Roleplayer Uncertainty/Insecurity Theater

[RiniKett]

I'm a painfully shy person IRL, and I've been out of the RP scene for years except with a couple of friends through forums or IMs that turn into something more like collaborative writing. I worry that I'm so new to this game and so rusty with RP that anything I do is going to sound totally noobish, contrived, and un-engaging.

 

I got to do a little RP with some amazing players the other night who were absolutely fantastic. But going into it I almost had a panic attack, even though we'd talked a bit before and I'd been invited into it. I still spent a good 5-10 minutes shaking like a chihuahua in front of my computer and almost broke and ran. I feel like I'm a burden and doing anything with me is a waste of time, partly because I take too long to ponder my response and so it feels like I'm replying excessively slow and partly because I really just don't know things.

 

I guess overall I'm just exceptionally insecure all around.

 

 

I feel you there, cept I'm not shy IRL, my wife has social anxiety disorder so I understand what it's like to be shy in person. However in game I'm extremely shy. I started my MMO career with PvE, then moved to PvP, and when Rift came out I decided I didn't like the communities of PvE/PvP servers anymore to many "Brah L2P nub" and other various forms of childish behavior.

 

I've been playing on RP servers for awhile now, but I've never roleplayed. I want to so bad but I can't. I sit there every night trying to create a storyline for my character Castian Kensaki, but when I get something nailed down I start to second guess it. Like at first I wanted Castian to be a shinobi/bodyguard so I leveled a NIN to get access to the class gear, but that changed when I saw alot of people and got alot of whispers about how they too were shinobi or bodyguards and wanted me to join their free company, but when I'd observe them or talk with them they'd be way to imposing for me to jump in. Then a friend I made(who no longer plays it seems) told me her character was a bodyguard type so I changed my RP story cause I really wanted to RP with her(doesn't seem right to have a bodyguard guard another).

 

Well I changed my story to being a Wander/Ronin since I'm almost positive they'll release Samurai at some point(I hope). And have joined an FC and farming Aery/Vault for my RP set so I could finally roleplay, but I can't. I sit there all night thinking about how all these experienced roleplayers would look at me and think I'm stupid or ignore me completely because my backstory is too generic. Or I sit there and think of how people won't want to RP with me because I play on ps4 and my chat response is delayed because I have to put down my controller to type on my keyboard, and I have to extend my chatlog to full screen cause I can't adjust it and sometimes jump by accident. So I end up staying in the duty finder all day doing what I do best while I get bored and burned out on the game because my desire seems to be so far out of reach that I just run the same content over and over.

 

Then there is what I want from an RP story. I'm a romantic, I want my character to fall in love, I want to explore a storyline where he and a girl travel the world together doing all sorts of things while their bond strengthens to the point of an RP wedding and beyond. But I can't go out there and meet characters and work for that kind of story because I have what I guess could be best explained as stage fright. Or there is the fear that I'll get attached to a character and the person behind that character will stop playing the game all together effectively ending whatever story we had or could have had.

 

Right now the best RP story I can think of is "Oh I'm a merc, I go out drink in the tavern telling war stories, then go kill more stuff." because that is all that seems like is open to me character wise. Add that to the fear of trying to join RP with already established characters makes roleplay a very daunting and trying experience.

 

I've been Roleplaying for a long time, maybe not as long as others, but I have 6+ years of Roleplaying on MMOs and the trouble you have with making a 'good' backstory is common among those who want to start. TBH, my first character was completely awful and took elements from other influences that were not only absent from the game, but a completely different genre; bloodelf rogue trying to be Assassin's Creed. But, even though it was really bad looking back to it's also one of my fondest memories. Nothing really mattered back then and I was oblivious to rules so there was no elitism or downplaying and I was playing with some people who had been doing it way longer than I have and did it way better. My RP partner back then was just the same. She told me her first time Roleplaying was when she ran into a group of RPers and asked "Hey, can I roleplay?" completely in IC chat.

 

The point is, you are going to make mistakes, every one does and they will always continue to do so, but, just like writing a book, if you never start then the pages will never be filled. Will you be awkward? Maybe. Will your backstory be cliche? Possibly. But as I've mentioned to Kibu, this server is full of people willing to help. In fact, if you ever want to RP I'm always open to playing with new players and giving them an outlet, response, and connections. The only skill that you need, and I emphasize this, is be open. Listen to advice. You don't have to use it, but always take it.

