Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater

[industrythirteen]

I haven't had the urge to RP in a few weeks now. I'm anxious to get over that ambivalence, but I can't force it. That said, what's always caused me to hesitate to go out and get RP are a few things. 

 

• When I played a Roe, I was constantly sent unsolicited tells for ERP, and very specific types of ERP just by virtue of playing a femroe and standing idle in the Quicksand. While YKINMKATO, it got to a point where I had to forgo going to public spaces, or seeking out RP altogether outside of my then FC. I could not escape it, even when I was not RPing. It was very discouraging. After I race-name-changed to my Au Ra, I was a lot happier with her concept overall, and that non-sense stopped altogether. I don't get creepy ERP tells anymore, but I still feel a little residual cringe when I RP in public spaces.
  

• I like playing characters with carnival mode elements. It's a good way for me to get over my introverted nature and engage, rather than wait for what I think is an appropriate moment, and continue to waffle. I have to force myself out of my comfort zone, and lucky for me, RP is one of the best ways I can do that. What worries me the most about playing this type of character, even though it suits me, is that I do not want to burden other people unnecessarily with her non-sense, especially if they're not game for interacting with a character with sometimes ridiculous behavior, or even reading it in scrolling chat. I worry that I'm being obnoxious, or others may think I'm weird for the sake of being weird. I'm more concerned as to whether I'm entertaining the other person. 
  

• When I hit my groove with my character, I tend to know how they will react to just about any given situation. I can rattle off reactions super fast, I'm super confident in my posts, I'm very consistent with the character, and I worry about stealing a scene. I've done it before unintentionally. For this reason, I tend to opt out of participating in events, and prefer to make brief appearances, deferring to others even when it may go against how I think my character would behave. I'd rather cooperate and compromise. While having the attention of one person at a time is all well and good, and giving that person my undivided attention in return, I don't want to create moments where I even perceive that I may have killed the chat (and/or RP) because people are watching (and of course, in my mind, judging me and my roleplay.) 
  

It seems to me that a lot of these anxieties are just that, and in my head most likely. I find myself none the less bound by them. The only way I ever really discourage these thoughts and feelings of mine is to shoot people a tell to ask them if they're having fun. If I think I've offended someone, I want to address it immediately and apologize.

[ArmachiA]

Right now my biggest insecurity is jumping back into the rp scene. Right around Heavensward's release I took a LOT of time off the game - really only logging on for FC leader things and raiding - in order to work on my own personal health. Five months later, I had dropped 70 pounds but no one knew who Armi was anymore, as the only person I really rped with was her future husband (and only because we had to to keep up the relationship and it was only like once a month). I still have like 25 more pounds to drop but now after the holidays I have more time to actually rp again and I'm finding jumping back in difficult. Everyone has all these stories and getting into them now seems too little-too late. I know I have people who want to RP with me, it's just the insecurities of having people relearn who Armi is - hell having ME relearn who she is - is niggling at me. Will I be able to find her voice again? Will anyone actually care once I do?

 

Stressful.

[Gone]

I'm going to bump (and reply!) to this, as I swear half the time I'm on this site, I'm simply (re)reading this thread. It helps to combat my instinct to constantly tell myself 'well look at everyone else having fun, what's wrong with you?'

 

I could also quote half the previous posts in my own, since I've read a lot of insecurities that I share with others -- also a nice feeling. Misery loves company and all that! But this one seems the most relevant to me, since I'm also attempting to reply with my own uncertainties, a topic I could definitely write several essays on, ha. I truncated it, but it definitely resonates with me;

 

I never really struggled to find consistent role-play in the other MMO's that I invested in over the years. Yet in FFXIV I often feel as though what I want is completely different to what the majority of role-players desire.

 

I've never really cared much for large events that are bloated with participants. Even if there's a valid reason for my character to attend I often just avoid going simply because dealing with the chat scroll alone is troublesome. It also risks becoming very stale to attend ball after ball and drinking contest after drinking contest.

