I'm gone, and that way if I end up not returning at all, at least I know you guys will be okay."

 

See, that's someone with integrity. That's someone who is an actual friend to the people they've claimed are their friends. I find, unfortunately, that it's very rare. Most often, people string together some implausible excuses as they gradually peter down their time, and then disappear to leave you feeling disappointed and sad that you once again took it to heart when someone said they were your friend and they seem to have not meant it, and at the same time, feeling guilty that you're upset about that, because for all you know they've been hit by a bus, so you're also worried, but then... simultaneously to those three, there's that grim feeling of defeat, because you know you'll probably never find out.

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People literally feel different about me as a person when I'm on her. Consistently. Guildies, strangers, anybody. I get consistently treated more positively as a person on my other characters. 

This is something that I worry about all the time in dealings with other people.  Am I being unfair?  Is it just the character who is such a jerk?  The IC world needs jerks for it to feel immersive, it also needs outright bad guys: but is that bad guy doing it to explore a different angle and enrich the community itself or is he another sociopath? Is it worth the risk of getting to know him better to find out?

 

We should be thankful for those that do, but it can be so hard to tell.  It is helpful sometimes to get that OOC whisper: "I know I am being a jerk but that's just my character".  But sometimes you are left never knowing, and in those cases why would you seek that character out for future RP?  One of the unfairnesses of life I suppose.

 

This was a lesson I begrudgingly learned over time. I thought it was a little silly but turned out to be necessary because....well.

 

The honest truth is no one likes their character to get treated negatively/like an annoyance/brushed off etc.

 

That just is what it is. Again here, you never see the happy/good characters having to go "Apologies, that's just how she acts!" but...

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