 

And on that note, I'm going to do something I rarely ever do and...Well..Actually give you something to bite into advice wise. (I know that might not make sense, but usually I encourage people rather than actually setting them on a path.) Look at your backstory...Look at the kind of character you want...Warrior...Swordsman...Healer..Caster...Etc...Now that the class, your race, think of how their personality will be, goals in life, etc....And make a very simple backstory with bunches of holes...And then throw the rest into a bucket to use for parts for later.

 

Confusing? Sorry, bad habit. Something I personally have always enjoyed, you might not, is leaving a backstory with holes, or rather with a completely open/clean slate. In a way, this is a wing it method, but not exactly. Most IC interaction with a new character is getting the feel of the character, even experienced Roleplayers start with an idea but have to flush it out, and when you make your full backstory/personality first it can actually strangle your creativity when you RP. Say you make a serious loner character with moral issues who is trying to avenge his dead wife; meeting a happy character like Rini might put him off, and if you had something witty to say but your character is built to limit his social ability you wouldn't be able to use it without coming off off as doing something out of his normal character...But I'm rambling. Basically, I like to let characters make themselves. Meet people, have fun with it, find that 'hook' that makes people want to come back and RP. I honestly can't define what makes a hook good so that is something you will have to learn for yourself, but being polite, open minded, and friendly are a good start.

 

One thing to note on 'evolving' a character through time; don't let current situations always define what you add or evolve or it could easily be considered Meta gaming. For example, someone is sick and you state that you have medical experience even though you have never alluded to having such, but you refer to it as something in his past that you basically just made up. Just avoid this and you should be fine. The open part just gives you time to think of what you want to put in and learn without having a full character done...

 

I hope this helped, I have issues with jumping around too much or not explaining myself clearly sometimes. Let me know if you ever want to RP, I have a few newer players I am going to be RPing with soon and another wouldn't hurt.

 

Take care!

[ArmachiA]

^ Above is really good advice. The only thing I can add is it really doesn't matter if your backstory is generic or "boring" - for instance my character was a priestess who left the priesthood right when FFXIV started and wasn't very exciting at all - even her parents are still alive! It's all been done before, pretty much all of it. It's all in how you play it, how real your character feels when you're acting it out. That's really it, no one will care if your backstory is simple if your character is interesting. People get way too into thinking the backstory is the character and therefore have these really overly complicated backstories, but really all you need is an interesting personality.

[RiniKett]

^ Above is really good advice. The only thing I can add is it really doesn't matter if your backstory is generic or "boring" - for instance my character was a priestess who left the priesthood right when FFXIV started and wasn't very exciting at all - even her parents are still alive! It's all been done before, pretty much all of it. It's all in how you play it, how real your character feels when you're acting it out. That's really it, no one will care if your backstory is simple if your character is interesting. People get way too into thinking the backstory is the character and therefore have these really overly complicated backstories, but really all you need is an interesting personality.

 

Yus! It's hard to fit everything into one post but this is also something to keep in mind. Most of the time people want to feel special or at least get out of the norm. This typically means adventurers, mercs, assassins, and rogue types. While there is nothing wrong with that, nothing at all don't get me wrong, it does take away from being special if everyone is special. They kinda cancel one another out... I think syndrome can help shed some light on this.

 

 

So while my character is a conjurer she is also a goldsmith and a weaver who practices her craft on a daily basis. Additionally, she loves working as a waitress and ran a tavern for awhile. A friend of mine summed it up best when he said that people use video games in general as an escape. You take a break from your normal, everyday life and become a hero, a sports star, a MMA Figther, etc etc. So normally those who deal with customers all day don't really want to come home just to...Deal with more customers. Because of that, our definition of a normal, boring character are the ones that stick out the most in a crowd. I use Aya as an example a lot in this just based on the popularity she has gained from serving at public RP taverns.

 

Again, there is nothing wrong with being a powerful, warrior mercenary who continuously strives to be stronger, but he could also serve soup at a soup kitchen on the weekends for a softer side that shows he cares for people. Heck, I still love the sneaky wealthy types that remind me of Scar from the Lion King. That might sound like an odd relation, but having people play villains that aren't evil just to be evil and aren't obviously evil is really interesting and fun to watch. It makes you question what is good and what is bad, but I'm getting off track. Be creative and most of all, do what you want to do and don't worry what others will think of you. In the end, you have to enjoy the RP you doing or it becomes a chore.

[lutroxical]

I guess I will put myself out here a little bit. Who knows, maybe it'll help? :3

 

In terms of roleplay, I fear the spotlight. It's silly, really, just how paranoid and overthink-y I get when it comes to my characters doing something that some might see as showing off or being an attention hog. It has actually gotten so bad that I have almost lost my interest in roleplay altogether the past year or so. I have been fighting desperately to set up other things for my FC to do, along with attempting to participate in others' plots, only to find myself often giving up for lack of motivation. 