 

[...]

 

So I guess in many ways FFXIV is something of a culture shock. I often wonder if I'm alone in this regard or if I'm just not approachable [...] Though I do think that the bulk of role-players simply want to interact with characters that are designed to fit in with whatever event happens to be the 'next big thing' rather than those who seek to get people to head out into the wilds on a classic adventure.

 

This is basically my situation too. I've roleplayed for a long time, across many different MMOs, and I've never felt so walled-off (or felt that the greater community was walled-off) as I have in FFXIV. And as a result, I guess my biggest uncertainty is simply -- 'Is this all worth it?' trying to break into a community that seems so resistant.

 

Now, I try to chalk that up to a number of things. Obviously there are people playing here that have done so since pre-ARR (I was one of them, but I didn't stick around); obviously folks are more apt to have formed connections already and aren't really interested in expanding beyond them. Most MMOs, as far as RP goes, seem to be fairly guild-centric in one manner or another, too, so that's not a FFXIV-unique phenomenon. Maybe there was super-server drama in the past that frightened some people off of public RP, or expanding their contacts, I don't know. There are, I will concede, many reasons not to step beyond one's existing contacts. The RP community here seems to have a weird tumblr fetish too, though that's a different topic.

 

But this is definitely a new experience for me, and one that I'll admit has gone a long way to turning me off of the game in particular. Even in 'the-game-that-must-not-be-named,' which is quite a bit older then FFXIV, I never really had an issue finding at least some people who were amicable to new friends, wanted the lengthier connections (or even just an RP pal to do ingame things with), etc etc. Here, it feels like you're either part of the 'status quo' or you're an outsider -- you don't matter. 

 

I've certainly tried. Wrote up a public page for the wiki, attempted to reach out to folks via the forum and ingame (and much love for those few who I have had the privilege of RPing with <3), even attended a few larger events, despite that they're not my forte at all, for the same reasons as Graeham lists in the quoted passage above. And because I am fairly shy, I'll concede that too. And yet I seem to have even fewer social connections than I started the game with, back before ARR. It's as though folks don't know what to do with someone who isn't a gritty mercenary or a kawaii catgirl, and who hasn't been around since 2000-whatever.

 

I do miss having those special sorts of friends -- the sort that you spend years RPing with off and on, that you can pal around and experience content ingame with. But I realize these are the rare sorts, too; and not even the point of my post! I'm letting myself be nostalgic for a second -- I'd be happy with more people to roleplay with, period, hah. 

 

The (devil/angel) on my shoulder is telling me just to wait for Legion to launch so I can go back where I belong. At least I still enjoy other parts of FFXIV, as I've actually discovered I'm a decent tank and it's not totally frightening like I first thought it might be. Hooray dark knight!

[Askier]

-snip-

 

The (devil/angel) on my shoulder is telling me just to wait for Legion to launch so I can go back where I belong. At least I still enjoy other parts of FFXIV, as I've actually discovered I'm a decent tank and it's not totally frightening like I first thought it might be. Hooray dark knight!

 

 

I'm confused. The end just seemed so passive aggressive.  The end completely removed the valid points you had made prior to it. After that line, I no longer felt your argument was valid because it comes across that you never -wanted- to fit in because you never wanted to belong here, long term, in the first place because you were just going back to WoW at some point.

[H.H.]

I conceptualized Honus as a perpetual underdog: a scoundrel with an inferiority complex and the hatred for the "superior" to match. An amicable fellow who has a tendency to rub people the wrong way until he met that one person who he could take up arms against and use every trick in the book (which he can't read) to drag down into the mud and kick his/her teeth in. As he is now, he just comes across as an excitable idiot, a yappy dog, a jerk with a heart of gold. Is it character growth, or have just not had the chance proper to stretch my villainous legs and get into the mind of a pumpkin-eating cheater?

 

I really dig where I am now, and the dynamic I'm building with the cool dudes I was lucky enough to toss the #ladbantz with, but I can't help but feel I've completely lost sight of my original goals. I've been on Balmung for about two weeks now, and I've already found fantastic people to just chill with. But I'm yet left with a feeling of dissatisfaction, much the ungrateful sod that I am. Maybe I just need to get more involved with the community at large, participate or plan events of my own to showcase the parts of the character I had originally intended to use.

 

I guess it's just the case of my egocentric self feeling fit to throw a tantrum because his speshul snowflake hasn't yet had his chance to be a scumbag and drop a bucket of pig's blood on the guy in the spotlight. Though I guess I'm also largely directionless and don't know what I really want. Is "the feeling of wanting to hammer down the nail which sticks out" a single-minded desire, or is it jut a tired and played-out trope for a tired and played-out character? Would being a jovial idiot who's also an underhanded dickbag being a multi-faceted character, or is it a bland stage prop with no thought behind it, personality bent and twisted every which way to match the scene?

 

tl;dr wah wah big babby is ungrateful and doesn't know what he wants

[Warren Castille]

snip

 

I'm a little confused; Are you saying that you haven't had much success in finding RP that isn't FC or event-centric? I'm not doubting your claims by any means, I'm just surprised to hear it. There's almost always RP happening in the bars in the city-states and the sort.

 

tl;dr wah wah big babby is ungrateful and doesn't know what he wants

 

No plan survives contact with the enemy. Sometimes our concepts for a character don't really flesh out when it comes to RPing inside of a community. I've been kicking around a few thoughts lately revolving around things that are great for fiction writing, but not necessarily so great for roleplaying. There's subtle but distinct differences between them, I think: Is it possible your schemer-villain arc is just very difficult to fit into pick-up roleplay? A lot of what makes a good villain is the personal drive and rationale (for my two cents, anyway) and that can be challenging to display without emoting long walls of thought that nobody can actually do anything with.

 

I'd consider it growth, not being stymied. Maybe that could even become a focal point for the character; He WANTS to be hardcore but his mother won't let him a grousing scoundrel but he keeps meeting people he doesn't want to hurt or let down. The battle between nature and demeanor can be pretty gripping stuff.

[kharnlol]

One of my biggest insecurities with RP is the fear of people potentially taking my character's abrasiveness or sarcastic demeanor out of context. I've had to take issue time and time again with people assuming that just because my pirate is an asshole or harsh, that I also am such. It's rare, but it has happened to me quite enough times to make me fear acting out his usual sarcasm around random roleplayers.

 

Also, not typing fast enough to accommodate anyone roleplaying with me. I always feel a pressure to not take my time, because I wish to entertain my partner at that moment quick enough to get the most out of the interaction. I guess this can be considered akin to rushing.

[voidVirago]

Usually I'll stand around in the Quicksand for like ever targeting somebody 'cause I'm too scared to walk up. IT'S SUCH AN AWFUL AFFLICTION.

 

It's always like what if they hate my character what if they hate me oh god

I mean, I know that most people love walkups, but still... it's... it's scary.

 

I also get scared of accidentally screwing up a lore tidbit and then having somebody get mad at me for it. I'm sorry that I'm not the best with lore, I can never remember things. ; w ;

[GhostlyMaiden]

I also get scared of accidentally screwing up a lore tidbit and then having somebody get mad at me for it. I'm sorry that I'm not the best with lore, I can never remember things. ; w ;

You should be sorry!

No seriously, I feel ya. The more I read about lore, the more i'm like; "Is this even possible for me to do X thing in X plot because X lore reasons? Can I do X thing or will it be seen as lore breaking?"

I suppose thats why I can sometimes be not fun and just say "But lore says X thing, so thats not right."

 

I  run into the problem of being afraid that someone will walk away from our RP because i'm either taking too long (because I am a semi-slow reader), or because I have a hard time starting up a conversation and keeping it going. After about a conversation or two, it gets better, it's just a matter of getting there. It's even worse when it's Quicksand RP because, well,  it feels like it's just a bit more difficult for some reason. *shrug*

Someone walking away to join some random person has actually happened to me before......