 

It's essentially like I've phased myself out due to my own fear. I've done what I've told countless of my members NOT to do--and that is get too invested in what others may or may not think of my characters or roleplay. I'm not involved in anyone's side stories, in my FC or elsewhere, and it is not due to other people's fault--in this regard it's purely in my head.

 

Sure, I've had bad RP experiences, just like probably everyone else here. Plots going awry, OOC feelings getting hurt for IC reasons--it happens and I move through it. I'm not particularly burned in one way or another. It's just this constant, creeping feeling that what I am doing/writing is pissing someone off IRL in some way.

 

As such, I am trying to get back out there, both with Rhesh'ir and my alt, The Wasp. It's difficult to overcome, even though I have sort of isolated the problem.

[K'nahli]

That my character is too boring for anyone to ICly or OOCly find any interest in speaking to her for any extended period of time.

[RiniKett]

That my character is too boring for anyone to ICly or OOCly find any interest in speaking to her for any extended period of time.

 

I've met a few people who feel this way, and the very ones who say it are the ones I enjoy RPing with the most. It's have to have confidence sometimes, but I find when you lose your fight that your friends remind you of your worth. Still, I'd love to RP with you sometime even if it's just a normal, random conversation in Ul'dah.

 

I guess I will put myself out here a little bit. Who knows, maybe it'll help? :3

 

In terms of roleplay, I fear the spotlight. It's silly, really, just how paranoid and overthink-y I get when it comes to my characters doing something that some might see as showing off or being an attention hog. It has actually gotten so bad that I have almost lost my interest in roleplay altogether the past year or so. I have been fighting desperately to set up other things for my FC to do, along with attempting to participate in others' plots, only to find myself often giving up for lack of motivation. 

 

It's essentially like I've phased myself out due to my own fear. I've done what I've told countless of my members NOT to do--and that is get too invested in what others may or may not think of my characters or roleplay. I'm not involved in anyone's side stories, in my FC or elsewhere, and it is not due to other people's fault--in this regard it's purely in my head.

 

Sure, I've had bad RP experiences, just like probably everyone else here. Plots going awry, OOC feelings getting hurt for IC reasons--it happens and I move through it. I'm not particularly burned in one way or another. It's just this constant, creeping feeling that what I am doing/writing is pissing someone off IRL in some way.

 

As such, I am trying to get back out there, both with Rhesh'ir and my alt, The Wasp. It's difficult to overcome, even though I have sort of isolated the problem.

 

It sounds like you know the answer and what you need to do, but you are afraid you will fail. Is it because something specific happened? I know I've felt that way when someone I trusted turned out to be fake or I felt betrayed. It can shake your foundation and next thing you know you are questioning yourself.

 

The only real advice I can give is that there are countless different people in the world. And all of them are going to act different. At the end of the day, you have to sleep with what you've done and what you are responsible for. What's right might not always be popular or easier, but you feel better about yourself. I'm kind of shooting in the dark here because Idk what brought you to this, but I know your struggle. When it gets bad I just take a few days and then come up with another concept. I'm sorry that this might not help too much, but if anything you are around people who care and would like to help.

[Seriphyn]

The past three years (i.e. my entire time in FFXIV) has been a huge period of growth and maturity for me as a young adult, from being an aimless university graduate dealing with issues of companionship and insecurity to military man now with a much greater sense of life direction.

 

Sometimes, however, I do fear my in-game OOC "bad behaviour" (particularly in 2014 I'd say) has lingered and tainted my name. Not in all quarters, because I still get RP and get to do content with acquaintances and friends alike. I invested far too much into FFXIV, to an unhealthy degree, and now that my RL is in order (to include having a career and significant other), I feel far less of a need to treat FFXIV as an emotional crutch. That's why I'm not on so often anymore, but I do hope I can find RP and friends when I want to!

[lunoc]

I haven't really started solidifying my character as an RP character yet and to be honest I have no idea what to do. I have a pretty basic low-angst backstory with a family that lives outside of Eorzea and isn't really relevant currently. Lunoc is just a simple adventurer looking to do some good in the world. I kinda want to build him up as I go, but I'm worried I'm not really gonna be able to come up with anything interesting once I get into it.

 

I still have like 2 and a half weeks before I get back into the game to think about it I guess.

[Lutka]

My insecurity is the whole "is this person cool to RP with on first glance?". Yes, my character's name isn't to lore standards but that's because it's not her real name, it's done on purpose (even if the meaning is lore friendly) and I get worried that people see my character and buy a ticket for the nope bus to nopeville because they'll assume I'm a bad roleplayer. Sure my writing sucks sometimes (with hilarious typos like "poop" instead of "poof" and "shit" instead of "shirt") but I'm not that bad, or at least that's what I'm getting the feeling of since people roleplay with me and I'm not being avoided. 

 

First impressions kill me sometimes, in short.

[Sigil.9054]

I always worry about coming off as a Mary Sue.

 

Even when my characters start off perfectly balanced (I assume), I feel like they start drifting towards Mary Sue-ism. Even when they're not, I worry that people will hear the character talking IC, and think they're a Sue, when it's just IC exaggeration of something, and not what actually happened.

 

On that note, I also worry about how people interpret when I have a character that's purposefully wrong in some matter. I might, for example, have a character that thinks she's a magic-casting Garlean. But, in truth, she's not a Garlean, she just thinks she is. I worry that people won't consider that possibility, and just assume I don't know my lore.

 

And speaking of, I *constantly* worry that I'm making a lore mistake, but people are just dismissing me instead of pulling me aside and letting me know what's up.

 

*huff*

[Eses Fafa]

I have a pretty overpowered character that I use to my fullest within my FC, but when it comes to the public community, I nerf the everloving heck out of her to make sure I'm as lore-friendly as possible at first impression.

[Kismet]

I mostly worry about being too much of... anything. Too OP, too silly, too dramatic, too talkative, too proactive/pushy, too shy, too grumpy, too broody, too edgy, etc. etc. Which I guess boils down to being worried about coming off as a Mary Sue.

 

I also worry that I might be making things too much about myself and my characters sometimes. I constantly ask myself "is this plot dumb?" and "does anyone other than me care?"

 

:cry:

[Derek]

My character sometimes comes off as a Gary Stu every time I look back at his wiki. All of his abilities are over-the-top most of the time and I feel he won't mix well with other groups for long. Thus it kills my motivation to make new stories for him because it'll turn out like a typical shonen anime. He'll keep getting stronger and more unrealistic until eventually he becomes a God.

 

Perhaps my kid side is still around... I don't know... Perhaps it's paranoia.

[Caspar]

I mostly worry about being too much of... anything. Too OP, too silly, too dramatic, too talkative, too proactive/pushy, too shy, too grumpy, too broody, too edgy, etc. etc. Which I guess boils down to being worried about coming off as a Mary Sue.

 

I also worry that I might be making things too much about myself and my characters sometimes. I constantly ask myself "is this plot dumb?" and "does anyone other than me care?"

 

:cry:

I think I feel something like that from time to time. I should probably not worry as much as I do about what I've written once it's out. I'm not a professional yet and I'm doing this for fun. Still, I do want to make sure that things make sense, are relevant to my character without making her the center of attention all the time, but also matter to other players in a way that's interesting to them. "Can I get others to care" is a good thing to be thinking about, but I figure after a certain point, at least in my case, I feel happier acting on it before I think too much and get too paranoid.

[Chidori]

I think I worry about being boring the most.

 

Ritsu is on the quiet side so she doesn't always have the most to say. She is also a little OP in my mind thru various RP. But hey, it has made for some interest plots, so I guess it is fine. Plus she tends to be on the mysterious side, so only people who know her best know a lot about it. I also tend to write short more often than not.

 

Chidori is more out going however, she talks in third person/names. So I could def. see that as annoying. She doesn't talk broken..exactly, but she isn't the best in constructing a sentence. I am hoping as she grows, she will be taught more or pick up as she goes.

 

My other alts are of a more dickish nature. One is totally OP, but I use her as a villain for my FC mostly. I try to balance her as she can take a beating, but isn't the strongest or most skillful. Then my other is a civilian for the most part, just a brat. Then I have a fifth...that I am not sure what to do with. She had a plot, but it kind of fell apart so going to have to rework her story a bit. Or just keep as is without certain characters with her.

 

I have too many alts >.>;;

[Tara]

Does a half pint character come off as too annoying? Too sarcastic? Too goofy/cheerful? She teases people she likes but does she do it too much? She's genre savvy because of her background, do I make her too perceptive? Do people think she's boring, trying to hard, obsessive, or weird? 

 

For my other: Is her being Sharlayan putting people off rping with her? Is she too sassy? Too sassy is better than being a doormat with the emotions mild and anxious, right? Does she sound like a dictionary? She's a scholar so she's really smart but I do my best to keep my vocabulary so that people can understand her.