[Aden Dellebecque]

I am too enthusiastic and am continuously reining myself in because of it. Sometimes I go overboard on pulling back and look disinterested, and sometimes it seeps through and the dissonance distresses people because it looks like I'm suddenly way over excited about something compared to five minutes prior.

 

With regards to the character I'm currently playing, I'm worried he's too good at things too quickly (this is not entirely my fault--/random seems to like him). It's made me push his social anxiety a little further than is fun for other people to play off of in an attempt to balance.

[Askier]

-enters with optimism-

 

Used too anxious and nervious. Sure did. Always worried my posts weren't long enough or my.concepts were stupid.

 

And I suffer from a medical diagnosis that prevents me from spelling correctly because how my brain handles letters. If you have rped with me, you know what I'm mentioning. 

 

But, now? There I simply don't care.

 

If My spelling sucks? I laugh about it.

 

Is my character broken? RNG Jesus makes all equal.

 

Is this lore compliant? Stretch that lore so long as its fun.

 

Am I steeping on toes? Screw it. I got tired of being bitched at by people who turned around and did what they bitched at me about. You can't make everyone your friend if you are true to yourself.

 

Will people like my character? Life is too short and I have limited free time.

 

Will people want to rp with me? So long as you are friendly OOC, the answer has been yes.

 

I was once nervous and apprehensive. Then I got enough rp to become jaded. And you will too. Life is short and we all have limited time to rp as it. Don't spend it afraid! Jump in. Make waves. I used to be terrified to make a splash cause I might get attention and do something wrong..

 

But only way you can get notice is to splash. So splash away and don't worry about making mistakes. EVERYONE makes mistake and if anyone gives you shit, move on. You'll find friends. 90 percent of rpers are friendly and awesome. That ten percent? Screw em. No use worrinf about.

 

Once I got over my fear of that, I have had MUCH more fun rping.

 

*Throws optimism all around and then exits stage left*

[Roen]

I worry that when I RP with people, that I am expected to bring some plot development to that particular scene. I don't always have the overall arc in mind, nor some significant plot development every scene every step of the way. Sometimes I too enjoy a little slice of life. But I don't do it often enough.

 

And when I really think about it, I do believe that people don't have this expectation of me, it's what I hold for myself. But it does sometimes discourage me from scheduling RP with a few folks, because I don't have that "next idea."

 

I also know people who have their characters thought out every step of the way. I don't... do this. I know who my characters are at their core, but I have not thought out every minute details of their day or their subconsciousness. I admire people who can and has done this, but I rarely know my own self that well, much less my characters. I react on instinct to a situation. But sometimes I feel like that is not in depth enough.

 

I can also be quite insecure about my writing. Less so in posts where I can think about word choices, edit and edit again and mind the flow of the narrative. No, it's the live fly by the seat of your pants RP where I look at some other people's word choices and go... "damn, that was a really good description." Then wonder why I don't think up something that great on the spot.

 

But at the end of the day, I do enjoy RP and crave it when I am away from it for too long. So I try not to overthink things and just try and have fun.

[111]

I very much suffer from "The Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence with RP." 

 

I always compare myself to others, finding myself and my own RP lacking in comparison. So I'm usually off chasing 'The next big thing' in order to alleviate my anxieties that my current thing isn't good enough. The problem is that I often fail to stay in one place long enough to develop the plots and connections I want so badly. 

 

I'm not sure if it's competitiveness, or fear that I'll be left behind, or simple jealousy and a feeling of inadequacy in what other people have. 

 

Stop and smell the RP roses people, though that is advice I could use more than anyone.

[Teadrinker]

 

Am I steeping on toes? Screw it. I got tired of being bitched at by people who turned around and did what they bitched at me about. You can't make everyone your friend if you are true to yourself.

 

 

Dropping truth.

 

This kind of thing is starting to not bug me as much anymore. I've met way more people think me/my rp is amazing but there just always seems to be this vocal minority who is just like

 

"MRRRRAHHH FUCK TEADRINKER OMG THIS BITCH &%$^&E%^^CVTYCUVBHVT&"

 

Like....you can either bust your ass trying to appease these people or just let them sit in their safe space and whine by themselves. *shrug*

[C'kayah Polaali]

I've said this a few times before in other places, but it bears repeating here:

 

FF RP, especially on Balmung, suffers from a problem of a surplus of blessings: There's so many RPers, and there's so much RP going on, that it can be overwhelming. At the same time, I think a lot of RPers tend to feel that it's okay to be very choosy about who they RP with (I know I do that). I think the combination can make new players feel shut out.

 

Here's my advice, then: Get in the habit of looking for RPers around you. You'll see them walking around. You'll see them RPing. Examine anyone who looks like a roleplayer, and see if they say "RPer" in their search info. Send them /tells asking what sort of roleplay they like. Get in conversations with them. A large part of finding people to RP with is simply having a big network of people you know.

 

Then once you do find someone to RP with, approach the roleplay as if you were an extra in their story. Everyone wants to be the hero of their story, after all. Try to be the best supporting character in the movie of their character. Approaching RP with this sort of generous spirit makes a positive impression. Your RP partners will enjoy RPing with you (because it feels like their character gets to have agency; gets to be important), and they'll more often than not want to turn around and do the same thing for you.

[Chompie]

Wow another 'how did I ever miss this' thread!

 

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm doing a bad job or a very good job of roleplaying my character.

 

If some people are an open book, Arblis is a pop-up book with other books stuffed inside; everyone's first impression of her tends to be from a different side, and it can be a bit of a surprise to see the others pop up in the next interaction. Or is that just inconsistent writing? Hard to be certain sometimes.

 

I play a character who sees herself as the protagonist of every story, but in most scenes my reason to play her is to add something to everyone else's day. Again- duality or inconsistency?

 

I think it's a great thing if I can shake up a group, give them something new to talk about or think about, give them more ways to show how each of their characters percieve the world. But to do that, I'm shoving MY character into THEIR story. Arblis tries to steal the show. It's how she is. Sometimes I feel like I should have a macro to whisper "(( It's okay if you try to take the scene back for yourself! Really! ))"

 

 

 

I conceptualized Honus as a perpetual underdog: a scoundrel with an inferiority complex and the hatred for the "superior" to match. An amicable fellow who has a tendency to rub people the wrong way until he met that one person who he could take up arms against and use every trick in the book (which he can't read) to drag down into the mud and kick his/her teeth in. As he is now, he just comes across as an excitable idiot, a yappy dog, a jerk with a heart of gold. Is it character growth, or have just not had the chance proper to stretch my villainous legs and get into the mind of a pumpkin-eating cheater?

 

I really dig where I am now, and the dynamic I'm building with the cool dudes I was lucky enough to toss the #ladbantz with, but I can't help but feel I've completely lost sight of my original goals. I've been on Balmung for about two weeks now, and I've already found fantastic people to just chill with. But I'm yet left with a feeling of dissatisfaction, much the ungrateful sod that I am. Maybe I just need to get more involved with the community at large, participate or plan events of my own to showcase the parts of the character I had originally intended to use.

 

I guess it's just the case of my egocentric self feeling fit to throw a tantrum because his speshul snowflake hasn't yet had his chance to be a scumbag and drop a bucket of pig's blood on the guy in the spotlight. Though I guess I'm also largely directionless and don't know what I really want. Is "the feeling of wanting to hammer down the nail which sticks out" a single-minded desire, or is it jut a tired and played-out trope for a tired and played-out character? Would being a jovial idiot who's also an underhanded dickbag being a multi-faceted character, or is it a bland stage prop with no thought behind it, personality bent and twisted every which way to match the scene?