 

For me: Do I come off as too sarcastic, annoying, weird or trying too hard oocly? I like talking with people but what if I'm just being a nuisance and no-one's telling me? Do I type too slowly in a scene? Are my posts too small because of that? And when I do post a paragraph post is it too long?

 

 

:cry: Anxiety sucks.

[Kellach Woods]

Plenty of Sharlayan people around.

 

I often make a remark that their library is full of voidsent because i do not like their arrogance.

[Koro Dotharl]

My biggest insecurity is being judged. That's why I avoid judging others because I know how much it sucks to feel like that. Over a dumb game nonetheless.

 

Before playing in FFXIV I used to RP in a very insular community and the slightest slip could get you harassed. The FF community is much more friendly and open minded, but I am still on my toes about a lot of things and interacting with others can be difficult at first.

 

Or maybe it's not in the lore but just what I do (people saying they don't like [thing] therefore I am bad), who I talk to, where I RP etc. I have learned that no matter who you are and what you do, there will always be haters either for reasons or none whatsoever. It could be that you once trusted those haters.

 

So I am trying to ignore these things and do what I enjoy, but I will always worry about other people having fun with me and sometimes the smallest compliment is all it takes to make all these bad thoughts go away.

[Serenity]

My fear is that my character is too boring, or that people will mistake hoe she acts for how I am OOC. I know that most players are sick of the kinds of RP I'm interested in so I just happen to feel a little bit self conscious about asking for my main hooks of people.

[Raeje]

I love Raeje. She's far from boring. She's quirky and weird. She's a big personality on stage, yet an awkward, unusual one off stage, who hides behind her flamboyant clothes and verbal diarrhea.

 

My big insecurity is that I really don't ever get close enough to one specific person to have a regular RP partner. I love being part of events, going to social things, doing shows, being involved in meetings and throwing in my IC two cents, but I just can't seem to get to know people well enough to get to that point where I say "Hey, lets do some one on one RP." It's always the same. It's the same in every game. It's the same in forum RP. I've probably had a maximum of maybe 2 RP 'partners in my probably about 15-17 years of RP experience. I'm more of a group RP person. That's fine and dandy, but I do actually want some one on one RP here and there. 

 

Specifically, I'd like for Raeje to do some skits with a partner at the Gilded Pony cabaret's but I have this insecurity that people won't want to do one on one with me, and will say no. That's why I mostly stick to poetry, even though I have a couple of short plays written out.

 

But that's about it as far as insecurities. It's a pretty major one, I know, but it doesn't stop me from playing successfully.

[Lamiaris]

I'm very ill in real life and often I have to poof without warning to take care of my health; sometimes I'm able to come back to FFXIV, sometimes I can't..

I'm always scared that someone's going to flip out/ cuss/ scream at me due to such things; and also due to having to poof, I'm often too terribly frightened of being screamed at,  that I stay off for the rest of the day TnT

[111]

I'm very ill in real life and often I have to poof without warning to take care of my health; sometimes I'm able to come back to FFXIV, sometimes I can't..

I'm always scared that someone's going to flip out/ cuss/ scream at me due to such things; and also due to having to poof, I'm often too terribly frightened of being screamed at,  that I stay off for the rest of the day TnT

 

Who screams at people :c

 

 

Idk, I used to be grumpier about such things, but everyone has lives, and this is just a game. Is getting yelled at a thing that happens often? I've found most people are pretty nice, I'm probably one of the grumpier ones out there.

[Valence]

I'm sure only douches would get pissy at someone saying they have to poof away for health issues...

[Kibu]

I'm very ill in real life and often I have to poof without warning to take care of my health; sometimes I'm able to come back to FFXIV, sometimes I can't..

I'm always scared that someone's going to flip out/ cuss/ scream at me due to such things; and also due to having to poof, I'm often too terribly frightened of being screamed at,  that I stay off for the rest of the day TnT

 

Something you might try is to send an ooc /tell or another method of contact to the person/people you're RPing with and tell them that you might vanish at any given time. That way they are aware that it's not something they did to upset you (usually my fear when someone disappears on me) and perhaps it will easy your anxiety a little because you know you didn't leave them wondering where you went.

 

Real life and taking care of yourself always comes first :love:

[Lamiaris]

Something you might try is to send an ooc /tell or another method of contact to the person/people you're RPing with and tell them that you might vanish at any given time. 

 

Trust me, I've tried this. Some people still get very angry at me and get pissed off..

Most people are fine about it, but there are still a few people that act like complete derps about it..