 

tl;dr wah wah big babby is ungrateful and doesn't know what he wants

 

Some of that is just.. how a good character comes together! You put together the core of a character, and then they start doing shit you didn't expect of them. It's awesome!

Though it's good to remember that Tropes Are Not Bad, and an unusual mixture of tropes, even if they ARE tropes, is still probably not overdone! They're even a huge point of inspiration sometimes!

 

And as for Honus himself, well.. in my incredibly limited time anywhere near him, my impression was 'chirpy cockney sidekick' which is not a bad thing but probably definitely not what you were going for. That said, now I'm SUPER curious to eavesdrop again.

[Caspar]

I can definitely understand when people say they're not sure if they're prepared enough, or preparing too much.

 

Trying to tailor my playstyle to adapt to what others do, I have to pare down my posts and go slower or faster. A lot of times, people seem like they've got so much going on and there is no space for me. As such, I feel like I need to get it together and be the one with the complex plan, or on the other hand, be the free and available one who doesn't interfere with intricate plots too much. So I think that I probably am a source of that pressure when people are worried about how much to plan. 

 

A good example of that is how I often say "I have no pointless RP," wherein I insinuate that basically all RP I do, even when not planned, is working towards a goal, and is never just for fun or on a whim. It makes me seem more meticulous than I am, which is to say, I still like spontaneous stuff and never will begrudge someone for not having a plan. I certainly didn't shy away from an impromptu explanation of what *would* be manzai comedy in the real world one time when the conversation went in that direction. It means more or less that I think every RP scene, even small ones, can be used to further your own writing goals, even if only in baby steps. But I never want others to feel like they have to.

 

Even if I have an overall plan, and an objective, not everything I do is necessarily planned, and I write with flex room to do things outside of my original concept, while not sacrificing my overall goal. There's always more than one way to the end. That's why I don't think you should be discouraged for departing from your original game plan. If you think about how to integrate what you've RP'd in groups and with other people into your character concept moving forward, you'll find that it flavors, rather than necessarily derails, what you had in store for them. I had to come to terms with that myself, but I think overall the chaotic elements of RP weren't that hard to utilize, and I still have a chance to do the scenes and development that I want to.

[Yandros]

The insecurity of wondering if your posts are even seen.  No seriously, because that is the only reasonable explanation I have at this point.  Toss out post after post, to try and get a little attention or a response...and get nothing.  From whispering a person to offer rp, to whispering IC'ly, to making emotes, or saying hello...

 

And getting utterly nothing in reply.

[Leggerless]

[video=youtube]

 

Pretty much this.

[Michaux]

Thought of something else. When I'm trying to run a story arc involving other people and it's kind of complex and I'm getting wrapped up in the details, I start worrying that no one else cares about what's happening as much as I do. I worry that they're all just really bored and they're too nice to tell me so. I love DMing plots, but I have so much anxiety about it whenever I do.

[Nebbs]

Thought of something else. When I'm trying to run a story arc involving other people and it's kind of complex and I'm getting wrapped up in the details, I start worrying that no one else cares about what's happening as much as I do. I worry that they're all just really bored and they're too nice to tell me so. I love DMing plots, but I have so much anxiety about it whenever I do.

 

Yea i get this, and my advise is to slow down and let people have space. I try to get the other players to RP and stuff and then add in more plot as appropriate. Sometime it feels like you will never get the plot done

 

If they are RPing then generally they are having fun. If you find it is just you doing things, then you are basically telling a story not RPing.

 

In summary, often less is more.

[Michaux]

Thought of something else. When I'm trying to run a story arc involving other people and it's kind of complex and I'm getting wrapped up in the details, I start worrying that no one else cares about what's happening as much as I do. I worry that they're all just really bored and they're too nice to tell me so. I love DMing plots, but I have so much anxiety about it whenever I do.

 

Yea i get this, and my advise is to slow down and let people have space. I try to get the other players to RP and stuff and then add in more plot as appropriate. Sometime it feels like you will never get the plot done

 

If they are RPing then generally they are having fun. If you find it is just you doing things, then you are basically telling a story not RPing.

 

In summary, often less is more.

This is super good advice, and I'll try to keep it in mind!

[Dravus]

Thought of something else. When I'm trying to run a story arc involving other people and it's kind of complex and I'm getting wrapped up in the details, I start worrying that no one else cares about what's happening as much as I do. I worry that they're all just really bored and they're too nice to tell me so. I love DMing plots, but I have so much anxiety about it whenever I do.

 

That's actually not a bad thing at all. Never feel ashamed of going out of your way to go above and beyond what most role-players do. I absolutely adore role-play that boasts a lot of depth, mystery and various sub-plots. It's not everybody's cup of tea, certainly, but there are people out there who love that sort of thing.

 

The key is to identify them, approach them and then offer to team up if it seems like your desires align with theirs.

 

As a rule I only role-play with those who prove that they care for the development of more than just their own character. Even in regards to 'simple' plots I've always felt as if it's important for role-players to give and take. I adore complex plots when they're pulled off in a satisfactory manner because if nothing else they genuinely ensure that there's genuine, meaningful character development and an opportunity to get out into the game world and explore.

 

So don't be discouraged!

[Klynzahr]

Metagaming.... it's seriously one of my worst fears to be accused of manipulating someone elses carefully planned character or plot. I came from a very relaxed RP atmosphere in Wow, where plots grew organically and no one had qualms about throwing in new developments or twists.

 

Several sidetracked plots and angry guilds later, I am now petrified of introducing anything resembling a plot twist for my characters. I continuously develop them behind the scenes or on the sidelines, because I'm scared to unintentionally screw up someone's story. To be fair, I have had lots of fun RPing a continuous sidekick, but sometimes I wish that I could just bite down on my worries, and bring some of my own plotlines to life.

 

I'm also a chronic free company hopper for many of the same reasons as above. I worry that if I grow too deeply entrenched in a group, I will be unable to salvage my characters if something goes wrong. It really doesn't help with my former problem, because I never allow myself to feel comfortable enough to contribute significantly.

[Cassandra]

I worry that when I RP with people, that I am expected to bring some plot development to that particular scene. I don't always have the overall arc in mind, nor some significant plot development every scene every step of the way. Sometimes I too enjoy a little slice of life. But I don't do it often enough.

 

And when I really think about it, I do believe that people don't have this expectation of me, it's what I hold for myself. But it does sometimes discourage me from scheduling RP with a few folks, because I don't have that "next idea."

 

I also know people who have their characters thought out every step of the way. I don't... do this. I know who my characters are at their core, but I have not thought out every minute details of their day or their subconsciousness. I admire people who can and has done this, but I rarely know my own self that well, much less my characters. I react on instinct to a situation. But sometimes I feel like that is not in depth enough.

 

I can also be quite insecure about my writing. Less so in posts where I can think about word choices, edit and edit again and mind the flow of the narrative. No, it's the live fly by the seat of your pants RP where I look at some other people's word choices and go... "damn, that was a really good description." Then wonder why I don't think up something that great on the spot.

 

But at the end of the day, I do enjoy RP and crave it when I am away from it for too long. So I try not to overthink things and just try and have fun.

 

Story of my life. ;-;

 

I forever worry over whether my replies were as good or interesting, especially when someone response with a large paragraph I rather enjoyed. This only gets worse in group dynamics because I have difficulty keeping up with a scrolling chat box. I'm just far too accustom with 1v1 or the occasional small group.

 

For whatever it may be worth though, I really like Roen. 

 

Another insecurity I didn't mention earlier is my tendency to be a bit verbose. Given Cassandra's backstory as having a noble of sorts upbringing, and the game itself throwing around words you don't often see elsewhere, I often work it into my own replies; primarily in her dialogue. I, personally, love the style and always fall back into it if the world I'm working in allows for it, but at the same time... I can't help wonder if it annoys people or I come across snobbish.